Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 2, Episode 19 - What's in a Gnome? - full transcript
Right now, we're calling
him "The Phantom."
He's starting to monkey
around with the rides.
I love mechanized death.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...
Seems like Miss Caroll
doesn't think your boys
are up to the job
of finding this loon,
so she's hired a couple
of private investigators.
Ricky?
What's the most important
part about being a gnome?
I don't know.
Look if this guy is a psycho,
he could go off
like a roman candle
all over the park.
I think the Marines just landed.
The situation is
not well in hand.
♪♪ [theme]
Delta 4, this is Ranger 1. Over.
[Man] Go ahead, Ranger 1.
Sector 2 is secure
and tucked in.
Like the old days, huh, Vince?
Yeah. Charlie, by
any other name,
still stinks.
Better get your butt
over the bumper cars.
Check out the rest of Sector 4.
You know the old man.
He's gonna be calling in
and he always
wants it in triplicate.
Yeah. When we
finally nail this sucker,
the old man'll probably
want copies of his ears.
[laughs]
You check out the control
board on The Mammoth?
Yeah, locked up tighter
than a monkey's smile.
Be glad when Grayson
pulls us outta here.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Moving on to Sector 4. Over.
[chuckles]
Great.
Ah, thank you, Bobby.
It's, ah, an interesting ride.
Thank you. Ah!
- Mr. Simon.
- Hi.
- And Mr. Simon.
- A.J.
Thank you for coming out.
I'm Denise Caroll,
the park manager.
Boy, and I was expecting...
I don't know, tattoos
and a pack of Lucky's
rolled up in a t-shirt sleeve.
You're thinking
about the carnival.
This, gentlemen,
is big business.
Please.
Well, what you're
describing sounds more like
vandalism than sabotage.
No. No. It's too systematic.
It's too well orchestrated.
Right now, we're calling
him "The Phantom."
[laughs]
Listen, please, don't laugh.
He's been operating for a month,
tampering with
our concessions...
The thermostats
in the food storage,
sabotaging the
soft drink machines.
And now it's
starting to escalate.
He's starting to monkey
around with the rides.
Yesterday we found
out the brakes went out
on two of the Grand Prix cars.
I told you they're not
here for thrills and chills.
She made a couple of phone calls
to that roller coaster
company this morning.
Maybe they're just repairmen.
No, they smell like
hired guns to me.
You stick with 'em. I'm
gonna call the old man.
Now this Phantom, whoever it is,
has to be stopped before
somebody gets hurt.
Well, what do your
security people think?
Actually, they're
part of the problem.
Listen, uh, could we
go someplace and talk?
Well, how about your office?
How about someplace
more private.
Who owns this place?
A fellow named Grayson.
A Lawrence Grayson.
He owns Consolidated
Amusements out of Galveston
and he bought this
park a few months ago.
Now he wants to
make it a flagship
for an entire chain.
"Fun USA."
Just what America needs...
More fun, more chains.
Well, that's Colonel Grayson.
Today "Fun USA,"
tomorrow, "Disney World."
He's already put 10
million dollars worth
of new repairs and
new rides into this place.
Is that Colonel, as in Kentucky?
No. As in Marine green, retired.
Colonel Grayson?
Mmm.
I think I saluted him somewhere.
Well, I haven't
had that pleasure.
So far it's been one long
growl on the telephone.
Uh-huh. You get used to that.
Marine colonels are born angry.
Are you okay?
Oh, sure I'm fine. I
love mechanized death.
Listen, I don't want
anybody to know
that I've hired the two of you.
If Grayson finds out I'm
second guessing him,
he'll have my head.
I'll be bringing in
personnel this week
for training,
rehearsing, whatnot.
Also test groups
to try out the park.
- So you should be able
to go unnoticed.
- Okay.
What?
The Phantom strikes again.
[high pitched
laughter] Just in time.
This time he's gone too far.
He's playing with this
giant like it's a tinker toy.
[sighs] When can you start?
As soon as we
get down from here.
We're gonna need coverage ops.
Right.
Listen, how about
you in maintenance
and you in theme work.
No, no, no. Wait. I
want theme work.
I always have to do
the maintenance stuff.
I want to do theme
work this time.
Okay.
What is that?
What's in a gnome?
Guffaws and chuckles
and shiny belt
buckles. [giggles]
He's friendly, he's happy,
his toe tap is snappy.
Thank you, Fritz.
Oh.
Now, who can tell me
what is the most important part
about being a gnome?
Let's see. Um... Ricky?
Ricky?
Rick.
Wanna repeat the question?
[laughs] A gnome is polite.
He always says "please."
He likes to have fun
and he'll never tease.
Now, Ricky, what's
the most important part
about being a gnome?
I don't know.
Sex?
[class chuckles]
Uh... [clears throat]
While our gnomes
are male and
female in appearance,
we know that they
are really neuter.
Aww.
[clears throat]
Let me answer that
question for you.
The most important thing
about being a gnome...
is the psychology
of being a gnome.
They're writing that down.
No, Colonel, I don't think
we should postpone the opening.
The media campaign is peaking,
and we have planned all
the opening ceremonies.
And what part of the ceremonies
do you have planned
for this lunatic phantom,
blowing up the reviewing stand?
We are doing everything
we can to find him, Colonel.
[Grayson] Well, good management
can find anything, Ms. Carroll.
The way I look at this, if
you're losing a ballgame,
sometimes it's because
coaches send in bad plays.
[Carroll on phone] Colonel, may
I remind you that you are the one
who wouldn't let
me call the police
when this whole
phantom thing got started?
Police mean publicity.
Besides, each man I sent you
is worth five of
those toys in blue.
Well, Grayson, I'd like
to go on the record here.
Your security men
have done nothing
but aggravate this situation.
They have spooked the preview
guests, and their presence
seems to have egged
on the phantom somehow.
Sir, this place
is being operated
like a runaway train.
We've been trying to maintain.
Mr. Hurst, I'm
speaking to Ms. Carroll.
You'll get your chance.
Yes, sir.
[Hurst] Sorry, sir.
I've noted your
opinion, Ms. Carroll,
and I'll certainly
keep it in mind.
Now if it's all right with you,
I'd like to go off the record.
I'll be coming down
there for that opening,
and I want it on schedule,
on budget and no
problem from the phantom
or anybody else, or you're gone.
Understood?
Yes.
Good. Now let me
speak to Mr. Hurst.
Put that cigarette out.
Yes, sir?
About those folders you sent me,
Andrew and Richard Simon.
Seems like Ms. Carroll,
uh, doesn't think your boys
are up to the job
of finding this loon,
so she's hired a couple
of private investigators.
Sir, we'll have 'em on the plane
- to Galveston
in a half-hour.
- Negative.
A couple of wild
cards like them,
just might lead us to our
- joker.
- Sir, are you sure
the phantom's
who you think it is?
Positive.
I've had dealings
with him before.
This time, I want him nailed.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir.
Those two detectives,
what if they get in the way?
Burn 'em.
I, uh, hate to interrupt you,
but, you know, it's
time to punch out.
We're supposed to
be working undercover,
and you're handing
out business cards?
Hey, that was one of
my fake business cards.
Artie Belson, sporting goods.
- Tell me something, Rick.
- Yeah.
On the rare occasions
- that this pathetic little
scam works, - Yeah.
And the girl actually calls
and you actually go out,
what happens?
Thought Dad
explained all that to you.
No.
No, I mean are you
"Artie Belson, sporting
goods" to her forever?
What's in a name?
Besides, any girl that'll
fall for a routine like that
thinks "forever" is the
name of a perfume.
I'm Artie Belson
three, four hours tops.
Shabby, Rick.
- Shabby.
- Yes, it is.
And a lot cheaper than
the 60-dollar bottle of wine
and the phony vintage
photo collection you use.
Let's face it.
Like what Dad always said,
doesn't matter how
you bait the hook,
just as long as you
get 'em in the bucket,
- right?
- [laughs]
Hey, listen.
Sure you wouldn't
like to trade jobs?
I mean, I understand the gnomes
have a really high suicide rate.
There's a lot of pressure there.
What, quit now just when
I've almost learned
to be neuter?
[A.J.] I would've
traded with you.
You could've gone
into maintenance.
[door creaks]
We're not remodeling that
place for another month.
There shouldn't
be anybody in there.
Hey!
Whoa!
[door opens]
That was the fastest
disappearing act since Houdini.
Yeah. Uh, left his
calling card, though.
All right, here's where
I took the header.
That print you're standing
next to is one of mine.
Take a look at this.
Well, so what?
These boots could
belong to anybody.
There's only one
shoe store in the world
where you can get
a set exactly like that.
Vietnam.
[exhales]
[water running]
They're government-issue,
jungle combat boots.
Could have bought
'em in any surplus store.
That's true.
But, uh, come here
and take a look at this.
A lot of guys in the 1st Mar Div
used to carve up
their boots like this.
- The 1st Mar Div?
- Yeah.
Think we could
keep this in English?
Oh, I forgot. You
were a campus soldier.
1st Marine Division.
There was a... guy over there,
a real crazy guy
called the climber.
He used to, uh, carve the divots
out of the soles of
his boots like this,
give himself what he
called "sniper traction."
No, I heard he could
almost literally walk
up the side of a tree,
find himself a spot
to shoot a Charlie.
I haven't seen anything
like this since the war.
So what we've
got is a boot print,
some war stories
about crazies in Vietnam,
and all of a sudden, you're
sure he's an ex-Marine.
There's no such
thing as an ex-Marine.
- Ah.
- See, after awhile,
the climber got to
be kind of a legend.
Pretty soon, there
were dozens of guys
all over the place
imitating him.
Well, you had to pick up
on whatever could
give you an edge.
And what was yours?
Never volunteering.
- Aha.
- Aha-ha.
Look, if this guy is a psycho,
he could go off like a roman
candle all over the park.
A.J., up until now, the
guy's been pretty harmless.
- I beg your pardon?
- Yeah.
Harmless? You call that
roller coaster
incident harmless?
Oh, now, wait a minute.
The guy knew exactly
what he was doing.
Now, he had it timed
so that it only stopped
when the cars
were going real slow.
If the phantom is
what you think he is,
then we have a Marine combat vet
- at either end
of this situation.
- Bingo.
Well, maybe
they're tied together.
Don't you think we ought
to find out a little bit more
about Colonel
Grayson, USMC retired?
Got just the guy.
Is that one of your
drinking buddies?
The man's a respected historian.
[ping pong ball bouncing]
[chuckles] 20-19.
All right, come on. Just serve.
I think I'll play this
one left-handed.
Just serve it, will ya?
Last chance to raise the ante.
All right, make it an even buck,
you weasel!
Aah!
[laughing]
That'll buy you a beer.
Come on. [laughs]
Wow.
Thank you.
This is very impressive.
Do you do this for a living?
No, I do it for the dead.
Now, what can I do for you?
Little history lesson?
How to subdue a
tiny Asian country
in 15 years for
5 trillion dollars?
No, thanks. I already
took that course.
Just need to check up
on a couple of gyrenes.
Okay.
Let me get this
old boy warmed up
and we'll see what we can find.
Grayson, Lawrence.
Military advisor, '61.
Well, the guy was
there from the beginning.
Let's see here.
Lieutenant '63, platoon
leader, exec officer '64,
company commander '65.
He did four tours.
Distinguished service
cross, bronze star,
silver star, nomination
for Congressional medal.
Boy, looks like you
got everything there
but the national anthem.
Uh, the rest of this
stuff is pretty dry.
Let me call up some juice.
Good friend of mine.
War zone
correspondent over there,
did a lot of
investigative stuff.
I can tap right into the
wire service morgues.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
Shh. It's thinking.
It's thinking.
Ah, here we are.
Ooh, I remember this one.
There was some kind of hassle
over near the Cambodian border.
Grayson called in an air strike,
but there's some
question whether he got
- all his people out first.
- Friendly fire?
I don't know.
Story's kinda vague.
But when they got that
company out of there,
they shipped everyone off
to different posts in the states.
Then G-2 popped
the black lid on it.
This is the only piece
ever written about it.
Newsweek reporter
interviewed three guys in Saigon
before they shipped out.
They were Janz,
Gilarakos, and Dwyer.
I don't suppose
that was the highlight
of the Colonel's career,
calling in fire on
his own troops.
Are you kidding?
They gave him a
cluster for his silver star.
Well, where do you
suggest we start?
Well, they were all headed
for hospitals stateside,
so you might check
with Pendleton,
or maybe the VA.
Okay.
Hmm, we have seen
some strange times
haven't we, my friend?
That we have.
[Woman] Corporal Janz and
Specfor Gilarakos are dead.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What were the causes?
Natural.
Nothing to do with
their service overseas?
No.
And Dwyer?
Do you have anything on him?
He was here undergoing treatment
until the fall of '79.
I haven't seen him since.
Are those pictures of him?
- Yes.
- May I?
Thank you.
I'll be frank.
The only reason I
agreed to see you
and give you this
information is that...
Well, maybe you can help us.
If you find him, I wish
you'd let us know about him.
Mr. Dwyer's a very sick man.
I don't think he
really understands
how sick he is.
You mean sick up here?
I can't divulge a patient's
private medical history.
Just please have
him get in touch.
We only want to help.
Yes sir, first
thing this morning.
We should get
outstanding media coverage
on the sky dive
press preview today.
I don't want any hitches today.
That press preview is crucial
to the success of the park.
We're on top of it, Colonel.
Well you'd better be.
By the time I arrive
for that grand opening,
you better have that
situation totally secure.
We will, sir.
I was just discussing
strategy with Williams here.
He assured me that the phantom
will definitely be contained.
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
And when that press
preview is over today...
I want that container.
[Woman] Ladies and
gentlemen of the press,
we're pleased to allow
you this unique peak
before the park is open
to the general public.
Welcome to Fun
USA's newest attraction:
the Geronimo.
We are very honored
to have with us today
four members of the
United States Marine
16th Airborne Battalion.
These brave men are
gonna be the first to dare
to ride the Geronimo.
Are you ready, gentlemen?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the fabulous Geronimo!
[applause]
Do you mind if we
get some pictures?
Think we'll get a
chance to ride it?
[crowd chatters]
[ride breaking down]
[crowd chatter]
Well, that does it.
What do you wanna
bet the old man's here
by the end of the day?
You know, the way this
whole thing's going down,
the phantom's got to have more
than a nodding
acquaintance with Fun USA.
Inside job?
Well, the guy goes and
comes as he pleases.
He... moves freely
by day or night.
I wouldn't be surprised
if he's an employee.
Well, let's ask
Denise to go through
the personnel
files and see if we
can get a line on Dwyer.
[blades whirring]
[whirring slows]
I think the Marines just landed.
And the situation
is not well in hand.
What's the status ordinance?
Everything will be
here by nightfall.
Search and destroy.
That's what Dwyer's
trying to do to me.
He doesn't want to kill me.
Could have done
that ten times already.
That's a pretty smart boy.
He knows how much I
got invested in Fun USA.
Just like Charlie.
Trying to bring down the giant
by untying his shoelaces.
Well, I wanna step on
that maggot with both feet.
[Woman] Okay, gnomes.
Today, we're going to
do some role-playing.
Now, let's see. Let's...
Let's get Ricky up here.
Come on. [laughs]
Come on, Ricky.
Aw, you're gonna
be so good at this.
You're gonna love it!
[laughs] Okay.
Um... I'm going to
pretend that I'm a little boy
who's had a very
big day at the park.
And I really should
be taken home
and put down for
a nap right away.
But, oh, no.
I want to play with you.
Okay, you dumb gnome.
Let's see you do something!
Hey, wait a minute!
What do you call that?
That was nothing!
I wanna see you do a backflip!
Sorry, kid. You're
looking at a gnome
with a bad back.
I'm gonna report you!
[sighs]
You wanna know
something about gnomes?
Gnomes love little kids.
We eat them.
For lunch.
[hisses] You got any
mayonnaise on ya?
[clears throat]
- Um...
- [breathing heavily]
That was, uh...
Uh, very cute, Ricky.
[clears throat] Uh... But...
Of course, we all know
that we would never
want to do anything
that would frighten
our little friends.
Isn't that right?
[cackles]
Well, um, that's
everything for today, class.
We'll, uh, meet here in
the same place tomorrow.
Thank you, Lori.
Did you check your
personnel records?
Got any Dwyers working here?
I don't know.
Grayson threw
me out of my office.
Colonel Lock-n'-Load
is turning the place
into a war zone.
Well, that's typical
top-brass mentality,
drop an a-bomb to kill a flee.
I got a feeling we'd
better find our boy
while there's
something still left to find.
I don't give a damn
who this phantom is
or what his problems are.
I just want him out of here.
Grayson is ready
to start World War III,
and I'm gonna be
caught in the crossfire.
Do you understand that?
Look, I think it's
pretty obvious by now
that Dwyer is working here.
Now, Grayson and his
troops know what he looks like,
so he's gotta have a way
of moving around the park
without being spotted.
Now, what kind of a job
would enable him to do that?
Gnomes who go through
other gnomes' lockers...
Get in a lot of trouble.
Maybe even get hurt.
Well, you got it all wrong.
See, I was just, uh,
looking for a match,
and, uh, your door
was open here,
so I just kind of, uh, Sorry.
Thanks for the fire.
And, uh, goodnight
Chesty, wherever you are.
Hey, wait a minute!
You were in the corps?
Semper Fi, mac.
But I gotta tell ya.
Two tours in 'Nam's
a day at the beach
compared to gnome city.
Yeah, I seen you around.
- Ricky, isn't it?
- Rick.
Yeah.
Well, once they get
your name straight,
the rest of its easy, huh?
[laughs]
When you first get here,
everything's a little too real.
But then you reach a
level you can maintain.
Sometimes, you
don't ever feel like
going back to the world.
Hey, wait a minute now.
We talking 'Nam or Gnome?
Hey, six or one.
At least they ain't
shooting at you over here.
Well, not yet, they're not.
Where'd you do your boot?
Pendleton. You?
P.I.
Oh, jeez, the swamp.
Hey, you know, I used to do
the same thing to my boonies.
I could really... I could walk
up the side of a banyan tree.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Guess you heard about
the climber, too, huh?
I am the climber.
See you around, Rick.
You're not out
there all alone, man.
Not anymore.
Come on.
I wanna help you
out of this thing.
What the hell are
you talking about?
Jarhead, name of Dwyer.
Now, we know he doesn't
want to hurt anybody.
Not... Not really.
And there's a lot of ways
you can get at Grayson legally.
- You're a cop or a fed?
- Friend.
Got an extra square?
Yeah.
Okay, friend.
Now, you stay
right where you are
and take a slow count to 30.
When I'm gone,
if I see your head
stick out that door, it's gone.
There's a lot of us that
care about you, Luke.
Dr. Anderson at
the VA wants to help.
Yeah, well, they
had their chance,
and now I got mine.
[gunshot]
A.J.!
[gunshots]
You still think that
guy's harmless?
Aw, A.J., he could
have killed us twice
without even thinking about it.
He bracketed your head in there.
That's just a warning.
I'm afraid the guy is a psycho.
Why, people are
real trigger-happy
with that word when it
comes to Vietnam vets.
If I weren't your brother,
you'd probably think
I was psycho just
'cause I was over there.
No, I thought you were
psycho before you went.
Yeah, I'm sure that was Dwyer.
Looked like he
was firing at them.
Stay close to those
two detectives.
They'll do your job for you.
Lead you right to our phantom.
All right.
If I were Dwyer, and I
wanted to create havoc,
I'd set up some sort
of a secret base camp
somewhere here.
You know, a place that
I could eat and sleep
and clean up and still
be close to the action.
- No.
- No.
Every single one
of these buildings
has been thoroughly
searched. A dozen times.
A field mouse couldn't set
up a hidden base camp here.
Hey, Rick. Let me see that mud
you got off Dwyer's boot.
Smells moldy.
Mm.
It's damp.
Tell me about the drain
system you got here.
Of course.
The storm drains.
- Huh?
- Fun USA was built
over a network of
abandoned storm drains.
So far, it sounds pretty solid.
But according to this
map, the theatre was built
over one of the
storm drain entrances.
Must be sealed up,
just like all the others.
Well, this is the
last access point.
If it ain't here, it
ain't anywhere.
And the guy disappeared
somewhere in this theatre.
Hey, guys, come give
me a hand with this.
Let's just, uh, move
it out this way, okay?
[groaning loudly]
Can I make a suggestion?
Please do.
Why don't we empty it first?
Good thinking.
Oh, boy.
Now we got it.
[groaning]
This thing feels like
it's bolted to the floor.
That's crazy. Nobody
would bolt a box
to the floor like that.
You're right. It's hinged.
Stand out of the way.
- Move, move, move.
- Oh!
There you go.
[grunting]
Denise, we're gonna
need you to stand guard.
If any of Grayson's
troops get close...
I make a lot of noise.
You make a lot of noise.
Gentlemen, be careful.
Williams, get Grayson.
We found them.
Ow.
[A.J.] What's this place?
This wasn't on the map.
[Rick] Looks like
an old boiler room.
[A.J.] All this
junk. This is stuff
Denise said got
stolen from Playland.
Welcome to Fire
Base Middle Earth.
It's a nice place to visit,
but I don't think
you'll live here.
[A.J.] Getting ready
to start another war?
Just trying to
finish the last one.
50-to-1 is not great odds.
You tell that to
the Vietcong, mac.
I don't know.
Killing Grayson
seems like a lousy way
to get people to listen to you.
I don't want to kill him.
I want him to get me.
I won't be the first
Marine that's he's killed,
but I'll be the last.
When I go, people learn
the truth about Shan Lok.
What was the truth?
It's all right here.
Pictures, documents,
depositions from survivors.
Well, why don't you
just take that stuff
to a newspaper or a
TV station or something?
- They'd eat that up.
- I been there.
They listen, they're polite.
But then they talk to
the Army, the D.O.D.
Next thing I know, they
tell me it don't check out.
Besides, Vietnam is
just another old show
that they watched years ago.
Eat your TV dinner, and
watch the kid next door
lying face down in the mud.
Pass the fish sticks
and sleep like a log.
I didn't sleep too well
during those years.
My brother was one of
the campus commandos.
He fought the war from
behind the protest sign.
We knew what was going on.
We were concerned
with larger issues
than toga parties, you know.
A.J., you want a
real large issue?
Breakfast. And
being alive to eat it.
You guys were worried about
whether you could carry
21 hours in one semester.
We were worried about
whether we were gonna make it
through the next 24!
That is why I didn't
sleep well at night!
Hey, if people like him
hadn't fought the way they did,
you might have
come home in a bag.
I'm just glad he
didn't have to go.
Yeah, me too.
[A.J.] What really did
happen at Shan Lok?
Colonel Grayson
called in an air strike
at a VC stronghold near
the Cambodian border.
Only trouble was, Charlie
wasn't the only one there.
My unit hadn't gotten out yet.
Yeah, but that doesn't
make it anybody's fault.
Friendly fire was a
fact of life over there.
Oh, friendly fire
I could handle.
But these birds weren't
just dropping explosives.
They were dropping
other little goodies, too.
The stuff was
supposed to just stop
the leaves from growing,
but I think it's an
odd coincidence
that 12 years later,
I'm the only one
from my outfit still left.
And I'm dying, too.
From the inside out.
Oh yeah, Grayson
knew we were there.
And he made it rain, anyway.
Why don't you let us help you?
Yeah, look, we got friends at
newspapers and TV stations.
Let us have that stuff.
We'll get the word out.
[A.J.] We can get
you out of here safely.
Back to a hospital.
Forget it.
I don't know how
much longer I got.
I'm not gonna lie
down and do nothing.
I got a story to tell.
You're not gonna
do a lot of talking
with 50 holes in your head.
Are you kidding me?
"Shootout at Amusement Park.
"Crazed Vietnam Vet Slain."
They're gonna check
something like that out.
They're gonna wanna
know why that happened.
And it's all right here.
Gonna let you guys go now.
But your weapons stay.
Don't you see? What
have I got to lose?
I'm a dead man.
Grayson killed me 12 years ago.
[Grayson] All right, Dwyer!
Put down your weapons
and come out of there!
How do we get out of here?
Come here.
[footsteps] [gas seeping]
[hatch closing]
Two guys cut him
off from behind!
Hurst, the rest of you
men, come with me!
Hurst! [gunshots]
[gunshots]
Go!
[gunshots]
Where the hell's Dwyer?
I don't know.
[gunshots]
Go! Go! Go!
All right, guys.
Luke!
Luke!
Luke... Now just calm down.
If you release the Colonel,
we can sort this thing out.
[Dwyer] Oh, we'll sort it out.
Just like this, nice and close.
[Grayson] Oh, that's fine,
let's... Let's get it over with.
What do you want, Dwyer?
Money?
Well, you name your price.
This isn't worth dying over.
Oh, yes it is.
Matter of fact, that's
exactly what I'm doing.
Now, I want you
to tell them why.
Come on!
I'm sorry about your situation.
I can't change that.
But that's the risk
of the deal you made
when you put on the blues!
That's not the deal I made.
I was prepared to be
killed by the enemy,
not by my own
commanding officer.
That whole incident
is a matter of record!
Oh yeah, it's the same
damn broken record
that you and the body-counters
have been playing for years.
It's time to set it straight!
Come on, Colonel!
Let's return to the
glorious days of yesteryear!
Shan Lok, '72!
Sounds like a vintage
wine, doesn't it, guys?
Yeah, well, turned out to be
one hell of a bad
year for all of us.
You're a sick man,
Dwyer. You need help.
I know some people
over at the VA that take...
No, I bet you've put
enough of us there.
When you called
the raid on Shan Lok,
you knew that we were
sitting right under it,
didn't you, sir!
Are you gonna believe
the official report
or this Section 8?
I don't know about
you guys, but I'll take
a Section 8 over
official report any day.
Anybody who was over there
knows about "official
reports," don't they?
What are you gonna believe,
what you see with your own eyes
and hear with your own ears
and feel in your own gut?
Or a piece of paper with
a bunch of numbers on it,
and yesterday, those numbers
were your best buddies?
Colonel, what about your side
of what happened at Shan Lok?
Did you know Dwyer's
unit was in there
when you called up the strike?
You guys never understand.
We had to go for it.
The whole sector
was riding on it.
You think... You
think I had time
to worry about 79 guys
who didn't get the word?
79?
You knew exactly how
many men were in there?
You damn right I knew
how many were in there.
And I'd do it all again.
They were expendable.
We all are.
Not me.
Not me.
Burn him!
What's the matter with you?
I'm telling you to burn him!
Give me that gun, Jeff!
I'm ordering you...
To shoot that man!
Kill him!
All of you!
Don't you run away from this!
I'm giving you orders!
I'll remember every one of you!
Well, I appreciate
you guys inviting me.
It means a lot.
It means a lot to
Luke, knowing history's
gonna get the score
straight on this thing.
It was your research
over the last couple months
that helped put
Grayson in the hot seat.
Just doing my duty.
You know, if the
feds do convict him,
Grayson's looking
at about, uh...
Oh, half a century of hard time.
It's too bad a Marine Corps
investigation takes so long.
After what they're gonna hear,
I think they'll wish they'd
put on a good show for Luke.
He's getting one.
"Yea, though I walk
through the valley
"of the shadow of death,
"I will fear no evil,
for thou art with me.
"Thy rod and thy
staff, they comfort me.
"Thou preparest
a table before me
"in the presence
of mine enemies.
"Thou annointest
my head with oil.
"My cup runneth over.
"Surely goodness and
mercy shall follow me
"all the days of my life,
"and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord forever."
♪ [drumline] ♪
♪ [bugle, drumline] ♪
♪ [Taps] ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
him "The Phantom."
He's starting to monkey
around with the rides.
I love mechanized death.
[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...
Seems like Miss Caroll
doesn't think your boys
are up to the job
of finding this loon,
so she's hired a couple
of private investigators.
Ricky?
What's the most important
part about being a gnome?
I don't know.
Look if this guy is a psycho,
he could go off
like a roman candle
all over the park.
I think the Marines just landed.
The situation is
not well in hand.
♪♪ [theme]
Delta 4, this is Ranger 1. Over.
[Man] Go ahead, Ranger 1.
Sector 2 is secure
and tucked in.
Like the old days, huh, Vince?
Yeah. Charlie, by
any other name,
still stinks.
Better get your butt
over the bumper cars.
Check out the rest of Sector 4.
You know the old man.
He's gonna be calling in
and he always
wants it in triplicate.
Yeah. When we
finally nail this sucker,
the old man'll probably
want copies of his ears.
[laughs]
You check out the control
board on The Mammoth?
Yeah, locked up tighter
than a monkey's smile.
Be glad when Grayson
pulls us outta here.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Moving on to Sector 4. Over.
[chuckles]
Great.
Ah, thank you, Bobby.
It's, ah, an interesting ride.
Thank you. Ah!
- Mr. Simon.
- Hi.
- And Mr. Simon.
- A.J.
Thank you for coming out.
I'm Denise Caroll,
the park manager.
Boy, and I was expecting...
I don't know, tattoos
and a pack of Lucky's
rolled up in a t-shirt sleeve.
You're thinking
about the carnival.
This, gentlemen,
is big business.
Please.
Well, what you're
describing sounds more like
vandalism than sabotage.
No. No. It's too systematic.
It's too well orchestrated.
Right now, we're calling
him "The Phantom."
[laughs]
Listen, please, don't laugh.
He's been operating for a month,
tampering with
our concessions...
The thermostats
in the food storage,
sabotaging the
soft drink machines.
And now it's
starting to escalate.
He's starting to monkey
around with the rides.
Yesterday we found
out the brakes went out
on two of the Grand Prix cars.
I told you they're not
here for thrills and chills.
She made a couple of phone calls
to that roller coaster
company this morning.
Maybe they're just repairmen.
No, they smell like
hired guns to me.
You stick with 'em. I'm
gonna call the old man.
Now this Phantom, whoever it is,
has to be stopped before
somebody gets hurt.
Well, what do your
security people think?
Actually, they're
part of the problem.
Listen, uh, could we
go someplace and talk?
Well, how about your office?
How about someplace
more private.
Who owns this place?
A fellow named Grayson.
A Lawrence Grayson.
He owns Consolidated
Amusements out of Galveston
and he bought this
park a few months ago.
Now he wants to
make it a flagship
for an entire chain.
"Fun USA."
Just what America needs...
More fun, more chains.
Well, that's Colonel Grayson.
Today "Fun USA,"
tomorrow, "Disney World."
He's already put 10
million dollars worth
of new repairs and
new rides into this place.
Is that Colonel, as in Kentucky?
No. As in Marine green, retired.
Colonel Grayson?
Mmm.
I think I saluted him somewhere.
Well, I haven't
had that pleasure.
So far it's been one long
growl on the telephone.
Uh-huh. You get used to that.
Marine colonels are born angry.
Are you okay?
Oh, sure I'm fine. I
love mechanized death.
Listen, I don't want
anybody to know
that I've hired the two of you.
If Grayson finds out I'm
second guessing him,
he'll have my head.
I'll be bringing in
personnel this week
for training,
rehearsing, whatnot.
Also test groups
to try out the park.
- So you should be able
to go unnoticed.
- Okay.
What?
The Phantom strikes again.
[high pitched
laughter] Just in time.
This time he's gone too far.
He's playing with this
giant like it's a tinker toy.
[sighs] When can you start?
As soon as we
get down from here.
We're gonna need coverage ops.
Right.
Listen, how about
you in maintenance
and you in theme work.
No, no, no. Wait. I
want theme work.
I always have to do
the maintenance stuff.
I want to do theme
work this time.
Okay.
What is that?
What's in a gnome?
Guffaws and chuckles
and shiny belt
buckles. [giggles]
He's friendly, he's happy,
his toe tap is snappy.
Thank you, Fritz.
Oh.
Now, who can tell me
what is the most important part
about being a gnome?
Let's see. Um... Ricky?
Ricky?
Rick.
Wanna repeat the question?
[laughs] A gnome is polite.
He always says "please."
He likes to have fun
and he'll never tease.
Now, Ricky, what's
the most important part
about being a gnome?
I don't know.
Sex?
[class chuckles]
Uh... [clears throat]
While our gnomes
are male and
female in appearance,
we know that they
are really neuter.
Aww.
[clears throat]
Let me answer that
question for you.
The most important thing
about being a gnome...
is the psychology
of being a gnome.
They're writing that down.
No, Colonel, I don't think
we should postpone the opening.
The media campaign is peaking,
and we have planned all
the opening ceremonies.
And what part of the ceremonies
do you have planned
for this lunatic phantom,
blowing up the reviewing stand?
We are doing everything
we can to find him, Colonel.
[Grayson] Well, good management
can find anything, Ms. Carroll.
The way I look at this, if
you're losing a ballgame,
sometimes it's because
coaches send in bad plays.
[Carroll on phone] Colonel, may
I remind you that you are the one
who wouldn't let
me call the police
when this whole
phantom thing got started?
Police mean publicity.
Besides, each man I sent you
is worth five of
those toys in blue.
Well, Grayson, I'd like
to go on the record here.
Your security men
have done nothing
but aggravate this situation.
They have spooked the preview
guests, and their presence
seems to have egged
on the phantom somehow.
Sir, this place
is being operated
like a runaway train.
We've been trying to maintain.
Mr. Hurst, I'm
speaking to Ms. Carroll.
You'll get your chance.
Yes, sir.
[Hurst] Sorry, sir.
I've noted your
opinion, Ms. Carroll,
and I'll certainly
keep it in mind.
Now if it's all right with you,
I'd like to go off the record.
I'll be coming down
there for that opening,
and I want it on schedule,
on budget and no
problem from the phantom
or anybody else, or you're gone.
Understood?
Yes.
Good. Now let me
speak to Mr. Hurst.
Put that cigarette out.
Yes, sir?
About those folders you sent me,
Andrew and Richard Simon.
Seems like Ms. Carroll,
uh, doesn't think your boys
are up to the job
of finding this loon,
so she's hired a couple
of private investigators.
Sir, we'll have 'em on the plane
- to Galveston
in a half-hour.
- Negative.
A couple of wild
cards like them,
just might lead us to our
- joker.
- Sir, are you sure
the phantom's
who you think it is?
Positive.
I've had dealings
with him before.
This time, I want him nailed.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir.
Those two detectives,
what if they get in the way?
Burn 'em.
I, uh, hate to interrupt you,
but, you know, it's
time to punch out.
We're supposed to
be working undercover,
and you're handing
out business cards?
Hey, that was one of
my fake business cards.
Artie Belson, sporting goods.
- Tell me something, Rick.
- Yeah.
On the rare occasions
- that this pathetic little
scam works, - Yeah.
And the girl actually calls
and you actually go out,
what happens?
Thought Dad
explained all that to you.
No.
No, I mean are you
"Artie Belson, sporting
goods" to her forever?
What's in a name?
Besides, any girl that'll
fall for a routine like that
thinks "forever" is the
name of a perfume.
I'm Artie Belson
three, four hours tops.
Shabby, Rick.
- Shabby.
- Yes, it is.
And a lot cheaper than
the 60-dollar bottle of wine
and the phony vintage
photo collection you use.
Let's face it.
Like what Dad always said,
doesn't matter how
you bait the hook,
just as long as you
get 'em in the bucket,
- right?
- [laughs]
Hey, listen.
Sure you wouldn't
like to trade jobs?
I mean, I understand the gnomes
have a really high suicide rate.
There's a lot of pressure there.
What, quit now just when
I've almost learned
to be neuter?
[A.J.] I would've
traded with you.
You could've gone
into maintenance.
[door creaks]
We're not remodeling that
place for another month.
There shouldn't
be anybody in there.
Hey!
Whoa!
[door opens]
That was the fastest
disappearing act since Houdini.
Yeah. Uh, left his
calling card, though.
All right, here's where
I took the header.
That print you're standing
next to is one of mine.
Take a look at this.
Well, so what?
These boots could
belong to anybody.
There's only one
shoe store in the world
where you can get
a set exactly like that.
Vietnam.
[exhales]
[water running]
They're government-issue,
jungle combat boots.
Could have bought
'em in any surplus store.
That's true.
But, uh, come here
and take a look at this.
A lot of guys in the 1st Mar Div
used to carve up
their boots like this.
- The 1st Mar Div?
- Yeah.
Think we could
keep this in English?
Oh, I forgot. You
were a campus soldier.
1st Marine Division.
There was a... guy over there,
a real crazy guy
called the climber.
He used to, uh, carve the divots
out of the soles of
his boots like this,
give himself what he
called "sniper traction."
No, I heard he could
almost literally walk
up the side of a tree,
find himself a spot
to shoot a Charlie.
I haven't seen anything
like this since the war.
So what we've
got is a boot print,
some war stories
about crazies in Vietnam,
and all of a sudden, you're
sure he's an ex-Marine.
There's no such
thing as an ex-Marine.
- Ah.
- See, after awhile,
the climber got to
be kind of a legend.
Pretty soon, there
were dozens of guys
all over the place
imitating him.
Well, you had to pick up
on whatever could
give you an edge.
And what was yours?
Never volunteering.
- Aha.
- Aha-ha.
Look, if this guy is a psycho,
he could go off like a roman
candle all over the park.
A.J., up until now, the
guy's been pretty harmless.
- I beg your pardon?
- Yeah.
Harmless? You call that
roller coaster
incident harmless?
Oh, now, wait a minute.
The guy knew exactly
what he was doing.
Now, he had it timed
so that it only stopped
when the cars
were going real slow.
If the phantom is
what you think he is,
then we have a Marine combat vet
- at either end
of this situation.
- Bingo.
Well, maybe
they're tied together.
Don't you think we ought
to find out a little bit more
about Colonel
Grayson, USMC retired?
Got just the guy.
Is that one of your
drinking buddies?
The man's a respected historian.
[ping pong ball bouncing]
[chuckles] 20-19.
All right, come on. Just serve.
I think I'll play this
one left-handed.
Just serve it, will ya?
Last chance to raise the ante.
All right, make it an even buck,
you weasel!
Aah!
[laughing]
That'll buy you a beer.
Come on. [laughs]
Wow.
Thank you.
This is very impressive.
Do you do this for a living?
No, I do it for the dead.
Now, what can I do for you?
Little history lesson?
How to subdue a
tiny Asian country
in 15 years for
5 trillion dollars?
No, thanks. I already
took that course.
Just need to check up
on a couple of gyrenes.
Okay.
Let me get this
old boy warmed up
and we'll see what we can find.
Grayson, Lawrence.
Military advisor, '61.
Well, the guy was
there from the beginning.
Let's see here.
Lieutenant '63, platoon
leader, exec officer '64,
company commander '65.
He did four tours.
Distinguished service
cross, bronze star,
silver star, nomination
for Congressional medal.
Boy, looks like you
got everything there
but the national anthem.
Uh, the rest of this
stuff is pretty dry.
Let me call up some juice.
Good friend of mine.
War zone
correspondent over there,
did a lot of
investigative stuff.
I can tap right into the
wire service morgues.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
Shh. It's thinking.
It's thinking.
Ah, here we are.
Ooh, I remember this one.
There was some kind of hassle
over near the Cambodian border.
Grayson called in an air strike,
but there's some
question whether he got
- all his people out first.
- Friendly fire?
I don't know.
Story's kinda vague.
But when they got that
company out of there,
they shipped everyone off
to different posts in the states.
Then G-2 popped
the black lid on it.
This is the only piece
ever written about it.
Newsweek reporter
interviewed three guys in Saigon
before they shipped out.
They were Janz,
Gilarakos, and Dwyer.
I don't suppose
that was the highlight
of the Colonel's career,
calling in fire on
his own troops.
Are you kidding?
They gave him a
cluster for his silver star.
Well, where do you
suggest we start?
Well, they were all headed
for hospitals stateside,
so you might check
with Pendleton,
or maybe the VA.
Okay.
Hmm, we have seen
some strange times
haven't we, my friend?
That we have.
[Woman] Corporal Janz and
Specfor Gilarakos are dead.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What were the causes?
Natural.
Nothing to do with
their service overseas?
No.
And Dwyer?
Do you have anything on him?
He was here undergoing treatment
until the fall of '79.
I haven't seen him since.
Are those pictures of him?
- Yes.
- May I?
Thank you.
I'll be frank.
The only reason I
agreed to see you
and give you this
information is that...
Well, maybe you can help us.
If you find him, I wish
you'd let us know about him.
Mr. Dwyer's a very sick man.
I don't think he
really understands
how sick he is.
You mean sick up here?
I can't divulge a patient's
private medical history.
Just please have
him get in touch.
We only want to help.
Yes sir, first
thing this morning.
We should get
outstanding media coverage
on the sky dive
press preview today.
I don't want any hitches today.
That press preview is crucial
to the success of the park.
We're on top of it, Colonel.
Well you'd better be.
By the time I arrive
for that grand opening,
you better have that
situation totally secure.
We will, sir.
I was just discussing
strategy with Williams here.
He assured me that the phantom
will definitely be contained.
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
And when that press
preview is over today...
I want that container.
[Woman] Ladies and
gentlemen of the press,
we're pleased to allow
you this unique peak
before the park is open
to the general public.
Welcome to Fun
USA's newest attraction:
the Geronimo.
We are very honored
to have with us today
four members of the
United States Marine
16th Airborne Battalion.
These brave men are
gonna be the first to dare
to ride the Geronimo.
Are you ready, gentlemen?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the fabulous Geronimo!
[applause]
Do you mind if we
get some pictures?
Think we'll get a
chance to ride it?
[crowd chatters]
[ride breaking down]
[crowd chatter]
Well, that does it.
What do you wanna
bet the old man's here
by the end of the day?
You know, the way this
whole thing's going down,
the phantom's got to have more
than a nodding
acquaintance with Fun USA.
Inside job?
Well, the guy goes and
comes as he pleases.
He... moves freely
by day or night.
I wouldn't be surprised
if he's an employee.
Well, let's ask
Denise to go through
the personnel
files and see if we
can get a line on Dwyer.
[blades whirring]
[whirring slows]
I think the Marines just landed.
And the situation
is not well in hand.
What's the status ordinance?
Everything will be
here by nightfall.
Search and destroy.
That's what Dwyer's
trying to do to me.
He doesn't want to kill me.
Could have done
that ten times already.
That's a pretty smart boy.
He knows how much I
got invested in Fun USA.
Just like Charlie.
Trying to bring down the giant
by untying his shoelaces.
Well, I wanna step on
that maggot with both feet.
[Woman] Okay, gnomes.
Today, we're going to
do some role-playing.
Now, let's see. Let's...
Let's get Ricky up here.
Come on. [laughs]
Come on, Ricky.
Aw, you're gonna
be so good at this.
You're gonna love it!
[laughs] Okay.
Um... I'm going to
pretend that I'm a little boy
who's had a very
big day at the park.
And I really should
be taken home
and put down for
a nap right away.
But, oh, no.
I want to play with you.
Okay, you dumb gnome.
Let's see you do something!
Hey, wait a minute!
What do you call that?
That was nothing!
I wanna see you do a backflip!
Sorry, kid. You're
looking at a gnome
with a bad back.
I'm gonna report you!
[sighs]
You wanna know
something about gnomes?
Gnomes love little kids.
We eat them.
For lunch.
[hisses] You got any
mayonnaise on ya?
[clears throat]
- Um...
- [breathing heavily]
That was, uh...
Uh, very cute, Ricky.
[clears throat] Uh... But...
Of course, we all know
that we would never
want to do anything
that would frighten
our little friends.
Isn't that right?
[cackles]
Well, um, that's
everything for today, class.
We'll, uh, meet here in
the same place tomorrow.
Thank you, Lori.
Did you check your
personnel records?
Got any Dwyers working here?
I don't know.
Grayson threw
me out of my office.
Colonel Lock-n'-Load
is turning the place
into a war zone.
Well, that's typical
top-brass mentality,
drop an a-bomb to kill a flee.
I got a feeling we'd
better find our boy
while there's
something still left to find.
I don't give a damn
who this phantom is
or what his problems are.
I just want him out of here.
Grayson is ready
to start World War III,
and I'm gonna be
caught in the crossfire.
Do you understand that?
Look, I think it's
pretty obvious by now
that Dwyer is working here.
Now, Grayson and his
troops know what he looks like,
so he's gotta have a way
of moving around the park
without being spotted.
Now, what kind of a job
would enable him to do that?
Gnomes who go through
other gnomes' lockers...
Get in a lot of trouble.
Maybe even get hurt.
Well, you got it all wrong.
See, I was just, uh,
looking for a match,
and, uh, your door
was open here,
so I just kind of, uh, Sorry.
Thanks for the fire.
And, uh, goodnight
Chesty, wherever you are.
Hey, wait a minute!
You were in the corps?
Semper Fi, mac.
But I gotta tell ya.
Two tours in 'Nam's
a day at the beach
compared to gnome city.
Yeah, I seen you around.
- Ricky, isn't it?
- Rick.
Yeah.
Well, once they get
your name straight,
the rest of its easy, huh?
[laughs]
When you first get here,
everything's a little too real.
But then you reach a
level you can maintain.
Sometimes, you
don't ever feel like
going back to the world.
Hey, wait a minute now.
We talking 'Nam or Gnome?
Hey, six or one.
At least they ain't
shooting at you over here.
Well, not yet, they're not.
Where'd you do your boot?
Pendleton. You?
P.I.
Oh, jeez, the swamp.
Hey, you know, I used to do
the same thing to my boonies.
I could really... I could walk
up the side of a banyan tree.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Guess you heard about
the climber, too, huh?
I am the climber.
See you around, Rick.
You're not out
there all alone, man.
Not anymore.
Come on.
I wanna help you
out of this thing.
What the hell are
you talking about?
Jarhead, name of Dwyer.
Now, we know he doesn't
want to hurt anybody.
Not... Not really.
And there's a lot of ways
you can get at Grayson legally.
- You're a cop or a fed?
- Friend.
Got an extra square?
Yeah.
Okay, friend.
Now, you stay
right where you are
and take a slow count to 30.
When I'm gone,
if I see your head
stick out that door, it's gone.
There's a lot of us that
care about you, Luke.
Dr. Anderson at
the VA wants to help.
Yeah, well, they
had their chance,
and now I got mine.
[gunshot]
A.J.!
[gunshots]
You still think that
guy's harmless?
Aw, A.J., he could
have killed us twice
without even thinking about it.
He bracketed your head in there.
That's just a warning.
I'm afraid the guy is a psycho.
Why, people are
real trigger-happy
with that word when it
comes to Vietnam vets.
If I weren't your brother,
you'd probably think
I was psycho just
'cause I was over there.
No, I thought you were
psycho before you went.
Yeah, I'm sure that was Dwyer.
Looked like he
was firing at them.
Stay close to those
two detectives.
They'll do your job for you.
Lead you right to our phantom.
All right.
If I were Dwyer, and I
wanted to create havoc,
I'd set up some sort
of a secret base camp
somewhere here.
You know, a place that
I could eat and sleep
and clean up and still
be close to the action.
- No.
- No.
Every single one
of these buildings
has been thoroughly
searched. A dozen times.
A field mouse couldn't set
up a hidden base camp here.
Hey, Rick. Let me see that mud
you got off Dwyer's boot.
Smells moldy.
Mm.
It's damp.
Tell me about the drain
system you got here.
Of course.
The storm drains.
- Huh?
- Fun USA was built
over a network of
abandoned storm drains.
So far, it sounds pretty solid.
But according to this
map, the theatre was built
over one of the
storm drain entrances.
Must be sealed up,
just like all the others.
Well, this is the
last access point.
If it ain't here, it
ain't anywhere.
And the guy disappeared
somewhere in this theatre.
Hey, guys, come give
me a hand with this.
Let's just, uh, move
it out this way, okay?
[groaning loudly]
Can I make a suggestion?
Please do.
Why don't we empty it first?
Good thinking.
Oh, boy.
Now we got it.
[groaning]
This thing feels like
it's bolted to the floor.
That's crazy. Nobody
would bolt a box
to the floor like that.
You're right. It's hinged.
Stand out of the way.
- Move, move, move.
- Oh!
There you go.
[grunting]
Denise, we're gonna
need you to stand guard.
If any of Grayson's
troops get close...
I make a lot of noise.
You make a lot of noise.
Gentlemen, be careful.
Williams, get Grayson.
We found them.
Ow.
[A.J.] What's this place?
This wasn't on the map.
[Rick] Looks like
an old boiler room.
[A.J.] All this
junk. This is stuff
Denise said got
stolen from Playland.
Welcome to Fire
Base Middle Earth.
It's a nice place to visit,
but I don't think
you'll live here.
[A.J.] Getting ready
to start another war?
Just trying to
finish the last one.
50-to-1 is not great odds.
You tell that to
the Vietcong, mac.
I don't know.
Killing Grayson
seems like a lousy way
to get people to listen to you.
I don't want to kill him.
I want him to get me.
I won't be the first
Marine that's he's killed,
but I'll be the last.
When I go, people learn
the truth about Shan Lok.
What was the truth?
It's all right here.
Pictures, documents,
depositions from survivors.
Well, why don't you
just take that stuff
to a newspaper or a
TV station or something?
- They'd eat that up.
- I been there.
They listen, they're polite.
But then they talk to
the Army, the D.O.D.
Next thing I know, they
tell me it don't check out.
Besides, Vietnam is
just another old show
that they watched years ago.
Eat your TV dinner, and
watch the kid next door
lying face down in the mud.
Pass the fish sticks
and sleep like a log.
I didn't sleep too well
during those years.
My brother was one of
the campus commandos.
He fought the war from
behind the protest sign.
We knew what was going on.
We were concerned
with larger issues
than toga parties, you know.
A.J., you want a
real large issue?
Breakfast. And
being alive to eat it.
You guys were worried about
whether you could carry
21 hours in one semester.
We were worried about
whether we were gonna make it
through the next 24!
That is why I didn't
sleep well at night!
Hey, if people like him
hadn't fought the way they did,
you might have
come home in a bag.
I'm just glad he
didn't have to go.
Yeah, me too.
[A.J.] What really did
happen at Shan Lok?
Colonel Grayson
called in an air strike
at a VC stronghold near
the Cambodian border.
Only trouble was, Charlie
wasn't the only one there.
My unit hadn't gotten out yet.
Yeah, but that doesn't
make it anybody's fault.
Friendly fire was a
fact of life over there.
Oh, friendly fire
I could handle.
But these birds weren't
just dropping explosives.
They were dropping
other little goodies, too.
The stuff was
supposed to just stop
the leaves from growing,
but I think it's an
odd coincidence
that 12 years later,
I'm the only one
from my outfit still left.
And I'm dying, too.
From the inside out.
Oh yeah, Grayson
knew we were there.
And he made it rain, anyway.
Why don't you let us help you?
Yeah, look, we got friends at
newspapers and TV stations.
Let us have that stuff.
We'll get the word out.
[A.J.] We can get
you out of here safely.
Back to a hospital.
Forget it.
I don't know how
much longer I got.
I'm not gonna lie
down and do nothing.
I got a story to tell.
You're not gonna
do a lot of talking
with 50 holes in your head.
Are you kidding me?
"Shootout at Amusement Park.
"Crazed Vietnam Vet Slain."
They're gonna check
something like that out.
They're gonna wanna
know why that happened.
And it's all right here.
Gonna let you guys go now.
But your weapons stay.
Don't you see? What
have I got to lose?
I'm a dead man.
Grayson killed me 12 years ago.
[Grayson] All right, Dwyer!
Put down your weapons
and come out of there!
How do we get out of here?
Come here.
[footsteps] [gas seeping]
[hatch closing]
Two guys cut him
off from behind!
Hurst, the rest of you
men, come with me!
Hurst! [gunshots]
[gunshots]
Go!
[gunshots]
Where the hell's Dwyer?
I don't know.
[gunshots]
Go! Go! Go!
All right, guys.
Luke!
Luke!
Luke... Now just calm down.
If you release the Colonel,
we can sort this thing out.
[Dwyer] Oh, we'll sort it out.
Just like this, nice and close.
[Grayson] Oh, that's fine,
let's... Let's get it over with.
What do you want, Dwyer?
Money?
Well, you name your price.
This isn't worth dying over.
Oh, yes it is.
Matter of fact, that's
exactly what I'm doing.
Now, I want you
to tell them why.
Come on!
I'm sorry about your situation.
I can't change that.
But that's the risk
of the deal you made
when you put on the blues!
That's not the deal I made.
I was prepared to be
killed by the enemy,
not by my own
commanding officer.
That whole incident
is a matter of record!
Oh yeah, it's the same
damn broken record
that you and the body-counters
have been playing for years.
It's time to set it straight!
Come on, Colonel!
Let's return to the
glorious days of yesteryear!
Shan Lok, '72!
Sounds like a vintage
wine, doesn't it, guys?
Yeah, well, turned out to be
one hell of a bad
year for all of us.
You're a sick man,
Dwyer. You need help.
I know some people
over at the VA that take...
No, I bet you've put
enough of us there.
When you called
the raid on Shan Lok,
you knew that we were
sitting right under it,
didn't you, sir!
Are you gonna believe
the official report
or this Section 8?
I don't know about
you guys, but I'll take
a Section 8 over
official report any day.
Anybody who was over there
knows about "official
reports," don't they?
What are you gonna believe,
what you see with your own eyes
and hear with your own ears
and feel in your own gut?
Or a piece of paper with
a bunch of numbers on it,
and yesterday, those numbers
were your best buddies?
Colonel, what about your side
of what happened at Shan Lok?
Did you know Dwyer's
unit was in there
when you called up the strike?
You guys never understand.
We had to go for it.
The whole sector
was riding on it.
You think... You
think I had time
to worry about 79 guys
who didn't get the word?
79?
You knew exactly how
many men were in there?
You damn right I knew
how many were in there.
And I'd do it all again.
They were expendable.
We all are.
Not me.
Not me.
Burn him!
What's the matter with you?
I'm telling you to burn him!
Give me that gun, Jeff!
I'm ordering you...
To shoot that man!
Kill him!
All of you!
Don't you run away from this!
I'm giving you orders!
I'll remember every one of you!
Well, I appreciate
you guys inviting me.
It means a lot.
It means a lot to
Luke, knowing history's
gonna get the score
straight on this thing.
It was your research
over the last couple months
that helped put
Grayson in the hot seat.
Just doing my duty.
You know, if the
feds do convict him,
Grayson's looking
at about, uh...
Oh, half a century of hard time.
It's too bad a Marine Corps
investigation takes so long.
After what they're gonna hear,
I think they'll wish they'd
put on a good show for Luke.
He's getting one.
"Yea, though I walk
through the valley
"of the shadow of death,
"I will fear no evil,
for thou art with me.
"Thy rod and thy
staff, they comfort me.
"Thou preparest
a table before me
"in the presence
of mine enemies.
"Thou annointest
my head with oil.
"My cup runneth over.
"Surely goodness and
mercy shall follow me
"all the days of my life,
"and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord forever."
♪ [drumline] ♪
♪ [bugle, drumline] ♪
♪ [Taps] ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA