Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 12 - Put to the Test - full transcript
Tia and Tamera take the S.A.T exams, and later when the results come back the twins get surprising test scores; Lisa tries to sell some of her at a boutique store, but she is snubbed by the owner.
High school
is full of a thousand
different fears
- that can strike
- at any moment.
And we're not even
counting the mystery meat
in the cafeteria.
You can be terrified
to ask for a date.
You can be terrified
of having a bad hair day.
Or you can just be
terrified of life.
- But the granddaddy
- of all high school terrors
Is the s.A.T.'S.
- And to deal
- with this impending doom...
Some of us took
the hi-tech highway.
Some of us took
the spiritual road.
Some of us took
the studious approach.
And then there was me.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed you ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
Okay, girls, one more
vocabulary word.
- Mom...
- Lisa...
Mmm...
Okay, "conflagration."
Oh, isn't that something
that comes out of your nose?
Conflagration means "fire."
That's right, Tia.
Oh... conflagration.
That means fire.
Well, you girls ready
for those s.A.T.'S?
- Yeah, I'm just doin'
- some last-minute drilling.
At this point, Lisa,
I don't think it does
much good to cram.
What you know is,
well, what you know.
Oh, man, I'm in trouble.
There's our bus.
- Good luck, girls.
- I know you're gonna do well.
Take it easy.
- You don't need
- any extra pressure.
- Just go in there
- and be dauntless.
- That means "positive
- and confident."
Yeah, daunt away.
- Yes, dad.
- Okay, mom.
And don't exacerbate
your worries by doing
anything incongruous.
Yeah, what ray said.
- Exacerbate means
- "to worsen."
- Incongruous
- is "not fitting."
Oh, honk, honk.
- That's onomatopoeia: - "Words
that sound like - What they are."
- Yeah, buzz, buzz,
- chirp, chirp, beep, beep.
Bye-bye!
If two buses meet at point a
at the same time, and one...
Let it go,
Mr. Cram man.
Yeah, I guess
it's all up to them now.
Yeah.
Oh, this is so exciting.
My baby's so smart,
she'll probably end up
at "hah-vud."
That's how they say
that there, ray, "hah-vud."
Well, it'd be great to go
to an Ivy league school.
Yeah, I hope Tia remembers
her geometric equations.
I just hope tamera
remembered her pencil.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, Doug.
Hey!
Watch your hands,
you little spider head.
No, no, I was just trying
to get into my locker.
- If I was going
- to touch anyone,
- It'd be
- your gorgeous girlfriend.
You dogging my woman, boy?
No, no, I'm a dog.
- I gotta go
- chase a car now.
Bye.
He must have
one ugly mother.
Nobody talks
about my mama.
- Oh, man,
- what did I just do?
I think I just had
a psychotic episode,
but I'm better now.
What's your problem, maggot?
Right now, breathing.
- Let's just see
- how smart you are
- When I rip out
- your spleen.
- You don't have to rip it out.
- I'll just give it to you.
How you doin'?
I'll see you after school.
- Don't try to hide,
- 'cause I know where you live.
Yeah, well,
you better run, you punk!
Okay, students,
we will now begin
the s.A.T.'S.
- Remember to read
- the instructions
For each section carefully.
Now turn over
your test booklet and begin.
Tia, do you have
an extra pencil?
I'm so nervous.
I hope I don't get a zero.
You get 200 points
for just getting
your name right, tamera.
Tamera?
All right, time's up.
Now, that wasn't
so bad, was it?
- Don't say
- you heard it from me,
But you know
Arlene Davidson?
- The plumber's truck - has
been parked outside - Her house
At lunchtime
all week long.
Hmm!
Hey, somebody had
to unplug her drains.
Lisa, you sure are doing
some fancy stitch work.
Is that for you?
Well, I don't want
to jinx it,
- but tomorrow I'm gonna try
- and sell some of my dresses
- At that new
- boutique "marjé's".
- They ought
- to snatch it right up.
Shoot, I'd like to step
into this one myself.
Honey,
you'd have to be
catapulted into this one.
Hi. Bye.
Oh, no, no, no, no,
come on in.
Everybody,
say hello to ray.
Hi, ray.
Hi, everybody.
I hope you don't mind,
it's "hem and haw" club night.
Course tonight we doin'
more hawin' than hemmin'.
- Well, I guess
- I must be heaving.
I mean, leaving.
Oh, ray, you're welcome
to join us if you'd like.
- There's plenty
- of room right here.
You can help me
tat my doilies.
Uh, thank you,
but I'm all tatted out.
Bye.
Ooh, Lisa,
he's a real cutie pie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind having
a slice of him à la mode.
- It's been a while,
- hasn't it?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
- Let me get
- some fabric.
Aah! What, what...?
Roger!
- What... what're
- you doing here?
I thought this was
the twins' hamper...
I'm sorry.
Oh, Roger.
Okay, I'm hiding out.
See, I went crazy
and pushed this bully
at school.
Now he wants to kill me.
Poor baby.
- Well, Roger, these bullies,
- they thrive on fear.
- If you stand up to him,
- he'll back down.
He once beat up a buick.
- Roger, get back
- in that basket.
- Whatever possessed you
- to mess with this monster boy?
He said something bad
about my mother.
Your mama?
That is low.
Oh, yeah,
come here, baby.
Oh, come on.
Oh, puh-lease!
- Look, Roger,
- just use your wits.
You're smart, you're crafty,
you can outrun him.
Or maybe I'll just
hide out right here.
During the next few weeks,
Roger used his wits,
his cunning and his ingenuity
to avoid Doug mangler.
But we had
our own worries...
as we awaited the results
of the s.A.T.'S.
Okay, Tia,
this is it.
Ooh, I can't wait
to see what you got.
And the winner is...
I got ten-eighty.
Ten-eighty!
Ten-eighty!
Congratulatey!
Mom, what're you doing?
This my ten-eighty dance.
Mom, it's ten-eighty
out of a possible 1,600.
Uh... I better make it
a slow dance.
Oh, come on, honey,
ten-eighty is not that bad.
It, it's...
It's in the 68th
percentile.
- Oh, come on, hey, that means
- when you walk down the street,
- There's 68 people
- you can feel superior to.
Oh, yeah, and what
about the other 32?
They're probably butt-ugly.
Oh, I'm never
gonna get into Harvard.
Oh, honey, the only people
that do good on these tests
are snotty-nosed eggheads.
My baby's a genius!
Tamera, what did you get?
Fifteen-ten!
Can you believe it?
- Of course
- we believe it.
You're a smart girl.
What...?
- Tamera, that puts you
- in the 96th percentile group.
- That means when - you walk
down the street, - You're better than...
Ray, ray, we've already
crunched those numbers, okay?
Well, Tia,
if I got fifteen-ten,
- you must have gotten
- a perfect score.
Yeah, that's
just what she got.
Hey, who wants dinner?
Mom!
I got ten-eighty.
You did?!
Oh, well, um...
That's still good, Tia.
Hmm, we've already decided
that scores are not
the important thing.
The important thing
is how you feel inside.
I feel lousy, mom.
Me, too, baby.
Come on, guys.
Who cares about scores?
- Congratulations,
- tamera.
- Tamera, I'm happy
- for you.
Me, too.
I am so happy.
Even though it's not
that important.
No, it's not
that important.
But it's nice.
- Ooh, yeah,
- it's real nice.
But not important.
- No, it's definitely
- not important.
- You know, - for the first time
- In my life,
- I really did well
- on a test.
I feel dauntless.
That means...
I know what it means.
Honey, are you okay?
Yeah.
It happened, and somehow
I'm just gonna have
to accept this.
There's gotta be a mistake.
- Are you sure
- there's no mistake?
But you don't understand.
I'm the smart one.
- I'm the one who knows
- what conflagration means.
I'm sorry, Tia.
- I've got
- another appointment.
Appointment:
"Rendezvous,
tryst, assignation."
You're bruising my arm.
Bruising:
"Contusion, hematoma."
"Boo-boo"...?
Excuse me, I'd like
to speak to marjé.
I am she.
Well... I am me.
Lisa Landry,
designer of haute couture.
- Oh.
- What house are you with?
The, uh...
House of pancakes?
- Oh, look, let me show
- you one of my dresses.
I really
don't have the time.
Uh, well, uh, it's 10:30.
Now, see this dress?
This dress is perfect
to just dance the night away!
- And it's wrinkle-free,
- so you be stylin'
When you make
that walk of shame
to your car the morning after.
And with this dress,
there will be a morning after.
I'm sorry, Ms. Landry,
but the marjé woman
has a special...
Je ne sais quoi.
Well, this dress
has "quoi" up the yin Yang.
Oh, darling!
That dress!
Heads will turn!
Yeah, the other way.
Well, Ms. Landry,
I believe
our business here...
Is complete.
Well, I got
a lot of other stuff
I could show you.
- Come on out
- to my trunk.
Perhaps your fashions
would be more suited
for, say... Ikea.
Ikea doesn't sell clothes.
Precisely.
Ooh, that was cold.
Tia! I got an a
on my math test!
Being smart
is so scintillating!
That means...
I know what it means!
To quote the great
philosopher descartes:
"I think, therefore I am."
I should've started
thinking years ago.
Tamera, where
are you coming up
with all this stuff?
The library...
It's amazing.
It has all kinds of books.
And you know what?
- They give you
- this little card,
And you could take
the books home.
Get out of here!
- Hey, Lionel, I've been
- looking all over for you.
- My man, my friend,
- my homey.
Who are you?
Roger.
- Remember you used - to steal
my lunch money - In the fifth grade?
I can see it went
to good use.
- Anyway, Doug mangler
- wants to kill me.
You're toast, little man.
I know.
Listen, I was wondering
if you'd consider
being my bodyguard.
- I'm willing to pay.
- How much?
Uh, I can give you
my allowance for the next
four weeks.
- I get eight dollars a week,
- so that would be...
$12... how about it?
Okay.
You're one
sharp land mass.
- So, when can you start?
- Start what?
Being my bodyguard.
Hey, you just asked me
to consider it.
- I did,
- and the answer's no.
But my money.
Why don't you go cry
to your hairy-chested mama.
Nobody talks about
my mama's hairy chest.
Oh, man, I got
to get some Prozac.
- There you are!
- You're a dead man!
I-I want to live!
Oh, honey.
Cheetos won't solve
your problems.
Pringles will.
Thanks, mom.
Once I was so depressed,
I ate two tennis balls
- before I realized
- they weren't even pringles.
Honey, uh,
I noticed you got c's
- on your last couple
- of tests.
You know, what's
the point of studying?
Well, you used to get
all a's before those
stupid s.A.T.'S.
Mom, accept it.
I'm not as smart
as we thought.
Oh, Tia, come on, now,
you just can't let
just one little thing
make you feel bad
about yourself.
Like...
Like that marjé lady
at the boutique.
I didn't give her
a second thought.
- With her dandruff
- and her bad breath
And that gussied-up wart
she calls a beauty Mark.
But see, Tia,
the point is...
Our lives our crumblin'
around us, baby.
Oh, what a great day!
Oh, happy pappy's home.
Look here... I
got some college
brochures for tamera.
Here's one from Howard,
Wellesley, Harvard...
I mean, hah-vud.
Not that that's important.
Oh, it's okay, ray.
- We're all happy
- for what's-her-name.
Look, I'm sorry I've been
carrying on like this.
- It's just that tamera's
- getting so smart,
And, oh, I'm so proud
I could burst.
- Yeah, well, clean up
- after yourself.
Yello? Uh-huh.
Yes?
I understand.
Thanks for calling.
No, no, no!
Ray? Ray, what is it?
The school computer mixed up
Tia and tamera's s.A.T. Scores!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I knew you were brilliant!
Fifteen-ten, fifteen-ten!
Say it again!
Fifteen-ten!
Oh, not that
that's important.
I better go break
the news to tamera.
- Well, maybe we don't even
- have to tell her.
- I have to...
- I'm her father.
I have to be there for her.
- I'll give you 20 bucks
- to tell her.
I didn't think so.
Congratulations, Tia.
Thanks, ray.
Sorry about tamera.
Yeah. I'm really
sorry, too.
I'm not smiling...
This is a spasm.
You know.
Ooh, see, Tia?
You are smart.
Yeah, but I still
feel bad for tamera.
Yeah.
It's a sad, sad day.
But, baby, you hot!
And you're going
to hah-vud.
Fifteen-ten,
fifteen-ten!
Say it again!
Fifteen-ten!
- Tamera?
- Dad!
Did you know that one
of the great pyramids
in Egypt
- had to be totally destroyed
- and reconstructed
Because it was built
facing the wrong
astronomical constellations?
- Well, I hope
- they paid them overtime.
Oh, dad,
you're so insouciant.
Yeah, that's me.
Anyway, uh... I-I just got
a call from your school.
Do they want me
to tutor?
Uh, not exactly, honey.
- It seems there was a mistake
- with your s.A.T. Score.
I scored higher?
Well, not quite.
A-A little lower.
- Like 1,500?
- Lower.
- 1,499?
- Lower.
I don't like this game.
Honey, they mixed up
your score with Tia's.
Oh, man,
I knew this was
too good to be true.
Well... ten-eighty
is not that bad.
Dad...
I feel...
What's a big word
for yucky?
Oh, come on, tamera,
you can take the test again.
I thought I was smart.
Oh, and you were... are.
- It's like those people
- who built that pyramid.
I mean, they thought
they were doing a great job,
and they were.
- And then they found out
- they had made a few mistakes,
So they had to undo all
their work, stone by stone,
- and start over,
- and when they finished,
The work was good,
and they were happy.
I don't get the analogy.
There is no analogy.
- Look, the important thing is,
- you know what "analogy" means.
Two weeks ago you just
would've said, "huh?"
But now I have proof
that I'm stupid.
Sweetheart, don't ever say
you're stupid.
Could a stupid person
get an a on a math test?
I was just lucky.
No, no, those s.A.T.'S
made you...
- Made you feel
- more confident.
- You've always been smart, -
you just never thought - You were.
Dad, I feel so bad.
I know, honey, I know.
I feel so pretty.
Hi, handsome.
- I got you!
- You're mine!
I'm not that kind of girl.
Roger.
It's rogina!
- And this
- is sexual harassment!
- You're not getting away
- this time.
Outside, now!
- Move it, butthead!
- He's mine!
- Man, you gonna take that
- from him?
- Hey, get out
- of my face.
- Did you hear what he just
- said about your mama?
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- As long
- as it's not my mama!
- (Grunting,
- blows thudding)
Over the next few weeks,
- everything was getting
- back to normal.
Tia got smarter.
E equals mc squared.
Shut up, Tia.
And Roger was safe
to walk the streets again.
Hey, guys,
looking good.
As for me, round two.
I had decided to take
the s.A.T.'S again.
Turn over your
test booklets and begin.
I studied,
I had more confidence,
and I did a lot better.
But you know...
- Do you have
- an extra pencil?
Thanks.
Some things never change.
Good afternoon.
Oh, it's you.
I told you...
- Now, look here,
- I just came by here
To tell you
I don't need you.
- I know my work is good
- and that my designs
- Appeal to women of style,
- taste, and elegance,
Who you wouldn't recognize
if they spit on you.
And as far
as I'm concerned, marjé,
your stuff here
looks like it comes
from tar-jé, okay?
- Okay? And I'm going
- to take my dresses
- To other places...
- Fine places.
I would never ever
do business with you.
Darling, that dress
is fabulous!
Uh, make the check
out to "cash."
is full of a thousand
different fears
- that can strike
- at any moment.
And we're not even
counting the mystery meat
in the cafeteria.
You can be terrified
to ask for a date.
You can be terrified
of having a bad hair day.
Or you can just be
terrified of life.
- But the granddaddy
- of all high school terrors
Is the s.A.T.'S.
- And to deal
- with this impending doom...
Some of us took
the hi-tech highway.
Some of us took
the spiritual road.
Some of us took
the studious approach.
And then there was me.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed you ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
Okay, girls, one more
vocabulary word.
- Mom...
- Lisa...
Mmm...
Okay, "conflagration."
Oh, isn't that something
that comes out of your nose?
Conflagration means "fire."
That's right, Tia.
Oh... conflagration.
That means fire.
Well, you girls ready
for those s.A.T.'S?
- Yeah, I'm just doin'
- some last-minute drilling.
At this point, Lisa,
I don't think it does
much good to cram.
What you know is,
well, what you know.
Oh, man, I'm in trouble.
There's our bus.
- Good luck, girls.
- I know you're gonna do well.
Take it easy.
- You don't need
- any extra pressure.
- Just go in there
- and be dauntless.
- That means "positive
- and confident."
Yeah, daunt away.
- Yes, dad.
- Okay, mom.
And don't exacerbate
your worries by doing
anything incongruous.
Yeah, what ray said.
- Exacerbate means
- "to worsen."
- Incongruous
- is "not fitting."
Oh, honk, honk.
- That's onomatopoeia: - "Words
that sound like - What they are."
- Yeah, buzz, buzz,
- chirp, chirp, beep, beep.
Bye-bye!
If two buses meet at point a
at the same time, and one...
Let it go,
Mr. Cram man.
Yeah, I guess
it's all up to them now.
Yeah.
Oh, this is so exciting.
My baby's so smart,
she'll probably end up
at "hah-vud."
That's how they say
that there, ray, "hah-vud."
Well, it'd be great to go
to an Ivy league school.
Yeah, I hope Tia remembers
her geometric equations.
I just hope tamera
remembered her pencil.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, Doug.
Hey!
Watch your hands,
you little spider head.
No, no, I was just trying
to get into my locker.
- If I was going
- to touch anyone,
- It'd be
- your gorgeous girlfriend.
You dogging my woman, boy?
No, no, I'm a dog.
- I gotta go
- chase a car now.
Bye.
He must have
one ugly mother.
Nobody talks
about my mama.
- Oh, man,
- what did I just do?
I think I just had
a psychotic episode,
but I'm better now.
What's your problem, maggot?
Right now, breathing.
- Let's just see
- how smart you are
- When I rip out
- your spleen.
- You don't have to rip it out.
- I'll just give it to you.
How you doin'?
I'll see you after school.
- Don't try to hide,
- 'cause I know where you live.
Yeah, well,
you better run, you punk!
Okay, students,
we will now begin
the s.A.T.'S.
- Remember to read
- the instructions
For each section carefully.
Now turn over
your test booklet and begin.
Tia, do you have
an extra pencil?
I'm so nervous.
I hope I don't get a zero.
You get 200 points
for just getting
your name right, tamera.
Tamera?
All right, time's up.
Now, that wasn't
so bad, was it?
- Don't say
- you heard it from me,
But you know
Arlene Davidson?
- The plumber's truck - has
been parked outside - Her house
At lunchtime
all week long.
Hmm!
Hey, somebody had
to unplug her drains.
Lisa, you sure are doing
some fancy stitch work.
Is that for you?
Well, I don't want
to jinx it,
- but tomorrow I'm gonna try
- and sell some of my dresses
- At that new
- boutique "marjé's".
- They ought
- to snatch it right up.
Shoot, I'd like to step
into this one myself.
Honey,
you'd have to be
catapulted into this one.
Hi. Bye.
Oh, no, no, no, no,
come on in.
Everybody,
say hello to ray.
Hi, ray.
Hi, everybody.
I hope you don't mind,
it's "hem and haw" club night.
Course tonight we doin'
more hawin' than hemmin'.
- Well, I guess
- I must be heaving.
I mean, leaving.
Oh, ray, you're welcome
to join us if you'd like.
- There's plenty
- of room right here.
You can help me
tat my doilies.
Uh, thank you,
but I'm all tatted out.
Bye.
Ooh, Lisa,
he's a real cutie pie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind having
a slice of him à la mode.
- It's been a while,
- hasn't it?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
- Let me get
- some fabric.
Aah! What, what...?
Roger!
- What... what're
- you doing here?
I thought this was
the twins' hamper...
I'm sorry.
Oh, Roger.
Okay, I'm hiding out.
See, I went crazy
and pushed this bully
at school.
Now he wants to kill me.
Poor baby.
- Well, Roger, these bullies,
- they thrive on fear.
- If you stand up to him,
- he'll back down.
He once beat up a buick.
- Roger, get back
- in that basket.
- Whatever possessed you
- to mess with this monster boy?
He said something bad
about my mother.
Your mama?
That is low.
Oh, yeah,
come here, baby.
Oh, come on.
Oh, puh-lease!
- Look, Roger,
- just use your wits.
You're smart, you're crafty,
you can outrun him.
Or maybe I'll just
hide out right here.
During the next few weeks,
Roger used his wits,
his cunning and his ingenuity
to avoid Doug mangler.
But we had
our own worries...
as we awaited the results
of the s.A.T.'S.
Okay, Tia,
this is it.
Ooh, I can't wait
to see what you got.
And the winner is...
I got ten-eighty.
Ten-eighty!
Ten-eighty!
Congratulatey!
Mom, what're you doing?
This my ten-eighty dance.
Mom, it's ten-eighty
out of a possible 1,600.
Uh... I better make it
a slow dance.
Oh, come on, honey,
ten-eighty is not that bad.
It, it's...
It's in the 68th
percentile.
- Oh, come on, hey, that means
- when you walk down the street,
- There's 68 people
- you can feel superior to.
Oh, yeah, and what
about the other 32?
They're probably butt-ugly.
Oh, I'm never
gonna get into Harvard.
Oh, honey, the only people
that do good on these tests
are snotty-nosed eggheads.
My baby's a genius!
Tamera, what did you get?
Fifteen-ten!
Can you believe it?
- Of course
- we believe it.
You're a smart girl.
What...?
- Tamera, that puts you
- in the 96th percentile group.
- That means when - you walk
down the street, - You're better than...
Ray, ray, we've already
crunched those numbers, okay?
Well, Tia,
if I got fifteen-ten,
- you must have gotten
- a perfect score.
Yeah, that's
just what she got.
Hey, who wants dinner?
Mom!
I got ten-eighty.
You did?!
Oh, well, um...
That's still good, Tia.
Hmm, we've already decided
that scores are not
the important thing.
The important thing
is how you feel inside.
I feel lousy, mom.
Me, too, baby.
Come on, guys.
Who cares about scores?
- Congratulations,
- tamera.
- Tamera, I'm happy
- for you.
Me, too.
I am so happy.
Even though it's not
that important.
No, it's not
that important.
But it's nice.
- Ooh, yeah,
- it's real nice.
But not important.
- No, it's definitely
- not important.
- You know, - for the first time
- In my life,
- I really did well
- on a test.
I feel dauntless.
That means...
I know what it means.
Honey, are you okay?
Yeah.
It happened, and somehow
I'm just gonna have
to accept this.
There's gotta be a mistake.
- Are you sure
- there's no mistake?
But you don't understand.
I'm the smart one.
- I'm the one who knows
- what conflagration means.
I'm sorry, Tia.
- I've got
- another appointment.
Appointment:
"Rendezvous,
tryst, assignation."
You're bruising my arm.
Bruising:
"Contusion, hematoma."
"Boo-boo"...?
Excuse me, I'd like
to speak to marjé.
I am she.
Well... I am me.
Lisa Landry,
designer of haute couture.
- Oh.
- What house are you with?
The, uh...
House of pancakes?
- Oh, look, let me show
- you one of my dresses.
I really
don't have the time.
Uh, well, uh, it's 10:30.
Now, see this dress?
This dress is perfect
to just dance the night away!
- And it's wrinkle-free,
- so you be stylin'
When you make
that walk of shame
to your car the morning after.
And with this dress,
there will be a morning after.
I'm sorry, Ms. Landry,
but the marjé woman
has a special...
Je ne sais quoi.
Well, this dress
has "quoi" up the yin Yang.
Oh, darling!
That dress!
Heads will turn!
Yeah, the other way.
Well, Ms. Landry,
I believe
our business here...
Is complete.
Well, I got
a lot of other stuff
I could show you.
- Come on out
- to my trunk.
Perhaps your fashions
would be more suited
for, say... Ikea.
Ikea doesn't sell clothes.
Precisely.
Ooh, that was cold.
Tia! I got an a
on my math test!
Being smart
is so scintillating!
That means...
I know what it means!
To quote the great
philosopher descartes:
"I think, therefore I am."
I should've started
thinking years ago.
Tamera, where
are you coming up
with all this stuff?
The library...
It's amazing.
It has all kinds of books.
And you know what?
- They give you
- this little card,
And you could take
the books home.
Get out of here!
- Hey, Lionel, I've been
- looking all over for you.
- My man, my friend,
- my homey.
Who are you?
Roger.
- Remember you used - to steal
my lunch money - In the fifth grade?
I can see it went
to good use.
- Anyway, Doug mangler
- wants to kill me.
You're toast, little man.
I know.
Listen, I was wondering
if you'd consider
being my bodyguard.
- I'm willing to pay.
- How much?
Uh, I can give you
my allowance for the next
four weeks.
- I get eight dollars a week,
- so that would be...
$12... how about it?
Okay.
You're one
sharp land mass.
- So, when can you start?
- Start what?
Being my bodyguard.
Hey, you just asked me
to consider it.
- I did,
- and the answer's no.
But my money.
Why don't you go cry
to your hairy-chested mama.
Nobody talks about
my mama's hairy chest.
Oh, man, I got
to get some Prozac.
- There you are!
- You're a dead man!
I-I want to live!
Oh, honey.
Cheetos won't solve
your problems.
Pringles will.
Thanks, mom.
Once I was so depressed,
I ate two tennis balls
- before I realized
- they weren't even pringles.
Honey, uh,
I noticed you got c's
- on your last couple
- of tests.
You know, what's
the point of studying?
Well, you used to get
all a's before those
stupid s.A.T.'S.
Mom, accept it.
I'm not as smart
as we thought.
Oh, Tia, come on, now,
you just can't let
just one little thing
make you feel bad
about yourself.
Like...
Like that marjé lady
at the boutique.
I didn't give her
a second thought.
- With her dandruff
- and her bad breath
And that gussied-up wart
she calls a beauty Mark.
But see, Tia,
the point is...
Our lives our crumblin'
around us, baby.
Oh, what a great day!
Oh, happy pappy's home.
Look here... I
got some college
brochures for tamera.
Here's one from Howard,
Wellesley, Harvard...
I mean, hah-vud.
Not that that's important.
Oh, it's okay, ray.
- We're all happy
- for what's-her-name.
Look, I'm sorry I've been
carrying on like this.
- It's just that tamera's
- getting so smart,
And, oh, I'm so proud
I could burst.
- Yeah, well, clean up
- after yourself.
Yello? Uh-huh.
Yes?
I understand.
Thanks for calling.
No, no, no!
Ray? Ray, what is it?
The school computer mixed up
Tia and tamera's s.A.T. Scores!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I knew you were brilliant!
Fifteen-ten, fifteen-ten!
Say it again!
Fifteen-ten!
Oh, not that
that's important.
I better go break
the news to tamera.
- Well, maybe we don't even
- have to tell her.
- I have to...
- I'm her father.
I have to be there for her.
- I'll give you 20 bucks
- to tell her.
I didn't think so.
Congratulations, Tia.
Thanks, ray.
Sorry about tamera.
Yeah. I'm really
sorry, too.
I'm not smiling...
This is a spasm.
You know.
Ooh, see, Tia?
You are smart.
Yeah, but I still
feel bad for tamera.
Yeah.
It's a sad, sad day.
But, baby, you hot!
And you're going
to hah-vud.
Fifteen-ten,
fifteen-ten!
Say it again!
Fifteen-ten!
- Tamera?
- Dad!
Did you know that one
of the great pyramids
in Egypt
- had to be totally destroyed
- and reconstructed
Because it was built
facing the wrong
astronomical constellations?
- Well, I hope
- they paid them overtime.
Oh, dad,
you're so insouciant.
Yeah, that's me.
Anyway, uh... I-I just got
a call from your school.
Do they want me
to tutor?
Uh, not exactly, honey.
- It seems there was a mistake
- with your s.A.T. Score.
I scored higher?
Well, not quite.
A-A little lower.
- Like 1,500?
- Lower.
- 1,499?
- Lower.
I don't like this game.
Honey, they mixed up
your score with Tia's.
Oh, man,
I knew this was
too good to be true.
Well... ten-eighty
is not that bad.
Dad...
I feel...
What's a big word
for yucky?
Oh, come on, tamera,
you can take the test again.
I thought I was smart.
Oh, and you were... are.
- It's like those people
- who built that pyramid.
I mean, they thought
they were doing a great job,
and they were.
- And then they found out
- they had made a few mistakes,
So they had to undo all
their work, stone by stone,
- and start over,
- and when they finished,
The work was good,
and they were happy.
I don't get the analogy.
There is no analogy.
- Look, the important thing is,
- you know what "analogy" means.
Two weeks ago you just
would've said, "huh?"
But now I have proof
that I'm stupid.
Sweetheart, don't ever say
you're stupid.
Could a stupid person
get an a on a math test?
I was just lucky.
No, no, those s.A.T.'S
made you...
- Made you feel
- more confident.
- You've always been smart, -
you just never thought - You were.
Dad, I feel so bad.
I know, honey, I know.
I feel so pretty.
Hi, handsome.
- I got you!
- You're mine!
I'm not that kind of girl.
Roger.
It's rogina!
- And this
- is sexual harassment!
- You're not getting away
- this time.
Outside, now!
- Move it, butthead!
- He's mine!
- Man, you gonna take that
- from him?
- Hey, get out
- of my face.
- Did you hear what he just
- said about your mama?
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- Your mama!
- As long
- as it's not my mama!
- (Grunting,
- blows thudding)
Over the next few weeks,
- everything was getting
- back to normal.
Tia got smarter.
E equals mc squared.
Shut up, Tia.
And Roger was safe
to walk the streets again.
Hey, guys,
looking good.
As for me, round two.
I had decided to take
the s.A.T.'S again.
Turn over your
test booklets and begin.
I studied,
I had more confidence,
and I did a lot better.
But you know...
- Do you have
- an extra pencil?
Thanks.
Some things never change.
Good afternoon.
Oh, it's you.
I told you...
- Now, look here,
- I just came by here
To tell you
I don't need you.
- I know my work is good
- and that my designs
- Appeal to women of style,
- taste, and elegance,
Who you wouldn't recognize
if they spit on you.
And as far
as I'm concerned, marjé,
your stuff here
looks like it comes
from tar-jé, okay?
- Okay? And I'm going
- to take my dresses
- To other places...
- Fine places.
I would never ever
do business with you.
Darling, that dress
is fabulous!
Uh, make the check
out to "cash."