Silicon Valley (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Adult Content - full transcript

(music playing)

Hey, welcome to EndFrame.

Yes, hi. Would you...
Just tell your boss

that the CEO of Pied
Piper is here to see them?

That's the company that they ripped off.

Sure. And your name is, sir?

Erlich Bachman.

No. I'm Richard Hendricks. I'm the CEO.

(chuckles)

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

Why would you assume that he's the CEO?



Well, he's... No reason.

Um... The guys are in a staff
meeting right now though.

They should be out shortly.

Would you guys like some
water while you wait?

We have four flavors,

and the cartons are made
from locally sourced organic...

Yeah, we get it. You're funded, so...

They're good.

(sighs)

The market has been
exceptionally volatile lately.

As a result...

many of the very aggressive
positions we took...

at your specific request
have performed poorly.

Very, very poorly.



Do you understand?

Yeah. Would you fuck her?

If I weren't married, I suppose...

but, Russ, as your business manager,

I need to tell you something,

and you're not going to like it.

At all.

♪ ♪

Dinesh: So, what's the plan here, Richard?

We're not gonna, like, fight them, right?

Uh... No, no. I don't... I just...

I mean, we got to do something.

Even if it's just yelling at them...

telling them that they're
not gonna get away with this.

But you know they are, right?

Well, not if I have
anything to do about it.

But you sort of don't.

I support you, Richard, no
matter how futile the effort.

Thanks.

Look who just right-swiped me on Tinder.

Karen.

She's cute.

Says here that she's
looking for a man on the go.

You don't "go" anywhere.

What, are you getting that res on 4G?

- She's cute, right?
- Wow.

Yoyodyne Wi-Fi?

That's the company next door.

Why is their Wi-Fi password
saved on your phone, Dinesh?

Huh? Um...

I have a friend who works there.

Friend?

What friend? You don't have any friends.

Maroush Davidson Jones.

Okay, fine. Fine. You got me.

A couple of weeks back, I
went on a few interviews, okay?

And Yoyodyne was one of them.

Jesus. Back off.

Outed by Wi-Fi.

It was when you said you
were selling to Hooli...

and you know, as soon as you
went with Russ, I blew them off.

You know what? Fuck this.

I'm not waiting anymore.
I'm going in there.

Mr. Bachman's walking back to you now.

That's not my name. My
name is Richard Hendricks.

Hey, remember us?

Oh. Hey, guys. What's up?

♪ ♪

You know what you did.

Okay? I saw your live stream.

Okay? I saw your "algorithm."

That's mine. You stole it.

Stole? We asked you guys
some questions a while back...

and you were very helpful.

See? Look. These, the
photos. These are the photos.

This is proof that you stole it from us.

No, those photos prove
that you gave it to us.

Well, you're stealing it all wrong.

I mean, this is how you're
gonna build the code book?

Honestly? This is bush-league.

And look at all these redundancies.

I mean, look, if you're
gonna build it like that...

- Erlich: Richard, no.
- Dinesh: Richard.

Ugh...

Hey, pen down, Dumbledorf.

Suffice to say...

there is something
somewhere on this board...

that is gonna strangle you at scale.

Don't write that down. Stop.

Hear me when I say this.

Your tech is always
gonna be worse than ours.

That's fine.

How is that fine?

'Cause we have a finished
platform and you don't.

Which means, we're the only...

middle-out company
currently in the marketplace.

And that's enough for my sales team.

Your what?

(phones ringing)

This is our sales team.

(indistinct chatter)

Okay.

(phones continue ringing)

Hear that sound, buddy?

That's the sound of us
leaving you in the dust.

(music theme playing)

Gentlemen of the Hooli board... and lady,

question, what is failure?

To the ignorant or those
in conventional industries,

the recent Nucleus glitch
may seem a failure...

purely in the negative sense.

But we, in this valley, all know
that "failures" just like this one...

are really stepping stones.

To bring us the iPhone,

Steve Jobs first had to bring us...

the Newton.

To bring us Facebook...

Mark Zuckerberg also
had to bring us Wirehog.

Before he brought us Digg, Kevin Rose...

had to bring us a whole
lot of useless things...

and after Digg as well, for that matter.

The point being...

what those in dying business
sectors call failure,

we, in tech, know to be pre-greatness.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Are you telling us that
the disastrous results

of your Nucleus live
stream are a good thing?

No, I'm not telling you that.

History is telling you that.

Please, Gavin, enough spin.

A misstep of that
magnitude, there's no excuse.

It's not like we can tell the shareholders

you've suddenly added new functionality.

Haven't I?

Have you?

We weren't told about this.

If I told you about it,

it wouldn't exactly be a secret function.

Now, would it?

Secret function?

Are you saying you've added

something new to the Nucleus platform?

Imagine if you will...

a function so game-changing,

that its integration into Nucleus

will justify any miscue
in the platform's roll out.

Imagine, if you will, a
function so game-changing,

that its integration into Nucleus

will justify any miscue
in the platform's roll out.

Seriously, imagine it,

and do it quickly.

You were all brought here
to generate moonshots.

I need a moonshot now.

If there's any greatness
in any of you at all,

now is the time to access it.

Please don't disappoint me.

Please, please, please don't disappoint me.

Maybe start after lunch?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

Hello? Russ?

Oh, my God. Is that shit?

- Oh...
- Is there dog shit on the floor?

Yes, it's shit.

God!

What happened to your painting?

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

I've got some bad news,

and you're gonna hear it eventually,

so you might as well hear it from me.

Sit down.

My accountant has informed me that, uh...

I'm financially ruined.

Holy shit. How?

Because of a series of...

bad investments that my fucking money guy

let me talk him into,

I've managed to lose over $200 million.

Wait. Didn't you start
out with $1.2 billion?

I mean, you're not exactly broke, right?

I might as well be.

$986 million?

I'm not a billionaire anymore, Richard.

I'm a nine-hundred-
and-eighty-sixionaire,

which isn't even a fucking thing.

I'm out of the Three Comma Club.

Functionally, I'm just like you.

Jesus, fuck, that's depressing.

Right. But you're still,
basically, a billionaire.

Not if you round down.

If you round down, I have zero billion.

"Forbes" has taken me off
their billionaire's list.

Instead, they'll probably
put me on their...

close-but-no-cigar
list,

which is ironic because I
smoke a fuck ton of cigars.

Why the fuck do I buy so many cigars?

I remember the second
I became a billionaire.

I was ass-naked sitting right there,

just clicking and refreshing,
clicking and refreshing,

watching my stock rise.
And when it happened,

I popped a rod so fast, I
went blind for a full minute.

Nutted all over those cushions.

I was the king.

Now look at me.

Two shitty fucking commas.

I had to sell my McLaren.

Yeah, but there's a
Maserati in the driveway.

Who gives a fuck?

That has doors that open like this.

Not like this.

Or like this.

So it's all fucked.

Well, it's not all fucked.

You did save $50,000 not paying
for the charity ball tickets

that you gave me.

Quite an embarrassing
moment for Jian-Yang and I.

What? Richard, listen,
my accountants tell me...

I need you to start throwing off cash

as quickly as possible, okay?

But you said generating revenue

was exactly what we shouldn't be doing.

But now that I'm spelling
billion with an "M,"

I'm saying do the exact opposite.

I need you to come back to me in 24 hours

and bring me a proposal that
turns the entire operation

into a sales-based model,

just like you told me those
assholes over at EndFrame have.

You're gonna dig me out
of this hole, Richard.

- What?
- You said it yourself.

EndFrame is built to grab
a bunch of cash quickly,

- and that's what I need.
- Uh...

Dad, where is Mom?

Your mom is with her friend Philippe.

They're in Napa. She's
gonna be a few hours.

These guys are gonna watch you, okay?

Watch out for the dog shit. Okay?

I gotta hit the road.

Daddy's going to Vegas.

Flying in a rented Citation Ultra.

Fuck me!

Hello.

Erlich: Uh... hey, buddy.

Jared: Russ wants us to
convert to a sales model?

That's just not possible.

I mean, you saw the size
of that team at EndFrame.

There were 40 people in that room?

Right.

Even if we fired all of the
engineers that we just hired...

Looking good.

Keep at it, Claude.

Jared: Absolutely. Your
jobs are not at risk.

That's very comforting.

Even if we adjusted our workforce

and hired sales people instead,

Service Level Agreements like
that are enormously complex,

they take a huge number of man hours.

There's no way we could find
clients, negotiate terms,

and push deals out the funnel fast
enough to yield real cash anytime soon.

We're just not built for it.

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Karen posted another photo.

Sending it to you right now.

Wait. Why does it say "sent
from my iPhone" at the bottom?

You just sent this from your computer.

It's so that I seem like

I'm an out-and-about
kind of person.

I put that in the signature

and then in the body, I'll write fun stuff,

like, "I'm at the opening
of a secret restaurant."

Or, "I'm watching 'Jaws' at
the pool of an old hotel."

You know, keep it fun, vague, mysterious.

It is a mystery why you think
you'll ever see a woman naked.

Dinesh, do you want a piece of advice?

- No, thank you.
- Okay, I...

I know Karen is out of my league.

Okay? She's practically not my species.

I'm a guppy, and I'm trying
to mate with a dolphin.

You guys are bottom-feeders.

You're like the fish that
swim into other fish's mouths

and eat bacteria off their teeth.

There's no such fish.
You made that fish up.

Okay, it's an analogy.

I'm not gonna debate

the existence of the literal fish with you,

- 'cause it's not relevant.
- Well good, 'cause it doesn't exist.

That is a real fish.

Why don't you just send emails,

from your actual iPhone?

It's all the way in my room.

Wait, so you are trying
to convince this girl

that you run half-marathons,

but you won't walk
halfway across this house

to get your iPhone?

Basically.

♪ ♪

Hi. Is there a... a Russ...

(mumbling)

Boy genius, what's up?

Hey, Russ, uh...

Look, I've run the
numbers 50 different ways,

and I just don't know
how I'm gonna convert...

You don't need to know.
I don't pay you to know.

Know what?

That's right. I know, you don't know.

- I don't know what you know.
- No, you don't know,

'cause I figured it out.

You know what? It's what I do.

I put radio on the Internet.

I'm putting the third comma
back into my net worth,

and you don't have to do jack shit.

Thanks. Come on, let's get
some food. I'm starving.

Do you want your...

Richard, hey.

Good to see you again.

What is this?

This is the solution.

They're not a competitor if
you're a part of them, right?

Pied Piper is gonna merge with EndFrame.

I mean, seriously, I'm a genius, right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where
the fuck are you going?

You're gonna blow this deal.

You cannot be serious.

Those are the guys who
ripped off my algorithm,

which they totally fucked up, by the way.

Okay, so now you can fix it.

Y-You give them a better algorithm,

they'll give you a killer sales team.

And in exchange for bringing you to them,

they give me a big fat buyout
of my stake in your company.

I'm that much closer to re-billionizing.

Those guys are clowns.

Clowns with commitments worth millions.

Did you know they have a deal
on the table with Intersite?

Intersite? The porn company? Really?

I know. Awesome, right?

And they've done months of hard work.

All you have to do is
show up and compress shit.

The answer is no.

Wrong. You do this deal,
or I pull your funding.

Well, you can't pull funding
because we have a contract, so...

Oh, we have a contract?

We have a fucking contract, Richard?

You wanna know what I have?

(chiming on and off)

A fucking car whose doors open like this.

Not like this, not like this.

(engine starting)

(stereo playing loudly)

These are not the doors
of a billionaire, Richard.

Fuck you!

(engine roaring, tires screeching)

Fuck you in the ass.

(electric guitar playing)

So you wanna sue Russ Hanneman?

Yeah. Yeah, we had a contract.

He promised to give us $5 million

and now he's welshing.

And you wanna sue EndFrame?

Yes, because they stole our IP.

Before or... after you gave it to 'em?

Okay, we were tricked, so...

Richie, you're not a guy

that should be worried about suing people.

You need to be worried
about the guy at Hooli

who's suing you.

If you don't mount a
vigorous legal defense,

then you lose to Gavin Belson by default.

And you are stamped "Property of Hooli."

You let Hanneman walk,

how you plan on paying these cats?

I just paid them 80 grand.

As a retainer.

That retains them.

Now you gotta pay them.

Hold on. So I just paid them $80,000...

for the right to pay them more?

Yeah.

Fucking lawyers, man. Right?

Like it or not, Richie,
you're stuck with Hanneman.

♪ ♪

Monica: I mean, technically,
it's not even a merger.

EndFrame just absorbs you, and you're gone.

Right. So, basically, we
end up working for EndFrame

after giving them our idea,

which was way better than theirs,

and they end up making more money than us.

Fuck that. Assholes.

Fucking king-sized assholes.

Butt-holes indeed.

What if we didn't do that?

What if, instead, we got our
own client like EndFrame has,

a porn company or something?

That's not really how it works, Gilfoyle.

You can't just go get a client.

- Why not?
- 'Cause it's not that easy.

Why not?

'Cause EndFrame worked that
Intersite deal for months,

kicking every detail of the contract

and SLA back and forth,

promising tons of custom features.

And you can't just make that stuff up.

What if I didn't have to make it up?

What if I had every detail

of their deal on my computer
right in front of me?

I'm sorry, um...

Are you just asking what if...

or do you actually have this information?

Gilfoyle, please don't tell me...

that you hacked into EndFrame's system.

Okay. I won't tell you that.

W-Well, did you hack into it or not?

My feeling is...

if you're the CEO of a company

and you're dumb enough
to leave your login info

on a Post-it note on your desk,

while the people that
you fucking ripped off

are physically in your
office, it's not a hack.

It's barely social engineering.

It's more like natural selection.

Fucking ninja.

Okay. I was not in the room
while this was happening.

This is way over the line.

This is crazy illegal.

We're not trading on stolen
information. It's not worth it.

What if it was worth it?

It's not, so...

Gilfoyle, uh, hypothetically,
how much is it worth?

$15 million.

- What?
- Holy shit!

Okay, I was definitely not in
the room while this happened.

I've got it all right
here with a bow on it...

Delivery dates, benchmarks.

They're promising to deliver

high-quality 4K streaming video

at 20 megabits per second.

That's it? That's dog shit.

If we can put a half-decent build

of our platform in front of Intersite,

I mean, we can shark this 15 mil
right out from under EndFrame.

I... I don't understand.

How does Intersite have all
this money to throw around?

It's pornography, Richard.

Adult content has driven more

important tech adaption than anything.

The first fiction ever
published on a printing press

was an erotic tale.

And from there, it was Super 8 film...

Polaroid, home video,
digital, video on demand...

Monica: Credit card
verification systems, Snapchat.

Pornography accounts for
37% of all Internet traffic.

38 when I'm on it.

Reducing Intersite server
load by a tiny fraction,

could save them tens of
millions of dollars a year.

Hundreds.

$15 million is only like six
hours of Intersite CDN bill, right?

But to us, that...

I mean, we could settle out with Russ,

pay our legal fees,

have plenty of runway to get us to CES.

Minor detail. This is stealing.

You mean like lying and telling someone

that you want to fund their company,

and then taking their tech
when they meet with you?

Like that kind of stealing?

You wanted to do something, Richard.

This is something.

♪ ♪

It's time to walk the
left-hand path, Richard.

♪ ♪

The statistics here are clear.

Protecting existing revenue streams...

in the current climate is
no longer a viable option.

We must run forward
simply to stay in place,

by doing what the adult
industry has always done, lead.

Pioneering cutting-edge interfaces

across new device platforms
like Oculus and iWhack

will be the key to our
survival as an industry.

And based on their recent
investment patterns,

tech leaders such as Facebook agree.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the future.

(electronic buzzing)

(applauses)

♪ ♪

Erlich: What is that on your
computer screen? A fractal?

No, it's just pictures of
art I've been sending Karen

from my mobile phone which
is charging over there.

I told her I just got back from

a gallery opening in Hunter's Point.

Who painted that disappointment?

Jaden, age five.

I got it from his
Montessori school website.

He's not online, he's never gonna find out.

What?

Crimes against
children...

Really, so easy to get away with.

(cell phone chimes)

Oh, another text from Karen.

"In your 'hood. Can I come over?

"IDK. Too soon, question mark."

Fuck.

What's the issue?

This is what you want.

You know, it's... The
place is so dirty right now.

Probably another day is
best for such activity?

Um, should I tell her I'm
out getting Ethiopian tapas?

I don't see what the problem is here.

She wants to come over, and she
acknowledged that it's too soon.

You've basically done the deed...

which for you is...

ejaculating in your own
pants all over your leg...

and then apologizing profusely.

Just maintain eye contact,

light some scented candles
and throw in some Sade.

The early stuff, though,

before her arrangements got too baroque.

Okay, that is sad.

I can do this. Um...

She would never sleep with
a guy who lives like this.

I don't even know where to start.

Um, do you guys want to help me

clean up a little bit real quick?

No, don't do that.

- Uh, Miss Kendall.
- Yeah.

Excuse me.

I am data compression.

I do data compression,

and, uh, I know that, um,
EndFrame is telling you

that they can lower your
bandwidth and storage costs

by delivering your new 4K video stream

at 20 megabits per second.

Who the hell are you?

Uh, sorry. I'm Pied Piper.

I am Richard Hendricks of...

- You're the CEO.
- Yes.

- Uh, thank you.
- I saw you at TechCrunch.

How do you know the
specs of my EndFrame deal?

I can't... I don't...

Okay. I don't like this
at all, Richard Hendricks.

I'm sorry. Goodbye.

I can save you millions in bandwidth.

My, uh, algorithm is lossless.

I can deliver the same 4K video,

at seven megabits per second, 60 fps.

We are faster

and have a higher quality than EndFrame

at a third of the bit rate.

- Bullshit.
- I can prove it.

Before you spend a dime, let me prove it.

You know I'm on the board of two charities

and a no-kill animal shelter
with Gavin Belson, right?

The man who is suing
you for stealing his IP.

That lawsuit's bullshit.

I have a very complicated
deal in place with EndFrame.

Why should I back out
and take a risk on you?

Back there, you said that
your business needs to do

whatever it takes in order to survive.

Well, so does mine.

And this is it.

If I don't get this
deal, my company is dead.

So this is your place?

Yes.

I know it's weird that a
guy like me would live here,

but, honestly, this is just where I rest.

Out there is where I live.

Did you get my link to the
Catalan animation festival?

Oh, did I?

Where do you stand on the
subtitling v. dubbing debate?

'Cause to me, dubbing is boorish.

'Cause every language to me has its own...

Hey, how'd you get on our Wi-Fi?

How does your phone know the password?

Did it?

Yeah, it connected immediately.

It's an
alpha-numeric... - Oh.

- Long password.
- Oh.

Um... I...

Okay, this is really weird.

Karen?

Erlich.

Hey.

I didn't realize that it was you, Karen,

the Karen that Dinesh...

You two know each other?

In a sense. Yeah.

What... -
Outed by Wi-Fi.

Is the specifics of the "sense"?

Oh... uh...

You never, uh... you never called.

I, uh... got super busy.

Hey, we all do.

Well, we should probably
head to the festival, so...

So did you ever find my earrings?

I... I
don't know.

Should we, uh, check
the old lost and found?

Okay.

♪ ♪

So, here goes.

By wearing this standard
Hooli ear-bud headphone,

modified with a small piezoelectric sensor,

the user can control their Hooli phone

solely with their neural impulses.

Point, click, drag, even type...

all using only brainwaves.

Think it...

and it happens.

Holy shit!

Seriously?

Seriously.

This is great.

Fuck, yes, team!

So, uh, what's our, um, timeline here?

I mean, when do we start testing this?

How long before we can
integrate this into Nucleus?

Not long.

It'll probably happen in our lifetime.

We just have to figure out
how to make it work. (chuckles)

But I really believe that our grandchildren

are going to grow up taking
this technology for granted.

Our grandchildren?

I know you're single, but
you might meet someone.

No. No! No!

What do you have that's ready now?

Well... Hmm...

Truth be told, we kind of put
all our eggs into this basket,

but we do have the kick-ass
potato cannon, though.

Although, actually, this one is broken.

We tried to put a Mr. Potato Head in it,

and it did not like that.

♪ You give me, you're giving me ♪

♪ The sweetest taboo ♪

♪ Too good for me ♪

Still in there, eh?

What do you think? Will they
ever find those earrings?

Funny thing about lost items...

always in the last place you look.

♪ ♪

Thanks for coming in, guys.

I look forward to working with you.

Us too.

Come on back. This way.

We're right in here.

Oh, hey, Mark.

Good to see you again.

What is this?

This is a bake off.

I'm gonna give EndFrame and Pied Piper

the same video library to compress.

In a week, I'll review

and award the contract to
whoever does a better job.

What?

- "Who... whomever."
- What?

"Whomever does the better..."
But okay, yeah. Never mind.

Welcome to the left-hand path, my friend.

(music playing)