Sherlock (2010–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - The Lying Detective - full transcript

(GUNSHOT)

THERAPIST: Tell me
about your morning.

Start from the beginning.

I woke up.

THERAPIST: How did you sleep?

I didn't. I don't.

You just said you woke up.

I stopped lying down.

Alone?

Of course, alone.

I meant Rosie. Your daughter.



Uh, she's with friends.

Why?

Can't always cope.

And last night wasn't good.

It's understandable.

Is it, why?
Why is it understandable?

Why does everything have to be
understandable? (CHUCKLES)

Why can't some things
be unacceptable?
And we can just say that.

I only mean it's okay.

I'm letting my daughter down.
How the hell is that okay?

You just lost your wife.

And Rosie just
lost her mother.

THERAPIST:
You are holding yourself
to an unreasonable standard.

JOHN: No, I'm failing to.



So, there is no one you
talk to? Confide in?

No one.

Oh, I'm picking up Rosie
this afternoon.

After I see my therapist.

Got a new one.
I'm seeing her today.

MARY: Are you gonna
tell her about me?

No.

Why not?

-'Cause I can't.
-Why not?

Because I can't,
you know I can't.
She thinks you're dead.

John, you've got to
remember, it's important.

I am dead.

Please. For your own sake
and for Rosie's.

This isn't real. I'm dead.

-John, look at me.
-Mmm.

I'm not here.
You know that, don't you?

Okay. I'll see you later.

THERAPIST: Is there anything
you're not telling me?

(CHUCKLES) No. (CLEARS THROAT)

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

You keep glancing to my left.

Oh, I suppose I was
just looking away. (CHUCKLES)

There is a difference between
looking away and looking to.

-I tend to notice
these things.
-I'm sure.

Now, I am reminding you
of your friend, I think.

That's not necessarily
a good thing.

Do you talk to
Sherlock Holmes?

I haven't seen him.

No one's seen him. He's locked
himself away in his flat.
God knows what he's up to.

Do you blame him?

I don't blame him...
I don't think about him.

Has he attempted to
make contact with you?

No!

How can you be sure?
He might have tried.

No, if Sherlock Holmes
wants to get in touch,

that's not something you
can fail to notice.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(CAR ALARM RINGING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(ODE TO JOY PLAYING
FROM CAR RADIO)

Well, now.

Won't you introduce me?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-Hello. Thank you, thank you.

Hello.

Mr Smith,
whenever you're ready.

Now, please.

Bring them through.

It's difficult having such
good friends.

Friends are people
you want to share with.

Friends and family.

What's the very worst
thing you can do...

to your very best friends?

(CHUCKLES)

Something on your mind?

Yes, Simon. Oh yes.

Whatever you tell us,
stays in this room.
I think I speak for everyone.

(ALL MURMURING)

WOMAN: Well, what is the worst
thing you could do?

Tell them your darkest secret.

Because,

if you tell them,
and they decide
they rather not know...

You can't take it back.

You can't unsay it.

Once you've opened your heart,

you can't close it again.

(LAUGHS)

I'm kidding.

Of course, you can.

Well, everyone, please,
roll up your right sleeves.

Roll up your right sleeves.
Come on.

Oh, it's a bit of insurance.

I don't understand.
What is that?

(CHUCKLES) TD 12.

-One of ours.
-One of yours?

We make it, my company. TD 12.

Sells mainly to dentists
and hospitals, for minor
surgical procedures.

Interferes with...

-The memory.
-The memory.

Yes.

I want to thank you, Ivan,
for allowing me to use it.

Didn't exactly know who
you were gonna be using it on.

(CHUCKLES)

-You mean you didn't ask.
-Is everyone ready?

-No.
-Please.

Roll up your sleeves.
Come on, roll up.

This is obscene.

All I'm doing, Faith dear...

-(GASPS)
-...is getting something
off my chest.

Without getting it on yours.

What you're about to
hear me say may
horrify you. But...

You will forget it.

If you think about it,
civilisation has always

depended on a measure
of elective ignorance.

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

These drip feeds will keep the
drug in your blood streams
at exactly the right levels.

Nothing that is
happening to you now

will stay with you for more
than a few minutes.

I'm afraid that some of the

memories you've
had up to this point
might also be...

...corrupted.

I'm going to share
something with you now.

Something personal.

And of importance to me.

I have a need to confess.

But you, I think,
might have a need to forget.

By the end of this, you'll be
free to go, and don't worry,

by the time you're back
in the outside world

you will not remember any
of what you've heard.

-Ignorance is bliss.
-What's wrong with bliss?

Some of you know each other
and some of you don't.

Please, be aware
that one of you

is a high ranking
police officer.

One of you is a
member of the judiciary.

One of you sits on the board
of a prominent broadcaster.

Two of you work for me.
And one of you of course,
is my lovely daughter.

Faith.

You are the people
I need to hear me.

I have made millions,
for myself for the people
around this table,

for millions of people
I've never even met.

There are charities that I
support who wouldn't exist
without me.

If life is a balance sheet,
and I think it is,

well, I believe I'm in credit!

But I have a situation.

That needs to be managed.

I have a problem
and there is only one way
that I can solve it.

And what's that?

I'm terribly sorry.

I need to kill someone.

Who?

Were we in a meeting?
Was there a meeting?

Need to kill someone. Faith.

-(FAITH BREATHING HEAVILY)
-My dear, dear girl.

I can't remember.

I can't remember who
you're gonna kill.

In five minutes,

you won't even remember
why you were crying.

The others are all fine.

You know,
they've gone down the pub.

It's all on me. (CHUCKLES)

(FAITH SOBBING)

Oh Faith. Don't you think
I should take that?

It's only going to upset you.

Three years ago,
my father told me
he wanted to kill someone.

One word, Mr Holmes,

and it changed
my world forever.

Just one word.

What word?

-A name.
-What name?

I can't remember.

I can't remember who
my father wanted to kill.

And I don't know
if he ever did it.

(SIGHS) You've changed, you
need to top up your tan
and your roots are showing,

you're letting yourself go.

Do you ever look in the mirror
and want to see someone else?

No. Do you own
an American car?

-I'm sorry?
-No, not American.

Left hand drive.
That's what I mean.

No. Why do you ask?

Not sure actually. Probably
just noticed something.

Are you okay?

Of course, you don't own
a car. You don't need one.
Do you? Living in isolation.

No human contact. No visitors.

Okay, how do you know that?

It's all here, isn't it? Look.

Cost cutting is clearly
a priority for you

look at the size of your
kitchen, teeny-tiny.

Must be a bit annoying when
you're such a keen cook.

I don't understand.

Hang on a minute. I was
looking out of the window.
Why was I doing that?

-I don't know.
-Me neither.
Must've had a reason.

It'll come back to me.

Presumably, you downsized
when you left your job.

And maybe when
you ended your relationship.

-You can't know that.
-Of course I can.

There wasn't anything physical
going on, was there?

Quite some time, in fact.

There, see, it's obvious.

You can't tell things like
that from a piece of paper.

