Shtisel (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Shteingletz and Shutenshtein - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON

"Looking for Orthodox family
who's expecting a boy

to name child after a religious man
who passed away without issues."

I'll pay you in two installments,
$25,000 each.

We'll call him Zelig
without any compensation.

But, Giti...

"Welcome," is the word you're looking for.

Uncle Nuchem, when did you arrive?

Can you fall asleep in the living room?

I won't be an inconvenience
to you forever.

We'll find you a worthy husband.



The first meeting is tonight.

He's not some nerd.
He's the crème de la crème.

Father in heaven,

I can't take these thoughts.

I want to think only about the Torah.

I can save you.

You'll be able to focus
on your studies day and night.

He's coming. One big push.

We thought you'd pay us
a small amount after all.

I want to call it off.

I wanted to name him Jacob David.

You're withdrawing the money?

And may his name in Israel be Zelig.

Congratulations!



Abot Barkai Productions

Talisma Productions

Created by
Yehonatan Indursky and Ori Elon

Dov Glickman

Michael Aloni

Sasson Gabay

Neta Riskin

Zohar Strauss

Shira Haas

Hadas Yaron

Casting
Hila Yuval

Executive Producers
Eitan Abot and Guy Hameiri

Line Producers
Isca Gur-Luzon and Aviv Ben Shlush

Art Director
Shimri Gal Novack

Music
Avi Belleli

Cinematography
Roey Roth

Editor
Gilad Ariel

Screenplay Editor
Sayed Kashua

Screenplay
Ori Elon and Yehonatan Indursky

Executive Producer and Editor
Dikla Barkai

Director
Alon Zingman

SHTISEL

RECUPERATION FACILITY
FOR NEW MOTHERS

Giti.

Giti, are you awake? He's crying.

I'm getting up.

You want me to call the nurse?

No, I'm fine.

Are you all right?

Yes.

They have a counselor here.
Maybe you should talk to him.

He can help.

I'm fine, Mina.

I'm just tired.

Feldman's wedding won't begin until 7:30,

so how will we make it
to the Bar Mitzvah on time?

We'll take the bus, Gershon.

Fifteen minutes and we're there.

But what about the eight o'clock news?
How can we listen to the news?

We'll take the transistor.

The transistor?

You know what, Gershon?
We'll take a taxi.

But a taxi is so expensive. So expensive.

Yes, it is, but...
A taxi is very expensive

but thank God, we won the lottery.

-We did?
-We did.

Forty-five million. I forgot to tell you.

Oh, my heart!

Look at them.

Is that what I looked like at my meeting?

You could say that. More bored, maybe.

Yes, it was pretty boring.

-So you won't meet him again?
-I don't know.

It was weird.

But he was nice,

and they say he's very serious.

Very serious.

Scary, isn't it?

Don't worry, Kive,
no one says that about you.

Really?

Let's say you had to propose me

to one of your friends.

Wouldn't you tell her I'm serious?

I'd tell her
you're one of the least serious.

But don't worry,
lots of girls aren't serious.

Sure.

How about you? Are you serious or...

Very.

One of the more serious.

So you think you'll meet
the serious guy again?

It doesn't really matter.
He disappeared as it is.

Disappeared?

We haven't heard from them
and the matchmaker hasn't called.

Konigsberg? You should talk to him.

I'm not sure I want to see him again.

It's just odd that they disappeared.

Kive?

What?

Come inside, I want to talk to you.

-What do you think you're doing?
-What?

Sitting with a woman so frivolously...

You mean Libbi? She's my cousin.

Don't be an ass. You're not kids anymore.

-I don't know what you're talking about.
-Is that right?

That's right.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

Blessed are you, God, through whose word
everything comes into being.

No meal offering, which ye shall bring
unto the Lord, shall be made with leaven.

For ye shall make no leaven

nor any honey, smoke as an offering
made by fire unto the Lord.

All right, Mom.

I hope you feel better.

Kiss little Zelig for me.

Bye.

What did she say?

Nothing.

She said she was moved
to a room with a view,

but now there's another woman
in the room

who's constantly listening
to Vizhnitz waltzes.

Your mother likes Hasidic songs.

I don't know.

She's been sad since the bris.

Yes.

I thought the recuperation
facility would help.

What happened at the bris, Dad?

Nothing happened.

Then why is Mom sad?

It happens after having a baby.

All kinds of hormones in the body.

She was never like this before.

Don't worry.

She'll rest at Telse Stone
and come back a new person.

"I am deaf and mute.
The parrot talks.

One shekel per word.

For charity."

Dad!

There's a man with a parrot
collecting money for charity.

Hello.

Here, give this to him, Chaimkeh.

Binyamin.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

How are you?

How are you?

-I need to pee.
-I need to pee.

No bad words,
it's a righteous parrot.

No bad words,
it's a righteous parrot.

How much does the parrot cost?

How are you, Giti, darling?

How's the new room?

Ruchami told me they moved you.

What is that?

It's a parrot.

I can see that. What...

Not just any parrot,
it's a talking parrot.

Whose is it?

Ours.

I wanted to bring you something
that would make you happy.

He's funny, look.

-Say, "Giti."
-Say, "Giti."

-Lippe.
-Klipa.

Did you hear that? He called me Klipa.

-Lippe.
-Klipa.

-Lippe.
-Klipa.

Lippe!

I need you, Giti.

The children need you.

Please come home.

I can't.

Why not? You've been here
for over a week.

The house is in shambles.

Are you trying to get back at me?

For thinking about our future?
Our kids' future?

I need a few more days here.

-How long?
-I don't know.

Giti, come home, you can rest
as much as you want, I promise.

Well, I don't know what else to say.
I'm going home.

Lippe.

Yes?

Take the bird, don't leave it here.

I don't know what to say.

It's so strange.

Libbi said he was nice,
and he's a serious young man,

so why did they disappear?

Good question.

What's his name?

Yacov Cohen.

Cohen from the pickles?

No, not from the candies either.

-Where do they live?
-I have no idea.

Your friend Konigsberg knows,

but he's gone, nowhere to be found.

Go find Yacov Cohen.

There's tens of thousands of them,
they could build their own country.

Who wants to build a country?
Damn those evil people.

-You know...
-What?

When we were kids,

cousins used to marry.

Our grandparents were cousins.

That was then.

People used to eat chicken feet
back then too.

I still buy chicken feet.

They're very tasty and cheap.

Good for you.
Now tell me, what do I do?

Can you find Konigsberg for me?

We'll go see him, but not now.

When?

Later.

I have to go to the cheder, I'm late.

We'll go after work
and give him a piece of our mind.

Good morning, Aliza.

Good morning, Shulem. How are you?

The food smells very good.

-Enjoy.
-Thank you.

-Tell me.
-Yes, Shulem?

Did you talk to Goldman's parents,
from sixth grade?

Yes, they'll be here at around 3:00.

Good.

I'll update Rabbi Stern,

-so he can attend the meeting.
-Good.

-Listen, Aliza...
-Yes.

Maybe it would be best
you eat in the staff room.

Eat there every day at a regular time.

Why, does it bother you?

No, no, I just think you'd like it better.

So you can eat in peace.

All right, no problem.

An office is no place to eat.

All right.

If that's what you prefer.

I'll eat in the staff room.

Very good. It's for your benefit.

Thank you, Aliza.

Healthy food will help you study better.

Hello.

Hello.

Tell me, where's the boss?
We've been looking for him for a week.

He's gone.

Gone to Bnei Brak?

He passed away.

What?

What? That's awful.

Yes.

We'll all die soon, anyway.

Now I see why those Cohens disappeared.

We were in the middle of a matchmaking.

You're not the only ones.

He was in the middle of a lot
of matchmakings, it's a mess.

There's always someone
coming in here saying,

"Konigsberg was in the middle
of my matchmaking. How do we go on?"

What do I say to that?

Well, what do you say?

Nothing.

I say nothing, gentlemen.

Some questions don't have answers.

Wait, he had this notebook
where he wrote everything down.

Here, Rabbi Shtisel.

If you can decipher it,
I'll buy you a fruit juice.

-Why, is it in Yiddish?
-Yiddish?

It's all abbreviations, clues, numbers.

Who knows what he wanted.

You can't make it out
even with Shotenstein

and Steinsaltz put together.

It really is illegible.

Konigsberg is gone.

-I used to study with him.
-You did?

This is so sad.

How will I find him?

There are dozens of "YCs" in here.

I'll never figure out which is Yacov Cohen
and which is Yechiel Cafcafi.

How did he die?

I wasn't here.

He climbed on a ladder
to get something and fell.

Oh, no.

I haven't been able to sleep
since it happened.

I feel guilty.

It's all in God's hands.

-I found you, Shulem.
-What?

There's a whole page
with second matches.

Look, "SS."

"A widow, principal of a cheder,
smokes and eats."

-That's nonsense, it's not me.
-It's you.

Here's your number.

He wrote a concise description:

"Smokes and eats."

Fine, fine.

Blessed is the true judge.

-Take care
-Take care.

"Smokes and eats."

When the High Priest worked
in the days of the Temple...

Wait, replay that.

I can't, it's automatic.

-But I missed the end of the story.
-I'll tell you later.

Do you know where Kive is?

Oh, Kive. No, I don't know.

Let's see, maybe he's under my skullcap.

Kive? Kive?

-No, he's not here.
-Wait, maybe he's under here.

Kive, are you there?

Not here. Do you see anything?

I see someone, but it's not Kive.

Be serious. Where is he?
I have to ask him something.

-He's around somewhere.
-He'll be back.

He'll be home soon.

You know, it's interesting.

I've given it some thought.

It's not so bizarre
that cousins get married.

There's Grandfather, who I told you about,

and Cohen from the newspaper
did the same.

You've been talking
about this for two days.

What are you getting at?

Listen, my son...

is slightly screwed up.

And so is your daughter.

They get along very well, so...

maybe we can work with that.

Are you insane? They're cousins.

So they're cousins.

And don't say my daughter
is a screw up.

My daughter will marry
the top of the line,

not some third class bum.

Who's a third class bum?

I can imagine what Konigsberg wrote
about Kive in his notebook.

-Hello, Kive.
-Hello.

What happened, Dad?

Nothing happened.

Then why are they leaving?

Never mind.

It's getting crowded in here.

But where are they going?

What do I care?

They can sleep in Zichron Moshe
or at the Kotel.

But what happened?
Uncle Nuchem, what happened?

Your father told you. Nothing.

Nothing.

It's a shame we're leaving.

Hurry up, Shterzaleh, the cab is waiting.

I'm coming.

It's okay, we'll finally have
some peace and quiet around here.

Yes.

It's good, you can now sleep in your room.

I'll have the room to myself again
and that's that.

Okay.

And another thing, Kive.

If you want to get married,

you have to do something
about that snoring.

Yes?

Shulem, I'm going to the staff room.

I made too much food,

maybe one of the teachers will want some.

That's very nice.

Want me to leave you some?

No, no, I'm not hungry.

Aliza, could you sit down a second?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Go ahead.

If you had to define me
in two or three words,

what would you say?

-You?
-Yes.

That's easy.

Father and educator.

Exactly. Father and educator. Exactly.

The fact that a man
smokes sometimes and eats a little

doesn't mean that's all he is.

After all, I care about the children.

-The students.
-Yes, you're right.

How's your daughter?

Thank God, very well.

That reminds me,
I was going to visit her today.

Father and educator. Yes.

Are you sure you don't want a little?

Maybe just a little. Thank you.

Giti, dear.

How are you, Giti?

Father.

I'm so glad you came.

This is for you.

Prune juice.

It's good for the milk or something.

Thank you, Dad.

It's what your mother used to drink
after she gave birth.

I'll drink it.

So where's our little Zelig?

In the nursery.

Can we go see him soon?

Yes.

What is it, Giti? Are you all right?
You look a bit sad.

No, no, I'm fine.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

I'm just weak from the birth.

That will pass, God willing.

Someone's calling you from home.

I'll talk to them later.

I'm tired.

Giti, dear, I won't disturb you.

I just came to see that you're all right.

I'm fine, thank God.

You know, Giti,

after your dearly
departed mother gave birth,

with all the joy and gratitude,

she always had this sadness
in her heart.

And I had to work so hard

to get a smile out of her.

You know what I would do?

There was this thing I would do. Look.

Giti, come.

Let's see the new grandchild.

-Say hello.
-Say hello.

Say hello!

Say hello.

Come on, pick up!

Say it. Say, "Binyamin."

Say, "Chaimkeh is the best king."
Say, "Binyamin is ugly."

-Binyamin, go do your homework.
-No.

-Chaimkeh, clean up your room.
-I don't feel like it!

You don't say "I don't feel like it"
to your big sister!

You do what Ruchami says! Right now!

Kive, are you out there?

Kive, how are you?

-What are you doing?
-I'm sitting on the balcony.

You don't say.

How about we study together, Kive,
like father and son?

Together?

Now?

Absolutely. It's been a while.

A long while.

But not now, Dad. I'm tired.

Maybe tonight, okay?

Okay.

Tonight it is.

Mark your planner.

I have to get a planner first.

How are you?

-Thank God.
-Very nice.

Where are you taking the books?

Someone bought all the books.

-All of them?
-Yes.

The family doesn't want the shop anymore.

-Who needs so many books?
-Pe'er HaChaim.

They're buying everyone out.

Be careful they don't buy you.

I wish they would.

-Listen, my man.
-Yes?

-I need your help.
-Whatever you say.

I need you to call my brother Nuchem

and tell him there was a delay
because of the shiva,

but the Cohens want to continue.

I don't know, Rabbi Shtisel.
I don't need any trouble.

Hello? Nuchem Shtisel?

I'm calling from the extended family

of the late Rabbi Konigsberg.

There was a delay
because of the shiva.

There was a delay
because of the shiva and all.

They want to continue.

The Cohen family wants to continue.

-Tonight.
-Tonight at...

-The Kings Hotel.
-The Kings Hotel.

The Kings Hotel in Jerusalem.

Take care, thank you.

Kive, Kive, get up, get up.

-Get up.
-What? What happened?

This is no time to sleep. Get up already.

What, Dad?

-We'll study together later.
-It's not that.

I got some phone calls...

Never mind.

I set up a meeting for you
with a very special woman.

Get yourself together.
You have to be at the Kings Hotel at 7:00.

Get up.

What?

A meeting? With who?

Trust me. Get a move on.

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Be quiet.

Sit down and eat.

Stop! Stop!

-Dad, he hit me.
-No, I didn't, you started it.

Dad, tell him!

Stop fighting now!

-Where's Ruchami?
-She's volunteering today.

She should volunteer here.

Sit down and eat.

Sit down and eat.

That's enough, you two.

Stop fighting. Sit down.

-You like bread and cheese, right?
-Yes.

Here, bread and cheese.

You want chocolate spread,
you'll get chocolate.

You want chocolate too?

Yes?

Here, chocolate.

Here.

Hello, Geula Taxis?

I need a taxi at 30 Rashi Street.

To the Telse Stone
Recuperation Facility.

Thank you.

Yosa'le, kids, get dressed.

Get dressed.

Healthy food will help you study better.

Thank God, it did help me study better.

Dad, what's going on?

What?

Where is everyone?

I sent them to get your mother.

What do you mean?

I called a taxi
and I sent them to Telse Stone.

Maybe that way she'll come back.

You sent them alone in a taxi?

Isn't that dangerous?

Yosa'le's a big boy.

Besides, I talked to the driver,
he's a good guy.

I gave him the address, don't worry.

With Yehoshua? At night?
What if they don't find Mom?

They will!

-When did they leave?
-A few minutes ago.

-Did you talk to Mom?
-She won't pick up.

I'm going there. I'll get a cab.

Go.

Libbi?

What are you doing here?

I have a meeting.

What are you doing here?

I have a meeting too.

A match?

Yes, what else?

You're a popular artist.
How should I know?

Nonsense.

Are you meeting the same man?

Yes, finally they called.

Turns out there was a mess
because of Konigsberg...

Yes, I heard about that.
All this confusion.

Totally.

Who are you meeting?

A woman.

I don't know, my father spoke
to a new matchmaker.

He said...

she's very special.

That's good.

Yes. We scheduled for 7:00.

It's 7:30, and she's not here.

We were scheduled to meet at 7:00, too,
and I was a little late.

Did you see anyone waiting?

No, I didn't see any Orthodox men at all.

All right.

All right.

Wait, Libbi, we're both here.

We've both been stood up.

Let's have a meeting, then.
You and I.

Like a match meeting?

Yes.

Yes, a match meeting.

All right.

All right.

Did you easily find the hotel?

Yes, I did.

The cab dropped me off right here.

I walked here.

-Isn't it far?
-No.

I like walking.

From my house to the hotel,
it's exactly three cigarettes.

You come here often.

Too often.

I know the menu by heart.

Okay, then you order for us.

Hello.

Two bitter lemons with ice, please.

Will that be all?

Yes, thank you.

Nobody told me you had green eyes.

And nobody told me you were so pretty.

What is it, sweethearts?

My darlings, how did you get here?

By taxi.

We saw an airplane on the way.

That's great. Who came with you?

-No one.
-Dad put us in a cab.

He said we should ask
if you remember us.

Come.

Come to me.

Of course, I remember you.
How could I not?

Don't cry.

I'm not crying, I'm just happy to see you.

Welcome, what important guests.

-I'm hungry.
-Me too.

I warmed up some cakes,

but I'm not sure
there's enough for everyone.

It's all right, Dad,
I'll make them something.

No, no, you rest.

Ruchami.

Here's some money.

Get two pizzas and a bottle of Coke.

-Ruchami, get tons of sauce.
-Okay.

Each of you eat half a cake
so you have room for the pizza.

Thank you, Dad.

Why aren't you eating, Giti?

I will, Dad. Don't worry, I'll eat.

I'm going out for a few minutes.
I'll be right back.

-Kive. Hello.
-Hi.

Hello.

This is great, you're all here.

Oh, Zelig's here too.

Is that an accordion?

Nuchem and I took some things out
of the attic. We've left it out for now.

You want to play?

Chaimkeh, give me a slice of pizza.

Thank you.

Blessed are You, God, who creates
various kinds of sustenance.

Kive, listen to me good.

Remember what I'm telling you.

I want only two words on my headstone.

What are you talking about?

Just two words.

"Father and educator".