Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 15 - Scrambled Eggs - full transcript

Tia and Tamera's school project on parenting is not what it's cracked up to be when Tamera is paired with Roger; Lisa tries to impress Terrence's religious parents; and Ray gives an E-mail dating system a try.

Welcome to family planning 101.

In this elective, you're

all going to get married

and have a baby.

This is your baby.

Love it, Cherish it...

- But don't
- scramble it.

This assignment will

prepare you for the future

by taking you through all

the joys and crises of marriage.



Now, I'm going to divide

the class into couples.

- I want to marry
- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim,

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim,

Jim, Jim, Jim...

Please,

come up to the altar

as I pronounce

you husband and wife.

Larry and Renee,

Andy and Carrie...

- Jim, Jim, Jim, - Jim, Jim, Jim...
- What are you doing?

- I'm praying
- for Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim,

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim...



Tia and Michael.

All right!

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim...

Tamera and Roger.

Roger?!

Tamera, tamera...

It worked!

Make room for the groom!

How did this happen?

- My prayers were
- stronger than yours.

- So, what're you going
- to wear on our honeymoon?

- Nothing.
- Me, too.

♪ Talk about a two-way twister

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed you ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let... you... go ♪

No! No, honey.

No, it's no trouble at all.

Mm-mnh.

No, I want everybody

over here.

No. No, really.

I'm delighted.

Bye-bye.

What, are we out

of häagen-dazs?

What did I do, ray?

What did I do?

- Guess who's
- coming to dinner?

Sidney poitier.

Terrence's parents.

- Ooh, you're meeting them
- for the first time?

Yeah. But it's going

to be okay, right?

They're going to like me.

What's not to like?

Let me get my list.

Oh, ray!

Oh, Lisa, it'll be fine.

- Just, just tell them what
- a gentleman their son is,

- Uh, how young they look,
- and don't make that

- Smacking noise
- when you eat.

What smacking noise?

You know, that

dog-lapping-up-water sound.

I don't do that.

- Lisa, the neighbors
- have complained.

Hi, dad!

- Tamera and I
- just got married.

- Yeah.
- We had to.

What?

Dad, it's just

for a class.

Oh...

One I wouldn't

mind flunking.

Don't touch me!

Wedding night jitters.

She'll get over it.

- Hey, mom, we got
- married today, too.

And you're a grandma!

- Call me that again,
- and I will eat your baby.

Okay, the first

thing we have to do

is name the baby.

I definitely want a girl.

- That's the story
- of your life.

Hey, your little girl

- can play
- with our little boy.

I don't think so.

- I was a little
- boy once.

I know how

that mind works.

- Can we just
- name these eggs

And get it over with?

How about humpty dumpty?

What about talamika?

It's Swahili for

"precious flower."

- That's cool.
- How'd you know that?

I made it up.

I name you talamika.

Thank you, kunte.

Okay, now we have to assign

responsibilities.

"Changing the diapers,

- bathing the baby,
- feeding the baby..."

That's all you, Tia.

- What?
- You're the woman.

And you're the pig.

- Dang, man,
- it's the 90's.

Everything's 50-50.

Roger, that's really nice.

- Except for the
- breast-feeding.

I'd do it, but you're

better equipped.

- You know, I'm still
- a little nervous

- About meeting your folks.
- Oh, don't be, honey.

- I mean, they're
- going to love you

Just the way you are.

- You're not going
- to wear that, though, are you?

Well, what's wrong with this?

- Well, it's just that
- you, you know,

My, my mom and dad are

god-fearing people.

They're also a little afraid

of cleavage.

- Boo!
- Ooh.

I'm sorry, honey,

but can you try to

downplay those bad boys?

Now, you know that's impossible.

And just remember,

I'm just a sweet,

little, innocent

preacher's son.

Yeah, and I'm little Bo peep.

Bye, baby.

Bye-bye.

Ray, are you sad?

A little.

Well, don't bring me down.

- Well, thanks for talking me
- off the ledge.

All right, all right...

What's the matter?

- You know, I see you
- and Terrence so in love.

My daughter's married

and has an egg.

I guess I'm just lonely.

- Come on, let me
- show you something.

What?

Your computer here,

got a great dating system.

You can find a female

on your e-mail.

- Lisa, that's
- so impersonal.

- There's 43,000
- women in here.

I like those odds.

Okay.

- Now, first we have
- to enter your dating profile.

Okay, ray, describe yourself.

- Well...
- Nah, that ain't it.

Come on, ray,

sell yourself.

Ah, okay, let's see, um,

uh, nice, hard-working man,

middle-aged...

Um...

Nice, hard-bodied man,

late-20s.

Lisa!

Stallion-like...

- Intellectual...
- That's to weed out those bimbos.

With a black belt.

Lisa, that is not true.

Ooh, let me add

just one final touch.

"Black fabio"?

Lisa, Lisa...

What?

I like that.

During the next few days,

we all experienced

the trials of parenting.

Michael, where's the baby?

- You were supposed to be
- taking care of him.

I've got it under control.

He's taking a little nap.

The baby needs

to be changed.

I cannot believe you!

You are the worst father!

It's an egg, Tia.

- That's not the only
- thing that's cracked.

We need counseling.

- Look at the crib I made
- for talamika in shop class.

Aw, Roger,

that's so cute.

You're my little

nubian Princess.

She's looking more and

more like you every day.

Yeah, but I gave her your butt.

Roger...

Come on.

Darling, that

bouillabaisse was delicious.

Ooh, thank you.

I caught all

the fish myself.

Just like the apostles.

What's that noise?

Oh, oh, that's our dog.

Shut up in there, fluffy!

Well, I hope it wasn't

too much trouble.

Oh, I enjoy cooking

and cleaning.

And, most of all,

reading my Bible

from cover to cover.

I told Terrence

that the woman

that captured his heart

must know the lord.

Got his home number.

Amen to that.

Hallelujah!

Yeah, I'm very blessed.

He's so fresh.

Terrence, I haven't

seen you this happy

since you were a baby.

Oh, mom, don't...

Don't, don't take out

the baby pictures, please.

Oh, I just happen

to have them with me.

- My baby
- as a baby?

- Ooh,
- let me see!

Let me see!

- Oh, I mean,
- I'd be pleased to look.

Here he is,

at six months and

naked as a jaybird.

Mom, please!

- And look at those
- little dimples,

Right on his bottom.

Yeah, they still there,

only bigger and better.

Mmm, yummy!

- Oh, well, no, no,
- I didn't want to see them.

He just showed them

to me one day.

He mooned me.

Uh, Lisa, how about dessert?

- Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea.
- Great idea.

Yeah.

Yeah. Anybody for some

nice blackbottom pie?

Bonnie, I'm having

a wonderful time.

It's nice, isn't it?

- When I get home,
- I'm going to kiss my computer.

Well, why don't you

practice on me first?

- Excuse me.
- What? What's wrong?

You cut in line.

- My wife was saving my place
- while I parked the car.

Ah, see? Just a little

misunderstanding.

Get your big, burly butt

to the end of the line,

- or you'll have
- to deal with him.

"Him"? Who him?

And, tubby, you don't want

to get the stallion angry,

'cause he has a black belt,

and he'll snap

your behind in two.

Tell him, baby.

Uh... I'm not really

a stallion.

- No, what she meant to say was,
- um, "I'm a pony for peace."

Okay, we've been

married for a year.

The best year of my life.

And we're having

a major crisis.

- You've lost your job,
- we're homeless,

And we don't have

enough money to eat.

- Dang, they're really trying
- to break a brother down.

So what are

we going to do?

Don't worry, I'll become

a chippendale dancer.

We can live off my tips.

Uh-oh, our baby's

going to starve.

- No, no.
- I'll get two jobs.

I'll do anything

for you and talamika.

Roger, I've never seen

this side of you.

To know me is to love me.

Well, I think it's

talamika's bedtime.

You're right.

Over the next week,

- we were all trying to adjust
- to family life.

- Tia, you are
- driving me crazy!

- You think your life is
- more important than mine!

- Look, you just
- take care of the egg,

- And I'll bring home
- the bacon!

You killed the baby!

But the egg was having

an even stranger effect

on Roger and me.

Hi, sweetheart.

- I got a present
- for you.

- Roger.
- Well,

- I didn't know whether to get
- you something practical

- Or romantic, so I got you
- something cheap.

(Music box plays

("rock-a-bye baby")

Roger, this is

so sweet.

- Want to go out
- to dinner tonight?

Sure. I'd love to.

I mean, no.

All right, yes.

No! What time?

Wait!

Roger, we definitely

can't go out.

This is crazy!

Dang.

Those hormonal changes can

really mess with your head.

- So, Paula, I hope you
- like Chinese food.

Chinese food?

- Well, we can go - somewhere else.
- Oh, no.

It's just that my boyfriend went

out to pick up Chinese food

and picked up my sister instead.

Well, sounds like you're

better off without him.

You're right.

See? Every cloud has

a silver lining.

You, you said "cloud".

Yeah?

I used to date a weatherman,

and he left me for my aunt.

Well, there's a lot of love

in your family.

Hey, hey, it's okay,

it's okay.

Listen, I mean,

we all carry emotional

baggage around.

Baggage?

Did you say baggage?

Uh, not necessarily.

I used to date a sky cap.

And he left you

for your cousin?

How-how did you know?

I guess I'm psychic.

I dated a psychic.

- Honey, it's gonna
- be okay.

I just don't think

- I made a very good
- first impression.

- Uh, don't worry.
- Listen.

- After church, we'll
- all go out

For some blackbottom pie.

- Terrence,
- I'm not laughing.

I have to do something

- to let your parents know
- I'm a, a good Christian woman.

It's gonna be okay.

Oh, wait a minute, baby,

- you got some lint here
- on your pants.

Uh, I was just...

He had...

Ooh, help me, Jesus.

We are blessed to be

in the house of the lord.

Amen!

Amen!

Amen, amen!

Amen!

Have you ever been

so discouraged

that you didn't know what to do?

Yes!

Been there!

Know it well!

Well, remember what

Isaiah 40:31 says:

"They who wait upon the lord

shall renew their strength."

Well, well.

"And they shall mount up

with wings like eagles."

The sister knows her Bible.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah!

Praise the lord!

If you start speaking in

tongues, I'm out of here.

You know what, church?

I feel the spirit!

Lisa's a fine woman.

- Ooh, thank you,
- father!

You've answered

my prayers.

♪ I feel it

all over ♪

- ♪ Oh, I feel
- it... ♪

The collection plate!

The money!

Somebody get the money!

Oops!

Mm, gonna be real hot

where I'm going.

- Mom, what's
- the matter?

- I don't want
- to think about it.

I feel terrible.

- Aha.
- You feel terrible?

I had back-to-back dates

with Rosemary's baby

and the demon seed.

Oh,

the black fabio had a bad time?

- How hard could it be to find a
- woman who likes Chinese food?

I love Chinese food.

- A good movie.
- Go all the time.

- And enjoys
- a good laugh.

What's so funny?

You just described me.

- Yikes!
- Yikes!

I am having a bad day. Ooh!

- You think
- you're having a bad day?

- Today I destroyed
- an entire church.

Now somebody try and top that!

Well, my marriage to Michael

is on the rocks.

Not even close.

I...

I think I'm in love with Roger.

- You win! - You win!
- You win!

- Excuse me, I'm looking
- for the reverend...

- Reverend
- and Mrs. Winningham.

- Hello. - Oh!
- Hello?

I'm sorry about what happened.

- I hope no religious artifacts
- were destroyed.

- Hey, dad, I saved
- the bingo board.

Hey, honey.

- Oh, I guess I was trying
- so hard to impress you,

I wasn't acting like myself.

Please don't hate me.

- Oh, we don't
- hate you.

We fear you, but

we don't hate you.

I mean, I've been moved

by the spirit before,

but this is the first time

I leveled a building.

Oh, it's okay.

Sometimes a catastrophe

brings people closer to god.

- And, thanks
- to you,

- Our membership
- is way up.

Mm-hmm.

Really?

Oh, that's great.

Maybe I should join.

- No!
- No, no, no.

All right, class,

it's time to pick up your

certificates of completion.

It's funny how marriage

can change people.

- Tia and Michael
- almost broke up

But were saved by their

dramatic make up scene.

Sorry for being a pig.

Sorry for being a nag.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't

that dramatic.

As for Roger and me,

we had a lot of things

to figure out.

Honey, our baby's gone.

It's so funny how quickly

they grow up.

You know,

- I remember when I first
- held talamika...

- Roger,
- the assignment's over.

Let's talk about

something else.

Oh, yeah sure.

It's time to get on

with our lives.

So.

- So, how was your
- history test?

- Oh, man, it was
- so rough.

When I got my grade,

I cried like a baby.

Talamika, I miss you!

You know, Roger,

without the baby,

we don't seem to have

very much in common.

Yeah, all we have is

that raw, hot passion.

We never had raw,

hot passion.

In my mind, we did.

Roger, move your hand.

The one on my knee.

Oh.

- You should be ashamed
- of yourself.

Roger, thank you!

For what?

For being your old,

annoying self.

The spell's broken.

I'm free!

Wait, wait!

It can't be over!

Please don't say it's over.

Whenever I hear

"rock-a-bye, baby",

I'll think of you.

Rock-a-bye, baby!

Rock-a-bye, baby!

♪ When the wind

blows... ♪

Hello!

Hi.

Ever gone out

with a divorced man?

Ray, styling

and profiling.

And smiling.

I'm going out tonight.

Oh?

- Just answer me
- one question.

- Animal, vegetable
- or mineral?

No more psycho women

for me, Lisa.

This time I told

the truth.

And you got a date?

Yes, Lisa.

I've already got a call

- from a nice,
- intelligent woman.

- And I could tell
- by talking to her

- That we have a
- lot in common.

And she's picking

me up.

Hello, Raymond.

She's cute!