Think I just did, didn't I?
I'm sure that was me. (SNIFFS)

-How?
-Dunno.

Sort of happens.

Like a reflex,
I can't stop it.

Coat.

-I don't have a coat.
-Yes, well I just noticed,
I wonder why.

-Are you talking to her?
-Piss off! (SLAMS DOOR)

-So, what do you think?
-Of what?

-My case.
-Oh, it's way too weird
for me.

Go to the police.
They're really excellent
at dealing with this...

complicated sort of stuff.
Tell them I sent you.

That ought to get a reaction.
Night-night.

Please. I have no one
else to turn to.

Yes, but I'm very busy
at the moment.
I have to drink a cup of tea.

(BUBBLING)

This cup of tea...

-Code?
-It's a cup of tea.

Because you might
prefer some coffee.

You're my last hope.

Really, that's bad
luck, isn't it?
Good night. Go away.

What's bad luck?

Stop talking. It makes me
aware of your existence.

I've always had bad luck.

-It's congenital...
-Handbag.

That's not rude. Congenital.
It just means...

Handbag.

Stop! Wait!

Your life is not your own.
Keep your hands off it.
Do you hear me?

Off it. Off it!

Sorry. What?

What are you talking about?

-Your skirt.
-My skirt?

Look at the hem of it!
That's what I noticed. Sorry.

I'm still catching up with
my brain. It's terribly fast.

Those markings,
do you see them?

You only get marks
like that by trapping
the hem of your skirt

in a car door,
but they're on
the left hand side,

so you weren't
driving. You were in
the passenger seat.

I came in a taxi.

There is no taxi waiting
in the street outside.

That's what I checked when
I went to the window.

And you've got
all the way to the door

and not made any move
to phone for one,
and look at you.

You didn't even bring
a coat, in this rain?

Now, that might mean
nothing, except

the angle of the scars
on your left forearm,

you know, under that sleeve
you keep pulling down.

-You never saw them.
-No, I didn't. So thank you
for confirming my hypothesis.

I don't really need to check
that the angles are consistent

with self-harm, do I?

-No.
-Then you can keep your scars.

I want to see your handbag.

Why?

It's too heavy.

You said I was your last hope,
and now you're going out
into the night

with no plan on
how you're getting home.

And a gun.

-(SNIFFS)
-(CANE CLACKING)

-Chips.
-Chips?

(SIGHS) You're suicidal.
You're allowed chips.

Trust me.
It's about the only perk.

Sherlock!

Are you going out?

I think I remember the way.
It's through there, isn't it.

Oh, you're in a state!
Look at you!

Yeah, well, I've got
a friend with me, so...

-What friend?
-Bye.

Oh.

SHERLOCK: Come on.

I'm Culverton Smith,
and this election year,
I'll be voting...

For God's sake, I was talking
to the Prime Minister.

I'm sorry Mr Holmes.
It's your brother.

He's left his flat.

Was it on fire?

SMITH: Even when
I'm on the road
I still like quality food.

SHERLOCK: You see the fold
in the middle?

For the first few months,
you kept this hidden.

Folded inside a book.

Must have been a tightly
packed shelf,

going by the severity
of the crease.

So, obviously you were keeping
it hidden from someone

living in the same house,
at the level of intimacy

where privacy
could not be assumed.

Conclusion? Relationship.

Not any more, though.
There's a pin prick
at the top of the paper.

The past few months,
it's been on open
display on a wall.

Conclusion?
Relationship is over.

The paper has been exposed
to steam and a variety
of cooking smells.

So, it must have been
on display in the kitchen.

(SNIFFS)

Lots of different spices.
You're suicidal, alone and
strapped for cash.

Yet, you're still cooking
to impress.

You're keen, and kitchen
is the most public room
in any house.

And since any visitor
could be expected to ask
about a note like this,

I have to assume
you don't have any.

You've isolated yourself.

-Amazing.
-I know.

I meant the chips.

(CHUCKLES)

Hmm.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

Let's go for a walk.

(BEEPING)

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

You should answer it.

It's Mycroft.

Might be about Sherlock.

Of course it's about Sherlock.
Everything's about Sherlock.

FAITH: How did you know
my kitchen was tiny?

The fading pattern
on the paper. It's not much,

but it's enough to know
your kitchen window
faces east. Now.

Kitchen notice boards.

By instinct,
we place them at eye level,
where there's natural light.

Now look.
The sun's only struck
the bottom two-thirds,

but the line is straight.
So, that means we know
paper is facing the window.

But, because the top section
is unaffected,

we know the sunlight
can only be entering
the room at a steep angle.

If the sunlight
was able to penetrate the room

when the sun
was lower in the sky,

then the paper
would be equally faded.

Top to bottom, but no.

It only makes it when the sun
is at its zenith.

So, I'm betting that you live
in a narrow street,
on the ground floor.

Now, if steeply angled
sunlight manages to hit

eye level on the wall
opposite the window,

then what do we know
about the room?

The room's small.

(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

-Oh, big brother
is watching you.
-Literally.

We can keep tabs.
You didn't have to come in.

I was talking to
the Prime Minister.

Oh, I see.

What's he doing?

Why is he just wandering
about like a fool?

She died, Mycroft.

He's probably still in shock.

Everybody dies.

That's the one thing
human beings
can be relied upon to do.

How can it still come
as a surprise to people?

You sound cross.

Am I going to be taken
away by security again?

I have, I think,
apologised extensively.

You haven't made it up to me.

And how am I supposed
to do that?

-FAITH: Sex.
-I'm sorry.

Sex. How did you know

I wasn't getting any?

It's all about the blood.
This one comes from
the very first night.

You can see the
pen marks over it.

I think you discovered the
pains stimulated your memory
so you tried it again later.

I'm no expert,
but I assume that since
your lover failed to notice

an increasing number of scars
over a period of months,

that the relationship
was no longer intimate.

How do you know
he didn't notice?

Oh, well, 'cause he would
have done something about it.

-Would he?
-Wouldn't he?
Isn't that what you people do?

-Well that's interesting.
-What is?

-The way you think.
-Superbly.

-Sweetly.
-I'm not sweet.
I'm just high.

This way.

-But we just came that way.
-I know, it's a plan.

What plan?

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-What is it? What now?

Sorry, um, traced
his route to the map...

Is he with someone?

Not sure.
We keep losing visual.

Mostly, we're tracking
his phone.

Don't call us. We'll call...

I'm trying to sleep. Can you
stop ringing my damn phone?

MYCROFT: Sherlock has left his
flat. First time in a week.

-So I'm having him tracked.
-JOHN: Nice.

That's very touching
how you can hijack

the machinery
of the state to look
after your own family.

Can I go to sleep now?

Sherlock gone rogue
is a legitimate
security concern.

The fact that I'm his brother
changes absolutely nothing.

It didn't the last time,
and I assure you it won't...

With Sherlock.

Sorry, what?

Please phone me if he
gets in contact. Thank you.

(MOBILE BEEPS)

Do you still
speak to Sherrinford?

-I get regular updates.
-And?

Sherrinford is secure.

