Single Father (2010–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

Get shift or we gonna be late.

I want those!

What are you doing.
Are you having cornflakes?

Lucy, hello.

You don't want toast?

It's not toasted
'cause you burnt it.

That's not burnt, that's perfect.
I'll eat it.

- How your brothers are doing?
- Good, you're ready.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

I just wanted to say good luck
for the exam.



Thank you.

Hurry up.

Ewan, do as you're told.

- Right.
- Coming.

- And you're gonna pass, okay?
- Bye, Dave.

Let's have the blue-screen in.

The blue screen.

Tanya?

Blue screen.

Hi, is he here?

Dad?

Just letting you know we're here.
I'm feeding 'em in the car.

So they don't kick-off?

They're at that age
when they can really hurt you!



Right.

Give Ms. Tyler a big round of applause
for playing.

Thank you.

Guess what Miss Tyler has to go
for an exam today.

- Shall we all wish her good luck.
- Good luck, Miss Tyler.

Sweetie pie.

I'm not actually quite ready.

Everybody say: Bye.

And good luck!

And one in, one out,
that would be good?

We could try it.

Get the dummies.

It's okay. I've got food.

What's that?

You want to take a photo?

That's good, that's good.

I love you too!

Dad.

Are you okay?

Sorry, that just came out!

How's it going? Everyone?

- What's the matter?
- Mum's the matter!

If you'd been here
it wouldn't have happened!

- What's going on?
- What's that?

- Dad?
- It's an egg, it's not a real one.

Have you tidied your room!

Have you cleared it, Hoovered it?
No, of course not!

Will you go and do it?

She says we can't go to the match
this afternoon, not even Ewan!

- Where've you been?
- Getting the eggs for tomorrow!

Don't all come down, go back up!

- Wait a minute.
- Stay out of this, I'm dealing with it!

Can't ask what happened?

She shouted at us.

I asked you to do your rooms
and help tidy up down here.

- We did help!
- You made water bombs!

Your mum's right, isn't she?

- Great, thanks, Dad!
- God, you're so gay!

- What did you say?
- He said: "Dad's gay".

What does "gay" mean?

- You saying your father's homosexual!
- If he is, what's wrong with that?

Right, listen!

If you want to call him useless,
call him useless!

Your mum's got her exam tomorrow!
Which is very important, Ewan!

So as being a mascot.
I've waited two seasons for it!

Help tidy up. So your Mum could revise
while we are at the match.

That's not much to ask?

Luckily, you're not wanted here
this afternoon,

so you will go the game.

If you've done everything
your Mum wants done!

And she'll be the judge,
so do it properly.

Then we'll put the new tent up!

What's so special about you?
You've got to help as well. Go on.

I've been so horrible to them!

Why am I like this?

- What are you like? You're hopeless.
- Everything will be all right.

Don't think so.

I did a practice paper.

You just need to pass.

I got 23%.

Right, okay.

I'll stay and help.
Tanya's going, she can look after them.

I want to. I'm staying. I want to.

Thank you.

Saturday afternoon action at Firhill.
Introducing the teams.

Here they come!

Where's Tanya?

She's down the front
taking pictures!

Come on, Ewan.

Look at that!

Our wee boy.
Don't you wish we were there?!

Being an advertising hoarding?
No.

Rita, seriously, come on.

You're supposed to be helping.

Sorry.

How are you doing?

What?

A minus times a minus is a plus!

Minus three, times minus two, is six.
It's not minus six, it's plus six.

Why?

Doesn't matter why,
you're not teaching Maths?

Of course I am!

But to infants!

Not if I don't get on the course

and without this I won't,

and I won't because I'm crap!

Is Matt there?

Is he doing anything?

Hang on...

- Nothing.
- Great.

- Do you wanna speak to him?
- Please.

Matt's coming over.

- Why?
- He used to teach maths!

- You and me'll do the simple stuff.
- No.

No, you just confuse me,
I'll wait for Matt!

Go and do something else.

Go and put up the tent!

Don't make me do the tent.

I won't be able to do the tent.
It will just be embarrassing.

- In front of my children?
- It wouldn't be the first time.

Dear.

- Matt, thanks.
- How's it going?

- Not good.
- I'll leave you to it.

- Algebra.
- What's he doing?

Cheer up
we'll get through this no bother.

How's it going? You okay?

No, I'm not. Move.

Brand new tent, you open the bag
and there's no instructions!

I think they're all colour-coded
or something.

Hang on.

What?

Diffused light,

coloured light,
it's quite flattering.

See.

So all I have to do
is walk round in a tent?

You know what they have the nerve
to call this tent?

This particular model.

The Balmoral.

Really?

This is the Balmoral.

Look, a wee window!

You think Matt's tamed her yet?

Has she been a cow?

That's why she's going to be
such a great teacher, the kids love her.

Then every now and then she gives them
a little bit of cow!

The magic formula.

If she can just get
this bloody exam.

What's the verdict?

I predict a C grade.

But she got 23%.

23 out of 50, 46%. She'll be fine.

That, on the other hand,

is inside out.

The tent's supposed to hang
from the frames,

not over them.

There's no instructions, you see.

Guys, they're in the garden.

Look at that, look at you.
You look great!

I do, don't I!

- What was the score?
- Three-Nought.

Proper look, now?

Very good. Take it off now.

- I've seen it.
- Why?

- I've asked you to.
- You and me.

Come on. I need you! Let's go.

- Can we sleep in the tent tonight?
- We'll see.

This is how you can keep that shirt on.
Go on.

A bit more.

Perfect.
Now just one more thing.

Sometimes you get your mum
to change her mind.

There you go, one slice

She's so sweet.

And growing up.

Maybe that's the problem.

Maybe I don't want to be a teacher.
Maybe what I really want's another baby.

I know it is.

You've got four already!

Just one more.

Wanna join us?

- Go on, we'll have'em together!
- I've got 34 kids, it's enough.

Come on.

I like my weekends.

I like my holidays
and I like time to myself.

You're not allowed not to have children,
you'd be the best mum in the world!

I will.

Matt says no.

- He doesn't want kids.
- Please!

What?

You don't ask him.

Do you think Dave
wants another baby?

You don't even consult them,
we just do it!

That is outrageous.

We've got to shoot?
It's getting a bit intense.

Look!

- Terrific.
- Thanks, dad.

- Great, isn't it?
- Great.

I'm gonna dump the cardboard
and bottles on the way to the game.

Nice to see you, Sarah.

I'm sorry not dump them, recycle them.
Do we need any shopping?

On the way to the game?

- I'm in a team! We play on Sundays!
- Not today.

- I've got an exam tomorrow.
- I've got a match.

- I need to revise.
- Rita, you're gonna pass.

You're gonna pass, so...

Have a rest and give it a rest!

- I'm not arguing about this.
- Who's looking after the kids?

You complete selfish wanker!

Take him, Jimbo!

I said take him!

Dave, coming for a pint?

I can't, I've gotta get back.

Go on, just the one!

Jimbo, I'd love one,
I'd love two, but I can't!

What is it?

Nothing. On you go.

- No, go on, it's fine.
- You sure?

It's just...

When you split up
with your first wife.

- I can't remember her name.
- Michelle.

Am I right in thinking,
there was no-one else involved?

No, no-one.

So, did you like

just know you had to go?

Pretty much.

That's how I feel.

I just want to get rid of her!

Jimbo, I'll see you later.

The boys are in the tent for the night,
don't go out.

I've just settled them.

- Why are all the lights off?
- 'Cause Lucy's staying at Martine's

and Evie's asleep, and I'm in bed.

Dad's home.

Roger, out.

Come and get your apology.

You've got your old diary out.

It's exam fever.
It's taken me back, I got the urge.

Get off!

I'm selfish.

Not you, me.

And I am

so lucky to have you.

Mum... Mum?

- What?
- Have you asked him yet?

- I'm just about to.
- Come on, Mum.

Am I feeling
a wee bit hijacked here?

I've said they can have a dog.

I know you don't like dogs.

It's not that. It's...

We're out all day!

No, not a puppy.

A rescue dog,
fully grown, house trained.

Come on, they've always wanted one
and I've been so foul.

Your Dad says yes!

I did not say yes!

What kind of dog, what type?

- A wee one, a tiny one, with batteries!
- Come on, Mum!

In the morning, over and out!

What?

I've got to saw that egg
in two for tomorrow!

So, get up early.

Get up early.

Give yourselves a round of applause.

Just sit nicely.

And one in, one out
that would be good?

We could try it.

Get the dummies.

What's that?

You want to take a photo?

He wants to take a photo,
what do you think?

That's good.

I love you too.

Dad.

Nice shot.

I'm sorry, I'm really late.

The cab didn't show.
I had to wait 'cause I was on the bike.

Sorry.

I know I'm late, I'm sorry.

It's my fault entirely.

We did call you at your work

but your daughter said
you were on your way here.

The boys are being looked after
in the Infant's with Evie.

Because?

I'm so sorry but there's been
a most terrible accident.

Rita was hit by a police car

on the way home from school...

Sit down...

Where are... Do they know?

Do they know?

- Mr Tyler. Just stay here.
- Where are the kids?

- Where are the kids?
- They're upstairs.

I've got to see the kids.

I have to go and tell Lucy.

Dad, she's at orchestra.

I know.

- Can I come, can I tell her?
- No.

Because I know Lucy calls me Dad,
but I'm not really her dad, am I?

Who's her real dad?
She doesn't have one, does she?

Dad, you don't have to come round.

I've got Tanya and Sarah here.

And Beatty and Anna are coming over.
Hang on a sec there's someone at the...

No, I've got it, speak to your dad.
Evie, hang on.

More flowers!

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Margaret.

Get that shirt off, Ewan.
You know Mum hated that!

Dad.

Sorry.

Come on...

- Stop it!
- Let go, Tanya.

Come on!

And stop Evie doing that!

They're not flowers like that!

Mum only likes flowers that grow!
Doesn't she?

Who are you?

I work with Rita.

This is Rita's mother
and I'm her sister.

So can we come in?

No, it's fine.

Never be ashamed of being afraid
to tell me something.

Fear is nothing to be ashamed of.

Everybody is afraid
of something or other,

it's very natural.

Now, get under the covers
and out of the line.

They're going through a red light
on a busy street, why?

They're going where?

What is so important
that it's worth risking that for?

- Do you want one?
- No.

The ex-wife makes an early move!

We all know why she's here.

And her.

Stop now.
They're friends, they're helping!

Please!

No-one has their ex-wife
as a friend.

She's here for one thing only!

And you know
the biggest traitors in life?

Friends!

She was my best friend!

My sweetest, dearest friend,
and she's just gone!

I can't go back in there like this.

Why don't I take you home?

Just tell them I've had to go?

Just get in the car.

Off the bike, please, sir.

Maybe this is what I wanted.

Sorry, sir?

Beg your pardon?

I should punch you out by rights,
d'you know that?

Are you threatening me, sir?

Right, one more time, off the bike.

Have it your way.

Bike registered in the name
of David Michael Tyler.

What?

The traffic fatality
in town today...

The woman on the bike
hit by one of our cars.

Sorry.

Let's go.

Take care, sir.

Mum, where is my swimming trunks?

Evie!

- Mum, swimming trunks!
- I dunno.

- But I've got swimming today.
- Where did you put them?

- I didn't put them anywhere.
- Look in that rucksack!

- Which rucksack?
- You haven't eaten anything.

- I'm fine.
- Dad, they're wet!

- You're going swimming!
- I know but I wanna put them on now!

Come here and eat your breakfast.

Come on!

- We need letters for the school trip.
- I'll phone.

Dad, we need letters,
or they won't let us go.

Can I have tuna and sweetcorn
for packed lunch?

Dad!

Where's your lunchbox?

Where did you put it?

Told you to watch the toast!

- Can we name the doggy tonight?
- Course we can.

What shall we call him?

Can we call him Pigsnatch.

I'll have a think.

It's like a fool or something

That's a good idea.

You need proper names.

Something like Messi.

Have a good day, see you later.

Bye, doggie.

- Go on, see ya.
- Bye, Dad.

See you tonight, doggie.

Bye, Dad.

You wretched wee thing!

Filthy little beast. Dave!

I'm getting it.

No, it's the dog!
It's urinating again.

I'll wipe it up in a minute.

Mr David Tyler?

Susan Cairns,
Education Liaison Officer.

Do you want to...

Afternoon.

In here?

Can I just ask

if Lucy's in?

Lucy's at school.

If only she were, Mr Tyler.

Her attendance record of 13 days

out of a possible 45

during the ten weeks
since her mother has died,

is cause for concern.

What?
She goes to school every day!

Mr Tyler, that is from the school.

But I haven't had any texts.
I haven't written any sick notes!

You also haven't responded
to any of the letters we've sent you.

I'm her guardian!

But you're not registered as such.

Registered....

- I'm doing it, so...
- Yes. But...

for whatever good reason,

you are not fulfilling
your obligations.

And Lucy, at 15, is required,
by law, to attend school.

She will, you've just got to understand.
I didn't know about any of this!

Thanks for coming.

Thank you.

You shouldn't have shouted at her.

Phone Robin,
you're going to need a solicitor.

I'll deal with it.

Oh yeah?

Have you any idea
how powerful these people are?

- If you're not gonna phone him,
- I'll phone him. Be quiet for a minute.

I need to think about this,
the only thing that matters is Lucy!

It's like trying to manage the house
on your own!

You need help.

I've got to get to the studio,
heartfelt?

For all the weeks
of shopping and cooking and cleaning,

for nearly everything, thank you,

but you don't need
to pop over any more.

I'll manage myself,

and you can leave the door keys
on your way out.

Preferably now.

Do you wanna give us a clue?

We're doing a brochure
at the moment.

Scotland Street School Museum.

And we've got architect models
on Tuesday.

Sure.

Good!

Sorry, it's Robin.

Cheers.

Sorry.

I know, I've been pestering you.

What?

This is about Lucy.

The police finally

contacted us vis-a-vis

a propos compensation

for Rita.

Responsibility for which
they're not contesting/disputing.

There will be an inquiry,

but that aside,

I just wanted to give you an idea

of the figure I have in mind.

- Can I leave this to you?
- Not really.

It's a life-changing
amount of money.

I can't put a price.

Really, I'm not interested.

Please?

Thank you.

Sorry, Robin, I've gotta...

Yes, course, sorry.

With regards to Lucy,

though.

I strongly recommend a warning shot

across the bows
of that Education Liaison Officer

and a stiff letter to the school,

asking why they've taken this route,
given the circumstances.

With all due credit to Anna,

I seriously think you should consider
the possibility of adopting Lucy.

Because, as it stands,
your position is,

if put to the test, unfairly...

untenable.

Dad, I just don't go

to registration, okay?

When you don't go to registration,
I don't know, they...

What?

- I don't know, this happens!
- Why don't you go to registration?

Because they keep asking me how I am
and I don't need reminding how I am?

So I just go to lessons!

Why haven't I had
this letter from the council?

I don't know, letters go missing.

Come on, Lucy!

We're the only household
that doesn't happen to?

Phone the school!
My English teacher!

- You want me to phone?
- My teacher!

Why?

I've got homework to do!
I've got a history essay to write!

She comes
in like she's been to school.

Complaining about homework.

- So convincing.
- They're terrible liars at that age.

But doesn't her school text you
if she's absen.

To Rita's phone.

And Lucy texts back as if it's you?

Forges sick notes,
intercepts letters,

although she says not.

Compulsively devious.

But what's she doing
if she's bunking off?

And how do I get her to talk

so she can say
what's really happening?

God, I don't know.

You teach year 11s!

I shout at them, I sneer at them,

they hate me, I hate them,
and in the sixth form, we renegotiate!

Can you write "Pigsnatch"?

- Write what?
- Pigsnatch.

I'd tell her why you're worried,
how you're feeling.

Do you want us to hang about
and occupy the others?

- I've got marking to do!
- Come and see the doggy!

Dad, when're we doing it!

After supper, put the pasta on!

Tonight's the naming of the dog.

I'll try again in the morning.

Don't worry.

If she's not going to school,
where is she every day?

Who's she spending it with,

and how's her head?

Paul, Ewan and Evie are amazing
most of the time, cos they escape,

they get engrossed in things
like we never can,

or if we did, we'd look mad.

Talking to little plastic figures

two inches from your face.

But when you're 15,
you can do stuff to yourself.

And once in a while,
I see her getting grabbed

by the here
and now and the where we are.

And the look on her face!

When are you and Matt
going to have kids?

Sorry, no.

I'm veering away from a black hole!
It's none of my business.

Straight into another one.

Babe, we're gonna have to go.

Dad, Anna's on the phone!

Tell her I'll call back tomorrow.

Thanks for coming over anyway.

Cheers, guys.

Right, guys.

Final secret ballot!

We're down to three names.

- And the nominations?
- Messi. Buster. And Boy.

You put one cross for Messi.

Two for Buster.

And three for Boy.

And four for Pigsnatch.

And Pigsnatch.

One, two, three, four.

- It's gonna be Messi.
- Pigsnatch.

And the winner

by an overwhelming majority...

is...

Boy!

- How many votes did Buster get?
- One!

No, 0.5.

- Half sisters only get half a vote!
- What did you just say?

- Fuck off, Ewan!
- You are in serious trouble!

- She kicked me!
- Say sorry,

and you had better mean it!

- And kicking's allowed?
- Now!

Move it!

Sorry, Lucy.

Everyone in here!

Come on. Come sit down.

- I want to show you something!
- What are we doing?

Who remembers this?

Who remembers
what your Mum had just said?

I do! She said thank you
to Paul cos he made the cake!

Very good!

You're good at this!

But what did she say next?

She said: "Thanks, Paul".

Then what?

I don't remember.

Yeah, you do.

Look at it.
Don't try to remember.

I love you lot!

And she still does.

And there's loads more photos like that
we can look at.

I'm telling you,
whatever's going on,

it's gonna be all right.

Dad?

Anna gave us a load of DVDs
we can watch.

Can we watch them?

Bring them here, let me see.

Ewan, not Bolt,
he won't let us watch it.

Everything's going
to be all right, is it?

I don't think so.

- Why do you say that?
- Why do you think I said it?

I don't know.

Because the others have all got you.

Paul's got you,
Ewan's got you, Evie but...

What have I got?

Beatty's not mine,

she adopted Mum, Anna's not mine.

Only Mum was mine, and...

she's gone now,

and I'm not part of anyone.

It's like,

everyone chooses "Boy" for the dog.

Evie wanted Pigsnatch.

You're not my dad!

No, I'm not, no.

You don't even notice
when I'm not at school!

I want my dad!

I want my dad!

And I'm gonna find him!

I don't know how, but I am.

Cos I'm not part of you,

and you don't care!

Just leave him for a moment,
just leave him.

There's Ratatouille, Shrek III...

- Nanny McPhee.
- No to all of them.

Okey-dokey,
how about My Life As A Dog.

Anna brought My Life As A Dog?

Can we watch it?

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Paul, you're holding the fort.

Can you go round the house,
I've left Paul in charge!

Lucy's run off! I'll call you back!

It's Lucy, she's run off.
I'll see you in a bit.

Hi, Martine.

It's Paul, Lucy's brother.

Have you seen Lucy today?

- Ask, "Is she with you?"
- Is she with you, Martine?

Have you got any idea
where she might be?

Do you know where she is at all?

- Anything?
- Not yet.

But we're phoning round her friend,

we've tried Helen, Martine.

I don't know any of them.
I don't know her friends.

Don't know who they are,

where they live, what they're called,
Rita did all that. Good joke!

Dad, the movie's got subtitles!

It's got subtitles.
Evie can't read!

- Watch what you like, watch anything.
- Put Bolt on!

- Dad!
- It's fine. Enjoy it, it's fine.

Can I speak to Penny, please?

It's Sarah, Rita and Dave's friend.

We're looking for Lucy...

I'm okay.

Go and watch the film.
I'll be down in a sec.

Dad! She's at Beatty's.

Lucy's at Beatty's!

Great, thanks.

- Anna and Robin are bringing her back!
- Great!

Dad, just come
and watch the film with us!

But don't wait, I'll catch it up.

Just having a wash.

She went straight to Beatty's!

I can't do this...

I can't do this.

I can't do this without Rita.

I miss her,

I miss her so much!

Fuck!

It's brutal to miss her,

every moment.

I know other people miss her too,
I know they do.

They weren't with her all the time,

every day.

Some of their life, for odd moments,

is maybe still the same.

- You know, don't you, you know?
- I do.

I can't do this!

What? Yes, you can.

You are a great dad.

You can and you will,
and you're not going to be on your own.

I should...

Paul, Sarah's here?

It's not like I wanted to come back.

I didn't.

We both know what happened.

This mustn't make us awkward

because it was just innocent.

I'll do everything I can
to find your dad.

Rita would go to her room,
she'd write in her diaries...

Beatty, Rita's diaries!

It's like I don't know who she was.

Someone's replied about Rita.

You're telling me
that you're her father?

You can't have children, can you?

There are some things
you don't speak about, young lady.

What's going on?