Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 3, Episode 1 - Grand Illusion - full transcript
You might find
a very stiff finger
poked into those private eyes.
[woman screams]
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
You think you can climb over me and
push this punk to the top with my tricks?
Oh, you're not
getting away with this.
The only real magic is one mind
manipulating another.
Rick, come on.
This is no time to fool around.
Rick, don't fool... Ow!
[screams]
Kill the power.
♪♪ [theme music]
♪ Why do I tell myself ♪
♪ These things that happen ♪
♪ Are all really true? ♪
♪ When in my heart,
I know the magic ♪
♪ Is my love ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ [holds note] ♪
The Great Barnaby,
ladies and gentlemen.
The Great Barnaby.
That concludes round 3 of Magic
Arts Theater Tournament of Magic.
But I have asked
each of our magicians
to save their
greatest feat of magic
for their fourth
and final illusion.
And now, to astound
and perplex you
with his fourth and
final ultimate illusion,
please welcome Oliver Twist.
[applause]
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
Least, I think so.
[explosives burst]
[crowd murmurs]
I mean, sometimes I wonder.
That's why I do it...
So I can find out.
I want to know
what it feels like
to be here and then disappear.
Great magicians have always
been fascinated by death.
Is it an end or a beginning?
What is that moment of
crossing over really like?
The Great Houdini
left specific instructions
with his wife that he would
call her back after the grave,
but he never did.
Lebow, Lebow,
he's doing my trick.
Quiet.
Where's Lebow?
He's got to see this.
Are you ready?
Ready.
It is in that tradition that I've
designed my water casket,
in hopes that it will
give us an insight
into the moment of death
and the moment of rebirth.
Damn it, that's mine.
- Yeah, but that's mine.
Barnaby.
One.
Two.
Three.
Voila.
Thief. The water casket is mine.
You're not going
to steal it from me.
Stop it.
Help.
[audience chatters]
That's enough, Barnaby.
Get off him, Barnaby,
Take your hands off me.
I should have had my hands
around your throat, Lebow.
You think you can climb over me
and push this punk to
the top with my tricks?
Oh, no. No, you're not
getting away with this.
Neither damn one
of you. Come on.
You know, frankly,
I am disappointed
in this new generation
of car thieves.
They can't even
steal a sure thing.
You left your keys
in the '57 again.
Now when it was my car,
I could understand that.
That's the way
you treat my things.
But now that it is your car,
I would expect you to have
more res... more respect for...
Where'd you get
a knitting needle?
A.J., you have just
witnessed a minor miracle,
and you are worried about
where the props come from.
It's not a minor
miracle, It's a magic trick.
Well, it's a pretty
damn good magic trick.
Which, by the way, you are more
than welcome to try, if you'd care to.
No, I don't want to try it.
What, and I shudder to ask,
has rekindled your
interest in prestidigitation?
I thought you would never ask.
Well, I did.
You're looking at it.
Barnaby. One name, huh?
No, three names.
Barnaby the Great.
Remember all those magic tricks
I fooled you with
when we were kids?
Right out of that book.
Yeah, sometimes.
I saw through most of them.
Right. Well, at any rate,
Barnaby wants to hire us.
You drive.
Uh, Rick? Rick?
- Keys.
- Keys, keys,
Yes indeed. We can take the '57.
We could always take your
car, if you wanted to do that.
If you're going to drive, you'll
probably want your driver's license.
Hey, come on,
A.J. Just admit it.
I was a pretty good
magician when I was 12.
I fooled you every time.
Big accomplishment.
When you were 12, I was 6, 7.
7.
[woman screams]
[woman screams]
Did you like that one?
Uh, yeah.
That's one way to
get a guy's attention.
I can work it with anything.
Want to see a cheetah?
No.
Oh, he's only teasing.
Besides, we sold
all the cheetahs.
Good.
I'm Lorna, Barnaby's wife.
A.J. Simon.
Hi, I'm Rick.
Nice to meet you.
Mm.
Oh, no, no more
tricks. Come on, fellows.
Excuse us.
Bye bye.
If Lorna hadn't pulled
me off Twist last night,
I might not have let him up.
I've never been violent, but...
Well, I was way out of control.
Yeah, but now you've had a
chance to cool off a little bit.
I mean, what's one
magic trick, more or less?
In the case of the water casket,
if you happen to
be Oliver Twist,
it means more. A whole lot more.
I'd heard that he'd taken out
a half a million dollars'
worth of insurance on his act.
Now I know why.
He's going to win big with it.
As for me, it's back
to the old standbys.
Hell, I might as
well do this tonight.
Hell, even when I was
setting up the mirror illusion,
I knew that...
Well, it's just too complicated.
There's no time
to figure angles.
Lighting.
He can't do this to me.
I worked too long
to get where I am.
What'd you mean when you said
that Twist was going
to win with your illusion?
Well, the Tournament of Magic...
That's what we're doing.
It kicks off the booking
season every year.
If you win, you get the rich
road shows and the big clubs.
If you lose, it's a long winter
of rotary luncheons
and Boy Scout banquets.
Now, I'm 57 years old
and I'm not one
bit sorry for myself,
because I'm a
damn good magician.
I'm 57 times better than
that punk will ever be.
Now, I don't want him
to get away with this.
My wife says next year.
Well, I love her for
what she's trying to do,
but... you know what I'm saying?
Sure. You want a piece of him.
All right, we'll go after him.
But I'm still not quite sure
what's been stolen here.
I mean, Twist built
his own casket.
He didn't take yours.
It's worse than that.
He took the magic.
Somehow, he spied on me.
Took my notes. Took
the plan from Zoltan.
Besides Lorna and me,
he's the only one who
knew how the illusion worked.
Who is Zoltan?
He's a master craftsman.
He builds the props for most
major magicians in the West.
Including Twist?
Yes.
No, but he didn't know
Twist had the water casket.
And Zoltan wouldn't lie to me.
We're very old friends.
And besides, if he
gave away secrets,
he wouldn't be in the
business very long.
Well done.
Ah, it's just second nature.
Death.
We faced it together.
We caused it together.
Barnaby was young for your army,
but he was very clever.
So clever that he was OSS.
In 1945, he parachuted
into my country
to help the partisans
with sabotage.
I was in the underground.
We escaped
together in a hay car,
under the hay.
The Germans poked for
us with their pitchforks.
Here, there.
Like so.
Right into Barnaby.
But he never cried out.
I owe him my life.
And after the war, he
brought you over here?
Mm.
I had been a carpenter before,
and together we
built booby traps.
Very clever ones.
He designed them. I built them.
The shop was a natural step.
Barnaby set me up,
sent people to me,
gave me work.
I would kill for him.
Uh. Mm-hm.
Now I must test.
One of you. You.
Step inside.
[stammers]
I'll hold your coat.
Um.
I...
Uh, B-B-Barnaby and Twist
were always professional rivals,
but nothing like
this before, right?
Twist? That arrogant
young snake.
That thief. He is no magician.
Lasers, holograms.
Special effects.
If you feel anything, tell me.
You'll be the first to know.
All this gear is
pretty expensive.
How'd a young guy like
Twist get the cash up?
Maurice Lebow.
He owns the Magic Arts Theater.
Barnaby has never
been foolish enough
to take his money,
but the ones like Twist
are quick enough into his snare.
He enjoys having
them to squeeze.
And he knows how to
protect his investments.
I don't follow you.
Lebow arranged the
order of appearance.
Last night, he made sure
that Twist went before Barnaby.
That way, Twist did
the water casket first.
Guy not only stacks the
deck, he owns the card factory.
Could I just try one of these?
No. No.
See if I've still got the touch.
Rick, come on. I'm serious.
I'm absolutely serious.
Don't worry about it, A.J.
Rick, come on.
This is no time to fool around.
I mean it, Rick.
Look, Rick, just
come on. Don't fool...
Ow! God!
Ah!
Oh!
Like you said,
it's just a trick.
Hey, what are you doing?
You must be Dooley, right?
- Yeah.
- This must be Barnaby's.
Yeah, his Garibaldi cabinet.
Just delivered.
Don't touch.
Look, we got a rule.
Except for the magicians,
nobody handles
the tricks but me.
After last night,
that goes double.
Good rule.
Except that Barnaby
hired us this morning
to protect his tricks.
In fact, we were with him
when he dusted this thing off
and decided to use it.
Okay, if you're working for him.
Over there.
Prop room.
Heavy sucker.
All right, I'll
take it from here.
See, nobody gets into
the prop room but me.
Or Mr. Lebow.
Uh, I really think
we ought to take
a look in there.
Well, you can't,
because of security.
Yeah, but that's why we got to,
see, is on account
of lack of security.
Call Barnaby. He'll
give you permission.
Why don't you call the
police instead, Dooley?
I'm sorry, Mr. Twist.
I told them to scram,
but they were helping me
get Barnaby's Garibaldi in.
Look, it's not his fault.
Besides, from what we've heard,
if anybody's got a right to complain
about security around here, it's Barnaby.
Where's Lebow?
He doesn't usually
get in till around 5.
Well then, call the police.
- Mr. Twist.
- Hey.
Hey, Mr. Twist.
Look, we're private detectives.
Everything's perfectly official.
What's the problem?
Do you mind?
Now, you will admit
that it's just a
little coincidental.
I mean, two magicians coming up
with the same idea
at the same time.
Why would I admit that?
[together] Thank you.
Hi.
Oh. I thought you might
have had second thoughts.
Got an act a little
more your own age.
You know, between
me and this trick,
we're old enough to be your
grandfather's grandfather.
Don't even joke
like that, Barnaby.
I wish none of this
had ever happened.
But we'll get through it.
Of course we'll get through it.
I hope when we do it,
we just don't lay one of these.
Hey, stand by, fellows.
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
Least, I think so.
I mean, sometimes I wonder.
That's why I do it...
So I can find out.
I want to know
what it feels like
to be here and then disappear.
Well, I'm going
to hand it to him.
He is good.
Shoot, Rick, you
could put him to shame
if you were up there with your
balloon and your knitting needle.
The great magicians have
always been fascinated by death.
Is it an end or a beginning?
What is that moment of
crossing over really like?
The Great Houdini
left specific instructions
with his wife that he'd call
her back after the grave.
But he never did.
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
It is in that tradition
that I've designed
my water casket.
In hopes that it will
give us an insight
into the moment of death
and into the moment of rebirth.
One.
Two.
- [electricity sparks]
- [woman screams]
Ah, no!
No, no.
Help, somebody help him.
No!
No, help, help.
Help, somebody help him.
Please. Oh no.
Help.
Pretty lousy situation, Barnaby.
I just got off the phone
with a friend of ours
at the department.
The cops are calling
this thing murder.
Well, that's ridiculous.
It was an accident.
No. Uh-uh.
A light socket on the casket
had been drilled all the
way through to the water.
When the juice came on,
the whole thing turned
into one big electric circuit.
It was no accident.
I didn't kill him.
Nobody said you did.
[Rubio] I did, at least.
Morning, Rick. A.J.
Have a nice day.
We know these guys, Barnaby.
They're from homicide.
This one's Rubio.
His partner's Knudson.
They're okay, as far as it goes.
Some day, you'll have to
explain that crack to me.
We need to have a
little talk, Mr. Barnaby.
And your wife too.
Well, I'll have to wake her.
She didn't get much
sleep after last night.
We live next door.
I'll just tag along.
Listen, they're not going
to let us stick around,
so we'll get busy, okay?
Now, I don't expect
you to get involved
with any more of this.
No, we're still trying to prove
he stole your
trick to begin with.
Hardly matters now, does it?
Do I detect a note of
fatalism in our man's voice?
Come on, Rubio, be nice to him.
He's a decent enough guy.
So am I.
Far as it goes.
Funny.
Rubio, that's... Oh,
very quick-witted.
Yes indeed. Are
you taking him in?
Just talk. For now.
But it looks kind of
grim for him, doesn't it?
When it comes to
suspects, there's Barnaby,
and the rest of the world
is tied for second place.
Rubio, I can't tell you how
disappointed I am in you.
Where is that
restless intelligence,
the probing powers of deduction,
the sneaky,
suspicious little mind
we've all come to
know and love, huh?
Don't need it.
[fake laughs]
That's why homicide
is such boring work.
Things usually turn out to
be exactly what they seem.
There goes a man
well-suited to his job.
This strike you as
just a little coincidental,
that so soon after taking out
a life insurance
policy on himself,
Twist is dead.
We should find out who's
got the lucky claim check.
No, it was most likely the loss
of all of Mummy's Wedgwood
during the Punjab Rebellion
that convinced the Favershams
you can never have too
much insurance, what.
What? Oh, oh, what.
Quite right.
Very wise. Never too much.
And you couldn't have
picked a better outfit...
Ah, firm, than
Certified National.
Why exactly did you choose us?
It was that lovely advert
you have on the telly.
You know, the one
where God reaches down
and snatches up
the station wagon
just as the family
plunges off the cliff.