-Are we gonna walk all night?
-Possibly.

It's a long word.

-What is?
-Bollocks.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Culverton Smith,
all this charity work.
What's in it for you?

We must be careful
not to burn our bridges.

SHERLOCK: Do you know why
I'm gonna take your case?

Because of the one
impossible thing you said.

FAITH: What impossible thing?

You said your life
turned on one word.

Yes.

The name of the person
my father wanted to kill.

That's the impossible thing.

-Just that right there.
-What's impossible?

Names are not one word.
They're always at least two.

Sherlock Holmes. Faith Smith.

Santa Claus.
Winston Churchill.

Napoleon Bonaparte. Actually,
just Napoleon would do.

Or Elvis?

Look, I think we can rule
both of them out as targets.

Okay, I got it wrong then.
It wasn't on one word.
It can't have been.

Did you remember
quite distinctly

that your whole life
turned on one word?

So, that happened,
I don't doubt it, but how can
that word be a name?

A name you instantly recognise
that tore your world apart.

Okay, well, how?

No idea yet.

But I don't work for free.

You take cash?

Not cash, no.

Taking your own life.

Interesting expression.
Taking it from who?

Once it's over,
it's not you who'll miss it.

(GUNSHOT)

You know, death,
it's something that happens
to everybody else.

Your life is not your own.
Keep your hands off it.

You're not
what I expected, you're...

(GROANS)

-What? What am I?
-Nicer.

-Than who?
-Anyone.

(SCREAMING)

CHILD'S VOICE: * My little
master, who will find me... *

(GASPS)

Sorry, I...

Faith? Faith!

SHERLOCK: You said your life
turned on one word.

A name can't be one word.

If you were to come round
asking after him, that he'd
rather have anyone but you.

Anyone.

FAITH: You're not
what I expected.
SHERLOCK: What? What am I?

-Nicer.
-Than who?

Anyone.

Don't think anyone else
is going to save him,
because there isn't anyone.

FEMALE VOICES: Anyone, anyone,
anyone, anyone, anyone .

I have a situation.
Needs to be managed.

There's only one way
that I can solve it.

FAITH: And what's that?

SMITH: I need to kill someone.

FAITH: Who?

Who?

Anyone.

-(LAUGHING)
-Of course.

He doesn't want to kill
one person.
He wants to kill anyone.

He's a serial killer.

Anyone.

-It could be...
-Anyone.

Why not?

Why shouldn't he be?

(CARS HONKING)

-What is wrong?
-What's the matter with you?

Do you know where you are?
Are you drunk?

-Shezzer.
-What are you doing here?

What were you doing in the
middle of a bloody street?

-You should be
at Baker Street.
-I am. So are you.

They found your address.
They brought you here.

You've had too much.
And that's me saying it.

Kill.

Sherlock...

-Anyone.
-FAITH: Anyone.

They're always poor,
and lonely, and strange.

-But those are only
the ones we catch.
-Who do we catch?

Serial killers.

But if you are rich,
and powerful, and necessary...

SMITH: Anyone.

What if you had
the compulsion to kill
and money? What then?

-(TYRES SCREECHING)
-(SIRENS WAILING)

(ODE TO JOY PLAYING
FROM CAR RADIO)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Well now.

Won't you introduce me?

-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
-Ah!

Right, you there!
Stop right where you are!

-Oh, John.
-Mrs Hudson.

Do you have any idea what
speed you were going at?

Of course, not.
I was on the phone.

-Oh, it's for you, by the way.
-For me?

It's the government.

-WATSON: The what? What's
going on? What's wrong?
-Hello?

MYCROFT: My name
is Mycroft Holmes.
I'm speaking from the Cabinet.

-What's happened?
-It's Sherlock.

You've no idea
what I've been through.

-(CLANGING)
-(MEN SHOUTING)

I'm out of here. He's lost it.

He's totally gone!

"Once more unto the breach
dear friends, once more!

"Or close the wall up
with our English dead

"Set the teeth and stretch
the nostril wide.
Hold hard the breath

"and build up every spirit
to his full height

"On! On, you noblest English
whose blood is fet from
fathers, from war-proof!

"And you, good yeoman,
whose limbs were made
in England, show us

"Here the mettle
of your pasture!

"I doubt not, for there is
none of you here
so mean and base

"that hath not noble
luster in your eyes!

"I see you standing
like greyhounds in the slips
straining upon the start!"

(GUN FIRING)

(PANTING) "The game's afoot."

Oh, hello.

Can I have a cup of tea?

-(DOOR SLAMMING)
-Did you call the police?

Of course I didn't
call the police.
I'm not a civilian.

These pictures.
They're that man
on the telly, aren't they?

-What pictures?
-They're everywhere.

Oh, these pictures?
Oh, you can see them too!
That's good.

Culverton Smith, This I think
is relevant from this morning.

He's publicly accused Mr Smith
of being a serial killer.

Christ. Sherlock on Twitter.
He really has lost it.

Don't you dare make jokes.
Don't you dare!
I was terrified.

A cup of tea!

Oh, for goodness' sakes!
What's the matter with you?

Are you having an earthquake?

-You need to see him, John.
You need to help him!
-Nope.

He needs you!

Somebody else.

Not me. Not now.

Now, you just listen to me
for once in your stupid life.

I know Mary's dead and I know
your heart is broken.

But if Sherlock Holmes dies
too, who'll you have then?

Because I'll tell you
something, John Watson.

You will not have me.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SOBBING)

Have you spoken to Mycroft,
Molly, anyone?

They don't matter, you do.

Would you just see him,
please, John?

Or just take a look at him
as a doctor.

I know you'd change your mind
if you did.

Yeah, look. Okay.
Maybe, if I get a chance.

-Do you promise?
-I'll try if I'm in the area.

Promise me?

-I promise.
-Thank you.

Well? On you go.

Examine him.

Right then, mister.
Now I need your handcuffs.

I happen to know
there's a pair
in the salad drawer.

I've borrowed them before.

Oh, get over yourself.

You're not my first
smack-head, Sherlock Holmes.

That woman's out of control.
I asked for a cup of tea.

-How did you get him
in the boot?
-The boys from the cafe.

They dropped me. Twice!

And you know why
they dropped you, dear?

Because they know you.

Who's this one?

Is this a new person?
I'm against new people.

Excuse me for a moment.

WATSON: She's my therapist.

Awesome. Do you do
block bookings?

Whose car is that?

-That's my car.
-How can that be your car?

Oh, for God's sake!

I'm the widow
of a drug dealer.

I own property
in Central London.

And for the last
bloody time, John,

I'm not your housekeeper.

I'm so sorry.
I answered your phone,
you were busy.

I think you'll want
to take it.

-Uh, yes, hello?
-Is this Dr John Watson?

Yeah, who's this?

Culverton Smith.
You've probably heard of me.

Uh, well, yes.

Get me a fresh glass
of water, please.
This one's filthy.

I mean, I'm aware of
this morning's developments.

Yes, I'm sure
he was being hilarious.

Sorry, did you say
all still meeting?

You, me and Mr Holmes.

I sent a car.
It should be outside.

Mr Holmes gave me an address.

Well, he couldn't have
given you this one...

(DOORBELL RINGS)

When you're ready.

When did Sherlock
give you this address?

-Two weeks ago.
-Two weeks?

Yes. Two weeks.

(MOBILE BEEPS)

How did you know
where to find me?

Oh, Sherlock told me.

He's not so difficult
when you've got a gun on him.

How did you know? How?

On Monday, I decided
to get a new therapist.

Tuesday afternoon,
I chose her.

Wednesday morning,
I booked today's session.
Now, today is Friday.

So two weeks ago, two weeks,

before you were abducted
at gunpoint, and brought here
against your will

over a week before I even
thought of coming here,

you knew exactly
where you need to be
picked up for lunch?

Really?

I correctly anticipated the
responses of people I know
well to scenarios I devised.

-Can't everyone do that?
-How?

Except the boot.
The boot was mean.

Never mind how.
He's dying to tell us that.
I want to know why.

Because Mrs Hudson's right.

I'm burning up.

I'm at the bottom of a pit
and I'm still falling,
and I'm never climbing out.

I need you to know, John.
I need you to see that up here

I've still got it.

So, when I tell you that
this is the most dangerous,

the most despicable
human being that I have
ever encountered.

When I tell you that
this monster must be ended.

Please remember
where you're standing

because you're standing
exactly where I said
you would be two weeks ago.

I'm a mess, I'm in hell,
but I am not wrong,
not about him.

So what has all this
got to do with me?

That creature,
that rotting thing

is a living, breathing
coagulation of human evil.

If the only thing
I ever do in this world
is drive him out of it,

then my life will not
have been wasted.

Look at me.

Can't do it. Not now.

Not alone.

Uh...

(SIGHS)

Yeah, well, they're real
enough, I suppose.

Why would I be faking?

Because you're a liar.
You lie all the time,
it's like your mission.

I have been many things, John,
but when have I ever
been a malingerer?

You pretended to be dead
for two years!

-Apart from that.
-Listen, before I do anything,

I need to know
what state you're in.

Well, you're a doctor.
Examine me.

No, I need a second opinion.

(SIGHS) John, calm down.

When have you ever managed
two opinions? You'd fall over.

I need the one person who,
unlike me, learnt to see

through your
bullshit long ago.

Who's that, then? I'm sure
I would have noticed.

The last person
you'd think of.

I want you to be examined
by Molly Hooper.

Do you hear me?
I said Molly Hooper.

You're really
not gonna like this.

-Like what?
-(DOORBELL RINGS)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Oh. Hello. Is, er...

I'm sorry.
Sherlock asked me to come.

What, two weeks ago?

Yeah, about two weeks.

-If you'd like to know how
I predict the future...
-No, I don't care how.

Okay. Fully equipped
ambulance. Molly can examine
me on the way to save time.

-Ready to go, Molly?
Just tell me when to cough.
-Oh, well...

-Hope you remembered my coat.
-(STAMMERS)

Sorry. I didn't know
that you were gonna be here.

-I have absolutely no idea
what's going on.
-Sherlock's using again.

Oh, God. Well, um...

-Are you sure?
-No, it's Sherlock.
Of course I'm not sure.

Just check him out.

Is Molly the right person
to be doing medicals?

She's more used
to dead people.

It's bound to lower
your standards.

I don't know. I don't know
anything any more.

-Oh...
-Mrs Hudson. As ever,
you are amazing.

No. You're going to have to
buck up a bit, John.

You know that, don't you?

The game is on.

I'll do my best.

Anything you need.

Anytime. Just ask.
Anything at all.

Thank you.

Uh... Sometimes,
can I borrow your car?

-No.
-Okay.

He knew you'd get
a new therapist after I died

because you'd need
to change everything.

That's just what you're like.

Thanks.

You keep
your weekends for Rosie

so you needed to see someone
during working hours.

Because you're an idiot,
you don't want
anyone at the surgery

knowing you're in therapy,
so that restricts you

to lunchtime sessions
with someone reasonably close.

You found four men
and one woman.

And you are done with
the world being explained
to you by a man.

Who isn't?

So all he needed to do was
find the first available
lunchtime appointment

with a female therapist
within cycling distance
of your surgery.

-My God, he knows you.
-No, he doesn't.

I'm in your head, John.
You're disagreeing
with yourself.

-DRIVER: Are you ready, sir?
-Yes, I am.

He is the cleverest man
in the world
but he's not a monster.

-Yeah, he is.
-Yeah, okay, right. He is.
Ugh. (CHUCKLES)

But he's our monster.

I'm a killer.

You know I'm a killer.

But did you know...

-I'm a...
-Cut that. What was that?
Was that a light?

Uh, was that me?
Was I too good? Huh?

He's here.

Well, how is he?

Basically fine.

I've seen healthier people
on the slab.

Yeah, but to be fair,
you work with murder victims.
They tend to be quite young.

-Not funny.
-A little bit funny.

If you keep taking
what you're taking
at the rate you're taking it,

you've got weeks.

Exactly. Weeks.
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.

For Christ's sake, Sherlock!
It's not a game.

I'm worried about you, Molly.
You seem very stressed.

MOLLY: I'm stressed.
You're dying.

Yeah, well, I'm ahead then.
Stress can ruin every day
of your life.

-Dying can only ruin one.
-So this is real.

You've really lost it.
You're actually
out of control.

-When have I ever been that?
-Since the day I met you.

Clever boy. Missed you
fumbling around the place.

-Thought this was
some kind of...
-What?

Trick.

Course it's not a trick.
It's a plan.

SMITH: Mr Holmes?

Thirty feet and closing,
the most significant
undetected serial killer

in British criminal history.
Help me bring him down.

-What, what plan?
-I'm not telling you.

-Why not?
-'Cause you won't like it.

Mr Holmes.

I don't do handshakes.

-It'll have to be a hug.
-I know.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, Sherlock.

Oh, Sherlock.

What can I say?
Thanks to you, we're, uh,
we're everywhere.

Mr Holmes, how did Culverton
talk you into this?

Well, he, he's a detective.

Maybe I just confessed.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

Come on.

Now, it's uh...

It's a new kind
of breakfast cereal...

REPORTER: Mr Holmes,
can you put on the hat?

Yeah, he doesn't really
wear the hat.

Kids will be getting
two of their five-a-day
before they've even left home.

Sherlock's been amazing
for us.

Breakfast has got to be cool.

We're beyond viral.

You know what makes it cool
when you're a kid?

SHERLOCK: What? Sorry?
Beyond what?

SMITH: Dangerous.

And action!

I'm a killer.

You know I'm a killer.

But did you know...
I'm a cereal killer?

Mmm.

And cut there. Thank you.

You should bag that up.
Sell it.

Make money from that on eBay.

You can make more,
if you like. Anytime you like.

Has it occurred to you,

anywhere in your
drug-addled brain,
that you've just been played?

Oh, yes.

-For an ad campaign.
-Brilliant, isn't it?

Brilliant?

Safest place to hide.

Plain sight.

Mr Holmes.

Culverton wants to know
if you're okay going
straight to the hospital.

-(SCOFFS) Hospital?
-Culverton's doing a visit.

The kids would love
to meet you both.

I think he's sort of promised.

Oh, okay.

If you'd just like
to come this way.

So.

What are we doing here?
What's the point?

I needed a hug.

What do you think, Mr Holmes?

Cereal killer.

It's funny 'cause it's true.

See you at the hospital.

Oh, you can
have this back now.

-Have what back?
-Thanks for the hug.

Oh, I sent and deleted a text.
You might get a reply
but I doubt it.

-It's password protected.
-Please.

(CHUCKLES) We're going to
have endless fun,
Mr Holmes. Aren't we?

No.

No, not endless.

Need another hit, do you?

It can wait until
the hospital.

You involved, much?

Sorry?

Um, with Mr Holmes,
Sherlock, and all his cases.

Yeah, I'm John Watson.

Okay.

Dr Watson.

-I love his blog. Don't you?
-His blog?

-Don't you read it?
-You mean my blog?

Say what you like
about addiction, the day
is full of highlights.

Oh, Mr Holmes,
you're feeling better.

Psychedelic.

I was just saying
I love your blog.

-Great...
-It's my blog.

It is. He writes the blog.

-It's yours?
-Yes.

-You write Sherlock's blog?
-Yes.

It's gone downhill a bit,
hasn't it?

It's this way, then.

(APPLAUDING)

Oh, my God. I love your blog.

You're welcome.

Right. Here he comes.
The internet tech.

You all know Sherlock Holmes.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Oh, and Dr Watson, of course.

(WEAKER APPLAUSE)

Mr Holmes, I was wondering.
Well, we all were, weren't we?

Maybe you could tell us
about some of your cases.

-No.
-Yes.

Yes! Absolutely, yes!

The main feature
of interest in the field
of criminal investigation

is not the sensational aspects
of the crime itself

but rather, the iron chain
of reasoning from
cause to effect,

that reveals, step-by-step,
the solution.

That's the only truly
remarkable aspect
of the entire affair.

Now, I will share with you
the facts and evidence,
as they were available to me.

And in this very room,

you will all attempt to solve
the case of Blessington,
the poisoner.

I think you slightly
gave away the ending.

-There were five
main suspects.
-One called Blessington.

It's more about how he did it.

-Poison?
-Okay.

(LAUGHING)

Drearcliff House.
Remember that one, John?
(EXHALES) One murder.

-Ten suspects.
-Ten. Yeah.

-All of them guilty.
-Sherlock.

(STAMMERS) And what do you
call that one, John?

Um, something to do
with murder at the zoo.

Yeah, I called it
"Murder at the zoo."

Or was it the case of
the killer orangutan?

MARY: He should be
wearing the hat.

The kids would love the hat.

-So, any more questions?
-CHILDREN: No.

-BOY: I don't think so.
-No?

-SMITH: Mr Holmes...
-Good, then I'll...

How do you capture
a serial killer?

Same way you catch
any other killer.

No, no. But most killers
kill someone they know.

You're looking for a murderer
in a tiny social grouping.

Um, Mr Smith.
Um, I'm just, uh, wondering

maybe this isn't
a suitable subject
for the children.

Nurse Cornish.

-How long have you been
with us now?
-Seven years.

Seven years.

Okay.

Serial killers choose
their victims at random.

Surely that must
make it more difficult.

Some of them advertise.

Do they really?

Serial killing is an
expression of power, ego.

A signature
in human destruction.

Ultimately, for full
satisfaction, it requires
plain sight.

Additionally, serial killers
are easily profiled.

They tend to be
social outcasts.

-Educationally sub-normal.
-SMITH: No, no, no, no, no.

You're just talking about
the ones you know.
The ones you've caught.

But, hello, dummy.
You only catch the dumb ones.

Now, imagine if the Queen
wanted to kill some people.
What would happen then?

All that power,
all that money,

sweet little government,
dancing attendants.

A whole country,
just to keep her warm and fat.

Hmm.

We all love
the Queen, don't we?

And I bet she'd
love you lot...

It's all right, everyone.
I can personally assure you

that Sherlock Holmes is not
about to arrest the Queen.

Well, of course not.

Not Her Majesty.

Money. Power. Fame.

Some things
make you untouchable.

God save the Queen!

She could open
a slaughterhouse

and we'd all probably
pay the entrance fee.

No one's untouchable.

SMITH: No one?

Look at you all.

So gloomy.
Can't you take a joke?
(LAUGHS) The Queen.

If the Queen was a serial
killer, I'd be the first
person she'd tell.

We have that kind
of friendship.

A big round of applause
for Sherlock Holmes
and Dr Watson.

-(CLAPPING) Come on.
-(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Wonderful.

Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you.

-Where are we going now?
-I want to show you
my favourite room.

No, let's go in here.

So have you had another one
of your little meetings?

Oh, it's just
a monthly top-up.

Confession is good
for the soul.

-Provided you can delete it.
-What's TD 12?

It's a memory inhibitor.

Bliss.

Bliss?

Opt-in ignorance.

Makes the world go round.

Anyone ever opt to remember?

Some people take the drip out.
Yes, some people
have the same urges.

Now, come on. Wasting time.

Indeed you have,
I estimate, 20 minutes left.

-Sorry?
-I sent a text from
your phone, remember?

It was read almost
immediately, factoring in
a degree of shock,

and emotional decision,
and a journey time based on
the associated address.

I'd say that your life
as you know it
has 20 minutes left to run.

Well, no. 17 and a half,
to be precise, but I rounded
up for dramatic effect.

So please do show us
your favourite room.

It'll give you a chance
to say good-bye.

(CHUCKLES)

Come along.

MARY: The game is on.

Do you still miss me?

Speaking of serial killers,
you know who's my favourite?

Other than yourself?

(CHUCKLES) H.H. Holmes.

Relative of yours?

Not as far as I know.

You should check.

What an idiot.

Everyone out.

Mr Smith, we're actually
in the middle of something.

Saheed, isn't it?

Saheed. Yes.

-How long have you been
working here now?
-Four years.

Four years.

Well, that's a long time,
isn't it?

Four years.

Okay, everyone.

-Five minutes?
-Come back in ten.

Saheed.

This time, knock.

How can you do that?
How... How are you
even allowed in here?

Oh, I can go anywhere I like.

(KEYS JINGLING)

Anywhere at all.

They gave you keys?

They presented them to me.

There was a ceremony.

You can watch that on YouTube.
The Home Secretary was there.

So, your favourite room.
The mortuary.

What do you think?

Tough crowd.

Oh, I don't know.

You know, I've always
found them quite pliable.

Don't do that.

She's fine.

She's dead.

H.H. Holmes loved the dead.

He mass-produced them.

Serial killer, active
during the Chicago Fair.

You know what he did?

He built a hotel,
a special hotel,
just to kill people.

You know, with a hanging room,
gas chamber,
specially adapted furnace.

You know, like Sweeney Todd.

"Without the pies."

Stupid.

So stupid.

Why stupid?

Well, all that effort.

You don't build a beach
if you want to hide a pebble.
You just find a beach and...

If you wanna hide a murder,
you wanna hide
lots and lots of murders,

just find a...

hospital.

Can we be clear?
Are you confessing?

To what?

The way you're talking.

Oh, sorry.

Yes.

You mean, am I
a serial killer?

Or am I just trying to mess
with your funny little head?

Well, it's true.

I do like to mess with people,
and yes, I am a bit creepy
but that's just my USP.

I use it to sell
breakfast cereal.

But am I what he says I am?

Is that what you're asking?

-Yes.
-Hmm.

Well. Let me ask you this.

-Are you really a doctor?
-Yeah, of course I am.

Oh. Well, no,
a medical doctor,

you know, not just feet or
media studies or something.

I'm a doctor.

Are you serious?

No, really.

Are you?

Are you, are you
actually serious?

I've played along
with this joke.

It's not funny any more.

You know, look at him.

Go ahead, look at him,
Dr Watson. Hmm?

Oh no, I'll lay it
out for you.

There are two
possible explanations
for what's going on here.

Either I'm a serial killer,

or Sherlock Holmes is
off his tits on drugs. Hmm?

Delusional paranoia
about a public personality.

That's not so special.
It's not even new.

I think you need to tell
your faithful little friend

how you're wasting his time
because you're too high

to know what's real any more.

I apologise.

(STAMMERS) I miscalculated.

I forgot to
factor in the traffic.

Nineteen and a half minutes.
(CLEARS THROAT)

(DOOR OPENING)

Ah, the footsteps
you're about to hear
will be very familiar to you,

not least because there'll be
three impacts rather than two.

The third of course, will be
the end of a walking cane.

Your daughter Faith's
walking cane.

Why would she be here?

You invited her.

You sent her a text.
Or, or, or,

technically I sent her a text,
but she's not to know.

Um, let's see if I can recall.

"Faith, I can
stand it no longer.

"I've confessed to my crimes.

"Please forgive me."

How would that
have any effect?

You don't know her.

Oh, but I do.

I spent a whole evening
with her.

We had chips.

I think she liked me.

You don't know Faith.
You simply do not.

I know you care
about her deeply.

I know you invited her
to one of your special
board meetings.

You care what she thinks.

(CHUCKLING) You maintain
an impressive facade.

I think it's about to break.

Did you know?

-She came to Baker Street.
-No, she didn't.

Of course I didn't.

She came to see me

because she was scared
of her daddy.

Never happened.
Is this another one of your
drug-fuelled fantasies?

-You didn't you see him
take the scalpel?
-Nobody saw it.

-So you didn't know
what was about to happen?
-Of course I didn't know.

Well, let's see, shall we?

Faith, stop loitering
at the door and come in.

This is your father's
favourite room.

Come and meet
his best friends.

FAITH: Dad? What's happening?

What was that text?

Another one
of your jokes? (CHUCKLES)

Who are you?

Who the hell are you?

Sherlock Holmes.
Surely you recognise him.

Oh, my God.

Sherlock Holmes?

I love your blog.

(SIGHS) You're not her.
You're not the woman
who came to Baker Street.

Erm, well, no.
Never been there.

Well, there must've been
some build-up.
He didn't just suddenly do it.

Look, I didn't know
he had the bloody scalpel.

Sorry, I'm not sure
I completely understand.

-Understand what?
-But I thought you two
were, were old friends!

No, we've never met.

Oh, dear! (LAUGHS)

-Have we?
-(SMITH LAUGHS)

Sherlock?

So who came to my flat?

-Well, it wasn't me.
-(LAUGHING)

You look different.

-I wasn't there.
-(LAUGHS)

Who came to my flat?

I'm sorry, Mr Holmes, but...

I don't think I've ever been
anywhere near your flat.

(LAUGHS) Oh, dear. Oh, no.

Who you talking to?

-What friend?
-Anyone.

(LAUGHING) Oh, no!

Faith?

(PANTING) Oh God. Come on.

(SMITH LAUGHING)

Sherlock.

Sherlock, you all right?
Sherlock, you okay?

-Watch him. He's got a knife.
-Got a what?

Got a scalpel. You picked
it up from that table.
I saw you take it.

I certainly did not!

Look behind his back!

-Look. (LAUGHS)
-I saw you take it! I saw you!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Sherlock, put that down.

-FAITH: Oh my God. My God!
-Put it down.

(SMITH LAUGHING)

-Stop laughing at me.
-I'm not laughing.

-He's not laughing, Sherlock.
-Stop laughing at me!

-Sherlock!
-(SCREAMS)

(GROANS) Christ.

I keep wondering if we
should've seen it coming.

Not long ago, he shot
Charles Magnussen in the face.

We did see it coming.
We always saw it coming.

-But it was fun.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

-Come in.
-WOMAN: Sir.

You probably wanna see this.

NEWSREADER: Harold Chorley
reporting earlier today.

Mr Smith stated he had
no interest in
bringing charges.

I'm a fan of Sherlock Holmes,
I'm a big fan.

I don't really know what
happened today. To be honest,

I don't think I'd be
standing here now
if it wasn't for Dr Watson.

-Stop laughing at me!
-(WHIMPERING)

Sherlock!

Stop it! Stop it now!

REPORTER: Is it true he's
been treated in your hospital?

It's not actually my hospital.
Well, it is a little bit
my hospital.

But I can promise you this.
He's going to get
the best of care.

I might even move him
to my favourite room.

NEWSREADER: Culverton Smith,
earlier today.

In Nottingham...

He's right you know,
you probably saved his life.

What are you doing? Wake up!

I really hit him, Greg.
Hit him hard.

(GRUNTING)

WATSON: Is this a game?
A bloody game.

(GRUNTING)

Please, please, please,
no violence.

Thank you, Dr Watson.

I don't think he's
a danger any more.

Leave him be.

No.

It's okay.

Let him do what he wants.

He's entitled.

I killed his wife.

Yes, you did.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Oh, hi.

Just in to say hello?

No, I'm just in
to say goodbye.

I'm sure he'll pull through.

Yeah, he's made a terrible
mess of himself,

but, he's awfully strong,
so, we must look
on the bright side.

Well... (CLEARS THROAT)

Parting gift.

Aww, that's nice.

A walking stick.

Yeah, it was mine from
a long time ago.

-(PHONE RINGING)
-(CLEARS THROAT)

Hello? Ward 73.

Oh, uh, Dr Watson...

Hmm?

It's for you.

Hello, Mycroft.

MYCROFT: There's a car
downstairs.

You know he should
definitely have worn the hat.

Still thinking
about Sherlock?

No, you are.

You've got your
disapproving face on.

Well, seeing as I'm inside
your head, I think we can
call that self-loathing.

Where is she?
Where is Mrs Hudson?

She'll be up in a moment.

-Uh, what are you doing?
-Sorry...

Have you noticed the kitchen?
It's practically a meth lab.

I'm trying to establish
exactly what drove Sherlock
off the rails, any ideas?

Are these spooks?

Are you using spooks now,
to look after your family.

Hang on, are they tidying?

Sherlock is a
security concern.

The fact that I'm his
brother changes nothing.

-Yeah you said that before.
-Ask him.

Why fixate on Culverton Smith?

He's had his obsessions
before, of course.

But this goes a
bit further than

setting a man trap
for Father Christmas.

Do it. Ask him.

Spending all night talking to
a woman who wasn't even there.

-Oh shut up, you.
-Mycroft, last time when
we were on the phone...

No, no, no, stop.
I detest conversation
in the past tense.

You said the fact that
you're his brother
made no difference.

It doesn't.

You said it didn't
the last time, and it wouldn't
with Sherlock.

-So who was it the last time?
Who are you talking about?
-Atta boy.

Nobody.

I misspoke.

-He's lying.
-You're lying.

I assure you I'm not.

MARY: He really is lying.

Sherlock's not
your only brother.

There's another
one, isn't there?

-No.
-(LAUGHING) Jesus.

A secret brother.
What, is he locked up in
a tower or something?

Mycroft Holmes.

What are these dreadful
people doing in my house?

Mrs Hudson I apologise
for the interruption.

As you know, my brother
has embarked in a
programme of self-destruction,

remarkable even by his
standards,

and I'm endeavouring
to find out what triggered it.

-And that's what
you're looking for?
-Quite so.

What's on his mind?

-So to speak.
-And you've had all this time?

Time being something
of which we don't have
an infinite supply.

So, if we could be
about our business.

(GIGGLING)

You're so funny, you are!

Mrs Hudson?

He thinks you're clever.

Poor old Sherlock.

Always going on about you.

I mean he knows
you're an idiot.

But that's okay, 'cause
you are a lovely doctor.

But he has no idea
what an idiot you are!

Is this merely stream
of consciousness abuse,

or are you attempting
to make a point?

You want to know what's
bothering Sherlock?

Easiest thing in the world.
Anyone can do it.

I know his thoughts processes
better than any
other human being.

So please try to understand.

He's not about thinking.
Not Sherlock.

-Of course he is.
-No. He's more
emotional, isn't he?

Unsolved case,
shoot the wall.
(MAKES SHOOTING SOUNDS)

Unmade breakfast
karate the fridge.

Unanswered questions...

Well, what does he do
with anything he can't answer,
John?

Every time.

He stabs it.

Anything he can't find
the answer for,
bang! It's up there.

I keep telling you, if he was
any good as the detective
I wouldn't need a new mantle.

MARY: If you're
watching this, I'm...

Probably dead.

Okay no, stop that
now, please.

MRS HUDSON: Everybody out now.

All of you!

This is my house,
this is my friend, and
that's his departed wife.

Anyone who stays
here a minute longer

is admitting to me personally,
they do not have

a single spark of
human decency.

Get out of my house.

You reptile.

You've been ages wakin' up.

I watched you.

It was quite
lovely in its way.

Take it easy, it's okay.

I don't want to rush this.

You're Sherlock Holmes.

MARY: I'm giving you
a case, Sherlock.

Might be the hardest
case of your career.

When I'm...

Gone, if I'm gone.

I need you to do
something for me.

Save John Watson.

Save him.

Sherlock...

John, you want to
watch this later?

MARY: Save him.

Don't think anyone else
is going to save him
because there isn't anyone.

It's up to you. Save him.

But I do think
you're going to need
a little help with that,

because you're not
exactly good with people.

So here's a few things
you need to know
about the man we both love.

And more importantly,
what you're going to need
to do to save him.

How did you get in?

Policemen outside, you mean?

Come on, can't you guess?

Secret door.

I built this whole wing.

Kept firing the architect
who built it, so no one

knew quite,
how it all fitted together.

I can slip in and out.

Whenever I like, you know.

When I get the urge.

H.H. Holmes.

Murder castle, but done right.

I have a question for you.

Why you are here?

It's like you walked
into my den and laid down
in front of me.

Why?

You know why I'm here.

I'd like to hear you say it.

Say it for me please.

I want you to kill me.

John.

My car.

Increase the dosage
four, five times,
the toxic shock

should shut me down,
within about an hour.

Then I'll restore
the settings.

Everyone assumes
that it was a fault, or...

-You just gave up the ghost.
-Yes.

You are good at this.

Before we start,
tell me how you feel.

I...

-I feel scared.
-(CHUCKLES)

Be more specific.

You only get to do
this the once.

Scared of dying.

You wanted this though.

I have reasons.

But you don't
actually want to die.

No.

Good.

Say that for me.

-Say it.
-I don't want to die.

And again.

I don't want to die.

Once more for luck.

I don't want to die.

I don't...

I don't want to die.

Lovely.

Here it comes.

WATSON: Please, I don't
think he's safe.

LESTRADE: No, he's fine,
Got a man on the door.
What do you think's happened?

I don't know, something.
Mary left a message.

What message?

John Watson,

never accepts help,
not from anyone.

Not ever, but here's the thing
he never refuses it.

So, here's is what
you are going to do.

So tell me, why
are we doing this?

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I wanted to hear
your confession.

Needed to know I was right.

Why do you need to die?

The mortuary,

your favourite room.

You talk to the dead.

You make your
confession to them.

I'm sorry, sir, what?
What do you mean?

-(DOOR RATTLES)
-I think the door is jammed.

Oh, has that door
locked itself again?

Yeah, it's always doing that.

You can't save John,
because he won't let you.

He won't allow
himself to be saved.

The only way to save John,

is to make him save you.

Why do you do it?

Why do I kill?

It's not about hatred
or revenge.

I'm not a dark person.

Killing human beings...

(CHUCKLES)

It just makes me...

Ah. Incredibly happy.

You know, in films when
you see dead people,

pretending to be dead,
and it's just living people
lying down?

That's not what
dead people are like.

Dead people

look like things.

I like to make people
into things.

Then you can own them.

You know what, I'm
getting a little impatient.

Take a big breath if you want.

Go to hell, Sherlock.

Go right into hell.

And make it look like
you mean it.

Murder is a very difficult
addiction to manage.

People don't realise how
much work goes into it.

You have to be careful.

But if you're rich,
or and famous and loved,

it's amazing what people
are prepared to ignore.

There's always
someone desperate
about to go missing,

and no one is supposed
to suspect murder if it's
easier to suspect

something else.

I just have to ration
myself, choose the right
heart to stop.

Go and pick a fight
with a bad guy, put yourself
in harm's way.

(WHISPERING)
Maintain eye contact.

Maintain eye contact.

Maintain eye contact.

I like to watch it happen.

If he thinks you
need him, I swear...

And off we pop.

He will be there.

(MONTIOR BEEPING FASTER)

-(DOOR SLAMS OPEN)
-(HOLMES INHALING)

Mr Holmes, you okay?

What were you
doing to him? What
were you doing!

-He's in distress,
I'm helping him!
-Restrain him now, do it.

-I was trying to help him!
-Sherlock, what was
he doing to you?

