Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Birthday - full transcript

What is it? What happened?

Look at my new car.

What do you think?

Wow, it's, uh...

Very...

Big.

Yeah, they don't make 'em

like this anymore.

- Yeah, they probably
- ran out of steel.

Look at this thing.

It's huge!



There's hardly any

room for my car.

- Oh, ray,
- you're just jealous.

- Everybody and their rich mother
- has your car.

This is a classic.

Where's the top?

They're still looking for it.

Mom, why don't you

turn the engine off?

Oh, I already did.

It's just knocking.

- Hey, watch my...
- Watch my car.

- Hey, don't scratch it.
- Now watch... be careful.

Oh, I am so excited.



No more waiting for the bus

in the rain and the snow.

No, now you can ride

around in the rain

and the snow.

- And now you can
- take me to school.

You can take

the whole class.

That's my baby.

Wait, you can't leave

this thing here like that.

- Ooh, yeah, ooh,
- I almost forgot.

Almost forgot.

Now it's safe.

♪ Talk about

a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed you ♪

- ♪ Talk about
- a two-way twister ♪

♪ No, it won't be

trouble-proof ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed you ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let... you... go ♪

Tonight on abc...

Spend Christmas with the

Olsen twins in south central.

It's full house in the hood.

Ray, let's go.

We're late.

I can't find my car keys.

- Come on, ray, we're already
- ten minutes late

For the pta meeting.

- Tamera, have you
- seen them?

Why don't you take Lisa's car?

I'll help you look for them.

Yeah.

Ray, come on.

- All right,
- all right.

- Are you two gonna be all
- right here by yourselves?

I can call and check in.

Ray, you coming,

- or are you gonna stay
- and breast-feed?

I'm just concerned

about the girls.

- If something goes wrong,
- I'll know it.

- Tia tells me
- everything. Right, Tia?

- I don't think those shoes
- go with that outfit.

Hush, honey.

Come on, ray, let's go.

I'm not leaving

without my keys.

Now boarding at gate Lisa.

I can't believe this!

I need gas again?

I just filled up

on the way home.

You better hope there's

a station on every corner.

Oh, sorry.

I need a cinderblock for that.

The car came with

an eight-track.

Isn't that great?

Let's do something fun.

Why don't we just get our

homework over with so we

can watch some TV?

Okay.

Have you seen my books?

- When did you have
- them last?

Third grade.

I guess I left them

in dad's car.

An excellent idea.

Thank you, Mrs. Saunders.

Now...

Oh...

For the next

order of business...

Are you okay, ray?

What I need is a blanket.

Come on in.

- Uh, we just finished
- introducing ourselves.

Go on, Mr. President.

Volunteers for the

fund-raiser Saturday?

- Mrs. Curtis,
- Mr. Turner...

Never volunteer.

Trust me.

Uh, volunteers for the

costume-making committee?

Ooh! Ooh!

Trust me.

Volunteers

for the next committee...

Let's see, let's see...

I'll do it!

I'll do it! I'll do it!

Okay, what am I doing?

Cornbread.

We need 80 loaves by Saturday.

- Anyone else
- for the cornbread committee?

Last year I had to make

a thousand cupcakes.

I couldn't grip

a spoon for a week.

See what I mean?

Uh, ray would like to help.

No, I don't...

- Excuse me, excuse me,
- excuse me,

Ray doesn't think

that our kids deserve...

Oh, I do, I do.

I'm going to help.

Thank you, ray.

Oh, uh, will the owner

of a '72 red and rust-

colored Cadillac

- please go out to
- the parking lot?

- You're blocking
- ten cars.

Ooh, ooh-ooh.

- Oh, and, uh, apparently
- your motor's running.

No, it's knocking.

It's just knocking.

Tamera, what's taking

you so long?

I found dad's keys.

Great. Where were they?

- In the ignition.
- Good.

- Get your books
- and let's go.

What's wrong?

Tamera, no.

I just want to see

if I can start it.

I started it.

Great. Now stop it.

- Wait. Let me see what happens
- when I put it in gear.

Tamera, you're washing

the windows.

I meant to do that.

I'm in reverse.

I'm moving. I'm moving.

Great. Put it back

and let's go inside.

No, no, I'm getting good.

- No, you're gonna
- get in trouble.

Tia, you don't know

what you're missing.

This is great.

This is great.

Tamera, this is a...

bad idea.

Oh...

I can't believe this.

How could this happen?

- Why didn't you stop me?
- I told you not to.

Okay, okay, just help

me get it off.

Okay.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Maybe we can cover it up.

- I mean, all we need
- is some paint.

We don't have any paint.

Well, how about magic marker?

Crayon? Shoe Polish?

I don't know... something.

That's them!

- Uh, we got to get
- rid of this.

- Okay, just throw it
- in the trash can.

It is the trash can.

Oh, whatever.

Come on, hurry up, move it,

move it, move it, move it!

Hide it.

Quickly.

What do we do now?

Run!

Okay, I'm just

gonna act natural.

How's this?

Looks like you

have arthritis.

Whatever you do,

don't say anything.

I can't lie to my mom.

You don't have to lie.

Just don't tell the truth.

Please?

I can't believe this.

It's gonna take me

a week to recover.

We did it.

Did what?

Our homework.

You asleep?

No.

You asleep?

Oh, right.

It's like a nightmare.

I feel like somebody else

took over my body

and scratched dad's car.

Believe me, it was you.

What are we gonna do?

Well, I bet we'll sleep better

if we go tell right now.

- I can't tell.
- Well, I can't lie.

But, Tia, we're sisters.

We're not lying.

We're bonding.

I still don't like this.

Look, Tia, if we

tell, I mean,

- not only will my dad
- be worried about his car,

- He'll also think he
- failed as a parent.

Do you want that?

Tamera, you're full of it.

I know, but I'm desperate.

Promise me you won't

say anything.

Okay, I promise.

- But lies always
- start out small,

- And they snowball
- out of control.

You're just paranoid.

What was that?

Roger, what are

you doing here?

I saw what you did.

What are you talking about?

I saw you wreck

your dad's car.

How did you see that?

Well, my VCR broke,

so I thought

I'd watch you guys instead.

Roger, that's sick.

If I was older, it'd be sick.

At my age, it's just curiosity.

Go home, Roger.

Uh-uh-uh...

That's not gonna work

this time, twins.

- Now, it would be real easy
- for someone

To accidentally tell

your dad what happened.

What do you want, Roger?

- Matching girlfriends
- for a week.

You've got to be kidding.

- The fact is,
- you don't get a girlfriend

Until you got a girlfriend.

And who knows what

I can get with twins.

No way.

Mr. Campbell...

- Shh.
- We'll do it.

We will?

We have to.

I can't believe this.

And dress alike tomorrow.

I like that.

I told you this thing

would get out of hand.

Okay, okay. But at least

the worst is over.

- Either of you seen
- the other trash can?

- No.
- No.

- Well, I was trying
- to throw away the trash,

And I can't find it anywhere.

You know, there's

been a string

of trash can robberies

in the neighborhood.

- Morning, ray.
- Time to make some cornbread!

Great.

- Oh, shoot,
- time to go to work.

- Oh, not so fast now, ray.
- You volunteered.

You volunteered!

Guess what, girls?

- I just went by the bus stop
- blowing my horn,

Just to rub it in.

Isn't that funny?

- Ah, I guess you
- had to be there.

- He's gonna see it
- sooner or later.

- Well, maybe he'll think
- it happened at work.

- I mean, he won't
- know who to blame.

Lisa, that dinosaur of

yours scratched my BMW.

- What are you
- talking about?

I didn't touch your car.

- Well, there was no
- scratch on it yesterday,

- And I haven't
- driven it since.

- How do you account
- for that?

I don't have to account

for anything, judge wapner.

I'd know if I hit somebody.

