Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 1, Episode 1 - Details at Eleven - full transcript





RICK: It smells good.


Remember hi was a favor?

RICK: Oh, yeah,
right. Thank you.

Oh, forget the thanks.

That'll be $7.46.

Ah, right.

A, you got it?

Oh, just a sec.

Here, keep the change.


Not you. Get away from
there. You got your chew toy.


Here. Thanks.

You know, this reminds me

of all those nights
I used to spend

in the back seat of your
Pontiac at the drive-in.

What do you remember about
it? I used to pay you half a buck

to take a dive before the
second feature started.


what an education you missed.

Missed? Godzilla had
an easier time with Tokyo

than you did with
Roberta Travers.

You mean you were... Yeah.

Where do you think I learned
to sleep with my eyes open?



A.J.: Is he alone?

Yeah, as usual.

this guy is cheating on his wife,

he must be doing it
with the invisible woman.

(SIGHING) I hate
this kind of work.



Councilman, why don't
we adjourn to the study?

I want you to have one
of my Havana cigars.

Although I have to warn you,
they're an easy habit to acquire.

Well, I was never a man
to pass up a good cigar

or a bad habit.


Maria can take
care of that, darling.

I'll just take them into the kitchen
for you. Oh, let me help you.

No, no. It's all right, Mrs. Maddox.
You and Mama can go in the living room.

I'll be in in a minute.

Oh, Helena,

the Governor wants to know if you
and Wade can join all of us this weekend.

This is just the beginning.

You can expect the same
once a month from now on.

Then I'm not the first.

We have friends on the zoning
commission, county supervisors,

even one of our
esteemed judicial leaders

gets a box delivered to
his house once a month.

In a plain brown wrapper?



MAN: No, really?



Hey, you can't walk through
here. We're almost on the air.

Watch me.


WADE: That'll be enough
powder for today, Jim. Thank you.

The call wasn't a bluff?

No, it wasn't a bluff.

Those papers are gone. I'm going
to have to report this to my people.

No, no, no. Not
yet, for God's sake.

She's my stepdaughter.
Let me handle it.

Your stepdaughter could
go to the District Attorney

and have you
indicted for bribery.

Carolyn won't do anything
until she calls her mother.

Just keep your goons away
from her and she won't panic.

We don't enlist the
services of goons,

and we don't back losers.
We don't like mistakes.

Now, I want those papers back.

MAN: One minute, Mr. Christian.

I said I want those papers back,

or you won't be
reading the news.

You'll be the news.

MAN 1: This is the KSDC Evening
News, San Diego's favorite news

with Wade Christian and
Betty Spahn. MAN 2: Five,

four, three... Art
Landon with sports...

two... and Earl LeMasters
with the weather.

On the air.

Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen. I'm Wade Christian.

Tonight marks the
beginning of the last week

that you'll be seeing me
here on Channel Three.

This Friday, I file as a
candidate for city council

in the upcoming
general election.

Not that that's today's
top news story, Betty.

BETTY: I don't know
about that, Wade.

It seems like a pretty
important story to us.

And needless to say,
we are going to miss you.

Thank you. Needless to say,
I'm going to miss all of you.

Now, turning to the
international front...




A.J.: My wallet! Excuse me, I...

Somebody stole my wallet,

money and my credit cards

and everything in
my pocket, and...

Somebody stole my wallet.
I want to know where it is.



Well, what do you know?
It was there all along.

Well, that was just
an honest mistake.

It could happen to
anybody, you know.

Sorry, folks. Buenos dias.



at least she doesn't have to worry
about her husband seeing another woman.

Really? I hope you
got the photographs.

You better hope I got them.

I do hope you got them

I got them. I got them.

All four wheels still there?

All four hubcaps
are still there.

I hate this kind of work.


Thank you, amigo.


No, thank you. A.J., drop me off
at the boat on the way to the office.

A.J.: Sorry. Nope.

The case is closed.

Oh, no, it isn't.

Yes, it is.

Where were you born?

San Diego.

What are you bringing
back from Mexico?


A.J.: The case is not closed.

You know perfectly well
we've got to write a report,

we've got to meet with the
client, we've got to get paid.

RICK: Yeah, I know, but it's
Wednesday already. You can do it.

Look, Rick, the only reason I used to clean
up your room for you when we were kids

was 'cause you'd
beat me up if I didn't.

I beat you up even if you did.

Yeah, but you can't do that now.

Besides, we're supposed to be
adults. We're supposed to be partners.

And if we're partners, how come
you get paid more money than I do?

A.J.: 'Cause I work
more than you do.

RICK: Okay, so
what's the problem?

I got enough money for
the week. I'm punching out.

That's terrific
logic. Just terrific.

Hi, Janet.

Hey, since you're over here,
how about doing us a favor

and getting this film developed
just as soon as you can?

Also, would you call
Mrs. Porter... AJ...

and please tell her that she can
come by and pick up her report.

A.J., could you
wait just a minute?

There is a client in there.

For real? For real.

Well, great. That's
two this month.

I'm sorry you had to wait.
Won't you please sit down?

May I get you some coffee?

No, I don't wish
anything, thank you.

My name is Helena Christian.

My daughter's been missing for
three days, and I haven't heard from her

and I'm terribly worried.

I want you to find her for me.

Hi, Daddy.


Hey, I just want you to
know you make me mad.

I don't blame you.

I make me mad, too.

What were you doing last night?

I was working.

(SCOFFING) I'll bet.

I'm not working now.

I don't care.

I just came over here to tell you
I'm not coming over here again.



What? A.J.: We got another job.

I don't want another
job. You'll like this one.

No, I won't. It's a pretty girl.

A.J., I already got a little
bit of that trouble right here.

Missing three days.

Three days?

Wade Christian's daughter.

What, the newscaster's
wife? Uh-huh. Get an image?

Yeah... Hey!

Forget it. No,
Connie, wait just...

Hang on, AJ.
Connie, wait just a...

Did I call at a bad time?

What's wrong?


Just wait a couple of minutes
and let me get some clothes on.

And A.J., this better be good.

A.J.: Sorry to spoil
your afternoon.

Do you mind telling
me where we are?

The daughter's apartment.

RICK: Okay. A.J.: We've
got just one little problem.

RICK: What's that? A.J. Her
mother didn't happen to have a key.

RICK: Oh, great.

A.J.: Rick, will you please use a
credit card? We haven't got all day.

I am trying to concentrate here.

I want you to know that I get paid
extra for breaking and entering.

How you doing? Hi.

Look, will you please
use the damn credit card?

That her?

There's something
not right here.

This place has been searched

by somebody who
knew what he was doing.


Is this Carolyn Perry?

Not here.

I'm just a plumber.

I'm calling 555-8371?

Yeah, that's the number.

The lady's not here. You
want me to take a message?


Hung up.


Hey, it's Tolliver.

Mr. Fowler, I got the Carolyn
Perry apartment staked out

in La Jolla. MYRON: Yeah?

Looks like we got some
competition here, sir.

Rick and A.J.
Simon. On our case?

What the hell are
you talking about?

Are you sure?

A J.:"720.794 ♪

What are you doing?


A J.: "720.794 A.261 L.C."

RICK: Okay.

A.J.: Okay what?

She went somewhere on a trip.

Oh, yeah? How do you know that?

Well, there's no hair
dryer in her bathroom.

Ever know a girl who didn't
have a hair dryer in the bathroom?

Also, there's no suitcase, no
bathing suit, no tennis shoes.

She went to visit
somebody at the beach.



I believe you gentlemen
are under arrest.

You don't understand, Officer.

We are, in fact,

private investigators.

Hey, would you look at that?

You know, I've been meaning
to get my kid one of these.

Let's go.

I'm gonna call Janet
and get us out of here.

Got a cigarette?

No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke.

You got a dollar to
buy us some cigarettes?

You got a light?


I'll even smoke it for you.


Would you tell her to hurry?



So this is what it's like
to be a private detective.

Glamorous, exciting...



Thanks, sweetheart.
How did you get us out?

Actually, Daddy fixed it.

Your father did us a favor?

Not exactly a favor.

Get the hell out of my office!


What's with you guys, huh?

Come on, didn't I get
you out of jail last night?

Yeah, right after you had
us put in yesterday afternoon.

Well, what was I supposed to do?

One of my operatives
reported a crime in progress.

Now, you two guys
broke into that apartment.

You hear me? You broke in.

Now a good investigator

never has to resort
to criminal activities.

Hey, but what the
hell? I'll tell you what.

No hard feelings, okay?

Now, why don't you
get out of my chair?

RICK: No hard feelings, Myron,

but we were on a case, doing
our job, and you tried to shaft us.

Wait a minute. No,
you wait a minute.

One of your operatives saw us? What was
one of your operatives even doing there?

How am I supposed to know that?

I got a lot of clients.

I mean, I can't look after
everything all by myself.

It was probably a coincidence.

Coincidence? Hell, Myron, you
had that apartment staked out.

That's confidential information.

Myron, professional
courtesy suggests

that in a situation like this,

we pool our information.

No, it doesn't.

You talk to me about
professional courtesy?

I started you out in this
business. I trained you personally,

but what do you do?
You stab me in the back.

You take business away from me.

You corrupt my only daughter.


After what I'm paying to
put you through law school,

you got to hang around
with these two-bit con artists.

These two-bit con
artists take me seriously,

which is something
you've never done.

Sweetheart, they
take you seriously

because there's just one
thing they want from you.

Yeah, I know.

Aren't they cute?

You get your butt
out of my chair now!

You asking me to
throw you out? No.

I sure do wish
you'd try, though.

Myron, let's be practical here.

Professional courtesy suggests

that if you don't tell
us who this client is,

well, we may have to
start telling people about,

say, the Shepherd case.

Oh. Mmm-hmm.

Or the Seigler case.

Good one, yes.


That adultery case, what
was the name again? Singer.


Who were we working for
out in La Jolla yesterday?

Wade Christian, the newscaster.

But we aren't on it anymore.

I just found out that
he called in yesterday

and he fired us.

Fired us?


And he hired



Well, I don't want
to get you wet,

but I got to get my 40 laps in every
day. Keeps the old ticker in shape.

Well, you must be the
detectives Helena hired.

Well, yes, we're the detectives

that stumbled over the
detectives that you hired.

And fired after three days
when they did nothing.

Gentlemen, I apologize
for the trouble I caused you,

but you may be happy to
know I've been calling around.

I hear good things about you. A
lawyer friend of mine says you get results.

And our rates are lower.

That's not important to me.

Look, you find Carolyn.

Find her by, let's say, Friday,
there's a nice bonus in it for you.

You wouldn't happen to have
any idea why she would take off?

I don't know. Boy trouble?

Maybe an old boy trouble.
It's been at least two weeks

since the last time
she fell in love.

That's ridiculous, Wade.
There's something wrong.

Helena, we don't know that yet.

I think Mrs. Christian is right.

If Carolyn is in trouble, I don't
want you standing around here.

Get out, find her,
bring her home.

We'll find her.

One question.

If she doesn't want to
come home, what then?

Well, just have her call us.

Okay, but a phone
call will do it?


All right. Okay,
we'll get back to you.

Details at eleven.

Very funny. Remember,
Friday if you want the bonus.

A.J.: Of course, most of what we turn up
in a case like this is perfectly routine.

But you're sure it's
not another woman?

Absolutely, Mrs.
Porter. I guarantee it.

Now, some people prefer
not to see the pictures,

but I want you to
have your mind at ease.

We've documented just about everything
your husband does in a typical day.

In fact, I'm sure you're gonna
recognize a lot of these faces.

I know, it is an
invasion of privacy,

but you feel you have
a marriage at stake.

I don't need to see them.

You sure? I'm sure.
You keep them.


And I have a check for you.

Oh, great. Thank you very much.

But you are certain?

Mrs. Porter,

you are the only woman in
your husband's life, I promise.

Hey, we can finally
pay some bills.

RICK: Did you give her
the pictures? A No, I didn't.

Oh, you've got a
kind heart. I know.

Sometimes I wonder if
I'm really your brother.

RICK: Well, according
to Mom, you're not.

Oh, yeah, I'm here.

What is this? A book
you're interested in?

RICK: All right, now that's
a girls' dorm on campus?

A.J.: What? That's
a file number.

All right, can you give me the
complete name and address?

You know, a library book,
Dewey decimal system.

A.J., isn't that why
you wrote it down?

Well, as a matter
of fact, I didn't.

Carolyn Perry wrote
it down. I just copied it.

That's a book?

That's a book.

RICK: Oh, terrific.
Thanks a lot.



Lawyers spend a lot
of time at the library.

Don't they?

How'd you like to find the
book that goes with this number?

You got it.

Thank you. A.J., I think I
got a live one over here.

I've found one of her friends.

Hot damn.

Ball game on?

No, I was planning
to watch the news.

WADE ON TN.: Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen. I'm Wade Christian.

That guy couldn't tell the
truth if his life depended on it.

Credibility was the buzzword
in Washington today.




What the hell's the
matter with you?


Haven't you ever felt like throwing a glass
of tequila at a television set before?

No. I thought you came
down here to have a good time,

but you've been acting
like the police are after you.

Not the police.

Look, Chuy, I'm into
something way over my head.

Well, maybe I can
help you, querida.

No. You can't help.

This is something
I have to do myself.

Now it's done.

Oh, Chuy, I'm scared.

Hey, you guys, you can't
go in there after 7:00. Regs.

Oh, that's all right. We've
got a note from the Dean.

There's men in the hall!

Ladies, please.

No reason to panic.
We're not rapists.

Hell, we're not even students.

GIRL: Did somebody
invite these guys?

Hi. Shelly Major?

Who are you?

Private investigators.

Oh, come on. No, no,
seriously we are. Just...

GIRL: Men in the hall!

Show her your I.D. Can
we come in for a second?


Is this supposed to be real?

Yes, ma'am.

Um, you're a friend
of Carolyn Perry's.

Is something wrong?

Well, she's been missing for
four days. We're trying to find her.

Missing? Is she in trouble?

RICK: Well, we don't know. We
were kind of hoping you could tell us.

You have any idea why she might
run away or where she might go?

Uh-uh. Unless... Unless what?

Well, she went down to Ensenada
a couple of weekends ago.

I think she's got
a guy down there.

Do you know his name?


Do you think that
might be where she is?


I don't think she liked me.

Mister, you give me a dollar and
I polish your car for you real nice.

No, no, no, no, you'll
scratch the paint.

A.J., maybe you better
let me handle this.

Look, I thank you, that's very kind, but
I really don't want you to polish my car.

Okay? Hey, no problem.

You give me $2 and
I don't polish your car.

$2? Yeah, $2.

All right, you handle this.

Oye, muchacho. You want
to make a couple of bucks?

Sure. All right,
I'll tell you what.

We're looking for somebody down
here driving a yellow sports car,

California license, 1-5-6-P-C-E.

You find that car for
us, I'll give you $5.


What if I already
know where it is?

Great. Where?

That's going to cost you $20.


$15, man.

$12, and that's my
last offer, okay? $9.50.

Look, I'll give it to you for $11,
all right, and that's a big discount.

$10. Deal.

All right, take me to it.

It's right across the street,
right over there. You see it?

Right back there.
So long, tonto.


Well, since you
handled that so nicely,

we'll just take the $10
out of your salary, okay?

Just let me catch him!
Forget it. Let him go.

Besides, remember what
Dad always used to say. What?

"You can't run with
both feet in your mouth."

Come on, he never said that.

Well, if he didn't, he
certainly should have.

Do you know those guys?


Give me your keys. I'll take your car
somewhere and see if they follow me.

If they do, I'll lose them.

You wait for me at the
cantina later on, okay?

Okay, but be careful.

Al right.

Nice car. Where's
the girl that owns it?

Belongs to my brother.

Your brother Carolyn?


Who were those guys?

I don't know. But I think
we ought to ask Carolyn.

Easy. Let's not spook her. She can't go
anywhere. She doesn't have any wheels.

Who the hell were
those other guys?

SLATER: That's not her.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but it's her car.

He's got to know where she is.






Stay away.

Hey, come on, look. I
just wanna buy you a drink.

Look, I don't know what it is
you're afraid of, but we're not it.

You work for him, don't you?

For whom? Look, we
are private investigators.

Your mother hired us, asked
us to find out where you are

and make sure you're
all right. That's it.

Is that the truth?

Well, here you go.

Make the call
yourself. You find out.

I can't talk to her yet.

Can't you just tell her
you couldn't find me?


You wanna give us about six
good reasons why we should?

I can't even give you one.

What if I wrote you a note? You
could take it to her and tell her I'm okay.

Carolyn, your mother
doesn't want a note.

She wants to hear your voice.

You call her, I'll talk to her.

Al right.


Help me with him!


You know something? This stuff
works a lot better when you drink it.

Chuy, what happened?

Two guys, gringos,
they ran me off the road.

Listen, they were looking
for you and they had guns.

What did you tell them?

I told them they were
breaking my arm.

They damn near did.

Then I told them I was going to
meet Carolyn over at my house.

I guess I was yelling like
crazy because they believed me.

Your car, it got a
little smashed up.

That's all right, Chuy.
I don't care about that.

Yes, but the police did.

Did they find the registration?

Yes, that's why it took
me so long to get here.

They found your registration,
and they got your name.

What does that mean?

Look, in Mexico if you have an
accident, it's not like in the States.

Over here until you can
prove that you're innocent,

they assume that the
owner of the car is guilty.

And they don't let you
leave the country. What?


They told me they were going to tell
la migra. You try to cross the border,

United States Customs
will hold you there.


I know who those men are
and why they're after me.

I only wish I knew
which side you were on.

How about yours?

CAROLYN: The more I tell you
about this, the more danger you'll be in.

I hope you realize that.

RICK: Danger is our
business, sweetheart.

Wade Christian isn't what
he seems to be. He's a puppet.

And the men who pull
his strings are gangsters

from back east somewhere,

with a lot of money,
gambling money, I don't know.

He's been bribing people
in the city government.

A lot of people. I
don't know how many,

but I know that he's got at least
one person on the zoning commission

and on the city
council in his pocket.

Wade Christian is running
for city council. That's right.

They're running him for
office like a racehorse.

And when he's elected, they'll
have all the influence they need

to launder their dirty money into
real estate, or anything else they want.

And the good people of San Diego are
going to vote Wade Christian into office

because he's Mr. Wonderful on
the news and it makes me sick.

And I just wanted to
do something about it.

But I was really afraid of
what it would do to my mother.

No guts, huh?

You got plenty of guts, lady.

Rick, who is this guy
we're looking for, anyway?

He's a coyote, he's
a friend of mine.

He smuggles people
across the border.




You taking good care
of my car for me, eh?

My car.

One of these days you're
going to sell it to me.

Yeah, well, I
wouldn't count on it.


Any problems?

No, no, no. No
problems. No problems.

I'm going to take
you across the border.

Good man.

But the car is going
to have to stay here.

My car?

Hey, man, don't look so worried.

I'll take great care of it.

A.J., we've got a problem.
Yeah, you bet we do.

No, no, no, look, we're going
to have somebody stateside

waiting there to pick
us up when we get back.

Oh, no. Well, you're
going to have to do it.

Oh, come on, why do I have to
do it? Because she likes you better.

Oh, that's nonsense.
That is not nonsense.

She always has and she
always will. Come on, Rick,

you were paranoid when you
were 10, you're paranoid now.

A, get your butt in there!

Hi, Mom. Hi.

No, no. I'm down in Tijuana.


No, Mom. Of course not.

No... Mother...


Hope she likes chickens.





Good luck.

Thank you.

Just tell me when you
want your car back, okay?






If this was your idea,
getting me out at this hour...

What's that smell?

Hi, Mom.

Where's your brother?

Hi, Mom. Hi.

Mom. Hi.

This is Carolyn Perry.
Carolyn, this is my mother.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Simon.

Call me Cecilia,
dear. Oh, thank you.

This trouble you're in, is
either one of them responsible?


Then don't you worry. My
boys will take care of it for you.

Rick, take a bath and go to bed.

Look, Ma...

Mom, I don't live here
anymore, remember?

It won't hurt you to sleep
on clean sheets for a change,

or eat a decent breakfast
in the morning. Take a bath.

Yes, ma'am.

If you need anything,
I'm down the hall.

Oh, thank you very much.

Good night, Mom.

You all right?



CAROLYN: Dear Mother,

I wish I didn't have to
be the one to tell you this.

I wish I had the courage
to tell you face-to-face.

I know how much
Wade means to you.

But Mother, I can't let him
be elected to city council

when all he's doing is fronting
for criminals and gangsters.

I know you can't believe
all this is true, but it is.

I did something
tonight to prove it.

I stole papers
from Wade's office.

That's why I have
to go away and hide,

but I want you to
know, I'll be all right.

And as soon as Wade is
arrested, I'll come home.

I don't want you caught
up in the middle of this.

If you give the papers
to the District Attorney,

then there's no way anyone will
think you had anything to do with it.

They're in a book at
the university library.

I've written the number down for you. Just
open the book and you'll find everything.

I love you, Mother,
and I'm sorry.


It's busy.

Well, even if she hasn't
gotten the letter yet,

I think I'll tell her to
meet us at the library,

and I'll explain
it to her there.

The library?

Yeah, I hid the papers in a
book I was using for a report.

Hasn't been checked out in six
months, so I figured they'd be safe there.

Yeah, well, they
might have been, but...

Might have been?

Aren't these the papers
you were looking for?

A.J.: Janet.

Well, you asked me to
find the book, didn't you?


Christian residence.

Hello, Maria. This is
Carolyn. Is my mother there?

No, Miss Carolyn. She just left.

She said something
about going to the library.


I've been so worried about you.

And then I got your letter.

You should've have come to me,
darling. We could've talked about this.

I was afraid to. Oh, Mom,
it's been such a nightmare.

What's wrong?

Those men, they followed
me down to Mexico.

You told him.

Wade? Of course I called him.

I had to.

Oh, Mom...


HELENA: Darling, be sensible.

You didn't happen to
bring a gun, did you?

Who, me?

Where do you think you're going?

Buying our way
out of here, I hope.

Protect you? I was afraid of
what it would do to you, Mama!

There's been no
damage done. What?

We could forget
this ever happened.

You're wrong to think badly
of us. We're not criminals.

Things like this are done every
day in business and politics.

It's the way things are done.

But does that make it right?

Yes. I'm afraid it does.

Goodbye, Mother. Carolyn.

Let her go!

You have the papers yet?

We'll get them.
Don't you hurt her.

Nobody gets hurt.

She's yours as soon
as we have the papers.

Carolyn, it's over.

You know where the book is. Give
them the papers and then we can talk.

Oh, there's nothing
to talk about, Mother.

But there is. Please?

I'll show you where they are.



There's nothing in here!

Pardon me, is this where I'd find
the Pre-Socratic philosophers?


Let's go!

Let them go! No!

Stop the car, Carolyn!

Carolyn! Please.

Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen. I'm Wade Christian.

In the top of the news this
evening, local narcotics officials

have just announced the largest
drug bust in San Diego County history.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

Teams of officers...
Two years... I...

What is Wade doing?

Over $25 million in
heroin and cocaine...

Oh, my God.

one. Lose Wade and go to Betty.

I'm on Betty already.

Camera three, go to Betty!


Go graphic.

MAN 2: Are we still on the air?

MAN 1: Get the technical.


JANET: I'm not a lawyer yet,

but the way I read the law, your
mother wasn't really an accessory,

and she didn't
actually obstruct justice.

I don't think
she'll be indicted.

At least that's something.

I suppose I should
be with her tonight.

I don't want to.


Couldn't we go have some fun?

You got it. I know a great
little spot over in Coronado.

You got a date, lady?

Well, I do now.

Hey, before we go, could
you please call Enrique?

I already called him. He had
to go visit a cousin in Mexicali.

Cousin in Mexicali? In my car?

A, take it easy.
He's a great driver.

A Rick!

A.J., we had two cases this
week. I'll buy dinner, all right?

The food in this
place is really great.

Oh, great, I'm starving.

A, you got any cash on you?

I thought you
were buying dinner.

Well, yeah, but I just
thought of something.

Who's going to
pay us for this job?