Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 17 - Playing Hooky - full transcript

- Thanks
- for helping out, Roger.

Well, I think we finally got

all the, uh...

Leaks.

Hey, that's a nice beat.

- Yeah, it sounds
- a little like Beethoven.

Hey, let me put

a back beat to that.

- Now it's beginning
- to sound like a rumba.

(Singing melody

(to "la cucaracha")



Uh, we're just looking

for a couple drips.

And I think we found 'em.

(Rhythmic dripping

(continues)

♪ Talk about

a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed you ♪

Okay... the magna carta

was signed in what year?

Okay, I know this.



Um, the year was 1211.

No, no, no,

uh, 1138.

No, that's

my locker combination.

Tamera...

My brain hurts.

Girls?

I heard a crunchin'

of a potato chip,

and it snapped me out

of a deep sleep.

- What you doing up
- at 2:00 in the morning?

- We have this big
- history test tomorrow.

And we're not even up

to the punic wars.

Mmm, well, I don't remember

punic wars, honey.

Ooh, but I had

a couple of bikini waxes

that were brutal.

What are we gonna do?

Well, have you tried

the rhyming method?

What's that?

Well, you know, like,

uh, let me see...

Okay...

- ♪ They chopped off the head
- of this homegirl, Marie ♪

That's great, mom!

♪ The huguenots were destroyed

by cardinal richelieu ♪

That's one

of them free verses.

Hey, what's going on here?

- Just keep your robe tied, ray,
- and everybody'll be happy.

Why did you girls wait

till the last minute

to study?

- Dad, we've been studying
- for weeks.

It's just that history

goes so far back.

Come on, girls,

you're falling asleep.

Yeah, Lisa's right.

- I'll make
- a fresh pot of coffee.

- We'll pull an all-nighter.
- Oh, it'll be fun.

Whoa, history party...

Get down.

You guys, do you mind?

We have to concentrate.

Tamera, wake up!

Magna carta!

Come on, girls,

your hands are shaking.

- You got hefty bags
- under your eyes.

- I've never seen you
- like this before.

- Come on, no, it's time
- to go to bed.

- But we gotta...
- We have...

Bed! Now!

- Come on, a good night's sleep
- is just what you need.

I'll wake you up

in three hours,

and you can get a fresh start.

I'm so proud of those girls.

Ray, what're you doing

- putting 'em under
- so much pressure?

- You put a lump of coal
- under pressure,

And you'll get a diamond.

- You know what happens - when you do that
- To a person?

- You get a pile
- of fingernails over here,

- A bunch of chewed-up
- pencils over here,

And look, look at this!

They ate

this whole box of cookies.

Oops, no, that was me.

All right, class,

here's your tests.

I can't take this test.

I'm too exhausted.

Me, too.

- When I blink,
- I can see inside my brain.

How does it look?

Empty.

- Tia, tamera,
- you'd better go

- To the principal's office
- right away.

But we haven't even

flunked the test yet.

Just go, girls.

It's an emergency.

I'm sure it's nothing.

Yeah, of course.

- Absolutely.
- Nothing's wrong.

Surprise!

Who died?

Is my dad okay?

No, everything's fine, girls.

- Well, then what's
- the emergency?

There is no emergency.

Huh?

- I'm bustin'
- you outta here!

Is this some weird way

of telling me

grandma's dead?

Would you get off

this death trip?

- We're ditching!
- Get your stuff!

- Why?
- Well, honey,

- You've been - under a lot of stress,
- The sun is shining,

And I just put $1.75 worth

of gas in the caddy!

Lisa, this is great!

We're gonna play hooky?

Ooh, I'm so excited,

I might even take

my top down.

Hope she's talking

about her car.

Here...

Look, now just be cool,

be calm,

and be inconspicuous.

- And if the hall monitor
- stops us,

Just tell her

we're the blues sisters.

Speed bump!

- I can't believe
- we're cutting school!

- Yeah, this'll give us
- a whole extra day to study!

- Oh, you're really missing
- the point of all this,

Aren't you, sweetie?

I never ditched before!

I feel so bad!

- Do you think - we're gonna get
- In trouble?

Only if we're lucky.

Hey, fellas, whoo!

Where's the party?

Mom, if you moon them,

we're outta here!

Ooh, that's a good idea.

- Hold the wheel.
- Mom!

Ah, gotcha!

Whoo!

- That was fun!
- Yeah.

Come on, Mr. Campbell,

just step up.

You're okay.

- I forgot something
- down there on the ground.

What's that?

That I'm afraid of heights.

- Take it easy,
- Mr. Campbell.

- I think I found
- the problem.

- Okay... well, I guess
- we should roll up our sleeves

And do whatever it is

we're supposed to do.

Are you sure?

- I don't think you want
- to mess up your manicure.

It's not a manicure.

My nails are naturally shiny.

Right.

And my hair

just naturally grows

like this.

- Can we get on with this?
- Get outta the way.

Well, we gotta pull out

the cross-hatching

- and re-caulk around
- the chimney flashing.

Oh... how do you know

how to do all this?

- Well, my daddy
- used to take me

- To some
- of his construction jobs.

Ah!

- Boy, I bet that gave you
- two guys a chance to bond.

No, but that's where I learned

how to compliment women.

Whoo-whoo, baby!

Nice rack, mama!

Roger, that's the mailman.

Dang, I need glasses.

And that guy needs a bra.

Double speed bump!

Whoa, whoa!

- Mom, I think you left
- your muffler back there.

Ah, they overrated.

- This has been
- the greatest day.

Yeah, but...

It kind of stinks in here.

- Is it me
- or do you smell horse?

It's you!

It's you!

- This is so fun.
- We should do this more often.

Uh-uh, girls, this is

a once-in-a-lifetime offer.

Now it's time

for your ditch day snacks.

Okay, let me see.

Cheetos, fritos,

and for me...

Four burritos.

- So, what're
- we gonna do next?

- Oh, well, honey, - we can go anywhere,
- Do anything.

The world is our oyster.

- Now where do we
- want to go?

Shopping!

That thing must be

the wrong size.

Ma'am, you asked for a five.

This is a small five.

I need a five that's closer

to a nine-and-a-half.

Well,

uh, maybe if I oil your toes.

- No, that won't do
- any good.

Oh, well,

can I oil 'em anyway?

I like your feet.

Just get me my shoes,

you little freak.

Lisa, does this make me

look fat?

Oh, no, tamera,

you look beautiful.

- But, honey, if you're
- worried about being fat,

Just do what I do.

- Stand next to a friend
- who's chubbier than you.

And don't be looking at me.

Oh, my gosh!

It's the principal!

Why isn't he in school?

- See, that's
- why Johnny can't read.

No, mom, it's okay.

It's after school.

- No, I told him
- we had a medical emergency.

- Hit the floor! Pretend
- you're having a heart attack.

- He's coming this way.
- What're we gonna do?

- Hide, hide!
- Where? Where?

- Here, here! - Oh.
- Oh.

I think he's gone.

I didn't think anyone else

did this but me.

- Whew!
- We just beat the rain.

Whew!

- You know, Roger,
- it feels good

- To do a hard day's work,
- doesn't it?

Yeah.

- It feels even better
- to get paid for it.

Oh, yeah.

- You know, - if professional roofers
- Had done the job,

- It would've cost me,
- oh, $2,000.

Here's ten bucks.

Thanks.

This ought to put me

in a new tax bracket.

(Thunder rumbling,

(rain pattering)

- Hey, Roger,
- give me back my ten bucks!

Hello?

Yeah, this is Mr. Campbell.

Emergency? What emergency?

They left in the middle

of a test?

- Well, I appreciate
- your concern.

No, no, no,

it-it makes me

very, very happy.

Bye.

Hi, dad!

- Hi, ray.
- Hi, ray

Hi, girls, how was the test?

Our test?

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Easier than we thought.

- Well, I'm glad
- you had a good day.

So are we.

- You see,
- your school just called.

She made us do it!

They're lying, ray!

Lisa?

All right, all right.

- I did it, I did it!
- I confess.

Get me Johnnie Cochran.

Lisa.

- You busted them
- out of school

In the middle of a test?

- Technically,
- it was the beginning.

- How could you be
- so irresponsible?

- Well, the girls
- were about to crack.

They needed a little fun.

- Fun? School
- is not supposed to be fun!

- You wouldn't know fun
- if it goosed you.

- I know
- what's important in life.

- And I know there are
- more important things

Than a stupid test!

- That's why you are
- what you are.

Huh?

Oh, what are I?

It's "what am I?"

You are an uptight,

no-fun having party-pooper

stick in the mud!

And that is dull mud.

Let me tell you something.

Tamera is my daughter.

- Mine, mine, mine...
- You hear me?

The whole neighborhood

hears you, ray!

- Look, in the future,
- I don't want you interfering

- With the upbringing
- of my child.

Tamera is my child!

You are not her mother,

- and don't you
- ever think you are.

Oh, well, I'm shaking,

ray, I'm shaking!

Ooh, I am shaking.

During the next few days,

our house became a war zone.

- But even though there were
- a lot of bad feelings,

Our parents

were mature enough

to hide their hostilities.

Dinner!

- Come on, girls,
- now eat your spinach.

- It'll make you
- big and... oh.

- Excuse me, tamera, - I shouldn't
be giving you - You any advice,

After all,

you're not "mine, mine, mine!"

Mom...

- Lisa, for the sake
- of the children,

- Let's try and be civil
- to one another.

- Hmm, oh, yeah, sure.
- Civil's my middle name.

Would you like

a little meatloaf?

Down your pants?

Thank you.

Looks delicious.

What died?

So ray,

how was your day?

Like I care.

- Well, actually,
- it was fascinating.

- Guess who ordered
- a stretch limo?

The deputy mayor.

Why am I talking

to this bozo?

Oh, that's

fascinating, ray.

Fascinating!

I bet he dyes his hair.

Yep, another day,

another dollar.

Look at her.

The woman's a buzz saw.

See, now isn't this nice?

- Yeah, everybody's getting
- along so well.

Yeah, I guess

we all respect each other.

How much longer

do I have to look

at that ugly chicken neck?

Uh-oh, something

got mixed up.

I knew you were faking it.

Well, I was pretending, too!

- Well, I was pretending
- before you were pretending!

- Yeah? You eat
- like a buzz saw!

- Well, you look
- like a buzzard!

Ewww!

Who do you think you are, Lisa?

Huh? Tell me that!

- Mr. Campbell...
- What?

- It's okay to let off
- a little steam,

- But, of course, that part
- of the roof was okay.

Oh, well,

I'm all right now.

Hey, I understand.

- When my father
- and mother get into it...

Lisa is not the mother!

Yeah, yeah, I heard

you last night.

You know...

You do kind of look

like a buzzard.

Roger...

A... a handsome buzzard.

- Come on,
- let's break for lunch.

- Lunch? I didn't
- bring anything.

Really? I hate it

when that happens.

Ooh, that looks good.

It is.

Have you ever tried

one of these babies?

- Oh, no.
- Well, you really should.

You know, this is just

too much for one person.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm saving

the rest for later.

Hey, hey... give me that.

All you had to do was ask.

I don't know how

my life got so complex.

One day,

I'm a happy-go-lucky guy,

- and I blink, and suddenly,
- I feel like I'm carrying

- The weight of the world.
- You know, Roger...

Roger, what are you doing?

Yeah, yeah,

"weight of the world."

Would you put those away?

I'm just doing

a little bird watching.

- Bird watching?
- Right.

- There's a golden
- crested Finch

- Right in front
- of that naked woman.

So the cold war continued.

Dad was spending

more and more time

fixing the roof.

- And the more he fixed it,
- the more it leaked.

Meanwhile, mom was

taking this pretty hard.

- Ray's words
- really hurt her,

And I guess she tried

to relive happier days.

She tried to find

inner peace on the ice.

Then, she tried

to find comfort

communing with nature.

But, as the week went on,

- she got
- more and more depressed.

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, sweet mama!

I'm not the mama.

Dad, can I talk to you?

Sure, honey.

- You've got to give
- Lisa a break.

Mm, I'd like to,

in three places.

That was a good one, dad.

Good one.

Oh, stop kissing up.

Dad!

She just wanted us

to have a little fun.

- Don't you see
- what's happening here?

- She's miss fun,
- and I'm mister, mister...

Dull?

- You didn't have
- to jump in so fast.

Oh, come on, dad,

you're fun.

But, but you're

a different kind of fun.

You're fun like

the discovery channel's fun.

She had no right.

Dad, we're going

to make up the test.

Lisa was just

trying to help.

She was way out of line.

You know, I kind of like

her acting like a mom.

- I mean,
- there are certain things

- That are easier
- to talk to her about.

Name one.

Cramps.

We...

We could talk about cramps.

Later.

Roger, hand me some nails.

Roger? R-Roger? Roger!

Put down those binoculars.

- Mrs. Campbell,
- she's wearing gravity boots.

- And she's hanging
- upside down.

Give me those!

- What you're doing
- is wrong, immoral

- And I'm sure
- it's against the law.

It's the police!

You on the roof,

put down the binoculars!

Whoa!

Oh!

Whoa!

- Oh!
- Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

- Hey, Lisa, there's
- a helicopter over our house.

Yeah, feel like

I'm back in the hood.

- Except ain't no good barbecue
- around here.

Hey, look!

We got invited

to a pool party.

A pool party?

- What's the matter,
- tamera?

Uh, I don't know.

- I just feel funny
- wearing a bathing suit

In front of a bunch of guys.

Oh, well, honey,

maybe you're not ready.

- Besides, you don't have
- to go to this party right now.

You can always...

Oh, no, wait.

- I shouldn't be
- giving you advice.

- You better go talk
- to your father.

- What do you mean?
- Well, honey,

- Maybe I have been overstepping
- my boundaries a little.

- But I like it
- when you do that.

- Yeah, but I had
- some time this afternoon

- To think about ray
- when I was brushing

That horse's behind.

And I realized

that he was right.

And he's your father,

and I have to back off.

But, Lisa...

No, tamera.

Now, honey, as hard as it is

for me to say this,

I'm not your mother.

- And, well,
- I've got to back off.

I... I don't like it,

but that's the way...

Oh, baby, look out!

Mom! Mom!

Lisa!

- Dad, help!
- What?

Mom, where are you?

Dad, she's under here!

I'm coming, Lisa!

Ow! I think I broke my leg!

I'm coming, Lisa!

Dad, Lisa saved me!

She pushed me

out of the way.

- I'll dig you out
- with my bare hands!

Ow! Lisa, I'm coming!

- I'm sorry, Lisa!
- I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry
- for everything!

Lisa, talk to me!

- You saved my baby.
- You are the mama!

You are the mama.

Ray...

Did you say

I was the mother?

Yeah, I-I guess I did.

Ah...

Well, this mother's

going to sue your butt!

Get me out of here.

Oh, my arm! My arm!

Watch my leg!

Careful, mom, careful.

How are you feeling?

Anybody asks me the time,

I'm ready.

Dad, how are you doing?

I'd rather

suffer in silence.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

- I'll go get you
- some tea and aspirin.

Okay.

Zap me a couple

of smoky links.

Pork does a body good.

Whoa!

Nice day.

Mm-hmm.

You know, ray,

that was very heroic

the way you jumped down

to save me.

- I don't know,
- I... I saw you in trouble

- And I guess
- I just reacted instinctively.

- You said - some pretty nice things
- When you were pulling

Those bricks off my head

and tossing them on my legs.

- You know,
- maybe I have been putting

- The girls
- under too much pressure.

I was wrong, too.

- Next time
- I get some wild idea,

- I'll check it out
- with you first.

And after you say no,

I'm going to do it anyway.

I appreciate that.

So... I'm glad we got

this co-parenting thing

worked out.

You know it's funny,

- we're acting
- like a real married couple.

(Lightning striking,

(thunder rumbling)

Oh, you don't have

to tell us.

We know it's ugly.

Ooh! Ooh!

What a woman!

Tia, tamera,

principal's office.

Again?

- And hurry back.
- We're going to be discussing

The economic roots

of the Roman empire.

Goody.

Psst, psst.

- Oh, my gosh,
- is grandma dead again?

No, no, I just wanted

to show you that Lisa's not

the only one

- who knows how to have fun
- in our family. Let's go!

Dad, you're a wild man.

So where are we going?

- Well, first I've got to go
- by my orthopedic surgeon.

- Then I got to stop
- by the pharmacy.

- After that,
- we're gonna party!

You girls

are playing hooky

with the ditch master!

Mr. Campbell?

Mr. Campbell?

It's the principal.

- Oh, boy, let's go.
- Come on, girls.

Excuse me.

Ditch master?

Oh, hi.

- I'd like to see you
- in my office, Mr. Campbell.

Now.

- They don't still paddle,
- do they?

Will this go on

my permanent record?