- How would you know?
- You ride around

In that steel cocoon,

you can't feel a thing.

- Just show me what
- you're talking about.

- Oh, I'll be glad
- to show you.

Oh, my goodness.

See, there, there.

I warned you about

getting too close.

Well, look at my Fender.

- I don't see any
- new scratches.

- Finding a new scratch
- on that car

- Is like finding a new crater
- on the moon.

You better stop

dissing my baby.

Mom...

What is it, Tia?

We...

Finished

our breakfast.

Congratulations.

- See, look at your
- Fender back here.

- Come here.
- I'll show you.

You probably hit

it right here.

This is getting

out of hand.

We've gotta tell.

Tia, you promised.

If you tell, you'll

get me in trouble.

- But now my mom's
- in trouble.

I didn't do it!

That's all there is to it!

- Now get out of
- my face, please!

Lisa...

Case closed.

Lisa...

See? Case closed.

Everything's fine.

How you living, twins?

Living large, Roger.

Living large, Roger.

What?

Living large, sweet stuff.

Living large,

sweet stuff.

Who's your champion?

- You are.
- You are.

Who's your champion?

- You are.
- You are.

Who's your champion?

That's enough, Roger.

- Way to
- go, Roger.

- Can't keep 'em
- off me, man.

- Come on, girls.
- Keep moving.

- We've got a lot of ground
- to cover.

Okay, Roger, I'm ready.

What's this for?

- School
- yearbook.

No way. You are not

taking our picture.

I hear the sound

of a car crashing.

Smile.

Thanks.

- And make me
- some wallet-size.

This is a nightmare.

I guess it's time

for my good-bye kiss.

- Ew.
- Ew.

Dang! Nobody saw it.

Do it again.

Forget it, Roger.

- That's it! I
- don't care anymore.

- We're not gonna be
- your girlfriends.

But I got the dirt

on you guys. Remember?

Go ahead and tell.

- Anything's better
- than this.

Yeah, get lost.

- Come on, guys.
- I thought we were friends.

Friends? A friend wouldn't take

advantage of us like this.

And you know

what, Roger?

We used to kind of

like you.

You like me?

You really like me?

Not anymore.

You conniving little...

Two-faced, snot-nosed...

Spider-head.

But, Tia! Tamera!

Does this mean we're

not going hot tubbing?

Oh...

Ugh...

Stupid cornbread!

Stupid car!

Stupid ray!

"Lisa, that dinosaur

scratched my beemer."

Lisa?

Oh. It's you.

You're still upset, huh?

'Course not.

I'm not upset.

Why should I be upset?

I ain't got nothing

to be upset about.

Tia! Tamera! Dinner!

Hey, be careful.

Don't worry. If I scratch

it, I will pay for it.

So you're saying

you scratched it?

All right, ray,

that is it!

That is it! I

scratched it!

I did it. Okay?

You happy? Now you can call

unsolved mysteries.

No, no, I won't say

another word about it.

How much are the repairs?

I had an estimate done.

It's gonna cost $800.

$800?!

For that little scratch?

I got a friend downtown

- that'll fix it
- for a pack of cigarettes.

Mom...

Tia, have some potatoes.

I promise you, you can't

tell how good they are.

Don't worry about it, Lisa.

Who's your insurance company?

Mutual of nobody.

- Oh, forget about it;
- I'll pay for it.

- No, no, that's okay, ray,
- I'll find a way to pay for it.

I don't need

two kidneys anyway.

How about we split it?

$400 apiece.

All right.

- I'll sell my car and
- I'll get the money to you

By the end of the week.

I can't take this

any longer.

I did it!

I drove the car.

- I lost control,
- and I scratched it.

- Tia?!
- You did what?

- No. I did it.
- Tia had nothing to do with it.

I just wanted to drive.

You did what?

Now wait a

minute here.

Would somebody please

tell me what's happening?

Mr. Campbell!

- I can't live
- with myself.

I did it.

You did what?!

I stole your car

for a joyride.

- I couldn't see over the
- dashboard and I totaled it,

But Tia and tamera had

nothing to do with it.

- Wait a minute.
- Who's telling the truth?

Roger.

Young lady.

I did it, dad.

You drove Ray's car?

She didn't just drive it.

- She peeled out
- of that garage so fast,

That the trash can didn't

even know what hit it.

Thanks a lot, Roger.

Glad I got that

off my chest.

Do you know how much trouble

you have caused this family?

I'm sorry, dad.

I don't know what came over me.

- It was like somebody else
- did it.

Well, you and that somebody

else are in a lot of trouble.

Come on, let's go.

Time for you and I to have

a private conversation.

Can I watch?

Go away, Roger.

I'm sorry, Lisa.

I'm sorry, Tia.

Help me!

- Mom...
- Tia.

- You knew all
- about this,

And you didn't

tell me anything?

Do you need any help?

Sure.

Hold this.

Mom, I'm really

sorry I lied.

- I didn't want you to
- get into trouble,

- But I made this promise
- to tamera, and...

Tia, let me tell ya

a little story. Gimme.

Once, when I was

in high school,

I snuck a boy into the house.

Really?

How old were you?

Uh... 25.

But we didn't do anything.

What do you mean?

Uh...

Forget that.

Anyway, the next day,

I realized that my father's

favorite pocket watch

was missing.

He stole it?

Mm-hmm.

I should have known then

that men were trouble.

So what'd you do?

Well...

I couldn't tell

my parents, you know,

that I'd snuck a boy over,

even though I was 25.

I was caught,

in the middle.

I know the feeling.

My parents looked

for that watch for years.

You must have felt terrible.

Mm-hmm... it was

the first time

I'd ever lied

to my parents.

Did they find out?

Parents always find out.

Remember that.

From then on,

my parents always looked at me

out of the side of their eyes.

Ooh, that's a bad look.

You should have seen it

when they did it.

Are you gonna look at me

that way from now on?

No, honey. I always felt

- that my parents should've
- given me a second chance.

So you're gonna give me

a second chance.

I think so.

Thanks, mom.

- But there's not
- gonna be a third.

Hi.

Hello, Raymond.

Ooh.

Guess I, uh, owe

you an apology.

I guess.

Lisa, I'm sorry.

- I shouldn't have blamed you
- for what happened to my car.

- I mean, you told me
- that you didn't do it...

It's okay, ray. It's okay.

- I probably would have done
- the same thing myself.

Just the same, I

got you something.

You did?

"Lisa's can."

Well... so you never

run out of gas again.

Oh...

Oh, thanks, ray.

Ooh.

You know what

surprised me?

It's how the girls both lied.

Yeah. As disappointed as I am

with tamera, I got to admit

- I was impressed with the way
- they stuck up for one another.

- Remember when you were
- your kid's best friend?

And they told

you everything?

Those were the days.

- Yeah, but they're
- getting older.

Yeah, and closer.

And we're getting older.

Yeah...

Don't go there, ray.

I'm sorry I dragged you

into this mess.

Like a dog in the street.

Well, I guess we got

off kind of easy.

Yeah.

- All we have to do
- is clean the garage.

- Trim the hedges.
- Wash and wax both cars.

- Hose out all
- garbage cans.

And make 80 loaves

of cornbread.

Hey, girls.

Need some help?

- No!
- No!

Well, I'm sorry I took

advantage of you guys.

I just couldn't resist.

Well, I guess you tried

to make up for it.

- And I want you to know
- that I'll always treasure

The time we spent together

as boyfriend and twins.

That's nice, Roger.

So are we

still friends?

I guess so.

Great.

I got the keys to my dad's Van.

Roger,

you can't drive.

Who said anything about driving?

Forget it, you

baggy-pants-wearing...

- Never-gonna-
- get-a-woman

Pervert!

Pervert!

Call me!

Step away from the car.

You are too close.

This car is a classic.

Step away from the car.