Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 21 - Marlowe, Come Home - full transcript
Everybody stay where
you are. This is a robbery.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...
It takes a thief
to catch a thief.
It takes a dog to catch
a dog or a dognapper.
[barks]
Marlow is going
undercover at a dog show?
And halt.
- It is a dog, isn't it?
- I don't know.
Hold it!
We don't have my wagon.
- We don't have my dog.
- Your hat.
I ought to kill both
dogs right now.
[barks]
Nobody has ever caught him, A.J.
That's how good he is.
- Go get him!
- [dogs bark]
[barks]
♪♪ [theme]
The setup's right.
We're going for it.
10:34, mark.
Check.
Okay, we're in at 10:40.
Get what we came for.
Out at 10:45.
Right.
But don't use these
unless it's
absolutely necessary.
All right, go around the back.
Everybody stay where you are.
Put your hands in
the air and don't move.
This is a robbery.
Do exactly as you're told,
and no one will get hurt.
You, face down on the floor.
[dogs bark]
Now, why don't you take me
to Ms. Carlisle's bitch champ?
Let's go!
[yelps]
Perhaps you misunderstood.
I said Ms. Carlisle's
bitch Nantucket.
Take a look. That's
not even a bitch.
You just come here.
Come on.
[dogs bark]
Huh, now that's a champion.
Open it up, let's go.
Hurry up.
Come on, baby. Come to Daddy.
Say bye-bye.
Arlenson?
Soon as we get
back, she gets clipped.
Lose that show quality.
Make her look
like any other pet.
All right, let's go.
[engine starts]
[Announcer] So the Lakers and
the Sixers both showing a little bit
of the pressure that
exists here at this spectrum.
Now here's the ball
to Jamaal Wilkes.
Wilkes likes to put
up that 20 foot lay-up
as Chick calls it. But he goes to
the dribble drive along the baseline.
He rams into a defender
and it's called charging.
Charging? You're nuts! Charging.
[Announcer] The
76ers with possession.
♪♪ [Mozart]
Floyd 3, he can put
it up... ♪♪ [Mozart]
Stolen, a great
defensive play by Nixon.
Nixon to Hudson... ♪♪ [Mozart]
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a great NBA contest
Let's do some defense! Defense!
As the 76ers doing a
little bit of a weave outside.
They get it to number 6, Dr. J.
Julies Irving passes
down the middle.
- [doorbell rings]
- A.J., door.
Intercept by Kareem
Abdul Jabbar.
He throws to mid
court to Hudson.
Hudson further down
the floor than Nixon.
He's got a lay-up.
Hey, door.
A beautiful play.
The Lakers still trail...
- What?
- Answer the door!
Why should I answer?
Why can't you answer?
Because I am watching
history in the making here.
Would you just go get the door?
History until the
game of next week.
- [doorbell rings]
- Get the door.
And they call goal tending.
Goal tending!
- It's goal tending.
- It was not goal tending.
The ball has got to be
coming down for it to become...
The ball was still
on an upward arc.
It was not goal tending.
[doorbell rings]
Hi, Mr. Gorman.
- Simon.
- [Marlowe whines]
I've had it with this dog.
Uh, Rick?
Do you know how long it
takes for asparagus to come up?
Three years. Three
years I've waited
for my asparagus to come up,
and your dog
decided to tear it all up
just so he can bury these!
Those are my slippers. Rick!
Simon, I've been a lifelong
member of the Humane Society.
Animal rights groups.
Not anymore.
[barks]
This dog is the most
worthless beast in
the animal kingdom.
Next to my brother,
Mr. Gorman, next to my brother.
I'm... I'm sorry about...
My poor asparagus.
Sorry.
Well, A.J., it's asparagus.
I'll get him a package
of frozen asparagus.
I'll get you a package
of frozen slippers.
Come on, Marlowe.
[clicks] Come on.
Kill, Marlowe.
[clicks]
Come here.
Oh, yes. What a good dog.
[A.J.] She must be
quite a champion
to warrant this kind of
ransom demand, Ms. Carlisle.
[Ms. Carlisle] Nantucket's
won four consecutive
Westminster championships.
She was virtually
guaranteed Best In Show
at Del Mar tomorrow.
You don't seriously believe
that a jealous dog
owner did this?
Mr. Simon, the road
to the blue ribbon
is littered with broken hearts.
Well, the guy sure
knew about dogs.
When they tried to
give him the male,
he said, "No, I
don't want the dog.
"I want the bitch." He
knew the right terminology.
Come on, this has all
the earmarks of a pro.
The guy didn't leave
anything traceable behind.
- He knows a lot more
than just dogs.
- Yeah.
The police and I have
a difference of opinion.
They don't think I
should pay the ransom.
They don't seem to understand
the value of a champion.
Ms. Carlisle, if you want us
to help you pay the
ransom, we certainty will,
but the police are right.
I mean, just paying him $50,000
doesn't guarantee you're
going to get the dog back.
They told me he
might kill her anyway.
My father gave Nantucket to me
for my 25th birthday.
We had a wonderful party.
Lot of my friends were there.
It was the last time
I was ever lonely.
I know how you
feel. I got a dog, too.
I have to pay.
Well, we'll do everything we can
to get her back to you safely.
Hey, Town.
Hey, can't a guy have lunch?
Whoa.
Hey, I swear I'll
file charges on you.
Can you believe this
dog's sense of smell?
I'm telling you, A.J.,
it's going to work.
He's gonna help
us crack this case.
Or find a delicatessen.
One or the other.
With all due
respect to Marlowe...
Wait. There is no
respect due Marlowe.
[barks]
Easy, boy.
Come on it takes a
thief to catch a thief.
It takes a dog to catch
a dog or a dognapper
Where's the evidence
you got from the groomer?
I got it. There you go, boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good boy.
Yeah, we were just
over at Beth Carlisle's,
and he got to sniff all of Nantucket's
toys and blankets and stuff.
Where do you hope
to pick up the scent?
Well, our guy's a dog fancier.
We figure he'll be at
the show tomorrow.
I'm gonna go with Beth
and the groomer from
the Royal Pet Products.
Yeah, Marlowe is gonna
go with me undercover.
[barks]
Marlowe is going
undercover at the dog show?
Then he's gonna pose as a dog.
[snickers]
Oh, Rick, I can't
go through with this.
Come on, A.J., Marlowe
is a trained sniffer.
You remember I worked with
him myself for a whole week.
With hamburger. Any
dog can smell hamburger.
That's not true. It took
him two or three tries,
but he finally
got the hang of it.
Rick, they only allow
registered breeds in a dog show.
Sit.
A lot of them are champions.
I mean, the only claim
to fame Marlowe has
is he chased a mailman
up a telephone pole.
Kept him there
for five hours, too.
Yeah, but he won't
get in that dog show.
Trust me. It's all take care of.
[clicks]
Sure we're in the right place?
Yep.
You wrote it down?
Ricky, how could you
do that? That's evidence.
You've been around long enough.
Reno, where have you been?
We have been waiting
here for an hour and a half.
Well, I put together some back
up documents just to be safe.
All we needed was a pass
to get Marlowe into the arena.
We're dealing with the AKC here.
I have a reputation to protect.
Nowadays, any bimbo
with a home copier
thinks he's an
expert... Okay, okay.
Name... Simon C. Marlowe.
Bred Anatolian Shepherd?
What's an Anatolian
Shepherd look like?
Marlowe.
Hurtles champion, Atlanta, 1982.
Good boy.
Sire... - Sire...
- Lord Buckley.
Mm-hmm.
Well, Marlowe
must be the skeleton
in Lord Buckley's closet.
[Announcer] Thank you,
please return to your dogs.
[Announcer] Thank you very much.
The next exercise
will begin immediately.
You're our best bet, Tina.
You're the only one who's gotten
a good look at our dognapper.
Yeah, but I really
didn't see that much.
I mean he was wearing a mask.
Probably saw more
than you realize.
As a groomer, you've had a lot of
experience working with appearance.
There you go, yeah.
Think of him as a dog.
Try to describe him.
His eyes had a definite
Doberman quality.
Only they were blue.
That's a help.
Very fast gait.
Good reach and drive
like an Afghan or
a German Shepard.
Uh, Tina.
How is he built?
[Announcer] Number 146...
Very well sprung in the chest.
Okay, we're looking for a cross
between Rin Tin
Tin and my brother.
Get over here. Sit down.
Sit.
- Sit.
- [whimpers]
Would you sit down?
Good boy.
Hi.
What an unusual thing?
I don't think we've
seen you before
on the local dog
circuit, have we?
No, probable not. We've
been in the Big Apple
training for the main event
at Madison Square Garden.
I'll bet you were
the toast of the town.
[Announcer] Number
147 to ring, please.
Number 147 to ring.
Pay attention here.
This is just like the
hamburger game, all right?
You keep your nose on business.
[Announcer] Last
call, number 147.
Excuse me, he's
about to default.
Say what?
You're 147.
Oh, well, I guess
it's too late now, huh?
No, no, Herbert? Herbert, here.
- It's 147 - 147, you're up.
Okay, Marlowe,
every mutt that ever wanted a
shot at the title is pulling for you, pal.
Let's go. Come on.
Come on.
This is the heeling
off leash exercise.
Do you have any questions?
No. Come here.
You got an eating competition?
Come here. Turn around.
- Soon as you're ready, sir.
- Okay.
- Could I help you...
- Come on, Marlowe. Come on, Marlowe.
- Uh, forward.
- Yeah.
Forward heel.
Come on.
Herbert, it is a dog, isn't it?
I don't know.
Right turn.
Right turn.
Slow.
And halt.
Exercised finished.
Did very well, whatever it is.
Nice going, boy.
[growls]
Thank you very much. Next dog.
That's a way to show
them. Let's go now.
Marlowe, come on, get up.
[Announcer] Number 148 next.
Marlowe, come on.
Hey. [whistles]
Come on, Marlow, get up.
This exercise is finished, sir.
Can you just move right
along to retrieve him now?
- [barks]
- Now, you be quite.
Easy, come on, let's go.
Could you, um, move it along?
Sometimes he just likes to
have his tummy scratched
after a workout, you know, so...
[crowd laughs]
Come on, fetch.
Doggy biscuit, Marlowe.
[Announcer]
Please clear the rink.
Uh, come? Marlowe, give me
a break here would you please?
Come on. All right, come on.
Good boy. Good boy.
Marlowe? Marlowe.
[Announcer] Number 148, please.
Well, my boy went
the distance out there.
Showed a lot of
heart in the ring.
Yeah.
He's not winning
any merit badges
in the sniffing
depart though he is?
Well, maybe the
guy didn't show up.
Just gonna have to wait and
try to pick up some more leads
when ransom
instructions come in.
Yeah.
I say we give it one more
time around the arena.
Could you control
your dog, mister?
I'm sorry. Marlowe.
Sorry.
I think I've been
spotted, come on.
Mr. Simon, that voice. That man.
Come on.
Okay, uh, we'll follow
in the power wagon.
You take the clown,
and we'll call you
as soon as we can.
[dogs bark]
- Oh, put your feet up. Put your feet up.
- That a boy.
[struggling]
Okay, good baby.
Get in there.
License 1Q67331.
Come on.
Can you read the dealership?
Yeah, Curt Miller RVs, La Jolla.
[barks]
We can't just let
them sit on us like this.
I'll get a little ways ahead
and pull over around the bend.
Hold it!
You heard the man.
Don't even think about it.
Throw your guns right over here.
Now, come on. I know
you love your dog.
You, too.
Fine.
Have the keys, please?
They're in it.
You boys want to get
against the tree for me?
Come on. Come on.
Back to back, if you don't mind.
That's good. I like that.
[engine starts]
Thanks for the ride, Mom.
It's all right, boys.
[ringing]
Nixon, let me talk to Town.
A haircut? You know where?
Well, find him, man,
Tell him I got a
serious crisis here.
I'm on my way
down there right now.
All right, Rick.
Now, let's wait a minute.
Let's examine what we got here.
Let's examine
what we don't have.
We don't have my wagon.
We don't have my dog.
Your hat.
Oh, geez, my hat
was in there, too.
Must have another
hat some where.
No, he traded one to Bruno
for Councilman Frank's
unlisted phone number.
And then...
the other one went up in flames
the night Carlos carried
the Olympic torch.
He hasn't changed a bit.
It was the same with Maxine.
Maxine?
His goldfish.
She died when
he was 6 years old.
I told him Maxine was swimming
up a beautiful river to heaven.
So he went off looking for
her and we finally found him
searching the swamp
behind the Krellmens' house.
[phone rings]
Hello. A.J. Simon.
I ought to kill both
dogs right now.
Well wait, uh... Look, Ms. Carlisle
has agreed to pay the $50,000.
No, no, those are the old terms.
It's 75 now.
[A.J.] 75?
And that's what your
interference is gonna cost.
We're not gonna pay a
dime until I hear his voice.
I want to make
sure he's all right.
Listen, from now on
it's your responsibility.
Anything else goes wrong,
and your dog dies first.
[Man] Now, you tell Ms.
Carlisle to be at the phone booth
at the golf driving
range in Balboa Park
tomorrow 5 p.m.
alone with the money.
Do not include a transmitter.
That is if you ever want to
see these dogs alive again.
Why don't you say
goodbye to your doggy?
Marlowe?
[barks]
[Marlowe barks]
Marlowe?
[chuckles]
Can't ask Beth to come
up with another 25,000.
Where am I gonna
get that kind of money?
I'll get it.
I can help.
Now look, I know I gripe
about the hair on the furniture.
The flees. The mud
that he tracks in.
Look, I can say a lot worse
about you in fact I usually do.
The point is we all walked
a lot of miles together
and Marlowe's part of the team.
He's part of the family.
[dogs bark]
[whines]
No.
Look, just hold the
shift on overtime.
Of course it's important.
Well, I don't have
the details right now.
It's a serious crisis.
Yeah, that's what he said.
And he's on his
way down right now.
No, go away. Whatever it is,
we don't have time for it right now.
But, Town.
Don't "But, Town" me.
Chief Marko has a series crisis.
He'll be down any minute. Out.
But, Town.
We agreed we
weren't gonna say that.
Chief Marko's series crisis,
did you get that message
from Nixon by any chance?
Yeah, he said that the chief...
How'd you know that?
You?
You called?
It was you and not the chief?
I thought he knew my voice.
Nixon!
What's up, Lieutenant?
A little closer, please.
Yes, sir.
Page 1 of the training manual,
find out who called first.
- Yes, sir.
- Would you be so kind
as to release the shift
and take the
SWAT team off alert.
Be my pleasure, sir.
Wait a minute.
I still got a
serious crisis here.
Somebody stole my dog.
Well... I've got 40
officers on overtime.
Heavy weapons
and ammo distributed.
And look at this haircut.
[snickers]
Hmm.
Look, I'm sorry about Marlowe.
Why are you wearing that?
Oh, along with the
wagon they stole my hat.
Sounds like a personal
vendetta against Rick Simon.
We got close to the
Carlisle dognappers.
They took Marlowe as a hostage.
Got the license plates.
It's a blue Chevy van.
Bought it at Miller
RVs up in La Jolla.
Run it through computer for us?
Yeah.
You holding up okay?
Yeah, yeah.
There's gonna be a ransom
exchange tomorrow afternoon at 5.
You know I'll be
there to back you up?
Let's try it one more time.
Here, come on.
Come on.
Good boy. Sit.
Sit.
[dog growls]
Get him.
[laughs]
Okay, sit down. Sit down.
All right.
Heel. Come on. Heel.
Good boy. Good boy.
Yes, sit.
He's gonna be a good one.
Come on. Come on.
All right, get in there.
Okay.
All right.
When do you want me
to get rid of those two?
[barks]
Not until we get the money.
[barks]
Arthur Kayden, are you
sure you got the right name?
That's what the police
computer told us.
Well, I checked.
Can't find any sales we saved
to anybody named Kayden.
It must have been
misfiled or something.
Yeah.
Perhaps Motor Vehicles
has an address for your guy.
Oh, they do in Oceanside.
My partner checked
it out this morning.
Kayden's not there anymore.
The receipt turns
up, I'll let you know.
Who's that you're talking to?
Um, Kurt Miller, the owner.
And he doesn't remember selling
a blue van to this Arthur Kayden?
Mister, you're tiptoeing
around crimes like extortion,
grand theft auto,
grand theft dog.
You withhold information you
could be looking at accessory charge.
Look, I'm just doing my job.
You could just be doing time.
Look, I've got a wife and kids.
Now, if I could
help you I would.
I can't.
They could be doing time, too.
Hey.
Pretty smart little dog
here for a half breed.
It's too bad. We were
just coming to feed you.
Come on. Come on.
All right, come on. Come on.
Sit. Sit.
Why don't you get
out of here, huh?
This is concrete.
Let's go.
[dog whines]
[barks]
[phone rings]
This is Beth Carlisle.
[Kayden] You have the money?
[Carlisle] Yes, but
I get the dogs first.
Bet your two detective friends
told you to say that, huh?
[Kayden] Are they with you?
No, I'm alone.
Ms. Carlisle, I don't believe
you're dealing in
good faith here.
Now, I'm going to give you
one more chance to
save Nantucket's life.
You got five minutes to be at the
phone booth at 26th and Pershing.
That's at the other
end of the park.
I can't get there
in five minutes.
Four minutes and forty seconds.
It'll ring three times before
I hang up and call it a day.
And come alone.
You're being watched.
[Carlisle] I don't know
how much you heard.
He thinks you're with me. He
said I'm not acting in good faith.
He said I got five minutes
to get to the phone booth
at the corner of 26 and Pershing
[A.J.] All he's trying to do is
make surveillance difficult for us.
It's a standard ploy
in ransom payoffs.
He also said some
one's watching.
[Rick] No, I don't buy
that. At least not right here.
But we'll stay well back
out of sight this time.
[A.J.] Town, do you copy this?
10-4, I just got a call from
the station about Kayden.
He's got a record.
[Town] He pulled some soft time
at the federal pen for fraud.
[engine starts]
[phone rings]
Yes.
- Ms. Carlisle?
- Yes.
You have five minutes
to get to the phone booth
at the refreshment stand
behind the Museum of Man.
- Wait...
- [dial tone]
The refreshment stand
behind the Museum of Man.
[Rick] We're right
behind you, Ms. Carlisle.
You're doing just fine.
[phone rings]
I'm here.
For a minute there, I didn't
think you were going to make it.
[Kayden] Are you
alone this time?
Yes.
You sure?
Damn it!
Do you want the money or not?
Don't threaten me.
You've gone too much
trouble to call this off now.
How very spunky of
you. Just like your bitch.
[Kayden] All right, Ms. Carlisle,
walk south on the dirt road.
In five minutes you'll see
a barrier crossing the road.
Walk around it until
you reach a deep gully.
Throw the bag into the gully.
[Kayden] Do you understand?
Walk south for five minutes.
Pass the barrier to the gully.
Throw the bag in the gully.
What about the dogs?
When I have the money
I'll tell you where
you can find the dogs.
He said he won't
release the dogs
till he has the money.
We got to cut the overpass.
Try and get into
some kind of position.
Town, do you copy about?
10-4, we better get a move on.
We only got a half
hour of daylight left.
[Town] It'll be hard
to tail him in the dark.
Let's go, guys.
I'm approaching the paved road.
I'm about three minutes
from the barricade.
We're coming in from the south.
We do not have
visual contact, yet.
All right, Town,
we're at the barricade
about a minute in front of Beth.
I just past the barricade.
What the...
Damn.
Forget it. We'll never
find him in there.
- We got to track him.
- Track him?
Track him.
It's going to be
dark in 10 minutes.
I'll have to find him
in seven. Come on.
We'll send scouts
for you in the morning.
[footsteps approach]
[dog growls]
[dog struggles]
Even the great Indian
scouts wouldn't try and track
a dog by moonlight
through poison oak.
You go where
the trail leads you.
Yeah well, your trail lead us
within 200 yards of
angry mama coyote.
Well, the tracks were pretty
much the same in the dark.
What are you doing?
I just wanted to
check in with Beth.
I already woke her up once.
If Kayden calls, she'll
leave a message for us.
Well, if he hasn't
called already.
Rick, we will find him.
There's got to be something
about Kayden in here.
I don't care what
the manager said.
Aha.
Got a blue van here.
Yeah, this is it.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Expect, boy, he got a good deal.
Got an incredible deal. Miller
couldn't have made a dime on this.
"Per Dorian."
What does that mean, per Dorian?
Dorian, Dorian.
Dorian Miller, of course.
Who's Dorian Miller of course?
Dorian Miller of course is
the man of a thousand heists.
He's legendary, A.J.
If he's legendary, how
come I never heard of him?
See what I mean?
No.
I mean, the guy can't be
legendary and anonymous
at the same time.
Nobody has ever caught him, A.J.
That's how good he is.
Kurt Miller must be his son.
And you think Dorian Miller
is the brains behind
the dognapping?
- No.
- Why not?
Because he's in the joint.
You just said he
never been caught.
Nobody has ever...
All right, IRS got him
on some tax technicality,
but that doesn't count.
Uh, income tax. That
means federal pen.
Usually.
Just like Arthur Kayden.
You don't suppose
they ever shared a cell?
It's worth looking into.
[growls]
Got another one of those nets?
[dogs bark]
This isn't even gonna hurt.
[growls]
[dog yelps]
Our tax dollars at work.
Don't have any
trouble with breakouts.
Break-ins, maybe.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
We're here to see
one of your inmates.
One of our guests.
"Inmates" has such
negative connotations.
Yeah, might think you are
in a prison or something.
Uh, we're here to
see Dorian Miller.
Yes, of course.
I think he's playing in
the annual Watergate
Celebrity Golf
Tournament this morning.
Sorry. My mistake. He
doesn't tee off until 1.
Ah.
So you'll probably be able
to find him in the health
club down the corner.
Go right in.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Hi, Senator, we've
been expecting you.
Whatever happened to talking
between a glass
partition over a telephone?
Guards with Tommy guns?
Must of needed space
for a racket ball court.
Thank you.
Would you look at this?
This is nicer than
my health club.
Dorian Miller?
That's right.
Hi. Rick Simon.
It's my brother A.J.
- How do you do?
- How are you?
We're private investigators.
We would like to ask you a few
questions about Arthur Kayden.
Don't tell me Art's
in trouble again.
Can I fix you boys a drink?
It's straight fruit juice.
Hope you don't mind.
No alcohol allowed around here.
No, it's just one of the hard
facts of life in the big house.
It's really not as
bad as it looks.
So tell me about Art.
Well, he kidnapped a
couple of very valuable dogs
using a few of your old tricks.
My tricks?
Hey, I'm just a simple
country boy who got
a little sloppy with
his income tax.
Uh, yeah, and I'm
the Barber of Seville.
You fellas don't think that I
had anything to do with this?
Art and I were just
doubles partners at
the tennis court here.
Well, after a tough
match, came back here
and had a few fruit juices.
Maybe chatted about
your adventures.
I got a couple
of stories to tell.
Look, I'm sorry if I
gave Artie a few ideas.
That doesn't make
me responsible.
Well, your son sold him the
van used in the job for no profit.
We owed each other a favor.
You want the same
deal I'll take care of it.
What was the favor?
Kurt was having a lot
of trouble with vandals.
Art has a friend
who trains dogs.
I got him a van at cost.
Kurt got a free guard dog
to watch the place at night.
[dog growls]
[barks]
Easy. Down, Pepper.
Hi. Can I help you?
Uh, well, I don't know.
I was sort of think about
getting the family into camping.
Well, this baby's got
every thing you need.
Camping with all
the comforts of home.
It isn't the same as when
I was a kid, you know?
I mean there's so much crime
in the camp parks these days.
I mean it's getting
to be just like the city.
Well, I understand that the park
rangers are really cracking down.
I don't know. It
just... [dog barks]
I just don't think I feel safe.
Unless I had a guard
dog along with me.
Could you tell me
where you got him?
I'll do better than
that. I'll sell him to you.
Make it a package deal.
That... That sounds wonderful.
That's, uh... This very dog?
I mean this very...
This particular...
Why? What's wrong with him?
Nothing.
We just decided to invest in
an electronic security system.
We've been having
some break-ins lately.
Found Pepper here this morning
chewing on one leg
of an old pair of jeans
and an old Marine fatigue cap
which he won't
let out of his sight.
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what.
Uh, I'll bring the family
in to met him, okay?
No, I got a better idea.
I think I'd like to
get two guard dogs.
The one for each of
the twins you know?
I mean you know how kids
are, and it's their birthday.
[chuckles]
It's no problem.
I'll send you over
to the dog trainer
who sold us Pepper.
Now, you get his best
price on the first dog
and I'll cut it in
half on this one
and then you take the camper.
You're quite a
salesman. You got a deal.
Great.
Hang on, I'll get
you his address.
Thank you.
[dog growls]
[Rick] Well, here's the wagon.
Marlowe must be in the kennel.
Let's go.
What about the power wagon?
Leave it here. We get new
tenants they can keep it.
[dog barks]
- They found us.
- Let's move it.
Hold it. Hold it.
No, we need some time. Come on.
We can always get new dogs.
Go get him!
All right, let's go. Come on.
Get out of here. Move it.
[barking dogs approach]
This is a one dog net.
[dogs bark]
Great. Now I know
how a possum feels.
A little something here I
got from Surplus Sammy.
Just in case something
like this ever happened to us.
Oh, wonderful, Rick. You brought a
transistor radio in case we ever get...
This is not a transistor radio.
It's ultrasonic rodent ridder.
It gets rid of mice in your
house with sound waves.
I don't know how to
break this to you, Rick.
- Dogs are not rodents.
- I know that.
Sammy and I
tweaked the oscillator.
We were kind of
hoping it would...
- [High pitch tone]
- [dogs whine]
Work against dogs.
[dog whines]
Here.
[engine starts]
[tires skid]
Hold it!
Put your hands
on top of your head.
Hold it! Up against the van.
Turn around. Turn around!
Grab it.
All right, where is he?
Where's my dog?
Where's the bitch?
Talk!
I don't know, he got
a way this morning.
What do you mean he got
away? You didn't see him?
Look, you got the wrong
guy. He shot your dog, not me.
You keep your mouth shut
till we get to the police station.
Otherwise, you might
not make it in one piece.
[Cecilia] No, Carlos.
No sign of either dog yet.
Oh, I hope Marlowe is all right.
Why don't you go south?
And I'm sending Surplus
Sammy west toward Kearny Mesa.
Check back with
me in 15 minutes.
No luck?
He could be anywhere by now.
We're not going to find him.
Maybe somebody picked him up.
We could put an ad in the paper
and put signs on street corners.
Perhaps somebody
picked him up, Mom,
that had taken
Marlowe to the vet
or put up signs in
one of the shelters.
Okay, Rick, let's go out again.
Come on, I got the flash lights.
You know what keeps
going through my head?
It's dumb.
[scoffs]
The way he licks my face to
wake me up in the morning.
[phone rings]
Hello. Yes, Liz.
Oh, well, backtrack
to Linda Vista.
Yes, they just
came in. Here's A.J.
Hi, babe.
No, not yet.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Um, look, Simon, I heard
what happened to your dog.
And I'm sorry.
Look, I didn't mean
what I said the other day.
I mean I did, actually,
but I didn't want any
harm to come to the dog.
Bye-bye.
Look, I thought if you let me
I could help you look for him.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Gorman, we
could use all the help we can get.
Hi.
I got a few more
volunteers for the posse.
These friends of yours?
Well, I convinced the
county stockade to lend us
a few of their
best paper pickers.
They've agreed to be
on their best behavior.
Didn't you guys?
- Sure.
- Oh, yeah.
- Right.
Don't you just love them?
- [phone rings]
- When do we get the beer?
Hello. Bruno.
Nothing in North Park?
Well, then I guess you can join
Carlos and me in the south quadrant.
I know it's dark out there,
but you'll just have
to do the best you can.
[whimpering]
We're running
out of alternatives.
Marlowe.
Never mind, they're here.
Oh, thank God.
[whining]
Nantucket.
That's my boy. That's my boy.
[dog whimpers]
A.J., get me a first
aid kit and call the vet.
You got it.
You old knucklehead.
Why did you go and
get yourself shot, huh?
Yes, yes, I'm glad
to see you too, boy.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
you are. This is a robbery.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...
It takes a thief
to catch a thief.
It takes a dog to catch
a dog or a dognapper.
[barks]
Marlow is going
undercover at a dog show?
And halt.
- It is a dog, isn't it?
- I don't know.
Hold it!
We don't have my wagon.
- We don't have my dog.
- Your hat.
I ought to kill both
dogs right now.
[barks]
Nobody has ever caught him, A.J.
That's how good he is.
- Go get him!
- [dogs bark]
[barks]
♪♪ [theme]
The setup's right.
We're going for it.
10:34, mark.
Check.
Okay, we're in at 10:40.
Get what we came for.
Out at 10:45.
Right.
But don't use these
unless it's
absolutely necessary.
All right, go around the back.
Everybody stay where you are.
Put your hands in
the air and don't move.
This is a robbery.
Do exactly as you're told,
and no one will get hurt.
You, face down on the floor.
[dogs bark]
Now, why don't you take me
to Ms. Carlisle's bitch champ?
Let's go!
[yelps]
Perhaps you misunderstood.
I said Ms. Carlisle's
bitch Nantucket.
Take a look. That's
not even a bitch.
You just come here.
Come on.
[dogs bark]
Huh, now that's a champion.
Open it up, let's go.
Hurry up.
Come on, baby. Come to Daddy.
Say bye-bye.
Arlenson?
Soon as we get
back, she gets clipped.
Lose that show quality.
Make her look
like any other pet.
All right, let's go.
[engine starts]
[Announcer] So the Lakers and
the Sixers both showing a little bit
of the pressure that
exists here at this spectrum.
Now here's the ball
to Jamaal Wilkes.
Wilkes likes to put
up that 20 foot lay-up
as Chick calls it. But he goes to
the dribble drive along the baseline.
He rams into a defender
and it's called charging.
Charging? You're nuts! Charging.
[Announcer] The
76ers with possession.
♪♪ [Mozart]
Floyd 3, he can put
it up... ♪♪ [Mozart]
Stolen, a great
defensive play by Nixon.
Nixon to Hudson... ♪♪ [Mozart]
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a great NBA contest
Let's do some defense! Defense!
As the 76ers doing a
little bit of a weave outside.
They get it to number 6, Dr. J.
Julies Irving passes
down the middle.
- [doorbell rings]
- A.J., door.
Intercept by Kareem
Abdul Jabbar.
He throws to mid
court to Hudson.
Hudson further down
the floor than Nixon.
He's got a lay-up.
Hey, door.
A beautiful play.
The Lakers still trail...
- What?
- Answer the door!
Why should I answer?
Why can't you answer?
Because I am watching
history in the making here.
Would you just go get the door?
History until the
game of next week.
- [doorbell rings]
- Get the door.
And they call goal tending.
Goal tending!
- It's goal tending.
- It was not goal tending.
The ball has got to be
coming down for it to become...
The ball was still
on an upward arc.
It was not goal tending.
[doorbell rings]
Hi, Mr. Gorman.
- Simon.
- [Marlowe whines]
I've had it with this dog.
Uh, Rick?
Do you know how long it
takes for asparagus to come up?
Three years. Three
years I've waited
for my asparagus to come up,
and your dog
decided to tear it all up
just so he can bury these!
Those are my slippers. Rick!
Simon, I've been a lifelong
member of the Humane Society.
Animal rights groups.
Not anymore.
[barks]
This dog is the most
worthless beast in
the animal kingdom.
Next to my brother,
Mr. Gorman, next to my brother.
I'm... I'm sorry about...
My poor asparagus.
Sorry.
Well, A.J., it's asparagus.
I'll get him a package
of frozen asparagus.
I'll get you a package
of frozen slippers.
Come on, Marlowe.
[clicks] Come on.
Kill, Marlowe.
[clicks]
Come here.
Oh, yes. What a good dog.
[A.J.] She must be
quite a champion
to warrant this kind of
ransom demand, Ms. Carlisle.
[Ms. Carlisle] Nantucket's
won four consecutive
Westminster championships.
She was virtually
guaranteed Best In Show
at Del Mar tomorrow.
You don't seriously believe
that a jealous dog
owner did this?
Mr. Simon, the road
to the blue ribbon
is littered with broken hearts.
Well, the guy sure
knew about dogs.
When they tried to
give him the male,
he said, "No, I
don't want the dog.
"I want the bitch." He
knew the right terminology.
Come on, this has all
the earmarks of a pro.
The guy didn't leave
anything traceable behind.
- He knows a lot more
than just dogs.
- Yeah.
The police and I have
a difference of opinion.
They don't think I
should pay the ransom.
They don't seem to understand
the value of a champion.
Ms. Carlisle, if you want us
to help you pay the
ransom, we certainty will,
but the police are right.
I mean, just paying him $50,000
doesn't guarantee you're
going to get the dog back.
They told me he
might kill her anyway.
My father gave Nantucket to me
for my 25th birthday.
We had a wonderful party.
Lot of my friends were there.
It was the last time
I was ever lonely.
I know how you
feel. I got a dog, too.
I have to pay.
Well, we'll do everything we can
to get her back to you safely.
Hey, Town.
Hey, can't a guy have lunch?
Whoa.
Hey, I swear I'll
file charges on you.
Can you believe this
dog's sense of smell?
I'm telling you, A.J.,
it's going to work.
He's gonna help
us crack this case.
Or find a delicatessen.
One or the other.
With all due
respect to Marlowe...
Wait. There is no
respect due Marlowe.
[barks]
Easy, boy.
Come on it takes a
thief to catch a thief.
It takes a dog to catch
a dog or a dognapper
Where's the evidence
you got from the groomer?
I got it. There you go, boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good boy.
Yeah, we were just
over at Beth Carlisle's,
and he got to sniff all of Nantucket's
toys and blankets and stuff.
Where do you hope
to pick up the scent?
Well, our guy's a dog fancier.
We figure he'll be at
the show tomorrow.
I'm gonna go with Beth
and the groomer from
the Royal Pet Products.
Yeah, Marlowe is gonna
go with me undercover.
[barks]
Marlowe is going
undercover at the dog show?
Then he's gonna pose as a dog.
[snickers]
Oh, Rick, I can't
go through with this.
Come on, A.J., Marlowe
is a trained sniffer.
You remember I worked with
him myself for a whole week.
With hamburger. Any
dog can smell hamburger.
That's not true. It took
him two or three tries,
but he finally
got the hang of it.
Rick, they only allow
registered breeds in a dog show.
Sit.
A lot of them are champions.
I mean, the only claim
to fame Marlowe has
is he chased a mailman
up a telephone pole.
Kept him there
for five hours, too.
Yeah, but he won't
get in that dog show.
Trust me. It's all take care of.
[clicks]
Sure we're in the right place?
Yep.
You wrote it down?
Ricky, how could you
do that? That's evidence.
You've been around long enough.
Reno, where have you been?
We have been waiting
here for an hour and a half.
Well, I put together some back
up documents just to be safe.
All we needed was a pass
to get Marlowe into the arena.
We're dealing with the AKC here.
I have a reputation to protect.
Nowadays, any bimbo
with a home copier
thinks he's an
expert... Okay, okay.
Name... Simon C. Marlowe.
Bred Anatolian Shepherd?
What's an Anatolian
Shepherd look like?
Marlowe.
Hurtles champion, Atlanta, 1982.
Good boy.
Sire... - Sire...
- Lord Buckley.
Mm-hmm.
Well, Marlowe
must be the skeleton
in Lord Buckley's closet.
[Announcer] Thank you,
please return to your dogs.
[Announcer] Thank you very much.
The next exercise
will begin immediately.
You're our best bet, Tina.
You're the only one who's gotten
a good look at our dognapper.
Yeah, but I really
didn't see that much.
I mean he was wearing a mask.
Probably saw more
than you realize.
As a groomer, you've had a lot of
experience working with appearance.
There you go, yeah.
Think of him as a dog.
Try to describe him.
His eyes had a definite
Doberman quality.
Only they were blue.
That's a help.
Very fast gait.
Good reach and drive
like an Afghan or
a German Shepard.
Uh, Tina.
How is he built?
[Announcer] Number 146...
Very well sprung in the chest.
Okay, we're looking for a cross
between Rin Tin
Tin and my brother.
Get over here. Sit down.
Sit.
- Sit.
- [whimpers]
Would you sit down?
Good boy.
Hi.
What an unusual thing?
I don't think we've
seen you before
on the local dog
circuit, have we?
No, probable not. We've
been in the Big Apple
training for the main event
at Madison Square Garden.
I'll bet you were
the toast of the town.
[Announcer] Number
147 to ring, please.
Number 147 to ring.
Pay attention here.
This is just like the
hamburger game, all right?
You keep your nose on business.
[Announcer] Last
call, number 147.
Excuse me, he's
about to default.
Say what?
You're 147.
Oh, well, I guess
it's too late now, huh?
No, no, Herbert? Herbert, here.
- It's 147 - 147, you're up.
Okay, Marlowe,
every mutt that ever wanted a
shot at the title is pulling for you, pal.
Let's go. Come on.
Come on.
This is the heeling
off leash exercise.
Do you have any questions?
No. Come here.
You got an eating competition?
Come here. Turn around.
- Soon as you're ready, sir.
- Okay.
- Could I help you...
- Come on, Marlowe. Come on, Marlowe.
- Uh, forward.
- Yeah.
Forward heel.
Come on.
Herbert, it is a dog, isn't it?
I don't know.
Right turn.
Right turn.
Slow.
And halt.
Exercised finished.
Did very well, whatever it is.
Nice going, boy.
[growls]
Thank you very much. Next dog.
That's a way to show
them. Let's go now.
Marlowe, come on, get up.
[Announcer] Number 148 next.
Marlowe, come on.
Hey. [whistles]
Come on, Marlow, get up.
This exercise is finished, sir.
Can you just move right
along to retrieve him now?
- [barks]
- Now, you be quite.
Easy, come on, let's go.
Could you, um, move it along?
Sometimes he just likes to
have his tummy scratched
after a workout, you know, so...
[crowd laughs]
Come on, fetch.
Doggy biscuit, Marlowe.
[Announcer]
Please clear the rink.
Uh, come? Marlowe, give me
a break here would you please?
Come on. All right, come on.
Good boy. Good boy.
Marlowe? Marlowe.
[Announcer] Number 148, please.
Well, my boy went
the distance out there.
Showed a lot of
heart in the ring.
Yeah.
He's not winning
any merit badges
in the sniffing
depart though he is?
Well, maybe the
guy didn't show up.
Just gonna have to wait and
try to pick up some more leads
when ransom
instructions come in.
Yeah.
I say we give it one more
time around the arena.
Could you control
your dog, mister?
I'm sorry. Marlowe.
Sorry.
I think I've been
spotted, come on.
Mr. Simon, that voice. That man.
Come on.
Okay, uh, we'll follow
in the power wagon.
You take the clown,
and we'll call you
as soon as we can.
[dogs bark]
- Oh, put your feet up. Put your feet up.
- That a boy.
[struggling]
Okay, good baby.
Get in there.
License 1Q67331.
Come on.
Can you read the dealership?
Yeah, Curt Miller RVs, La Jolla.
[barks]
We can't just let
them sit on us like this.
I'll get a little ways ahead
and pull over around the bend.
Hold it!
You heard the man.
Don't even think about it.
Throw your guns right over here.
Now, come on. I know
you love your dog.
You, too.
Fine.
Have the keys, please?
They're in it.
You boys want to get
against the tree for me?
Come on. Come on.
Back to back, if you don't mind.
That's good. I like that.
[engine starts]
Thanks for the ride, Mom.
It's all right, boys.
[ringing]
Nixon, let me talk to Town.
A haircut? You know where?
Well, find him, man,
Tell him I got a
serious crisis here.
I'm on my way
down there right now.
All right, Rick.
Now, let's wait a minute.
Let's examine what we got here.
Let's examine
what we don't have.
We don't have my wagon.
We don't have my dog.
Your hat.
Oh, geez, my hat
was in there, too.
Must have another
hat some where.
No, he traded one to Bruno
for Councilman Frank's
unlisted phone number.
And then...
the other one went up in flames
the night Carlos carried
the Olympic torch.
He hasn't changed a bit.
It was the same with Maxine.
Maxine?
His goldfish.
She died when
he was 6 years old.
I told him Maxine was swimming
up a beautiful river to heaven.
So he went off looking for
her and we finally found him
searching the swamp
behind the Krellmens' house.
[phone rings]
Hello. A.J. Simon.
I ought to kill both
dogs right now.
Well wait, uh... Look, Ms. Carlisle
has agreed to pay the $50,000.
No, no, those are the old terms.
It's 75 now.
[A.J.] 75?
And that's what your
interference is gonna cost.
We're not gonna pay a
dime until I hear his voice.
I want to make
sure he's all right.
Listen, from now on
it's your responsibility.
Anything else goes wrong,
and your dog dies first.
[Man] Now, you tell Ms.
Carlisle to be at the phone booth
at the golf driving
range in Balboa Park
tomorrow 5 p.m.
alone with the money.
Do not include a transmitter.
That is if you ever want to
see these dogs alive again.
Why don't you say
goodbye to your doggy?
Marlowe?
[barks]
[Marlowe barks]
Marlowe?
[chuckles]
Can't ask Beth to come
up with another 25,000.
Where am I gonna
get that kind of money?
I'll get it.
I can help.
Now look, I know I gripe
about the hair on the furniture.
The flees. The mud
that he tracks in.
Look, I can say a lot worse
about you in fact I usually do.
The point is we all walked
a lot of miles together
and Marlowe's part of the team.
He's part of the family.
[dogs bark]
[whines]
No.
Look, just hold the
shift on overtime.
Of course it's important.
Well, I don't have
the details right now.
It's a serious crisis.
Yeah, that's what he said.
And he's on his
way down right now.
No, go away. Whatever it is,
we don't have time for it right now.
But, Town.
Don't "But, Town" me.
Chief Marko has a series crisis.
He'll be down any minute. Out.
But, Town.
We agreed we
weren't gonna say that.
Chief Marko's series crisis,
did you get that message
from Nixon by any chance?
Yeah, he said that the chief...
How'd you know that?
You?
You called?
It was you and not the chief?
I thought he knew my voice.
Nixon!
What's up, Lieutenant?
A little closer, please.
Yes, sir.
Page 1 of the training manual,
find out who called first.
- Yes, sir.
- Would you be so kind
as to release the shift
and take the
SWAT team off alert.
Be my pleasure, sir.
Wait a minute.
I still got a
serious crisis here.
Somebody stole my dog.
Well... I've got 40
officers on overtime.
Heavy weapons
and ammo distributed.
And look at this haircut.
[snickers]
Hmm.
Look, I'm sorry about Marlowe.
Why are you wearing that?
Oh, along with the
wagon they stole my hat.
Sounds like a personal
vendetta against Rick Simon.
We got close to the
Carlisle dognappers.
They took Marlowe as a hostage.
Got the license plates.
It's a blue Chevy van.
Bought it at Miller
RVs up in La Jolla.
Run it through computer for us?
Yeah.
You holding up okay?
Yeah, yeah.
There's gonna be a ransom
exchange tomorrow afternoon at 5.
You know I'll be
there to back you up?
Let's try it one more time.
Here, come on.
Come on.
Good boy. Sit.
Sit.
[dog growls]
Get him.
[laughs]
Okay, sit down. Sit down.
All right.
Heel. Come on. Heel.
Good boy. Good boy.
Yes, sit.
He's gonna be a good one.
Come on. Come on.
All right, get in there.
Okay.
All right.
When do you want me
to get rid of those two?
[barks]
Not until we get the money.
[barks]
Arthur Kayden, are you
sure you got the right name?
That's what the police
computer told us.
Well, I checked.
Can't find any sales we saved
to anybody named Kayden.
It must have been
misfiled or something.
Yeah.
Perhaps Motor Vehicles
has an address for your guy.
Oh, they do in Oceanside.
My partner checked
it out this morning.
Kayden's not there anymore.
The receipt turns
up, I'll let you know.
Who's that you're talking to?
Um, Kurt Miller, the owner.
And he doesn't remember selling
a blue van to this Arthur Kayden?
Mister, you're tiptoeing
around crimes like extortion,
grand theft auto,
grand theft dog.
You withhold information you
could be looking at accessory charge.
Look, I'm just doing my job.
You could just be doing time.
Look, I've got a wife and kids.
Now, if I could
help you I would.
I can't.
They could be doing time, too.
Hey.
Pretty smart little dog
here for a half breed.
It's too bad. We were
just coming to feed you.
Come on. Come on.
All right, come on. Come on.
Sit. Sit.
Why don't you get
out of here, huh?
This is concrete.
Let's go.
[dog whines]
[barks]
[phone rings]
This is Beth Carlisle.
[Kayden] You have the money?
[Carlisle] Yes, but
I get the dogs first.
Bet your two detective friends
told you to say that, huh?
[Kayden] Are they with you?
No, I'm alone.
Ms. Carlisle, I don't believe
you're dealing in
good faith here.
Now, I'm going to give you
one more chance to
save Nantucket's life.
You got five minutes to be at the
phone booth at 26th and Pershing.
That's at the other
end of the park.
I can't get there
in five minutes.
Four minutes and forty seconds.
It'll ring three times before
I hang up and call it a day.
And come alone.
You're being watched.
[Carlisle] I don't know
how much you heard.
He thinks you're with me. He
said I'm not acting in good faith.
He said I got five minutes
to get to the phone booth
at the corner of 26 and Pershing
[A.J.] All he's trying to do is
make surveillance difficult for us.
It's a standard ploy
in ransom payoffs.
He also said some
one's watching.
[Rick] No, I don't buy
that. At least not right here.
But we'll stay well back
out of sight this time.
[A.J.] Town, do you copy this?
10-4, I just got a call from
the station about Kayden.
He's got a record.
[Town] He pulled some soft time
at the federal pen for fraud.
[engine starts]
[phone rings]
Yes.
- Ms. Carlisle?
- Yes.
You have five minutes
to get to the phone booth
at the refreshment stand
behind the Museum of Man.
- Wait...
- [dial tone]
The refreshment stand
behind the Museum of Man.
[Rick] We're right
behind you, Ms. Carlisle.
You're doing just fine.
[phone rings]
I'm here.
For a minute there, I didn't
think you were going to make it.
[Kayden] Are you
alone this time?
Yes.
You sure?
Damn it!
Do you want the money or not?
Don't threaten me.
You've gone too much
trouble to call this off now.
How very spunky of
you. Just like your bitch.
[Kayden] All right, Ms. Carlisle,
walk south on the dirt road.
In five minutes you'll see
a barrier crossing the road.
Walk around it until
you reach a deep gully.
Throw the bag into the gully.
[Kayden] Do you understand?
Walk south for five minutes.
Pass the barrier to the gully.
Throw the bag in the gully.
What about the dogs?
When I have the money
I'll tell you where
you can find the dogs.
He said he won't
release the dogs
till he has the money.
We got to cut the overpass.
Try and get into
some kind of position.
Town, do you copy about?
10-4, we better get a move on.
We only got a half
hour of daylight left.
[Town] It'll be hard
to tail him in the dark.
Let's go, guys.
I'm approaching the paved road.
I'm about three minutes
from the barricade.
We're coming in from the south.
We do not have
visual contact, yet.
All right, Town,
we're at the barricade
about a minute in front of Beth.
I just past the barricade.
What the...
Damn.
Forget it. We'll never
find him in there.
- We got to track him.
- Track him?
Track him.
It's going to be
dark in 10 minutes.
I'll have to find him
in seven. Come on.
We'll send scouts
for you in the morning.
[footsteps approach]
[dog growls]
[dog struggles]
Even the great Indian
scouts wouldn't try and track
a dog by moonlight
through poison oak.
You go where
the trail leads you.
Yeah well, your trail lead us
within 200 yards of
angry mama coyote.
Well, the tracks were pretty
much the same in the dark.
What are you doing?
I just wanted to
check in with Beth.
I already woke her up once.
If Kayden calls, she'll
leave a message for us.
Well, if he hasn't
called already.
Rick, we will find him.
There's got to be something
about Kayden in here.
I don't care what
the manager said.
Aha.
Got a blue van here.
Yeah, this is it.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Expect, boy, he got a good deal.
Got an incredible deal. Miller
couldn't have made a dime on this.
"Per Dorian."
What does that mean, per Dorian?
Dorian, Dorian.
Dorian Miller, of course.
Who's Dorian Miller of course?
Dorian Miller of course is
the man of a thousand heists.
He's legendary, A.J.
If he's legendary, how
come I never heard of him?
See what I mean?
No.
I mean, the guy can't be
legendary and anonymous
at the same time.
Nobody has ever caught him, A.J.
That's how good he is.
Kurt Miller must be his son.
And you think Dorian Miller
is the brains behind
the dognapping?
- No.
- Why not?
Because he's in the joint.
You just said he
never been caught.
Nobody has ever...
All right, IRS got him
on some tax technicality,
but that doesn't count.
Uh, income tax. That
means federal pen.
Usually.
Just like Arthur Kayden.
You don't suppose
they ever shared a cell?
It's worth looking into.
[growls]
Got another one of those nets?
[dogs bark]
This isn't even gonna hurt.
[growls]
[dog yelps]
Our tax dollars at work.
Don't have any
trouble with breakouts.
Break-ins, maybe.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
We're here to see
one of your inmates.
One of our guests.
"Inmates" has such
negative connotations.
Yeah, might think you are
in a prison or something.
Uh, we're here to
see Dorian Miller.
Yes, of course.
I think he's playing in
the annual Watergate
Celebrity Golf
Tournament this morning.
Sorry. My mistake. He
doesn't tee off until 1.
Ah.
So you'll probably be able
to find him in the health
club down the corner.
Go right in.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Hi, Senator, we've
been expecting you.
Whatever happened to talking
between a glass
partition over a telephone?
Guards with Tommy guns?
Must of needed space
for a racket ball court.
Thank you.
Would you look at this?
This is nicer than
my health club.
Dorian Miller?
That's right.
Hi. Rick Simon.
It's my brother A.J.
- How do you do?
- How are you?
We're private investigators.
We would like to ask you a few
questions about Arthur Kayden.
Don't tell me Art's
in trouble again.
Can I fix you boys a drink?
It's straight fruit juice.
Hope you don't mind.
No alcohol allowed around here.
No, it's just one of the hard
facts of life in the big house.
It's really not as
bad as it looks.
So tell me about Art.
Well, he kidnapped a
couple of very valuable dogs
using a few of your old tricks.
My tricks?
Hey, I'm just a simple
country boy who got
a little sloppy with
his income tax.
Uh, yeah, and I'm
the Barber of Seville.
You fellas don't think that I
had anything to do with this?
Art and I were just
doubles partners at
the tennis court here.
Well, after a tough
match, came back here
and had a few fruit juices.
Maybe chatted about
your adventures.
I got a couple
of stories to tell.
Look, I'm sorry if I
gave Artie a few ideas.
That doesn't make
me responsible.
Well, your son sold him the
van used in the job for no profit.
We owed each other a favor.
You want the same
deal I'll take care of it.
What was the favor?
Kurt was having a lot
of trouble with vandals.
Art has a friend
who trains dogs.
I got him a van at cost.
Kurt got a free guard dog
to watch the place at night.
[dog growls]
[barks]
Easy. Down, Pepper.
Hi. Can I help you?
Uh, well, I don't know.
I was sort of think about
getting the family into camping.
Well, this baby's got
every thing you need.
Camping with all
the comforts of home.
It isn't the same as when
I was a kid, you know?
I mean there's so much crime
in the camp parks these days.
I mean it's getting
to be just like the city.
Well, I understand that the park
rangers are really cracking down.
I don't know. It
just... [dog barks]
I just don't think I feel safe.
Unless I had a guard
dog along with me.
Could you tell me
where you got him?
I'll do better than
that. I'll sell him to you.
Make it a package deal.
That... That sounds wonderful.
That's, uh... This very dog?
I mean this very...
This particular...
Why? What's wrong with him?
Nothing.
We just decided to invest in
an electronic security system.
We've been having
some break-ins lately.
Found Pepper here this morning
chewing on one leg
of an old pair of jeans
and an old Marine fatigue cap
which he won't
let out of his sight.
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what.
Uh, I'll bring the family
in to met him, okay?
No, I got a better idea.
I think I'd like to
get two guard dogs.
The one for each of
the twins you know?
I mean you know how kids
are, and it's their birthday.
[chuckles]
It's no problem.
I'll send you over
to the dog trainer
who sold us Pepper.
Now, you get his best
price on the first dog
and I'll cut it in
half on this one
and then you take the camper.
You're quite a
salesman. You got a deal.
Great.
Hang on, I'll get
you his address.
Thank you.
[dog growls]
[Rick] Well, here's the wagon.
Marlowe must be in the kennel.
Let's go.
What about the power wagon?
Leave it here. We get new
tenants they can keep it.
[dog barks]
- They found us.
- Let's move it.
Hold it. Hold it.
No, we need some time. Come on.
We can always get new dogs.
Go get him!
All right, let's go. Come on.
Get out of here. Move it.
[barking dogs approach]
This is a one dog net.
[dogs bark]
Great. Now I know
how a possum feels.
A little something here I
got from Surplus Sammy.
Just in case something
like this ever happened to us.
Oh, wonderful, Rick. You brought a
transistor radio in case we ever get...
This is not a transistor radio.
It's ultrasonic rodent ridder.
It gets rid of mice in your
house with sound waves.
I don't know how to
break this to you, Rick.
- Dogs are not rodents.
- I know that.
Sammy and I
tweaked the oscillator.
We were kind of
hoping it would...
- [High pitch tone]
- [dogs whine]
Work against dogs.
[dog whines]
Here.
[engine starts]
[tires skid]
Hold it!
Put your hands
on top of your head.
Hold it! Up against the van.
Turn around. Turn around!
Grab it.
All right, where is he?
Where's my dog?
Where's the bitch?
Talk!
I don't know, he got
a way this morning.
What do you mean he got
away? You didn't see him?
Look, you got the wrong
guy. He shot your dog, not me.
You keep your mouth shut
till we get to the police station.
Otherwise, you might
not make it in one piece.
[Cecilia] No, Carlos.
No sign of either dog yet.
Oh, I hope Marlowe is all right.
Why don't you go south?
And I'm sending Surplus
Sammy west toward Kearny Mesa.
Check back with
me in 15 minutes.
No luck?
He could be anywhere by now.
We're not going to find him.
Maybe somebody picked him up.
We could put an ad in the paper
and put signs on street corners.
Perhaps somebody
picked him up, Mom,
that had taken
Marlowe to the vet
or put up signs in
one of the shelters.
Okay, Rick, let's go out again.
Come on, I got the flash lights.
You know what keeps
going through my head?
It's dumb.
[scoffs]
The way he licks my face to
wake me up in the morning.
[phone rings]
Hello. Yes, Liz.
Oh, well, backtrack
to Linda Vista.
Yes, they just
came in. Here's A.J.
Hi, babe.
No, not yet.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Um, look, Simon, I heard
what happened to your dog.
And I'm sorry.
Look, I didn't mean
what I said the other day.
I mean I did, actually,
but I didn't want any
harm to come to the dog.
Bye-bye.
Look, I thought if you let me
I could help you look for him.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Gorman, we
could use all the help we can get.
Hi.
I got a few more
volunteers for the posse.
These friends of yours?
Well, I convinced the
county stockade to lend us
a few of their
best paper pickers.
They've agreed to be
on their best behavior.
Didn't you guys?
- Sure.
- Oh, yeah.
- Right.
Don't you just love them?
- [phone rings]
- When do we get the beer?
Hello. Bruno.
Nothing in North Park?
Well, then I guess you can join
Carlos and me in the south quadrant.
I know it's dark out there,
but you'll just have
to do the best you can.
[whimpering]
We're running
out of alternatives.
Marlowe.
Never mind, they're here.
Oh, thank God.
[whining]
Nantucket.
That's my boy. That's my boy.
[dog whimpers]
A.J., get me a first
aid kit and call the vet.
You got it.
You old knucklehead.
Why did you go and
get yourself shot, huh?
Yes, yes, I'm glad
to see you too, boy.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA