Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 2, Episode 1 - Emeralds Are Not a Girl's Best Friend - full transcript

[Announcer] Last
hour, on Magnum...

I don't know how you hot shots

operate in California.

While Rick and A.J.
matched wits with Thomas,

- Thomas...
- Wax that, hot shot.

A beautiful con artist...

I sometimes get very lonely.

- Don't you.
- Sometimes.

Escaped with $350,000.

You sent her to the bank?

Hold that plane.



Well, how about L.A.,

'cause this baby just left?

I am going with you!

Magnum, that woman used
me, stripped me of my dignity.

Okay, Higgins, go get her.

We'll take care of him.

Oh, Higgins can
take care of himself.

You just take care of Catherine.

- And now, continuing - [bang]

on tonight's Simon & Simon...

I do believe I am
beginning to smell the rich,

dark aroma of a con.

I smell a lot of money
being made here.

A lot of money, am I right?



I'm not at all sure
this plan will work.

The woman is
nobody's fool, you know?

So trust us.

Oh, that's a hot one.
You gotta be kidding.

Hang on and duck.

[tires squealing]

♪♪ [theme]

[cork pops]

You know there's
something really nice

about champagne
well-chilled at 30,000 feet,

being served to you by
this absolutely gorgeous

- flight attendant.
- How are you, Sylvia?

Thank you.

What more could you ask for?

Well, well, let's...

Let's not count the bubbles
until the cork is popped, okay?

Oh, come one.
Lighten up, little brother.

Now, Catherine's airplane
oughta be touching down

in LAX any minute now,
the F.B.I. there to greet her,

and Higgins on the next flight.

- Hmm.
- [popping sound]

Time to party.

[pouring champagne]

- To my brother.
- Nope.

- To my brother.
- No, to my brother.

Ladies and gentleman,
this is your captain speaking.

We'll have you on the ground
in Los Angeles in just a minute.

There is going to be a slight
delay getting into the terminal

because of a press
conference of some kind.

We're sorry for
the inconvenience.

Hope you had a nice flight.

Looking forward to
having you fly with us again.

Aha, you see? The
media's already in on it.

Ah, isn't that too bad?

In fact, I bet they're
waiting for us when we land.

Tell you what, I'll flip
you for the mini-cams.

- Oh, no, you handle those.
- Thank you very much.

I'll take care of all the
papers and the wire services.

- Well, you've always
been better at that.
- Mm-hmm.

- On the other hand...
- Yes?

If it's the network,
then we sing a duet.

Ah, Simon and
Simon, details at 11.

Certainly like
the sound of that.

Oh, boy.

What network do you
supposed they're with?

Everybody must
be at the wrong gate.

Except us, of course.

We seem to be at the right gate.

Yes, we certainly are.

[Rick sighs]

Guess the F.B.I. just
didn't want all that publicity.

Yeah.

What do you mean,
a small problem?

Catherine Hailey was
on flight number 23

from Honolulu.

And Higgins' plane
was supposed to land

ten minutes afterwards...

Look, didn't any of this happen?

Well, not exactly.

What do you mean, not exactly?

What did happen, exactly?

- There! That's her.
- You got her.

That's not her.

You don't have her.

Thanks for telling
us we've let a woman

who embezzled $350,000

slip through our fingers.

And without a doubt,

the underpinnings of
her ultimate chicanery

were predicated from
the very beginning

on the swindle of money
from a charity auction,

to benefit a group
of needy orphans.

Are we all together on this?

We've been over it before.

This tends to
remind me of 28 days

of unrelenting misery,

which I spent in a
Changi tiger cage.

All right, you can go now.

Aha! Progress!

You've managed to
apprehend the two blaggards

who broke into the estate.

Wrong, Higgins.

We're on the same side.

We are?

Yes.

Well, Magnum did
mention something about...

Higgins, they have
said that you can go

and that we'll straighten
all this out later.

After you.

And then you two came along

and added even more confusion

to already foul stew.

Clearly, a recipe for disaster.

I'll call Magnum.

Call collect.

[dog growling]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hello, Magnum?

What took you so bloody long?

- Higgins.
- Where are you?

Well, I'm in the
kitchen feeding the lads.

That's very commendable,
but even they will have to wait.

We've got a major
crisis on our hands.

I know, Higgins.
The police called.

We've been victimized
by an incredible ruse.

Higgins!

I'm at a total loss
at to how she...

Uh, Magnum, Rick Simon. Listen.

Somebody doubled
Catherine and flew in her place.

I know. That's what I've
been trying to tell Higgins.

She bribed a woman
in the ladies' room here.

At least we know where she went.

Panagua, Costa Nueva.

Oh.

Yeah, that's the good news.

That's the good news?

What's the bad news?

Costa Nueva doesn't have

an extradition treaty

with the United
States. Now, I'll be there

as soon as I can grab a flight.

Magnum? A.J.

Look, she never saw me
or Rick face to face, right?

I don't think so. Why?

Because if you go after
her and she runs again,

you can spend the
best part of your life

playing cat and mouse
in South America.

However, if we go after her,

- she won't have her
guard up, - Pst, A.J.!

- Hey, A.J.! No, no.
- She won't...

Just a second. She won't know

that she's been made,
and we can catch her.

Come on, I don't
even know you guys.

So trust us.

That's a hot one.
You gotta be kidding.

All right, so don't trust us.

We'll keep in touch.

Let me talk to Higgins.

Yes?

- What? What's the problem?
- I understand completely.

Of course.

Have you ever been
to Costa Nueva?

No. Why, have you?

Buenos días, señorita.

Oh, Catherine.

What a delightful sight.

My goodness.

You certainly have
gotten more physical

since my last visit.

In Costa Nueva, one
who runs for office

must also be
prepared to run from it.

Here today, Miami tomorrow.

[speaking Spanish]

I understand.

Your latest swindle
was a big success.

Now, tell me,

who was your happy
victim this time?

Sam Pineapple Baron?

No, better than that.

An orphanage.

An orphanage?

Marvelous.

Daddy's mining orphans?

$200,000 in cash,

and another 150,000
in cashier's checks.

Do you think I'll have any
problem cashing them?

Of course not, Katerina.

We'll just issue the
new million-percent note.

With my picture. My picture
looks quite impressive.

Ramón, the only
presidents I bank with

are Washington and Lincoln.

I understand, Catherine.

But, uh, perhaps

I can guide you into
an investment, hmm?

This money goes right
into a safe deposit box,

and that is exactly
where it's going to stay.

Till I need it.

I worked very hard for this,

and no one is gonna
take it away from me.

Not even you.

[laughing]

At least, allow me
to ensure its safety.

I will give you Raúl.

Take him with you
wherever you go.

He will be your
personal bodyguard.

He will not allow
anybody to get near you.

Anybody.

Except me, of course, hmm?

Of course, Ramón.

[Rick] Benson. Henry Benson.

No, I'm not a
member of the family.

He's an old friend of mine.

No, no, no, not Henson.

Operator, ¡por favor!

Benson!

Ben-son!

Sí, Enrique.

- Hey, señor.
- Gracias.

You wanna buy a lottery ticket?

- Shh.
- You win a million.

A million what?

A million pesetas.

It's about 100 bucks. Hello?

You can buy a lot with
100 dollars in Costa Nueva.

- Cameras, radios,
TVs - Hello? Damn.

Hey, you guys like animals?

Not that much we don't.

Cut me off. Wonderful country.

We oughta be sending
them telephones

instead of M16s. What...

Higgins, don't turn around.

Just keep on going.

Catherine's in the lobby,
and she's coming this way.

Tell me when the coast is clear,

- and I'll repair
to my room.
- Okay.

Go, now.

[Kid] I got it, señor.

I got a special
deal for both of you.

Walk west til
your hat floats, kid.

- Get outta here.
- Shares in a gold mine.

Mucho oro.

What gold mine?

Beat it, will ya?

Hello, Ramón.

Oh, Catherine.

You lovely this morning.

[giggling]

Well, she sure
didn't waste any time

getting to know the
right people, did she?

That is definitely somebody

with a lot of coffee beans.

Coal mines.

What's wrong with you?

I do believe I'm
beginning to smell

the rich, dark aroma of a con.

Hey, kid! [whistles]

Yo, kid!

Whoa. Look it, uh...

I don't like gold
mines too much.

What other kind of mines
you got in this country?

Are you pulling my chain, man?

No. What kind of mines
you got?
- We got it all.

We got silver, we got, uh,
copper, borax, emeralds.

Emeralds, emeralds.
I like the sound of that.

- What do you think?
- I think you're crazy.

Well, I know that,
but what do you think

- about an emerald mine?
- I don't...

[Together] Oh, hi, guys.

- Uh, you probably want us...
- Let's take it easy here.

I mean, hey, there's
a curb back here.

A.J.?

You okay?

A.J.?

You okay?

Hey!

Up you go. Atta boy.

- Oh.
- You're okay, now, huh?

- Yeah.
- You're sure?

Oh, God.

We've gotta call the
American ambassador.

Good idea.

Little bit late, though.

The American
ambassador left, 1958.

- What?
- Yeah, but I figured out
why we're in here.

Remember you wrote
down that license number?

President's car. They
think we're terrorists.

Oh, no.

Aw, don't worry about
it. We're in Fat City here.

- Fat City?
- Mm-hmm.

If you're idea of Fat City

is sitting here watching
these walls sweat

for the next 20 years,
then you are right.

We are in Fat City
right up to our necks.

Not if we use our heads.

Now, Henry's gonna
get us out of here.

In the meantime, we
haven't blown our cover,

and while you were asleep,

I figured out a way
of nailing Catherine.

- You did?
- Yeah, you're gonna love it.

- I doubt it.
- No, you will. Listen to this.

Now, Catherine's beautiful.

I mean, you gotta admit,

she is an attractive
woman, right?

Probably a very
good conversationalist,

lonely, hungry for love.

- No. Oh no.
- Yeah. Oh yeah.

Look, I don't know what you're
thinking, but the answer is no.

Aw, come on, A.J.

No, forget... What
am I worried about?

We're gonna be
here til we're 50?

- You can't find Henry.
- Yes, I can.

Wait a minute.
Wasn't Henry the guy

that used to send
you little packages

that arrived already opened?

Yeah, but he got out of
the import/export business.

I understand now
that he's down here

and he's a
legitimate journalist.

Oh, great. That's just great.

You're never gonna find him.

You can't even remember
what he looks like.

No, no, no.

Guy like Henry,
you don't forget.

Man, he's a...

Well, he looks a lot like
that guy right over there.

He is that guy right over there.

[Rick] Hey, Henry!

Rick?

Yo, haggis!

Ricky?

- Rick... Ricky!
- Hey!

How you doing!

- Ricky!
- Good to see you, buddy!

Gee, what are you
doing here, man?

I'm looking for you.
What are you doing in jail?

- I'm in here all the time.
- Yeah?

I keep getting caught
by the government.

- Aww.
- See, I've been researching

this giant piece
on the revolution

for Rolling Stone.

I've been with
the guerrillas for...

For a year now,
in the mountains.

- You know, like Plimpton
did with the Lions?
- Yeah.

And let me tell you,

Super Sunday is
coming real soon.

Ah, glad to hear it.

[Henry] Is that your brother?

- Yeah.
- No, don't get up, man.

Good to see you again, huh?

Uh, Henry... How can
we get out of here?

Hey, man, getting
out is no problem.

See? What'd I tell ya, huh?

It just takes a lot of money.

[A.J.] How much money?

Half a million, at least.

[A.J.] Oh, no.

Pesetas?

- Ooh, no.
- Sure, man. What else?

A.J... - Oh... - A.J.

- Oh.
- About 50 bucks.

Oh.

Henry, you've been
down here too long.

[A.J.] What, hello?
Hello? Operator?

What? Hello? Hello? What?

No, I do not want to
talk to Santiago in Chile.

I am trying to get
through to San Diego

in California, in the U.S.A.

I'm not at all sure
this plan will work.

The woman is
nobody's fool, you know?

Well, she doesn't have to be.

She's greedy,
and she's larcenist,

and A.J. over there
is gonna be charming

and even more larcenist.

Right, A.J.?

No, no, no. It's up
here, right there.

There aren't any emerald
mines in that part of the country.

There aren't any guerillas in
that part of the country, either.

What? Hello?

[Janet] Hello?

- Janet?
- Hi. How are you?

- Hi, yeah it's me.
- I know, how are you?

- Fine.
- Good, how's Rick?

Yeah, he's fine, too.

How's it going? It's
good to hear your voice.

Terrific, yes. It's good
to hear your voice.

[static]

- Uh, Janet?
- Yes.

How would you like a vacation?

- What?
- Vacation.

- Hell, hello.
- Gracias.

- Hi, how are ya?
- How are ya?

Hi. You know, I
was a little worried

when I saw the plane
and then this airport.

I was thinking,
"Uh-huh, some vacation.

"What have the guys got
me roped into this time?"

But, I do like the car.

The car is nice.

Uh, well, actually...

I'm really just
here to say hello.

Uh, Rick has got other
transportation for you.

Here he comes right now.

Rick's gonna explain
everything, okay?

I got a date with
a red convertible.

I'll see you soon.

[honks]

[honks again]

- [tires screech]
- Oh, mo!

Sorry about that.

Didn't mean to cause
any damage there.

Uh, hey... Let's
take it easy, now.

It's just a little
fender bender.

Hold it, Raúl.

Thank you.

I think you just saved my life.

Temporarily.

He can kill you as soon as I get
your address and phone number

and the name of your
insurance company.

Oh, hey, come on.

There's no need to
report this to the policía.

I have a friend who
does great body work.

You don't do your own body work.

Not on cars.

But I'll get yours fixed.

24 hours, as good as new.

Is there some reason
you don't want me

to report this to the policía?

No, you know. Just
red tape, that's all.

If I agree to this,

and that car is not
as good as new,

you're in big trouble.

It'll be better than new.

Tell you what, let's
meet at the Playa Real

at 11:00, and work
out all the details, okay?

At 11.

You have just picked a very
expensive way to get acquainted.

Drive carefully.

Guess what, A.J. I got
through to Daddy in Texas,

and I told him to come on
down here, it's so beautiful.

- I told him about that
beautiful stretch of beach...
- Um.

What's a matter, darlin'?

Well, now, I know I told
you we'd go into town.

But I've got a little business
I have to take care of first.

- Business?
- Just a little bitty business.

Now, you go on by yourself.

All alone?

Just for a few
little bitty minutes.

Little bitty minutes?

Little bitty minutes.

Better be bitty. Okay.

[kissing]

[Janet] Love ya.

Yes.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

Can I get you a fresh drink?

Oh, no. I wouldn't want you
to mix business with pleasure,

now would I?

Or keep Debbie
from Dallas waiting.

It's Janet from Houston.

What's the matter?

Nothing, I just had the
wrong idea, apparently.

I'm sorry.

About the car... I'm
sorry about that, too.

Give me the
keys. I'll get it fixed.

I'll bring it back
to you tomorrow.

Hey, that car is worth
$50,000 down here.

Now, what on earth
makes you think

I'm going to believe
you, a perfect stranger,

I want some protection.

What do you mean by protection?

I mean collateral.

Either that, or I
call the policía.

Oh, come on. I don't go around
with $50,000 on me, you know.

That's not my problem, is it?

Well, what would be
acceptable to you as collateral?

Anything I can turn
into instant cash,

just in case you
drive off with my car

and I never see you again.

You're causing
me a lot of trouble.

You should have
thought about that

out on the highway,
shouldn't you?

Mm-hmm.

All right. Wait here.
I'll be right back.

Is that real?

Of course it's real.

What do you think I am?

If you'd allow me.

Genuine.

It's working.

She's falling for it.

- Got the emerald for me?
- Just now.

Wow.

All right.

You've got me in a bind.

So, I'm gonna trust
you with something

that's worth about three times

what your car costs.

What is it?

Well, first you have to
promise me something.

You have to promise
that you will not

show this to anyone. Not
even your friend, over there.

You promise?

Maybe.

It's beautiful.

Where did you get this?

Ugh, I'm not
gonna tell you that.

You have to promise you
won't show it to anyone.

You swear?

You can count on me.

You were right.

She took it to the jewelry store

and gave it to the jeweler.

And she said we could trust her.

Eh, we can... to be
greedy and larcenist.

I'm beginning to have
more faith in this scheme.

Now, timing is critical
from this point on.

It's imperative she contact
you again, and quickly.

- She will.
- When she does, we must have
pinpoint coordination.

Rather like a military
campaign, actually.

Reminds me of the
Dutch-African business.

Must be the climate.

Cheers.

[All] Cheers.

Well, I got your message
you wanted to see me.

Why here?

I thought it would
be a nice place for us

to have a nice,
quiet, private little talk.

Okay.

Talk.

I got your emerald appraised.

Wh... what?

You swore!

You swore to me, the one
thing I asked you not to do...

I told you you could
count on me, and you can.

I didn't tell the
jeweler where I got it.

Did he ask?

Of course he asked.
He was very curious.

As a matter of
fact, he informed me

that emerald mining is
controlled in this country.

And he didn't think
that stone looked like

it came from a government mine.

Uh, you stupid woman.

You have ruined everything.

I haven't ruined anything.

I told him I got it in New York,

and he believed me.

I can be very convincing.

Now, all I have to do
is just convince you

to tell me where
you really got it.

A.J., maybe I haven't
mentioned it yet,

but I'm a very good
businesswoman.

And I smell a lot of
money to be made here.

A lot of money.

Am I right?

I think you're on
to an emerald mine.

And for some reason, you
don't want the government

to know where it is.

Not 'til I own it.

Maybe I could help.

[sighs]

I wish you could.

Some other time, some other
place, maybe... But not now.

Why not?

'Cause I'm buying
it, with Janet's money.

Well, Janet's Daddy's money.

Janet and I are
engaged to be married.

Do you love her?

All right.

How much money
are we talking about?

$400,000 in cash.

But when I sell it
to the government,

it'll be worth $2 million.

I want in on this.

But you can't.

Don't you understand?
If Janet gets jealous,

she'll go home to Daddy,
and then the whole deal's off.

Well, the way I see it, you
don't have a whole lot of choice.

As a matter of
fact, the way I see it,

I'm already kind
of a partner in this.

Because if I say anything
to El Presidente about you,

your deal is off.

Now, I don't intend
to say anything to him,

but I think I should get

something in return.

What?

Why don't we
talk about it later?

I can't be seen with you.

You'll arrange something.

You seem to be
very good at putting

Debbie from Dallas
on hold All right.

I'll buy you dinner, in my room.

But it has to be
early, say, 6:00.

What's the matter?
Something's gone wrong.

No, nothing's happened.
Everything's fine.

She's having dinner
in my room at 6.

I just don't like
this, very much.

I'm starting to enjoy
her... conversation.

Look, uh, if I could,
I'd take over for ya.

Buck up. Almost
over. There's the boy.

Now, dinner at 6.

How long do you
think it'll take you

to make her
sufficiently, shall we say,

compromised for Janet
to burst into the room?

Well, I don't really have
much of an appetite,

so I think 6:30
would be just fine.

Excellent, 6:30.

You'll be on the balcony
outside the bedroom.

When your brother
signals with his glass,

you relay the signal to Janet,

who will then enter the room,

see her fiancé in the
arms of another woman,

promptly pack her bags and
flee back home to Daddy in Texas.

Thereby, leaving the field
clear for Catherine Haley

to finance the
purchase of the mine.

I suggest we get started.

We have less than an hour.

Synchronize please.

Time?

Um, 5:10.

On the mark.

I gotta go get ready.

[knock at door]

[Man speaking Spanish]

All right.

Janet Fowler?

Yes, I'm Janet
Fowler? What is it?

[speaks Spanish] Under arrest.

Wait, wait.

What are you
talking about, arrest?

I am an American
citizen. You can't do this.

[cork pops]

To the right time and place.

Mmn. That's delicious.

Vintage champagne
is good for the soul.

[Woman] So is this.

Good news.

[laughter]

[speaks Spanish]

When my men informed
you you were under arrest,

I hope they mentioned it
was merely house arrest.

My house.

Come with me,
Señorita. Please come.

Light on the palette with
just a touch of impertinence.

- Here's to impertinence.
- Hmm.

[glass breaks]

[Catherine] A.J.

[whistles] Manuel.

[tires screech]

Ah, um... To even
more impertinence.

[laughs]

[glass breaks]

Delicious, I'm
stuffed. Wonderful.

I'm glad you liked it.

It was wonderful.

Service is wonderful.

Political prisoners.

Tell me, señorita,

was the dessert to your taste?

Yes, it was fine, thank you.

I can hardly wait to taste mine.

One moment, please.

So I can slip into
something more comfortable.

One moment.

Well, whatever makes you happy.

Oh, I hope so.

Finger bowl, Señorita?

No, thank you... Oh.

Manuel, what are you doing here?

Señor Rick is outside.

He asked if you, uh,
remember his friend Marlowe?

Marlowe is his dog, yes. Why?

He says when it gets hot
out, the bugs start to bite.

Marlowe can't sleep.

Señor Rick, he gives them these.

See, Marlowe's a very big dog.

Almost as big as El Presidente.

You slip him a couple of these,

give him a few hours to sleep,

then we come and get you out.

- No.
- No?

El Presidente said if I
really wanted to leave,

I could.

Now that I have these as
protection, why should I want to?

I kind of like it here.

I tell you what,
you tell Señor Rick

that if he needs me,
he can call me, okay?

Okay.

Manuel, thanks anyway.

Catherine?

Yeah, uh, yes... Sí.

Señorita Fowler.

Reminds me of an assault
we once made up the Khyber.

Bloody fighters, those Africans.

Get their teeth in
ya and never let go.

Good dogs, too.

Janet Fowler.

Sí, gracias.

Do you mind explaining to me
what happened to you last night?

Huh?

I gave you the signal.

I kept giving you the signal

until I ran out of glasses.

Catherine gave a few
signals of her own, I'm afraid.

El Presidente
had Janet arrested.

What?

Don't... Don't worry about it.

She's okay... Yeah?

Getting a massage?

Who, Janet?

All right, then let me
speak to El Presidente.

Still asleep, is he?

That's nice.

All right, thanks a lot.

You told Janet she was
coming down here for a vacation?

She's having one.

And did you have
a fun time last night.

You weren't out there
all night, were you?

Rick.

No, the only spectator
sport I enjoy is football.

And I nearly busted my neck
getting off of that balcony last night.

- It wasn't exactly
a picnic for me, either.
- Aw, jeez.

Gentlemen, this is hardly the
time for petty sibling bickering.

By arranging Janet's arrest,

Catherine has actually
done most of our work for us.

We're precisely at the point of
this game where we want to be.

And after last
night's, shall we say,

um, skillful establishment
of the beach head,

I believe the hound is
ready to corner the fox.

You're really something,
you know that?

I just found out that Janet is
no longer a guest at this hotel.

Well, you're not only
cute. You're smart.

Thanks to you, I'm
also probably dead.

Listen, Catherine,

I didn't tell you why I've
been keeping this mine

a secret from the government.

I am buying the mine
from the guerillas.

They need cash for weapons.

That is why I am
getting such a good price.

- From the guerillas?
- Yes.

One of them is coming
into town this morning

at 10:00. He wants
to see the cash.

Now, you have got to
get Janet out of the palace.

Immediately.

Enrique is risking his life
coming to this meeting.

If I don't have the money,
he will blow my head off.

Can you delay this
meeting till 10:30?

Sure, sure.

He'll be glad to torture
me for an extra half hour,

then blow my head off.

Honey, the banks
don't open until 10:00.

That's why I need till 10:30.

You have the money.

I mean, American dollars?

Why do you think I
wanted to be your partner?

You see, you don't need
Debbie from Dallas anymore.

Partner.

[knocking at door]

Is that you?

[Catherine] Yes.

Hey, whoa, no. Don't... Don't.

Nobody's gonna shoot.

Raúl come on.

Tell them I want to see the
deed and the uncut stones.

[A.J.] Sí.

It's all right. I
speak imperialist.

Okay, we go after the mine.

No.

First, I take the money
back to the bank.

Then we go out to the mine.

Okay.

This afternoon.

After lunch.

Gentlemen.

What was all that about?

Nothing, I, uh, just
changed my mind.

Why don't you get in?

I slept like a tree last night.

Good.

And you, my dear?

Like a tree.

By the way,

did we enjoy
ourselves last night?

Now, are you gonna tell me
that you don't remember that?

Yes, but not clearly.

It was wonderful.

Really?

Good.

What are you doing with a map?

Oh, I was looking up here at
the northern section of the country.

You know, I think that might be
a good place to go for a picnic.

- A picnic?
- Mn-hmm.

Very funny.

- Funny?
- Mn-hmm.

Of course, you haven't
heard the latest news

about the guerillas.

My aid just woke me
up to tell me all about it.

Traitors.

Traitors, moved into
the north, last night.

They have taken control
of all the territory here.

They control all the territory
next to Anador's border.

[phone rings]

- Yeah?
- Rick?

Ah, gee, Janet. Nice of
you to take the time to call.

Never mind that.
I gotta talk to you.

[Janet breaks up]

Janet?

Janet, I can barely hear you.

Real guerillas, hello?

Janet, I can't hear a
word you're saying.

Listen, I'll talk to
you later, sweetheart.

Okay, I gotta go. Bye-bye.

[whispering] Hello?

Rick, did you hear what I said?

Buenas tardes, señorita.

Straight out.

- Enrique?
- Stop the Jeep.

¡Venga aquí!

Oh, boy. We got problems.

Well, those are government troops.
Aren't you forgetting something?

I'm very good friends
with El Presidente.

Catherine, Enrique
is a guerilla leader.

He's known throughout the
country. They will shoot him on sight.

They will probably
shoot us on sight, too.

[speaking Spanish]

- Oh, boy.
- What are we going to do?

There's only one thing we can
do, and that's make a run for it.

Hang on and duck.

Watch out!

[gunfire]

Come on, man! Let's
go! We're losing them!

Now, take it easy. Don't
forget. Raúl's firing real bullets.

[gunfire]

[gunfire continues]

Oh, man!

- I said it was live ammo.
- Don't get so close.

Are we over the border yet?

I don't know. It isn't
marked. I can't be sure.

We got to be sure.
Let's keep going.

All right.

[gunfire]

[speaks Spanish]

[men shouting in Spanish]

Oh, no!

- Who are those guys?
- Those are the real guerillas.

[Man speaks Spanish]

I think we lost them.

Any idea where we are?

Yeah, we know where we are.

Uh, don't do that, Raúl.

[speaks Spanish]

No, no, no, no,
no. No, Catherine.

Come on.

I don't want you to do anything
that we both might regret later.

Like killing me.

They're right on time.

A.J., what's going on?

I'm sorry. This time
you've been set up.

Oh, you really are good.

There's no mine, is there?

And Debbie from Dallas?

Janet, San Diego.

You know, you've forgotten
one little thing, though.

All they're going to
do is just give me a ride

right back to the
president's house.

I've got a "Get Out
of Jail Free" card here.

We are still in Costa
Nueva, remember?

No.

Uh, well, it's not marked,

but we crossed the
border quite a ways back.

Welcome to Anador.

And they do have an extradition
treaty here with the United States.

[sirens wailing]

Wait a minute. Rick
should've been here by now.

- I'll go look.
- No.

[mutters]

[Rick shouts in Spanish]

[men whooping, whistling]

- Mmm!
- [gunshot]

- [men whooping]
- Yee-haw!

You son of a... A.J.!

How did it go, huh?

- It went fine.
- All right. Hey, Enrique!

These are some friends
of yours over here.

Don't be on the ground,
man. Come here.

Yee-haw!

[men cheering]

[laughing]

Oh!

Hey!

Gracias.

Mmm!

[coughs]

Gotcha!

Higgins.

You're back.

Why didn't you call me? I
could've picked you up at the airport.

We arrived quite
early this morning,

and I felt it wiser to
let sleeping dogs lie,

as it were.

[sighs]

I heard everything
went all right.

Yes. Catherine's
arraignment is this afternoon.

- Good.
- Rick and A.J. Simon
will also be there.

- Perhaps you could give them...
- They're here?

Of course. The prosecutor
subpoena'd them as witnesses.

Nice chaps, actually.

Higgins, I just changed
the linens yesterday.

Yes, I'm sure you did.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

The state provides
accommodation for its witnesses.

But a one-star hotel is hardly adequate
recompense for such stellar witnesses.

Especially when they're the
ones who saved your little stars.

- Hey, Magnum. How you doing?
- Hi.

- Hi, guys.
- Hello, Magnum. How's the shoulder?

Oh, it's fine.

Spare keys so you
can come and go freely.

- Terrific.
- Thank you.

Need any additional linens,
Magnum knows where everything is.

Oh, listen, I did take the liberty of
rearranging the stuff in your closet.

- We needed some more room.
- You never know how long these
court cases are gonna drag on.

That's true. Hey, remember that
embezzlement case in Fresno?

Ooh, boy. We were stuck
there for three months.

- Uh-huh.
- Can you imagine?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA