Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 2, Episode 11 - Field Trip - full transcript
On a school field trip, a cool teacher loses his temper with the twins and gives them detention; Roger's crush leads him to thievery- and soon infamy. When the museum's love statue ends up with Roger, women suddenly find him irresistible. Meanwhile, Lisa and Terrance begin fighting once she catches him flirting with the clerk, Latina, at the mall and he catches her flirting with the mail man.
- Today's the kind of day
- that every student dreams about.
Yeah, no classes.
- And we're not talking
- about a quick fix,
Like a fire drill,
or an assembly.
- Or when
- somebody barfs,
- And they throw that
- sawdust over it.
We're talking
about an all-day field trip.
But of course, we're
taking it seriously.
Oh, yeah.
We're looking at it as an
educational experience.
People!
People...
This is supposed
to be an educational experience.
We're not moving
till I find out who threw that.
- I did!
- -That's it!
You're all expelled.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay, let's quiet down, please.
Did somebody lose 20 bucks?
I thought
that would get your attention.
Ed is so cool.
- It's like
- he's not even a teacher.
Yeah. I love that he lets us
call him by his first name, ed.
Hi.
Can I sit here and
reflect in your beauty?
No, thanks.
I'm eating.
Dang! She blew me off for
an egg salad sandwich.
All right, we're
on to the museum.
Now, Tia, tamera,
- well, how about if you
- make sure everybody's here?
Sure. Everybody here?
Here!
Everybody's here.
- You girls should go
- into teaching.
Thanks, ed.
♪ Talk about a
two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
- ♪ never knew
- how much I missed you ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
Lisa, can we go home now?
I hate shopping.
Oh, come on, Terrence.
- Now today we're doing
- what I want,
- And tonight,
- we'll do what you want.
Oh.
What time is sunset?
- Oh, come on, honey.
- Sit right down here now.
- Make yourself
- comfortable.
- Save up your
- strength.
- Okay, baby.
- And hold my purse.
Oh, no, no, not the purse!
Uh, this is not mine.
Uh... uh, it...
This is not mine.
It-it's not mine.
Hi. Can I ask you something?
This is not mine.
No, I was going to ask you
what your signature scent is.
Gee, uh, I don't know. Um...
Beer and potato chips?
You're so funny.
Well, I work out.
I-I mean, I-I work at it.
Mmm! This smell is you.
Well, that's exactly
who I want to smell like.
Mmm!
Well, look
who's shopping.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Uh, Lisa, honey.
I-I... uh...
Uh, you were pretty quick.
Yeah, so were you.
Hi. I'm latina.
Oh, nice meeting
you, latrina.
- Well, you'll let me know
- if you're interested.
Oh.
I don't think I am.
Oh, I'm definitely not. No.
Uh...
Lisa, honey,
your purse.
Thank you.
Lisa! Honey!
Up! Up! Up!
Uh, don't lollygaggle.
Now this was done
by a famous artist
who went insane
from eating his own paint.
- Now, does anybody know
- his nickname?
Stupid?
It was El greco,
but that was a good guess.
I love to be
ed-ucated.
And next,
we have ingres's
le grande odalisque.
How come she's naked?
I don't know, but I'm thinking
about going to art school.
Come on, guys.
Cool it!
Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, there's no eating
- or drinking in here.
Now pick that up
and get moving.
Peekaboo, I see you.
"Peekaboo, I see you"?!
What am I, three?
Lisa, honey, I-I swear
I wasn't staring at her.
- Terrence, you were
- drooling so much,
- We could have
- water-skied home.
Hi, guys.
Lisa...
- And I hate
- that Cologne on you.
You're stanky!
Bye, guys.
Oh, come on, honey.
She was just trying to
sell me some new Cologne.
Hey.
- Was this that salesgirl
- down at kressler,
- The one with
- the great...?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ooh, mama!
Ray, you're not
helping me here.
Come on, Lisa.
It-it was totally innocent.
- Don't insult me,
- Terrence.
- I'd have more respect
- for you
- If you'd just be honest
- and admit it.
Don't do it.
Make a sharp left.
That bridge is out.
Okay, okay, may, uh...
Maybe I was looking at her.
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it!
Man overboard.
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, uh, I...
Oh, she...
- Okay, what
- happened was...
- She was
- flirting with me.
And I was just being polite,
so I was flirting back.
So, technically, i-i
was just, uh, flarting.
I got to write that one down.
Come on, Lisa.
- I-I swear, there was
- no human emotion there.
I-I was looking at her
the same way I would look
at a-a painting or
a-a sunset or a...
- Was she wearing that
- cute little black skirt?
Yeah.
Ooh, hurt me!
Ray, you're killing me here.
So, Terrence,
you like sunsets, huh?
Yeah.
- Well, you can just
- feast your eyes
- On this moon
- going over the mountain.
Lisa!
Oh... man!
I'm in trouble!
Oh, hey, man, it's...
It's not your fault.
Women don't understand
how a man functions.
- You know,
- you're-you're right, ray.
What-what...
What don't they understand?
It's in our DNA.
- We're programmed to
- seek out attractive,
Young, leggy females.
It's our biological
need to procreate
so that the species
will survive.
Ooh, that was good, ray.
That was good.
All you did was
look, right?
Yeah.
Well, then you should get a
medal for your restraint. Ha!
You got it, buddy!
To look is just a
man's basic instinct.
Ooh, basic instinct.
I loved that movie.
The interrogation scene?
I got it on tape.
But we digress.
Yes.
The point is, Lisa doesn't
know how good she's got it.
You know, ray,
you are absolutely right.
I'm gonna go in there
right now and tell her.
Lisa!
Woman!
What?!
Nothing, honey.
She's beautiful.
Uh, but she can't
hold a candle to you.
In fact, she can't
hold anything.
Oh, man, it took me an hour
to think of that line.
I need help.
"Aklia, goddess of desire..."
"According to ancient
Egyptian superstition,
whoever possesses this statue
possesses the power of love"?!
Whoa!
- Okay, it's
- time to go.
Line up, single
file, and quiet!
Now, Roger!
Let's go!
Okay, okay.
Come on, Roger,
let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
Let's go. Ms. Little?
I could use some help over here.
Wish I had a
little gin in this.
- Hey, Tia, I found
- a soda machine.
- Great. I'm dying
- of thirst.
- Come on, let's
- stay together.
- Hey, ed, how about I take along
- some soup for the bus?
- Oh, don't - touch that!
- Whoa!
Oh, my gosh!
What you have done,
you stupid clowns?!
We're sorry.
We'll clean it up.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- You're both getting detention.
I told you, no food in here.
Now get on the bus!
But, ed...
Get on the bus now!
I can't believe that.
He's so mean.
Come on, tamera.
We've got to keep it
together, and we can't cry.
Make a funny face, Tia.
I'm about to blow.
That's not funny.
I know.
Quiet down, you little maggots!
Well, might as well drown
my sorrows in apple juice.
Aklia?!
- Ms. Little, Ms. Little,
- I've got...
- Were you saving
- this seat?
No, my seats
are always open.
- You know, i'm
- kind of tired.
Do you mind if I rest
my head on your shoulder?
Me?
- Have you lost
- your contacts?
Do you mind?
My shoulder is your pillow.
Roger, what did you want
to tell me?
Absolutely nothing.
Did somebody die?
No.
- Terrence and I
- reached an agreement.
Uh, yeah.
- I-I groveled
- and she agreed.
- Tell him
- what you said, Terrence.
- Well, yeah, I-I don't
- remember everything.
I do, I do.
- Terrence said, "there is
- no excuse for a man
- "to go chasing after
- everything in a skirt.
It's not like it's in
your DNA or anything."
That's interesting.
Oh, isn't he cute, ray?
Oh.
- Yeah, he's
- adorable.
Ooh, I just love him so much,
I could just eat his face.
Mm-hmm.
The whole world's
your smorgasbord, isn't it?
- Oh, Terrence,
- I couldn't possibly
Accept another bouquet
of flowers.
A car would be nice, though.
Hi, good afternoon.
Oh, well, hello.
Mrs. Henderson?
Henderson?
- Oh, no, no, no,
- they're two doors down.
- I'm sure she's home by now,
- 'cause it's cocktail hour.
- Well, I'm sorry
- to bother you.
- Oh, no, it's
- no bother at all.
No bother at all.
Bye-bye.
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Hey!
What?
What was that?
"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo."
- Oh, Terrence, i-i
- wasn't whoo-hooing.
- I was, I was
- wheezing.
- You know, all these flowers
- and all the pollen
- And everything, you know.
- No, no, no.
No, you were staring
at that guy's butt!
Terrence, come on, I got
- better things to do
- than to stare
At some strange guy's butt.
- Besides, his little pumpkin butt
- can't compare to yours, baby.
Pumpkin!
- So you were staring
- at his butt!
- Oh, oh, so you can
- slobber over some heifer,
But I can't glance
at some pants.
- All right,
- all right.
- All right, well,
- glance at these pants,
- Because they're
- out of here!
Well, I see you two lovebirds
- are pecking
- each other's eyes out again.
Oh, ray, life is cruel.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh.
Ouch!
Life is good.
And I want each of you to know
that you're all
very special to me.
- Uh, number three,
- switch places with number five.
Tia, how did we end up
in detention?
Last week, honor roll,
this week, death row.
Uh, Tia, your future husband
wants a word with you.
Hey, after school,
you want to go for a ride?
I can steal a car.
No, it's okay.
We've got to Rob a bank.
There's Mr. Berry.
Don't look at him.
Don't look at him either.
Girls, can we talk
for a minute?
Um, we're kind of busy.
- Look, I really feel bad about
- what happened at the museum.
I thought we were friends.
The last thing you need
is a 30-year-old buddy.
You're 30?
Good hair piece.
Sit down.
- The thing you have
- to understand is,
I'm your teacher.
Forget it; It's no big deal.
I-I shouldn't have yelled.
Uh, it was a crazy day, and...
- This may sound
- kind of stupid,
But we thought
you were different.
Yeah, y-you were the first
teacher we ever really liked.
Get in there,
you little maggot!
Of course,
she was a close second.
I'm sorry I blew up.
I guess I'm human.
I'm sorry we messed up
at the museum.
- I guess we
- weren't thinking.
The thing is, I'm really glad
you girls are in my class.
So are we, ed.
So are we, ed.
You changed my life, ed.
Hi, Lisa.
How's it going?
Lousy, miserable, rotten.
Hmm, you seen
the TV guide?
I'm having a rough time.
Thank you for your support.
- All right,
- all right.
- I'm sorry,
- I'm sorry.
- Why don't I go make
- a couple sandwiches,
- And we can sit and talk
- about how all men are scum?
Oh, ray, it's like you're
the big sister I never had.
- Ooh, I hope this is Terrence
- coming to make up with me!
We'll be lovebirds again!
What you want?
Oh, Lisa, uh...
I-I'm sorry I got so upset.
I-I brought you
a little gift.
Oh, Terrence,
you should have.
- "Chippendale's
- erotic male dancers"?!
I just want you to know
that I-I trust you,
and I-I don't
mind looking...
Oh, June is
busting out all over.
Ooh.
- Maybe I should
- hold on to this.
- Oh, Terrence, honey,
- what are we gonna do now?
Both of us like
to window shop.
I don't know, baby.
- M-Maybe we just need to lay down
- some ground rules, you know?
Yeah.
Okay, okay, how about this?
- You can look, but when you look,
- you got to look at me first,
- So that you know and I know that
- the look is an authorized look
- And won't cause you
- any physical harm.
- 'Cause when you're
- looking at her,
- You're really
- thinking of me.
How about I take
you out to dinner
- and only
- look at you?
Oh.
And I'll only look at you.
- But I might sneak a peek
- at that dessert cart.
Lisa, here's your sandwich...
Lisa, food!
Oh, no, she's been kidnapped.
Little appetizer.
- You finish
- your homework?
- Yeah, we did
- it in deten...
Deten?
In de ten minutes
it takes to get to school.
Our top story tonight,
officials at the city art museum
are investigating the theft
of a priceless artifact...
Aklia, the goddess of desire.
We believe this to be the work
- of an international
- terrorist group.
- The act of leaving
- a beverage behind
Is an obvious
political statement.
Another exclusive.
- This theft is
- apparently the work
Of a criminal
mastermind.
Hide me!
I'm on the lam!
- Roger, what's
- going on?
Wait a minute.
You stole the statue?
You're a mastermind?
Surprised me, too.
Roger, how could you
do such a stupid thing?!
It was an accident.
- And I was gonna give it
- back, but I've been too busy
- Fighting off packs of women
- because of this dang statue.
Oh, come on, Roger,
that's a myth.
Roger is so cute.
He's so adorable.
Uh, get that away
from them.
You got to help me,
Mr. Campbell.
I can't go to jail.
- I can't even stand
- to shower in gym class.
- Well, why'd you
- come to me?
'Cause you're my best friend.
I am?
It's rough out there,
Mr. Campbell.
- Come on, ray,
- we have to help him.
- Yeah, 'cause
- if we don't,
- He'll be hiding out here
- all the time.
- Uh, come on, let's
- get to the car.
- Oh, I just had the best time
- with Terrence.
I'm so in love
with him, I...
Ooh, Roger, you are
looking so fine.
Ooh!
- Come on,
- I'll explain in the car.
Oh.
You know, I'm kind of glad
to get rid of this.
- I've tampered with
- ancient erotic forces,
And I'm afraid,
not to mention exhausted.
I got to make one quick stop.
Where are
the police?
Hello? Hello?
- Ray.
- Hmm?
- I'm new at this
- crime business,
But I think the cops
are supposed to find you.
We have to find
somebody in charge.
Dad, can't we just
sneak the statue back?
Yeah, I do love
a good caper.
- Come on, there's
- no one here.
Okay.
- Roger, have you
- learned your lesson?
- Yes, I have,
- Mr. Campbell, sir.
- Well, the important
- thing here...
Can we save the lecture
for the getaway?
- Okay, ray, the
- coast is clear.
Put it back!
Whoa!
Run!
Roger, are you okay?
I had the whole world in
my hands, and I lost it.
Will you forget about
that stupid statue?
- I can't.
- For the first time in my life,
I had women all over me...
And I was awake.
Don't you get it?
- It had nothing
- to do with aklia.
Then what was going on?
Well, one girl
happened to like you,
- and that made
- other girls like you.
Dang, women are shallow.
- And because you
- were confident,
- You didn't have to try so hard
- with those stupid pick-up lines.
Stupid?
- I thought "take off your blouse,
- it may be flammable"
Was a timeless classic.
Just be yourself.
- I mean, you're smart, you're
- cool, you're handsome.
I'm lying.
Come on, Roger.
Just try it.
Okay, no pick-up lines.
- I'm gonna be the best me
- that I can be.
Tyra, listen,
I like you,
- and I was wondering if
- you would go out with me.
That's very sweet, Roger,
but I have a new boyfriend.
- Did I mention that
- I'm a multi-millionaire,
- And I just got
- my pilot's license?
Sorry, Roger.
My heart is so broken
that my braids hurt.
Come on, Roger.
I mean, don't give up.
- There are plenty of girls
- who'd want to go out with you.
- How about you? - Maybe you
- Should give up.
Thanks.
- Come on, Roger,
- we're just kidding.
- Then you will
- go out with me?
- Okay.
- Sure.
- You girls are doing this
- out of pity, aren't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Then I should've
thought of this years ago.
Girls?
I can't believe all the fuss
over this stupid little statue.
Yeah, I guess we all
got kind of crazy.
- I mean, how could this little
- thing have magical powers?
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
- Like that old piece of stone
- could make anybody fall in love.
- People are
- so gullible.
- They'll believe
- anything.
Yeah.
- that every student dreams about.
Yeah, no classes.
- And we're not talking
- about a quick fix,
Like a fire drill,
or an assembly.
- Or when
- somebody barfs,
- And they throw that
- sawdust over it.
We're talking
about an all-day field trip.
But of course, we're
taking it seriously.
Oh, yeah.
We're looking at it as an
educational experience.
People!
People...
This is supposed
to be an educational experience.
We're not moving
till I find out who threw that.
- I did!
- -That's it!
You're all expelled.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay, let's quiet down, please.
Did somebody lose 20 bucks?
I thought
that would get your attention.
Ed is so cool.
- It's like
- he's not even a teacher.
Yeah. I love that he lets us
call him by his first name, ed.
Hi.
Can I sit here and
reflect in your beauty?
No, thanks.
I'm eating.
Dang! She blew me off for
an egg salad sandwich.
All right, we're
on to the museum.
Now, Tia, tamera,
- well, how about if you
- make sure everybody's here?
Sure. Everybody here?
Here!
Everybody's here.
- You girls should go
- into teaching.
Thanks, ed.
♪ Talk about a
two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
- ♪ never knew
- how much I missed you ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
Lisa, can we go home now?
I hate shopping.
Oh, come on, Terrence.
- Now today we're doing
- what I want,
- And tonight,
- we'll do what you want.
Oh.
What time is sunset?
- Oh, come on, honey.
- Sit right down here now.
- Make yourself
- comfortable.
- Save up your
- strength.
- Okay, baby.
- And hold my purse.
Oh, no, no, not the purse!
Uh, this is not mine.
Uh... uh, it...
This is not mine.
It-it's not mine.
Hi. Can I ask you something?
This is not mine.
No, I was going to ask you
what your signature scent is.
Gee, uh, I don't know. Um...
Beer and potato chips?
You're so funny.
Well, I work out.
I-I mean, I-I work at it.
Mmm! This smell is you.
Well, that's exactly
who I want to smell like.
Mmm!
Well, look
who's shopping.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Uh, Lisa, honey.
I-I... uh...
Uh, you were pretty quick.
Yeah, so were you.
Hi. I'm latina.
Oh, nice meeting
you, latrina.
- Well, you'll let me know
- if you're interested.
Oh.
I don't think I am.
Oh, I'm definitely not. No.
Uh...
Lisa, honey,
your purse.
Thank you.
Lisa! Honey!
Up! Up! Up!
Uh, don't lollygaggle.
Now this was done
by a famous artist
who went insane
from eating his own paint.
- Now, does anybody know
- his nickname?
Stupid?
It was El greco,
but that was a good guess.
I love to be
ed-ucated.
And next,
we have ingres's
le grande odalisque.
How come she's naked?
I don't know, but I'm thinking
about going to art school.
Come on, guys.
Cool it!
Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, there's no eating
- or drinking in here.
Now pick that up
and get moving.
Peekaboo, I see you.
"Peekaboo, I see you"?!
What am I, three?
Lisa, honey, I-I swear
I wasn't staring at her.
- Terrence, you were
- drooling so much,
- We could have
- water-skied home.
Hi, guys.
Lisa...
- And I hate
- that Cologne on you.
You're stanky!
Bye, guys.
Oh, come on, honey.
She was just trying to
sell me some new Cologne.
Hey.
- Was this that salesgirl
- down at kressler,
- The one with
- the great...?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ooh, mama!
Ray, you're not
helping me here.
Come on, Lisa.
It-it was totally innocent.
- Don't insult me,
- Terrence.
- I'd have more respect
- for you
- If you'd just be honest
- and admit it.
Don't do it.
Make a sharp left.
That bridge is out.
Okay, okay, may, uh...
Maybe I was looking at her.
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it!
Man overboard.
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, uh, I...
Oh, she...
- Okay, what
- happened was...
- She was
- flirting with me.
And I was just being polite,
so I was flirting back.
So, technically, i-i
was just, uh, flarting.
I got to write that one down.
Come on, Lisa.
- I-I swear, there was
- no human emotion there.
I-I was looking at her
the same way I would look
at a-a painting or
a-a sunset or a...
- Was she wearing that
- cute little black skirt?
Yeah.
Ooh, hurt me!
Ray, you're killing me here.
So, Terrence,
you like sunsets, huh?
Yeah.
- Well, you can just
- feast your eyes
- On this moon
- going over the mountain.
Lisa!
Oh... man!
I'm in trouble!
Oh, hey, man, it's...
It's not your fault.
Women don't understand
how a man functions.
- You know,
- you're-you're right, ray.
What-what...
What don't they understand?
It's in our DNA.
- We're programmed to
- seek out attractive,
Young, leggy females.
It's our biological
need to procreate
so that the species
will survive.
Ooh, that was good, ray.
That was good.
All you did was
look, right?
Yeah.
Well, then you should get a
medal for your restraint. Ha!
You got it, buddy!
To look is just a
man's basic instinct.
Ooh, basic instinct.
I loved that movie.
The interrogation scene?
I got it on tape.
But we digress.
Yes.
The point is, Lisa doesn't
know how good she's got it.
You know, ray,
you are absolutely right.
I'm gonna go in there
right now and tell her.
Lisa!
Woman!
What?!
Nothing, honey.
She's beautiful.
Uh, but she can't
hold a candle to you.
In fact, she can't
hold anything.
Oh, man, it took me an hour
to think of that line.
I need help.
"Aklia, goddess of desire..."
"According to ancient
Egyptian superstition,
whoever possesses this statue
possesses the power of love"?!
Whoa!
- Okay, it's
- time to go.
Line up, single
file, and quiet!
Now, Roger!
Let's go!
Okay, okay.
Come on, Roger,
let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
Let's go. Ms. Little?
I could use some help over here.
Wish I had a
little gin in this.
- Hey, Tia, I found
- a soda machine.
- Great. I'm dying
- of thirst.
- Come on, let's
- stay together.
- Hey, ed, how about I take along
- some soup for the bus?
- Oh, don't - touch that!
- Whoa!
Oh, my gosh!
What you have done,
you stupid clowns?!
We're sorry.
We'll clean it up.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- You're both getting detention.
I told you, no food in here.
Now get on the bus!
But, ed...
Get on the bus now!
I can't believe that.
He's so mean.
Come on, tamera.
We've got to keep it
together, and we can't cry.
Make a funny face, Tia.
I'm about to blow.
That's not funny.
I know.
Quiet down, you little maggots!
Well, might as well drown
my sorrows in apple juice.
Aklia?!
- Ms. Little, Ms. Little,
- I've got...
- Were you saving
- this seat?
No, my seats
are always open.
- You know, i'm
- kind of tired.
Do you mind if I rest
my head on your shoulder?
Me?
- Have you lost
- your contacts?
Do you mind?
My shoulder is your pillow.
Roger, what did you want
to tell me?
Absolutely nothing.
Did somebody die?
No.
- Terrence and I
- reached an agreement.
Uh, yeah.
- I-I groveled
- and she agreed.
- Tell him
- what you said, Terrence.
- Well, yeah, I-I don't
- remember everything.
I do, I do.
- Terrence said, "there is
- no excuse for a man
- "to go chasing after
- everything in a skirt.
It's not like it's in
your DNA or anything."
That's interesting.
Oh, isn't he cute, ray?
Oh.
- Yeah, he's
- adorable.
Ooh, I just love him so much,
I could just eat his face.
Mm-hmm.
The whole world's
your smorgasbord, isn't it?
- Oh, Terrence,
- I couldn't possibly
Accept another bouquet
of flowers.
A car would be nice, though.
Hi, good afternoon.
Oh, well, hello.
Mrs. Henderson?
Henderson?
- Oh, no, no, no,
- they're two doors down.
- I'm sure she's home by now,
- 'cause it's cocktail hour.
- Well, I'm sorry
- to bother you.
- Oh, no, it's
- no bother at all.
No bother at all.
Bye-bye.
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Hey!
What?
What was that?
"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo."
- Oh, Terrence, i-i
- wasn't whoo-hooing.
- I was, I was
- wheezing.
- You know, all these flowers
- and all the pollen
- And everything, you know.
- No, no, no.
No, you were staring
at that guy's butt!
Terrence, come on, I got
- better things to do
- than to stare
At some strange guy's butt.
- Besides, his little pumpkin butt
- can't compare to yours, baby.
Pumpkin!
- So you were staring
- at his butt!
- Oh, oh, so you can
- slobber over some heifer,
But I can't glance
at some pants.
- All right,
- all right.
- All right, well,
- glance at these pants,
- Because they're
- out of here!
Well, I see you two lovebirds
- are pecking
- each other's eyes out again.
Oh, ray, life is cruel.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh.
Ouch!
Life is good.
And I want each of you to know
that you're all
very special to me.
- Uh, number three,
- switch places with number five.
Tia, how did we end up
in detention?
Last week, honor roll,
this week, death row.
Uh, Tia, your future husband
wants a word with you.
Hey, after school,
you want to go for a ride?
I can steal a car.
No, it's okay.
We've got to Rob a bank.
There's Mr. Berry.
Don't look at him.
Don't look at him either.
Girls, can we talk
for a minute?
Um, we're kind of busy.
- Look, I really feel bad about
- what happened at the museum.
I thought we were friends.
The last thing you need
is a 30-year-old buddy.
You're 30?
Good hair piece.
Sit down.
- The thing you have
- to understand is,
I'm your teacher.
Forget it; It's no big deal.
I-I shouldn't have yelled.
Uh, it was a crazy day, and...
- This may sound
- kind of stupid,
But we thought
you were different.
Yeah, y-you were the first
teacher we ever really liked.
Get in there,
you little maggot!
Of course,
she was a close second.
I'm sorry I blew up.
I guess I'm human.
I'm sorry we messed up
at the museum.
- I guess we
- weren't thinking.
The thing is, I'm really glad
you girls are in my class.
So are we, ed.
So are we, ed.
You changed my life, ed.
Hi, Lisa.
How's it going?
Lousy, miserable, rotten.
Hmm, you seen
the TV guide?
I'm having a rough time.
Thank you for your support.
- All right,
- all right.
- I'm sorry,
- I'm sorry.
- Why don't I go make
- a couple sandwiches,
- And we can sit and talk
- about how all men are scum?
Oh, ray, it's like you're
the big sister I never had.
- Ooh, I hope this is Terrence
- coming to make up with me!
We'll be lovebirds again!
What you want?
Oh, Lisa, uh...
I-I'm sorry I got so upset.
I-I brought you
a little gift.
Oh, Terrence,
you should have.
- "Chippendale's
- erotic male dancers"?!
I just want you to know
that I-I trust you,
and I-I don't
mind looking...
Oh, June is
busting out all over.
Ooh.
- Maybe I should
- hold on to this.
- Oh, Terrence, honey,
- what are we gonna do now?
Both of us like
to window shop.
I don't know, baby.
- M-Maybe we just need to lay down
- some ground rules, you know?
Yeah.
Okay, okay, how about this?
- You can look, but when you look,
- you got to look at me first,
- So that you know and I know that
- the look is an authorized look
- And won't cause you
- any physical harm.
- 'Cause when you're
- looking at her,
- You're really
- thinking of me.
How about I take
you out to dinner
- and only
- look at you?
Oh.
And I'll only look at you.
- But I might sneak a peek
- at that dessert cart.
Lisa, here's your sandwich...
Lisa, food!
Oh, no, she's been kidnapped.
Little appetizer.
- You finish
- your homework?
- Yeah, we did
- it in deten...
Deten?
In de ten minutes
it takes to get to school.
Our top story tonight,
officials at the city art museum
are investigating the theft
of a priceless artifact...
Aklia, the goddess of desire.
We believe this to be the work
- of an international
- terrorist group.
- The act of leaving
- a beverage behind
Is an obvious
political statement.
Another exclusive.
- This theft is
- apparently the work
Of a criminal
mastermind.
Hide me!
I'm on the lam!
- Roger, what's
- going on?
Wait a minute.
You stole the statue?
You're a mastermind?
Surprised me, too.
Roger, how could you
do such a stupid thing?!
It was an accident.
- And I was gonna give it
- back, but I've been too busy
- Fighting off packs of women
- because of this dang statue.
Oh, come on, Roger,
that's a myth.
Roger is so cute.
He's so adorable.
Uh, get that away
from them.
You got to help me,
Mr. Campbell.
I can't go to jail.
- I can't even stand
- to shower in gym class.
- Well, why'd you
- come to me?
'Cause you're my best friend.
I am?
It's rough out there,
Mr. Campbell.
- Come on, ray,
- we have to help him.
- Yeah, 'cause
- if we don't,
- He'll be hiding out here
- all the time.
- Uh, come on, let's
- get to the car.
- Oh, I just had the best time
- with Terrence.
I'm so in love
with him, I...
Ooh, Roger, you are
looking so fine.
Ooh!
- Come on,
- I'll explain in the car.
Oh.
You know, I'm kind of glad
to get rid of this.
- I've tampered with
- ancient erotic forces,
And I'm afraid,
not to mention exhausted.
I got to make one quick stop.
Where are
the police?
Hello? Hello?
- Ray.
- Hmm?
- I'm new at this
- crime business,
But I think the cops
are supposed to find you.
We have to find
somebody in charge.
Dad, can't we just
sneak the statue back?
Yeah, I do love
a good caper.
- Come on, there's
- no one here.
Okay.
- Roger, have you
- learned your lesson?
- Yes, I have,
- Mr. Campbell, sir.
- Well, the important
- thing here...
Can we save the lecture
for the getaway?
- Okay, ray, the
- coast is clear.
Put it back!
Whoa!
Run!
Roger, are you okay?
I had the whole world in
my hands, and I lost it.
Will you forget about
that stupid statue?
- I can't.
- For the first time in my life,
I had women all over me...
And I was awake.
Don't you get it?
- It had nothing
- to do with aklia.
Then what was going on?
Well, one girl
happened to like you,
- and that made
- other girls like you.
Dang, women are shallow.
- And because you
- were confident,
- You didn't have to try so hard
- with those stupid pick-up lines.
Stupid?
- I thought "take off your blouse,
- it may be flammable"
Was a timeless classic.
Just be yourself.
- I mean, you're smart, you're
- cool, you're handsome.
I'm lying.
Come on, Roger.
Just try it.
Okay, no pick-up lines.
- I'm gonna be the best me
- that I can be.
Tyra, listen,
I like you,
- and I was wondering if
- you would go out with me.
That's very sweet, Roger,
but I have a new boyfriend.
- Did I mention that
- I'm a multi-millionaire,
- And I just got
- my pilot's license?
Sorry, Roger.
My heart is so broken
that my braids hurt.
Come on, Roger.
I mean, don't give up.
- There are plenty of girls
- who'd want to go out with you.
- How about you? - Maybe you
- Should give up.
Thanks.
- Come on, Roger,
- we're just kidding.
- Then you will
- go out with me?
- Okay.
- Sure.
- You girls are doing this
- out of pity, aren't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Then I should've
thought of this years ago.
Girls?
I can't believe all the fuss
over this stupid little statue.
Yeah, I guess we all
got kind of crazy.
- I mean, how could this little
- thing have magical powers?
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
- Like that old piece of stone
- could make anybody fall in love.
- People are
- so gullible.
- They'll believe
- anything.
Yeah.