Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 9 - Two for the Road - full transcript
Tia and Tamera get their driver's permits and their parents try to teach them to drive. Tamera is too carefree and Tia is too nervous, so Lisa and Ray decide to switch and each teach the other. However, this results in their cars crashing into each other, and the wreck scares Tia off from getting behind the wheel again; and even Lisa who is ordinarily so sure of everything, is shaken up by the experience.
- Tomorrow, we're taking the exam
- for our driver's permit.
Even though it's only a permit,
it's the first step to freedom.
- When we're
- able to drive,
- We'll be able to go
- anywhere we want to go.
Yeah.
Where do we want to go?
Anywhere.
We can drive
to Hawaii!
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed you ♪
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♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
I'll get it.
No, no, no, don't get up.
Please, please,
allow me.
Oh, was that the doorbell?
- What's up,
- Mr. Campbell?
- Oh, I don't
- know, Roger.
- How would you feel living
- with three females?
Don't mess with my head, man.
- What do you
- want, Roger?
Your books are here,
I thought I'd deliver them
personally.
- Great, I've been
- waiting for them.
Oh, that was so sweet, Roger.
So, what's in it for you?
- Hopefully, a peek
- at the twins.
They're taking the test
for their permits.
Ooh, hurt me!
Tia and tamera on wheels?
That's a lethal combination.
You know, ray...
- Go home, Roger,
- and don't call me ray.
- It's customary
- to tip the guy
- Who delivers
- your books.
Really?
- Roger:
- It's true!
Ah, they're finally here.
I can't wait.
- Ooh, when the Victoria's secret
- catalog comes,
- I might have
- to hose you down.
- I took out an ad
- for Ray's limousine service,
And I'm anxious to see it.
- Did the Victoria's secret
- catalogue come?
- Come on, ray.
- Let's see the ad.
Yeah, yeah.
- Let's see, uh,
- where is it there?
- Oh, there's,
- uh, bullet limo,
Uh, speedy limo,
slow but steady limo.
- Like that's
- gonna do well.
Where's my...
- Ray, ray, isn't this... this is
- your address and phone number.
- And, oh, there's your picture
- up in the corner!
Oh, that wink's
a nice touch.
That can't be me.
- Wait a minute,
- this is all wrong.
- I don't own
- the gay limousine service!
That is me!
That wink takes on
a whole new meaning.
I spent years building
the ray limousine service,
- not the gay
- limousine service!
- Ray, it's just
- a simple mistake.
- They just dropped
- the apostrophe and the "s,"
- Changed the "r"
- to a "g"...
Okay, somebody's
got it in for you.
I'm calling them up right now
and demanding that
they get this straight!
Corrected.
Ray, it's too late.
The book's all over Detroit.
You're right.
Oh, my god.
- My mother's
- reading this.
Was she domineering?
We did it!
We did it!
We got our driving permits!
Oh, congratulations!
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
- This is a big day
- in your lives.
- We should celebrate.
- Great.
Let's go drive!
Right now?
In a car? With you?
- I was
- thinking more like
- We stay home
- and have some ice cream.
- Come on, dad. We have
- to drive with someone over 25.
Well, that leaves me out.
I don't want anything
happening to my baby.
Ah, thanks, dad.
Uh, I meant my beemer.
Uh, but you, too, honey.
- Ray, there's
- nothing to worry about.
- These girls can
- do anything.
Yeah!
All right, all right.
Ah, but first, we must
have the traditional
passing of the spare key
from father to daughter.
All right,
here you have your Swiss army
knife, your mini-flashlight,
uh, your, uh, mace and your
alarm and your pepper spray.
Dad, where's
the key?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, I'll get one made.
Here you go, Tia.
If you squeeze little mert,
his eyes bug out and he burps.
Ah, ah, stand back.
Have to turn off the alarm.
You may now approach
the vehicle.
Uh, stand back.
I have to turn off the alarm.
You may now approach
the vehicle.
You may now enter the vehicle.
Okay, I'll lift, you pull.
- Okay, when you get
- behind the wheel,
- You always put on
- your seatbelt.
So, buckle up.
Okay, bungee up.
- Ah, hands at
- 10:00 and 2:00.
- Now, what's the first
- thing you do?
- Find a good
- radio station.
No. Check the mirror.
Check your mirror.
Make sure your makeup's cool.
- You never know who you'll meet
- at a stop sign.
- Now, with your foot
- on the brake,
Put it in gear...
And slowly pull out.
Whoa!
Okay, let's move.
Let's cruise.
Hey!
We're moving,
we're cruising.
Uh, you'd better
step on it, honey.
The old man with
the Walker's gaining on us.
(Opera music playing
(over stereo)
You're doing great, tamera.
- Dad.
- What?
- Can we please
- change this music?
- The screaming's
- getting on my nerves.
Yeah.
Now, remember,
the speed limit here
is 30 miles an hour.
- How am I
- doing, mom?
You could go
27 miles an hour faster.
Go ahead.
You can do it, baby.
That light is your friend.
Hey, move your tail, bozo!
Ah, same to you!
Up your nose!
So's your stinky mama!
You did good, baby.
- Ah, don't,
- don't answer that!
Always keep
your concentration.
Yello.
- It's for you.
- Thanks, dad.
Hey!
Yeah, I'm driving!
Keep your eyes on the road!
- Oh, you're
- at the mall?
- Sure, I can
- pick you up.
- I'll be there in ten minutes
- if I can make a u-ey.
No u-ey! No u-ey!
Now, take the bus.
- Keep your eyes
- on the road!
Slow down,
tamera, slow down!
Faster, Tia.
Faster!
- I'd put
- my foot on the brakes.
Put your foot on the brakes!
For god's sakes, brake!
Curb! Curb!
Too close! Too close!
How do you know?
I think that's
how you know, Tia.
- How can I concentrate
- when you're telling...
- Keep your eyes - on the road!
- Stop!
I'm trying to tell you!
No, you're not!
You were yelling at me.
I wasn't yelling at you.
- I was yelling at those people
- to get out of the way.
- I was yelling
- at innocent pedestrians!
- Sure, take
- their side.
- And in the future,
- when I say "left," I mean left.
You said "left," and I said
"left?" and you said "right!"
I meant "right, go left!"
- How was I supposed
- to know that?
I think driving
on someone's lawn was a clue.
I'm going upstairs
to do my homework.
You just do that.
- I'm not coming
- down till it's done!
Well, I could care!
Huh.
Okay.
- I'm not
- talking to you.
- Well, that's fine
- with me.
- Do you want
- to know why
- I'm not - talking to you?
- Not really.
If I talk to you,
you're gonna tell me
it's my fault.
- I'm not
- talking to you.
- When are you gonna
- start not talking to me?
I can't tell you because
I'm not talking to you.
Oh, miss thing.
Ah.
Pretty scary, huh?
Ray, for 30 seconds today,
I was white.
- Ray, what are you doing?
- Hmm?
- Her driving drove
- me to drink.
Ray, drinking is no way
to deal with your problems.
And if you're going to drink,
you shouldn't be
doing it alone.
Bourbon, neat.
This was supposed to be
a wonderful bonding experience.
Tia bonded.
With a mailbox.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't worry.
- I left a note in their door.
- Oh, that was
- very responsible of you, Lisa.
I knew you'd feel that way.
That's why I signed your name.
I didn't have this problem
when I learned how to drive.
Oh, me either.
It was fun.
- My boyfriend,
- LeBron hunt,
Taught me to drive.
We spent hours in his car.
Must have been tough learning
how to drive in the backseat.
- Ooh, that guy could
- really handle the curves
Along the Lisa Landry
expressway.
Lisa, please,
I'm getting carsick.
So, ray, who taught you
how to drive?
Uh, my grandma.
Oh, that explains why you drive
like an old biddy.
Excuse me?
My grandmother was
a wonderful driver.
Ah, she had reflexes
like a cat.
- She could catch line drives
- at the baseball game.
- Used to play dodge ball
- with all us kids.
Well, up till
she broke her hip.
Oh, she was some kind of woman.
God, I miss her.
Ray, ray, ray,
- I-I think
- you had enough.
- You know, Lisa,
- you look kind of cute.
I have had enough.
Ray, maybe we had
some different experiences
in high school.
- I had a good time, and
- you played ball with grandma,
But we had one thing
in common.
Neither of our parents
taught us how to drive.
- You're right. You know
- what we're gonna have to do?
Ray, I have no idea
where LeBron hunt is,
and grandma is dead.
- No, Lisa. What I,
- what I think we have to do is
I teach Tia,
and you teach tamera.
- Listen, ray,
- I've got a better idea.
You teach both of them,
I'll stay home and pray.
Come on, Lisa,
we'll go out and we'll find
a big empty parking lot.
It'll be
early in the morning,
no other cars around.
Or mailboxes.
A completely
controlled situation.
- (Tires squealing,
- cars crashing)
Stay away from the car.
Stay away... from... the car.
Dad!
Mom?
- Dad,
- are you all right?
Tia, are you okay?
Is my baby okay?
I'm fine, mom.
Dad?
I-I'm all right. How about you?
I'm okay.
It was all Tia's fault.
Look, my door is jammed.
- I can't get out.
- Oh,
- Ray, I wish I had
- the jaws of life.
You do.
I've seen you eat.
- Ray, do the words "upper hand"
- mean anything to you?
Lisa, could you help me
please get the door open?
- All right.
- Come on, girls.
Now, now you lift,
I'll pull.
- This is just
- like my car.
Ah!
Oh, oh, my baby.
- I'm really sorry
- about your car, dad.
No, I-I meant you.
Mom, maybe I wasn't
ready to drive.
Oh, no, no, no, honey,
you were doing great.
Anyone hurt here?
- No, we're all fine,
- officer.
I-I'm hurt.
What happened?
Uh, when I heard
the crash,
- I spun around
- really fast,
- And I got whiplash
- all up in my neck.
You're an idiot.
- Oh, okay,
- thanks, bye.
So, what happened?
I hit the brakes.
And I hit the gas.
- And I hit
- my head.
Let me explain.
You see, we were teaching
our daughters to drive.
So, you're married?
- Please! This
- has been rough enough.
Officer, I think
we'll be fine
could call us a tow truck?
Sure, no problem.
Say, haven't I
seen you before?
Uh, no. I try to stay
two steps ahead of the law.
No, I know.
You're the gay limousine guy.
Yeah, that's him!
Wink for him, ray.
Well, see...
Do you give cops discount?
- My significant other
- and I need a limo
- For the gay
- policeman's ball.
Uh, sure, yeah.
I think it's great
- that you have
- such a liberal attitude.
- I pride myself
- in being an open-minded guy,
Able to see
everyone's point of view,
make no judgments.
- Why don't you
- bring a date?
I-I'm busy.
People, people,
a rocket burger employee
does not sit on his butt.
A rocket burger employee has
a rocket strapped to his butt.
That wasn't in the manual.
- Come on, Steve,
- Tia's a little shook up.
- She got into
- a car accident.
- To show that
- I'm a caring employer,
I'll give you a few minutes
to get your life together.
- That's sensitive
- of you, Steve.
- Excuse me, Denise,
- but were you in an accident?
Well, once when I was
five years old, see,
I was jumping
on the bed...
You! Out!
- Look at my hands.
- They're still shaking.
- Ooh, I like
- your nail Polish.
Tamera, what if there's
another accident?
- Tia, there
- won't be.
- I don't think
- I want to drive again.
You've got to be kidding.
I'd quit right now,
but I keep hearing
my mother's voice,
- "you could do it, baby,
- you could do it."
Tamera, I heard
about the accident.
- I rushed over
- as soon as I could.
- I'm here to offer
- medical attention.
I'm fine, Roger.
- Are you sure you don't
- need any cpr?
No.
- Mouth-to-mouth
- resuscitation?
No, Roger.
A hug?
Go away, Roger!
Tia, I rushed over
as soon as I could.
Strip to the waist.
Beat it, pervert!
- Hey, little lady,
- I heard about the...
A little help here,
people.
- You're driving better,
- baby.
- Really, dad?
- Of course.
Would I lie
to my daughter?
- What's the matter,
- ray?
- I just lied
- to my daughter.
Your service called.
You've got a booking
for a wedding on Saturday.
- Who's
- the lucky couple?
Jeff and Scott.
I was a bit resistant
to all of this at first,
but these guys are big tippers,
and they're really tidy.
Hi, Tia,
- how was the library?
- Fine.
Where's tamera?
Oh, she's upstairs.
We were out driving.
Mom, do you mind
if we wait a while
- before we go out
- driving again?
- Oh, no, of course not,
- honey.
- You take all the time
- you want.
Oh, okay.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
- I just thought
- you would say,
"you can do it, baby."
Oh, well, you can do it...
Baby.
Maybe later.
Maybe later.
So, what's going on?
What do you mean?
- Well, you know, you're
- usually very encouraging.
- More than encouraging.
- Pushy.
Ray, she's not ready
to go back out there yet.
She was in an accident.
Oh, come on, Lisa.
It was no big deal.
No big deal?
It was a head-on collision!
It was flames, twisted steel.
Oh, the humanity.
- Sounds like you
- and Tia have a problem.
There is no problem.
I don't have a problem,
and my daughter
doesn't have a problem.
Oh, come on, honey,
- you sure you
- don't want to drive?
I still don't think
I'm ready, mom.
- Just let me settle down
- with my husband
And raise a family.
Once my kids are in school,
we'll talk about it.
I promise.
Mom, we're not moving.
- Mom, why, why aren't you
- driving?
I can't anymore.
I've been driving you
my whole life.
- It's time for me
- to park it.
I ain't had no life.
But don't you
worry about me.
But, but, mom,
wh-what's gonna happen
to me and the kids?
Wh-what am I gonna do?
I can't drive!
I thought about that,
baby girl.
What's this?
A laminated bus pass.
Good luck.
Mom!
Mom!
You can't go!
You can't go!
I've got a dental
appointment!
Mom!
Mom, where are you?
I'm in the kitchen, Tia.
Mom, I had a nightmare.
- And you wasted
- your entire life
Driving me everywhere.
Oh, come on, baby.
- That's not
- such a bad dream.
You got old and gray
and shriveled up and died.
Bad dream!
Bad dream!
Mom, I don't want you
to waste your life.
It made me realize that i'm
ready to get back out there.
Oh, that's nice.
Maybe over the weekend.
No, let's do it now.
Now, now?
Come on.
There's no time
like the present.
- You're always
- telling me that.
- I was talking
- about cleaning your room.
I can't believe
you're saying this.
You're always pushing me.
Well...
And you've always been
so confident in me.
Well, yes and no.
- Mom, what are you
- talking about?
- When I was only five,
- you let me walk
- With the neighborhood kids
- to kindergarten.
I followed you the whole way
there and back,
going tree-to-tree.
You did?
Like a dog.
Well, how about
- when you bought me
- my first bike
And you let me ride
around the block at night?
Tree-to-tree.
- How about
- my first date?
Tree-to-tree?
Oh, no.
Shrub-to-shrub.
So, you never had
any confidence in me.
- Oh, no, now, baby,
- that's not true.
- I was just overprotective
- of you,
- But I didn't want you
- to think that,
- So I acted like
- I was confident in you.
- So, you won't
- take me driving
- Because you're
- overprotective?
Oh, no.
- 'Cause you're not - confident?
- No.
- Well, what are
- you saying?
I'm scared!
You're scared of me?
Oh, no.
I'm, I'm scared
of the situation.
Honey, in the past, I was
always able to protect you.
- But now you'll
- be in the car,
- And all those other drivers
- are out there.
What do you want me
to do? Not drive?
Would you do that for me?
- Mom, you always
- taught me
- To face
- my fears head-on.
That's an unfortunate
choice of words,
but in this case,
I probably should take
my own advice, huh?
If you ever want me
to trust you again.
You're tough, girl.
You taught me to be.
Come on, Tia.
- Let's hit it!
- Yes!
Oh, another bad choice
of words.
You're doing fine.
I'm confident.
I believe in you, baby.
Watch out!
Hello?
Yes, this is five-five-four...
You know, your voice
sounds familiar.
LeBron?
LeBron hunt?
Oh my, after all these years!
This is Lisa Landry.
You know, moanin' Lisa.
Yeah!
Oh, I'm fine.
I was just talking about how
you taught me how to drive.
Yeah, we were never in neutral.
So, why are you calling?
Ooh.
- You want
- the gay limousine service?
Hold on a minute.
Ray, it's for you!
- for our driver's permit.
Even though it's only a permit,
it's the first step to freedom.
- When we're
- able to drive,
- We'll be able to go
- anywhere we want to go.
Yeah.
Where do we want to go?
Anywhere.
We can drive
to Hawaii!
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed you ♪
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
I'll get it.
No, no, no, don't get up.
Please, please,
allow me.
Oh, was that the doorbell?
- What's up,
- Mr. Campbell?
- Oh, I don't
- know, Roger.
- How would you feel living
- with three females?
Don't mess with my head, man.
- What do you
- want, Roger?
Your books are here,
I thought I'd deliver them
personally.
- Great, I've been
- waiting for them.
Oh, that was so sweet, Roger.
So, what's in it for you?
- Hopefully, a peek
- at the twins.
They're taking the test
for their permits.
Ooh, hurt me!
Tia and tamera on wheels?
That's a lethal combination.
You know, ray...
- Go home, Roger,
- and don't call me ray.
- It's customary
- to tip the guy
- Who delivers
- your books.
Really?
- Roger:
- It's true!
Ah, they're finally here.
I can't wait.
- Ooh, when the Victoria's secret
- catalog comes,
- I might have
- to hose you down.
- I took out an ad
- for Ray's limousine service,
And I'm anxious to see it.
- Did the Victoria's secret
- catalogue come?
- Come on, ray.
- Let's see the ad.
Yeah, yeah.
- Let's see, uh,
- where is it there?
- Oh, there's,
- uh, bullet limo,
Uh, speedy limo,
slow but steady limo.
- Like that's
- gonna do well.
Where's my...
- Ray, ray, isn't this... this is
- your address and phone number.
- And, oh, there's your picture
- up in the corner!
Oh, that wink's
a nice touch.
That can't be me.
- Wait a minute,
- this is all wrong.
- I don't own
- the gay limousine service!
That is me!
That wink takes on
a whole new meaning.
I spent years building
the ray limousine service,
- not the gay
- limousine service!
- Ray, it's just
- a simple mistake.
- They just dropped
- the apostrophe and the "s,"
- Changed the "r"
- to a "g"...
Okay, somebody's
got it in for you.
I'm calling them up right now
and demanding that
they get this straight!
Corrected.
Ray, it's too late.
The book's all over Detroit.
You're right.
Oh, my god.
- My mother's
- reading this.
Was she domineering?
We did it!
We did it!
We got our driving permits!
Oh, congratulations!
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
- This is a big day
- in your lives.
- We should celebrate.
- Great.
Let's go drive!
Right now?
In a car? With you?
- I was
- thinking more like
- We stay home
- and have some ice cream.
- Come on, dad. We have
- to drive with someone over 25.
Well, that leaves me out.
I don't want anything
happening to my baby.
Ah, thanks, dad.
Uh, I meant my beemer.
Uh, but you, too, honey.
- Ray, there's
- nothing to worry about.
- These girls can
- do anything.
Yeah!
All right, all right.
Ah, but first, we must
have the traditional
passing of the spare key
from father to daughter.
All right,
here you have your Swiss army
knife, your mini-flashlight,
uh, your, uh, mace and your
alarm and your pepper spray.
Dad, where's
the key?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, I'll get one made.
Here you go, Tia.
If you squeeze little mert,
his eyes bug out and he burps.
Ah, ah, stand back.
Have to turn off the alarm.
You may now approach
the vehicle.
Uh, stand back.
I have to turn off the alarm.
You may now approach
the vehicle.
You may now enter the vehicle.
Okay, I'll lift, you pull.
- Okay, when you get
- behind the wheel,
- You always put on
- your seatbelt.
So, buckle up.
Okay, bungee up.
- Ah, hands at
- 10:00 and 2:00.
- Now, what's the first
- thing you do?
- Find a good
- radio station.
No. Check the mirror.
Check your mirror.
Make sure your makeup's cool.
- You never know who you'll meet
- at a stop sign.
- Now, with your foot
- on the brake,
Put it in gear...
And slowly pull out.
Whoa!
Okay, let's move.
Let's cruise.
Hey!
We're moving,
we're cruising.
Uh, you'd better
step on it, honey.
The old man with
the Walker's gaining on us.
(Opera music playing
(over stereo)
You're doing great, tamera.
- Dad.
- What?
- Can we please
- change this music?
- The screaming's
- getting on my nerves.
Yeah.
Now, remember,
the speed limit here
is 30 miles an hour.
- How am I
- doing, mom?
You could go
27 miles an hour faster.
Go ahead.
You can do it, baby.
That light is your friend.
Hey, move your tail, bozo!
Ah, same to you!
Up your nose!
So's your stinky mama!
You did good, baby.
- Ah, don't,
- don't answer that!
Always keep
your concentration.
Yello.
- It's for you.
- Thanks, dad.
Hey!
Yeah, I'm driving!
Keep your eyes on the road!
- Oh, you're
- at the mall?
- Sure, I can
- pick you up.
- I'll be there in ten minutes
- if I can make a u-ey.
No u-ey! No u-ey!
Now, take the bus.
- Keep your eyes
- on the road!
Slow down,
tamera, slow down!
Faster, Tia.
Faster!
- I'd put
- my foot on the brakes.
Put your foot on the brakes!
For god's sakes, brake!
Curb! Curb!
Too close! Too close!
How do you know?
I think that's
how you know, Tia.
- How can I concentrate
- when you're telling...
- Keep your eyes - on the road!
- Stop!
I'm trying to tell you!
No, you're not!
You were yelling at me.
I wasn't yelling at you.
- I was yelling at those people
- to get out of the way.
- I was yelling
- at innocent pedestrians!
- Sure, take
- their side.
- And in the future,
- when I say "left," I mean left.
You said "left," and I said
"left?" and you said "right!"
I meant "right, go left!"
- How was I supposed
- to know that?
I think driving
on someone's lawn was a clue.
I'm going upstairs
to do my homework.
You just do that.
- I'm not coming
- down till it's done!
Well, I could care!
Huh.
Okay.
- I'm not
- talking to you.
- Well, that's fine
- with me.
- Do you want
- to know why
- I'm not - talking to you?
- Not really.
If I talk to you,
you're gonna tell me
it's my fault.
- I'm not
- talking to you.
- When are you gonna
- start not talking to me?
I can't tell you because
I'm not talking to you.
Oh, miss thing.
Ah.
Pretty scary, huh?
Ray, for 30 seconds today,
I was white.
- Ray, what are you doing?
- Hmm?
- Her driving drove
- me to drink.
Ray, drinking is no way
to deal with your problems.
And if you're going to drink,
you shouldn't be
doing it alone.
Bourbon, neat.
This was supposed to be
a wonderful bonding experience.
Tia bonded.
With a mailbox.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't worry.
- I left a note in their door.
- Oh, that was
- very responsible of you, Lisa.
I knew you'd feel that way.
That's why I signed your name.
I didn't have this problem
when I learned how to drive.
Oh, me either.
It was fun.
- My boyfriend,
- LeBron hunt,
Taught me to drive.
We spent hours in his car.
Must have been tough learning
how to drive in the backseat.
- Ooh, that guy could
- really handle the curves
Along the Lisa Landry
expressway.
Lisa, please,
I'm getting carsick.
So, ray, who taught you
how to drive?
Uh, my grandma.
Oh, that explains why you drive
like an old biddy.
Excuse me?
My grandmother was
a wonderful driver.
Ah, she had reflexes
like a cat.
- She could catch line drives
- at the baseball game.
- Used to play dodge ball
- with all us kids.
Well, up till
she broke her hip.
Oh, she was some kind of woman.
God, I miss her.
Ray, ray, ray,
- I-I think
- you had enough.
- You know, Lisa,
- you look kind of cute.
I have had enough.
Ray, maybe we had
some different experiences
in high school.
- I had a good time, and
- you played ball with grandma,
But we had one thing
in common.
Neither of our parents
taught us how to drive.
- You're right. You know
- what we're gonna have to do?
Ray, I have no idea
where LeBron hunt is,
and grandma is dead.
- No, Lisa. What I,
- what I think we have to do is
I teach Tia,
and you teach tamera.
- Listen, ray,
- I've got a better idea.
You teach both of them,
I'll stay home and pray.
Come on, Lisa,
we'll go out and we'll find
a big empty parking lot.
It'll be
early in the morning,
no other cars around.
Or mailboxes.
A completely
controlled situation.
- (Tires squealing,
- cars crashing)
Stay away from the car.
Stay away... from... the car.
Dad!
Mom?
- Dad,
- are you all right?
Tia, are you okay?
Is my baby okay?
I'm fine, mom.
Dad?
I-I'm all right. How about you?
I'm okay.
It was all Tia's fault.
Look, my door is jammed.
- I can't get out.
- Oh,
- Ray, I wish I had
- the jaws of life.
You do.
I've seen you eat.
- Ray, do the words "upper hand"
- mean anything to you?
Lisa, could you help me
please get the door open?
- All right.
- Come on, girls.
Now, now you lift,
I'll pull.
- This is just
- like my car.
Ah!
Oh, oh, my baby.
- I'm really sorry
- about your car, dad.
No, I-I meant you.
Mom, maybe I wasn't
ready to drive.
Oh, no, no, no, honey,
you were doing great.
Anyone hurt here?
- No, we're all fine,
- officer.
I-I'm hurt.
What happened?
Uh, when I heard
the crash,
- I spun around
- really fast,
- And I got whiplash
- all up in my neck.
You're an idiot.
- Oh, okay,
- thanks, bye.
So, what happened?
I hit the brakes.
And I hit the gas.
- And I hit
- my head.
Let me explain.
You see, we were teaching
our daughters to drive.
So, you're married?
- Please! This
- has been rough enough.
Officer, I think
we'll be fine
could call us a tow truck?
Sure, no problem.
Say, haven't I
seen you before?
Uh, no. I try to stay
two steps ahead of the law.
No, I know.
You're the gay limousine guy.
Yeah, that's him!
Wink for him, ray.
Well, see...
Do you give cops discount?
- My significant other
- and I need a limo
- For the gay
- policeman's ball.
Uh, sure, yeah.
I think it's great
- that you have
- such a liberal attitude.
- I pride myself
- in being an open-minded guy,
Able to see
everyone's point of view,
make no judgments.
- Why don't you
- bring a date?
I-I'm busy.
People, people,
a rocket burger employee
does not sit on his butt.
A rocket burger employee has
a rocket strapped to his butt.
That wasn't in the manual.
- Come on, Steve,
- Tia's a little shook up.
- She got into
- a car accident.
- To show that
- I'm a caring employer,
I'll give you a few minutes
to get your life together.
- That's sensitive
- of you, Steve.
- Excuse me, Denise,
- but were you in an accident?
Well, once when I was
five years old, see,
I was jumping
on the bed...
You! Out!
- Look at my hands.
- They're still shaking.
- Ooh, I like
- your nail Polish.
Tamera, what if there's
another accident?
- Tia, there
- won't be.
- I don't think
- I want to drive again.
You've got to be kidding.
I'd quit right now,
but I keep hearing
my mother's voice,
- "you could do it, baby,
- you could do it."
Tamera, I heard
about the accident.
- I rushed over
- as soon as I could.
- I'm here to offer
- medical attention.
I'm fine, Roger.
- Are you sure you don't
- need any cpr?
No.
- Mouth-to-mouth
- resuscitation?
No, Roger.
A hug?
Go away, Roger!
Tia, I rushed over
as soon as I could.
Strip to the waist.
Beat it, pervert!
- Hey, little lady,
- I heard about the...
A little help here,
people.
- You're driving better,
- baby.
- Really, dad?
- Of course.
Would I lie
to my daughter?
- What's the matter,
- ray?
- I just lied
- to my daughter.
Your service called.
You've got a booking
for a wedding on Saturday.
- Who's
- the lucky couple?
Jeff and Scott.
I was a bit resistant
to all of this at first,
but these guys are big tippers,
and they're really tidy.
Hi, Tia,
- how was the library?
- Fine.
Where's tamera?
Oh, she's upstairs.
We were out driving.
Mom, do you mind
if we wait a while
- before we go out
- driving again?
- Oh, no, of course not,
- honey.
- You take all the time
- you want.
Oh, okay.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
- I just thought
- you would say,
"you can do it, baby."
Oh, well, you can do it...
Baby.
Maybe later.
Maybe later.
So, what's going on?
What do you mean?
- Well, you know, you're
- usually very encouraging.
- More than encouraging.
- Pushy.
Ray, she's not ready
to go back out there yet.
She was in an accident.
Oh, come on, Lisa.
It was no big deal.
No big deal?
It was a head-on collision!
It was flames, twisted steel.
Oh, the humanity.
- Sounds like you
- and Tia have a problem.
There is no problem.
I don't have a problem,
and my daughter
doesn't have a problem.
Oh, come on, honey,
- you sure you
- don't want to drive?
I still don't think
I'm ready, mom.
- Just let me settle down
- with my husband
And raise a family.
Once my kids are in school,
we'll talk about it.
I promise.
Mom, we're not moving.
- Mom, why, why aren't you
- driving?
I can't anymore.
I've been driving you
my whole life.
- It's time for me
- to park it.
I ain't had no life.
But don't you
worry about me.
But, but, mom,
wh-what's gonna happen
to me and the kids?
Wh-what am I gonna do?
I can't drive!
I thought about that,
baby girl.
What's this?
A laminated bus pass.
Good luck.
Mom!
Mom!
You can't go!
You can't go!
I've got a dental
appointment!
Mom!
Mom, where are you?
I'm in the kitchen, Tia.
Mom, I had a nightmare.
- And you wasted
- your entire life
Driving me everywhere.
Oh, come on, baby.
- That's not
- such a bad dream.
You got old and gray
and shriveled up and died.
Bad dream!
Bad dream!
Mom, I don't want you
to waste your life.
It made me realize that i'm
ready to get back out there.
Oh, that's nice.
Maybe over the weekend.
No, let's do it now.
Now, now?
Come on.
There's no time
like the present.
- You're always
- telling me that.
- I was talking
- about cleaning your room.
I can't believe
you're saying this.
You're always pushing me.
Well...
And you've always been
so confident in me.
Well, yes and no.
- Mom, what are you
- talking about?
- When I was only five,
- you let me walk
- With the neighborhood kids
- to kindergarten.
I followed you the whole way
there and back,
going tree-to-tree.
You did?
Like a dog.
Well, how about
- when you bought me
- my first bike
And you let me ride
around the block at night?
Tree-to-tree.
- How about
- my first date?
Tree-to-tree?
Oh, no.
Shrub-to-shrub.
So, you never had
any confidence in me.
- Oh, no, now, baby,
- that's not true.
- I was just overprotective
- of you,
- But I didn't want you
- to think that,
- So I acted like
- I was confident in you.
- So, you won't
- take me driving
- Because you're
- overprotective?
Oh, no.
- 'Cause you're not - confident?
- No.
- Well, what are
- you saying?
I'm scared!
You're scared of me?
Oh, no.
I'm, I'm scared
of the situation.
Honey, in the past, I was
always able to protect you.
- But now you'll
- be in the car,
- And all those other drivers
- are out there.
What do you want me
to do? Not drive?
Would you do that for me?
- Mom, you always
- taught me
- To face
- my fears head-on.
That's an unfortunate
choice of words,
but in this case,
I probably should take
my own advice, huh?
If you ever want me
to trust you again.
You're tough, girl.
You taught me to be.
Come on, Tia.
- Let's hit it!
- Yes!
Oh, another bad choice
of words.
You're doing fine.
I'm confident.
I believe in you, baby.
Watch out!
Hello?
Yes, this is five-five-four...
You know, your voice
sounds familiar.
LeBron?
LeBron hunt?
Oh my, after all these years!
This is Lisa Landry.
You know, moanin' Lisa.
Yeah!
Oh, I'm fine.
I was just talking about how
you taught me how to drive.
Yeah, we were never in neutral.
So, why are you calling?
Ooh.
- You want
- the gay limousine service?
Hold on a minute.
Ray, it's for you!