Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 3, Episode 22 - Corpus Delecti - full transcript
No, Mom, just a big enchilada.
And don't you worry, we're going
to give you a nice big bite of it.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon and Simon.
Everything is unusual
about this case.
There's some kind
of massive fraud.
How'd you like for
me to personally stick
this business card right
in your back pocket?
Why are you in drag?
The term is undercover.
Now, what does it mean?
I mean, we talking about
murder by air-conditioning.
[explosion]
Breaks are dead. Engines out.
No back compression.
We're free wheeling.
Thanks for the run down.
[tires screech]
♪♪ [theme]
It's three hours.
Do you realize it has been three
hours since the air-conditioning broke?
Do you know how hot it is?
You said you were going to
find a garage two hours ago.
I said we would
probably find a garage.
I don't know this part
of the world, Carla.
Then what are we doing in
this part of the world, David?
- [spray]
- David and I wanted
to spend a weekend
in an exotic primitive
beach resort, Mother.
We're happy you decided to
join us, but it is our vacation.
We just all have to
make the best of it.
Wonderful.
Mother.
Mother.
Dave, pull over.
Mom?
Mother! Dave, hurry, please.
Dave, what is it?
I think it's her heart.
Let's get her out.
I don't know how to help.
Oh, God.
Please, somebody, please.
Oh, God. Won't somebody come.
It must have been the heat.
Oh, God. What
are we going to do?
[weeps]
[speaking in Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
[both speaking Spanish]
It's the... The heat.
Uh, what's the word?
I don't know. I don't
know. Just show him.
El calor. El... Yeah,
come on. Come on, yeah.
[speaks Spanish]
Look, look, I don't understand
what you are saying.
Just follow me. I parked
right around the corner.
It's right here. I parked it...
- What the...
- Oh, no.
- Oh, dear.
- Parked it right here.
Oh, God.
It's gone. It was right here.
[Marie] And that was
almost two months ago.
Incredible.
What do you hear from
the Mexican authorities?
They haven't been
very corporative.
Oh, yeah, they have Dave,
but it's a big desert, you know?
The car could be anywhere.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Your mother looks too young
to have died of a heart attack.
She's my step-mother, actually.
Ah.
When my dad died last year,
Carla took out a big insurance policy on
herself and made Dave and me beneficiary
How big?
$800,000.
800th...
- Why so much?
- It was for the business.
Marie's father
ran a small factory
and things have been going
down hill for quite some time.
And with Carla gone,
business will defiantly fold
and insurance money will
help pay off some of the debts.
Including back salaries.
Yeah, but without...
Pardon my saying this, but
without the body they won't pay off.
At least not for a
good number of years.
Um...
You folks know how
slim the odds are of...
We know it's a long shot.
That's why we like
to pay you flat rate.
15 percent of the insurance
money if you're successful.
That's over a hundred
thousand dollars.
It's 120 to be exact.
Finally found a map
of northern Mexico.
You've dissected our
phone answering machine.
Yeah, you wouldn't believe the
number of little odds and ends
it takes to run one
of these things.
Nope, that's wrong.
Now, I know you're
a curious little fella,
but I was hoping to leave
for Mexico in a few minutes.
Well, we've been missing the first
word on a lot of our messages, lately.
Just because your
new friend, Mindy,
does not have the intellectual
capacity to wait for the beep...
At least, I have woman
who leave me messages.
I can't remember the last
time I heard good ol' Liz's voice
asking you to give
her a call, please.
Liz and I have had a
minor disagreement.
That is all.
Oh, inspector marriage
raise it's ugly little head again.
What's so ugly about marriage?
Which side of this little
disagreement were you on, anyway?
Look, I just want
the phone to work
so we can both get our
messages while we're in Mexico.
I don't know, A.J.
You stop and think about it,
we might wind up with no more than
a mouthful of desert sand on this one.
Yeah, well, maybe
we'll get lucky.
I hope so. I like to see the
Blandings get their money.
They're nice people.
Yeah, $120,000. Nice.
Okay.
I've been studying the map.
And well, I figure a
50-mile radius, tops.
You just don't go driving through
the desert with a body in the backseat
for more than 50 miles.
I mean, it just isn't done.
Now, there's only one
hard top road down here.
Yeah, but that whole area is crisscrossed
with little ruts and trails and arroyos.
I mean, you can even
drive on that hard pan.
It's gravel.
Well, I'll tell you if the
stakes weren't so high on this.
I'd say give it the big pass.
Which is exactly what
you're going to do.
Miles Thatcher, investigator,
Mutual Fidelity Insurance.
We wrote the
Carla Morgan policy.
We don't want any PIs looking
to cash in on a disputing claim.
Uh, just a second...
Now, wait. I know you're the kind
of guys who'd suck blood for a buck.
But you got to drop
out of this one, cowboy.
Mr. Thatcher, how'd you
like for me to personally stick
this business card right
in your back pocket?
That's exactly what I need.
I love to fill charges.
What exactly is your
problem, jackass?
It isn't unusual for PIs to
be hired by the claimant.
Everything is unusual
about this case.
There's some kind
of massive fraud.
I've been around
long enough to smell it.
Smells like corporate
greed from here.
Doesn't matter me
what you think you smell.
This is my job and I don't need any
amateur hawkshaws getting in my way.
Amateur hawkshaws?
Just stay off the
Carla Morgan case.
You just might wind
up as accomplices.
Like I said, I love
to fill charges.
- They make you take off your
hat in court, cowboy.
- Yeah.
Oh, listen.
You ever wonder why the
Mutual Fidelity symbol is an eagle?
- No.
- Gee, no.
Well, you ought to
because it just might swoop down
and pluck out those private eyes of yours.
[sighs]
Just point me to Mexico.
[speaking Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
Señores, welcome to El Conejo,
in the gold coast of Mexico.
Coast? Where's the water.
Who needs water
when you have gold.
Look here, Señores.
A dying minero gave this
to my great-grandfather
over 60 years ago.
Oh.
I'll split 50-50 when
you find the gold, okay?
You just pay me $20 for the map.
Sorry, no time for a
gold less trip, amigo.
Silver. Uranium.
Uh, no. We're looking for something
more along the lines of a car.
I know where you can
get the best deal in town.
Completely legal.
How about something
not quite so legal.
Silver Mercedes stolen here
about, oh, three months ago, huh?
Roberto.
- Buenos días, Señores.
- Bueno dias.
[speaks in Spanish]
Ah, mucho gusto, Rick
Simon. My brother, A.J..
[speaks Spanish]
Ah.
Oh, sí. The car with
the dead Señora.
Uh-Huh.
No está aquí.
[speaks Spanish]
What's that?
He says it's not here,
looked everywhere.
Uh, the whole area?
Sí, señor.
Bandidos. Bandidos.
[speaks Spanish]
- Muchos gracias.
- Sí, señores.
- Good-bye.
- Sí, señor.
- Señor.
- Uh-Huh.
There are ways of learning
things el cada does not know.
Such as?
Did the car have
anything of value inside?
Well, it had the
woman's luggage.
Um, jewelry, rings.
Ah, come with me.
You have money?
After we see results, amigo.
Come on then.
Keys are in the truck.
We need new shock absorbers.
These are brand new.
You got to be kidding.
What you do, buy
them from Carlos?
You bought shock
absorbers from Carlos.
As it happens, Carlos cornered the
market and I'm getting shock absorbers
and I got a great deal on these.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I'm sure you'll have
a real smooth ride
the next time you're driving
the power wagon in Hungry.
Relax, Señores.
We're almost there.
None too soon, either
Give him a moment
to speak to him alone.
[converse in Spanish]
I think he can help
you, but it will cost $20.
[speaks Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
This what you're looking for?
Fits the description
the Blandings gave us.
Roberto, find out who
sold it to him, okay?
[whispering]
Make out what they're saying?
[speaking Spanish]
Hey won't say, but he told
me where to find the car.
Okay.
- And you no more worry about
your homely shock absorbers.
- Okay.
How much is this going to be?
My ass isn't going to make it.
Well, it grows tired.
It's just up ahead, Señor.
Don't worry about your burro.
He's small, but strong like me.
Come on, Louise.
Why did they burn it?
Los halcones.
The buzzards so they will not come
for the body and show that it is here.
Makes a certain amount of sense.
[sighs]
Well, we're never
going to identify her now.
Now, maybe there was a broken
bone that was reset or something.
Or maybe... [speaks Spanish]
[instructs in Spanish]
A.J., that bridge work can
be worth a 120 thousand to us.
[calls over in Spanish]
Eh, here we got
a little P.R. work.
[explains in Spanish]
Yeah, sure. Sure,
anything you want.
Gracias. Gracias. Gracias.
[camera click]
[speaks Spanish]
[shutter clicks]
Gracias, señores.
[all speaking in Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
A.J., I can already
smell Tahiti.
Perfumed tropical nights.
Prangy-pangy on the trade winds.
[chuckles]
- Rick.
- Yeah.
Why do you suppose Roberto made us
ride out here on these miserable beasts?
And then sent the
law out on wheels.
I don't know. We see
him, we'll have to ask him.
Ah. [clicks tongue]
Nice going, amigo,
huh. You convince them?
Well, see, I made the
Americano very hard.
They're convinced.
Good.
A.J., they said 10:00.
Come on, get a move on.
Rick, come here.
Let me fix that.
Fix what? What's wrong?
[chuckles]
You never use to
laugh when I did this.
You used to swear
under your breath.
Yes, the Irish sweepstakes.
It's money in the
mail. A grand casino.
[chuckles]
Are you making
sounds or am I drifting?
No, Mom, just a big enchilada.
And don't you worry, we're going
to give you a nice big bite of it.
Oh, don't promise
what's not yours.
You haven't been
served your enchilada, yet.
Yeah, but I will be. Just
a formality right now.
And from now on it is champagne
for breakfast for the rest of our lives.
Oh, I'd put those bubbles
in some long term CDs.
In these financially
uncertain times
they have traditionally out
performed even AAA Municipal.
Mom, I don't want Wall Street
Weekend Review right now.
What I want is all
the wild, wanton,
wicked, wine, women, and
song I can lay my hands on.
In your case, there's
usually three shots of tequila
and a cocktail waitress
at a country-western bar.
- Yeah.
- Well, I don't like you're
being so chipper about this.
You know, the poor woman would
had to die to make it all possible.
Right.
You're absolutely right, Mom.
And I want to thank you for reminding
me just how depressing reality really is.
That's what mothers
are for, honey.
[sighs]
Look, the Blandings have
gotten all over their grief.
They have expected
Carla Morgan's death.
It is now time
to get on with life
with a little money in the bank.
All you've been doing since
you got back from Mexico
is spending money in your mind.
And A.J. has been
brooding. I'd like to know why.
Well, his just pining
for his lost lost love.
Liz gave him the
ol' dump-arouny.
That's not true. She did...
I'll tell you what's
bothering me.
It's something that
Rick always says.
The one thing you can count on
is for people not
to be too neat.
And I just got this uneasy
feeling that all our ducks
were in too neat of a
row down in Mexico.
Come on, A.J. We earned
our money down there.
Now, it's 9:30. These
people like you to be on time.
- We're talking court
we're talking about.
- A job too well.
- Too, easily.
- Ah, jeez.
I mean, a hundred thousand to
one odds against our finding the body
and we did it?
A hundred and 20
thousand to two, us and Mom.
- The big enchilada.
- With salsa.
Mom, you're getting
as bad as Rick.
So what's the story on Liz?
[laughs]
There is no story on Liz.
Why is everybody going
on about Liz like this?
Just leave me and Liz alone.
Yes, defiantly.
I made this partial for Carla
Morgan almost five years ago.
And I repaired this portion
for her only last month.
The repair work
is still quite visible.
How can you be certain doctor?
The denture's badly damaged
and deformed by the fire.
The plastic is
melted, is it not?
Yes, but that's not uncommon.
The stainless steel
frame is what's important
and that came
through the fire intact.
And that small piece of metal
is sufficient for identification?
Oh, yes. It's defiantly the
one I made for Carla Morgan.
From this I'm prepared
to make a positive ID.
That's clear enough. No
further questions your honor.
Thank you, Doctor Fieldings.
I call Richard
Simon to the stand.
And then the Mexican
authorities impounded the car
and took possession of
Ms. Morgan's remains.
And you didn't then or do you now
have any reason to suspect that the facts
are not as they have
been presented?
You can say that.
I'm asking you to say that.
Well, you know, facts.
They have a way of
speaking for themselves.
I guess the court
can take that as a yes.
Dismissed.
[sighs]
My step-mother had always
been clear about her wishes.
Uh, she even wrote in her will
that she preferred cremation.
Uh, so I signed the consent and
they're going to send her ashes to us.
The cremation will
be done in Mexico?
Uh, yeah, it already has.
Uh, could you be more specific.
Oh, I don't mean the fire.
Um, once the Mexican police were
sure there was no crime involved,
they released her
remains to a local mortuary.
I told them to go ahead and
do it there. I thought, why not?
All rise.
The party is now in session.
The honorable judge,
Donald Webster, presiding.
Please be seated.
Although, the cause of Carla Morgan's death
has not been determined to a certainty.
The report by the
Mexican police.
The accounts of
Mr. and Mrs. Blandings.
And the fact that
the body was
ultimately discovered
by licensed private
investigators.
Taken together, is
a compelling case.
I'm inclined to accept
Dr. Fieldings dental idenification.
And in that Mr. Thatcher
who conducted the investigation
for Mutual Fidelity
has not presented any
evidence to the contrary.
I see no reason why the
beneficiaries of Carla Morgan
should not receive the
full value of her policy.
$800,000.
Adjourned.
[slams gavel]
You're welcome. Our pleasure.
Well, no hard feelings. I
get paid to be offensive.
You earn your money.
Not bad for a couple of, um...
Amateur hawkshaws
was that, yeah.
Okay, okay, I guess
had that coming.
Anyway, I'm glad you
found Ms. Morgan's body
and I'm glad the
whole damn is over.
You guys did a very
thorough professional job.
And the boys at Mutual Fidelity like what
they see, maybe we can throw you some work.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Suit yourself.
Anyway, things turned out right.
The Blandings should
be getting their money as
soon as we settle all
the details of their claim
and guys should be getting
15 percent soon after, huh.
Well, we certainly hope so.
- No hard feelings.
- No hard feelings.
Oh, come on, A.J.
Will you come off it.
The insurance company's
own man wishes us
no hard feelings. Now
what more do you want?
I want to quit feeling
like I've been set up.
Aw, jeez, set up for a
120 thousand big ones.
Gee, how could
they do that to us?
You know what I'm talking about.
And weren't as sure as
you like me to think you are
or else you wouldn't been weaseling
out of that attorney's questions.
I was not weaseling.
I was only being semi-craven.
Aha, all right. So we look into
this thing a little bit more, agreed?
- Agreed.
- All right.
Well, happy?
- Yes.
- No, ma'am.
Town should have
been here by now.
Going to call the
answer machine,
see if he left a message.
Got a dime?
[distorted answering machine] You've
reach Simon and Simon investigations.
At the beep, please
leave your name...
A hundred decibels shooting
through your ear drums
is going to get us
sued, you know that?
It just needs a
little adjustment.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait,
listen to the message.
Who is going to sit through
that to leave us a message?
I think they might say
I wouldn't want to hear.
[beep]
[faint murmuring]
Great, now it's barely audible.
[faint murmuring]
Well, it was a woman, I think.
Liz?
I don't know.
It could of been Liz. It could of
been Indira Gandhi. Who could tell?
- Yo, Town.
- Hey, Towner.
How you doing?
You're not suppose to
recognize me, I'm in disguise.
I spent hours putting
this thing together.
This is embarrassing.
Why are you in drag?
The term is undercover.
Look, I'm trying to nab the bag
lady beat over at Mission Beach.
Which is where
I'm going right now.
- Brown.
- Brown, wait, wait.
Didn't you forget
something here, Town?
No, let's see, I got my shopping
cart, plenty of brown bags...
The car, Town, come on.
Guys, they just towed
in from Mexico last night.
And officially nobody is
suppose to touch that thing
until the Blandings
take possession of it.
We're not on the
case and it is their car.
Look, Town, am I dreaming
or didn't you and I have a
conversation just an hour ago
where you promised that
we could look at the car.
So look over it, live it up. You
can look right through the fence.
I don't have to
be here for that.
Now wait, whoa, Town. Town,
now this assignment you got.
It's probably going
to be very tiring, right?
And you could use a rest.
Well, uh, we're
going to be doing
a big celebration when
this all over, you know?
Going to do kind of blowout
weekend over in Vegas.
Why don't you just kind of
tag along with us, you know?
We'll comp you for the Robert
Goulet show. It'll be great.
Rick, we haven't
got the money, yet.
- Robert Goulet?
- Yeah.
If you're going to bribe me,
at least make it interesting.
- I'll give you half a hour.
- Barry Manilow.
- 20 minutes.
- Wayne Newton.
10 minutes.
[clucking his tongue]
I saw the report. The
Mexicans check it over.
- Found nothing.
- Mm.
- Uh, A.J.
- Uh-Um.
I know you're trying to
impress Town and everything.
But just between you and
me, what are you looking for.
- I don't know.
- Ah-Ha.
I just think it's strange that
the Blandings would have
the car towed all
the way back up here
instead of leaving it in Mexico. I mean
you know, why not just sell it for scrap.
You can sell it at auction.
- Hello.
- Hello.
A.J., you didn't say anything
about dismantling the car.
Well, you remember the...
You remember the
Blandings testified to the...
Air-conditioning have been
out for about couple hours.
- Uh-Huh.
- Well...
- What it.
- What out.
Okay, this is the AC freon tube.
Yup.
Here.
At what?
Hole.
- You're telling me about this
tiny little hole right here.
- Yeah.
Somebody probably drilled that.
Oh, it would take about six hours
roughly for the freon to leak out
and the air-conditioner
would be kaput.
A.J., this could be blow
out. This could be a leak.
This kind of thing
happens to cars all the time.
Or not.
Okay, let's just sort of pretend
that we're talking
about sabotage.
Now, what does it mean? I mean, we
talking about murder by air-conditioning.
It means that something is
rotten in the state of Denmark.
- Ah.
- That's what it means.
- What does it mean in Iowa?
- It means that...
How do I know what it means?
I don't... Well... Town,
will you just do me a favor
and take that and have it
checked over by the lab.
Oh, yeah, let the
lab boys take this.
We wouldn't want to get any
finger prints on it now would we?
- Mmm.
- You guys are nuts.
Well, I'll see you
Friday around 10.
May I help you?
Yes, please, uh,
Rick and A.J. Simon.
We're here to see
Doctor Fieldings.
- Both of you.
- Uh-huh.
- Is it about your teeth?
- No, it's about
Carla Morgan's teeth.
Teeth aren't like
figure prints, you know?
We go by probability.
The odds are two people won't
have the same dental history.
Um, at the hearing you made a
positive ID. You weren't giving odds.
Too long to measure.
First of all you got all
the cooperating evidence.
That's how we start work
on... Well, say an airline crash.
Even if all you got to start
on is a melted denture.
Not like anybody in the
world that can be on that plane.
You got a passenger
manifest and seat assignments
Now, what you're
saying it is circumstantial.
Carla Morgan was last
seen in that car dead
somewhere in the vicinity
and so on and so on...
Now, it's a pattern. This is a copy
of the Mexican coroner's report.
It substantiates
the basic female.
Certain height. Certain build.
No accounted for trauma.
That's all they can
tell from the remains,
but the pattern is already
starting to indicate her.
And the denture proves it?
It narrows the probability.
It matches the teeth
she was missing.
I pulled these myself.
Lower left only.
Some what unusual.
Enough correlation to her
dental history for a guarded ID,
but in this case we had more.
She needed a precision
appliance fitted to her denture.
Not common.
This metal peg fitted
into the adjacent tooth.
And this bar
called a swing lock,
we see this in a extremely
small number of patients.
Taken all together...
Positive, just
like finger prints.
Um, Doc.
You're losing me
a little bit here.
Now you said that dental
ID is probable not positive.
That's right.
We're talking about Carla
Morgan's denture, not her teeth.
Her teeth were lost in the fire.
I thought the teeth
always survived.
Up to about 12 hundred degrees.
The Blandings car was
15 hundred maybe more.
But, luckily the stainless steel
frame can take a lot more than that.
You believe this hangs on a
little piece twisted stainless steel.
Well, it was hers.
Can't deny that.
- Mm.
- He IDed it.
The court respects his opinion
and they made the reward.
What does that do
to your murder theory?
[sighs]
Wish I knew.
I guess we're just going to have
to take their money then, huh?
Okay, just for the
sake of argument.
Let's say that Dave and
Marie Blandings are murderers.
Okay.
Why go to so much trouble.
I mean, either you want
the body found or you don't.
Well, in this case up do
because you got to have the
corpse to make the insurance claim.
Right, so why make
it so difficult to find?
I mean, why fake are car theft,
hide the car in the Sonora desert
and then burn it
beyond recognition?
Hide the cause of death.
I don't buy that.
I ain't selling that.
It's too easy to rig an
accident or buy a hit.
[A.J.] Be a thousand miles away
and not be the only two witnesses.
And then take a shot with
a couple of guys like us
who are going to be
able to find the body.
And then dentist is going to
be able to identify his swing lock.
[click]
[explosion]
- What the?
- What the hell?
Breaks are dead. Engines out.
No back compression.
We're free wheeling.
Thanks for the run down.
Someone cut the cable.
[tires screeching]
All you're going to do
is drop the gear box.
Just find a nice soft
cliff for us to run into
before we go over the edge.
[gears grinding]
[tires screech]
[horn honks]
Ah!
Uh.
A.J., we're still moving.
Yeah, I know that.
Don't rock it. Don't
rock it. Come on.
Don't tell me. Tell him.
One, two, three!
Hold it!
You okay?
Yeah, are you?
[sighs]
Okay.
Okay, what?
Aren't you going to
tell me to put it out.
Don't smoke in
your office, the usual.
All right, put it out. Don't smoke in my
office. And you get from behind my desk.
Told you to go home
about an hour ago.
I'm sorry. I hope
you don't mind.
I'm just a little
interested here.
Come on, Rick. He ain't mad
at us. Just take it easy, all right.
Miles Thatcher, no
outstanding warrants,
but a bit of a checkered past.
Did a three year jolt at Attica
for a willful and malicious
destruction of property.
No family, at least not local.
Okay.
The man tried to kill you.
You had no choice, Rick.
Now, you don't have
to take on the guilt.
I don't feel guilt, Town.
I just feel like hell.
Hey, Rick.
Thatcher is a gadget man.
New York bust was for rigging
radio controlled break failures
on a trucker's strike.
Did a nice job on my car, too.
Here.
The top one is a
50 power blowup shot of the
Blandings air-conditioning line.
Drilled with a jewelers
tool, not blown.
Right up Thatcher's alley.
You tell me, Town,
why does an insurance
company hire a guys like this?
He's an expert. Was an expert.
He probably convinced
them that he reformed.
The other photo is what's left
of the radio bomb that took out
your brake lines
and the ignition.
Pretty sophisticated device.
If you guys had
gone over the falls,
things would have
been so jumbled up.
We wouldn't have found much,
especially if you had burned.
[both] Things?
Things.
Well, nice to see that you can
remain so emotionally detached
from your work, Town.
[both] Things would
have been jumbled up.
Why don't you guys get
out of here. Go home.
Or do whatever it is you
do when you beat the odds.
Let me figure out what we
know and what's going here.
What's going is that the
Blandings are going to get
$800 thousand for a body
that we found in Mexico.
That's what's going on.
We know the body
was Carla Morgan's.
[Both] No.
We know the denture
was Carla Morgan's.
It's a big difference.
Dave?
Marie, what are you doing here?
I just got a call from the
police. Miles Thatcher is dead.
- He's dead?
- He is.
Hold on, wait a second.
What do you mean he's dead?
He was shot by one of the
private detectives we hired.
- They said he tried
to kill them.
- Wait second, don't go.
Hello, Marie.
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
All right, keep your pants on.
Simon and Simon...
[answering machine] You've reached
Simon and Simon Investigations...
[Rick] Uh, just wait will ya.
We got a problem a
piece of equipment here.
And any message that
you wish, thank you.
[message beep]
Hi, Simon and Simon.
You've reached Simon
and Simon Investigations.
At the beep, please leave
your name and number...
Ah!
Hold on.
- [equipment breaking]
- [A.J.] Hello.
Oh, Mr. Simon.
[Dave] Dave Blandings.
Oh, Dave. Hi, we've
been looking for you.
Right, well, we're wrapping
things up at the factory here.
Listen, uh, you're probably
wondering about your money, right?
Yes, matter of fact we are.
[Dave] Well, I got
your check in my hand.
Why don't you come down and
pick it up. Say in about an hour or so.
An hour, that'd be fine, sure.
[A.J.] Okay, we'll see
you there. Bye-Bye.
Good-bye.
I think we'll be
there a little sooner.
Where?
- The factory.
- Ah.
They want to pay us.
You know what
would be nice, A.J.?
It would be nice if just
once we were wrong.
I mean, it would be
nice if we went out there
and we found the Blandings
just a couple of nice people
who had absolutely
nothing to do with this.
We can take their nice
check for $120 thousand.
- Book passage to Tahiti.
- Where the women
don't wear no tops.
That would be nice.
Don't count on it.
They'll be expecting
us at the front door.
Well, then let's
find a back way.
I never counted
out it going this far.
Carla, why don't we
just forget the money?
We'll go away.
And discover Europe on
a dollar a day, no thanks.
We can still make it
work if we just don't panic.
But murdering three people...
Yes, the only three people who
know enough to put us in prison
for insurance fraud, perjury,
and God knows what else.
You'll forget all this,
Dave. I'll make you forget it.
Now... go and
take care of Marie.
Believe me, Marie, nobody
was supposed to get hurt.
Hold it!
Let the girl go Blandings.
All you had to do was leave it alone
and we would of paid your commission.
Hold it!
Thought you set us up to find the
car and Carla Morgan's remains, right?
Right?
Carla's remains
are just fine boys.
Get their guns.
Carla Morgan, I presume.
You know, you're forgetting
something very important, Carla.
- No, I'm not.
- Sure you are.
Tell her, A.J.
The body in the car.
A cadaver Miles bought at
a medical supply
house in Mexico.
Yeah, and we know.
See, we have a copy of the
receipt that he signed for it
tucked away in a safe
place with instructions
that if anything
should happen to us.
A receipt for a cadaver.
You think we're making
it up. Don't be silly.
I can't believe he
was going to kill me.
My own husband.
[weeps]
[Marie] And I've always
had someone to lean on.
And my mother. My husband.
Now, I'm on my own.
Kind of looking forward to it.
Uh, Rick and I
were... like to a...
Would like to help
you get started again.
What's this?
Oh, that's just, uh,
the insurance company's
way of thanking us
for saving them 800,000 bucks.
$10,000.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Well your husband
said he was going to
take you on a Mexican vacation.
We figure he still
owes you one, sort of.
Yes, you take a piece of that
and go to Acapulco
and send us a postcard.
You guys.
And all you had to do to earn
$120,000 was look the other way.
Yeah, well, money
never entered our minds.
[flat chuckle]
Thank you.
Anytime.
Listen, you get lonely
down there in Acapulco.
You know, you got
the number here.
- Give us a call and
we'll dash right on down.
- You bet.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- [phone rings]
I want a new answering
machine in here, today.
I know, it's already in the
works. I talked to Surplus Sammy.
We're getting a great deal on a
top of the line model from Argentina.
- Recovered from a
cargo plane crash.
- No, we are not.
- No, wait, great pricing...
- Simon and Simon
Investigations.
Hi, Liz.
No.
No.
No, I... I never
got your message.
Sure.
[sighs]
I'd love to.
Oh, they are.
Okay.
Nope.
No I don't mind.
That'd be fine.
All right.
All right, I'll see
you then, babe.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Well?
Well, what?
We're going after
to dinner, that's all.
- That's all?
- That's all.
Parents are in town,
she wants me... Ah.
That's all.
Introducing you to
her parents, huh?
That's the first step, A.J.
First of all it's dinner and
then the next thing you know
they're calling you son and
then the old man is talking about
the prospects of the
family aluminum business.
You never did tell me,
just which side of this
minor disagreement
were you on anyway, huh?
Come on, A.J. Marriage is a very
important step in a young man's life.
What do we know about this girl?
What do we know about her family?
- You're not in it.
- See there, a bunch of
low-lifes.
That's what I'm talking about.
We got to talk about this, A.J.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
And don't you worry, we're going
to give you a nice big bite of it.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon and Simon.
Everything is unusual
about this case.
There's some kind
of massive fraud.
How'd you like for
me to personally stick
this business card right
in your back pocket?
Why are you in drag?
The term is undercover.
Now, what does it mean?
I mean, we talking about
murder by air-conditioning.
[explosion]
Breaks are dead. Engines out.
No back compression.
We're free wheeling.
Thanks for the run down.
[tires screech]
♪♪ [theme]
It's three hours.
Do you realize it has been three
hours since the air-conditioning broke?
Do you know how hot it is?
You said you were going to
find a garage two hours ago.
I said we would
probably find a garage.
I don't know this part
of the world, Carla.
Then what are we doing in
this part of the world, David?
- [spray]
- David and I wanted
to spend a weekend
in an exotic primitive
beach resort, Mother.
We're happy you decided to
join us, but it is our vacation.
We just all have to
make the best of it.
Wonderful.
Mother.
Mother.
Dave, pull over.
Mom?
Mother! Dave, hurry, please.
Dave, what is it?
I think it's her heart.
Let's get her out.
I don't know how to help.
Oh, God.
Please, somebody, please.
Oh, God. Won't somebody come.
It must have been the heat.
Oh, God. What
are we going to do?
[weeps]
[speaking in Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
[both speaking Spanish]
It's the... The heat.
Uh, what's the word?
I don't know. I don't
know. Just show him.
El calor. El... Yeah,
come on. Come on, yeah.
[speaks Spanish]
Look, look, I don't understand
what you are saying.
Just follow me. I parked
right around the corner.
It's right here. I parked it...
- What the...
- Oh, no.
- Oh, dear.
- Parked it right here.
Oh, God.
It's gone. It was right here.
[Marie] And that was
almost two months ago.
Incredible.
What do you hear from
the Mexican authorities?
They haven't been
very corporative.
Oh, yeah, they have Dave,
but it's a big desert, you know?
The car could be anywhere.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Your mother looks too young
to have died of a heart attack.
She's my step-mother, actually.
Ah.
When my dad died last year,
Carla took out a big insurance policy on
herself and made Dave and me beneficiary
How big?
$800,000.
800th...
- Why so much?
- It was for the business.
Marie's father
ran a small factory
and things have been going
down hill for quite some time.
And with Carla gone,
business will defiantly fold
and insurance money will
help pay off some of the debts.
Including back salaries.
Yeah, but without...
Pardon my saying this, but
without the body they won't pay off.
At least not for a
good number of years.
Um...
You folks know how
slim the odds are of...
We know it's a long shot.
That's why we like
to pay you flat rate.
15 percent of the insurance
money if you're successful.
That's over a hundred
thousand dollars.
It's 120 to be exact.
Finally found a map
of northern Mexico.
You've dissected our
phone answering machine.
Yeah, you wouldn't believe the
number of little odds and ends
it takes to run one
of these things.
Nope, that's wrong.
Now, I know you're
a curious little fella,
but I was hoping to leave
for Mexico in a few minutes.
Well, we've been missing the first
word on a lot of our messages, lately.
Just because your
new friend, Mindy,
does not have the intellectual
capacity to wait for the beep...
At least, I have woman
who leave me messages.
I can't remember the last
time I heard good ol' Liz's voice
asking you to give
her a call, please.
Liz and I have had a
minor disagreement.
That is all.
Oh, inspector marriage
raise it's ugly little head again.
What's so ugly about marriage?
Which side of this little
disagreement were you on, anyway?
Look, I just want
the phone to work
so we can both get our
messages while we're in Mexico.
I don't know, A.J.
You stop and think about it,
we might wind up with no more than
a mouthful of desert sand on this one.
Yeah, well, maybe
we'll get lucky.
I hope so. I like to see the
Blandings get their money.
They're nice people.
Yeah, $120,000. Nice.
Okay.
I've been studying the map.
And well, I figure a
50-mile radius, tops.
You just don't go driving through
the desert with a body in the backseat
for more than 50 miles.
I mean, it just isn't done.
Now, there's only one
hard top road down here.
Yeah, but that whole area is crisscrossed
with little ruts and trails and arroyos.
I mean, you can even
drive on that hard pan.
It's gravel.
Well, I'll tell you if the
stakes weren't so high on this.
I'd say give it the big pass.
Which is exactly what
you're going to do.
Miles Thatcher, investigator,
Mutual Fidelity Insurance.
We wrote the
Carla Morgan policy.
We don't want any PIs looking
to cash in on a disputing claim.
Uh, just a second...
Now, wait. I know you're the kind
of guys who'd suck blood for a buck.
But you got to drop
out of this one, cowboy.
Mr. Thatcher, how'd you
like for me to personally stick
this business card right
in your back pocket?
That's exactly what I need.
I love to fill charges.
What exactly is your
problem, jackass?
It isn't unusual for PIs to
be hired by the claimant.
Everything is unusual
about this case.
There's some kind
of massive fraud.
I've been around
long enough to smell it.
Smells like corporate
greed from here.
Doesn't matter me
what you think you smell.
This is my job and I don't need any
amateur hawkshaws getting in my way.
Amateur hawkshaws?
Just stay off the
Carla Morgan case.
You just might wind
up as accomplices.
Like I said, I love
to fill charges.
- They make you take off your
hat in court, cowboy.
- Yeah.
Oh, listen.
You ever wonder why the
Mutual Fidelity symbol is an eagle?
- No.
- Gee, no.
Well, you ought to
because it just might swoop down
and pluck out those private eyes of yours.
[sighs]
Just point me to Mexico.
[speaking Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
Señores, welcome to El Conejo,
in the gold coast of Mexico.
Coast? Where's the water.
Who needs water
when you have gold.
Look here, Señores.
A dying minero gave this
to my great-grandfather
over 60 years ago.
Oh.
I'll split 50-50 when
you find the gold, okay?
You just pay me $20 for the map.
Sorry, no time for a
gold less trip, amigo.
Silver. Uranium.
Uh, no. We're looking for something
more along the lines of a car.
I know where you can
get the best deal in town.
Completely legal.
How about something
not quite so legal.
Silver Mercedes stolen here
about, oh, three months ago, huh?
Roberto.
- Buenos días, Señores.
- Bueno dias.
[speaks in Spanish]
Ah, mucho gusto, Rick
Simon. My brother, A.J..
[speaks Spanish]
Ah.
Oh, sí. The car with
the dead Señora.
Uh-Huh.
No está aquí.
[speaks Spanish]
What's that?
He says it's not here,
looked everywhere.
Uh, the whole area?
Sí, señor.
Bandidos. Bandidos.
[speaks Spanish]
- Muchos gracias.
- Sí, señores.
- Good-bye.
- Sí, señor.
- Señor.
- Uh-Huh.
There are ways of learning
things el cada does not know.
Such as?
Did the car have
anything of value inside?
Well, it had the
woman's luggage.
Um, jewelry, rings.
Ah, come with me.
You have money?
After we see results, amigo.
Come on then.
Keys are in the truck.
We need new shock absorbers.
These are brand new.
You got to be kidding.
What you do, buy
them from Carlos?
You bought shock
absorbers from Carlos.
As it happens, Carlos cornered the
market and I'm getting shock absorbers
and I got a great deal on these.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I'm sure you'll have
a real smooth ride
the next time you're driving
the power wagon in Hungry.
Relax, Señores.
We're almost there.
None too soon, either
Give him a moment
to speak to him alone.
[converse in Spanish]
I think he can help
you, but it will cost $20.
[speaks Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
This what you're looking for?
Fits the description
the Blandings gave us.
Roberto, find out who
sold it to him, okay?
[whispering]
Make out what they're saying?
[speaking Spanish]
Hey won't say, but he told
me where to find the car.
Okay.
- And you no more worry about
your homely shock absorbers.
- Okay.
How much is this going to be?
My ass isn't going to make it.
Well, it grows tired.
It's just up ahead, Señor.
Don't worry about your burro.
He's small, but strong like me.
Come on, Louise.
Why did they burn it?
Los halcones.
The buzzards so they will not come
for the body and show that it is here.
Makes a certain amount of sense.
[sighs]
Well, we're never
going to identify her now.
Now, maybe there was a broken
bone that was reset or something.
Or maybe... [speaks Spanish]
[instructs in Spanish]
A.J., that bridge work can
be worth a 120 thousand to us.
[calls over in Spanish]
Eh, here we got
a little P.R. work.
[explains in Spanish]
Yeah, sure. Sure,
anything you want.
Gracias. Gracias. Gracias.
[camera click]
[speaks Spanish]
[shutter clicks]
Gracias, señores.
[all speaking in Spanish]
[speaks Spanish]
A.J., I can already
smell Tahiti.
Perfumed tropical nights.
Prangy-pangy on the trade winds.
[chuckles]
- Rick.
- Yeah.
Why do you suppose Roberto made us
ride out here on these miserable beasts?
And then sent the
law out on wheels.
I don't know. We see
him, we'll have to ask him.
Ah. [clicks tongue]
Nice going, amigo,
huh. You convince them?
Well, see, I made the
Americano very hard.
They're convinced.
Good.
A.J., they said 10:00.
Come on, get a move on.
Rick, come here.
Let me fix that.
Fix what? What's wrong?
[chuckles]
You never use to
laugh when I did this.
You used to swear
under your breath.
Yes, the Irish sweepstakes.
It's money in the
mail. A grand casino.
[chuckles]
Are you making
sounds or am I drifting?
No, Mom, just a big enchilada.
And don't you worry, we're going
to give you a nice big bite of it.
Oh, don't promise
what's not yours.
You haven't been
served your enchilada, yet.
Yeah, but I will be. Just
a formality right now.
And from now on it is champagne
for breakfast for the rest of our lives.
Oh, I'd put those bubbles
in some long term CDs.
In these financially
uncertain times
they have traditionally out
performed even AAA Municipal.
Mom, I don't want Wall Street
Weekend Review right now.
What I want is all
the wild, wanton,
wicked, wine, women, and
song I can lay my hands on.
In your case, there's
usually three shots of tequila
and a cocktail waitress
at a country-western bar.
- Yeah.
- Well, I don't like you're
being so chipper about this.
You know, the poor woman would
had to die to make it all possible.
Right.
You're absolutely right, Mom.
And I want to thank you for reminding
me just how depressing reality really is.
That's what mothers
are for, honey.
[sighs]
Look, the Blandings have
gotten all over their grief.
They have expected
Carla Morgan's death.
It is now time
to get on with life
with a little money in the bank.
All you've been doing since
you got back from Mexico
is spending money in your mind.
And A.J. has been
brooding. I'd like to know why.
Well, his just pining
for his lost lost love.
Liz gave him the
ol' dump-arouny.
That's not true. She did...
I'll tell you what's
bothering me.
It's something that
Rick always says.
The one thing you can count on
is for people not
to be too neat.
And I just got this uneasy
feeling that all our ducks
were in too neat of a
row down in Mexico.
Come on, A.J. We earned
our money down there.
Now, it's 9:30. These
people like you to be on time.
- We're talking court
we're talking about.
- A job too well.
- Too, easily.
- Ah, jeez.
I mean, a hundred thousand to
one odds against our finding the body
and we did it?
A hundred and 20
thousand to two, us and Mom.
- The big enchilada.
- With salsa.
Mom, you're getting
as bad as Rick.
So what's the story on Liz?
[laughs]
There is no story on Liz.
Why is everybody going
on about Liz like this?
Just leave me and Liz alone.
Yes, defiantly.
I made this partial for Carla
Morgan almost five years ago.
And I repaired this portion
for her only last month.
The repair work
is still quite visible.
How can you be certain doctor?
The denture's badly damaged
and deformed by the fire.
The plastic is
melted, is it not?
Yes, but that's not uncommon.
The stainless steel
frame is what's important
and that came
through the fire intact.
And that small piece of metal
is sufficient for identification?
Oh, yes. It's defiantly the
one I made for Carla Morgan.
From this I'm prepared
to make a positive ID.
That's clear enough. No
further questions your honor.
Thank you, Doctor Fieldings.
I call Richard
Simon to the stand.
And then the Mexican
authorities impounded the car
and took possession of
Ms. Morgan's remains.
And you didn't then or do you now
have any reason to suspect that the facts
are not as they have
been presented?
You can say that.
I'm asking you to say that.
Well, you know, facts.
They have a way of
speaking for themselves.
I guess the court
can take that as a yes.
Dismissed.
[sighs]
My step-mother had always
been clear about her wishes.
Uh, she even wrote in her will
that she preferred cremation.
Uh, so I signed the consent and
they're going to send her ashes to us.
The cremation will
be done in Mexico?
Uh, yeah, it already has.
Uh, could you be more specific.
Oh, I don't mean the fire.
Um, once the Mexican police were
sure there was no crime involved,
they released her
remains to a local mortuary.
I told them to go ahead and
do it there. I thought, why not?
All rise.
The party is now in session.
The honorable judge,
Donald Webster, presiding.
Please be seated.
Although, the cause of Carla Morgan's death
has not been determined to a certainty.
The report by the
Mexican police.
The accounts of
Mr. and Mrs. Blandings.
And the fact that
the body was
ultimately discovered
by licensed private
investigators.
Taken together, is
a compelling case.
I'm inclined to accept
Dr. Fieldings dental idenification.
And in that Mr. Thatcher
who conducted the investigation
for Mutual Fidelity
has not presented any
evidence to the contrary.
I see no reason why the
beneficiaries of Carla Morgan
should not receive the
full value of her policy.
$800,000.
Adjourned.
[slams gavel]
You're welcome. Our pleasure.
Well, no hard feelings. I
get paid to be offensive.
You earn your money.
Not bad for a couple of, um...
Amateur hawkshaws
was that, yeah.
Okay, okay, I guess
had that coming.
Anyway, I'm glad you
found Ms. Morgan's body
and I'm glad the
whole damn is over.
You guys did a very
thorough professional job.
And the boys at Mutual Fidelity like what
they see, maybe we can throw you some work.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Suit yourself.
Anyway, things turned out right.
The Blandings should
be getting their money as
soon as we settle all
the details of their claim
and guys should be getting
15 percent soon after, huh.
Well, we certainly hope so.
- No hard feelings.
- No hard feelings.
Oh, come on, A.J.
Will you come off it.
The insurance company's
own man wishes us
no hard feelings. Now
what more do you want?
I want to quit feeling
like I've been set up.
Aw, jeez, set up for a
120 thousand big ones.
Gee, how could
they do that to us?
You know what I'm talking about.
And weren't as sure as
you like me to think you are
or else you wouldn't been weaseling
out of that attorney's questions.
I was not weaseling.
I was only being semi-craven.
Aha, all right. So we look into
this thing a little bit more, agreed?
- Agreed.
- All right.
Well, happy?
- Yes.
- No, ma'am.
Town should have
been here by now.
Going to call the
answer machine,
see if he left a message.
Got a dime?
[distorted answering machine] You've
reach Simon and Simon investigations.
At the beep, please
leave your name...
A hundred decibels shooting
through your ear drums
is going to get us
sued, you know that?
It just needs a
little adjustment.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait,
listen to the message.
Who is going to sit through
that to leave us a message?
I think they might say
I wouldn't want to hear.
[beep]
[faint murmuring]
Great, now it's barely audible.
[faint murmuring]
Well, it was a woman, I think.
Liz?
I don't know.
It could of been Liz. It could of
been Indira Gandhi. Who could tell?
- Yo, Town.
- Hey, Towner.
How you doing?
You're not suppose to
recognize me, I'm in disguise.
I spent hours putting
this thing together.
This is embarrassing.
Why are you in drag?
The term is undercover.
Look, I'm trying to nab the bag
lady beat over at Mission Beach.
Which is where
I'm going right now.
- Brown.
- Brown, wait, wait.
Didn't you forget
something here, Town?
No, let's see, I got my shopping
cart, plenty of brown bags...
The car, Town, come on.
Guys, they just towed
in from Mexico last night.
And officially nobody is
suppose to touch that thing
until the Blandings
take possession of it.
We're not on the
case and it is their car.
Look, Town, am I dreaming
or didn't you and I have a
conversation just an hour ago
where you promised that
we could look at the car.
So look over it, live it up. You
can look right through the fence.
I don't have to
be here for that.
Now wait, whoa, Town. Town,
now this assignment you got.
It's probably going
to be very tiring, right?
And you could use a rest.
Well, uh, we're
going to be doing
a big celebration when
this all over, you know?
Going to do kind of blowout
weekend over in Vegas.
Why don't you just kind of
tag along with us, you know?
We'll comp you for the Robert
Goulet show. It'll be great.
Rick, we haven't
got the money, yet.
- Robert Goulet?
- Yeah.
If you're going to bribe me,
at least make it interesting.
- I'll give you half a hour.
- Barry Manilow.
- 20 minutes.
- Wayne Newton.
10 minutes.
[clucking his tongue]
I saw the report. The
Mexicans check it over.
- Found nothing.
- Mm.
- Uh, A.J.
- Uh-Um.
I know you're trying to
impress Town and everything.
But just between you and
me, what are you looking for.
- I don't know.
- Ah-Ha.
I just think it's strange that
the Blandings would have
the car towed all
the way back up here
instead of leaving it in Mexico. I mean
you know, why not just sell it for scrap.
You can sell it at auction.
- Hello.
- Hello.
A.J., you didn't say anything
about dismantling the car.
Well, you remember the...
You remember the
Blandings testified to the...
Air-conditioning have been
out for about couple hours.
- Uh-Huh.
- Well...
- What it.
- What out.
Okay, this is the AC freon tube.
Yup.
Here.
At what?
Hole.
- You're telling me about this
tiny little hole right here.
- Yeah.
Somebody probably drilled that.
Oh, it would take about six hours
roughly for the freon to leak out
and the air-conditioner
would be kaput.
A.J., this could be blow
out. This could be a leak.
This kind of thing
happens to cars all the time.
Or not.
Okay, let's just sort of pretend
that we're talking
about sabotage.
Now, what does it mean? I mean, we
talking about murder by air-conditioning.
It means that something is
rotten in the state of Denmark.
- Ah.
- That's what it means.
- What does it mean in Iowa?
- It means that...
How do I know what it means?
I don't... Well... Town,
will you just do me a favor
and take that and have it
checked over by the lab.
Oh, yeah, let the
lab boys take this.
We wouldn't want to get any
finger prints on it now would we?
- Mmm.
- You guys are nuts.
Well, I'll see you
Friday around 10.
May I help you?
Yes, please, uh,
Rick and A.J. Simon.
We're here to see
Doctor Fieldings.
- Both of you.
- Uh-huh.
- Is it about your teeth?
- No, it's about
Carla Morgan's teeth.
Teeth aren't like
figure prints, you know?
We go by probability.
The odds are two people won't
have the same dental history.
Um, at the hearing you made a
positive ID. You weren't giving odds.
Too long to measure.
First of all you got all
the cooperating evidence.
That's how we start work
on... Well, say an airline crash.
Even if all you got to start
on is a melted denture.
Not like anybody in the
world that can be on that plane.
You got a passenger
manifest and seat assignments
Now, what you're
saying it is circumstantial.
Carla Morgan was last
seen in that car dead
somewhere in the vicinity
and so on and so on...
Now, it's a pattern. This is a copy
of the Mexican coroner's report.
It substantiates
the basic female.
Certain height. Certain build.
No accounted for trauma.
That's all they can
tell from the remains,
but the pattern is already
starting to indicate her.
And the denture proves it?
It narrows the probability.
It matches the teeth
she was missing.
I pulled these myself.
Lower left only.
Some what unusual.
Enough correlation to her
dental history for a guarded ID,
but in this case we had more.
She needed a precision
appliance fitted to her denture.
Not common.
This metal peg fitted
into the adjacent tooth.
And this bar
called a swing lock,
we see this in a extremely
small number of patients.
Taken all together...
Positive, just
like finger prints.
Um, Doc.
You're losing me
a little bit here.
Now you said that dental
ID is probable not positive.
That's right.
We're talking about Carla
Morgan's denture, not her teeth.
Her teeth were lost in the fire.
I thought the teeth
always survived.
Up to about 12 hundred degrees.
The Blandings car was
15 hundred maybe more.
But, luckily the stainless steel
frame can take a lot more than that.
You believe this hangs on a
little piece twisted stainless steel.
Well, it was hers.
Can't deny that.
- Mm.
- He IDed it.
The court respects his opinion
and they made the reward.
What does that do
to your murder theory?
[sighs]
Wish I knew.
I guess we're just going to have
to take their money then, huh?
Okay, just for the
sake of argument.
Let's say that Dave and
Marie Blandings are murderers.
Okay.
Why go to so much trouble.
I mean, either you want
the body found or you don't.
Well, in this case up do
because you got to have the
corpse to make the insurance claim.
Right, so why make
it so difficult to find?
I mean, why fake are car theft,
hide the car in the Sonora desert
and then burn it
beyond recognition?
Hide the cause of death.
I don't buy that.
I ain't selling that.
It's too easy to rig an
accident or buy a hit.
[A.J.] Be a thousand miles away
and not be the only two witnesses.
And then take a shot with
a couple of guys like us
who are going to be
able to find the body.
And then dentist is going to
be able to identify his swing lock.
[click]
[explosion]
- What the?
- What the hell?
Breaks are dead. Engines out.
No back compression.
We're free wheeling.
Thanks for the run down.
Someone cut the cable.
[tires screeching]
All you're going to do
is drop the gear box.
Just find a nice soft
cliff for us to run into
before we go over the edge.
[gears grinding]
[tires screech]
[horn honks]
Ah!
Uh.
A.J., we're still moving.
Yeah, I know that.
Don't rock it. Don't
rock it. Come on.
Don't tell me. Tell him.
One, two, three!
Hold it!
You okay?
Yeah, are you?
[sighs]
Okay.
Okay, what?
Aren't you going to
tell me to put it out.
Don't smoke in
your office, the usual.
All right, put it out. Don't smoke in my
office. And you get from behind my desk.
Told you to go home
about an hour ago.
I'm sorry. I hope
you don't mind.
I'm just a little
interested here.
Come on, Rick. He ain't mad
at us. Just take it easy, all right.
Miles Thatcher, no
outstanding warrants,
but a bit of a checkered past.
Did a three year jolt at Attica
for a willful and malicious
destruction of property.
No family, at least not local.
Okay.
The man tried to kill you.
You had no choice, Rick.
Now, you don't have
to take on the guilt.
I don't feel guilt, Town.
I just feel like hell.
Hey, Rick.
Thatcher is a gadget man.
New York bust was for rigging
radio controlled break failures
on a trucker's strike.
Did a nice job on my car, too.
Here.
The top one is a
50 power blowup shot of the
Blandings air-conditioning line.
Drilled with a jewelers
tool, not blown.
Right up Thatcher's alley.
You tell me, Town,
why does an insurance
company hire a guys like this?
He's an expert. Was an expert.
He probably convinced
them that he reformed.
The other photo is what's left
of the radio bomb that took out
your brake lines
and the ignition.
Pretty sophisticated device.
If you guys had
gone over the falls,
things would have
been so jumbled up.
We wouldn't have found much,
especially if you had burned.
[both] Things?
Things.
Well, nice to see that you can
remain so emotionally detached
from your work, Town.
[both] Things would
have been jumbled up.
Why don't you guys get
out of here. Go home.
Or do whatever it is you
do when you beat the odds.
Let me figure out what we
know and what's going here.
What's going is that the
Blandings are going to get
$800 thousand for a body
that we found in Mexico.
That's what's going on.
We know the body
was Carla Morgan's.
[Both] No.
We know the denture
was Carla Morgan's.
It's a big difference.
Dave?
Marie, what are you doing here?
I just got a call from the
police. Miles Thatcher is dead.
- He's dead?
- He is.
Hold on, wait a second.
What do you mean he's dead?
He was shot by one of the
private detectives we hired.
- They said he tried
to kill them.
- Wait second, don't go.
Hello, Marie.
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
All right, keep your pants on.
Simon and Simon...
[answering machine] You've reached
Simon and Simon Investigations...
[Rick] Uh, just wait will ya.
We got a problem a
piece of equipment here.
And any message that
you wish, thank you.
[message beep]
Hi, Simon and Simon.
You've reached Simon
and Simon Investigations.
At the beep, please leave
your name and number...
Ah!
Hold on.
- [equipment breaking]
- [A.J.] Hello.
Oh, Mr. Simon.
[Dave] Dave Blandings.
Oh, Dave. Hi, we've
been looking for you.
Right, well, we're wrapping
things up at the factory here.
Listen, uh, you're probably
wondering about your money, right?
Yes, matter of fact we are.
[Dave] Well, I got
your check in my hand.
Why don't you come down and
pick it up. Say in about an hour or so.
An hour, that'd be fine, sure.
[A.J.] Okay, we'll see
you there. Bye-Bye.
Good-bye.
I think we'll be
there a little sooner.
Where?
- The factory.
- Ah.
They want to pay us.
You know what
would be nice, A.J.?
It would be nice if just
once we were wrong.
I mean, it would be
nice if we went out there
and we found the Blandings
just a couple of nice people
who had absolutely
nothing to do with this.
We can take their nice
check for $120 thousand.
- Book passage to Tahiti.
- Where the women
don't wear no tops.
That would be nice.
Don't count on it.
They'll be expecting
us at the front door.
Well, then let's
find a back way.
I never counted
out it going this far.
Carla, why don't we
just forget the money?
We'll go away.
And discover Europe on
a dollar a day, no thanks.
We can still make it
work if we just don't panic.
But murdering three people...
Yes, the only three people who
know enough to put us in prison
for insurance fraud, perjury,
and God knows what else.
You'll forget all this,
Dave. I'll make you forget it.
Now... go and
take care of Marie.
Believe me, Marie, nobody
was supposed to get hurt.
Hold it!
Let the girl go Blandings.
All you had to do was leave it alone
and we would of paid your commission.
Hold it!
Thought you set us up to find the
car and Carla Morgan's remains, right?
Right?
Carla's remains
are just fine boys.
Get their guns.
Carla Morgan, I presume.
You know, you're forgetting
something very important, Carla.
- No, I'm not.
- Sure you are.
Tell her, A.J.
The body in the car.
A cadaver Miles bought at
a medical supply
house in Mexico.
Yeah, and we know.
See, we have a copy of the
receipt that he signed for it
tucked away in a safe
place with instructions
that if anything
should happen to us.
A receipt for a cadaver.
You think we're making
it up. Don't be silly.
I can't believe he
was going to kill me.
My own husband.
[weeps]
[Marie] And I've always
had someone to lean on.
And my mother. My husband.
Now, I'm on my own.
Kind of looking forward to it.
Uh, Rick and I
were... like to a...
Would like to help
you get started again.
What's this?
Oh, that's just, uh,
the insurance company's
way of thanking us
for saving them 800,000 bucks.
$10,000.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Well your husband
said he was going to
take you on a Mexican vacation.
We figure he still
owes you one, sort of.
Yes, you take a piece of that
and go to Acapulco
and send us a postcard.
You guys.
And all you had to do to earn
$120,000 was look the other way.
Yeah, well, money
never entered our minds.
[flat chuckle]
Thank you.
Anytime.
Listen, you get lonely
down there in Acapulco.
You know, you got
the number here.
- Give us a call and
we'll dash right on down.
- You bet.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- [phone rings]
I want a new answering
machine in here, today.
I know, it's already in the
works. I talked to Surplus Sammy.
We're getting a great deal on a
top of the line model from Argentina.
- Recovered from a
cargo plane crash.
- No, we are not.
- No, wait, great pricing...
- Simon and Simon
Investigations.
Hi, Liz.
No.
No.
No, I... I never
got your message.
Sure.
[sighs]
I'd love to.
Oh, they are.
Okay.
Nope.
No I don't mind.
That'd be fine.
All right.
All right, I'll see
you then, babe.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Well?
Well, what?
We're going after
to dinner, that's all.
- That's all?
- That's all.
Parents are in town,
she wants me... Ah.
That's all.
Introducing you to
her parents, huh?
That's the first step, A.J.
First of all it's dinner and
then the next thing you know
they're calling you son and
then the old man is talking about
the prospects of the
family aluminum business.
You never did tell me,
just which side of this
minor disagreement
were you on anyway, huh?
Come on, A.J. Marriage is a very
important step in a young man's life.
What do we know about this girl?
What do we know about her family?
- You're not in it.
- See there, a bunch of
low-lifes.
That's what I'm talking about.
We got to talk about this, A.J.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA