Shining Vale (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Chapter Two - She Comes At Night - full transcript
Previously,
on Shining Vale...
When your mom and I saw it,
we fell in love with it.
In other words,
mom boned some rando,
- so we had to move here.
- Hey, no! It's not about that.
I'm gonna be using
the attic as my writing annex.
- Oh, you're a writer?
- If we don't get
the first chapter next month,
I want the advance back.
Please.
You look like
you're auditioning for Pornhub.
You don't wanna be known
as "that girl."
You make an age-appropriate
friend, okay?
There's something
very wrong with this house.
I saw someone downstairs.
I didn't see anything.
I mean, nothing unusual.
Do you think I'm going crazy?
- Patricia.
What are you
doing in my house?
♪ ♪
It's fucking hot.
What?
- Gaynor?
- Roxy!
Roxy?
Roxy?
♪ ♪
Don't go in there.
♪ ♪
Use your words, Patricia.
- Ow!
Uh! Ow!
Oh, God.
- Oh, God!
Sorry, sorry.
It's a work alarm.
Oh, my God.
Sorry, let me get it.
Shh, shh, shh.
- Ohh--
- I got it.
Ow! Are you serious?
- Ow!
- Ow. Sorry.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Go to sleep.
I had a bad dream.
Seriously?
Get in.
Okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Failsafe alarm.
I'll get it.
♪ ♪
- Holy fuckin' shit!
- Everything okay?
Terry, remember the woman
that I saw
when we first moved in?
The woman outside the window
or the woman
in the family room?
- That's the same woman.
- Oh.
Anyway, I don't know
if she's a ghost,
but she keeps popping up
in my dreams, and last night--
It's probably a stress dream.
I used to have
- these fantastical dreams--
- I know, I know.
Back in business school,
and you forgot to study
- for your accounting final.
- It was International Finance.
- Accounting I would have aced.
- Okay, well, in my dream,
she burned me with a cigarette.
- Oh, Pat. Come on.
- And look--
Oh, my God. Wow!
Does it hurt if I do this?
- Ow!
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
Let me see.
Look at that. It's--
- What is wrong with you?
- Sorry. It's probably a burn.
I just told you
it was a burn.
Yeah, but I don't believe
you dreamed that onto your arm.
I-I think that you were
cooking bacon
and maybe some
grease splattered.
When was the last time
I made bacon?
When was the last time a ghost
burned you with a cigarette?
It seemed so real.
Well, I just read that moving
is the second biggest cause
of stress dreams, so--
What's number one?
Marital strife, I think.
Yeah.
- I'm gonna say hi to the kids.
- Yeah. Let's say hi.
- Morning, kids.
- Bro, you shot my nutsack off.
- Fine.
Is this thing broken again?
Can we please just get
a normal coffee maker?
No, no, no.
It's not a prison cafeteria.
It's a little temperamental.
You just gotta play with
the sweet spot--let me.
All right?
- Why are you so covered up?
- Maybe I don't need to
use my body
to define my self-worth.
Well, since they had to
pixelate
your tenth grade class picture,
I'm not buying it.
What is it? 'Cause you have a
hickey?
Let me see.
Do you have a tattoo?
Mom.
- Get off of me!
Since when do you wear a cross?
Okay. You know, I'm allowed to
have spirituality in my life.
Jesus Christ, get off my ass.
Bro, back off.
Who you
talking to, buddy?
Fred, a boy I met
in the Oculus.
There is no boy named Fred.
Fred is the name
of a 49-year-old pedophile
in dolphin shorts
who's trying to groom you
to live in an ice cream van.
You wanted me
to make a friend?
I made a friend.
You can't have it both ways.
Hey, hey, hey. Phelps family.
Let's all take it down
about three notches, okay?
Can we please hire someone
to speed up that doorbell?
Mm, yeah, what happened to
our old handyman?
Okay.
Shit!
It was stuck.
I'll get it.
♪ ♪
Hi. Is Gaynor around?
Uh, yeah. Hold on.
Gaynor.
- 'Sup, Ryan?
- 'Sup, Gaynor?
Oh, Jesus!
I'm Valerie He.
Oh, this is my mom.
We live next door.
Hi, I'm Pat.
I've seen you around.
Seems our children
have developed a friendship.
Yeah, we met when Gaynor
was signing up
for the Chastity Club.
Hope you also signed up
for the Time Travel Club.
Mm, aww.
Mom, please shut the fuck up.
Do you wanna wait
in the car?
Uh, yeah.
Would you like me
to take him?
Oh. Yeah.
But we have
a no returns policy.
That's just a joke.
He's my favorite.
I know you're not supposed
to say that, but--
Ah--
Uh, Jake.
Grab your stuff.
Mrs. He is gonna
take you to school.
Oh, okay.
No, in real life, honey.
Christ almighty.
It's getting closer.
- It's reached out.
- I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
It senses your weakness.
Okay. Gotcha.
- Jake, let's go.
- Do not give in.
Okay. Jake, now!
Have a good day at school.
- Please don't ignore this.
- Okay.
Who was that?
Patty make a new friend?
No. Patty met
a weird fucking neighbor.
Oh, my God.
Did you just feel that?
- Nope.
- I'm telling you,
there's something
s-seriously wrong here.
No, no, no, Pat.
We've been through this.
We're not moving, Pat.
We can't.
And there's nothing wrong
with this house.
- Oh, my God.
No, there's--
Oh, Pat, get in here.
Look at this.
It's an old growth chart.
Aw.
Daisy.
I always wish we'd done
one of these with our kids.
Maybe we should start.
I think they're done growing.
Well, then we can do us.
Mark how we shrink
as we get older.
You don't think
that was fucking weird
that the door just slammed?
Nope. It's a--that's a rusty
spring hinge.
I bet I pop a little WD-40
on that,
there goes your ghost.
- Hah!
- God, why?
- Hello, old friend.
Honey...
you seen the lubricant?
Ah.
Motherfucker!
I told you,
Frank must have left his drill
at our old place,
and the movers packed it.
There's nothing more to it.
Right. I think it just
reminds me of the time
that I hired him
to fix our sink
and you had sex with him
in our kitchen, so...
Terry, how are you dealing
with your anger?
How do you deal
with your anger?
Hey, Terry,
he's just trying to help.
Sorry. I just--I'm good.
Good. Chopping wood.
I just push it all down.
Terry,
you can't just bottle it up.
Unchecked anger can build
into unfiltered rage.
- Pat's seeing ghosts.
- What?
Not ghosts.
You make me sound like a loon.
I've seen one ghost.
It's a '50s housewife
that keeps popping up.
Are you taking
your anti-depressants?
Yes, I am,
and they're not working.
My depression
is off the fucking charts.
Are you exercising?
Eating right?
Have you made any friends
in town?
No, I don't think you have.
You know, I don't think
he was talking to you.
H-have you...
you any of those things?
No. I don't have time.
I've gotta write my book,
and I've written one paragraph
since we moved in.
I keep telling her to use
the local bookstore.
Free Wi-Fi when you buy
a cup of coffee.
What, do you work for
the fucking
Chamber of Commerce now?
- I'm just trying to help, Pat.
- Hold on.
- Terry may be right.
- Of course I am.
You buy a small coffee,
you get free Wi-Fi.
I meant, I think it would be
therapeutic for you
to get out of the house,
socialize.
You think that would help
my depression?
Absolutely.
I'm also going to up the dosage
on your anti-depressants
to 300 milligrams.
- Mm-hmm.
- That sounds like a lot.
I have a number of patients
who take that dosage.
Really? Like how many? One?
More. More than one.
Three?
Less than three.
I'd now like to ask
any new members
of the Chastity Club
to introduce themselves.
It's cool. Go ahead.
Okay.
Uh...
my first sexual experience was,
like, pretty typical.
It was mostly just hand stuff
with our upstairs neighbor.
He was terrible at it.
It was like he was trying
to find his keys at the bottom
of a very full gym bag.
Anyway, I mostly did it because
he loved playing reggaeton
really loud, which made
my mom lose her shit.
Eventually, I had real deal
"P-in-V" sex with him
and wasn't great either,
but I guess
that's on me, right?
So, uh, yeah, now I'm like
totally ready to wait
- for the right person.
Yeah. Good to be here.
Just your name and grade.
Gaynor. 11th.
We're gonna take
a five-minute break.
[Kam "Cressida realized
she hadn't entered the attic.
The attic had entered her..."
She fucked the house?
No. Maybe.
I-I don't know.
I was kind of outside of myself
when I wrote it, so...
Well, it's certainly
an attention-grabber.
I say keep going.
- Seriously?
- Why not?
'Cause I was just prescribed
veterinary sedatives
so I can stop being tormented
by a ghost.
Artists work best when
they're battling their demons.
When you wrote Cressida,
you were totally
out of control,
and it was a masterpiece.
Can you stop being my editor
for just one minute?
I can stop being your editor
forever
if you don't finish this book.
Okay. Got it.
Lose control.
Hey, maybe I should
start drinking again.
No, better yet,
I'll buy an eight ball
off my old coke dealer
and fuck the night manager
at Howard Johnson's.
I am saying the opposite.
Take control.
Use whatever you're dealing
with--fatigue,
depression, guilt--
and write to that.
You could be
a modern-day Sylvia Plath.
Trish, this could be
your Bell Jar.
Sylvia Plath went insane
writing The Bell Jar.
And then she stuck her head
in the oven.
Well, don't go full Plath.
Although I could market
the shit out of that.
Just stop right before that.
Use it to get
the creative juices going
and keep it filthy--
that's your brand.
- Thank you.
- You know, to be honest,
I thought this book
was gonna be about your affair.
I could never
do that to Terry.
I mean,
we moved three hours away
so he would never
have to see Frank.
- This is Frank.
This is Terry Phelps.
You had sex with my wife.
I have your drill.
Dude, it's only
like three flights.
You should not be that gassed.
Sh...shut up, Frank.
So, um, you here
to beat me up?
No.
I'm here because...
I guess I'm here because of
what happened with you and Pat.
- The sex.
- Yes, the sex, Frank.
I thought I was over it,
and then I come across
that stupid drill of you--
I just wanna understand
how it happened.
I mean, did you plan it?
Did you even think
you were gonna fix the sink?
Because, you know,
you charged me for it.
I didn't plan it.
I came over to fix the sink
and Pat started crying,
so I gave her my shirt.
How is that
your first instinct?
It just was!
Next thing you know,
she starts kissing me,
and it happened.
Also, I have an automatic
billing system, so--
You're saying she made
the first move?
Because I don't believe you.
She was in a really bad place.
All right?
I tried to comfort her,
and I got caught up.
All right, so...
w-w-what up?
Do...
Do you...love her?
No, man.
I'm still trying
to learn how to love myself.
Oh, my God.
Do you have any idea
how pathetic that i--
Wow.
Is that--is that Italian?
Yeah, man.
Picked it up in Milan.
Wow.
- Never seen anything like it.
- Yeah.
It's got the deluxe
LatteCrema System
for a perfect flat white
every time.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I'm taking it with me, Frank.
- What?
- Yeah.
No-no, Terry,
that's--that's off limits.
Yeah, well, so was my wife.
- Uh, want me to help you?
- No.
It-it's fragile, man.
All right, grab the other side.
- Careful.
- Kids doing all right?
- Yeah, Jake's good.
Fuck it.
Here you are. Enjoy.
The Bell Jarisn't really
a book you enjoy.
It's more of a journey
into the abyss.
Enjoy.
Pat!
Oh, I'm--I gotta go.
- Have a seat.
- Hi, Robyn.
- Hi, Pat.
Ladies, this is Pat Phelps.
She bought
the big house on Elm.
- Oh, wow.
- I see.
What? Is something wrong
with the house?
Of course not!
It is a treasure.
Oh, I'm so rude.
Pat, this is the Shining Vale
Ladies Auxiliary Club.
- Emily Harris.
- Cherise Nathan.
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
- Pat is a writer.
- Ooh.
Anything I would have read?
Mm, I seriously doubt it,
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
Remember Cressida: Unbound?
That dirty little book that
was passed around years ago?
That was Pat.
Oh, of course!
My neighbor used it once.
I got it as a gag gift
from my niece.
I'm exhausted.
I'm-I'm gonna go.
Pat, we'd love to, um,
get you more involved.
- Maybe with the, uh, bake sale?
- I don't bake.
What about
for Parent-Teacher night?
I don't parent.
Ladies.
Bye!
Roxy, what is that?
Roxy, drop it!
Roxy.
♪ ♪
Oh, God.
It's okay.
I just had a bad dream.
Come here.
It's okay.
Good girl, it's okay.
It's okay.
- It's okay.
What the hell?
Mm.
Says Szechuan, but I'm--
I'm tasting Hunan.
- What do you think, Pat?
- Honestly, honey,
it just tastes like
really shitty Chinese food.
- Mm, could be shitty Cantonese.
- I'm sorr--
Could we have one family meal
where we don't curse?
Gaynor, if you're trying
to get back at me
by dating a church guy,
I gotta tell ya, I don't care.
We're just hanging out,
trying to meet people.
And you've raised me
with literally
no social skills.
- Fucking doorbell.
That's Fred.
Can he come for dinner?
You gave our address
to a child molester?
Jake, we talked
about online safety.
- You're gonna be so embarrassed
when he isn't a pedophile.
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
I'm going to pray.
Good.
Pray you don't
get pregnant with Ryan
'cause you'll have to keep it!
♪ ♪
Fucking kidding me?
- Are you Jake?
- Are you Frank?
- What?
- What?
- No, no, no. I'm not--
- No. I'm not Jake.
- Fred!
- Jake. What's up, bro?
Bro, check out
this portal I found.
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay.
- He's Fred.
- And that's Jake.
I-I'm so sorry.
I-I thought you were a pedo
grooming my son.
No. Not a groomer.
Not a groomer.
Thought the same thing
about your kid.
Hey, come on, the name Jake,
it's a little pedo-like, so...
Eh, Fred sounds
like a kiddie diddler.
LOL.
I mean, when I saw your house
I was like,
"It puts the lotion
on its skin," you know?
I love this house.
I mean, I'd kill to live here.
I'm Laird, by the way.
- Terry. How are you?
- I'm good. I'm good.
All right, well, we're just
sitting down to dinner, so...
Thank you. That's so kind.
- To your left.
Oh, thank you.
Wow.
- Oh.
- This is awesome.
- Yeah.
It's so hard to make
new friends at this age.
Well, Jake is very particular
about who he connects with.
Historically, they've either
been way younger
or in the custodial field.
But I, uh, I meant me.
I-I'm so sorry.
Did I overstep?
No. No, no, no, no, I--
We've actually talked about
meeting friends here in town.
Is there a Mrs. Laird?
Technically.
But she's seeing
someone else right now.
Oh, very, very sorry.
You know, the worst part is,
not only did I lose my wife,
- I lost my best friend.
- Oh, God.
She was fucking my best friend.
Um, I'm gonna go clean up.
No. You don't want
any part of this.
♪ ♪
Hey, this Laird guy
is actually pretty funny
when he's not crying.
- Everything okay?
- No.
This book keeps appearing
out of nowhere.
That's not that odd.
We have like 300 copies
lying around our den.
This isn't my copy.
Someone dog-eared the pages
and- and circled words.
Uh, "atheists," "sweaty,"
"dildo."
Someone's trying
to tell me something.
Probably that we shouldn't
leave this book around
- when we have kids over.
- Okay.
You know what, never mind.
I just--it does--I'm fine.
Oh, no, no. I wanna know
what's going on.
No, you don't.
You're just gonna
mansplain it away
with some logical explanation.
That's not mansplaining.
- Mansplaining...
- Mm-hmm.
...happens to be
that there's usually
a logical explanation.
Well, what if
the logical explanation
- is that I'm losing my mind?
- No.
Yeah, Kam read the page
that I wrote in the attic--
which I don't even remember
writing--
and she said it was great.
She said, "Embrace the crazy."
Kam said that?
That's fantastic!
No, it's not!
I can't afford to go crazy.
I mean, you heard Dr. Berg.
If you explode and I go nuts,
what's gonna happen
to the kids?
Honey, the kids are gonna
be fine, all right?
And I am not gonna explode.
In fact,
I did a little
retail therapy today.
Voilà.
- Is that Frank's?
- Yeah.
I went over to that son of--
how do you know that's Frank's?
What?
Oh, my God!
When were you at his apartment?
It was a part
of that terrible week.
I didn't wanna believe
that you kissed him first.
Now, I find out
that you fucked him for a week?
You said it was one time!
- It-it was a one-time event.
- An event?
What? Like a Toyotathon?
It was one affair.
It lasted a week.
What difference does it make?
Because once is a mistake.
A week is...you made a choice.
- A really bad choice.
- That's right.
And I would do
anything--anything
if I could go back
and do things differently.
I wish I wasn't home.
I wish that-that I'd taken
that Pilates class
that you gave me
for my birthday.
I paid for three years,
you went once.
What do you want me to say?
I fuck everything up.
I know that.
I fucked up our family.
I fucked up our marriage.
And I'm trying so hard not
to fuck up what we have left,
but it's really, really hard.
And I'm just so tired.
Pat, come-come here.
I don't want to.
Patty.
No.
Come here.
Hey. Listen to me.
We're Phelps.
- We're unfuckable.
I'm sorry you were so sad.
I...
I should've been paying
better attention.
I'm sorry about the Pilates.
Yeah, it says right there
in the contract,
got to cancel by fax
or you lose the--
Just let me know
when it starts to get weird,
and I'll leave.
- Right about now.
- Oh.
Kam is right.
This really is a masterpiece.
Good night, sweetheart.
Use your words, Patricia.
Use your words.
Use my words.
I'm using my words.
What words?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Good news, Patricia.
You're not crazy.
on Shining Vale...
When your mom and I saw it,
we fell in love with it.
In other words,
mom boned some rando,
- so we had to move here.
- Hey, no! It's not about that.
I'm gonna be using
the attic as my writing annex.
- Oh, you're a writer?
- If we don't get
the first chapter next month,
I want the advance back.
Please.
You look like
you're auditioning for Pornhub.
You don't wanna be known
as "that girl."
You make an age-appropriate
friend, okay?
There's something
very wrong with this house.
I saw someone downstairs.
I didn't see anything.
I mean, nothing unusual.
Do you think I'm going crazy?
- Patricia.
What are you
doing in my house?
♪ ♪
It's fucking hot.
What?
- Gaynor?
- Roxy!
Roxy?
Roxy?
♪ ♪
Don't go in there.
♪ ♪
Use your words, Patricia.
- Ow!
Uh! Ow!
Oh, God.
- Oh, God!
Sorry, sorry.
It's a work alarm.
Oh, my God.
Sorry, let me get it.
Shh, shh, shh.
- Ohh--
- I got it.
Ow! Are you serious?
- Ow!
- Ow. Sorry.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Go to sleep.
I had a bad dream.
Seriously?
Get in.
Okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Failsafe alarm.
I'll get it.
♪ ♪
- Holy fuckin' shit!
- Everything okay?
Terry, remember the woman
that I saw
when we first moved in?
The woman outside the window
or the woman
in the family room?
- That's the same woman.
- Oh.
Anyway, I don't know
if she's a ghost,
but she keeps popping up
in my dreams, and last night--
It's probably a stress dream.
I used to have
- these fantastical dreams--
- I know, I know.
Back in business school,
and you forgot to study
- for your accounting final.
- It was International Finance.
- Accounting I would have aced.
- Okay, well, in my dream,
she burned me with a cigarette.
- Oh, Pat. Come on.
- And look--
Oh, my God. Wow!
Does it hurt if I do this?
- Ow!
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
Let me see.
Look at that. It's--
- What is wrong with you?
- Sorry. It's probably a burn.
I just told you
it was a burn.
Yeah, but I don't believe
you dreamed that onto your arm.
I-I think that you were
cooking bacon
and maybe some
grease splattered.
When was the last time
I made bacon?
When was the last time a ghost
burned you with a cigarette?
It seemed so real.
Well, I just read that moving
is the second biggest cause
of stress dreams, so--
What's number one?
Marital strife, I think.
Yeah.
- I'm gonna say hi to the kids.
- Yeah. Let's say hi.
- Morning, kids.
- Bro, you shot my nutsack off.
- Fine.
Is this thing broken again?
Can we please just get
a normal coffee maker?
No, no, no.
It's not a prison cafeteria.
It's a little temperamental.
You just gotta play with
the sweet spot--let me.
All right?
- Why are you so covered up?
- Maybe I don't need to
use my body
to define my self-worth.
Well, since they had to
pixelate
your tenth grade class picture,
I'm not buying it.
What is it? 'Cause you have a
hickey?
Let me see.
Do you have a tattoo?
Mom.
- Get off of me!
Since when do you wear a cross?
Okay. You know, I'm allowed to
have spirituality in my life.
Jesus Christ, get off my ass.
Bro, back off.
Who you
talking to, buddy?
Fred, a boy I met
in the Oculus.
There is no boy named Fred.
Fred is the name
of a 49-year-old pedophile
in dolphin shorts
who's trying to groom you
to live in an ice cream van.
You wanted me
to make a friend?
I made a friend.
You can't have it both ways.
Hey, hey, hey. Phelps family.
Let's all take it down
about three notches, okay?
Can we please hire someone
to speed up that doorbell?
Mm, yeah, what happened to
our old handyman?
Okay.
Shit!
It was stuck.
I'll get it.
♪ ♪
Hi. Is Gaynor around?
Uh, yeah. Hold on.
Gaynor.
- 'Sup, Ryan?
- 'Sup, Gaynor?
Oh, Jesus!
I'm Valerie He.
Oh, this is my mom.
We live next door.
Hi, I'm Pat.
I've seen you around.
Seems our children
have developed a friendship.
Yeah, we met when Gaynor
was signing up
for the Chastity Club.
Hope you also signed up
for the Time Travel Club.
Mm, aww.
Mom, please shut the fuck up.
Do you wanna wait
in the car?
Uh, yeah.
Would you like me
to take him?
Oh. Yeah.
But we have
a no returns policy.
That's just a joke.
He's my favorite.
I know you're not supposed
to say that, but--
Ah--
Uh, Jake.
Grab your stuff.
Mrs. He is gonna
take you to school.
Oh, okay.
No, in real life, honey.
Christ almighty.
It's getting closer.
- It's reached out.
- I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
It senses your weakness.
Okay. Gotcha.
- Jake, let's go.
- Do not give in.
Okay. Jake, now!
Have a good day at school.
- Please don't ignore this.
- Okay.
Who was that?
Patty make a new friend?
No. Patty met
a weird fucking neighbor.
Oh, my God.
Did you just feel that?
- Nope.
- I'm telling you,
there's something
s-seriously wrong here.
No, no, no, Pat.
We've been through this.
We're not moving, Pat.
We can't.
And there's nothing wrong
with this house.
- Oh, my God.
No, there's--
Oh, Pat, get in here.
Look at this.
It's an old growth chart.
Aw.
Daisy.
I always wish we'd done
one of these with our kids.
Maybe we should start.
I think they're done growing.
Well, then we can do us.
Mark how we shrink
as we get older.
You don't think
that was fucking weird
that the door just slammed?
Nope. It's a--that's a rusty
spring hinge.
I bet I pop a little WD-40
on that,
there goes your ghost.
- Hah!
- God, why?
- Hello, old friend.
Honey...
you seen the lubricant?
Ah.
Motherfucker!
I told you,
Frank must have left his drill
at our old place,
and the movers packed it.
There's nothing more to it.
Right. I think it just
reminds me of the time
that I hired him
to fix our sink
and you had sex with him
in our kitchen, so...
Terry, how are you dealing
with your anger?
How do you deal
with your anger?
Hey, Terry,
he's just trying to help.
Sorry. I just--I'm good.
Good. Chopping wood.
I just push it all down.
Terry,
you can't just bottle it up.
Unchecked anger can build
into unfiltered rage.
- Pat's seeing ghosts.
- What?
Not ghosts.
You make me sound like a loon.
I've seen one ghost.
It's a '50s housewife
that keeps popping up.
Are you taking
your anti-depressants?
Yes, I am,
and they're not working.
My depression
is off the fucking charts.
Are you exercising?
Eating right?
Have you made any friends
in town?
No, I don't think you have.
You know, I don't think
he was talking to you.
H-have you...
you any of those things?
No. I don't have time.
I've gotta write my book,
and I've written one paragraph
since we moved in.
I keep telling her to use
the local bookstore.
Free Wi-Fi when you buy
a cup of coffee.
What, do you work for
the fucking
Chamber of Commerce now?
- I'm just trying to help, Pat.
- Hold on.
- Terry may be right.
- Of course I am.
You buy a small coffee,
you get free Wi-Fi.
I meant, I think it would be
therapeutic for you
to get out of the house,
socialize.
You think that would help
my depression?
Absolutely.
I'm also going to up the dosage
on your anti-depressants
to 300 milligrams.
- Mm-hmm.
- That sounds like a lot.
I have a number of patients
who take that dosage.
Really? Like how many? One?
More. More than one.
Three?
Less than three.
I'd now like to ask
any new members
of the Chastity Club
to introduce themselves.
It's cool. Go ahead.
Okay.
Uh...
my first sexual experience was,
like, pretty typical.
It was mostly just hand stuff
with our upstairs neighbor.
He was terrible at it.
It was like he was trying
to find his keys at the bottom
of a very full gym bag.
Anyway, I mostly did it because
he loved playing reggaeton
really loud, which made
my mom lose her shit.
Eventually, I had real deal
"P-in-V" sex with him
and wasn't great either,
but I guess
that's on me, right?
So, uh, yeah, now I'm like
totally ready to wait
- for the right person.
Yeah. Good to be here.
Just your name and grade.
Gaynor. 11th.
We're gonna take
a five-minute break.
[Kam "Cressida realized
she hadn't entered the attic.
The attic had entered her..."
She fucked the house?
No. Maybe.
I-I don't know.
I was kind of outside of myself
when I wrote it, so...
Well, it's certainly
an attention-grabber.
I say keep going.
- Seriously?
- Why not?
'Cause I was just prescribed
veterinary sedatives
so I can stop being tormented
by a ghost.
Artists work best when
they're battling their demons.
When you wrote Cressida,
you were totally
out of control,
and it was a masterpiece.
Can you stop being my editor
for just one minute?
I can stop being your editor
forever
if you don't finish this book.
Okay. Got it.
Lose control.
Hey, maybe I should
start drinking again.
No, better yet,
I'll buy an eight ball
off my old coke dealer
and fuck the night manager
at Howard Johnson's.
I am saying the opposite.
Take control.
Use whatever you're dealing
with--fatigue,
depression, guilt--
and write to that.
You could be
a modern-day Sylvia Plath.
Trish, this could be
your Bell Jar.
Sylvia Plath went insane
writing The Bell Jar.
And then she stuck her head
in the oven.
Well, don't go full Plath.
Although I could market
the shit out of that.
Just stop right before that.
Use it to get
the creative juices going
and keep it filthy--
that's your brand.
- Thank you.
- You know, to be honest,
I thought this book
was gonna be about your affair.
I could never
do that to Terry.
I mean,
we moved three hours away
so he would never
have to see Frank.
- This is Frank.
This is Terry Phelps.
You had sex with my wife.
I have your drill.
Dude, it's only
like three flights.
You should not be that gassed.
Sh...shut up, Frank.
So, um, you here
to beat me up?
No.
I'm here because...
I guess I'm here because of
what happened with you and Pat.
- The sex.
- Yes, the sex, Frank.
I thought I was over it,
and then I come across
that stupid drill of you--
I just wanna understand
how it happened.
I mean, did you plan it?
Did you even think
you were gonna fix the sink?
Because, you know,
you charged me for it.
I didn't plan it.
I came over to fix the sink
and Pat started crying,
so I gave her my shirt.
How is that
your first instinct?
It just was!
Next thing you know,
she starts kissing me,
and it happened.
Also, I have an automatic
billing system, so--
You're saying she made
the first move?
Because I don't believe you.
She was in a really bad place.
All right?
I tried to comfort her,
and I got caught up.
All right, so...
w-w-what up?
Do...
Do you...love her?
No, man.
I'm still trying
to learn how to love myself.
Oh, my God.
Do you have any idea
how pathetic that i--
Wow.
Is that--is that Italian?
Yeah, man.
Picked it up in Milan.
Wow.
- Never seen anything like it.
- Yeah.
It's got the deluxe
LatteCrema System
for a perfect flat white
every time.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I'm taking it with me, Frank.
- What?
- Yeah.
No-no, Terry,
that's--that's off limits.
Yeah, well, so was my wife.
- Uh, want me to help you?
- No.
It-it's fragile, man.
All right, grab the other side.
- Careful.
- Kids doing all right?
- Yeah, Jake's good.
Fuck it.
Here you are. Enjoy.
The Bell Jarisn't really
a book you enjoy.
It's more of a journey
into the abyss.
Enjoy.
Pat!
Oh, I'm--I gotta go.
- Have a seat.
- Hi, Robyn.
- Hi, Pat.
Ladies, this is Pat Phelps.
She bought
the big house on Elm.
- Oh, wow.
- I see.
What? Is something wrong
with the house?
Of course not!
It is a treasure.
Oh, I'm so rude.
Pat, this is the Shining Vale
Ladies Auxiliary Club.
- Emily Harris.
- Cherise Nathan.
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
- Pat is a writer.
- Ooh.
Anything I would have read?
Mm, I seriously doubt it,
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
Remember Cressida: Unbound?
That dirty little book that
was passed around years ago?
That was Pat.
Oh, of course!
My neighbor used it once.
I got it as a gag gift
from my niece.
I'm exhausted.
I'm-I'm gonna go.
Pat, we'd love to, um,
get you more involved.
- Maybe with the, uh, bake sale?
- I don't bake.
What about
for Parent-Teacher night?
I don't parent.
Ladies.
Bye!
Roxy, what is that?
Roxy, drop it!
Roxy.
♪ ♪
Oh, God.
It's okay.
I just had a bad dream.
Come here.
It's okay.
Good girl, it's okay.
It's okay.
- It's okay.
What the hell?
Mm.
Says Szechuan, but I'm--
I'm tasting Hunan.
- What do you think, Pat?
- Honestly, honey,
it just tastes like
really shitty Chinese food.
- Mm, could be shitty Cantonese.
- I'm sorr--
Could we have one family meal
where we don't curse?
Gaynor, if you're trying
to get back at me
by dating a church guy,
I gotta tell ya, I don't care.
We're just hanging out,
trying to meet people.
And you've raised me
with literally
no social skills.
- Fucking doorbell.
That's Fred.
Can he come for dinner?
You gave our address
to a child molester?
Jake, we talked
about online safety.
- You're gonna be so embarrassed
when he isn't a pedophile.
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
I'm going to pray.
Good.
Pray you don't
get pregnant with Ryan
'cause you'll have to keep it!
♪ ♪
Fucking kidding me?
- Are you Jake?
- Are you Frank?
- What?
- What?
- No, no, no. I'm not--
- No. I'm not Jake.
- Fred!
- Jake. What's up, bro?
Bro, check out
this portal I found.
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay.
- He's Fred.
- And that's Jake.
I-I'm so sorry.
I-I thought you were a pedo
grooming my son.
No. Not a groomer.
Not a groomer.
Thought the same thing
about your kid.
Hey, come on, the name Jake,
it's a little pedo-like, so...
Eh, Fred sounds
like a kiddie diddler.
LOL.
I mean, when I saw your house
I was like,
"It puts the lotion
on its skin," you know?
I love this house.
I mean, I'd kill to live here.
I'm Laird, by the way.
- Terry. How are you?
- I'm good. I'm good.
All right, well, we're just
sitting down to dinner, so...
Thank you. That's so kind.
- To your left.
Oh, thank you.
Wow.
- Oh.
- This is awesome.
- Yeah.
It's so hard to make
new friends at this age.
Well, Jake is very particular
about who he connects with.
Historically, they've either
been way younger
or in the custodial field.
But I, uh, I meant me.
I-I'm so sorry.
Did I overstep?
No. No, no, no, no, I--
We've actually talked about
meeting friends here in town.
Is there a Mrs. Laird?
Technically.
But she's seeing
someone else right now.
Oh, very, very sorry.
You know, the worst part is,
not only did I lose my wife,
- I lost my best friend.
- Oh, God.
She was fucking my best friend.
Um, I'm gonna go clean up.
No. You don't want
any part of this.
♪ ♪
Hey, this Laird guy
is actually pretty funny
when he's not crying.
- Everything okay?
- No.
This book keeps appearing
out of nowhere.
That's not that odd.
We have like 300 copies
lying around our den.
This isn't my copy.
Someone dog-eared the pages
and- and circled words.
Uh, "atheists," "sweaty,"
"dildo."
Someone's trying
to tell me something.
Probably that we shouldn't
leave this book around
- when we have kids over.
- Okay.
You know what, never mind.
I just--it does--I'm fine.
Oh, no, no. I wanna know
what's going on.
No, you don't.
You're just gonna
mansplain it away
with some logical explanation.
That's not mansplaining.
- Mansplaining...
- Mm-hmm.
...happens to be
that there's usually
a logical explanation.
Well, what if
the logical explanation
- is that I'm losing my mind?
- No.
Yeah, Kam read the page
that I wrote in the attic--
which I don't even remember
writing--
and she said it was great.
She said, "Embrace the crazy."
Kam said that?
That's fantastic!
No, it's not!
I can't afford to go crazy.
I mean, you heard Dr. Berg.
If you explode and I go nuts,
what's gonna happen
to the kids?
Honey, the kids are gonna
be fine, all right?
And I am not gonna explode.
In fact,
I did a little
retail therapy today.
Voilà.
- Is that Frank's?
- Yeah.
I went over to that son of--
how do you know that's Frank's?
What?
Oh, my God!
When were you at his apartment?
It was a part
of that terrible week.
I didn't wanna believe
that you kissed him first.
Now, I find out
that you fucked him for a week?
You said it was one time!
- It-it was a one-time event.
- An event?
What? Like a Toyotathon?
It was one affair.
It lasted a week.
What difference does it make?
Because once is a mistake.
A week is...you made a choice.
- A really bad choice.
- That's right.
And I would do
anything--anything
if I could go back
and do things differently.
I wish I wasn't home.
I wish that-that I'd taken
that Pilates class
that you gave me
for my birthday.
I paid for three years,
you went once.
What do you want me to say?
I fuck everything up.
I know that.
I fucked up our family.
I fucked up our marriage.
And I'm trying so hard not
to fuck up what we have left,
but it's really, really hard.
And I'm just so tired.
Pat, come-come here.
I don't want to.
Patty.
No.
Come here.
Hey. Listen to me.
We're Phelps.
- We're unfuckable.
I'm sorry you were so sad.
I...
I should've been paying
better attention.
I'm sorry about the Pilates.
Yeah, it says right there
in the contract,
got to cancel by fax
or you lose the--
Just let me know
when it starts to get weird,
and I'll leave.
- Right about now.
- Oh.
Kam is right.
This really is a masterpiece.
Good night, sweetheart.
Use your words, Patricia.
Use your words.
Use my words.
I'm using my words.
What words?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Good news, Patricia.
You're not crazy.