And then the angels
carry it up to heaven.
That's inspired.
Absolutely inspired.
Charming. Charming.
What amount, in general
terms, are we talking about?
Mm.
Of course, there's
all the Wedgwood,
and I'm afraid there really
was a rather fine Rembrandt...
Don't forget about
the Rolls-Royce.
And the Roll... Oh, good Lord.
Uh, excuse me for a
moment, Mr. Faversham.
I don't know who you are...
Ernie Boyer, Sacramento.
- Hi, Perce.
- Boyer.
Don't you people ever read
the bulletins we send out?
I swear, I don't know why
we even write the damn things.
- Now, see here, Boyer...
- Just cool it, Perce.
I'm going to be taking
you along in a jiffy.
Percy Faversham.
Alias Lord Denton Wilt Duke.
Alias the Earl of Dumbarton.
How many times you
been killed, Perce?
7.
- That many?
- Yes.
Loves to go up in a big fire.
Course, he always takes the
Rembrandts right along with him.
And that accidental death rider
has made his sister the
richest woman in five states.
[laughs]
All right, Perce, come
on. Let's hit the road.
Lucky I was in town for
that Oliver Twist scam,
or you'd have been number 8.
Twist scam?
What do you mean, Twist scam?
You really don't read
the bulletins, do you?
Twist is an artist.
I mean, he is beautiful.
He just left the boys over
at Federated Casualty
holding the sock
for a quarter mill.
I'm telling you, the man
that sold him that policy
going to be writing up insurance
at the airport rest of his life.
Quarter of a million dollars.
Yeah.
That's smashing.
You mean, Oliver
Twist the magician
who was killed last night?
You wrote him up too, huh?
Half a million.
An accidental death
rider for another half.
Half a million dollars.
Oh, that's jolly good.
Better than anything
you ever got.
Look, I'll tell you what,
I'd better just write
this thing up right here.
Maybe I can keep you out of the
airport, if you know what I mean.
Who was the
beneficiary on this policy?
- Maurice Lebow.
- Say again?
Maurice Lebow.
Maurice Lebow.
Magic Arts Theater.
Magic Arts Theater.
Why, that's almost
800,000 pounds.
Damn near it.
Oh, good show.
I say.
Oh, you two...
Just get out of here, all right?
Look, I have answered
all the cops' questions.
I don't have to answer yours.
You might like to.
Yeah, especially
when you hear the topic.
Insurance.
Ah, you mean my
policy with Twist.
That's called
partnership insurance.
It's done every day in business.
It is incredible to me.
Everyone is in such a damn hurry
to pin a murder, and yet
not a soul is mourning Oliver.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're so right.
We hardly knew the man,
but we didn't like him either.
Yeah. He was a bit of a hothead.
So what?
He was a bit of a prima donna.
So what? But he was on his way.
The man was a rocket.
He was a star.
You sure hitched your
wagon to him, didn't you?
And rolled it right
over Barnaby.
Gentlemen, there are
5 doors marked exit.
Use as many as you need.
Oh, and by the way,
Stay out of my business,
or you might find
a very stiff finger
poked into those private eyes.
Excuse me.
I'll take those 3.
I'll use the 2 on the right.
A.J., you got to replace
this weather strip.
It's taken a pretty awful
beating there, don't you think?
Well, maybe it was Mom.
She's got a key.
Well, maybe she lost it.
Maybe it was nobody.
Not exactly.
Tell you, that's one tough lock.
Hadn't been for y'all, we'd
have never got in here.
Thank you very much.
Who are you?
We're just a couple of
independent businessmen.
Why don't you drop that
thing, come on down here?
This?
Move.
Mr. Lebow has asked
us to stop by here
and pass on two or
three good reasons
why y'all should stay
out of his business.
[laughs]
Hey, pay attention.
[muffled screams]
Hey, what'd you do that for?
He just got back
from the dentist.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Other side, other side.
[engine revs]
Rick.
You did it again,
didn't you, Billy?
- Sorry, Rick.
- Ah.
What's the matter
with kids today?
Why didn't you
all trip him, huh?
[laughs]
We'll find them.
You rent muscle.
We must be getting pretty
good at terrorizing people.
I didn't think we
pushed Lebow that hard.
Behold, a nervous man.
Quick, too.
We hadn't even
finished leaning on him.
Yeah. My kind of suspect.
Ah.
Have we got something good.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Primo suspect for you.
Maurice Lebow.
Had a huge life
insurance policy on Twist.
How's that tickle your fancy?
What's the point?
Well, it's kind of an
age-old motive, Rubio.
Greed.
It's a top 10, all right.
Lebow had motive,
access and know-how.
You know, you
two really are good.
Aw.
Course, I got something
a little more concrete.
We got the lab report
back about 20 minutes ago.
The light bulb that was
screwed into the socket
had some fingerprints on it.
They belong to
one George Decova.
Who's Decova?
[door opens]
What?
George Decova.
Also known as Barnaby the Great.
[car engine starts]
- [tires screech]
- Hey!
Take it easy. You're
all over the road.
I can't help it.
Some idiot on a tandem
bike just cut me off.
Look, will you please hurry up
so we can get this thing back
before somebody notices?
We might as well
take it on back.
Rubio's already
picked this place clean.
Besides, Lebow probably
kept all the paperwork,
so I don't think
there's going to be
any rabbit springing out a hat.
Hello.
What? What, you find something?
Well now, if I were a magician,
and I wanted to hide something,
where would I put it?
What?
A.J.
Yeah, what?
Is it Lebow's?
Not really.
It's not his brand of perfume.
Look, Barnaby, there's
just not enough time
to be gentle about this.
A.J.'s got some
bad news for you.
Um.
Barnaby.
Did you know that there
was something going on
between Twist and Lorna?
Two years ago, on the road,
Lorna came backstage
to ask for a job.
She was desperate,
and I hired her, no
questions asked.
I was the magician who
conjured love and security for her.
She was the enchantress
who made me feel young again.
Well, we married,
and I suppose I always
knew that one day,
the spell would break.
But you didn't say
anything about the affair.
Not until I realized
that he'd stolen
my water casket
as well as my wife.
I knew I had to kill him.
How did you get to the water
casket in the locked prop room?
Well, I was inside
my Garibaldi cabinet.
I knew they'd put it
right into the prop room
with all the other equipment,
including Oliver's version
of the water casket.
I opened the
cabinet. It was empty.
Let the record show
that the last voice
is that of Richard
Simon, private investigator
and employee of the subject.
It will not be heard
again this session.
It only looked empty.
That was the illusion.
I was inside the trap.
The trap?
That's where the performer hides
before making a
magical appearance.
Yes.
Then I got out of the Garibaldi,
drilled the holes,
got back inside and
waited for the stage hands
to wheel me out
again for the show.
And you weren't worried
about fingerprints?
I was certain that
the short circuit
would make the bulb explode.
I was mistaken.
He's not the only one.
Ah.
That's it.
I'll tell you, Dr. Rib must be
losing his touch with his soul sauce.
Hardly pitted
the floor this time.
Ah, that's not it.
What, your tapeworm on strike?
I'm just a little
worried about Barnaby.
Just a little down?
Only a slab and a half of ribs.
You must be in the throes of
a downright manic depression.
He fooled us.
Let's face it, it happens.
You know, as soon as he knew
that we knew about
Lorna and Twist,
he did that
high-speed turnaround.
That's what I can't figure.
Well, I guess he
didn't want there
to be the slightest possibility
of her being accused.
There's no chance of that now.
Rubio's got this one
stitched up pretty tightly.
Yeah.
Not a seam showing.
That's what bothers me.
[doorbell rings]
Suppose those
tenderizers are back again?
No, they don't ring.
You must help me.
Sure.
Come on in.
You, uh... You want
a beer or something?
The question is,
does a man betray the
person he owes the most,
even if it is for that
person's own good?
I assume you want
more than just an answer.
I know the answer.
I've been thinking for hours,
what is the right thing?
Barnaby has asked
me for a favor.
Begged. Demanded.
Cause you owe him your life?
Yes.
And because I owe him so much,
I must betray him.
Uh-huh.
In his confession,
Barnaby said that
he hid in the Garibaldi.
Right, which is how he
got into the prop room.
He swore me not to tell you.
But these are the hands
that built the Garibaldi.
That trap was designed
and tailored for one person...
Lorna.
He could never have fit inside.
I think the seams
on Rubio's case
just came unstitched.
Somebody going to
show me how this works,
or do I have to
figure it out myself?
Well, as you can see,
this appears to be empty.
But those who know
can show you the, uh...
The, uh...
Secret compartment.
Why stop now?
Give them all my secrets.
Of course, if it keeps you
from throwing your life
away on that woman.
What life do I have without her?
Tight squeeze.
It requires practice.
And a build like Lorna's.
But how did she get
Barnaby's fingerprints
on the light bulb?
Take your pick.
She could have taken any
one of these and switched them.
I'm sure they've all got
Barnaby's fingerprints on them.
Let go of me.
Just get... Let go of me.
Now, now, that's
all right, baby.
You get away from me.
You set me up for this.
You killed Oliver. Let go.
I don't care what they say.
We'll hire the best lawyers.
Let go of me.
Don't let him get
away with this.
Please don't let him
get away with this.
He killed Oliver.
Stop.
Back in the war, there
was a word for you...
Quisling.
So, after all these years,
it ends for us like this.
Rubio, what was that
you said about homicide?
Everything's usually
exactly as it seems?
True enough, far as it goes.
Hey, A.J. Look at this.
Will you just give the
magic a rest, Rick?
Come on, I'm ruining
a perfectly good omelet
just for you, with
jalapenos and everything.
Will you please listen to this?
It's important.
"The only real
magic in the world
is the magic of one mind
totally manipulating another.
That is the grand
illusion, the black art...
To make you see
what isn't there,
while looking right
at what really is."
The wit and wisdom of Barnaby?
Maybe the M.O. of
Barnaby is more like it.
He's Barnaby the Great, A.J.
The master
illusionist of our time.
I thought I'd just relax
by practicing a few moves,
but I read that quote.
Now what if, just what if,
this whole Twist murder thing
is set up like a magic trick?
Like this.
What do you see here?
2 aces and a king, right?
Huh?
2 aces and a king.
Fine, fine, fine.
Now, we put the
bandana over the cards.
Over the cards.
Then we remove one of the aces.
One of the aces.
That's right, A.J.,
one of the aces.
Now we remove yet another ace.
Yet another ace.
Now this is where
the trick gets to be fun,
because this is the part
where the king disappears.
Or not.
What?
I can still see the card.
Oh.
See, that's because I
have manipulated your mind.
You're looking
at what isn't there.
Fooled you.
Not bad. Not great, but not bad.
Mm-hm.
That's just a card trick.
What if Barnaby's done that to
an entire murder investigation?
Come on, Rick. We
weren't that fooled.
Turn it over.
You turn it over.
The king is on the other side.
Well, anyhow Rick, you
can't murder with magic.
At least, I hope not.
Get me a beer, will you?
There's no beer, A.J.
Sure there... Oh,
Lord, I've forgotten.
I left myself a note
and everything.
What good is a
chili cheese omelet
without a beer to
wash it down with?
Pardon me. Wash
it down with milk.
Hey, look at this.
What's this, another trick?
No, no, no. Look at it.
Yes, it says beer.
Yeah. Now, do you remember
when we pushed the
cabinet the other day?
Yeah?
The B was way up there.
The one tonight
was right down there.
Are you sure?
I'm telling you,
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
could have gotten into the one
we pushed into the prop room.
Barnaby was telling the truth.
He was inside.
[ax blows]
Hold it, Barnaby.
That's evidence.
So, uh, well.
Hardly surprising.
It was to us.
Why'd you hire us?
I mean, I know it
was part of your plan,
but why take the risk?
For the illusion.
For the misdirect.
You know how these tricks work.
People look for the deception,
so we show them a few.
But not the real one.
No, no, you were supposed
to be only good enough
to follow the clues.
Just not good enough
to understand
the whole illusion.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Everything else worked.
The hoods I hired to
cast suspicion on Lebow,
the notes from Lorna.
Twist thought he'd
thrown them away.
Let's go see Rubio.
Just one more thing, gentlemen.
Stay between him and the door.
A.J.
Now you hold it, Barnaby.
Where you going? Come back. Hey.
Barnaby, watch... Hey.
Aah!
Oh, my God.
[Rick] A.J.
[pounds]
Rick.
Over here, A.J.
A.J.
Rick.
A.J.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm... [Rick yells]
Don't you even blink.
You know, A.J.,
magic is a funny thing.
Sometimes the rabbit's there,
and sometimes he just ain't.
A.J., look at this.
You're going to love it.
Ready? Here you go.
- No!
- What?
No, please, no more tricks.
No, wait till you see it.
You're going to love it.
With this one, you don't
even have to pick a card.
All you got to
do is think of one.
Go ahead. Think of a card.
The 10 of clubs.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
a very stiff finger
poked into those private eyes.
[woman screams]
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
You think you can climb over me and
push this punk to the top with my tricks?
Oh, you're not
getting away with this.
The only real magic is one mind
manipulating another.
Rick, come on.
This is no time to fool around.
Rick, don't fool... Ow!
[screams]
Kill the power.
♪♪ [theme music]
♪ Why do I tell myself ♪
♪ These things that happen ♪
♪ Are all really true? ♪
♪ When in my heart,
I know the magic ♪
♪ Is my love ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ [holds note] ♪
The Great Barnaby,
ladies and gentlemen.
The Great Barnaby.
That concludes round 3 of Magic
Arts Theater Tournament of Magic.
But I have asked
each of our magicians
to save their
greatest feat of magic
for their fourth
and final illusion.
And now, to astound
and perplex you
with his fourth and
final ultimate illusion,
please welcome Oliver Twist.
[applause]
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
Least, I think so.
[explosives burst]
[crowd murmurs]
I mean, sometimes I wonder.
That's why I do it...
So I can find out.
I want to know
what it feels like
to be here and then disappear.
Great magicians have always
been fascinated by death.
Is it an end or a beginning?
What is that moment of
crossing over really like?
The Great Houdini
left specific instructions
with his wife that he would
call her back after the grave,
but he never did.
Lebow, Lebow,
he's doing my trick.
Quiet.
Where's Lebow?
He's got to see this.
Are you ready?
Ready.
It is in that tradition that I've
designed my water casket,
in hopes that it will
give us an insight
into the moment of death
and the moment of rebirth.
Damn it, that's mine.
- Yeah, but that's mine.
Barnaby.
One.
Two.
Three.
Voila.
Thief. The water casket is mine.
You're not going
to steal it from me.
Stop it.
Help.
[audience chatters]
That's enough, Barnaby.
Get off him, Barnaby,
Take your hands off me.
I should have had my hands
around your throat, Lebow.
You think you can climb over me
and push this punk to
the top with my tricks?
Oh, no. No, you're not
getting away with this.
Neither damn one
of you. Come on.
You know, frankly,
I am disappointed
in this new generation
of car thieves.
They can't even
steal a sure thing.
You left your keys
in the '57 again.
Now when it was my car,
I could understand that.
That's the way
you treat my things.
But now that it is your car,
I would expect you to have
more res... more respect for...
Where'd you get
a knitting needle?
A.J., you have just
witnessed a minor miracle,
and you are worried about
where the props come from.
It's not a minor
miracle, It's a magic trick.
Well, it's a pretty
damn good magic trick.
Which, by the way, you are more
than welcome to try, if you'd care to.
No, I don't want to try it.
What, and I shudder to ask,
has rekindled your
interest in prestidigitation?
I thought you would never ask.
Well, I did.
You're looking at it.
Barnaby. One name, huh?
No, three names.
Barnaby the Great.
Remember all those magic tricks
I fooled you with
when we were kids?
Right out of that book.
Yeah, sometimes.
I saw through most of them.
Right. Well, at any rate,
Barnaby wants to hire us.
You drive.
Uh, Rick? Rick?
- Keys.
- Keys, keys,
Yes indeed. We can take the '57.
We could always take your
car, if you wanted to do that.
If you're going to drive, you'll
probably want your driver's license.
Hey, come on,
A.J. Just admit it.
I was a pretty good
magician when I was 12.
I fooled you every time.
Big accomplishment.
When you were 12, I was 6, 7.
7.
[woman screams]
[woman screams]
Did you like that one?
Uh, yeah.
That's one way to
get a guy's attention.
I can work it with anything.
Want to see a cheetah?
No.
Oh, he's only teasing.
Besides, we sold
all the cheetahs.
Good.
I'm Lorna, Barnaby's wife.
A.J. Simon.
Hi, I'm Rick.
Nice to meet you.
Mm.
Oh, no, no more
tricks. Come on, fellows.
Excuse us.
Bye bye.
If Lorna hadn't pulled
me off Twist last night,
I might not have let him up.
I've never been violent, but...
Well, I was way out of control.
Yeah, but now you've had a
chance to cool off a little bit.
I mean, what's one
magic trick, more or less?
In the case of the water casket,
if you happen to
be Oliver Twist,
it means more. A whole lot more.
I'd heard that he'd taken out
a half a million dollars'
worth of insurance on his act.
Now I know why.
He's going to win big with it.
As for me, it's back
to the old standbys.
Hell, I might as
well do this tonight.
Hell, even when I was
setting up the mirror illusion,
I knew that...
Well, it's just too complicated.
There's no time
to figure angles.
Lighting.
He can't do this to me.
I worked too long
to get where I am.
What'd you mean when you said
that Twist was going
to win with your illusion?
Well, the Tournament of Magic...
That's what we're doing.
It kicks off the booking
season every year.
If you win, you get the rich
road shows and the big clubs.
If you lose, it's a long winter
of rotary luncheons
and Boy Scout banquets.
Now, I'm 57 years old
and I'm not one
bit sorry for myself,
because I'm a
damn good magician.
I'm 57 times better than
that punk will ever be.
Now, I don't want him
to get away with this.
My wife says next year.
Well, I love her for
what she's trying to do,
but... you know what I'm saying?
Sure. You want a piece of him.
All right, we'll go after him.
But I'm still not quite sure
what's been stolen here.
I mean, Twist built
his own casket.
He didn't take yours.
It's worse than that.
He took the magic.
Somehow, he spied on me.
Took my notes. Took
the plan from Zoltan.
Besides Lorna and me,
he's the only one who
knew how the illusion worked.
Who is Zoltan?
He's a master craftsman.
He builds the props for most
major magicians in the West.
Including Twist?
Yes.
No, but he didn't know
Twist had the water casket.
And Zoltan wouldn't lie to me.
We're very old friends.
And besides, if he
gave away secrets,
he wouldn't be in the
business very long.
Well done.
Ah, it's just second nature.
Death.
We faced it together.
We caused it together.
Barnaby was young for your army,
but he was very clever.
So clever that he was OSS.
In 1945, he parachuted
into my country
to help the partisans
with sabotage.
I was in the underground.
We escaped
together in a hay car,
under the hay.
The Germans poked for
us with their pitchforks.
Here, there.
Like so.
Right into Barnaby.
But he never cried out.
I owe him my life.
And after the war, he
brought you over here?
Mm.
I had been a carpenter before,
and together we
built booby traps.
Very clever ones.
He designed them. I built them.
The shop was a natural step.
Barnaby set me up,
sent people to me,
gave me work.
I would kill for him.
Uh. Mm-hm.
Now I must test.
One of you. You.
Step inside.
[stammers]
I'll hold your coat.
Um.
I...
Uh, B-B-Barnaby and Twist
were always professional rivals,
but nothing like
this before, right?
Twist? That arrogant
young snake.
That thief. He is no magician.
Lasers, holograms.
Special effects.
If you feel anything, tell me.
You'll be the first to know.
All this gear is
pretty expensive.
How'd a young guy like
Twist get the cash up?
Maurice Lebow.
He owns the Magic Arts Theater.
Barnaby has never
been foolish enough
to take his money,
but the ones like Twist
are quick enough into his snare.
He enjoys having
them to squeeze.
And he knows how to
protect his investments.
I don't follow you.
Lebow arranged the
order of appearance.
Last night, he made sure
that Twist went before Barnaby.
That way, Twist did
the water casket first.
Guy not only stacks the
deck, he owns the card factory.
Could I just try one of these?
No. No.
See if I've still got the touch.
Rick, come on. I'm serious.
I'm absolutely serious.
Don't worry about it, A.J.
Rick, come on.
This is no time to fool around.
I mean it, Rick.
Look, Rick, just
come on. Don't fool...
Ow! God!
Ah!
Oh!
Like you said,
it's just a trick.
Hey, what are you doing?
You must be Dooley, right?
- Yeah.
- This must be Barnaby's.
Yeah, his Garibaldi cabinet.
Just delivered.
Don't touch.
Look, we got a rule.
Except for the magicians,
nobody handles
the tricks but me.
After last night,
that goes double.
Good rule.
Except that Barnaby
hired us this morning
to protect his tricks.
In fact, we were with him
when he dusted this thing off
and decided to use it.
Okay, if you're working for him.
Over there.
Prop room.
Heavy sucker.
All right, I'll
take it from here.
See, nobody gets into
the prop room but me.
Or Mr. Lebow.
Uh, I really think
we ought to take
a look in there.
Well, you can't,
because of security.
Yeah, but that's why we got to,
see, is on account
of lack of security.
Call Barnaby. He'll
give you permission.
Why don't you call the
police instead, Dooley?
I'm sorry, Mr. Twist.
I told them to scram,
but they were helping me
get Barnaby's Garibaldi in.
Look, it's not his fault.
Besides, from what we've heard,
if anybody's got a right to complain
about security around here, it's Barnaby.
Where's Lebow?
He doesn't usually
get in till around 5.
Well then, call the police.
- Mr. Twist.
- Hey.
Hey, Mr. Twist.
Look, we're private detectives.
Everything's perfectly official.
What's the problem?
Do you mind?
Now, you will admit
that it's just a
little coincidental.
I mean, two magicians coming up
with the same idea
at the same time.
Why would I admit that?
[together] Thank you.
Hi.
Oh. I thought you might
have had second thoughts.
Got an act a little
more your own age.
You know, between
me and this trick,
we're old enough to be your
grandfather's grandfather.
Don't even joke
like that, Barnaby.
I wish none of this
had ever happened.
But we'll get through it.
Of course we'll get through it.
I hope when we do it,
we just don't lay one of these.
Hey, stand by, fellows.
Why the excitement?
It's only magic.
Least, I think so.
I mean, sometimes I wonder.
That's why I do it...
So I can find out.
I want to know
what it feels like
to be here and then disappear.
Well, I'm going
to hand it to him.
He is good.
Shoot, Rick, you
could put him to shame
if you were up there with your
balloon and your knitting needle.
The great magicians have
always been fascinated by death.
Is it an end or a beginning?
What is that moment of
crossing over really like?
The Great Houdini
left specific instructions
with his wife that he'd call
her back after the grave.
But he never did.
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
It is in that tradition
that I've designed
my water casket.
In hopes that it will
give us an insight
into the moment of death
and into the moment of rebirth.
One.
Two.
- [electricity sparks]
- [woman screams]
Ah, no!
No, no.
Help, somebody help him.
No!
No, help, help.
Help, somebody help him.
Please. Oh no.
Help.
Pretty lousy situation, Barnaby.
I just got off the phone
with a friend of ours
at the department.
The cops are calling
this thing murder.
Well, that's ridiculous.
It was an accident.
No. Uh-uh.
A light socket on the casket
had been drilled all the
way through to the water.
When the juice came on,
the whole thing turned
into one big electric circuit.
It was no accident.
I didn't kill him.
Nobody said you did.
[Rubio] I did, at least.
Morning, Rick. A.J.
Have a nice day.
We know these guys, Barnaby.
They're from homicide.
This one's Rubio.
His partner's Knudson.
They're okay, as far as it goes.
Some day, you'll have to
explain that crack to me.
We need to have a
little talk, Mr. Barnaby.
And your wife too.
Well, I'll have to wake her.
She didn't get much
sleep after last night.
We live next door.
I'll just tag along.
Listen, they're not going
to let us stick around,
so we'll get busy, okay?
Now, I don't expect
you to get involved
with any more of this.
No, we're still trying to prove
he stole your
trick to begin with.
Hardly matters now, does it?
Do I detect a note of
fatalism in our man's voice?
Come on, Rubio, be nice to him.
He's a decent enough guy.
So am I.
Far as it goes.
Funny.
Rubio, that's... Oh,
very quick-witted.
Yes indeed. Are
you taking him in?
Just talk. For now.
But it looks kind of
grim for him, doesn't it?
When it comes to
suspects, there's Barnaby,
and the rest of the world
is tied for second place.
Rubio, I can't tell you how
disappointed I am in you.
Where is that
restless intelligence,
the probing powers of deduction,
the sneaky,
suspicious little mind
we've all come to
know and love, huh?
Don't need it.
[fake laughs]
That's why homicide
is such boring work.
Things usually turn out to
be exactly what they seem.
There goes a man
well-suited to his job.
This strike you as
just a little coincidental,
that so soon after taking out
a life insurance
policy on himself,
Twist is dead.
We should find out who's
got the lucky claim check.
No, it was most likely the loss
of all of Mummy's Wedgwood
during the Punjab Rebellion
that convinced the Favershams
you can never have too
much insurance, what.
What? Oh, oh, what.
Quite right.
Very wise. Never too much.
And you couldn't have
picked a better outfit...
Ah, firm, than
Certified National.
Why exactly did you choose us?
It was that lovely advert
you have on the telly.
You know, the one
where God reaches down
and snatches up
the station wagon
just as the family
plunges off the cliff.
And then the angels
carry it up to heaven.
That's inspired.
Absolutely inspired.
Charming. Charming.
What amount, in general
terms, are we talking about?
Mm.
Of course, there's
all the Wedgwood,
and I'm afraid there really
was a rather fine Rembrandt...
Don't forget about
the Rolls-Royce.
And the Roll... Oh, good Lord.
Uh, excuse me for a
moment, Mr. Faversham.
I don't know who you are...
Ernie Boyer, Sacramento.
- Hi, Perce.
- Boyer.
Don't you people ever read
the bulletins we send out?
I swear, I don't know why
we even write the damn things.
- Now, see here, Boyer...
- Just cool it, Perce.
I'm going to be taking
you along in a jiffy.
Percy Faversham.
Alias Lord Denton Wilt Duke.
Alias the Earl of Dumbarton.
How many times you
been killed, Perce?
7.
- That many?
- Yes.
Loves to go up in a big fire.
Course, he always takes the
Rembrandts right along with him.
And that accidental death rider
has made his sister the
richest woman in five states.
[laughs]
All right, Perce, come
on. Let's hit the road.
Lucky I was in town for
that Oliver Twist scam,
or you'd have been number 8.
Twist scam?
What do you mean, Twist scam?
You really don't read
the bulletins, do you?
Twist is an artist.
I mean, he is beautiful.
He just left the boys over
at Federated Casualty
holding the sock
for a quarter mill.
I'm telling you, the man
that sold him that policy
going to be writing up insurance
at the airport rest of his life.
Quarter of a million dollars.
Yeah.
That's smashing.
You mean, Oliver
Twist the magician
who was killed last night?
You wrote him up too, huh?
Half a million.
An accidental death
rider for another half.
Half a million dollars.
Oh, that's jolly good.
Better than anything
you ever got.
Look, I'll tell you what,
I'd better just write
this thing up right here.
Maybe I can keep you out of the
airport, if you know what I mean.
Who was the
beneficiary on this policy?
- Maurice Lebow.
- Say again?
Maurice Lebow.
Maurice Lebow.
Magic Arts Theater.
Magic Arts Theater.
Why, that's almost
800,000 pounds.
Damn near it.
Oh, good show.
I say.
Oh, you two...
Just get out of here, all right?
Look, I have answered
all the cops' questions.
I don't have to answer yours.
You might like to.
Yeah, especially
when you hear the topic.
Insurance.
Ah, you mean my
policy with Twist.
That's called
partnership insurance.
It's done every day in business.
It is incredible to me.
Everyone is in such a damn hurry
to pin a murder, and yet
not a soul is mourning Oliver.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're so right.
We hardly knew the man,
but we didn't like him either.
Yeah. He was a bit of a hothead.
So what?
He was a bit of a prima donna.
So what? But he was on his way.
The man was a rocket.
He was a star.
You sure hitched your
wagon to him, didn't you?
And rolled it right
over Barnaby.
Gentlemen, there are
5 doors marked exit.
Use as many as you need.
Oh, and by the way,
Stay out of my business,
or you might find
a very stiff finger
poked into those private eyes.
Excuse me.
I'll take those 3.
I'll use the 2 on the right.
A.J., you got to replace
this weather strip.
It's taken a pretty awful
beating there, don't you think?
Well, maybe it was Mom.
She's got a key.
Well, maybe she lost it.
Maybe it was nobody.
Not exactly.
Tell you, that's one tough lock.
Hadn't been for y'all, we'd
have never got in here.
Thank you very much.
Who are you?
We're just a couple of
independent businessmen.
Why don't you drop that
thing, come on down here?
This?
Move.
Mr. Lebow has asked
us to stop by here
and pass on two or
three good reasons
why y'all should stay
out of his business.
[laughs]
Hey, pay attention.
[muffled screams]
Hey, what'd you do that for?
He just got back
from the dentist.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Other side, other side.
[engine revs]
Rick.
You did it again,
didn't you, Billy?
- Sorry, Rick.
- Ah.
What's the matter
with kids today?
Why didn't you
all trip him, huh?
[laughs]
We'll find them.
You rent muscle.
We must be getting pretty
good at terrorizing people.
I didn't think we
pushed Lebow that hard.
Behold, a nervous man.
Quick, too.
We hadn't even
finished leaning on him.
Yeah. My kind of suspect.
Ah.
Have we got something good.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Primo suspect for you.
Maurice Lebow.
Had a huge life
insurance policy on Twist.
How's that tickle your fancy?
What's the point?
Well, it's kind of an
age-old motive, Rubio.
Greed.
It's a top 10, all right.
Lebow had motive,
access and know-how.
You know, you
two really are good.
Aw.
Course, I got something
a little more concrete.
We got the lab report
back about 20 minutes ago.
The light bulb that was
screwed into the socket
had some fingerprints on it.
They belong to
one George Decova.
Who's Decova?
[door opens]
What?
George Decova.
Also known as Barnaby the Great.
[car engine starts]
- [tires screech]
- Hey!
Take it easy. You're
all over the road.
I can't help it.
Some idiot on a tandem
bike just cut me off.
Look, will you please hurry up
so we can get this thing back
before somebody notices?
We might as well
take it on back.
Rubio's already
picked this place clean.
Besides, Lebow probably
kept all the paperwork,
so I don't think
there's going to be
any rabbit springing out a hat.
Hello.
What? What, you find something?
Well now, if I were a magician,
and I wanted to hide something,
where would I put it?
What?
A.J.
Yeah, what?
Is it Lebow's?
Not really.
It's not his brand of perfume.
Look, Barnaby, there's
just not enough time
to be gentle about this.
A.J.'s got some
bad news for you.
Um.
Barnaby.
Did you know that there
was something going on
between Twist and Lorna?
Two years ago, on the road,
Lorna came backstage
to ask for a job.
She was desperate,
and I hired her, no
questions asked.
I was the magician who
conjured love and security for her.
She was the enchantress
who made me feel young again.
Well, we married,
and I suppose I always
knew that one day,
the spell would break.
But you didn't say
anything about the affair.
Not until I realized
that he'd stolen
my water casket
as well as my wife.
I knew I had to kill him.
How did you get to the water
casket in the locked prop room?
Well, I was inside
my Garibaldi cabinet.
I knew they'd put it
right into the prop room
with all the other equipment,
including Oliver's version
of the water casket.
I opened the
cabinet. It was empty.
Let the record show
that the last voice
is that of Richard
Simon, private investigator
and employee of the subject.
It will not be heard
again this session.
It only looked empty.
That was the illusion.
I was inside the trap.
The trap?
That's where the performer hides
before making a
magical appearance.
Yes.
Then I got out of the Garibaldi,
drilled the holes,
got back inside and
waited for the stage hands
to wheel me out
again for the show.
And you weren't worried
about fingerprints?
I was certain that
the short circuit
would make the bulb explode.
I was mistaken.
He's not the only one.
Ah.
That's it.
I'll tell you, Dr. Rib must be
losing his touch with his soul sauce.
Hardly pitted
the floor this time.
Ah, that's not it.
What, your tapeworm on strike?
I'm just a little
worried about Barnaby.
Just a little down?
Only a slab and a half of ribs.
You must be in the throes of
a downright manic depression.
He fooled us.
Let's face it, it happens.
You know, as soon as he knew
that we knew about
Lorna and Twist,
he did that
high-speed turnaround.
That's what I can't figure.
Well, I guess he
didn't want there
to be the slightest possibility
of her being accused.
There's no chance of that now.
Rubio's got this one
stitched up pretty tightly.
Yeah.
Not a seam showing.
That's what bothers me.
[doorbell rings]
Suppose those
tenderizers are back again?
No, they don't ring.
You must help me.
Sure.
Come on in.
You, uh... You want
a beer or something?
The question is,
does a man betray the
person he owes the most,
even if it is for that
person's own good?
I assume you want
more than just an answer.
I know the answer.
I've been thinking for hours,
what is the right thing?
Barnaby has asked
me for a favor.
Begged. Demanded.
Cause you owe him your life?
Yes.
And because I owe him so much,
I must betray him.
Uh-huh.
In his confession,
Barnaby said that
he hid in the Garibaldi.
Right, which is how he
got into the prop room.
He swore me not to tell you.
But these are the hands
that built the Garibaldi.
That trap was designed
and tailored for one person...
Lorna.
He could never have fit inside.
I think the seams
on Rubio's case
just came unstitched.
Somebody going to
show me how this works,
or do I have to
figure it out myself?
Well, as you can see,
this appears to be empty.
But those who know
can show you the, uh...
The, uh...
Secret compartment.
Why stop now?
Give them all my secrets.
Of course, if it keeps you
from throwing your life
away on that woman.
What life do I have without her?
Tight squeeze.
It requires practice.
And a build like Lorna's.
But how did she get
Barnaby's fingerprints
on the light bulb?
Take your pick.
She could have taken any
one of these and switched them.
I'm sure they've all got
Barnaby's fingerprints on them.
Let go of me.
Just get... Let go of me.
Now, now, that's
all right, baby.
You get away from me.
You set me up for this.
You killed Oliver. Let go.
I don't care what they say.
We'll hire the best lawyers.
Let go of me.
Don't let him get
away with this.
Please don't let him
get away with this.
He killed Oliver.
Stop.
Back in the war, there
was a word for you...
Quisling.
So, after all these years,
it ends for us like this.
Rubio, what was that
you said about homicide?
Everything's usually
exactly as it seems?
True enough, far as it goes.
Hey, A.J. Look at this.
Will you just give the
magic a rest, Rick?
Come on, I'm ruining
a perfectly good omelet
just for you, with
jalapenos and everything.
Will you please listen to this?
It's important.
"The only real
magic in the world
is the magic of one mind
totally manipulating another.
That is the grand
illusion, the black art...
To make you see
what isn't there,
while looking right
at what really is."
The wit and wisdom of Barnaby?
Maybe the M.O. of
Barnaby is more like it.
He's Barnaby the Great, A.J.
The master
illusionist of our time.
I thought I'd just relax
by practicing a few moves,
but I read that quote.
Now what if, just what if,
this whole Twist murder thing
is set up like a magic trick?
Like this.
What do you see here?
2 aces and a king, right?
Huh?
2 aces and a king.
Fine, fine, fine.
Now, we put the
bandana over the cards.
Over the cards.
Then we remove one of the aces.
One of the aces.
That's right, A.J.,
one of the aces.
Now we remove yet another ace.
Yet another ace.
Now this is where
the trick gets to be fun,
because this is the part
where the king disappears.
Or not.
What?
I can still see the card.
Oh.
See, that's because I
have manipulated your mind.
You're looking
at what isn't there.
Fooled you.
Not bad. Not great, but not bad.
Mm-hm.
That's just a card trick.
What if Barnaby's done that to
an entire murder investigation?
Come on, Rick. We
weren't that fooled.
Turn it over.
You turn it over.
The king is on the other side.
Well, anyhow Rick, you
can't murder with magic.
At least, I hope not.
Get me a beer, will you?
There's no beer, A.J.
Sure there... Oh,
Lord, I've forgotten.
I left myself a note
and everything.
What good is a
chili cheese omelet
without a beer to
wash it down with?
Pardon me. Wash
it down with milk.
Hey, look at this.
What's this, another trick?
No, no, no. Look at it.
Yes, it says beer.
Yeah. Now, do you remember
when we pushed the
cabinet the other day?
Yeah?
The B was way up there.
The one tonight
was right down there.
Are you sure?
I'm telling you,
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
could have gotten into the one
we pushed into the prop room.
Barnaby was telling the truth.
He was inside.
[ax blows]
Hold it, Barnaby.
That's evidence.
So, uh, well.
Hardly surprising.
It was to us.
Why'd you hire us?
I mean, I know it
was part of your plan,
but why take the risk?
For the illusion.
For the misdirect.
You know how these tricks work.
People look for the deception,
so we show them a few.
But not the real one.
No, no, you were supposed
to be only good enough
to follow the clues.
Just not good enough
to understand
the whole illusion.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Everything else worked.
The hoods I hired to
cast suspicion on Lebow,
the notes from Lorna.
Twist thought he'd
thrown them away.
Let's go see Rubio.
Just one more thing, gentlemen.
Stay between him and the door.
A.J.
Now you hold it, Barnaby.
Where you going? Come back. Hey.
Barnaby, watch... Hey.
Aah!
Oh, my God.
[Rick] A.J.
[pounds]
Rick.
Over here, A.J.
A.J.
Rick.
A.J.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm... [Rick yells]
Don't you even blink.
You know, A.J.,
magic is a funny thing.
Sometimes the rabbit's there,
and sometimes he just ain't.
A.J., look at this.
You're going to love it.
Ready? Here you go.
- No!
- What?
No, please, no more tricks.
No, wait till you see it.
You're going to love it.
With this one, you don't
even have to pick a card.
All you got to
do is think of one.
Go ahead. Think of a card.
The 10 of clubs.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA