Sick Note (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - My Two Dads - full transcript

Hello?

Whoa, whoa...

Hello? Are you okay?

Tickety-boo, madam. I'm just
a window cleaner. I'll be on my way.

Oh, no, no, that's perfect.
This place is on the market

and I want it to be spotless.

Right you are.

The helmet's gone. Shit!

Subtitles by explosiveskull

How are you feeling?

How... how long have I been here?



All night. They scanned you, checked
your pupils, all that kind of stuff.

- Is Dad okay?
- Yeah, he's all good.

- Just a broken leg.
- Oh, not again!

He'll be okay. At least
there wasn't anyone else involved.

I mean, imagine if you'd hit someone,
like what happened to Ash.

Yeah, yeah... I guess.

So have you heard from Will at all?

Yeah. He came into We Cover.

- Mmm.
- Wanted to get a job.

Oh, great. Did he say anything
about why he left?

No. So, what, you haven't heard from him?

Me? No! No, I just wondered.

Anyway, I am so relieved that you're okay.

Oh... Sorry, have you just been sick?



Yeah.

Yeah, I had a...

dodgy sandwich from the café.

Hospital food, hey?
No wonder everyone's ill!

Yeah.

Look you... you'd better go.
Go home, get some rest.

Well, let me know if you want me to pick
you up when they discharge you, yeah?

Thanks.

Oh!

Maybe get some... chewing gum.

It's too soon, Chris.

I had a long, hard think
about what happened

and I can now see how crazy I was.

Yes. Russian spies,
armed guards in hospitals?

I mean, I was going to send
you to the loony bin.

I was having trouble at home,
but with the days off,

I've sorted it all out.

I just want to get back to my job
protecting Queen and country.

Well, for now, I'm putting you
on desk duty in an office near me

so I can keep my eye on you.

- Thank you, ma'am.
- Welcome back, Chris.

But let me be clear.

If you try to investigate or approach
those citizens you accused,

you'll be out of that door
with my boot up your backside. Understand?

I do, ma'am.

The police said they think
someone tampered with the brakes.

Really? Sounds a bit far-fetched.

They've got the car
at the bloody station now.

Who knows when I'll get it back.

Your father has a broken leg, Simon.
Er, Daniel.

Yeah.

I knew this would happen,
especially after last time.

Go and dry your eyes, love.

I'm... I'm sorry about your leg.

The state I was in,
it could've been much worse. But...

let's keep that between us men, yes?

Yeah, of course, Dad.

Listen...

whatever happens,

I just want you know that...

I love you and Mum.

I know. We love you too.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Mum.

Take care of yourselves.

Where are you going?
We still have to speak to the police.

And Simon will be here soon too.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm just...

I'm just gonna go to the...

newsagent.

Yeah. Get... get a Lucozade.

I'm very proud of you, son.

The way you're handling your illness.

You're not running and hiding. You're...

facing up to your problems.

Thanks, Dad.

Could you pick me up a Daily Mail?

Yeah. Will do.

You're through to the telephone

of Dr. Iain Glennis.

I nearly died in a car crash
because of you. Where's Will?

Did he get to Katerina? Where are you?

Of course.

Dr. Glennis.

Yes?

Daniel?

- Daniel, is that you?
- What happened?

Someone knocked me off my bike.

I spent the night in Kenny West's garden.

I woke up shivering.

Poor little E.T.

What happened to Will?

Well, I don't know.
I was following him and, as I say,

someone knocked me off my bike
before I could find him.

Fuck! He must've told her everything.

The police want to speak to me.

Right, we have to get out of here.
We're wanted men.

I'm sorry, I can't. I'm done.

Just...

leave me here to die. It's my time.

Okay, give me the money, then.

Mmm...

No. The money's mine.

Well, you won't need it if you're dead.

I'm not dead, am I? It's just...

I just need to rest.

Okay, yeah, you can rest

for 15 years in prison.

Righty-ho!

Ah!

I need to get changed.

I can't board an aircraft
looking like this.

- Shit!
- Language!

Passport and the cash,
I've left it in my bag in dad's car.

Go and get it, then.

The car is at the police station.

We'll have to hide somewhere
in the United Kingdom.

Oh, perhaps the Cotswolds.

I would like nothing more
than to stay in the country.

We'll just get caught if we do, okay?
It's not an option.

We've got to get my bag back.

You know they were going to make me
a partner at St Frederick's? But...

What did I do to deserve this?

What did you do? Okay, let me think.

You misdiagnosed me with cancer,

you tried to blackmail me,

you staged a hit and run,

sold prescription drugs
to a drug dealer...

- Want me to carry on?
- It was a rhetorical question.

Let's move.

Oh, took me ages
to fish it out of the tree.

Excuse me. Sorry. Er, my friend
was in a car crash and she's pregnant.

- What's her name?
- Her name? Why?

- Have you come to see her?
- Oh, no.

No, she's, um, she's on another ward.

She just wanted me to come
and ask some questions on her behalf.

Okay, I'll see if I can help.

How many weeks pregnant
do you have to be

to be able to tell who the father is?

Paternity tests during pregnancy
can cause miscarriage.

We don't perform them on the NHS.

Your friend could go private,

but she'd need permission and blood
from both possible fathers.

- Great.
- Was the father in the crash too?

What? No. No. Um...

No, he died in a hit and run accident.

If he is the father.

What ward is she on?

Oh, um...

- I, er... I don't remember.
- What's her name?

Vanessa...

Ward.

Think, Chris, think.

Ah!

Anything I can help you with?

No, I'm fine, thanks.
I'm just, er, doing a crossword.

Oh, I love a crossword.
What are you stuck on?

No!

Sorry. I...

just have a thing about doing crosswords
without any help.

Right, yeah.

Okay, well, er, good luck with it.

Are you sure this outfit suits me?

For the thousandth time, yes!

I don't like panic buying

and I think you really rushed me
in that shop.

We're in danger of being arrested
and sent to prison.

Who cares what you look like?

- I care.
- Look, just wait here

and look for a black cab.

Or I could get on the line and see
if I can order us a You-Ber.

No, no, because there'll be a record,
okay? Black cabs, they're anonymous.

- Right, yes.
- We've just got to get in and out

without drawing any attention
to ourselves, okay?

Ah, good morning. Hello.

Thank you for your service.

All right, here goes.

Good luck, Daniel!

Wherever you are,
I'm gonna find you and bring you down.

Hello, young sir. How can I be
of assistance this fine day?

Ah, yeah, er, bit of a long story...

Bingo.

Always got time for a long story. Save me
having to chat with this lot!

Me and my dad,
we were in a car accident yesterday.

- Oh, are you okay?
- I'm fine, yeah.

- And how's Dad?
- He broke his leg.

Thanks for asking.

Um, so his car is in your pound

and my bag's in it.

Right, well, through the wonders
of modern technology,

I will be able to tell you
if that is the case.

- What's Dad's name?
- Gordon Glass.

Glass? Oh, no wonder he broke his leg
if he was in a car accident!

Shattered, was it?

Right, yes, here we are.

A Toyota Rav 4?

Yeah, that's the one.

Hmm. Suspected tampering
of the front hydraulic brake system.

Anyway, I don't actually need the car,
just my bag.

It's not full of guns, drug money,
fake ID and bombs, is it?

No, no.

Where's that bloody pen?

Well, I hate to the bearer of bad news,

but I can't give you access to the car
or its contents.

I can let Dad, though.

Oh! He's shattered his leg, hasn't he?

- Yeah, he broke it.
- Yeah.

There's no way
I can just go and get the bag?

No, it's frustrating, but those are
the rules. They are the rules.

Those are the bloody rules!

And, alas, I did not make the rules,
and if I did,

I'd make a new rule that would state

that you'd be allowed to go and get
your bag back. Is Dad not available?

Let me find out. Thanks.

Not at all. That's our job.

Chris, have you finished your crossword?

- What did he want?
- Oh, you recognized him too?

Yeah that's the, er,
cancer lad off of the posters.

Yes. What did he want?

Well, he was in a road accident
and his bag's still in the car.

It's his dad's car
and it's out back because of, er,

a suspected brake tampering.
The price of fame, I suppose.

His bag's in the car?

Yeah, he wanted it back, but I said
I can only sign it out to his dad...

Those are the rules.

Ah, did you get it?

Yeah. Here it is. Wanna put any of
your invisible things in it?

No need to be facetious. What happened?

They'd only sign it out to my dad.

Cotswolds it is.

Unless...

I am Mr. Glass.

I'm Daniel's father.

Erm... I'm Daniel's father.

married to his...

mother, Mrs. Glass, who's a lovely lady.

And your first name?

It is Mr...

- It's Gordon.
- Gordon Glass.

Sorry. I took a bump on the old noggin.

Yeah. And how's Dad feeling?

Because Daniel said you'd broken your leg.

Yes.

Yes. Er, I've actually got one of
those new ultra-thin casts on,

so I barely... Oh, sorry.

I barely know it's there.

Incredible you're walking on it.

Yes. Yes, er...

So if Dad would just like to
show me some ID.

ID?

Yeah, passport, driver's licence.

I know you drive
because we've got your car!

Yes. Yes, I...

No, I just don't have...

Dad's wallet hasn't been recovered yet.

Oh! Oh, that is a pickle.

Hmm.

Toot-toot! Follow me, young man.
Back in a jiffy.

It's against the rules, as you know,

but seeing as you're a special case,

why doesn't Dad take a seat,
rest his poorly leg.

- Thank you.
- Come on, Daniel.

Oh, quite a prang.

Yeah. Yeah, they said
we're lucky to be alive.

Yeah.

Officer Hayward.
What... what have you been up to?

Pursuing criminals.
Patrick, I can take it from here.

Really? I thought the gaffer
wanted you to stay at your desk?

I've cleared it with her.

Yeah, actually, I'd better be off as well.

Don't you wanna get your bag?

Do you know,
I can't see it anywhere, so...

You can head back, Patrick.
If it's here, I'm sure we'll find it.

Right, well, er...

I'll be with Dad, then, yeah. Mr. Glass.

See you in a mo.

Want to look for your bag in the back?
It's not in the boot.

Do you know,
I really don't think it's in there.

What's in the bag, Daniel?

Mmm, let me think...

Er...

gym stuff...

medication...

- library... library books.
- Library books?

Yeah.

- They're overdue.
- Books about what?

Animals.

Animal books.

Birds.

- Mammals.
- Cor!

I wouldn't mind seeing those.
Shall we have a look for it?

- I really don't think it's in there.
- Bingo!

You're in luck.

Oh!

Er, no. That's... that's not mine.

You came here looking for a rucksack
that you claimed

was in the back of your father's car,
but it's not this rucksack?

Yeah, no.

No, I've never... never seen that one.

Open it, mate.

It's, it's, it's not mine.

Open the bag, Daniel.

I don't want to.

Open it.

Daniel Glass?
Chief Superintendent Christine Henchy.

Would you mind coming with me?
I just... I need a little word.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Would you take him to my office, please?

Yes, ma'am.

I'm impressed, Chris.

The subject of
your crazy little investigation

has been in the building today
and you left him alone.

Well done. I'm proud of you.

Of course, ma'am.
That's all behind me now.

Mm-hm.

Oh, where's Dad off to in such a rush?

My tummy has taken a turn
for the worse, I think.

I need to use your facilities.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Straight down there,

second door on the left.

Just make sure you go into the one with
the picture of the fella, not the lady.

When the female
grey squirrel becomes receptive,

males come from all round.

CONSIDERING ABORTION?
FIND A CLINIC

...the most dominant
getting to mate with her first.

The other males
mate with her after he is finished.

Then the males depart,

having nothing else to do with
the female or the young,

whichever one of them is the father.

Is that... is that necessary?

Oh, it's just standard procedure.

So, now, tell me about your friend, Will.

- Will...
- Your work colleague,

Linda Zarafa,
she said that you were his best friend.

Oh, yeah...

Will.

Er, yeah, he's not my best friend.
He's... I hardly know him.

But he was staying at your flat?

What's this about?

Well, your friend, Will,
paid a visit to your boss's house.

Everyone's gonna learn
the truth about you.

You're fucked!

Daniel, are you okay?
Do you need some water?

- I should have a lawyer present.
- What?

If I'm gonna answer any more questions,
I should have a lawyer present.

No, you don't need a lawyer.

Thank you.

Miss West. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry
for everything that's happened.

Why? Did you send him to my home?

- No.
- Then how is it your fault he died?

Sorry... what? Will's dead?

Yes. His body was found on the estate
of Miss West's father.

I'm so sorry, Daniel.

What? What happened?

Thank you. Thank you for your help.

- Mr. Glass, your son's in with...
- Goodbye.

Such a lovely family.

He was trying to access the property.

Miss Zarafa found the body. I'm afraid
Will died in a rather horrific accident.

I've seen loads of dead bodies,
but this one was pretty gross.

I was helping Miss West after the funeral,

listing her father's belongings to sell,

when suddenly Katerina came up

saying she heard a scream
coming from the end of the driveway.

I just heard screaming...

And we saw the blood right away.

It was Will.
He got trapped in the electric gate.

His head was completely squashed.

Oh, wow.

I'm so sorry, Daniel.

Do you know any reason why

Will would break into Miss West's
property yesterday?

Maybe he was trying to find a job
at We Cover.

Yeah. Yeah, he did say that.

So are you telling me that your friend
climbed an electric gate

just to ask for a job?

I really think gorillas
are smarter than humans.

We rather suspect his intentions
were more sinister than that.

We found multiple IDs on Will's body,
none of which were real.

Far be it for me
to speak ill of the dead,

but I think you're all rather lucky
he got mangled in that gate.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

I'm keeping it, Ash.

I don't know if it's yours

or Daniel's, but, um...

I'm gonna call it Ash.

Or Ashley if it's a girl.

And I'm gonna love it,
because it's all I have left of you.

Please don't be Daniel's!

What happened to you, then?

Well, I saw Miss West
and, er, Linda arrive and...

I just left.

You left me in the lurch.

Sorry.

Not all bad, though, is it?
I mean, as you said,

Will died before he had a chance
to speak to Katerina, yes?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

And no one saw the drugs money.

I think we're probably out of the woods.

Well done, Dad.

Oh!

Thank you, son!

I don't, er, have a son, as you know.

I don't have any children.

But if I did have a son,
I'd like him to be a bit like you.

Obviously not such a liar
or a potty-mouth, but...

Hey, hey. You know the deal.
It was 50/50.

It's not for you. I don't want it on me
when I leave Becca.

Just need you to... look after it.

- Oh.
- Until I move out.

Right, yes.

As soon as we've launched
this charity campaign,

we can end this cancer lie for good.

Ha! I think we could've really
made a go of it in the Cotswolds,

Oh, do you want it?

No.

Don't talk to me like that.
You'd have done the same thing.

Listen.

No one will ever know I faked cancer.

But I know,
you little piece of fucking shit!

Now you do too.

Oh, dear.

Oh.

In you go, Mr. Helmet.

Subtitles by explosiveskull