Sick Note (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - "Sick Note" Queen of Hearts - full transcript

No. No way.

You're the first cop on the scene, dude.

Doesn't matter.

Backup to the police
are 20 minutes away.

- She's still warm.
- Yeah, I still wouldn't do it.

- It's Marilyn Monroe!
- I'd sneak a peek,

but I wouldn't do that.
I do have some morals.

You won't get caught.

Her body would be riddled with evidence.

You know, prints, hair,

- my semen.
- So?

Dude, it's the Sixties. DNA
hasn't even been discovered yet.

No one will ever know.

They'd keep it on file.

They'd cut to a 70-year-old
me explaining to my grand-kids

that I went to prison for having
sex with Marilyn Monroe's corpse.

Dude, this'll have to be my last
one. I gotta get ready for work.

Just take the day off. I did.

What, again?


All I gotta do is put up
some missing cat posters.

So, Becca still doesn't
know you killed her cat?

Nope. And she never will.


I still bear the scars.


And I am their Queen.


- Shit.
- What's wrong?

Oh, shit! Shit! Becca's back.




Hi, honey.

- Why can I smell smoke?
- Can you?

Oh, um, I know, huh...

there were some, uh,
teenagers smoking some weed.

- Must have wafted in.
- Do you think I'm an idiot?

Don't smoke in the flat.

- I told you, I've given up.
- What are you doing here anyway?

Oh, I... I had my
scan today. For my arm.

Oh yeah, how was it?

Oh, it's always the same.

They don't... they don't
know what wrong with it.

They just said, you
know, just keep it rested.

Just keep... doing... what you're doing.

Hasn't stopped you
playing PlayStation then?


No, well they... actually they said
it was good exercise, for my thumb.

So, what are you doing here
anyway? Shouldn't you...

- shouldn't you be at work?
- Oh, this isn't yours, you make it stink.

- Me lamp!
- Yes.

Your... your lamp. Um...

You're not gonna believe this,

but it was... Peanut.

- Peanut's back?
- Yeah.

And... no.

Oh, it's the weirdest thing, he
just... jumped into the window.

- Oh, my God!
- Like he was possessed.

You know, running around,
knocking things over,

including your lamp,

- and uh...
- Why do you always lie to me?

I don't.

Just tell the truth
for once in your life.

I am telling the truth.

I can't do this anymore.

We're finished.

We're finished? What... what...
what... You're dumping me? But...

but we're only halfway through
season 5 of Game of Thrones?

Oh, great! So that's your only
argument for us to stay together?

- 'Cause I don't even like Game of Thrones.
- What?

You cried when they killed Ned.

Get out! Get out! Get your
things together and leave.

- But this is my home.
- No, it's my home.

You don't even pay rent.

I pay our Netflix subscription.

I'm gonna stay with my mum and dad,

and I'm gonna give you till the end
of the week to get your things out.


Ooh, harsh, dude.

Quick game?

Hurry up.

I'm coming, my sweetie.

Wear your glasses.

My... my glasses make me
look old, light of my life.

You are old.

Even Botox wouldn't help.

I'll just wear my glasses.

Oh, right.


How do I get her back, Ash?

Don't know. Maybe you need
to give her some space.

What if... what if I took her
to a really expensive restaurant?

You know, pay for
everything, nice wine, steak.

Steak? Isn't she vegetarian?

Do you know what? She might be. Shit!


what are you gonna do?

Can I stay at yours?

Oh, man, that might be tricky.
The baby still sleeps with Vanessa.

I've just broken my arm.

How do I get over this?

These things never work.

Can't it just be a... key in a lock?

The old days.

Those are my keys and that's
a USB stick you're pressing.

- Hello?
- Hi, am I speaking to Daniel Glass?

Uh, yeah, that's me.

Just a remind that you
have an appointment here

at St. Frederik's clinic at 12:15.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there.

Just to let you know you
won't be seeing Dr Leek today

as he is on leave.

All of his cases are being
overseen by Dr Glennis.

Dr Glennis?

He's one of our best doctors.
You'll be in safe hands.

The NHS is on its death bed.

Long waiting times, outdated equipment,

and wards riddled with MRSA...

At We Cover Insurance, we want to
give our customers the peace of mind

that their health is in good hands.

Our hands.

- We Cover Insurance.
- Bollocks.



Hey! Hey?

Did, uh, did Michael
notice I wasn't here?

I don't think so. Is
it your first day here?

What? No, no, I've worked
here for like two years.

No way.

Hi, this is Daniel
at We Cover Insurance.

How can I help you today?

I want to cancel my cancel my
husband's plan. Account number 31A28D.

Uh, yeah, why?

- H... he passed away.
- Oh.

Oh right, um, it says he's got
another four payments to make,

- I just, I...
- um, and plus, if you cancel now, you will,

er, invalidate your ?35 M&S voucher.


Ah, hi, Mom.

- Hi, Simon.
- No. It's not Simon, it's

- Daniel, your other son.
- Oh, sorry, Daniel.

- Everything okay?
- Uh, not really.

Becca kicked me out.

Oh dear...

Who... who's Becca?

But... She... My girlfriend...

who I've been living with for two years.

Oh, Becca. What a shame.

- Do you think I could come and stay?
- Oh!

Your brother's calling. Gotta go.

Hi, Simon.

You had one job to do, get me a
make-up artist and you ass fucked it!

You didn't mention it yesterday.

Isn't it obvious that I need make-up?

I'm going on television to
promote this fucking company.

- Yeah, sorry, Kenny.
- I'm working harder than a hooker's pussy

to grow We Cover and
can you explain to me

why we only get a one-percent
increase in the last quarter.

- Can you explain that to me?
- Well, an increase is an increase.

I want you to fire some of these pricks.

Maybe it'll shove a red hot dildo
up the rest of their lazy asses.

I... I thought this was the
best area for the interview.

With this bunch of gargoyles behind me?

Wouldn't jizz on them
if they were on fire.

Hi, this is Daniel at We Cover
Insurance. How can I help you today?

Jesus-H-fucking-Christ, there's
not a single face in this place

that's fit for TV.

Except... maybe her.

Move her to this desk here.
Get rid of this asshole.

We'll just keep the camera tight.

So we don't get any of these
other shit lickers in the shot.

- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay? Yeah, good. I'm gonna crap.

Ah, hi, Mike.

He's the shit licker, right?

Are you not on the phone to a customer?

Oh, they... they've had
some shopping delivered.

Okay, well when you're done, can
you come in for a quick word please?

It's your numbers.

They're way up.

Oh, great.

Oh, no, no, it's not great.

You've got a very
high cancellation rate.

I mean, our customers are
slipping through your fingers.

You try keeping up an angry
customer when all you can offer is a

?35 M&S voucher.

That, I think, is a pretty good deal.

I mean, do you even like working here?

- I... love it.
- Now...

I'm... I'm s... I'm sorry,
Daniel, to have to do this but I...

No, no, no, I... I'm really sorry.
I've... I've got my appointment.

Yeah... yeah, of course.

- Another test?
- Scan results today.

Uh, fingers crossed they finally

- work out what's wrong with it.
- Let's hope so.

Wasn't it your left arm?


Yeah, it was.

But now it's the right.

I've been, uh, overcompensating.

Uh. Very unusual.

Tell me, uh, Daniel,

are you, uh... are you a smoker?

Uh, no. No. Ah, why?

Something has come up.


I'll level with you.

There's nothing really
wrong with my arm.

I was just trying to
get some time off work.

Well, you may be getting, uh,

a bit more time off
than you bargained for.

That was in... in bad taste
actually. I'm... uh, I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

I'm afraid I have to tell you,
Daniel, that you have cancer.

I have cancer?

Yes. Yes, there was a
shadow on one of your scans

and the... the biopsy we did
has, it has confirmed that.

I... I have...

elbow cancer?

No. No, no. Your...
your... your elbow is fine.

There's... there's no such
thing as... as elbow cancer.

Um... you... you have cancer
of the osni... of the oth...

uh, it's here.

You have cancer of the osni... Very
difficult to pronounce this one.

Yeah. Your asnophagus.

My... my oesophagus?

That's right. Your osnophagus.

Look, uh... I'm gonna level with you.

Uh, it really couldn't
be in a worse place

but, uh, I am a very
experienced oncologist,

um, I've successfully
treated many patients.

- You're a young man, you're fit, you're healthy.
- I'm not.

I don't do any exercise.

And I... I do smoke. Smoke all the time.

My diet's shit.

I've probably eat about
fifty units already this week.

Yes... that... that explains a lot.

Look... it's not all bad news. I've...

as part of a special relationship
we have here at the clinic,

we treat every We Cover
employee... for free.

Just don't get fired.

That's what I say.

Ag-again, I'm... I'm sorry.

Must assure you my doctoring skills

are... are better than my
lightening the mood skills.


- Good Lord.
- What?

I was wrong.

It says here you can
get cancer of the elbow.

So, tell me, have you ever
been on television before?

Yes, once.

- Well, I was on a train plat...
- I've done a million of these.

I dunno what it feels
like to be nervous anymore.

- Well, what about stress?
- You know what's good for stress?


Well, yes...

but I've got something better.

I've been working on an invention
that I'd like to run past you.

The stress thumb.


What, you put that up your asshole?

No, silly...

You put it in your mouth.

You know,

I have a reservation at a rather
exclusive restaurant for lunch.

Maybe you'd like to tell
me all about it then.

You see...

We Cover works with a
number of top clinics,

that we immediately refer our people to.

We wanna offer the people the...

the level of care that we
believe, everyone deserves.

Caring for the sick is what We Cover,

is all about.

You fucking asshole!

- Okay, um, can we...
- Watch the...

can we stop that... that
film, can we... can we just...

- What the?
- Okay, do...

- Gimme the tape.
- Are you okay?

I've spoken to BBC news, and they
promised not to run the footage.

- Thank God it wasn't live.
- Michael...

fire this cumstain.

Leave this to me.

Uh, Daniel, I... I...
w... y-y-you know the

issues that we discussed earlier...

Fucking fire him!

- I'm afraid...
- I've got cancer.


I've been diagnosed
with oesophageal cancer.

So? Boo-hoo.

- Clear your desk!
- Well obviously he's in shock.

- That's why he was sick.
- But so fucking what?

One in three people get cancer.

That means that one of us
was always gonna get it.

I'm just glad it was him.

Oh, now Kenny, there is protocol, um...

Daniel, maybe you should head home.



I'm sor... I'm sorry, Mr West.

Take the cleaning bill out of his pay.


hi, Daniel. Look, I know
Becca's chucked you out,

but, honestly, we jus...

Ash, you all right?

You'd loose your voice.

Your last words are just
gonna be gargles and noises.

- It's not gonna be like that.
- My uncle had it...

It was horrible.

He just wasted away.

I didn't even recognise him at the end.

He just stank of death.

And now, you will too.

I dunno if I can go through this again.

Oh, honey. Come here.

It's gonna be okay.

He is gonna get through this,

and we are gonna help him.

I.. I love you.

You too.

Now, I really need to
get some sleep, because...

Benny's gonna be up in a few hours.

Everything will look
better in the morning.

All right, come on.


Well, I wanted to...

apologise, on behalf
of Mr West and myself,

for any distress that
was caused yesterday.

I... I'm sorry for
throwing up on Mr West.

Uh, it couldn't be helped.

I don't... I guess there
was a funny side to it.

- Did he... did he think it was funny?
- No.

Anyway, um, your job here is safe.

- That's amazing. Thank you, Michael.
- No, thank you, Daniel.

Thank you for all your hard wor...

for your bravery.


I'll just... yeah.


You know I didn't want
it to end like this.

It was... my fault.

I was a terrible boyfriend.

I took you for granted.

Spent all your money.

Didn't give you anything back.

We had something great..

and I blew it.

Have you found somewhere to stay?

Yeah... yeah, no, I'm staying with Ash,

- for a bit...
- Oh.

Oh, right... I... I...
I thought you were...

gonna try and find a place on your own.

Oh, well, I'll be fine.

So your arm's better then.

Yeah, yeah, my arm...

my arm's fine. Everything's fine.

Yeah, okay, I know when you're
lying to me Daniel, what's going on?

Uh, I wasn't gonna say anything...


You were gonna go without telling me.

You can't do this on your own.

Wait a minute...

Are you bullshitting me?

Look, I know I've told a few
white lies in my time, but...

come on, people... people
don't lie about cancer.

I want to be there for you.

Fuck, I was*, but it hasn't
been like that for ages.

Oh... yeah!

- Where did we go wrong, Becca?
- We?


No, I just... I just couldn't trust you.

You lied to me all the time.

Look... full disclosure.

I've got something else to tell you.

Peanut's dead.



Oh, no.

Oh, God no. I didn't...

Well, did someone cause it?

Was it a car?

No... um...

I killed him.

It was an accident, you know. I...

I was walking out the door, I didn't
realise he was behind me, and I...

slammed the door on his neck.
Yeah, but it was instant...

No. No more lies.

It wasn't instant, it
was... I had to slam the door

three or four more times
to stop the screaming.

Poor Peanut.

Look, I'm gonna finish
packing my things.

No... no! No way.

I don't want you to move out.

You know, like you
said, it was an accident.

You need me right now,

and I wanna be there for
you, every step of the way.

I love you.

I love you too.


Hey... are you feeling better?

Oh, yeah.

Was it something you ate, or stress?

Uh, probably stress, I... I had
just been... diagnosed with cancer.

Yeah, right.

Well... say hello to: 'Stressthumb'.

You place it over your
actual thumb, suck,

and it releases essential
vitamins and minerals,

that will melt your stress away.

It's strawberry flavoured.

Oh, what a...

- great idea.
- I know, no one's ever made these before.


So you're saying 'six months'?


So... so... so, Daniel
might be dead in six months.

Yes, yes. Less even.

Oh, my God.

- What?
- _


You've taken my phone,
you fucking idiot.

Really? Uh, hang on...

Oh, sorry I have to...

speak to another patient about
a rather important matter.



Ah, ha-ha-ha.

I always forget it opens inward.

You should get a second opinion.

- I can take as many days off as I like,
- Uh-huh.

people at work, who used to
ignore me, now bring me coffee,

and everyone's just being so nice to me.

Huh, what, even... even your folks?

Oh yeah... I... I haven't
actually told them yet.

You haven't, hmm? So...

- You and Becca?
- Yeah, yeah, thing's are good.

You know I've realised I was taking
her for granted all this time so...

- Not anymore.
- Well, proud of you dude.

Hey, if you ever need
anything from me, just holler.

Yeah, right now I need
you to stop pissing about,

and lay down some suppressing fire.

- Gonna storm that bunker.
- Ha-ha-ha, okay...

Locking and loading.

Stealing and self-administering
medication is dangerous...

and illegal.

Can I ask wha...

- this is in connection with?
- The missing Botox.

I've no id... I've no idea
what you're talking about.

Ian, how do you explain your face?

We, uh, we... we had a
crab supper last night,

and I... I think...
I think I'm having...

- an allergic reaction to it.

Look at you, you're a mess.

The last time you covered for Dr Leek

you prescribed Tetracycline
to a pregnant woman.

It could've killed her, not
to mention her unborn child.

Thank God the pharmacist spotted it.

No, I didn't know she was pregnant.

She was in her third trimester!

This is it, Iain,

one more slip-up, and you're finished.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Okay, can I take some
details, from you first, um...

Hey, champ...

um, you've got a visitor
to see you, in my office.

Can I just put you on
hold, for one second?

- Who is it?
- Ah, your doctor. Glennis, is it?

What is it?

- It.. it's spread, hasn't it?
- No.

It's... it's... it's not, it's
not bad news. In fact it's...

it's actually the opposite of bad news.

G-g-go on.

I'm very pleased to
say, Daniel, that you....

you don't have cancer.

I... I don't have cancer?


- So... I'm... I'm not... I'm not ill?
- No!

Oh, my God.

Thank you, thank you,
God, I-I don't have cancer?

No, you're, you're
as fit as a fisherman.

Oh, my God. Um...

If you just sign that
for me, it's just...

it's a formality. I wouldn't...

Oh, Th-thank you so much Dr
Glennis. I can't believe it.

Ha-ha-ha, it's amazing.

What, uh, what's this?

It's just a formality, you don't...

Uh, "I hereby agree,

- "not to tell anyone
- ...don't have to read it all.

"that I was misdiagnosed with
cancer." I'm not signing this!

- I really, really need you to sign it.
- No, no way.

You told me I had cancer. Do you
know what I've been through? Jesus!


If this get's out, I'm finished.

My wife will leave me.

She's only sticking around for
the money, what's left of it.

She can't even bare to touch me.

That... that's not really my problem.

Fine.... then you will be in breach
of doctor-patient confidentiality.

That only works one way!

D-does it?

Oh, all right.

I'll... I'll pay you.

- How much?

Fifty pounds.

- God!
- No, sixty!

Tell your boss, he'll be hearing
from my lawyer, first thing.

Yeah! I'm sure my lawyer

is gonna be very interested
to read this 'contract'.

N-no... please!


- Fuck you cancer, fuck you.
- _

Oh no... has it spread?

No. No, no, i-i-it hasn't. Um...

- Lost my dad to liver cancer last year.

That's awful.

I dunno how I'd cope.

Yeah... the... the thing is...

I... I don't have cancer.

God, you're so funny.

Hi, this is Becca, leave a message.

Hey, babe. Listen, I'm taking
you out tonight, somewhere fancy.

We've got something to celebrate.

I can't remember the last
time you took me out on a date.

Ha! Well, there'll be plenty
more dates from now on.

Mmm, yeah...

be it six months... two years...

Well, who knows, you
might even out-live me.

Well, you know, you might just be right.

- Mmm.
- Um...

because we're here to celebrate...

- and...
- I just want you to know.

that I'm going to be here for
you, throughout your illness.

Oh, that... that means so much to me.

- Anyway, er...
- And to think I've given up on you.

It's just...

Well, I promise I won't again,
not now that you are sick.


- Don't take this the wrong way...
- Mmm.


Do you only love me now,

because of my, you know, illness?

I'm not gonna lie to you...

yes, but it's made you a better person.

You're more thoughtful,
loving, and, well...



it's almost like, me
getting cancer was...

- what our relationship needed.
- Yeah.



I'll tell her tomorrow.

- Ooh. Shit,
- What?

I've left my phone at the
restaurant. I have to go back.

- Uh, do you want me to come with?
- No, no, no, no. You go in.

Yeah, uh, I'll pop by the shop too.

- Do you want me to get you some beers?
- Oh, you're the best.





Dude, that's such amazing
news! You must be so relieved.


Look, it sounds awful, but...

having cancer all
week has been so great.

My job's safe...

people giving me stuff...

- Becca's taken me back,
- That's great.

you know, and last night she
even... she even licked my, uh...

Licked your what? Your balls?

No, no, um, behind there.

- Wow... what was that like?
- Yeah...

yeah, no, it was... it was
all right, I guess. It was...

a bit uncomfortable.

I've got twenty minutes.

And this is all gonna
end when I tell everyone.

What do you mean "when"? You...
you haven't told Becca yet?

No... no, I was gonna
tell her tonight but...

You know, the right
moment didn't come up.

Well, when is the
right moment? I mean...

the next time she's
licking your asshole?

This just feels wrong.

I know.

And not hot wrong.

Yeah, I know.

He's dying, we shouldn't be doing this.

I was all ready to leave
him, and now this...

He needs me. I feel awful.

- I feel awful, he was my best friend.
- Yeah, and I'm his girlfriend.

He needs me, he's got cancer,
Ash. I've got to be there for him.

- Not sexually.
- Ugh!

No. God, no. I can't leave him now.

Everyone will just be saying how
much of a heartless bitch you were.

Uh, what about you?

Screwing your best friend's
girlfriend while he's dying.

Not to mention your wife and baby.

Why do bad things always happen to me?

We should end this.

You're right.

- I think we should end this right now.
- We can't see each other again.

After this one.

Yeah, this... this is the
last one. It's the last one.

Oh, Ash!








It's work. They want
to know where you are.

Can you tell 'em I've...
I've left already, my love.

If you tell her, she'll leave you.

Will she?

She wouldn't do that.

Would she?

No. No more lies.

Hi, this is Becca. Leave a message.


Yeah, I-I-I just want
you to know that I, uh...

I just want you to know,
I don't have cancer!

Yeah, it-it-it was all a mistake.

Um, I just found out,
total misdiagnosis.

Um, isn't that amazing? Um...

Anyway, I-I-I can't wait to see
you and... and.. and to celebrate.

I love you so much.

Okay, bye.

Oh, there you are.

That's... so weird, I was just
leaving you a voice mess...

Follow me.

Here he is!

Oh, surprise!

Um, Daniel, I-I... I
would just like to say,

uh, myself, Mr West and,
well everybody at We Cover

are here for you...

Hear, hear!

...and, uh, a trust has
been set up in your name

that will help go in to, uh, funding
research into oesophageal cancer.


Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!



Yeah, uh...

You... you guys...

uh, you know, you... you've been so...



You're not gonna believe this...

but I...

I love you.


I remember everything
about the day I was...

diagnosed with cancer.

I still bear the scars.

You are all my family, now...

And I am your... Queen...

of hearts.

Queen of... Queen of hearts. Queen...


Uh, Dad!

Humphrey Bogart died
of oesophageal cancer.

Oh, really?

Oh God.

I wanted you to phone everyday.

Yep, no, I will. Yeah.

Uh, otherwise your mum will worry.


Thanks, Dad.

- Oh!
- Ooh.

Ah... ha-ha.

Dr Iain Glennis speaking.

Okay, I'm not gonna tell
anyone about your mistake.

Ah, that is...

absolutely wonderful.

But you've got to do something for me.

Yes, anything.

We're gonna pretend I've got cancer,

and then we're gonna
say that you cured me.

Will people believe us? Can we do it?

Yeah, yes.

Yes. Yes, we can do this.


I've got cancer then.

Oh, I love you.

You misspelled suicide.

Mmm, you were so brave today, baby.

Oh, I couldn't have done it without you.

- I'm gonna check my messages.
- Mmm.

- Mmm, there's one from you.
- You have two new messages.


- Yeah, I-I just want you to know that...
- Arrrgh!

- What's wrong?
- Oh, it's my cancer.

Ooh! Oh, could you put that down
and... and just get me a glass

- a glass of water? Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

I've got something to tell you...

I don't have can...

- Well, should I take you to a hospital?
- Oh, no, no, it's been so... it's passed.

I'm okay.

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah. Thanks, babe.

Oh, God... poor thing.



Uh-oh! Oh!

Hard at work, are we?

Well, I'm only paying you
for another six months, so...

Oh, Mr West.

So, any news on my Stressthumbs?

I'm sorry but it's thumb down.

The lab boys said it was
commercially not viable.

- I thought those trials took months.
- I fast-tracked it.

I was just so sure they'd be a hit.

You know,

an early lunch with Kenny West
will turn that frown upside down.

Really? That girl from accounts

seemed pretty upset when
you took her out last month.

Oh, look, you have a
customer. Cancer cunt.


Okay, so that was
definitely the last time.

Yeah, it's over.

You know, we should be doing
nice things for Daniel, not this.

You're right.

Hey, I'll get him a secret cinema
ticket. They're doing Gladiator.

Whatever, come on.

Yeah, and I just need to...

you know.

Ew! I'm not waiting
around for that. Just...

ugh, just make the bed
and let yourself out.


Hey, buddy. You okay?

Uh, yeah, I'm good.

Listen, they're given
me the afternoon off.

I was thinking we could grab
a few drinks, play some pool.

You about?


- Ash, are you still there?
- Yeah, man.

It just went really
quiet. Can barely hear you.

Yeah, um... I'm just on the toilet.

Oh, great. You've been
taking a dump this whole time?

Oh, sorry.

Um, look, you got the Game of
Thrones Blu-Ray box set, right?

Uh, Torch-Winterfell Edition, yes.

Could you just, um, help me
check something on the back?

Can't it wait?

It's just, it's kind of an emergency.

What the fuck!

Yeah, okay man. Uh,
what... what you wanna know?

What special features are listed?

Uh, photo gallery,

anatomy of an episode featurette,
the season 7 preview...

You're welcome.

Oh! That's not one of mine.

She'd kill me if I forgot to flush that.

It's like I've won the lottery.

- By lying about having cancer?
- It's only for six months...

okay? And then everyone
will think I've beat it.

And then get my life back on
track and no one will ever know...

- I... faked cancer.
- You faked it?

Who's that?

Ash? What are you doing on my window?

You... you lied to
everyone. You lied to me.

What is going on?


- You and Becca?
- I cried for you, Daniel.

- I cried for days, you're my best friend.
- Who's fucking my girlfriend!

Gonna give you secret cinema tickets!

- They're doing Gladiator!
- You've just had a baby!

Becca's my girlfriend
and you're my best...





Dude, you still there?


- Do you wanna go to prison for murder?
- Murder?!

Oh, for Pete's sake.

You bastard!

I thought you'd been arrested.