Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 20 - Mummy Talks - full transcript
Liz gave those to me.
They are designer sheets.
That explains it. Nobody
could sleep on this.
[hisses]
I found the mummy.
Vishnu.
I feel this person is beyond
my humble talents to revive.
I wouldn't feel bad, Raj. He's
been like that for some time.
- This is Akhenaten.
- Akhenaten?
King Tutankhamen's brother.
You guys want to
drop the hieroglyphics
and tell me what's
going on here?
It's bleeding.
Oh, my God.
♪♪ [theme]
[clock chimes]
Welcome, welcome to the
museum, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't forget, we're hoping
for your generous contribution.
You know, the way
you read these costumes
is to assume that there is a deep
psychopathology at work here.
- No comment.
- No, really.
What these people
are trying to say is
"This is what I
really want to be."
Leo, here, for instance.
What do you think?
Gray. Retired. Never
seen a real lion on his feet.
Try again.
What about her?
Single. Head of a
multi-national corporation.
Rick, aren't those...
Aren't those my sheets?
Ah, sheets? Found these
in the back of the closet.
Figured it was a drop cloth.
Rick, Liz gave those to me.
They are designer sheets.
That explains it. Nobody
could sleep on this.
What do you think
of that guy over here?
Snake oil salesman, like you.
Be nice. That's Duncan
Wells, the curator.
If it weren't for him, we
wouldn't be here tonight.
Wrong, Mom. If it weren't for
you, we wouldn't be here tonight.
It's a good cause.
Mr. Wells works like a demon
to raise money to make
this a first-class museum.
He deserves our support.
Yes, he does.
Besides, I think it's a small
effort for what I'm paying you.
- Paying us?
- I'll explain later.
It's just operational expenses.
Excuse me.
Well, please enjoy yourselves.
If you'll excuse me?
Good evening, Mr. Wells.
Mrs. Simon, how
good of you to come.
Ah, but who are these
two charming gentlemen?
I think I recognize the Count.
But what are you? A Roman
senator or a head of lettuce?
A Caesar salad.
Didn't have much time
to work on my costume,
so I just sort of
tossed this together.
That's good. That's very good.
Wells, shouldn't we begin?
Oh, yes, of course, sir.
Of course. Will you excuse me?
Certainly.
See what I mean?
The man doesn't have
a minute to himself.
Who's the penguin
calling his tune?
Lewis Borin.
He's the museum's
biggest patron.
I don't like the man.
Oh, there's Lisa.
You held our mother up
for a bribe to get you here?
Not me. Us.
Besides, it's an advance.
We got a client she
wants us to meet.
That's even worse. Since when
is our mom fronting for our clients?
I don't think this one
knows she's a client yet.
Lisa Brooks, this
is Rick and A.J.
Lisa's a student trainee here.
I'm A.J.
Rick.
My sons are
private investigators.
So, Mom, you think
maybe we could help Lisa?
Well, perhaps you could.
I hadn't thought of that.
My boys are very good
at what they do, Lisa.
Discreet. Maybe they can
help you with... You know.
Um, we shouldn't
really talk about it.
Come on, Lisa. Whatever it
is, we've been there before.
We're usually told
where we're going first.
Look, I know it can be very
difficult talking about your problems.
Why don't you
just bounce it off us,
see if there's
anything we can do?
Isn't this a lucky day?
I've only been working
here about three months.
I'm starting my
third term at UCSD.
I'm doing a full term
of field experience.
Archaeology?
With a concentration
on Egyptology.
And I'm one of the lucky ones.
Most kids don't get into
a museum so soon, ever.
Why do you think
the curator is stealing?
- What's his name, Wells?
- Duncan Wells.
I don't know that it's
him, but somebody is.
And the way he acted
when I told him about it,
I thought I'd be out on
my ear. I may still be.
He's threatened to have me fired
if I say anything about
the missing inventory.
He even said he'd blacklist me.
I would never work.
Touchy guy. How
does he explain it?
According to him,
it's my mistake.
I admit, the store's
inventory is a joke.
That's why I made a new one.
I believe there are hundreds
of Egyptian relics missing,
and I'm not the only one.
Is there someone here
who'll back you up?
Roger Jordan. He's the
resident jack-of-all-trades.
No degree, but a
wonderful man, really.
He knows everything.
So why doesn't he expose Wells?
Likes his job.
And with no degree, he'd
have even more trouble
finding a new one than I would.
So what it boils down to
is your word against Wells'.
Yeah. And believe
me, I'm no crusader.
I'd probably forget
the whole thing.
My career is more important.
Until I found the mummy.
[no audible dialogue]
All right, let's see...
I was looking for
the statue of Isis.
- It's one of the missing items.
- Don't touch it.
This crate wasn't
here two hours ago.
Nobody knows it's here but me.
I mean, somebody does,
but I don't know who.
Could it have been in a
different part of the museum?
You know, moved?
Part of an old exhibit?
Not a chance.
This is an Egyptian pharaoh.
The cartouche surrounds
the hieroglyphics for king.
So like Tutankhamen?
With one difference...
Nobody knows that this one
has ever been discovered.
Royal mummies are too rare
for one to be found
and not reported.
I mean, there has been no word
in any archaeological
press. No rumors.
If this mummy's tomb were
found on an authorized dig,
we would have heard about it,
no matter what the
political situation is in Egypt.
Maybe it was found
on an unauthorized dig,
and smuggled
privately out of Egypt...
For a lot of money.
That's what I've been thinking.
You don't need us.
There must be a dozen
international agencies
that could jump on this with both
feet. All you got to do is tell them
you got old what's-his-name
in the basement.
That's one of the problems. I
don't know what his name is.
I need time to study the
hieroglyphics, the linen.
Then someone would see me.
I was hoping you
would know what to do.
Oh, no. Forget it.
Forget it, I'm serious, Rick.
We're not waltzing out of here
with a 4,000-year-old Egyptian king.
[A.J. whispers] This is crazy.
Of course it's crazy, but the only
other choice is to call the cops.
No.
Look, A.J., this is the only way
she's going to get a
chance to examine this guy
and figure out who he is, right?
Right?
Yes.
You're sure Wells never
comes down here on weekends?
I've never seen him, and I'm
usually here doing something.
Students don't get any time off.
A.J., we have 48 hours. It's
going to be fine. Come on.
Be careful with him.
He's about as dead
as he's going to get.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
I have just been given
some very sad news.
J.M. Gerlack
passed away tonight.
[crowd murmurs]
Apparently, there was
some sort of robbery.
I don't have all the details.
J.M. was a good friend
of the San Diego Museum
of Science and Anthropology.
He had an infectious
enthusiasm for Egyptology,
and it is sad to think that now,
when he cannot be with us,
I am finally able
to announce to you
that we have found the funding
for the new Egyptian wing.
If J.M. were here, he
would ask you, as I do now,
to welcome the man who
has so generously offered
to underwrite the Egyptian wing,
the respected financier and
philanthropist, Mr. Lewis Borin.
[Man] I share your loss...
[A.J.] Jerry, don't throw up.
Come on, cut it out.
[A.J.] It's going
to be all right.
Can't take some
people out, you know?
- Nice party.
- Great party.
This is getting to
be a real problem.
You're making Esther crazy.
I wouldn't blame her a bit if
she just checked out on you.
That's the door
to the parking lot.
Okay, Jerry, let's go.
Get some fresh air in here.
Stop talking to it now, Rick.
Lisa?
Roger, why aren't
you at the party?
This is the guy I was telling
you about, Roger Jordan.
These are friends of mine.
A.J., Rick, and,
um, Jerry Simon.
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm A.J.
Jerry's feeling a little
under the weather right now.
Nice to meet you.
I was down there for a while,
but Wells is making speeches,
and I've got some work to do.
I'd say your friend
is feeling worse
than a little under the weather.
Ahem.
What's going on, Lisa?
Okay, look.
Lisa's told us that
you're a very reliable guy.
We just need you to look the other
way. You don't have to get involved.
My God.
This is 18th dynasty.
It's Theban.
She found it in the lock-up,
so you can see we
had to do something.
I haven't done the
fine translation yet,
but the royal
cartouche is there,
and the inverted moon.
This is amazing. This is an
unknown pharaoh, and we have it.
But how? Wells?
We'll give you all
the answers later,
but first we got to get
this thing out of here.
Why? Where are
you going with it?
Lisa needs time
to translate the...
What do you call it?
What's your interest?
We're private investigators.
We were hired by Lisa.
I forgot about this
alarm. Is this set?
Yes, I set it.
I do a little of
everything around here.
Listen, there's going to be a lot
of hell to pay on this, on all sides.
We'll keep you out of it.
No, I think it's
time I got in on it.
Duncan Wells has ruled the
roost around here for too long.
Man's a penny-ante
social climber.
And to think he got
his hands on this.
Good luck.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Jerry's feeling a little
under the weather.
You may want to sit up here
in the front with me, Cecilia.
Don't know how you can
do this to yourself, Jerry.
Years of abuse like that.
I've seen what that
does to your liver, mister.
One of these days, it's
going to plain conk out on you.
I think it already has.
His liver's hard as a carp.
Listen, Mom, don't get
too attached to Jerry.
He's not really drunk, he's...
A mummy. Yeah, I know that.
Remember, I got you the case.
Yes, you did, and we
certainly appreciate it.
[knocking at door]
I assume you've heard
about Gerlack's death?
Yes.
What do you know about
his mummy being stolen?
Nothing. I didn't
know it had been.
Well, someone broke
into his crypt. It's missing.
There are very few
candidates for that sort of crime.
You're one of them.
It wasn't me.
If you've gone into
business for yourself,
you'll live to regret it.
I'm warning you.
[A.J.] There's Anubis.
[Lisa] And there's
Thoth, holding the heart.
This is Osiris here, right?
Yes, he's the god of the dead.
Having fun?
Yeah.
This is fascinating.
Here's a guy that...
His family put him away
3,000 or 4,000 years ago,
thinking that
was going to be it,
and now he's lying on our sofa.
A man from a time
when most Europeans
were just crawling
out of their caves.
This is a common glyph on
the temple of Ramses at Karnak.
I don't believe it.
There... No, there cannot
be a mistake. This...
This is Akhenaten.
- Akhenaten?
- Akhenaten?
Akhenaten!
He's Queen Nefertiti's husband.
King Tutankhamen's brother.
He had a very distinctive face.
See how long it is?
Yeah, but a lot of
people have long faces.
No, this is the clincher.
It's the symbol of Aten.
Up until the time of
Akhenaten, about 1350 B.C.,
the Egyptians
worshipped many gods.
He made everyone
worship Aten, the sun disc.
That's it.
Tell me one thing now.
Could this be from, like, a
Hollywood prop house or something,
or is it really a...
No, the linen is very old,
and the weave is
right for the time.
There are traces of resin,
and more important, natron.
It's a kind of salt
found only in Cairo.
It's what they
use to dry it out.
I thought you said you
didn't have time to test this.
Well, it wasn't
much of a test, really.
I tasted the linen.
No, but you can tell.
This has got to be him.
Okay, fine.
But why does Wells have this
thing down in his basement?
Let's think about
the missing artifacts.
Could Wells be dealing
in the black market?
There are private collectors.
Relics, scrolls,
that type of thing.
But not this. This is a
mummy. This is too fabulous.
If it really is Akhenaten.
There's only one way to tell.
There are amulets
in the wrappings.
Are you crazy?
You can't unwrap this
thing without destroying it.
Okay.
We can check it out
without destroying it.
Isn't Captain Midnight
pulling duty this weekend?
We're going to take this
gentleman down to county general.
Just stay here.
Ah, Ricky.
Hi, Raj. How's business?
Loud. Otherwise, very peaceful.
Except for the overturned bus,
but that is history.
A.J., you look
remarkably healthy.
What is the problem?
Something internal?
No. As a matter of fact,
it's neither of us tonight.
Vishnu.
I fear this person is beyond
my humble talents to revive.
I wouldn't feel bad, Raj.
He's been like
that for some time.
It's a mummy.
From Egypt.
A real one.
Yeah. We think it's real.
Oh, my goodness gosh.
A mummy?
You two are two
very tricky boys.
Quite an intriguing problem...
To authenticate this mummy
without removing its wrappings.
I'm no expert, but...
Well, that's why
we figured X-rays.
But what will that tell us?
Pre-Christian Egyptians
were physiologically
identical to you or me.
A bit shorter.
But the X-rays will be the same.
At least we'll know
there's one in here,
not just a bunch of sawdust.
This, the amulet
buried with the body
for identification
in the afterlife.
Here the ribs are sunken in,
with the heart and
viscera removed
for burial in the canopic jars.
Standard mummy business.
So you think we got
the real McCoy here?
Oh, I see nothing
to the contrary.
Here, for instance, is an old...
Quite old, actually...
Broken arm.
But the bone has
knit quite nicely...
As good as anything
we could do today.
Of course, Egyptian
medicine was very advanced.
What do we have
here, missing teeth?
Yes. Two... No, three molars,
right top incisor,
bottom left bicuspid.
This fellow must have had some
trouble chewing, I can tell you.
Is that common? Did
Egyptians have bad teeth?
This one did. But a
very unusual loss pattern.
That is why I also took a
close view in color infrared.
Oh, naughty, naughty.
A very devilish thing.
What? What is it?
Our friend the pharaoh is much,
much younger than we thought.
Several thousand years younger.
Don't laugh, but this man
was not born before, say, 1950.
Look at this.
What? Is that a give-away?
Oh, most certainly.
Plastic enamel bonding.
A very new technique.
Difficult to see with the eye...
That is the beauty of it.
What about the other
missing teeth here?
Probably with several fillings.
They would show up
on the normal X-rays.
The infrared,
normally you don't do it.
Sorry, Akhenaten...
Or whoever you are.
So it's a hoax?
Yeah, but who's hoaxing whom?
Perhaps you will find
out after the autopsy.
Until then, our
friend is a Don Ho.
He's Hawaiian?
No. Unidentified.
I think you mean John Doe.
Him, too.
[Raj] I will be right back.
The coroner will raise Abel
if I do not have the death
certificate filled already out.
Ricky.
Hey!
Call extension 1803.
Oh, I've treated many,
many head wounds.
Now I know what they feel like.
Yep.
Okay, easy, easy now, Raj.
I've had many head
wounds. Take my advice.
You belong somewhere
curled up with an ice pack.
I regret not being able
to describe my assailant.
Don't worry.
We'll find him, Raj.
And when we do, he may
end up as one of your patients.
I will look forward to that.
Now, I think I will
check myself in,
take two aspirins,
and call myself in the morning.
[Announcer] Can the
registered nurse on duty
please report to pediatrics?
You get all that information
back to the office, then.
Okay.
Hey, Town.
Who you got here?
J.M. Gerlack.
- The J.M. Gerlack?
- Mm-hm.
Little late for the
hospital, isn't he?
He's going to the morgue.
It seems his heart attacked him.
My guys found him alive,
but he didn't make it. DOA.
They were allowed to his
estate on a silent alarm.
Your case?
Maybe homicide.
He might have
surprised a robber.
They found Gerlack in a
secret room in his house
he had turned into a crypt.
Seems he has Egyptian
artifacts in there.
What's missing?
I don't know
yet, but get this...
Guess what we found
in that secret room.
[Both] A sarcophagus.
Yeah, and I'm having a hard time
believing there was anything in it.
I don't know.
What have you done?
What do you want
to bet we've got it?
What do you want to bet
somebody smacked Raj
in the head tonight
trying to get it back?
Drop the hieroglyphics and tell
me what the hell's going on here.
I mean, who hit Raj?
We don't know,
but we might find out
if you'll have the
coroner do an autopsy
and get an I.D. on
our mummy for us.
- What mummy?
- We're going to take you
to him right now.
Mr. Borin, I wish
you hadn't come here.
You're taking an enormous
chance, coming here like this.
Somebody could see you.
My God, Wells could see you.
If I don't belong
here, who does?
Hell, I built half this place.
Now, I'm tired
of waiting for you.
Where's Akhenaten?
You think I'm going
to tell you where he is
without even a dime
having changed hands?
When you told me you
could get Akhenaten,
you failed to mention that it
already belonged to somebody else.
That's why I didn't ask
you for any money up front.
But you're asking for
money now, aren't you?
$2,000,000 is the figure
we settled on, I believe.
That was before I knew
the damned thing was hot.
The cops are
all over this thing.
Maybe Gerlack
caught you stealing it.
He might have told
somebody before he died.
The law could be at
your door any minute.
Neither Gerlack nor
anybody else saw me.
Of course, I can't force you to
meet your end of the bargain.
Is there somebody
else interested?
I'm not at liberty to say.
Akhenaten is mine.
$2,000,000, and
you can have him.
Wrong.
You get your money
once I've verified it's real.
This is my last
accommodation to you.
A million to look, a
million to keep him.
Done.
Gerlack must have paid
hundreds of thousands
on the black
market for this stuff.
And maybe paid
it to Duncan Wells.
Wow.
Well, your mummy
could fit in here.
Town, it's not exactly a
custom-tailored Italian suit.
Any mummy about 5'6
" or 7" would fit in there.
How many mummies you think
we have loose in San Diego?
That's a point.
You know, Gerlack went to an
awful lot of trouble and expense
to set this up, just
for a fake mummy.
You think he knew?
Private collectors who
deal on the black market
get rooked all the time.
Oh, this is the first time I've
heard of a dummy mummy.
But there's got
to be a first time.
You think he just found out,
and that's what
tripped his heart?
No, I think he
surprised a thief.
In that case, the thief is the
one who's got a surprise coming.
Wonder what you got
to do to be a curator?
I think that this
mummy is Akhenaten.
Akhenaten?
I know it's astounding,
but I've taken off
about 20 words.
A quote from the
Book of the Dead...
"My eyes are the eyes of Hathor.
"My ears are the ears of Apuat.
"My fingers and leg bones
are the finger and leg
bones of the living gods."
And then the
cartouche for royalty.
I don't see how it
can be anyone else.
They were bound
to find him, Lisa.
The Valley of the Kings
is being dug out every day.
He had to turn up.
Turn up? The archaeological
find of the decade
doesn't just turn
up in our basement.
How did he get here?
You're right. It has
to be illegal somehow.
We'd better be
quiet until we're sure.
We have been quiet too long.
We can't think of
ourselves anymore,
just from a
scientific standpoint.
The world deserves to know
about Akhenaten, to study him.
Roger?
I'm here.
I agree, of course,
but we should be
cautious, is all I mean.
We should put it back
where you found it,
and decide who to tell.
Yeah, okay,
just as soon as Rick and
A.J. are done having it X-rayed.
Lisa, don't hang up.
I know something about all this,
and I don't want to
tell you on the phone.
Why are you being so mysterious?
You want me to come over there?
Yes, yes, I think
that's the best thing.
Roger?
Roger?
Buster, sit down.
Until you remove
these silly handcuffs,
I am not going to sit down.
That's my last
word on the subject.
Buster.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh, wonderful.
The Chargers just traded
away a first-round draft pick.
What? How'd you know that?
[radio squawks]
Are you still picking up radio
signals on those loose fillings?
Now I'm getting
the traffic report
on KLOW through
my six-year molar.
Avoid the El Cajon cut-off.
Uh, give him a chance
to get himself settled.
[Man] I don't want to have
to tell you again, Buster.
Get in that chair.
[phone rings]
Simon & Simon.
A.J., it's Town.
Hey, Town.
Hey, Town, what's going on?
Get in the chair, Buster.
Stop shouting! Oh, no.
Now I have the 1812 Overture.
You ever have a cannon
go off in your mouth?
[Town] Hold the phone, A.J.
Yeah, sure.
That's it. Sit down and shut up.
Hey, quiet out here.
Let the guy stand
if he wants to.
Would you let me handle this?
- Well, handle it.
- I am.
I don't want to have to
tell you again, Buster.
Get in that chair.
I think the coroner broke
land speed record on this one.
He's already got an I.D. on your
mummy, using dental records.
The body used to be a
guy named Kenny Fadiker.
Yeah, he was a staff
sergeant in the Marines,
stationed at Camp Pendleton.
He was killed in a training
accident three years ago.
He left a wife and two
kids. They're still in town.
In fact, Mrs. Fadiker
works at the branch
of Golden West Bank across
the street from your office.
Oh, great.
You're going to have
a fight on your hands.
Town?
Way to handle it, Nixon.
That's why you're still a
patrol, and I'm a lieutenant.
When a guy outweighs
you by 50 pounds,
you let him stand.
Listen to him, Nixon.
He learned the hard way.
We'd like to ask
you a few questions
about your late
husband, Mrs. Fadiker.
It's Fadakar.
Fadakar. I'm sorry.
I don't have very much time.
What do you want to
know about my husband?
Are you Egyptian, Mrs. Fadakar?
Persian. So was my husband.
Something may have
happened to your husband's body.
Yes, something did.
We mean after the burial.
What are you talking about?
It's possible that someone may
have desecrated your husband's grave.
My husband has no grave.
He was cremated. We
scattered his ashes at sea.
Are you absolutely sure?
I was there.
What organization
performed this service for you?
The San Diego Oceanic Society.
A Mr. Wright took
care of everything.
So anyway, he and this
blonde about half his age
drove her Mercedes up to his...
It was like this Italian villa
up in the La Jolla hills.
Place had to go
for 2 mil minimum.
Maybe it's her house.
No, I overheard her saying
how much she liked his house.
Anything else?
Honesty forced me to
retreat at that moment.
They were about to go
skinny-dipping in the pool.
Oh. How far did you retreat?
About 3 or 4 feet.
Mom, you got any idea how
much Wells makes per year?
Hmm, about 42,000.
With his salary,
he couldn't afford
to rent that place for an hour.
Well, it's just not like her.
I wish you were a
little more worried.
Mom, there's absolutely
no reason to be worried.
Lisa wouldn't just
voluntarily disappear.
"Rick and A.J., it's 6 a.m.,
"and I'm out on my feet.
"I've done more deciphering,
"and am pretty
sure it's Akhenaten.
Call you later from home, Lisa."
She's not home.
You know, A.J., I'm
beginning to worry.
Thank you, Rick.
I've secretly always thought
you had more common
sense than your brother.
Since when?
Now.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I'm Chester Wright.
Sorry if I kept you waiting.
Now, are you here today to
make pre-need arrangements,
or is this a time of sorrow?
It's a time of being in a hurry.
What we need is a body.
You need a body?
Mm-hmm.
What on God's earth
are you talking about?
Is that Wright with
a "W" or just an "R"?
A "W." What is that?
About a thousand bucks more
than you got for the Fadakar body.
Fadakar?
Sergeant Kenny Fadakar.
The Marine that you sold.
Come on, Chester.
We're not cops.
We're businessmen,
just like you.
We need one of your
bodies, no muss, no fuss.
Okay, Chester.
Did you know that section 7051
of the penal code of
the State of California
provides for a penalty of up to
three years in the penitentiary,
or $10,000, or both,
for selling a body which has been
entrusted to you for cremation?
If you gentlemen could
give me a couple of days,
I'm very reliable.
If you know about the Fadakar
thing, then you know I am.
Very good, Chester.
You trust us.
And we would very
much like to trust you,
so we're going to ask you
about a few pertinent facts.
Like, for example... You
sold Sergeant Fadakar
to a French lady, correct?
You know, I'm
really not at liberty
to discuss this any further,
and I think that perhaps
you gentlemen should leave.
[tape rewinds]
[Wright] Reliable.
If you know about
the Fadakar thing,
then you know I am.
[Rick] Very good, Chester.
I don't think that is
admissible as evidence.
Chester, we're not talking
about 12 good men and true.
We're talking about putting
your rear end out of business.
All right, what do you want?
It wasn't a French lady, okay?
It was a man. He
was a large man,
and he had gray hair.
And you took the body
straight to the museum, right?
That's right.
If you know all about this,
why do you have to
come here and bother me?
Because we like
bothering people, Chester.
[phone rings]
Hello?
Jordan, you have
used up all my patience.
Good.
You're certain?
Oh, of course you would be.
You won't have to take my
word. I'll stand by my deal.
Half now.
You run any kind of
damn test you want.
Just bring the money,
and you can have it.
Akhenaten.
It's hard to believe.
You'll believe. Put the
million in one suitcase.
Make sure it'll lock and
doesn't look too new.
I'll meet you at the
back door, just after dark.
Right.
I'm so sorry, Lisa.
If you'd only checked
the store room a day later,
you'd never have known.
I'm sorry you do.
I don't like this.
I don't like to hurry
and improvise.
I had a very, very
well-considered plan.
Now, it's all a mess.
I'm just doing the best I can.
You saw Akhenaten.
He was perfect, and I made him.
Not Wells. I made him
from the body of a Marine,
and then Wells took
almost all the money.
I'm not going to have time
to make another one as good.
I'm just doing the best I can.
Oh, my God.
This is recent.
Hey, this is a kiln.
It's an old-fashioned
kiln, like for pottery.
It's been used today.
This is natron,
that Egyptian salt
Lisa was talking about.
And all the other stuff you'd
need to make a mummy.
Except a body.
Chester hasn't made
a delivery recently.
Hey.
These spices are old.
The expiration date on them...
They're all over two years old.
Gerlack.
What?
Kenny Fadakar died,
what, three years ago?
Yeah.
And all these spices were
bought more than two years ago.
There's more.
Wells didn't act alone.
You got any ideas?
Whoever made these
notations was left-handed.
Roger Jordan's a southpaw.
Here's your million.
Let's see Akhenaten.
Let's see the money.
Good God almighty, Jordan.
What have you done?
It's bleeding.
I finally got something
for all my trouble,
for all the years.
Come on, move it.
Jordan, what are you doing?
Shut up!
Get in there.
You'll never get away with this.
Somebody will find
you in the morning.
There's your mummy.
[gun fires]
[Rick] Give it up, Jordan.
Where can you go?
[Jordan] Get out of
here, or I'll kill her.
I already killed Wells.
I made him into a mummy.
I'll kill her just as
fast, believe me.
You kill her, and you're
a dead man. Believe me.
If he misses you, I'll get you.
All I need's a clear shot.
Try it, and she's dead.
Roger.
Shut up.
You can't get out
of here, Roger.
Shut up!
And if you hurt
her, We will kill you.
But she'll be dead,
and you don't want that.
The point is nobody ever
got hurt in the courtroom.
I'm not going to court.
I'll get the death sentence,
and I'll never go free.
Anything is possible, Roger.
Just talk.
Anything could be worked out.
Stay back! I'm warning you.
Let's just talk, all right?
Get back.
I'm going to do it.
Whatever you do, don't hurt her.
I'm going to do it!
Please, Roger, don't hurt her.
Just take the...
Why are you forcing me? It
was going to be so simple.
Just take the money.
Steal back Gerlack's money,
sell it to Borin.
Whatever you do, don't hurt her.
But then you took it.
Please.
Don't make it worse
than it already is.
So I had to kill Wells
to make a new one.
Just... Just leave her here.
Come on, Roger.
You got the money.
Just leave her.
Hold it right there.
[gun cocks]
If you even twitch, you're dead.
Now, very gently,
move the weapon out to
your side, muzzle down.
Easy.
Hold it.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
They are designer sheets.
That explains it. Nobody
could sleep on this.
[hisses]
I found the mummy.
Vishnu.
I feel this person is beyond
my humble talents to revive.
I wouldn't feel bad, Raj. He's
been like that for some time.
- This is Akhenaten.
- Akhenaten?
King Tutankhamen's brother.
You guys want to
drop the hieroglyphics
and tell me what's
going on here?
It's bleeding.
Oh, my God.
♪♪ [theme]
[clock chimes]
Welcome, welcome to the
museum, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't forget, we're hoping
for your generous contribution.
You know, the way
you read these costumes
is to assume that there is a deep
psychopathology at work here.
- No comment.
- No, really.
What these people
are trying to say is
"This is what I
really want to be."
Leo, here, for instance.
What do you think?
Gray. Retired. Never
seen a real lion on his feet.
Try again.
What about her?
Single. Head of a
multi-national corporation.
Rick, aren't those...
Aren't those my sheets?
Ah, sheets? Found these
in the back of the closet.
Figured it was a drop cloth.
Rick, Liz gave those to me.
They are designer sheets.
That explains it. Nobody
could sleep on this.
What do you think
of that guy over here?
Snake oil salesman, like you.
Be nice. That's Duncan
Wells, the curator.
If it weren't for him, we
wouldn't be here tonight.
Wrong, Mom. If it weren't for
you, we wouldn't be here tonight.
It's a good cause.
Mr. Wells works like a demon
to raise money to make
this a first-class museum.
He deserves our support.
Yes, he does.
Besides, I think it's a small
effort for what I'm paying you.
- Paying us?
- I'll explain later.
It's just operational expenses.
Excuse me.
Well, please enjoy yourselves.
If you'll excuse me?
Good evening, Mr. Wells.
Mrs. Simon, how
good of you to come.
Ah, but who are these
two charming gentlemen?
I think I recognize the Count.
But what are you? A Roman
senator or a head of lettuce?
A Caesar salad.
Didn't have much time
to work on my costume,
so I just sort of
tossed this together.
That's good. That's very good.
Wells, shouldn't we begin?
Oh, yes, of course, sir.
Of course. Will you excuse me?
Certainly.
See what I mean?
The man doesn't have
a minute to himself.
Who's the penguin
calling his tune?
Lewis Borin.
He's the museum's
biggest patron.
I don't like the man.
Oh, there's Lisa.
You held our mother up
for a bribe to get you here?
Not me. Us.
Besides, it's an advance.
We got a client she
wants us to meet.
That's even worse. Since when
is our mom fronting for our clients?
I don't think this one
knows she's a client yet.
Lisa Brooks, this
is Rick and A.J.
Lisa's a student trainee here.
I'm A.J.
Rick.
My sons are
private investigators.
So, Mom, you think
maybe we could help Lisa?
Well, perhaps you could.
I hadn't thought of that.
My boys are very good
at what they do, Lisa.
Discreet. Maybe they can
help you with... You know.
Um, we shouldn't
really talk about it.
Come on, Lisa. Whatever it
is, we've been there before.
We're usually told
where we're going first.
Look, I know it can be very
difficult talking about your problems.
Why don't you
just bounce it off us,
see if there's
anything we can do?
Isn't this a lucky day?
I've only been working
here about three months.
I'm starting my
third term at UCSD.
I'm doing a full term
of field experience.
Archaeology?
With a concentration
on Egyptology.
And I'm one of the lucky ones.
Most kids don't get into
a museum so soon, ever.
Why do you think
the curator is stealing?
- What's his name, Wells?
- Duncan Wells.
I don't know that it's
him, but somebody is.
And the way he acted
when I told him about it,
I thought I'd be out on
my ear. I may still be.
He's threatened to have me fired
if I say anything about
the missing inventory.
He even said he'd blacklist me.
I would never work.
Touchy guy. How
does he explain it?
According to him,
it's my mistake.
I admit, the store's
inventory is a joke.
That's why I made a new one.
I believe there are hundreds
of Egyptian relics missing,
and I'm not the only one.
Is there someone here
who'll back you up?
Roger Jordan. He's the
resident jack-of-all-trades.
No degree, but a
wonderful man, really.
He knows everything.
So why doesn't he expose Wells?
Likes his job.
And with no degree, he'd
have even more trouble
finding a new one than I would.
So what it boils down to
is your word against Wells'.
Yeah. And believe
me, I'm no crusader.
I'd probably forget
the whole thing.
My career is more important.
Until I found the mummy.
[no audible dialogue]
All right, let's see...
I was looking for
the statue of Isis.
- It's one of the missing items.
- Don't touch it.
This crate wasn't
here two hours ago.
Nobody knows it's here but me.
I mean, somebody does,
but I don't know who.
Could it have been in a
different part of the museum?
You know, moved?
Part of an old exhibit?
Not a chance.
This is an Egyptian pharaoh.
The cartouche surrounds
the hieroglyphics for king.
So like Tutankhamen?
With one difference...
Nobody knows that this one
has ever been discovered.
Royal mummies are too rare
for one to be found
and not reported.
I mean, there has been no word
in any archaeological
press. No rumors.
If this mummy's tomb were
found on an authorized dig,
we would have heard about it,
no matter what the
political situation is in Egypt.
Maybe it was found
on an unauthorized dig,
and smuggled
privately out of Egypt...
For a lot of money.
That's what I've been thinking.
You don't need us.
There must be a dozen
international agencies
that could jump on this with both
feet. All you got to do is tell them
you got old what's-his-name
in the basement.
That's one of the problems. I
don't know what his name is.
I need time to study the
hieroglyphics, the linen.
Then someone would see me.
I was hoping you
would know what to do.
Oh, no. Forget it.
Forget it, I'm serious, Rick.
We're not waltzing out of here
with a 4,000-year-old Egyptian king.
[A.J. whispers] This is crazy.
Of course it's crazy, but the only
other choice is to call the cops.
No.
Look, A.J., this is the only way
she's going to get a
chance to examine this guy
and figure out who he is, right?
Right?
Yes.
You're sure Wells never
comes down here on weekends?
I've never seen him, and I'm
usually here doing something.
Students don't get any time off.
A.J., we have 48 hours. It's
going to be fine. Come on.
Be careful with him.
He's about as dead
as he's going to get.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
I have just been given
some very sad news.
J.M. Gerlack
passed away tonight.
[crowd murmurs]
Apparently, there was
some sort of robbery.
I don't have all the details.
J.M. was a good friend
of the San Diego Museum
of Science and Anthropology.
He had an infectious
enthusiasm for Egyptology,
and it is sad to think that now,
when he cannot be with us,
I am finally able
to announce to you
that we have found the funding
for the new Egyptian wing.
If J.M. were here, he
would ask you, as I do now,
to welcome the man who
has so generously offered
to underwrite the Egyptian wing,
the respected financier and
philanthropist, Mr. Lewis Borin.
[Man] I share your loss...
[A.J.] Jerry, don't throw up.
Come on, cut it out.
[A.J.] It's going
to be all right.
Can't take some
people out, you know?
- Nice party.
- Great party.
This is getting to
be a real problem.
You're making Esther crazy.
I wouldn't blame her a bit if
she just checked out on you.
That's the door
to the parking lot.
Okay, Jerry, let's go.
Get some fresh air in here.
Stop talking to it now, Rick.
Lisa?
Roger, why aren't
you at the party?
This is the guy I was telling
you about, Roger Jordan.
These are friends of mine.
A.J., Rick, and,
um, Jerry Simon.
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm A.J.
Jerry's feeling a little
under the weather right now.
Nice to meet you.
I was down there for a while,
but Wells is making speeches,
and I've got some work to do.
I'd say your friend
is feeling worse
than a little under the weather.
Ahem.
What's going on, Lisa?
Okay, look.
Lisa's told us that
you're a very reliable guy.
We just need you to look the other
way. You don't have to get involved.
My God.
This is 18th dynasty.
It's Theban.
She found it in the lock-up,
so you can see we
had to do something.
I haven't done the
fine translation yet,
but the royal
cartouche is there,
and the inverted moon.
This is amazing. This is an
unknown pharaoh, and we have it.
But how? Wells?
We'll give you all
the answers later,
but first we got to get
this thing out of here.
Why? Where are
you going with it?
Lisa needs time
to translate the...
What do you call it?
What's your interest?
We're private investigators.
We were hired by Lisa.
I forgot about this
alarm. Is this set?
Yes, I set it.
I do a little of
everything around here.
Listen, there's going to be a lot
of hell to pay on this, on all sides.
We'll keep you out of it.
No, I think it's
time I got in on it.
Duncan Wells has ruled the
roost around here for too long.
Man's a penny-ante
social climber.
And to think he got
his hands on this.
Good luck.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Jerry's feeling a little
under the weather.
You may want to sit up here
in the front with me, Cecilia.
Don't know how you can
do this to yourself, Jerry.
Years of abuse like that.
I've seen what that
does to your liver, mister.
One of these days, it's
going to plain conk out on you.
I think it already has.
His liver's hard as a carp.
Listen, Mom, don't get
too attached to Jerry.
He's not really drunk, he's...
A mummy. Yeah, I know that.
Remember, I got you the case.
Yes, you did, and we
certainly appreciate it.
[knocking at door]
I assume you've heard
about Gerlack's death?
Yes.
What do you know about
his mummy being stolen?
Nothing. I didn't
know it had been.
Well, someone broke
into his crypt. It's missing.
There are very few
candidates for that sort of crime.
You're one of them.
It wasn't me.
If you've gone into
business for yourself,
you'll live to regret it.
I'm warning you.
[A.J.] There's Anubis.
[Lisa] And there's
Thoth, holding the heart.
This is Osiris here, right?
Yes, he's the god of the dead.
Having fun?
Yeah.
This is fascinating.
Here's a guy that...
His family put him away
3,000 or 4,000 years ago,
thinking that
was going to be it,
and now he's lying on our sofa.
A man from a time
when most Europeans
were just crawling
out of their caves.
This is a common glyph on
the temple of Ramses at Karnak.
I don't believe it.
There... No, there cannot
be a mistake. This...
This is Akhenaten.
- Akhenaten?
- Akhenaten?
Akhenaten!
He's Queen Nefertiti's husband.
King Tutankhamen's brother.
He had a very distinctive face.
See how long it is?
Yeah, but a lot of
people have long faces.
No, this is the clincher.
It's the symbol of Aten.
Up until the time of
Akhenaten, about 1350 B.C.,
the Egyptians
worshipped many gods.
He made everyone
worship Aten, the sun disc.
That's it.
Tell me one thing now.
Could this be from, like, a
Hollywood prop house or something,
or is it really a...
No, the linen is very old,
and the weave is
right for the time.
There are traces of resin,
and more important, natron.
It's a kind of salt
found only in Cairo.
It's what they
use to dry it out.
I thought you said you
didn't have time to test this.
Well, it wasn't
much of a test, really.
I tasted the linen.
No, but you can tell.
This has got to be him.
Okay, fine.
But why does Wells have this
thing down in his basement?
Let's think about
the missing artifacts.
Could Wells be dealing
in the black market?
There are private collectors.
Relics, scrolls,
that type of thing.
But not this. This is a
mummy. This is too fabulous.
If it really is Akhenaten.
There's only one way to tell.
There are amulets
in the wrappings.
Are you crazy?
You can't unwrap this
thing without destroying it.
Okay.
We can check it out
without destroying it.
Isn't Captain Midnight
pulling duty this weekend?
We're going to take this
gentleman down to county general.
Just stay here.
Ah, Ricky.
Hi, Raj. How's business?
Loud. Otherwise, very peaceful.
Except for the overturned bus,
but that is history.
A.J., you look
remarkably healthy.
What is the problem?
Something internal?
No. As a matter of fact,
it's neither of us tonight.
Vishnu.
I fear this person is beyond
my humble talents to revive.
I wouldn't feel bad, Raj.
He's been like
that for some time.
It's a mummy.
From Egypt.
A real one.
Yeah. We think it's real.
Oh, my goodness gosh.
A mummy?
You two are two
very tricky boys.
Quite an intriguing problem...
To authenticate this mummy
without removing its wrappings.
I'm no expert, but...
Well, that's why
we figured X-rays.
But what will that tell us?
Pre-Christian Egyptians
were physiologically
identical to you or me.
A bit shorter.
But the X-rays will be the same.
At least we'll know
there's one in here,
not just a bunch of sawdust.
This, the amulet
buried with the body
for identification
in the afterlife.
Here the ribs are sunken in,
with the heart and
viscera removed
for burial in the canopic jars.
Standard mummy business.
So you think we got
the real McCoy here?
Oh, I see nothing
to the contrary.
Here, for instance, is an old...
Quite old, actually...
Broken arm.
But the bone has
knit quite nicely...
As good as anything
we could do today.
Of course, Egyptian
medicine was very advanced.
What do we have
here, missing teeth?
Yes. Two... No, three molars,
right top incisor,
bottom left bicuspid.
This fellow must have had some
trouble chewing, I can tell you.
Is that common? Did
Egyptians have bad teeth?
This one did. But a
very unusual loss pattern.
That is why I also took a
close view in color infrared.
Oh, naughty, naughty.
A very devilish thing.
What? What is it?
Our friend the pharaoh is much,
much younger than we thought.
Several thousand years younger.
Don't laugh, but this man
was not born before, say, 1950.
Look at this.
What? Is that a give-away?
Oh, most certainly.
Plastic enamel bonding.
A very new technique.
Difficult to see with the eye...
That is the beauty of it.
What about the other
missing teeth here?
Probably with several fillings.
They would show up
on the normal X-rays.
The infrared,
normally you don't do it.
Sorry, Akhenaten...
Or whoever you are.
So it's a hoax?
Yeah, but who's hoaxing whom?
Perhaps you will find
out after the autopsy.
Until then, our
friend is a Don Ho.
He's Hawaiian?
No. Unidentified.
I think you mean John Doe.
Him, too.
[Raj] I will be right back.
The coroner will raise Abel
if I do not have the death
certificate filled already out.
Ricky.
Hey!
Call extension 1803.
Oh, I've treated many,
many head wounds.
Now I know what they feel like.
Yep.
Okay, easy, easy now, Raj.
I've had many head
wounds. Take my advice.
You belong somewhere
curled up with an ice pack.
I regret not being able
to describe my assailant.
Don't worry.
We'll find him, Raj.
And when we do, he may
end up as one of your patients.
I will look forward to that.
Now, I think I will
check myself in,
take two aspirins,
and call myself in the morning.
[Announcer] Can the
registered nurse on duty
please report to pediatrics?
You get all that information
back to the office, then.
Okay.
Hey, Town.
Who you got here?
J.M. Gerlack.
- The J.M. Gerlack?
- Mm-hm.
Little late for the
hospital, isn't he?
He's going to the morgue.
It seems his heart attacked him.
My guys found him alive,
but he didn't make it. DOA.
They were allowed to his
estate on a silent alarm.
Your case?
Maybe homicide.
He might have
surprised a robber.
They found Gerlack in a
secret room in his house
he had turned into a crypt.
Seems he has Egyptian
artifacts in there.
What's missing?
I don't know
yet, but get this...
Guess what we found
in that secret room.
[Both] A sarcophagus.
Yeah, and I'm having a hard time
believing there was anything in it.
I don't know.
What have you done?
What do you want
to bet we've got it?
What do you want to bet
somebody smacked Raj
in the head tonight
trying to get it back?
Drop the hieroglyphics and tell
me what the hell's going on here.
I mean, who hit Raj?
We don't know,
but we might find out
if you'll have the
coroner do an autopsy
and get an I.D. on
our mummy for us.
- What mummy?
- We're going to take you
to him right now.
Mr. Borin, I wish
you hadn't come here.
You're taking an enormous
chance, coming here like this.
Somebody could see you.
My God, Wells could see you.
If I don't belong
here, who does?
Hell, I built half this place.
Now, I'm tired
of waiting for you.
Where's Akhenaten?
You think I'm going
to tell you where he is
without even a dime
having changed hands?
When you told me you
could get Akhenaten,
you failed to mention that it
already belonged to somebody else.
That's why I didn't ask
you for any money up front.
But you're asking for
money now, aren't you?
$2,000,000 is the figure
we settled on, I believe.
That was before I knew
the damned thing was hot.
The cops are
all over this thing.
Maybe Gerlack
caught you stealing it.
He might have told
somebody before he died.
The law could be at
your door any minute.
Neither Gerlack nor
anybody else saw me.
Of course, I can't force you to
meet your end of the bargain.
Is there somebody
else interested?
I'm not at liberty to say.
Akhenaten is mine.
$2,000,000, and
you can have him.
Wrong.
You get your money
once I've verified it's real.
This is my last
accommodation to you.
A million to look, a
million to keep him.
Done.
Gerlack must have paid
hundreds of thousands
on the black
market for this stuff.
And maybe paid
it to Duncan Wells.
Wow.
Well, your mummy
could fit in here.
Town, it's not exactly a
custom-tailored Italian suit.
Any mummy about 5'6
" or 7" would fit in there.
How many mummies you think
we have loose in San Diego?
That's a point.
You know, Gerlack went to an
awful lot of trouble and expense
to set this up, just
for a fake mummy.
You think he knew?
Private collectors who
deal on the black market
get rooked all the time.
Oh, this is the first time I've
heard of a dummy mummy.
But there's got
to be a first time.
You think he just found out,
and that's what
tripped his heart?
No, I think he
surprised a thief.
In that case, the thief is the
one who's got a surprise coming.
Wonder what you got
to do to be a curator?
I think that this
mummy is Akhenaten.
Akhenaten?
I know it's astounding,
but I've taken off
about 20 words.
A quote from the
Book of the Dead...
"My eyes are the eyes of Hathor.
"My ears are the ears of Apuat.
"My fingers and leg bones
are the finger and leg
bones of the living gods."
And then the
cartouche for royalty.
I don't see how it
can be anyone else.
They were bound
to find him, Lisa.
The Valley of the Kings
is being dug out every day.
He had to turn up.
Turn up? The archaeological
find of the decade
doesn't just turn
up in our basement.
How did he get here?
You're right. It has
to be illegal somehow.
We'd better be
quiet until we're sure.
We have been quiet too long.
We can't think of
ourselves anymore,
just from a
scientific standpoint.
The world deserves to know
about Akhenaten, to study him.
Roger?
I'm here.
I agree, of course,
but we should be
cautious, is all I mean.
We should put it back
where you found it,
and decide who to tell.
Yeah, okay,
just as soon as Rick and
A.J. are done having it X-rayed.
Lisa, don't hang up.
I know something about all this,
and I don't want to
tell you on the phone.
Why are you being so mysterious?
You want me to come over there?
Yes, yes, I think
that's the best thing.
Roger?
Roger?
Buster, sit down.
Until you remove
these silly handcuffs,
I am not going to sit down.
That's my last
word on the subject.
Buster.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh, wonderful.
The Chargers just traded
away a first-round draft pick.
What? How'd you know that?
[radio squawks]
Are you still picking up radio
signals on those loose fillings?
Now I'm getting
the traffic report
on KLOW through
my six-year molar.
Avoid the El Cajon cut-off.
Uh, give him a chance
to get himself settled.
[Man] I don't want to have
to tell you again, Buster.
Get in that chair.
[phone rings]
Simon & Simon.
A.J., it's Town.
Hey, Town.
Hey, Town, what's going on?
Get in the chair, Buster.
Stop shouting! Oh, no.
Now I have the 1812 Overture.
You ever have a cannon
go off in your mouth?
[Town] Hold the phone, A.J.
Yeah, sure.
That's it. Sit down and shut up.
Hey, quiet out here.
Let the guy stand
if he wants to.
Would you let me handle this?
- Well, handle it.
- I am.
I don't want to have to
tell you again, Buster.
Get in that chair.
I think the coroner broke
land speed record on this one.
He's already got an I.D. on your
mummy, using dental records.
The body used to be a
guy named Kenny Fadiker.
Yeah, he was a staff
sergeant in the Marines,
stationed at Camp Pendleton.
He was killed in a training
accident three years ago.
He left a wife and two
kids. They're still in town.
In fact, Mrs. Fadiker
works at the branch
of Golden West Bank across
the street from your office.
Oh, great.
You're going to have
a fight on your hands.
Town?
Way to handle it, Nixon.
That's why you're still a
patrol, and I'm a lieutenant.
When a guy outweighs
you by 50 pounds,
you let him stand.
Listen to him, Nixon.
He learned the hard way.
We'd like to ask
you a few questions
about your late
husband, Mrs. Fadiker.
It's Fadakar.
Fadakar. I'm sorry.
I don't have very much time.
What do you want to
know about my husband?
Are you Egyptian, Mrs. Fadakar?
Persian. So was my husband.
Something may have
happened to your husband's body.
Yes, something did.
We mean after the burial.
What are you talking about?
It's possible that someone may
have desecrated your husband's grave.
My husband has no grave.
He was cremated. We
scattered his ashes at sea.
Are you absolutely sure?
I was there.
What organization
performed this service for you?
The San Diego Oceanic Society.
A Mr. Wright took
care of everything.
So anyway, he and this
blonde about half his age
drove her Mercedes up to his...
It was like this Italian villa
up in the La Jolla hills.
Place had to go
for 2 mil minimum.
Maybe it's her house.
No, I overheard her saying
how much she liked his house.
Anything else?
Honesty forced me to
retreat at that moment.
They were about to go
skinny-dipping in the pool.
Oh. How far did you retreat?
About 3 or 4 feet.
Mom, you got any idea how
much Wells makes per year?
Hmm, about 42,000.
With his salary,
he couldn't afford
to rent that place for an hour.
Well, it's just not like her.
I wish you were a
little more worried.
Mom, there's absolutely
no reason to be worried.
Lisa wouldn't just
voluntarily disappear.
"Rick and A.J., it's 6 a.m.,
"and I'm out on my feet.
"I've done more deciphering,
"and am pretty
sure it's Akhenaten.
Call you later from home, Lisa."
She's not home.
You know, A.J., I'm
beginning to worry.
Thank you, Rick.
I've secretly always thought
you had more common
sense than your brother.
Since when?
Now.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I'm Chester Wright.
Sorry if I kept you waiting.
Now, are you here today to
make pre-need arrangements,
or is this a time of sorrow?
It's a time of being in a hurry.
What we need is a body.
You need a body?
Mm-hmm.
What on God's earth
are you talking about?
Is that Wright with
a "W" or just an "R"?
A "W." What is that?
About a thousand bucks more
than you got for the Fadakar body.
Fadakar?
Sergeant Kenny Fadakar.
The Marine that you sold.
Come on, Chester.
We're not cops.
We're businessmen,
just like you.
We need one of your
bodies, no muss, no fuss.
Okay, Chester.
Did you know that section 7051
of the penal code of
the State of California
provides for a penalty of up to
three years in the penitentiary,
or $10,000, or both,
for selling a body which has been
entrusted to you for cremation?
If you gentlemen could
give me a couple of days,
I'm very reliable.
If you know about the Fadakar
thing, then you know I am.
Very good, Chester.
You trust us.
And we would very
much like to trust you,
so we're going to ask you
about a few pertinent facts.
Like, for example... You
sold Sergeant Fadakar
to a French lady, correct?
You know, I'm
really not at liberty
to discuss this any further,
and I think that perhaps
you gentlemen should leave.
[tape rewinds]
[Wright] Reliable.
If you know about
the Fadakar thing,
then you know I am.
[Rick] Very good, Chester.
I don't think that is
admissible as evidence.
Chester, we're not talking
about 12 good men and true.
We're talking about putting
your rear end out of business.
All right, what do you want?
It wasn't a French lady, okay?
It was a man. He
was a large man,
and he had gray hair.
And you took the body
straight to the museum, right?
That's right.
If you know all about this,
why do you have to
come here and bother me?
Because we like
bothering people, Chester.
[phone rings]
Hello?
Jordan, you have
used up all my patience.
Good.
You're certain?
Oh, of course you would be.
You won't have to take my
word. I'll stand by my deal.
Half now.
You run any kind of
damn test you want.
Just bring the money,
and you can have it.
Akhenaten.
It's hard to believe.
You'll believe. Put the
million in one suitcase.
Make sure it'll lock and
doesn't look too new.
I'll meet you at the
back door, just after dark.
Right.
I'm so sorry, Lisa.
If you'd only checked
the store room a day later,
you'd never have known.
I'm sorry you do.
I don't like this.
I don't like to hurry
and improvise.
I had a very, very
well-considered plan.
Now, it's all a mess.
I'm just doing the best I can.
You saw Akhenaten.
He was perfect, and I made him.
Not Wells. I made him
from the body of a Marine,
and then Wells took
almost all the money.
I'm not going to have time
to make another one as good.
I'm just doing the best I can.
Oh, my God.
This is recent.
Hey, this is a kiln.
It's an old-fashioned
kiln, like for pottery.
It's been used today.
This is natron,
that Egyptian salt
Lisa was talking about.
And all the other stuff you'd
need to make a mummy.
Except a body.
Chester hasn't made
a delivery recently.
Hey.
These spices are old.
The expiration date on them...
They're all over two years old.
Gerlack.
What?
Kenny Fadakar died,
what, three years ago?
Yeah.
And all these spices were
bought more than two years ago.
There's more.
Wells didn't act alone.
You got any ideas?
Whoever made these
notations was left-handed.
Roger Jordan's a southpaw.
Here's your million.
Let's see Akhenaten.
Let's see the money.
Good God almighty, Jordan.
What have you done?
It's bleeding.
I finally got something
for all my trouble,
for all the years.
Come on, move it.
Jordan, what are you doing?
Shut up!
Get in there.
You'll never get away with this.
Somebody will find
you in the morning.
There's your mummy.
[gun fires]
[Rick] Give it up, Jordan.
Where can you go?
[Jordan] Get out of
here, or I'll kill her.
I already killed Wells.
I made him into a mummy.
I'll kill her just as
fast, believe me.
You kill her, and you're
a dead man. Believe me.
If he misses you, I'll get you.
All I need's a clear shot.
Try it, and she's dead.
Roger.
Shut up.
You can't get out
of here, Roger.
Shut up!
And if you hurt
her, We will kill you.
But she'll be dead,
and you don't want that.
The point is nobody ever
got hurt in the courtroom.
I'm not going to court.
I'll get the death sentence,
and I'll never go free.
Anything is possible, Roger.
Just talk.
Anything could be worked out.
Stay back! I'm warning you.
Let's just talk, all right?
Get back.
I'm going to do it.
Whatever you do, don't hurt her.
I'm going to do it!
Please, Roger, don't hurt her.
Just take the...
Why are you forcing me? It
was going to be so simple.
Just take the money.
Steal back Gerlack's money,
sell it to Borin.
Whatever you do, don't hurt her.
But then you took it.
Please.
Don't make it worse
than it already is.
So I had to kill Wells
to make a new one.
Just... Just leave her here.
Come on, Roger.
You got the money.
Just leave her.
Hold it right there.
[gun cocks]
If you even twitch, you're dead.
Now, very gently,
move the weapon out to
your side, muzzle down.
Easy.
Hold it.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA