Silicon Valley (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - Chief Operating Officer - full transcript
The COO of a world class company asks to move to Pied Piper. At the same time, Richard deals with a lawsuit from the smart fridge company that Gilfoil hacked to it fridge.
Something's
wrong with your "frunk".
It's all "frucked" up.
I've instituted an operation
to safeguard our interests.
Uh, Gavin Belson's office,
please.
You wanted me
to unite the teams?
They are united against me.
If I'm not inspirational enough
for you, then there's the door.
I'll approve you
as the soul beneficiary
and the official executor
of Mr. Bachman's estate.
This is my incubator now.
You can't just kick us out,
Jian-Yang.
Wait a second.
So, the guy who just
kicked me out of my house
now owns 10%
of my company?
Technically, he kicked you
out of his house.
And he inherited all
of Mr. Bachman's assets
including his 10%
of Pied Piper.
- By faking his death.
- Allegedly!
Look, Richie.
You didn't actually
lose anything here, okay?
Bachman is
the aggrieved party,
and if he is actually
still alive,
he'll get his 10% back
when he shows up.
In the meantime,
is it really any worse
if it belongs
to this Yang guy?
No, I guess not.
So what's your real beef
here then, huh, Richie?
You got something
against him?
You don't have, like,
a bias against Asians, do you?
Richard?
No, I don't.
No, I just don't like being
kicked out of my house.
By a...?
N-Nothing. By no one!
By any race!
Yeah, I'm hearing
something different.
You'd tell me
if you harbored
- nativist feelings, wouldn't you?
- Yes.
Dana?
Oh, hey.
Hey!
Dana, this is
Richard Hendricks.
He's the CEO
of Pied Piper.
And, Richard,
- this is Dana, CEO of Quiver.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I hear you guys are giving
Akami a run for their money.
Oh, yeah.
Dana and I kept
finding ourselves
on the same bathroom
schedule back at Hooli.
You know, men
and their cycles.
You know what?
You guys should
get a meal together.
Right? You're...
You're kindred spirits.
You're both CEOs.
You have a lot in common.
Sure, yeah. Maybe. Yep.
Well, Richard, you're free
tomorrow night.
But I'm not.
I have a big party
at my house.
A lot of people
I don't know.
So, see ya!
What was that?
I don't need you
to make friends for me.
Oh, I just think
you could benefit
from a friendship
with someone like Dana,
who's so much like yourself.
Like me?
You think that guy's like me?
I just thought of something.
Do you guys want
to come to my party?
Dana, that's
so gracious of you.
That would be delightful.
Okay, bye.
Mm-kay.
You don't see it?
It's uncanny.
*SILICON VALLEY*
Season 05 Episode 03
Episode Title : "Chief Operating Officer"
Look at this.
This is what they're asking
for a one-bedroom
apartment in Menlo Park.
Oh.
What?
Well, I can
comfortably afford
my new one-bedroom apartment.
You and I make
the same amount of money.
I'm just wondering,
what is the difference?
Could it be that
I didn't spend all my money
on an absurdly
over-priced electric car?
Gilfoyle!
So kind of you to join us.
You're welcome.
Yeah! Uh, well,
it's, uh, 2:00 PM.
So, fourth day in a row
you missed the stand-up meeting.
Correct.
Maybe you should
hold it later.
Okay, 'cause we
literally moved it
from 9:00 to 11:00
to accommodate you.
So do you mind telling us when you
feel like you can make it in?
Sure. Whenever
you hold the meeting,
- I'll be in an hour after that.
- Okay, well...
What the fuck was that?
Uh, that's the song
"You Suffer" by Napalm Death.
Oh, yeah? That's... that's a whole song?
That's like a second.
It's an alert.
Whenever the price of Bitcoin
dips below a certain value,
it's no longer
efficient to mine.
When it comes back up,
it is.
So, I need to know
when it breaks that threshold,
so that I can remotely
toggle my rig at home.
Okay. Any idea how often
that might happen?
Bitcoin is very volatile.
So...
That's just so loud.
A lot. Good. Alright, well...
maybe turn it down
or something?
Oh, fuck.
What's up? You guys working hard
or hardly working?
'Sup?
Hey, buds.
How's it going?
Man, these
Bay Area rents, huh?
High AF.
How's a guy supposed
to live by himself,
or lady, by herself?
Especially on an everyman
coder's salary, you feel me?
Are you offering us a cost
of living raise? Nope!
Not at all. Even better.
If one of you dudes
is strapped for cash,
do you a solid.
Move in, split the rent
"fiddy-fiddy."
Or, 40/ "siddy" depending on
square footage of bedrooms.
Come on! Think about it!
Jazzy Jeff!
Hold up!
Hey, uh, you got space
in your crib?
Um...
Yes, I-I have a room.
Hmm?
Fuck. Yeah.
Fuck yeah!
There he is!
Nice place.
Yeah.
That's what a billion-dollar
evaluation will get you.
Hey, what a great topic of
conversation for you and Dana.
- Dana!
- Oh, hey.
You're just standing there.
Like a cool cowboy.
Hey, yeah.
I-I really
like your place.
Yeah, me too.
Well, he liked it,
so he bought it.
Right? Just like you
and that hoodie.
So, Dana,
interesting story.
Uh, the reason Richard has
this bandage on his neck,
and that he's got
one on his hand,
is because he got so exhausted
during a code sprint,
that he walked through
a plate-glass window.
Now, I-I read on Pando
that you got injured also
early on at your company?
You should
tell Richard that story.
Right? Interesting topic
between CEOs.
If you want.
I mean, you don't have to.
Alright, I'm gonna
go mingle.
Go get 'em.
So, how did you
hurt yourself?
I tried to commit suicide.
Cool. Not...
You know, interesting.
Oh, wow! You cashed
another beer, you partier.
I haven't cut loose
in so long.
I'll probably get sloshed
off of one beer,
and start babbling.
That's, um...
Let's have a beer, right?
Let's celebrate!
New job!
New roomies!
New internet, right?
I said I'd get sloshed
off of one beer, crazy man.
Okay, um...
I'm gonna go to bed.
Good night.
No, no, no!
You know what? Hold on!
I'll have...
I'll have one beer!
I'm not saying I don't
like to party, Jeff.
You like vodka?
Let's have a vodka.
Yeah! Let's do vodka.
Okay!
Yeah.
That's so much of it.
That's a normal amount
right there.
Is it?
I like it.
It's really cool.
So, who painted it?
A machine.
It's actually the first
work of art
made by AI to be sold
at Sotheby's.
Sorry I'm late, Dana.
I got caught up.
Hey! Hey, wait a minute, you're...
you're Richard Hendricks.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry, I'm, uh,
Ben Burkhardt.
I'm... I'm Dana's COO.
Dana told me he invited you.
I'm so psyched you came!
Yeah. I got... I have so many
questions for you, man.
Do you want to grab a drink
or do you want to stay here?
- There. Yeah.
- Oh, great.
I mean, even way back when
I was finishing my PhD at MIT,
I would tell anyone
that would listen
that a decentralized system
was the obvious eventuality.
Yep. And now it's more
necessary than ever.
I mean, the stuff Google and
Facebook are getting away with.
It's insane. Totally.
Right?
That's why I've always said
that the user's data
should be in the hands
of consumers,
not the corporations.
100%, but see,
that can't happen,
until someone iterates
a functional alternative.
Which, I believe, Richard,
I believe you're about to do.
Well, I don't know.
Trying to, yeah.
Have you solved, uh, co-locating
data with the compute test?
How do you know about that?
Do you code?
I used to, man.
Uh, yeah, I loved it so much,
but, you know, I got drawn
over to the business side.
Richard!
There you are!
Hey. Jared Dunn.
Hi! Ben Burkhardt.
Hey, Dana.
So, it's 9:00 AM in Dubai.
I gotta make a call,
so, excuse me, guys.
Oh.
So, um, Dana
was just telling me
that he prefers
a late lunch, too.
Just like...
Is that right?
Kind of.
Well, I see a colleague.
I'll leave you guys
to... to chat.
Cool. Mm...
So, on the way out,
Dana told me
that he really loved
meeting you.
He said it went great!
Did you not think so?
Yeah, it's just...
he didn't really talk, though.
Yeah.
That's one of his quirks.
He's fun.
Hey, you know who I did
have a good conversation with?
- Who?
- His COO.
Who, Ben?
Yeah, um, do you know him?
Um, not well.
I hear he's a very
competent executive.
But apparently,
he left Oculus for Quiver
in kind of an
unprofessional manner.
Hmm, okay. Well, he
really loves Pied Piper.
Jared, come on!
This is your condo.
Sleep in your bed.
Don't be silly. Hey!
Uh, leave the lights on
as long as you want.
Uh, hey, Jared?
Yes?
Um...
Never mind.
Uh, see you tomorrow morning.
Sweet dreams.
Right, if only.
Did I tell you about
Gilfoyle's terrible song?
Yes. Yes, you did.
And I heard it.
I'm... I'm gonna go clean
the rice cooker, Dinesh.
You know what
the worst part is?
He's actually a decent coder.
He almost never fucks up.
Uh, wait, almost?
One time,
he royally fucked up,
but even then,
he ended up saving the day
with all his fridges.
Fridges?
Seppen Smart Fridges!
And you know what?
It was totally illegal.
Really? Illegal?
So, tell me about these fridges.
Jeff!
I can't tell you that.
It's a company secret.
Okay, um, let me get you
some more vodka, Dinesh.
Thank you guys for
seeing me on such short notice.
Well, it's an honor
to have you, Gavin.
Back there, we test our
compressor run capacitors.
But here is what I'm sure you'll
be most interested in seeing.
This is our smart fridge
development team.
To be honest,
we were a little nervous
about wading into the
Internet-enabled market.
Over the last 80 years,
we've built a real trust
with our customers.
Alright! Great tour!
Oh, there's a lot more to see.
Ugh. Why? Look.
I came here to offer you
a partnership
to cut down your server bills.
Oh!
Well, our server costs
were far higher
than we anticipated.
As we said,
we're not well versed in...
The 20th century?
Yeah, you mentioned that.
Do you want to save
a fortune or not?
Well, yes.
In exchange, I need you
to do something for me
with regard to the people
who hacked your refrigerators.
I'm going to destroy
their lives.
So, what? Ben: So...
- So, I turned to Bill Gates...
- Yeah?
Right, and I said...
"I don't know, Bill.
Maybe you should Google it."
You said that to Bill Gates?
I did! I swear.
Hey...
can I ask you, um...
Did you tell Dana
that we were having lunch?
Richard, I told you that Bill
Gates story for a reason.
I, um, I practice something
called "radical candor."
Which is no matter how
uncomfortable the truth is,
I'm gonna tell it to you.
And the honest truth is...
I did not tell Dana
about this lunch.
Things with Dana
have gotten stagnant.
But the other night...
talking to you, Richard, I...
I felt that spark again.
- What are you saying?
- Okay, well.
The first tenet
of rad-can, Richard,
is to just... is to just
say what you think,
and so I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna say what I think,
and, Richard, I think
we should work together.
Oh. You mean, like...?
Like, I could be your COO.
Um...
I don't know.
Maybe we shouldn't
be doing this.
Whoa, whoa, Richard.
We're just talking.
You see any numbers
written down here?
Do you see a Power Point?
No, we don't even
have a laptop.
Exactly! 'Cause we're not doing
anything wrong. Oh, shit!
- Party of one.
- Sh... Shit.
I looked at his calendar
and it said he had a meeting.
Okay, Richard, I'm gonna
continue being honest with you
and tell you that I have to
leave now through the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Okay, please don't tell anyone
- about this.
- Okay.
What? Hey!
Hey, Dana! What the heck?
Dana, right?
Oh, hi.
I'm just... Are you
having lunch alone?
I am!
I'm totally alone.
Uh, in fact...
do you want to, uh,
join me at my table for one?
Oh, okay.
Sure.
Come on over.
One beef pot pie. One
beef pot pie, no carrots.
Yep. Here.
Put 'em here.
I love beef pot pie.
And only kind of
like carrots.
Oh, fuck!
Gilfoyle, goddammit.
Could you please stop that fucking noise?
I'm serious.
How will I know
when to remote toggle my rig?
Easy, you won't,
and neither will any of us,
because you won't
remote toggle anything!
No more remote toggling!
Got it?
- Just...
- Hey.
Hey! How was lunch,
you little minx?
What?
Yeah, you thought
I wouldn't find out.
I was, uh, texting with Dana.
Just checking in.
And he mentioned
- that you two met up.
- Oh, yeah!
Yeah! Just, just
briefly for... yeah.
Yeah! I-I-I knew you two
would hit it off.
You know, Dana did mention
that he thought
you might be bulimic.
Okay.
Great, um...
Jared, do you think
it's time we hire a COO?
Oh!
Did Dana suggest
we hire someone like Ben?
Yeah. Yeah, like Ben.
You see, if you didn't
have lunch with Dana,
this never would've come up.
I'll put together a list.
Great.
Um...
Richard, you should see this.
What the fuck?
Seppen is suing us
for $10 million in damages.
The complaint
specifically cites,
"sullying their smart fridges
with mime-simulated fellatio."
"Our customers invite us
into their homes.
"The kitchen is
the modern hearth.
We cannot have that trust
violated." Is that a typo?
Do they mean "heart"?
How did Seppen
find out it was us?
I don't know.
You tell us, Gilfoyle.
You said you pulled
all our code and bleached it.
Maybe you missed something.
No.
No way.
They have no proof it was us.
Ignore them.
Ignore them? What the fuck
kind of solution is that?
No. "Hearth."
It's a word. Huh!
We don't need to solve anything.
They have nothing.
Well, I'm pretty sure
they have something, Gilfoyle.
So you fucked up somewhere!
I didn't fuck up.
Well, guys, I'm sure there's
something we can do here.
Uh, just give me a second.
Hey, sorry!
I-I can't talk right now.
Can we meet up?
Um, my place. Midnight.
Okay, I gotta go.
Okay.
Okay, so wait.
You're telling me
this Gilfoyle guy
first hacked into the fridges
as a prank?
Without your knowledge?
Uh, yeah.
Well, there you go, Richard!
If you didn't authorize it, then
he's acting as a rogue agent.
You tell Seppen that
and Pied Piper's off scot-free.
Yeah, but what would
happen to Gilfoyle?
I don't know. There'd be
criminal and civil charges
he'd have to deal
with on his own.
Oh, Jesus!
I don't know.
Sounds kinda brutal.
In the end, being on
those fridges saved us.
Richard, I-I told you
about radical candor, yeah?
Well, what I'm getting
from you now,
is the opposite of that.
It's actually something
we call "ruinous empathy."
You want to destroy
your entire company
just to keep one
bad actor happy?
That's not fair
to you, Richard!
Oh, come on. Gilfoyle
will never be happy.
This is exactly
the kinda thing
I could help you with
if you hired me.
Hey, any news?
Oh, goddammit. Why is that thing
still fucking doing that?
I guess Gilfoyle
forgot to turn it off.
It's been doing
that all morning.
I don't have his password.
Bitcoin is really
volatile today.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, where is he?
Well, it's 10:00 AM,
so not here.
Okay, you know what?
Fuck Gilfoyle.
Fuck him right to hell.
I've been saying that
for years.
Where's Jared?
Richard, are you serious?
Yes.
Well, I concede that laying
it all at Gilfoyle's feet
might get us out
of the Seppen lawsuit, but...
I mean, you'd really throw
him to the wolves like that?
That doesn't sound like you.
Well, maybe
I'm just becoming
a little less
ruinously empathetic.
Have you been
seeing a therapist?
No.
But...
I have been seeing Ben.
Ben Burkhardt.
Oh, Richard, no.
He's Dana's COO. You're...
You're jeopardizing your
entire friendship with Dana.
What friendship with Dana?
Who could be friends
with that guy?
I got news for you, Jared.
Dana sucks, man!
Richard!
I mean, he is a dog.
How did he even found
his own company?
Is he even smart?
Okay, that's unfair.
Look, this is your company.
And you can work with
whomever you want.
But I need you
to think long and hard
about what you're
proposing to do to Gilfoyle.
We're talking about
criminal charges here.
He could be deported.
There has to be
another option.
Well, no offense, Jared,
but Ben says there isn't.
Okay? And he is
a world-class COO
that has brought multiple
companies to a billion dollars.
And you're just
a biz dev guy.
I'm... I'm sorry. I...
I just think that
in this particular situation,
Ben might know
a little better.
Okay.
You're the boss.
You know,
but I will say this.
If you're really going
to start working with Ben,
at least give Dana
the common courtesy
of telling him the truth
about what you guys are doing.
Because if you
don't tell him...
you're the dog.
Thanks for, uh,
having me over.
Of course. So, it's gonna
be a bit weird at first.
Then it's gonna be okay.
What?
Hi, this is Jared Dunn.
Um, sorry, I don't
recognize this number.
Jared? Come here now.
Jian-Yang?
So... Ben told me everything.
Oh!
Uh...
Well...
Radical candor,
I guess, right?
Yeah, he told me how
you kept texting him non-stop.
And he kept refusing,
but you were relentless.
What?
- Uh, no!
- Richard, it's... It's immaterial.
The point is,
Dana knows everything now.
However it came to that,
it's just words in the winds.
"Words in the winds"?
Yeah.
Well, Richard, looks like
you got what you wanted.
You're both adults.
You can work together
if you want.
I just wish you'd demonstrated
the measure of spirit
to discuss this
with me to my face.
But...
guess there's no honor
among thieves, hmm?
Well...
good luck, gentlemen.
You deserve each other.
Dana.
Wow.
You know, I've never
really seen him like that.
He's so assertive.
Uh, articulate.
Yeah, he's had a head cold
the last couple weeks.
Been pretty low energy.
Really?
Yep!
Oh!
So, I guess...
You and me, huh, Richard?
Together, at last.
Yeah.
Dana rides a motorcycle?
Yep.
Cool.
So, uh, what
exactly did you...
The witch lost his mind.
Gilfoyle, you smoke?
I kept mulling
that Seppen shit.
I didn't leave a bit
of my code on that fridge.
No remnants, nothing,
so how do they know?
Then I realized...
they're listening to us.
They've been listening to us
this whole fucking time.
Right.
All these devices
are listening to us!
Okay, um...
Gilfoyle, I-I think
you need some rest.
Not yet.
I checked their firmware
and their logs.
The fridge is set
to record constantly
streaming everything
back to the cloud.
They must have gone
through those audio logs,
and listened
to our conversations.
Wait, even if they
aren't listening to us,
just the fact that
they could be is interesting.
Shit.
They make smoke detectors.
I think there's one
in the kitchen.
Those fuckers are listening.
Jian-Yang, are...
Are you copying
all those companies for the
Chinese markets?
Oh, no.
Fuck you, Seppen.
Hey! Where have you been?
Um, I stayed at
Big Head's last night.
Yeah. Oh, God, I've been
calling all night.
Yeah. I just didn't feel like
getting reprimanded.
I-I thought maybe
you were locked
in another Starbucks
bathroom overnight.
One time, Jared.
One time.
Okay, you're just gonna have
to catch up on the fly, then.
On the fly, what?
Richard Hendricks,
- this is Tom and Viola from Seppen.
- How do you do?
Oh, hi.
Alright, uh,
we won't take up
any more of your time.
Richard has called you
in today, because...
of this.
Um, this is Seppen's Smart
Fridge Terms of Service,
where you specifically state
that only refrigerator
command-related user data
will be uploaded
to your cloud's service.
That's correct.
We believe that the refrigerator
is the hearth of the modern...
Stop talking.
We know your refrigerators
are streaming
all recorded audio
to the cloud.
Every single conversation.
Which is tantamount
to illegal wiretapping.
You thought a mime
performing fellatio was bad?
What happens when
your customers find out
that every single thing
they've ever said
in front of their "hearth"
has been recorded?
Oh, shit.
We never listen
to any recordings.
Look, we never wanted to get into
this tech stuff in the first place,
but our marketing
department insisted.
Between us...
Gavin Belson was the one
that pushed us to sue you.
Is there something
we can do here?
This is a deal memo
stating that Pied Piper
will fix your security issue,
and update your system
to Pied Piper's stack
in the future
which will lower
your server costs
and improve the security
of your fridges.
In exchange,
you drop the suit.
Uh, Richard?
Did I state that correctly?
Is that our offer?
Uh-huh. Yep.
I'd also like to tell you
I have a Seppen bread machine,
and I have never been
happier with an appliance.
- Pleasure.
- Thank you so much.
Hey.
I'm so sorry if
I overstepped my bounds.
It's just time
was of the essence.
- Are you kidding me?
- Jared, you saved us.
And you did it without
having to fuck Gilfoyle over.
- Thanks!
- Yeah, um...
We should talk about
what they said about Gavin.
Hello, Pied Piper!
Nice gender mix.
Could use a little
more color.
Baby steps, right?
Where do you want me?
- What are you doing here?
- What are you talking about?
Well, I-I said I'd call you.
I didn't say I was hiring you.
Richard...
I-I left Dana for you.
I know. Ha!
I'm aware.
But...
let me try a little
radical candor.
Um, cheating on your CEO
and then blaming it all on me
is not really the kind of
behavior I like to reward.
Nor is pushing me
to put my friend in jail.
- Okay.
- You want candor, Richard?
You are objectively
making a huge mistake.
I'm a world-class COO, okay?
And your heavy metal friend?
I mean, he's obviously a dick.
And you know...
You know what else, Richard?
You're 20 to 30 pounds
underweight.
It's gross.
Who was that?
He seemed smart!
Hey, Richard?
I'm at least
45 pounds underweight.
Okay, and don't
worry about him.
We're gonna find you
a much better COO.
I think we already have.
You want the job?
Jared, uh...
Alright, okay.
- I'm okay.
- I know, just take it...
Everyone can see you.
- Oh my God.
- Yeah, let's have a seat.
- Just think about it.
- I'm okay!
Yeah, let's...
Do you want some water?
Just breathe, just breathe.
Seppen said that Gavin was
pushing them to sue us, right?
Uh, yeah, but that
shouldn't be a surprise.
But Seppen had no idea
that we broke in.
How the fuck did Gavin know?
Right!
W-W-What? Are you
suggesting that...
someone in here is leaking
info to Gavin Belson?
I am.
We have a mole on our hands.
What the fuck is going on
over there?
Um, yeah, bad news.
Seppen just left, and... and it
looks like they're gonna settle.
Hey! Dude.
We have a mole!
♪♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪♪
♪♪
You remember K-Hole
James...
- Of course!
- K-Hole is
euphoric about speaking to you
regarding a deal.
That would put us months ahead.
Whatever
you are doing, stop it now.
This is not a done deal.
Any word from our mole
at Pied Piper?
We found the mole.
How did the mole
get all this information?
By exploiting
our most glaring weakness.
♪ You were working
As a waitress ♪
♪ In a cocktail bar ♪
♪♪
wrong with your "frunk".
It's all "frucked" up.
I've instituted an operation
to safeguard our interests.
Uh, Gavin Belson's office,
please.
You wanted me
to unite the teams?
They are united against me.
If I'm not inspirational enough
for you, then there's the door.
I'll approve you
as the soul beneficiary
and the official executor
of Mr. Bachman's estate.
This is my incubator now.
You can't just kick us out,
Jian-Yang.
Wait a second.
So, the guy who just
kicked me out of my house
now owns 10%
of my company?
Technically, he kicked you
out of his house.
And he inherited all
of Mr. Bachman's assets
including his 10%
of Pied Piper.
- By faking his death.
- Allegedly!
Look, Richie.
You didn't actually
lose anything here, okay?
Bachman is
the aggrieved party,
and if he is actually
still alive,
he'll get his 10% back
when he shows up.
In the meantime,
is it really any worse
if it belongs
to this Yang guy?
No, I guess not.
So what's your real beef
here then, huh, Richie?
You got something
against him?
You don't have, like,
a bias against Asians, do you?
Richard?
No, I don't.
No, I just don't like being
kicked out of my house.
By a...?
N-Nothing. By no one!
By any race!
Yeah, I'm hearing
something different.
You'd tell me
if you harbored
- nativist feelings, wouldn't you?
- Yes.
Dana?
Oh, hey.
Hey!
Dana, this is
Richard Hendricks.
He's the CEO
of Pied Piper.
And, Richard,
- this is Dana, CEO of Quiver.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I hear you guys are giving
Akami a run for their money.
Oh, yeah.
Dana and I kept
finding ourselves
on the same bathroom
schedule back at Hooli.
You know, men
and their cycles.
You know what?
You guys should
get a meal together.
Right? You're...
You're kindred spirits.
You're both CEOs.
You have a lot in common.
Sure, yeah. Maybe. Yep.
Well, Richard, you're free
tomorrow night.
But I'm not.
I have a big party
at my house.
A lot of people
I don't know.
So, see ya!
What was that?
I don't need you
to make friends for me.
Oh, I just think
you could benefit
from a friendship
with someone like Dana,
who's so much like yourself.
Like me?
You think that guy's like me?
I just thought of something.
Do you guys want
to come to my party?
Dana, that's
so gracious of you.
That would be delightful.
Okay, bye.
Mm-kay.
You don't see it?
It's uncanny.
*SILICON VALLEY*
Season 05 Episode 03
Episode Title : "Chief Operating Officer"
Look at this.
This is what they're asking
for a one-bedroom
apartment in Menlo Park.
Oh.
What?
Well, I can
comfortably afford
my new one-bedroom apartment.
You and I make
the same amount of money.
I'm just wondering,
what is the difference?
Could it be that
I didn't spend all my money
on an absurdly
over-priced electric car?
Gilfoyle!
So kind of you to join us.
You're welcome.
Yeah! Uh, well,
it's, uh, 2:00 PM.
So, fourth day in a row
you missed the stand-up meeting.
Correct.
Maybe you should
hold it later.
Okay, 'cause we
literally moved it
from 9:00 to 11:00
to accommodate you.
So do you mind telling us when you
feel like you can make it in?
Sure. Whenever
you hold the meeting,
- I'll be in an hour after that.
- Okay, well...
What the fuck was that?
Uh, that's the song
"You Suffer" by Napalm Death.
Oh, yeah? That's... that's a whole song?
That's like a second.
It's an alert.
Whenever the price of Bitcoin
dips below a certain value,
it's no longer
efficient to mine.
When it comes back up,
it is.
So, I need to know
when it breaks that threshold,
so that I can remotely
toggle my rig at home.
Okay. Any idea how often
that might happen?
Bitcoin is very volatile.
So...
That's just so loud.
A lot. Good. Alright, well...
maybe turn it down
or something?
Oh, fuck.
What's up? You guys working hard
or hardly working?
'Sup?
Hey, buds.
How's it going?
Man, these
Bay Area rents, huh?
High AF.
How's a guy supposed
to live by himself,
or lady, by herself?
Especially on an everyman
coder's salary, you feel me?
Are you offering us a cost
of living raise? Nope!
Not at all. Even better.
If one of you dudes
is strapped for cash,
do you a solid.
Move in, split the rent
"fiddy-fiddy."
Or, 40/ "siddy" depending on
square footage of bedrooms.
Come on! Think about it!
Jazzy Jeff!
Hold up!
Hey, uh, you got space
in your crib?
Um...
Yes, I-I have a room.
Hmm?
Fuck. Yeah.
Fuck yeah!
There he is!
Nice place.
Yeah.
That's what a billion-dollar
evaluation will get you.
Hey, what a great topic of
conversation for you and Dana.
- Dana!
- Oh, hey.
You're just standing there.
Like a cool cowboy.
Hey, yeah.
I-I really
like your place.
Yeah, me too.
Well, he liked it,
so he bought it.
Right? Just like you
and that hoodie.
So, Dana,
interesting story.
Uh, the reason Richard has
this bandage on his neck,
and that he's got
one on his hand,
is because he got so exhausted
during a code sprint,
that he walked through
a plate-glass window.
Now, I-I read on Pando
that you got injured also
early on at your company?
You should
tell Richard that story.
Right? Interesting topic
between CEOs.
If you want.
I mean, you don't have to.
Alright, I'm gonna
go mingle.
Go get 'em.
So, how did you
hurt yourself?
I tried to commit suicide.
Cool. Not...
You know, interesting.
Oh, wow! You cashed
another beer, you partier.
I haven't cut loose
in so long.
I'll probably get sloshed
off of one beer,
and start babbling.
That's, um...
Let's have a beer, right?
Let's celebrate!
New job!
New roomies!
New internet, right?
I said I'd get sloshed
off of one beer, crazy man.
Okay, um...
I'm gonna go to bed.
Good night.
No, no, no!
You know what? Hold on!
I'll have...
I'll have one beer!
I'm not saying I don't
like to party, Jeff.
You like vodka?
Let's have a vodka.
Yeah! Let's do vodka.
Okay!
Yeah.
That's so much of it.
That's a normal amount
right there.
Is it?
I like it.
It's really cool.
So, who painted it?
A machine.
It's actually the first
work of art
made by AI to be sold
at Sotheby's.
Sorry I'm late, Dana.
I got caught up.
Hey! Hey, wait a minute, you're...
you're Richard Hendricks.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry, I'm, uh,
Ben Burkhardt.
I'm... I'm Dana's COO.
Dana told me he invited you.
I'm so psyched you came!
Yeah. I got... I have so many
questions for you, man.
Do you want to grab a drink
or do you want to stay here?
- There. Yeah.
- Oh, great.
I mean, even way back when
I was finishing my PhD at MIT,
I would tell anyone
that would listen
that a decentralized system
was the obvious eventuality.
Yep. And now it's more
necessary than ever.
I mean, the stuff Google and
Facebook are getting away with.
It's insane. Totally.
Right?
That's why I've always said
that the user's data
should be in the hands
of consumers,
not the corporations.
100%, but see,
that can't happen,
until someone iterates
a functional alternative.
Which, I believe, Richard,
I believe you're about to do.
Well, I don't know.
Trying to, yeah.
Have you solved, uh, co-locating
data with the compute test?
How do you know about that?
Do you code?
I used to, man.
Uh, yeah, I loved it so much,
but, you know, I got drawn
over to the business side.
Richard!
There you are!
Hey. Jared Dunn.
Hi! Ben Burkhardt.
Hey, Dana.
So, it's 9:00 AM in Dubai.
I gotta make a call,
so, excuse me, guys.
Oh.
So, um, Dana
was just telling me
that he prefers
a late lunch, too.
Just like...
Is that right?
Kind of.
Well, I see a colleague.
I'll leave you guys
to... to chat.
Cool. Mm...
So, on the way out,
Dana told me
that he really loved
meeting you.
He said it went great!
Did you not think so?
Yeah, it's just...
he didn't really talk, though.
Yeah.
That's one of his quirks.
He's fun.
Hey, you know who I did
have a good conversation with?
- Who?
- His COO.
Who, Ben?
Yeah, um, do you know him?
Um, not well.
I hear he's a very
competent executive.
But apparently,
he left Oculus for Quiver
in kind of an
unprofessional manner.
Hmm, okay. Well, he
really loves Pied Piper.
Jared, come on!
This is your condo.
Sleep in your bed.
Don't be silly. Hey!
Uh, leave the lights on
as long as you want.
Uh, hey, Jared?
Yes?
Um...
Never mind.
Uh, see you tomorrow morning.
Sweet dreams.
Right, if only.
Did I tell you about
Gilfoyle's terrible song?
Yes. Yes, you did.
And I heard it.
I'm... I'm gonna go clean
the rice cooker, Dinesh.
You know what
the worst part is?
He's actually a decent coder.
He almost never fucks up.
Uh, wait, almost?
One time,
he royally fucked up,
but even then,
he ended up saving the day
with all his fridges.
Fridges?
Seppen Smart Fridges!
And you know what?
It was totally illegal.
Really? Illegal?
So, tell me about these fridges.
Jeff!
I can't tell you that.
It's a company secret.
Okay, um, let me get you
some more vodka, Dinesh.
Thank you guys for
seeing me on such short notice.
Well, it's an honor
to have you, Gavin.
Back there, we test our
compressor run capacitors.
But here is what I'm sure you'll
be most interested in seeing.
This is our smart fridge
development team.
To be honest,
we were a little nervous
about wading into the
Internet-enabled market.
Over the last 80 years,
we've built a real trust
with our customers.
Alright! Great tour!
Oh, there's a lot more to see.
Ugh. Why? Look.
I came here to offer you
a partnership
to cut down your server bills.
Oh!
Well, our server costs
were far higher
than we anticipated.
As we said,
we're not well versed in...
The 20th century?
Yeah, you mentioned that.
Do you want to save
a fortune or not?
Well, yes.
In exchange, I need you
to do something for me
with regard to the people
who hacked your refrigerators.
I'm going to destroy
their lives.
So, what? Ben: So...
- So, I turned to Bill Gates...
- Yeah?
Right, and I said...
"I don't know, Bill.
Maybe you should Google it."
You said that to Bill Gates?
I did! I swear.
Hey...
can I ask you, um...
Did you tell Dana
that we were having lunch?
Richard, I told you that Bill
Gates story for a reason.
I, um, I practice something
called "radical candor."
Which is no matter how
uncomfortable the truth is,
I'm gonna tell it to you.
And the honest truth is...
I did not tell Dana
about this lunch.
Things with Dana
have gotten stagnant.
But the other night...
talking to you, Richard, I...
I felt that spark again.
- What are you saying?
- Okay, well.
The first tenet
of rad-can, Richard,
is to just... is to just
say what you think,
and so I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna say what I think,
and, Richard, I think
we should work together.
Oh. You mean, like...?
Like, I could be your COO.
Um...
I don't know.
Maybe we shouldn't
be doing this.
Whoa, whoa, Richard.
We're just talking.
You see any numbers
written down here?
Do you see a Power Point?
No, we don't even
have a laptop.
Exactly! 'Cause we're not doing
anything wrong. Oh, shit!
- Party of one.
- Sh... Shit.
I looked at his calendar
and it said he had a meeting.
Okay, Richard, I'm gonna
continue being honest with you
and tell you that I have to
leave now through the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Okay, please don't tell anyone
- about this.
- Okay.
What? Hey!
Hey, Dana! What the heck?
Dana, right?
Oh, hi.
I'm just... Are you
having lunch alone?
I am!
I'm totally alone.
Uh, in fact...
do you want to, uh,
join me at my table for one?
Oh, okay.
Sure.
Come on over.
One beef pot pie. One
beef pot pie, no carrots.
Yep. Here.
Put 'em here.
I love beef pot pie.
And only kind of
like carrots.
Oh, fuck!
Gilfoyle, goddammit.
Could you please stop that fucking noise?
I'm serious.
How will I know
when to remote toggle my rig?
Easy, you won't,
and neither will any of us,
because you won't
remote toggle anything!
No more remote toggling!
Got it?
- Just...
- Hey.
Hey! How was lunch,
you little minx?
What?
Yeah, you thought
I wouldn't find out.
I was, uh, texting with Dana.
Just checking in.
And he mentioned
- that you two met up.
- Oh, yeah!
Yeah! Just, just
briefly for... yeah.
Yeah! I-I-I knew you two
would hit it off.
You know, Dana did mention
that he thought
you might be bulimic.
Okay.
Great, um...
Jared, do you think
it's time we hire a COO?
Oh!
Did Dana suggest
we hire someone like Ben?
Yeah. Yeah, like Ben.
You see, if you didn't
have lunch with Dana,
this never would've come up.
I'll put together a list.
Great.
Um...
Richard, you should see this.
What the fuck?
Seppen is suing us
for $10 million in damages.
The complaint
specifically cites,
"sullying their smart fridges
with mime-simulated fellatio."
"Our customers invite us
into their homes.
"The kitchen is
the modern hearth.
We cannot have that trust
violated." Is that a typo?
Do they mean "heart"?
How did Seppen
find out it was us?
I don't know.
You tell us, Gilfoyle.
You said you pulled
all our code and bleached it.
Maybe you missed something.
No.
No way.
They have no proof it was us.
Ignore them.
Ignore them? What the fuck
kind of solution is that?
No. "Hearth."
It's a word. Huh!
We don't need to solve anything.
They have nothing.
Well, I'm pretty sure
they have something, Gilfoyle.
So you fucked up somewhere!
I didn't fuck up.
Well, guys, I'm sure there's
something we can do here.
Uh, just give me a second.
Hey, sorry!
I-I can't talk right now.
Can we meet up?
Um, my place. Midnight.
Okay, I gotta go.
Okay.
Okay, so wait.
You're telling me
this Gilfoyle guy
first hacked into the fridges
as a prank?
Without your knowledge?
Uh, yeah.
Well, there you go, Richard!
If you didn't authorize it, then
he's acting as a rogue agent.
You tell Seppen that
and Pied Piper's off scot-free.
Yeah, but what would
happen to Gilfoyle?
I don't know. There'd be
criminal and civil charges
he'd have to deal
with on his own.
Oh, Jesus!
I don't know.
Sounds kinda brutal.
In the end, being on
those fridges saved us.
Richard, I-I told you
about radical candor, yeah?
Well, what I'm getting
from you now,
is the opposite of that.
It's actually something
we call "ruinous empathy."
You want to destroy
your entire company
just to keep one
bad actor happy?
That's not fair
to you, Richard!
Oh, come on. Gilfoyle
will never be happy.
This is exactly
the kinda thing
I could help you with
if you hired me.
Hey, any news?
Oh, goddammit. Why is that thing
still fucking doing that?
I guess Gilfoyle
forgot to turn it off.
It's been doing
that all morning.
I don't have his password.
Bitcoin is really
volatile today.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, where is he?
Well, it's 10:00 AM,
so not here.
Okay, you know what?
Fuck Gilfoyle.
Fuck him right to hell.
I've been saying that
for years.
Where's Jared?
Richard, are you serious?
Yes.
Well, I concede that laying
it all at Gilfoyle's feet
might get us out
of the Seppen lawsuit, but...
I mean, you'd really throw
him to the wolves like that?
That doesn't sound like you.
Well, maybe
I'm just becoming
a little less
ruinously empathetic.
Have you been
seeing a therapist?
No.
But...
I have been seeing Ben.
Ben Burkhardt.
Oh, Richard, no.
He's Dana's COO. You're...
You're jeopardizing your
entire friendship with Dana.
What friendship with Dana?
Who could be friends
with that guy?
I got news for you, Jared.
Dana sucks, man!
Richard!
I mean, he is a dog.
How did he even found
his own company?
Is he even smart?
Okay, that's unfair.
Look, this is your company.
And you can work with
whomever you want.
But I need you
to think long and hard
about what you're
proposing to do to Gilfoyle.
We're talking about
criminal charges here.
He could be deported.
There has to be
another option.
Well, no offense, Jared,
but Ben says there isn't.
Okay? And he is
a world-class COO
that has brought multiple
companies to a billion dollars.
And you're just
a biz dev guy.
I'm... I'm sorry. I...
I just think that
in this particular situation,
Ben might know
a little better.
Okay.
You're the boss.
You know,
but I will say this.
If you're really going
to start working with Ben,
at least give Dana
the common courtesy
of telling him the truth
about what you guys are doing.
Because if you
don't tell him...
you're the dog.
Thanks for, uh,
having me over.
Of course. So, it's gonna
be a bit weird at first.
Then it's gonna be okay.
What?
Hi, this is Jared Dunn.
Um, sorry, I don't
recognize this number.
Jared? Come here now.
Jian-Yang?
So... Ben told me everything.
Oh!
Uh...
Well...
Radical candor,
I guess, right?
Yeah, he told me how
you kept texting him non-stop.
And he kept refusing,
but you were relentless.
What?
- Uh, no!
- Richard, it's... It's immaterial.
The point is,
Dana knows everything now.
However it came to that,
it's just words in the winds.
"Words in the winds"?
Yeah.
Well, Richard, looks like
you got what you wanted.
You're both adults.
You can work together
if you want.
I just wish you'd demonstrated
the measure of spirit
to discuss this
with me to my face.
But...
guess there's no honor
among thieves, hmm?
Well...
good luck, gentlemen.
You deserve each other.
Dana.
Wow.
You know, I've never
really seen him like that.
He's so assertive.
Uh, articulate.
Yeah, he's had a head cold
the last couple weeks.
Been pretty low energy.
Really?
Yep!
Oh!
So, I guess...
You and me, huh, Richard?
Together, at last.
Yeah.
Dana rides a motorcycle?
Yep.
Cool.
So, uh, what
exactly did you...
The witch lost his mind.
Gilfoyle, you smoke?
I kept mulling
that Seppen shit.
I didn't leave a bit
of my code on that fridge.
No remnants, nothing,
so how do they know?
Then I realized...
they're listening to us.
They've been listening to us
this whole fucking time.
Right.
All these devices
are listening to us!
Okay, um...
Gilfoyle, I-I think
you need some rest.
Not yet.
I checked their firmware
and their logs.
The fridge is set
to record constantly
streaming everything
back to the cloud.
They must have gone
through those audio logs,
and listened
to our conversations.
Wait, even if they
aren't listening to us,
just the fact that
they could be is interesting.
Shit.
They make smoke detectors.
I think there's one
in the kitchen.
Those fuckers are listening.
Jian-Yang, are...
Are you copying
all those companies for the
Chinese markets?
Oh, no.
Fuck you, Seppen.
Hey! Where have you been?
Um, I stayed at
Big Head's last night.
Yeah. Oh, God, I've been
calling all night.
Yeah. I just didn't feel like
getting reprimanded.
I-I thought maybe
you were locked
in another Starbucks
bathroom overnight.
One time, Jared.
One time.
Okay, you're just gonna have
to catch up on the fly, then.
On the fly, what?
Richard Hendricks,
- this is Tom and Viola from Seppen.
- How do you do?
Oh, hi.
Alright, uh,
we won't take up
any more of your time.
Richard has called you
in today, because...
of this.
Um, this is Seppen's Smart
Fridge Terms of Service,
where you specifically state
that only refrigerator
command-related user data
will be uploaded
to your cloud's service.
That's correct.
We believe that the refrigerator
is the hearth of the modern...
Stop talking.
We know your refrigerators
are streaming
all recorded audio
to the cloud.
Every single conversation.
Which is tantamount
to illegal wiretapping.
You thought a mime
performing fellatio was bad?
What happens when
your customers find out
that every single thing
they've ever said
in front of their "hearth"
has been recorded?
Oh, shit.
We never listen
to any recordings.
Look, we never wanted to get into
this tech stuff in the first place,
but our marketing
department insisted.
Between us...
Gavin Belson was the one
that pushed us to sue you.
Is there something
we can do here?
This is a deal memo
stating that Pied Piper
will fix your security issue,
and update your system
to Pied Piper's stack
in the future
which will lower
your server costs
and improve the security
of your fridges.
In exchange,
you drop the suit.
Uh, Richard?
Did I state that correctly?
Is that our offer?
Uh-huh. Yep.
I'd also like to tell you
I have a Seppen bread machine,
and I have never been
happier with an appliance.
- Pleasure.
- Thank you so much.
Hey.
I'm so sorry if
I overstepped my bounds.
It's just time
was of the essence.
- Are you kidding me?
- Jared, you saved us.
And you did it without
having to fuck Gilfoyle over.
- Thanks!
- Yeah, um...
We should talk about
what they said about Gavin.
Hello, Pied Piper!
Nice gender mix.
Could use a little
more color.
Baby steps, right?
Where do you want me?
- What are you doing here?
- What are you talking about?
Well, I-I said I'd call you.
I didn't say I was hiring you.
Richard...
I-I left Dana for you.
I know. Ha!
I'm aware.
But...
let me try a little
radical candor.
Um, cheating on your CEO
and then blaming it all on me
is not really the kind of
behavior I like to reward.
Nor is pushing me
to put my friend in jail.
- Okay.
- You want candor, Richard?
You are objectively
making a huge mistake.
I'm a world-class COO, okay?
And your heavy metal friend?
I mean, he's obviously a dick.
And you know...
You know what else, Richard?
You're 20 to 30 pounds
underweight.
It's gross.
Who was that?
He seemed smart!
Hey, Richard?
I'm at least
45 pounds underweight.
Okay, and don't
worry about him.
We're gonna find you
a much better COO.
I think we already have.
You want the job?
Jared, uh...
Alright, okay.
- I'm okay.
- I know, just take it...
Everyone can see you.
- Oh my God.
- Yeah, let's have a seat.
- Just think about it.
- I'm okay!
Yeah, let's...
Do you want some water?
Just breathe, just breathe.
Seppen said that Gavin was
pushing them to sue us, right?
Uh, yeah, but that
shouldn't be a surprise.
But Seppen had no idea
that we broke in.
How the fuck did Gavin know?
Right!
W-W-What? Are you
suggesting that...
someone in here is leaking
info to Gavin Belson?
I am.
We have a mole on our hands.
What the fuck is going on
over there?
Um, yeah, bad news.
Seppen just left, and... and it
looks like they're gonna settle.
Hey! Dude.
We have a mole!
♪♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪♪
♪♪
You remember K-Hole
James...
- Of course!
- K-Hole is
euphoric about speaking to you
regarding a deal.
That would put us months ahead.
Whatever
you are doing, stop it now.
This is not a done deal.
Any word from our mole
at Pied Piper?
We found the mole.
How did the mole
get all this information?
By exploiting
our most glaring weakness.
♪ You were working
As a waitress ♪
♪ In a cocktail bar ♪
♪♪