Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 3, Episode 11 - Bon Voyage, Alonso - full transcript
Well, she's my little girl,
and I expect her to
come back that way.
[Narrator] Tonight
on Simon and Simon.
I'm really not looking for
a shipboard romance, Mr...
Bond. James Bond.
Arnold Corrigan,
thou hast been served.
As I end my refrain, knave,
I shall thrust home.
We've got the helm.
I've got a mother and brother
on board that boat.
When it comes to my son,
I take orders from no one.
♪♪ [theme]
[Morse code]
[Morse code]
You know I don't
care what you say.
I know she's not
telling the truth.
Yeah, they're all
lies. They're all lies...
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Does one of you gentlemen
happen to have a light?
- I seemed to have
forgot my matches.
- All right.
Thank you.
Operation Sunburst is on course.
Nobody moves, and nobody dies.
Hold it!
Hold it!
That's enough.
You were 20 seconds behind.
You were trying to make up time.
You were surprised
by the ship's whistle,
and you didn't confirm the
engine room was secure.
So you're dead.
Where did the security
guards come from, Marla?
There aren't going to
be any on the Sunburst.
Not as far as we know,
but things change.
If we run this operation
the way it's supposed to be run,
only the Captain
and a few of his crew
will ever know we've hit them.
And that means we have
to anticipate any eventuality.
Okay, back it up
and do it again.
This time we got it,
A.J. Corrigan is smart.
- This time we got him.
- I don't know.
The subpoena ain't
served till the fat lady sings.
We've been trying
for three days.
We haven't even gotten close.
Yeah, well, so our ground
game's a little weak.
All we got to now is come
up with a little razzle-dazzle.
Well, let's get this over with
and get on that on board
that cruise ship tomorrow.
That is my kind of assignment.
Let's hurry it up here.
Okay.
Hello, Mr. Corrigan.
How do you do?
Doctor Lippincott will
be in in just a moment.
I'm nurse Bob.
I will be cleaning your teeth.
[gurgles]
Yes, yes, I know.
Doctor Lippincott, I think
Mr. Corrigan is ready.
Arnold Corrigan, you
have been served.
You're not Arnold Corrigan.
Damn right I'm not.
But I got a message from him.
Only one thing Mr. Corrigan
hates more than deadbeat
sleaze bags like you two.
He hates going to court.
But if he's going to court,
it's going to be a good reason.
Get my drift?
Stay away from Mr. Corrigan.
Well, there goes the cruise.
Well, just for one of us.
Why don't we flip for it?
You're heads. I'm tails.
I've been saying that for years.
My only interest is the safety
and the well-being of my
daughter and her friend.
I understand
perfectly, Mr. Bishop.
I assure you the woman that we have
selected for this assignment is the best.
Besides which, as soon
as I wrap up this case,
I'll be flying down to
Mexico to join the ship.
- Hey, hey.
- Look Dad.
Mrs. Simon got us
both sunglasses.
And a voyage size
bottle of Dramamine.
Okay, time to get a move on.
Okay, ladies. Ladies.
Hmm.
It's very important to me
that Margery have a
good time on this cruise.
I don't want any
complications of any kind.
Well, like I told you on the
phone, we guarantee our work.
Well, I don't want to seem like the
proverbial doting father, Mr. Simon,
but Margery's been
dating a young man
that I seriously disapprove of.
This trip is the opening salvo
in an attempt to
sink that romance.
I halfway expected him to show up
here and create some kind of a scene.
Mom will just mother her
out of that little infatuation.
Well, she's my little girl,
and I expect her to
come back that way.
Do I make myself clear?
Oh, yeah.
[Man] ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?
Please stop at the
purser's office on C deck
to reserve first or
second seating for dinner.
[humming]
Our duty-free shops
will be open as soon
we have sailed 3 miles...
Mr. and Mrs. Simon.
- Yes.
- No.
Uh, she's my mother.
Well, go for you.
Well, would you like to
buy some luggage today?
Oh, sorry. Come on in.
Give Lester a tip, Rick.
That's for the
girls next door, too.
Bon voyage, Alonso.
Who the hell is Alonso?
[humming]
Ladies and Gentlemen,
may I have your
attention, please?
Psst, mister.
Are the any single
women on board?
- Always.
- Ah, great.
Most of them your mother's age.
That's not so good.
Listen, there's this one.
Uh, came on right after I did.
Tall, blonde, uh...
Well, you won't exactly call her
figure boyish, you know what I mean.
I think I heard
somebody call her Marla.
Uh, heartbreak hotel,
pal. Marla Combie.
Combie. Combie.
Third trip this season.
Many have tried.
Many have failed.
My bet, she's got a sugar
daddy she visits down in Cabo.
Be my guest, though.
I mean, who knows?
You just might be her type.
Ah, what a pleasant thought.
I appreciate the advice,
Lester. Here you go.
Combie. Combie.
[humming]
[humming]
Lester, are there many
single men aboard?
Always.
Most of them your son's age.
I mean, who knows?
You might get lucky.
You're still in
pretty good shape.
Please report any
missing luggage
to your cabin stewart.
[humming You must
be the girls next door.
What do you got in the
trunk? The boy next door?
Did I pack this
think unconsciously?
No, I did.
Well, you know Mother
fusses after her sons.
Besides, I thought
you'd like to have it.
Mom, we're gonna
be going into Mexico.
Now, if they happen
to find this thing,
you're going to
be fussing over me
from our cells at the
Jalapo State Prison.
Besides, I certainly
won't need this
to baby-sit a couple
of 16-year-old girls.
Rick, you don't
know how dangerous
a 16-year-old girl can be.
Get me out of here. I just
spent a hour on my head.
[Mrs. Simon] Girls,
need any help?
No, I don't think so.
Well, I'm in the next
room if you need anything.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Bye.
Got anything to eat?
We have some new intelligence
about the Coast
Guard patrol for tonight.
They'll be working the
quadrants north of us.
It means a change
of operational course
for the decoy ship.
Skeet?
Beg your pardon.
Do you like to shoot trap?
Well, I haven't done
it that much. No, sir.
I always shoot trap at sea.
Ever since my first
cruise. I was only 17.
I fell in love on
that first cruise.
French film actress.
I set the ship's record
for consecutive hits.
211.
Wow, that's... that's terrific.
Excuse me a minute. I see
a friend of mine over here.
You know, the trouble
with traveling alone
is you never the lotion
right where you want it.
I'm doing just fine.
Ah.
Ah, well in that case, do
you mind putting a little
on the small of my back?
During the war, I
got wound down here.
The sun hits, it just
burns it right away.
I'm really not looking for
a shipboard romance, Mr...
Bond. James Bond.
Actually, my name is Rick Simon,
and I already know your name.
How clever of you.
Well, I get paid to be clever.
I'm a private investigator.
Is that really the truth?
Of course it is.
I don't look like
the kind of fellow
who would say just anything
to have his way with you, do I?
Let me put it this way.
I haven't found a war
wound down here yet.
Ah, excuse me.
Hey. Hey!
Why aren't you guys with Mom?
Because she's getting a massage.
All right, look. You
don't have to steal food
off other people's plates, okay?
You hungry, charge
it to the room, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Don't go overboard.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ah.
16 degrees, be advised.
A barometric
measurement of 44 milibars
was taken at 1900 hours
Pacific standard time.
This condition is expected
to moderate conditions...
[Morse code]
[Morse code]
[long beep]
Operation Sunburst is on course.
Oh, hi.
Uh, excuse me.
I must of made a
wrong turn or something.
You guys know where the
communications room is?
You know, the
ship to shore radio?
Yeah, it's across the deck
and then back
down to your right.
- What, back this way
and then turn right?
- Yeah.
Oh, you need a light?
Here you go.
[Morse code]
Is that you're beeper going off,
or am I hearing things?
As a matter of fact, it is.
Yep, probably my wife.
I think she needs some
help with her zipper.
Right.
Let's go.
Nobody moves, and nobody dies.
We've got the helm.
Where is Hamlet?
Bring him before us.
I hear you speak
of my nose, sir.
Rude, ungentlemanly things.
Have you no poetry in your soul?
Do you not recognize greatness
when it projects itself?
- It is the nose...
- I don't remember him
in Hamlet.
Is that your nephew?
A veritable peninsula.
Are there whispers?
They mock me.
Do not crowd me, knaves,
For as I end my
refrain... thrust home.
Arnold Corrigan,
thou hast been served.
As I end my refrain, knave,
I shall thrust home.
Good fool.
Thou shalt have sixpence.
A pox on both your houses.
A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
[applause]
Where is Hamlet?
Bring him before us.
Were you able to reach A.J.?
Ah, radio is still on the fritz.
Thank you.
Start without me.
You left without ever seeing
my war wound this afternoon.
Where you badly
burned, Mr. Simon?
Oh, yeah.
Be a lot less painful
if you dance with me.
A little pain is always good
if it serves as a warning
to be more cautious.
There's not much
chance of that, lady.
God, he's a little late tonight.
After all, it is
a first night out.
So many little
things can go wrong.
[Lester] Coffee time.
What a group. I can hardly wait
for the cha-cha
contest to begin.
Damn it, Lester. We were
looking forward to some coffee.
I'm terribly sorry.
I'd be delight to
get you a refill.
No, no. Maybe later, Lester.
Right now, we need you to
take a message to the Captain.
I'm traveling alone.
I don't know anyone on the ship.
I just thought I'd take a
chance. I'm Dudly Fuller.
Well, I'm very pleased
to meet you Mr. Fuller.
And no, you're not
being too forward.
Is this your first cruise?
Oh, my last, probably.
You probably don't notice it,
but these ships rock and torque.
No, I hadn't noticed.
Well, it's terrible on the back.
Of course, flying is
not all that much better.
With flying, you
get pitch and yaw.
It's hard to know which
is the less aggravating,
rock and torque
or pitch and yaw.
But I wonder.
What?
Well, maybe it isn't the
ships and the planes.
Maybe it's just
the traveling alone.
Are you flirting
with me, Mr. Fuller?
You mind? Makes my
back feel more relaxed.
Here I was, ladies
and gentlemen,
eye-to-eye with this
enormous iceberg.
An early grave waiting
for us in the waters below.
But up on the bridge, all the...
Excuse me, sir.
- Um, may I see you for a
moment, please - Later, Lester.
Later.
I'm sorry. Where was I?
Ah, yes. Up on the bridge,
all of the instruments
frozen solid.
Nothing to go on except
sheer guts and savvy,
- guts, and...
- Excuse me, sir.
I really needed to speak
to you right away. I'm sorry.
Ahem, excuse me for a moment.
How many times have I told you
not to interrupt me in the
middle of my iceberg story?
This is a dire emergency, sir.
What?
[whispers]
What?
Do you mind, friend?
Song's almost over.
It's hardly worth it.
Well, I'm afraid I
really must insist.
Well, I'm afraid I
really must decline.
I'll humor him.
Everything all right?
Practically.
Except for a little gun play down
in the engine room. Nobody hurt.
But they shot the hell out
of the water supply tanks.
Really, a private detective
like one of those guys
who's always finding a dead body
in the truck of his car.
Sometimes I've even been
known to find two at a time.
Oh, really.
Excuse me, fella. But she's not
supposed to dance with strangers.
Ah.
Um, he's not a stranger,
Bucky. He's a private detective.
Maybe you can hire
him to follow the guy
that your wife's
hired to follow us.
Would you cool it,
Melody. Just cool it.
Now, look, it's okay.
I think I got a fish bone
caught in my throat anyway.
- Mom, where are the girls?
- There.
Oh.
It's all right. I'll find them.
Got nothing better to do.
Boy, am I having a good time.
Oh, no.
Not this.
My father can't go on keeping
us apart, and nobody can.
Margery, why don't
you and Dianne
just go back inside
and join Mom, okay?
No, you can't make me.
I love Nick.
No one is asking
you to stop loving him.
I just want you
to go back inside.
No, I'm staying here with him.
Listen, in a minute, my
mom is going to start worrying.
Then she's going to start blaming
herself because you ran off.
Now, if you don't go back
inside right now and sit down,
you're going to force me to do
something I really don't want to do.
You're going to force me to throw
this young man over the side of the ship.
You wouldn't dare.
Don't you just hate it
when women say stuff like that?
Stop it! You're hurting him!
No, I'm not.
Now, look, just go on
back in there, okay?
Just go on back, okay?
I'll come for you later.
You okay?
You're not so tough.
You know, this would
all be a lot simpler
if you could stop acting
like a deep dish pain
in the back pocket
for just a minute.
Now, if I turn you
over to the Captain,
he's going to lock you up,
and then you're not
going to see Margery
until we get back to San Diego.
Let's take a walk and
have a serious talk.
We destroyed your
satellite navigation gear,
and we've been steering a
new course for 30 minutes.
You have no idea
where we are. No one will.
And if someone should
ask you why we've turned,
tell them you're skirting
a low pressure cell
coming out of the Gulf.
Is that clear?
Yes.
And I think it's time you and I
send a message to
the owners of this vessel
and let them know how much money
it's going to cost
them to keep it afloat.
A.J., good, you're home.
Yo, Town.
How's it going?
Oh, Town.
I'm sorry. I didn't know
it had come to this.
Look, I'm fresh out of Muskatel.
On the other hand, I
do have a nice ebullient
little cabernet you
might be amused by.
What do you want from
me? I cover the waterfront.
Didn't have time to
change No kidding.
Where you going?
Well, I figure if I can catch
the last flight down to Cabo,
I can, uh... I can be
onboard the Sunburst
and in time for the big review.
Well, let's see. Rick
has been on board,
oh, 12 hours by now.
That means he has annoyed
at least a dozen women.
Probably really offended
two or three others.
Will you stop
limbering up your libido
long enough to listen to me?
We got problems.
Well, if you want me to
cover the waterfront with you,
I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
This is the first vacation
I've had in months,
and I'll be damned if I'm
going to let Rick have all the fun.
I don't think he's
going to have any fun.
Are you kidding?
Rick is probably
leading the conga line
around the promenade
deck even now. Ha ha!
A.J... Uh, Sunburst
has been hijacked.
It's for real, man.
I don't know if
anyone has been hurt
or where they are.
A task force is
getting set up right now
over the shipping office
to handle communications.
I thought I'd go over in an
official capacity to help out.
I'd figure you might
want to come along.
Yes, thank you.
Let me get my stuff.
Yeah.
You seen my gun?
You know I have. It's a
long one. Six shots, very nice.
No, not since
you hid it in there.
Somebody has been
through this room.
[knocking]
Somebody who knew
what they were doing.
Have you seen the water?
What about the water?
Uh, come in.
It's just about the
most disgusting thing
I've ever seen in my life.
I'm not brushing
my teeth in that stuff.
We call the steward over
an hour ago to complain.
Nothing. Nobody.
What's going on? Can't
any of you people sleep?
The water is brown, and
my transistor radio is missing.
I can't find mine, either.
I think we ought to go back
to our cabins. Get some sleep.
It's been a very
exciting first day.
I know it has been for me.
We should go see the Captain.
- Girls...
- Mom, Mom, uh, Mom.
Listen, I'll handle
this. I want to find out
who's been letting their
fingers do the walking
through our stuff.
- This is, uh...
- Nick.
Nick, this is my mom.
Nick is a stowaway.
He is also the kid we're supposed
to be keeping Margery away from.
Excuse me.
Captain.
Yes, what is it?
It's after 1, you know?
Sorry about that, but several of us
have had things taken from our rooms.
Oh, well, um...
All right, we'll talk to the
purser about it in the morning.
No, we will not wait until
the morning, Captain.
Now, somebody on this ship,
maybe even somebody in
your crew, has been stealing.
We never did finish our
dance. Did we, Mr. Simon?
$10 million by noon tomorrow.
That's right.
No, they haven't told
us where to deliver it yet.
Okay.
Air rescue's got
a fix on a ship.
- Are you Mr. Callaway?
- Yes.
Lieutenant Brown, SDPD.
This is A.J. Simon.
- Mr. Simon.
- How do you do, sir?
I have relatives
on board the boat.
Lieutenant, what
are you doing to me?
I mean, this is tough enough
without bringing in relatives.
He's a private
investigator, Mr. Callaway.
And so is his brother who
happens to on board your ship.
I think that could
be valuable to you.
I'm terribly sorry about
all this, Mr. Simon.
But I would appreciate if
you would go home and wait.
I'm not gonna go home
and sit on my hands
until I know that mother
and brother are safe.
You're going to
leave here right now.
I want official people only
in this room. Is that clear?
Raise your right
hand, repeat after me.
- I'm a deputy.
- I'm a deputy.
You're a deputy.
What?
Oh, damn it.
That ship air rescue has been tracking
is a tramp-steamer out of Monterey.
It was stolen two
days ago. It's a decoy.
Where the hell is my ship?
What kind of leak?
Chlorine, Mrs. Simon.
Our water treatment
compressor broke down.
It's located near
the Captain's cabin.
Your son and the others were walking
through it when the leak occurred.
Mrs. Simon, you didn't have
to come all the way down here.
This really isn't very
serious, you know?
Well, it sounds serious to me.
We're administrating
oxygen to everyone,
just as a precautionary measure.
Well, I like to see
Rick, if it's all right.
I... I don't think that's
very advisable, ma'am.
With all due respect
to your rank, Captain.
When it comes to my son,
I take orders from no one.
Yes, but...
Are you all right?
Oh, yeah, just a little
nauseated, Cecilia, you know.
Oh, uh... Well,
are the girls okay?
Oh, sure they're
fine. Uh, listen, Nick.
Why don't you
give her dad a call
and tell him not to worry?
I know how much he'd
like to hear from you.
Oh, yes. That's a good idea.
And we'll see you
in the morning, then.
I'll count on that, Cecilia.
He'll be right as rain in the morning,
Mrs. Simon. Believe me, now...
You did well, Captain.
Now get topside.
Packer, you know
what you are, don't you?
You're a disgrace to
yourself and to the line.
I got tired of waiting to
be promoted, Skipper.
So I promoted myself.
I see.
It seems to me under
the circumstances,
we should try and conserve
our strength. Get some rest.
We could take this door out.
You, me, Bucky. There they wouldn't
be expecting trouble on the outside.
Those men are armed, Mr. Simon.
Maybe we would be
able to surprise them,
but certainly at least one
or two of us will be killed.
Isn't that true
Oh, Lester. Just the
man I want to see.
- I'm off duty.
- Now you're going to tell us
what's going on around here.
They see me talking to
you, they're going to kill me.
We want to know who's
involved, who we can we trust,
who we can get to help?
And the only weapon we
got is a bottle of champagne.
Wait, uh, I got a pocket knife.
Well, it's not
much of an arsenal.
Well, they have guns.
Oh, Lester, give
me your suspenders.
"The money is to be delivered
to the following location:
"exactly 31 degrees
north latitude,
"115 degrees 17
minutes west longitude.
"We have begun to flood the
forward cargo holds of the Sunburst.
"If the money is not delivered
promptly at 12:00 noon,
"we will not inform you
of the location of the ship,
and it will sink with
all the souls on board."
Our ransom instructions
have been sent.
Signal the pick-up boat to
be along side at 1100 hours.
Aye, aye.
[knocking]
Morning.
Can we send a
message back to shore?
I'm sorry, son. Our
transmitter is still out.
Honey, that's the
oldest trick in the book.
The transmitter
is working just fine.
I think I can figure
this baby out.
Just a little bigger version
of my dad's ham set.
But where are we?
Give some landmarks.
Something on shore.
We passed a lighthouse about 20
minutes before the ship engines stop.
Tell them two long blinks
followed by short blinks.
SOS. This is SS Sunburst. SOS.
Ah, Melody, we
ever get out of this,
I promise you I'm
going to divorce my wife.
You know, for two
years, that's all I live for.
Now I finally hear you say it,
and I realize I don't
love you, Bucky.
All I want is for a
second chance in life.
I just hope it isn't too late.
You know, it's funny, Dianne.
I really miss Nick a lot, but I
think I miss my dad even more.
I keep on thinking how he's going
to cry if we don't come home okay.
Oh, I feel so sick.
I think I'm going to
die. I drank the water.
[groans]
Breakfast for the patient.
I think I hear something.
It's locked, Rick.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, Mom, step out of the way.
Nice work.
Nick, are you okay?
Everybody freeze where you are.
Fuller, you're with them.
I'm afraid so. Marla wanted
me to keep an eye on you.
And you used me to do it.
Well, my apologies, Cecilia.
But there's a great
deal more at stake here
than just a passing fancy.
Uh-huh.
Got it.
We just picked up signal
from a freighter off
the coast of Mexico.
They were getting a
SOS from the Sunburst.
And they gave a
lighthouse as a landmark.
Okay, they're talking about
the San Miguel's lighthouse here.
Alert the planes. Move
the Coast Guard that way,
and tell them to
get ready to attack.
Wait a minute.
- I thought I told you...
- Well, wait a minute.
You're talking about a
full-scale naval engagement here.
I mean, have you stop
to consider the cost?
I mean, how many passengers
are you prepared to lose here?
10 percent?
20 percent?
- Now, look.
- No, you look!
I've got a mother and a
brother on board that boat.
I want to know what price
you're prepared to pay.
You got another way.
I do.
Well, you said you had
the Navy standing by.
Just have a couple
of special unit SEALS.
Well armed in scuba gear.
They can sneak onto the ship,
marshal forces, and
attack with surprise.
Can you get them there
without being seen?
By helicopter. Drop
them with water sleds,
just out of sight of the ship.
I know this thing can work.
I must of been involved in
a dozen simulations like this
- when I was in the Navy.
- Oh, come on.
We got less than four
hours. I can't find someone
and get them in
the air that fast.
Maybe.
Whoa, now. Just hold on.
When I said I was
involved in the simulations,
I was the guy with
the stop watch.
I didn't go in the
water that much.
Yeah, but you remember
the run-through.
Yeah, I guess I can improvise
it on a wing and a prayer.
But I'll need a partner, someone
who knows what he's doing.
You're looking at him.
Someone who
knows what he's doing.
You're looking at him.
Hey, come on. I swim. I scuba.
Hey, Town, I'm
the man that served
the papers on Arnold Corrigan.
What more do you want?
Are you big on prayer?
That's my strong suit.
Okay, fine.
[door closing]
Where are we?
We're in the forward hold.
Hey, maybe one of us could
climb through that hatch.
Somebody small.
Yeah, and somebody strong.
I can do it.
Well, I can.
I was always climbing trees,
exploring new places
when I was little.
It has been a long
time. I'd like to try.
I got a hunch you still
got what it takes, Melody.
What do you think you're doing?
You'll be coming with us.
It's a little added insurance,
and in case the company decides
to play games with the ransom.
Take him to his
quarters and secure him.
We got enough ammo?
We got enough to invade Grenada.
- Everything is water proof.
- What is this thing?
That's a grappling gun.
It shoots the hook
up to grab the rail.
We climb up the rope.
What happens if
it misses the rail?
How long can you tread water?
Gotcha.
Okay, guys. Want to get
this stuff to the chopper.
Look I got us the
best pilot on the force.
Good. Who is he?
My cousin. Adam Ground Brown.
What a family?
I've filled out a little bit
since I was a little girl.
[grunt]
- Uh, Melody you're...
- Don't look up.
I'm not looking up. You're going
to have to wiggle around a little bit.
You know, squirm.
Give it the old bump and grind,
like in an aerobics class.
I made it!
- You didn't...
- No.
- Is she?
- Uh-mm.
Ah.
Lester, what are
you doing there?
I'm sorting my socks.
What do think I'm doing?
I'm hiding from those maniacs.
All right, look, uh... This part
of the ship seems pretty secure.
I want you guys to
stay here with Lester.
I'm going to take a look around.
I'll go with you.
No, you will not come with me.
You will stay here.
How are you going to make me?
Did you ever see
a kid so stubborn?
Yes.
Oh, you're a big help.
You, stay put.
I've been looking for you.
All right, I give up. You're
working for them, too.
I can't find the fantail.
- Trap shooting, remember?
- Right, right.
Uh, trap shooting.
You got any
shells for this thing?
I'm not allowed to have live
ammunition. Not at my age.
Ah, damn.
What the hell are
you doing here?
Didn't I tell you stay put.
Look, Mr. Simon.
With all due respect,
I know you're very
worried about your mother,
but I also have someone on this
ship that I care very much about.
I don't whether you
want me here or not.
You got me.
All right, kid, you
stick close to me.
Uh.
Listen, I know this is
going to sound weird,
but I'm going to have
to ask you a favor, okay?
Aah!
You enjoying the cruise so far?
And what took you so long?
Where's Mom?
She's all right.
Hey, kid.
Kid, he's one of us.
Sorry. Sorry, man.
Uh, look, let's
tie these guys up.
And, uh, you go back and tell the
others everything is going to be okay.
Hey, I told you already.
I'm going with you.
Ah, jeez.
It's a little extra baggage
our friend Margery
brought along.
- Oh, boy.
- Yeah, after this all over,
will give him a proper
introduction to her father.
But for right now,
those people back there don't
care how macho you think you are.
They're scared.
And if you any sense
at all, you be scared, too.
Now, you get back there and tell
them everything is going to be okay.
Move!
Urg.
Um, keep your hat down.
I can't see if I
keep my hat down.
I'll let you know if
there's anything worth...
- Keep your hat down.
- Dag nabbit.
They're loose.
[Marla] Get them.
You think she saw us?
Ah.
[A.J.] Hold it.
Put them down.
Hold it.
Come on, put them down.
Put them down now.
Up against the wall.
- Up against the wall.
- Other wall!
All right, you guys got this?
Yeah, you bet.
Piece of cake.
I got one more name
on my dance card.
You know, Mr. Simon, I
can never forgive you for this.
And I had such
high hopes for us.
I rarely underestimate men.
And when I do, I usually
end up falling in love with them
Is that a proposition?
You and me and $10 million.
There are worse specs.
I know 20 countries where
we can live like royalty...
Thanks, A.J.
Oh, you're welcome.
That doesn't change my offer.
Mm.
[sigh]
You know, A.J. these ship board romances
aren't everything they're crack up to be.
I'm not so sure about that.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
and I expect her to
come back that way.
[Narrator] Tonight
on Simon and Simon.
I'm really not looking for
a shipboard romance, Mr...
Bond. James Bond.
Arnold Corrigan,
thou hast been served.
As I end my refrain, knave,
I shall thrust home.
We've got the helm.
I've got a mother and brother
on board that boat.
When it comes to my son,
I take orders from no one.
♪♪ [theme]
[Morse code]
[Morse code]
You know I don't
care what you say.
I know she's not
telling the truth.
Yeah, they're all
lies. They're all lies...
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Does one of you gentlemen
happen to have a light?
- I seemed to have
forgot my matches.
- All right.
Thank you.
Operation Sunburst is on course.
Nobody moves, and nobody dies.
Hold it!
Hold it!
That's enough.
You were 20 seconds behind.
You were trying to make up time.
You were surprised
by the ship's whistle,
and you didn't confirm the
engine room was secure.
So you're dead.
Where did the security
guards come from, Marla?
There aren't going to
be any on the Sunburst.
Not as far as we know,
but things change.
If we run this operation
the way it's supposed to be run,
only the Captain
and a few of his crew
will ever know we've hit them.
And that means we have
to anticipate any eventuality.
Okay, back it up
and do it again.
This time we got it,
A.J. Corrigan is smart.
- This time we got him.
- I don't know.
The subpoena ain't
served till the fat lady sings.
We've been trying
for three days.
We haven't even gotten close.
Yeah, well, so our ground
game's a little weak.
All we got to now is come
up with a little razzle-dazzle.
Well, let's get this over with
and get on that on board
that cruise ship tomorrow.
That is my kind of assignment.
Let's hurry it up here.
Okay.
Hello, Mr. Corrigan.
How do you do?
Doctor Lippincott will
be in in just a moment.
I'm nurse Bob.
I will be cleaning your teeth.
[gurgles]
Yes, yes, I know.
Doctor Lippincott, I think
Mr. Corrigan is ready.
Arnold Corrigan, you
have been served.
You're not Arnold Corrigan.
Damn right I'm not.
But I got a message from him.
Only one thing Mr. Corrigan
hates more than deadbeat
sleaze bags like you two.
He hates going to court.
But if he's going to court,
it's going to be a good reason.
Get my drift?
Stay away from Mr. Corrigan.
Well, there goes the cruise.
Well, just for one of us.
Why don't we flip for it?
You're heads. I'm tails.
I've been saying that for years.
My only interest is the safety
and the well-being of my
daughter and her friend.
I understand
perfectly, Mr. Bishop.
I assure you the woman that we have
selected for this assignment is the best.
Besides which, as soon
as I wrap up this case,
I'll be flying down to
Mexico to join the ship.
- Hey, hey.
- Look Dad.
Mrs. Simon got us
both sunglasses.
And a voyage size
bottle of Dramamine.
Okay, time to get a move on.
Okay, ladies. Ladies.
Hmm.
It's very important to me
that Margery have a
good time on this cruise.
I don't want any
complications of any kind.
Well, like I told you on the
phone, we guarantee our work.
Well, I don't want to seem like the
proverbial doting father, Mr. Simon,
but Margery's been
dating a young man
that I seriously disapprove of.
This trip is the opening salvo
in an attempt to
sink that romance.
I halfway expected him to show up
here and create some kind of a scene.
Mom will just mother her
out of that little infatuation.
Well, she's my little girl,
and I expect her to
come back that way.
Do I make myself clear?
Oh, yeah.
[Man] ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?
Please stop at the
purser's office on C deck
to reserve first or
second seating for dinner.
[humming]
Our duty-free shops
will be open as soon
we have sailed 3 miles...
Mr. and Mrs. Simon.
- Yes.
- No.
Uh, she's my mother.
Well, go for you.
Well, would you like to
buy some luggage today?
Oh, sorry. Come on in.
Give Lester a tip, Rick.
That's for the
girls next door, too.
Bon voyage, Alonso.
Who the hell is Alonso?
[humming]
Ladies and Gentlemen,
may I have your
attention, please?
Psst, mister.
Are the any single
women on board?
- Always.
- Ah, great.
Most of them your mother's age.
That's not so good.
Listen, there's this one.
Uh, came on right after I did.
Tall, blonde, uh...
Well, you won't exactly call her
figure boyish, you know what I mean.
I think I heard
somebody call her Marla.
Uh, heartbreak hotel,
pal. Marla Combie.
Combie. Combie.
Third trip this season.
Many have tried.
Many have failed.
My bet, she's got a sugar
daddy she visits down in Cabo.
Be my guest, though.
I mean, who knows?
You just might be her type.
Ah, what a pleasant thought.
I appreciate the advice,
Lester. Here you go.
Combie. Combie.
[humming]
[humming]
Lester, are there many
single men aboard?
Always.
Most of them your son's age.
I mean, who knows?
You might get lucky.
You're still in
pretty good shape.
Please report any
missing luggage
to your cabin stewart.
[humming You must
be the girls next door.
What do you got in the
trunk? The boy next door?
Did I pack this
think unconsciously?
No, I did.
Well, you know Mother
fusses after her sons.
Besides, I thought
you'd like to have it.
Mom, we're gonna
be going into Mexico.
Now, if they happen
to find this thing,
you're going to
be fussing over me
from our cells at the
Jalapo State Prison.
Besides, I certainly
won't need this
to baby-sit a couple
of 16-year-old girls.
Rick, you don't
know how dangerous
a 16-year-old girl can be.
Get me out of here. I just
spent a hour on my head.
[Mrs. Simon] Girls,
need any help?
No, I don't think so.
Well, I'm in the next
room if you need anything.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Bye.
Got anything to eat?
We have some new intelligence
about the Coast
Guard patrol for tonight.
They'll be working the
quadrants north of us.
It means a change
of operational course
for the decoy ship.
Skeet?
Beg your pardon.
Do you like to shoot trap?
Well, I haven't done
it that much. No, sir.
I always shoot trap at sea.
Ever since my first
cruise. I was only 17.
I fell in love on
that first cruise.
French film actress.
I set the ship's record
for consecutive hits.
211.
Wow, that's... that's terrific.
Excuse me a minute. I see
a friend of mine over here.
You know, the trouble
with traveling alone
is you never the lotion
right where you want it.
I'm doing just fine.
Ah.
Ah, well in that case, do
you mind putting a little
on the small of my back?
During the war, I
got wound down here.
The sun hits, it just
burns it right away.
I'm really not looking for
a shipboard romance, Mr...
Bond. James Bond.
Actually, my name is Rick Simon,
and I already know your name.
How clever of you.
Well, I get paid to be clever.
I'm a private investigator.
Is that really the truth?
Of course it is.
I don't look like
the kind of fellow
who would say just anything
to have his way with you, do I?
Let me put it this way.
I haven't found a war
wound down here yet.
Ah, excuse me.
Hey. Hey!
Why aren't you guys with Mom?
Because she's getting a massage.
All right, look. You
don't have to steal food
off other people's plates, okay?
You hungry, charge
it to the room, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Don't go overboard.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ah.
16 degrees, be advised.
A barometric
measurement of 44 milibars
was taken at 1900 hours
Pacific standard time.
This condition is expected
to moderate conditions...
[Morse code]
[Morse code]
[long beep]
Operation Sunburst is on course.
Oh, hi.
Uh, excuse me.
I must of made a
wrong turn or something.
You guys know where the
communications room is?
You know, the
ship to shore radio?
Yeah, it's across the deck
and then back
down to your right.
- What, back this way
and then turn right?
- Yeah.
Oh, you need a light?
Here you go.
[Morse code]
Is that you're beeper going off,
or am I hearing things?
As a matter of fact, it is.
Yep, probably my wife.
I think she needs some
help with her zipper.
Right.
Let's go.
Nobody moves, and nobody dies.
We've got the helm.
Where is Hamlet?
Bring him before us.
I hear you speak
of my nose, sir.
Rude, ungentlemanly things.
Have you no poetry in your soul?
Do you not recognize greatness
when it projects itself?
- It is the nose...
- I don't remember him
in Hamlet.
Is that your nephew?
A veritable peninsula.
Are there whispers?
They mock me.
Do not crowd me, knaves,
For as I end my
refrain... thrust home.
Arnold Corrigan,
thou hast been served.
As I end my refrain, knave,
I shall thrust home.
Good fool.
Thou shalt have sixpence.
A pox on both your houses.
A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
[applause]
Where is Hamlet?
Bring him before us.
Were you able to reach A.J.?
Ah, radio is still on the fritz.
Thank you.
Start without me.
You left without ever seeing
my war wound this afternoon.
Where you badly
burned, Mr. Simon?
Oh, yeah.
Be a lot less painful
if you dance with me.
A little pain is always good
if it serves as a warning
to be more cautious.
There's not much
chance of that, lady.
God, he's a little late tonight.
After all, it is
a first night out.
So many little
things can go wrong.
[Lester] Coffee time.
What a group. I can hardly wait
for the cha-cha
contest to begin.
Damn it, Lester. We were
looking forward to some coffee.
I'm terribly sorry.
I'd be delight to
get you a refill.
No, no. Maybe later, Lester.
Right now, we need you to
take a message to the Captain.
I'm traveling alone.
I don't know anyone on the ship.
I just thought I'd take a
chance. I'm Dudly Fuller.
Well, I'm very pleased
to meet you Mr. Fuller.
And no, you're not
being too forward.
Is this your first cruise?
Oh, my last, probably.
You probably don't notice it,
but these ships rock and torque.
No, I hadn't noticed.
Well, it's terrible on the back.
Of course, flying is
not all that much better.
With flying, you
get pitch and yaw.
It's hard to know which
is the less aggravating,
rock and torque
or pitch and yaw.
But I wonder.
What?
Well, maybe it isn't the
ships and the planes.
Maybe it's just
the traveling alone.
Are you flirting
with me, Mr. Fuller?
You mind? Makes my
back feel more relaxed.
Here I was, ladies
and gentlemen,
eye-to-eye with this
enormous iceberg.
An early grave waiting
for us in the waters below.
But up on the bridge, all the...
Excuse me, sir.
- Um, may I see you for a
moment, please - Later, Lester.
Later.
I'm sorry. Where was I?
Ah, yes. Up on the bridge,
all of the instruments
frozen solid.
Nothing to go on except
sheer guts and savvy,
- guts, and...
- Excuse me, sir.
I really needed to speak
to you right away. I'm sorry.
Ahem, excuse me for a moment.
How many times have I told you
not to interrupt me in the
middle of my iceberg story?
This is a dire emergency, sir.
What?
[whispers]
What?
Do you mind, friend?
Song's almost over.
It's hardly worth it.
Well, I'm afraid I
really must insist.
Well, I'm afraid I
really must decline.
I'll humor him.
Everything all right?
Practically.
Except for a little gun play down
in the engine room. Nobody hurt.
But they shot the hell out
of the water supply tanks.
Really, a private detective
like one of those guys
who's always finding a dead body
in the truck of his car.
Sometimes I've even been
known to find two at a time.
Oh, really.
Excuse me, fella. But she's not
supposed to dance with strangers.
Ah.
Um, he's not a stranger,
Bucky. He's a private detective.
Maybe you can hire
him to follow the guy
that your wife's
hired to follow us.
Would you cool it,
Melody. Just cool it.
Now, look, it's okay.
I think I got a fish bone
caught in my throat anyway.
- Mom, where are the girls?
- There.
Oh.
It's all right. I'll find them.
Got nothing better to do.
Boy, am I having a good time.
Oh, no.
Not this.
My father can't go on keeping
us apart, and nobody can.
Margery, why don't
you and Dianne
just go back inside
and join Mom, okay?
No, you can't make me.
I love Nick.
No one is asking
you to stop loving him.
I just want you
to go back inside.
No, I'm staying here with him.
Listen, in a minute, my
mom is going to start worrying.
Then she's going to start blaming
herself because you ran off.
Now, if you don't go back
inside right now and sit down,
you're going to force me to do
something I really don't want to do.
You're going to force me to throw
this young man over the side of the ship.
You wouldn't dare.
Don't you just hate it
when women say stuff like that?
Stop it! You're hurting him!
No, I'm not.
Now, look, just go on
back in there, okay?
Just go on back, okay?
I'll come for you later.
You okay?
You're not so tough.
You know, this would
all be a lot simpler
if you could stop acting
like a deep dish pain
in the back pocket
for just a minute.
Now, if I turn you
over to the Captain,
he's going to lock you up,
and then you're not
going to see Margery
until we get back to San Diego.
Let's take a walk and
have a serious talk.
We destroyed your
satellite navigation gear,
and we've been steering a
new course for 30 minutes.
You have no idea
where we are. No one will.
And if someone should
ask you why we've turned,
tell them you're skirting
a low pressure cell
coming out of the Gulf.
Is that clear?
Yes.
And I think it's time you and I
send a message to
the owners of this vessel
and let them know how much money
it's going to cost
them to keep it afloat.
A.J., good, you're home.
Yo, Town.
How's it going?
Oh, Town.
I'm sorry. I didn't know
it had come to this.
Look, I'm fresh out of Muskatel.
On the other hand, I
do have a nice ebullient
little cabernet you
might be amused by.
What do you want from
me? I cover the waterfront.
Didn't have time to
change No kidding.
Where you going?
Well, I figure if I can catch
the last flight down to Cabo,
I can, uh... I can be
onboard the Sunburst
and in time for the big review.
Well, let's see. Rick
has been on board,
oh, 12 hours by now.
That means he has annoyed
at least a dozen women.
Probably really offended
two or three others.
Will you stop
limbering up your libido
long enough to listen to me?
We got problems.
Well, if you want me to
cover the waterfront with you,
I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
This is the first vacation
I've had in months,
and I'll be damned if I'm
going to let Rick have all the fun.
I don't think he's
going to have any fun.
Are you kidding?
Rick is probably
leading the conga line
around the promenade
deck even now. Ha ha!
A.J... Uh, Sunburst
has been hijacked.
It's for real, man.
I don't know if
anyone has been hurt
or where they are.
A task force is
getting set up right now
over the shipping office
to handle communications.
I thought I'd go over in an
official capacity to help out.
I'd figure you might
want to come along.
Yes, thank you.
Let me get my stuff.
Yeah.
You seen my gun?
You know I have. It's a
long one. Six shots, very nice.
No, not since
you hid it in there.
Somebody has been
through this room.
[knocking]
Somebody who knew
what they were doing.
Have you seen the water?
What about the water?
Uh, come in.
It's just about the
most disgusting thing
I've ever seen in my life.
I'm not brushing
my teeth in that stuff.
We call the steward over
an hour ago to complain.
Nothing. Nobody.
What's going on? Can't
any of you people sleep?
The water is brown, and
my transistor radio is missing.
I can't find mine, either.
I think we ought to go back
to our cabins. Get some sleep.
It's been a very
exciting first day.
I know it has been for me.
We should go see the Captain.
- Girls...
- Mom, Mom, uh, Mom.
Listen, I'll handle
this. I want to find out
who's been letting their
fingers do the walking
through our stuff.
- This is, uh...
- Nick.
Nick, this is my mom.
Nick is a stowaway.
He is also the kid we're supposed
to be keeping Margery away from.
Excuse me.
Captain.
Yes, what is it?
It's after 1, you know?
Sorry about that, but several of us
have had things taken from our rooms.
Oh, well, um...
All right, we'll talk to the
purser about it in the morning.
No, we will not wait until
the morning, Captain.
Now, somebody on this ship,
maybe even somebody in
your crew, has been stealing.
We never did finish our
dance. Did we, Mr. Simon?
$10 million by noon tomorrow.
That's right.
No, they haven't told
us where to deliver it yet.
Okay.
Air rescue's got
a fix on a ship.
- Are you Mr. Callaway?
- Yes.
Lieutenant Brown, SDPD.
This is A.J. Simon.
- Mr. Simon.
- How do you do, sir?
I have relatives
on board the boat.
Lieutenant, what
are you doing to me?
I mean, this is tough enough
without bringing in relatives.
He's a private
investigator, Mr. Callaway.
And so is his brother who
happens to on board your ship.
I think that could
be valuable to you.
I'm terribly sorry about
all this, Mr. Simon.
But I would appreciate if
you would go home and wait.
I'm not gonna go home
and sit on my hands
until I know that mother
and brother are safe.
You're going to
leave here right now.
I want official people only
in this room. Is that clear?
Raise your right
hand, repeat after me.
- I'm a deputy.
- I'm a deputy.
You're a deputy.
What?
Oh, damn it.
That ship air rescue has been tracking
is a tramp-steamer out of Monterey.
It was stolen two
days ago. It's a decoy.
Where the hell is my ship?
What kind of leak?
Chlorine, Mrs. Simon.
Our water treatment
compressor broke down.
It's located near
the Captain's cabin.
Your son and the others were walking
through it when the leak occurred.
Mrs. Simon, you didn't have
to come all the way down here.
This really isn't very
serious, you know?
Well, it sounds serious to me.
We're administrating
oxygen to everyone,
just as a precautionary measure.
Well, I like to see
Rick, if it's all right.
I... I don't think that's
very advisable, ma'am.
With all due respect
to your rank, Captain.
When it comes to my son,
I take orders from no one.
Yes, but...
Are you all right?
Oh, yeah, just a little
nauseated, Cecilia, you know.
Oh, uh... Well,
are the girls okay?
Oh, sure they're
fine. Uh, listen, Nick.
Why don't you
give her dad a call
and tell him not to worry?
I know how much he'd
like to hear from you.
Oh, yes. That's a good idea.
And we'll see you
in the morning, then.
I'll count on that, Cecilia.
He'll be right as rain in the morning,
Mrs. Simon. Believe me, now...
You did well, Captain.
Now get topside.
Packer, you know
what you are, don't you?
You're a disgrace to
yourself and to the line.
I got tired of waiting to
be promoted, Skipper.
So I promoted myself.
I see.
It seems to me under
the circumstances,
we should try and conserve
our strength. Get some rest.
We could take this door out.
You, me, Bucky. There they wouldn't
be expecting trouble on the outside.
Those men are armed, Mr. Simon.
Maybe we would be
able to surprise them,
but certainly at least one
or two of us will be killed.
Isn't that true
Oh, Lester. Just the
man I want to see.
- I'm off duty.
- Now you're going to tell us
what's going on around here.
They see me talking to
you, they're going to kill me.
We want to know who's
involved, who we can we trust,
who we can get to help?
And the only weapon we
got is a bottle of champagne.
Wait, uh, I got a pocket knife.
Well, it's not
much of an arsenal.
Well, they have guns.
Oh, Lester, give
me your suspenders.
"The money is to be delivered
to the following location:
"exactly 31 degrees
north latitude,
"115 degrees 17
minutes west longitude.
"We have begun to flood the
forward cargo holds of the Sunburst.
"If the money is not delivered
promptly at 12:00 noon,
"we will not inform you
of the location of the ship,
and it will sink with
all the souls on board."
Our ransom instructions
have been sent.
Signal the pick-up boat to
be along side at 1100 hours.
Aye, aye.
[knocking]
Morning.
Can we send a
message back to shore?
I'm sorry, son. Our
transmitter is still out.
Honey, that's the
oldest trick in the book.
The transmitter
is working just fine.
I think I can figure
this baby out.
Just a little bigger version
of my dad's ham set.
But where are we?
Give some landmarks.
Something on shore.
We passed a lighthouse about 20
minutes before the ship engines stop.
Tell them two long blinks
followed by short blinks.
SOS. This is SS Sunburst. SOS.
Ah, Melody, we
ever get out of this,
I promise you I'm
going to divorce my wife.
You know, for two
years, that's all I live for.
Now I finally hear you say it,
and I realize I don't
love you, Bucky.
All I want is for a
second chance in life.
I just hope it isn't too late.
You know, it's funny, Dianne.
I really miss Nick a lot, but I
think I miss my dad even more.
I keep on thinking how he's going
to cry if we don't come home okay.
Oh, I feel so sick.
I think I'm going to
die. I drank the water.
[groans]
Breakfast for the patient.
I think I hear something.
It's locked, Rick.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, Mom, step out of the way.
Nice work.
Nick, are you okay?
Everybody freeze where you are.
Fuller, you're with them.
I'm afraid so. Marla wanted
me to keep an eye on you.
And you used me to do it.
Well, my apologies, Cecilia.
But there's a great
deal more at stake here
than just a passing fancy.
Uh-huh.
Got it.
We just picked up signal
from a freighter off
the coast of Mexico.
They were getting a
SOS from the Sunburst.
And they gave a
lighthouse as a landmark.
Okay, they're talking about
the San Miguel's lighthouse here.
Alert the planes. Move
the Coast Guard that way,
and tell them to
get ready to attack.
Wait a minute.
- I thought I told you...
- Well, wait a minute.
You're talking about a
full-scale naval engagement here.
I mean, have you stop
to consider the cost?
I mean, how many passengers
are you prepared to lose here?
10 percent?
20 percent?
- Now, look.
- No, you look!
I've got a mother and a
brother on board that boat.
I want to know what price
you're prepared to pay.
You got another way.
I do.
Well, you said you had
the Navy standing by.
Just have a couple
of special unit SEALS.
Well armed in scuba gear.
They can sneak onto the ship,
marshal forces, and
attack with surprise.
Can you get them there
without being seen?
By helicopter. Drop
them with water sleds,
just out of sight of the ship.
I know this thing can work.
I must of been involved in
a dozen simulations like this
- when I was in the Navy.
- Oh, come on.
We got less than four
hours. I can't find someone
and get them in
the air that fast.
Maybe.
Whoa, now. Just hold on.
When I said I was
involved in the simulations,
I was the guy with
the stop watch.
I didn't go in the
water that much.
Yeah, but you remember
the run-through.
Yeah, I guess I can improvise
it on a wing and a prayer.
But I'll need a partner, someone
who knows what he's doing.
You're looking at him.
Someone who
knows what he's doing.
You're looking at him.
Hey, come on. I swim. I scuba.
Hey, Town, I'm
the man that served
the papers on Arnold Corrigan.
What more do you want?
Are you big on prayer?
That's my strong suit.
Okay, fine.
[door closing]
Where are we?
We're in the forward hold.
Hey, maybe one of us could
climb through that hatch.
Somebody small.
Yeah, and somebody strong.
I can do it.
Well, I can.
I was always climbing trees,
exploring new places
when I was little.
It has been a long
time. I'd like to try.
I got a hunch you still
got what it takes, Melody.
What do you think you're doing?
You'll be coming with us.
It's a little added insurance,
and in case the company decides
to play games with the ransom.
Take him to his
quarters and secure him.
We got enough ammo?
We got enough to invade Grenada.
- Everything is water proof.
- What is this thing?
That's a grappling gun.
It shoots the hook
up to grab the rail.
We climb up the rope.
What happens if
it misses the rail?
How long can you tread water?
Gotcha.
Okay, guys. Want to get
this stuff to the chopper.
Look I got us the
best pilot on the force.
Good. Who is he?
My cousin. Adam Ground Brown.
What a family?
I've filled out a little bit
since I was a little girl.
[grunt]
- Uh, Melody you're...
- Don't look up.
I'm not looking up. You're going
to have to wiggle around a little bit.
You know, squirm.
Give it the old bump and grind,
like in an aerobics class.
I made it!
- You didn't...
- No.
- Is she?
- Uh-mm.
Ah.
Lester, what are
you doing there?
I'm sorting my socks.
What do think I'm doing?
I'm hiding from those maniacs.
All right, look, uh... This part
of the ship seems pretty secure.
I want you guys to
stay here with Lester.
I'm going to take a look around.
I'll go with you.
No, you will not come with me.
You will stay here.
How are you going to make me?
Did you ever see
a kid so stubborn?
Yes.
Oh, you're a big help.
You, stay put.
I've been looking for you.
All right, I give up. You're
working for them, too.
I can't find the fantail.
- Trap shooting, remember?
- Right, right.
Uh, trap shooting.
You got any
shells for this thing?
I'm not allowed to have live
ammunition. Not at my age.
Ah, damn.
What the hell are
you doing here?
Didn't I tell you stay put.
Look, Mr. Simon.
With all due respect,
I know you're very
worried about your mother,
but I also have someone on this
ship that I care very much about.
I don't whether you
want me here or not.
You got me.
All right, kid, you
stick close to me.
Uh.
Listen, I know this is
going to sound weird,
but I'm going to have
to ask you a favor, okay?
Aah!
You enjoying the cruise so far?
And what took you so long?
Where's Mom?
She's all right.
Hey, kid.
Kid, he's one of us.
Sorry. Sorry, man.
Uh, look, let's
tie these guys up.
And, uh, you go back and tell the
others everything is going to be okay.
Hey, I told you already.
I'm going with you.
Ah, jeez.
It's a little extra baggage
our friend Margery
brought along.
- Oh, boy.
- Yeah, after this all over,
will give him a proper
introduction to her father.
But for right now,
those people back there don't
care how macho you think you are.
They're scared.
And if you any sense
at all, you be scared, too.
Now, you get back there and tell
them everything is going to be okay.
Move!
Urg.
Um, keep your hat down.
I can't see if I
keep my hat down.
I'll let you know if
there's anything worth...
- Keep your hat down.
- Dag nabbit.
They're loose.
[Marla] Get them.
You think she saw us?
Ah.
[A.J.] Hold it.
Put them down.
Hold it.
Come on, put them down.
Put them down now.
Up against the wall.
- Up against the wall.
- Other wall!
All right, you guys got this?
Yeah, you bet.
Piece of cake.
I got one more name
on my dance card.
You know, Mr. Simon, I
can never forgive you for this.
And I had such
high hopes for us.
I rarely underestimate men.
And when I do, I usually
end up falling in love with them
Is that a proposition?
You and me and $10 million.
There are worse specs.
I know 20 countries where
we can live like royalty...
Thanks, A.J.
Oh, you're welcome.
That doesn't change my offer.
Mm.
[sigh]
You know, A.J. these ship board romances
aren't everything they're crack up to be.
I'm not so sure about that.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA