Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 9 - Two for the Road - full transcript

Tia and Tamera get their driver's permits and their parents try to teach them to drive. Tamera is too carefree and Tia is too nervous, so Lisa and Ray decide to switch and each teach the other. However, this results in their cars crashing into each other, and the wreck scares Tia off from getting behind the wheel again; and even Lisa who is ordinarily so sure of everything, is shaken up by the experience.

- Tomorrow, we're taking the exam
- for our driver's permit.

Even though it's only a permit,

it's the first step to freedom.

- When we're
- able to drive,

- We'll be able to go
- anywhere we want to go.

Yeah.

Where do we want to go?

Anywhere.

We can drive

to Hawaii!

♪ Talk about



a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed you ♪

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♪ I ain't ever gonna

let... you... go ♪

I'll get it.

No, no, no, don't get up.

Please, please,

allow me.

Oh, was that the doorbell?

- What's up,
- Mr. Campbell?



- Oh, I don't
- know, Roger.

- How would you feel living
- with three females?

Don't mess with my head, man.

- What do you
- want, Roger?

Your books are here,

I thought I'd deliver them

personally.

- Great, I've been
- waiting for them.

Oh, that was so sweet, Roger.

So, what's in it for you?

- Hopefully, a peek
- at the twins.

They're taking the test

for their permits.

Ooh, hurt me!

Tia and tamera on wheels?

That's a lethal combination.

You know, ray...

- Go home, Roger,
- and don't call me ray.

- It's customary
- to tip the guy

- Who delivers
- your books.

Really?

- Roger:
- It's true!

Ah, they're finally here.

I can't wait.

- Ooh, when the Victoria's secret
- catalog comes,

- I might have
- to hose you down.

- I took out an ad
- for Ray's limousine service,

And I'm anxious to see it.

- Did the Victoria's secret
- catalogue come?

- Come on, ray.
- Let's see the ad.

Yeah, yeah.

- Let's see, uh,
- where is it there?

- Oh, there's,
- uh, bullet limo,

Uh, speedy limo,

slow but steady limo.

- Like that's
- gonna do well.

Where's my...

- Ray, ray, isn't this... this is
- your address and phone number.

- And, oh, there's your picture
- up in the corner!

Oh, that wink's

a nice touch.

That can't be me.

- Wait a minute,
- this is all wrong.

- I don't own
- the gay limousine service!

That is me!

That wink takes on

a whole new meaning.

I spent years building

the ray limousine service,

- not the gay
- limousine service!

- Ray, it's just
- a simple mistake.

- They just dropped
- the apostrophe and the "s,"

- Changed the "r"
- to a "g"...

Okay, somebody's

got it in for you.

I'm calling them up right now

and demanding that

they get this straight!

Corrected.

Ray, it's too late.

The book's all over Detroit.

You're right.

Oh, my god.

- My mother's
- reading this.

Was she domineering?

We did it!

We did it!

We got our driving permits!

Oh, congratulations!

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah.

- This is a big day
- in your lives.

- We should celebrate.
- Great.

Let's go drive!

Right now?

In a car? With you?

- I was
- thinking more like

- We stay home
- and have some ice cream.

- Come on, dad. We have
- to drive with someone over 25.

Well, that leaves me out.

I don't want anything

happening to my baby.

Ah, thanks, dad.

Uh, I meant my beemer.

Uh, but you, too, honey.

- Ray, there's
- nothing to worry about.

- These girls can
- do anything.

Yeah!

All right, all right.

Ah, but first, we must

have the traditional

passing of the spare key

from father to daughter.

All right,

here you have your Swiss army

knife, your mini-flashlight,

uh, your, uh, mace and your

alarm and your pepper spray.

Dad, where's

the key?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, I'll get one made.

Here you go, Tia.

If you squeeze little mert,

his eyes bug out and he burps.

Ah, ah, stand back.

Have to turn off the alarm.

You may now approach

the vehicle.

Uh, stand back.

I have to turn off the alarm.

You may now approach

the vehicle.

You may now enter the vehicle.

Okay, I'll lift, you pull.

- Okay, when you get
- behind the wheel,

- You always put on
- your seatbelt.

So, buckle up.

Okay, bungee up.

- Ah, hands at
- 10:00 and 2:00.

- Now, what's the first
- thing you do?

- Find a good
- radio station.

No. Check the mirror.

Check your mirror.

Make sure your makeup's cool.

- You never know who you'll meet
- at a stop sign.

- Now, with your foot
- on the brake,

Put it in gear...

And slowly pull out.

Whoa!

Okay, let's move.

Let's cruise.

Hey!

We're moving,

we're cruising.

Uh, you'd better

step on it, honey.

The old man with

the Walker's gaining on us.

(Opera music playing

(over stereo)

You're doing great, tamera.

- Dad.
- What?

- Can we please
- change this music?

- The screaming's
- getting on my nerves.

Yeah.

Now, remember,

the speed limit here

is 30 miles an hour.

- How am I
- doing, mom?

You could go

27 miles an hour faster.

Go ahead.

You can do it, baby.

That light is your friend.

Hey, move your tail, bozo!

Ah, same to you!

Up your nose!

So's your stinky mama!

You did good, baby.

- Ah, don't,
- don't answer that!

Always keep

your concentration.

Yello.

- It's for you.
- Thanks, dad.

Hey!

Yeah, I'm driving!

Keep your eyes on the road!

- Oh, you're
- at the mall?

- Sure, I can
- pick you up.

- I'll be there in ten minutes
- if I can make a u-ey.

No u-ey! No u-ey!

Now, take the bus.

- Keep your eyes
- on the road!

Slow down,

tamera, slow down!

Faster, Tia.

Faster!

- I'd put
- my foot on the brakes.

Put your foot on the brakes!

For god's sakes, brake!

Curb! Curb!

Too close! Too close!

How do you know?

I think that's

how you know, Tia.

- How can I concentrate
- when you're telling...

- Keep your eyes - on the road!
- Stop!

I'm trying to tell you!

No, you're not!

You were yelling at me.

I wasn't yelling at you.

- I was yelling at those people
- to get out of the way.

- I was yelling
- at innocent pedestrians!

- Sure, take
- their side.

- And in the future,
- when I say "left," I mean left.

You said "left," and I said

"left?" and you said "right!"

I meant "right, go left!"

- How was I supposed
- to know that?

I think driving

on someone's lawn was a clue.

I'm going upstairs

to do my homework.

You just do that.

- I'm not coming
- down till it's done!

Well, I could care!

Huh.

Okay.

- I'm not
- talking to you.

- Well, that's fine
- with me.

- Do you want
- to know why

- I'm not - talking to you?
- Not really.

If I talk to you,

you're gonna tell me

it's my fault.

- I'm not
- talking to you.

- When are you gonna
- start not talking to me?

I can't tell you because

I'm not talking to you.

Oh, miss thing.

Ah.

Pretty scary, huh?

Ray, for 30 seconds today,

I was white.

- Ray, what are you doing?
- Hmm?

- Her driving drove
- me to drink.

Ray, drinking is no way

to deal with your problems.

And if you're going to drink,

you shouldn't be

doing it alone.

Bourbon, neat.

This was supposed to be

a wonderful bonding experience.

Tia bonded.

With a mailbox.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Don't worry.
- I left a note in their door.

- Oh, that was
- very responsible of you, Lisa.

I knew you'd feel that way.

That's why I signed your name.

I didn't have this problem

when I learned how to drive.

Oh, me either.

It was fun.

- My boyfriend,
- LeBron hunt,

Taught me to drive.

We spent hours in his car.

Must have been tough learning

how to drive in the backseat.

- Ooh, that guy could
- really handle the curves

Along the Lisa Landry

expressway.

Lisa, please,

I'm getting carsick.

So, ray, who taught you

how to drive?

Uh, my grandma.

Oh, that explains why you drive

like an old biddy.

Excuse me?

My grandmother was

a wonderful driver.

Ah, she had reflexes

like a cat.

- She could catch line drives
- at the baseball game.

- Used to play dodge ball
- with all us kids.

Well, up till

she broke her hip.

Oh, she was some kind of woman.

God, I miss her.

Ray, ray, ray,

- I-I think
- you had enough.

- You know, Lisa,
- you look kind of cute.

I have had enough.

Ray, maybe we had

some different experiences

in high school.

- I had a good time, and
- you played ball with grandma,

But we had one thing

in common.

Neither of our parents

taught us how to drive.

- You're right. You know
- what we're gonna have to do?

Ray, I have no idea

where LeBron hunt is,

and grandma is dead.

- No, Lisa. What I,
- what I think we have to do is

I teach Tia,

and you teach tamera.

- Listen, ray,
- I've got a better idea.

You teach both of them,

I'll stay home and pray.

Come on, Lisa,

we'll go out and we'll find

a big empty parking lot.

It'll be

early in the morning,

no other cars around.

Or mailboxes.

A completely

controlled situation.

- (Tires squealing,
- cars crashing)

Stay away from the car.

Stay away... from... the car.

Dad!

Mom?

- Dad,
- are you all right?

Tia, are you okay?

Is my baby okay?

I'm fine, mom.

Dad?

I-I'm all right. How about you?

I'm okay.

It was all Tia's fault.

Look, my door is jammed.

- I can't get out.
- Oh,

- Ray, I wish I had
- the jaws of life.

You do.

I've seen you eat.

- Ray, do the words "upper hand"
- mean anything to you?

Lisa, could you help me

please get the door open?

- All right.
- Come on, girls.

Now, now you lift,

I'll pull.

- This is just
- like my car.

Ah!

Oh, oh, my baby.

- I'm really sorry
- about your car, dad.

No, I-I meant you.

Mom, maybe I wasn't

ready to drive.

Oh, no, no, no, honey,

you were doing great.

Anyone hurt here?

- No, we're all fine,
- officer.

I-I'm hurt.

What happened?

Uh, when I heard

the crash,

- I spun around
- really fast,

- And I got whiplash
- all up in my neck.

You're an idiot.

- Oh, okay,
- thanks, bye.

So, what happened?

I hit the brakes.

And I hit the gas.

- And I hit
- my head.

Let me explain.

You see, we were teaching

our daughters to drive.

So, you're married?

- Please! This
- has been rough enough.

Officer, I think

we'll be fine

could call us a tow truck?

Sure, no problem.

Say, haven't I

seen you before?

Uh, no. I try to stay

two steps ahead of the law.

No, I know.

You're the gay limousine guy.

Yeah, that's him!

Wink for him, ray.

Well, see...

Do you give cops discount?

- My significant other
- and I need a limo

- For the gay
- policeman's ball.

Uh, sure, yeah.

I think it's great

- that you have
- such a liberal attitude.

- I pride myself
- in being an open-minded guy,

Able to see

everyone's point of view,

make no judgments.

- Why don't you
- bring a date?

I-I'm busy.

People, people,

a rocket burger employee

does not sit on his butt.

A rocket burger employee has

a rocket strapped to his butt.

That wasn't in the manual.

- Come on, Steve,
- Tia's a little shook up.

- She got into
- a car accident.

- To show that
- I'm a caring employer,

I'll give you a few minutes

to get your life together.

- That's sensitive
- of you, Steve.

- Excuse me, Denise,
- but were you in an accident?

Well, once when I was

five years old, see,

I was jumping

on the bed...

You! Out!

- Look at my hands.
- They're still shaking.

- Ooh, I like
- your nail Polish.

Tamera, what if there's

another accident?

- Tia, there
- won't be.

- I don't think
- I want to drive again.

You've got to be kidding.

I'd quit right now,

but I keep hearing

my mother's voice,

- "you could do it, baby,
- you could do it."

Tamera, I heard

about the accident.

- I rushed over
- as soon as I could.

- I'm here to offer
- medical attention.

I'm fine, Roger.

- Are you sure you don't
- need any cpr?

No.

- Mouth-to-mouth
- resuscitation?

No, Roger.

A hug?

Go away, Roger!

Tia, I rushed over

as soon as I could.

Strip to the waist.

Beat it, pervert!

- Hey, little lady,
- I heard about the...

A little help here,

people.

- You're driving better,
- baby.

- Really, dad?
- Of course.

Would I lie

to my daughter?

- What's the matter,
- ray?

- I just lied
- to my daughter.

Your service called.

You've got a booking

for a wedding on Saturday.

- Who's
- the lucky couple?

Jeff and Scott.

I was a bit resistant

to all of this at first,

but these guys are big tippers,

and they're really tidy.

Hi, Tia,

- how was the library?
- Fine.

Where's tamera?

Oh, she's upstairs.

We were out driving.

Mom, do you mind

if we wait a while

- before we go out
- driving again?

- Oh, no, of course not,
- honey.

- You take all the time
- you want.

Oh, okay.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

- I just thought
- you would say,

"you can do it, baby."

Oh, well, you can do it...

Baby.

Maybe later.

Maybe later.

So, what's going on?

What do you mean?

- Well, you know, you're
- usually very encouraging.

- More than encouraging.
- Pushy.

Ray, she's not ready

to go back out there yet.

She was in an accident.

Oh, come on, Lisa.

It was no big deal.

No big deal?

It was a head-on collision!

It was flames, twisted steel.

Oh, the humanity.

- Sounds like you
- and Tia have a problem.

There is no problem.

I don't have a problem,

and my daughter

doesn't have a problem.

Oh, come on, honey,

- you sure you
- don't want to drive?

I still don't think

I'm ready, mom.

- Just let me settle down
- with my husband

And raise a family.

Once my kids are in school,

we'll talk about it.

I promise.

Mom, we're not moving.

- Mom, why, why aren't you
- driving?

I can't anymore.

I've been driving you

my whole life.

- It's time for me
- to park it.

I ain't had no life.

But don't you

worry about me.

But, but, mom,

wh-what's gonna happen

to me and the kids?

Wh-what am I gonna do?

I can't drive!

I thought about that,

baby girl.

What's this?

A laminated bus pass.

Good luck.

Mom!

Mom!

You can't go!

You can't go!

I've got a dental

appointment!

Mom!

Mom, where are you?

I'm in the kitchen, Tia.

Mom, I had a nightmare.

- And you wasted
- your entire life

Driving me everywhere.

Oh, come on, baby.

- That's not
- such a bad dream.

You got old and gray

and shriveled up and died.

Bad dream!

Bad dream!

Mom, I don't want you

to waste your life.

It made me realize that i'm

ready to get back out there.

Oh, that's nice.

Maybe over the weekend.

No, let's do it now.

Now, now?

Come on.

There's no time

like the present.

- You're always
- telling me that.

- I was talking
- about cleaning your room.

I can't believe

you're saying this.

You're always pushing me.

Well...

And you've always been

so confident in me.

Well, yes and no.

- Mom, what are you
- talking about?

- When I was only five,
- you let me walk

- With the neighborhood kids
- to kindergarten.

I followed you the whole way

there and back,

going tree-to-tree.

You did?

Like a dog.

Well, how about

- when you bought me
- my first bike

And you let me ride

around the block at night?

Tree-to-tree.

- How about
- my first date?

Tree-to-tree?

Oh, no.

Shrub-to-shrub.

So, you never had

any confidence in me.

- Oh, no, now, baby,
- that's not true.

- I was just overprotective
- of you,

- But I didn't want you
- to think that,

- So I acted like
- I was confident in you.

- So, you won't
- take me driving

- Because you're
- overprotective?

Oh, no.

- 'Cause you're not - confident?
- No.

- Well, what are
- you saying?

I'm scared!

You're scared of me?

Oh, no.

I'm, I'm scared

of the situation.

Honey, in the past, I was

always able to protect you.

- But now you'll
- be in the car,

- And all those other drivers
- are out there.

What do you want me

to do? Not drive?

Would you do that for me?

- Mom, you always
- taught me

- To face
- my fears head-on.

That's an unfortunate

choice of words,

but in this case,

I probably should take

my own advice, huh?

If you ever want me

to trust you again.

You're tough, girl.

You taught me to be.

Come on, Tia.

- Let's hit it!
- Yes!

Oh, another bad choice

of words.

You're doing fine.

I'm confident.

I believe in you, baby.

Watch out!

Hello?

Yes, this is five-five-four...

You know, your voice

sounds familiar.

LeBron?

LeBron hunt?

Oh my, after all these years!

This is Lisa Landry.

You know, moanin' Lisa.

Yeah!

Oh, I'm fine.

I was just talking about how

you taught me how to drive.

Yeah, we were never in neutral.

So, why are you calling?

Ooh.

- You want
- the gay limousine service?

Hold on a minute.

Ray, it's for you!