Suffocating me.

-Overdosing me.
-On what?

-Saline.
-Saline?

-Yeah, saline. (MOANS)
-What do you mean, saline?

Well you see, I got Ms Cornish
to switch the bags.

She's a big fan, you know.

Loves my blog.

-You're okay?
-No of course I'm not okay.

Malnourished, double
kidney failure,

and frankly, I've been
off my tits for weeks.

What kind of doctor are you?

(GROANS) I got my confession
though, didn't I?

Well, I didn't recall
making any confession.

(STAMMERING) What would
I be confessing to?

-You can listen to it later.
-Well, there is no
confession to listen to.

Oh, Mr Holmes I don't know
if this is relevant but,

we found three potential
recording devices,
in the pockets of your coat.

All your possessions
were searched. Sorry.

There must be something
comforting about
the number three,

people always
give up after three.

What? What is it? What?

Oh...

-You cock.
-Yeah.

Utter, utter cock.

Heard you the first time.

How does that open?

Screw the top.

-Two weeks ago?
-Three.

I'm that predictable?

No.

(SIGHS)

I'm just a cock.

It's funny.

Never realised confessing
would be so enjoyable.

Should have done it sooner.

We'll carry on tomorrow.

Well, we could carry on now,
I'm not tired.

There's a loads more.

Tomorrow.

You know,
I am gonna be so famous now.

You're already famous.

Yeah, but this...

I could break America.

SHERLOCK: I had of course
several other back up plans.

The trouble is, I couldn't
remember what they were.

And of course I hadn't
been anticipated

that I'd hallucinated
meeting his daughter.

MARY: Basically he trashed
himself on drugs

so that you'll help him,
so that you'd have
something to do,

something doctory,
you get that now,
don't you?

Still a bit troubled
by the daughter.

Did seem very real.

She gave me
information I couldn't have
acquired elsewhere.

But she wasn't ever here?

Interesting, isn't it?
I have theorised before

that if one could attenuate
to every available data stream
in the world simultaneously,

it would be possible
to anticipate and deduce
almost anything.

Hmm.

So you dreamed up a magic
woman who told you things
you didn't know?

That sounds
about right to me.
Possibly I'm biased.

Perhaps the drugs opened
certain doors in my mind.

-I'm intrigued.
-Look, I know you are.

Which is why we're all
taking it in turns to keep
you off the sweeties.

I thought we were
just hanging out.

Molly will be here
in 20 minutes.

Oh, I do think I can
last twenty minutes
without supervision.

Well, if you're sure.

Christ, John, stay, talk.

Um, sorry, it's just, uh,
you know, Rosie.

Yes, of course, Rosie.

Go and solve a crime together,
make him wear the hat.

-You'll be okay for
20 minutes?
-Yes, yes.

Sorry, I wasn't
thinking of Rosie.

-No problem. Listen, uh...
-We should, uh...

I'll come and see you, soon.

Yes.

Actually, he should wear
the hat as a special tribute
to me.

I'm dead.
I would really appreciate it.

Oh, by the way,
the recordings will probably
be inadmissible.

-Sorry what?
-Well, technically
it's entrapment, so...

It might get thrown
out as evidence.
Not that that matters.

Apparently he can't
stop confessing.

-That's good.
-Yeah.

-Are you okay?
-(CHUCKLES)

(STAMMERS) No, I'm not okay.

I'm never gonna be okay.

We just have to
accept that. It is what it is.

And what it is, is...

-Shit.
-John, do better.

You didn't kill Mary.

Mary died saving your life.

It's her choice.

No one made her do it,
no one could ever
make her do anything.

But the point is,

you did not kill her.

In saving my life
she conferred a value on it.

It is a currency I do not
know how to spend.

It is what it is.

I'm tomorrow six till ten,
I'll see you then.

Looking forward to it.

Yeah.

(MOANING COMING FROM MOBILE)

-That noise, that's
a text alert noise.
-What was that?

Hmm? What was what?

That's the text alert of Irene
Adler, she's the scary
mad one, right?

That noise.

What noise?

She's dead. (GASPS)

Oh I bet she isn't dead.
I bet he saved her.

(LAUGHING) Oh, my God!

Oh, the posh boy
loves the dominatrix!

He's never knowingly
under-cliched, is he?

John?

I'm gonna make a deduction.

-Oh okay, that's good.
-And if my deduction is right,

you're gonna be honest
and tell me, okay?

Okay. Though I should
mention that it is possible
for any given text alert

-to become
randomly attached to...
-Happy birthday.

Thank you, John, that's
very kind of you.

Never knew when
your birthday was.

Well, now you do.

-Seriously, we're not
going to talk about this?
-Talk about what?

-I mean, how does it work?
-How does what work?

You and the woman,
do you go to a discreet
Harvester sometimes, is there

-nights of passion
in High Wycombe?
-Oh, for God's sakes.

-I don't text her back.
-(CHUCKLING) Why not?

You bloody moron!

She's out there, she likes
you, and she's alive,

and do you have the first idea
how lucky you are?

Yes she's a lunatic,
she's a criminal, she's
insanely dangerous,

trust you to fall
for a sociopath.

Oh, married an assassin.

But she's, you know...

-What?
-Just text her back.

-Why?
-Because High Wycombe

is better than you
are currently equipped
to understand.

I once caught a triple
poisoner in High Wycombe.

That's only the beginning,
mate.

As I think I've explain to
you many times before,

romantic entanglement,

while fulfilling for
other people...

Would complete you
as a human being.

-That doesn't even
mean anything.
-Just text her.

Phone her, do something
while there's still a chance.

Because that chance
doesn't last forever.

Trust me, Sherlock,
it's gone before you know it.

Before you know it.

She was wrong about me.

Mary? How so?

She thought that if you put
yourself in harm's way, I'd...

I'd rescue you or something.

But I didn't,
not 'till she told me to.

And that's how this works,
that's what you're missing.

She taught me to be the man
she already thought I was.

Get yourself a piece of that.

Look at me, you are
doing yourself a disservice.

I have known many
people in this world,
but made few friends,

-and I can safely say...
-I cheated on her.

No clever comeback?
I cheated on you, Mary.

It was a woman, on the bus,

and I had a plastic daisy
in my hair, I'd been
playing with Rosie.

And this girl just
smiled at me.

That's all it was,
it was a smile.

We texted constantly.

You want to know when?
Every time you left the room,
that's when.

When you're feeding
our daughter.

When you were stopping her
from crying, that's when.

That's all it was.

Just texting.

But I wanted more.

And you know something?
I still do.

I'm not the man
you thought I was.

I'm not that guy.

I never could be.

But that's the point.

That's the whole point.

Who you thought I was...

is the man who I want to be.

Well then,

John Watson.

Get the hell on with it.

(SOBBING)

It's okay.

It's not okay.

No.

But it is what it is.

SHERLOCK: So, Molly's gonna
meet us at this cake place.

JOHN: It's your birthday,
cake is obligatory.

Well, I suppose a sugar high
is some sort of substitute.

Behave.

Right then. You know,
it's not my place to say, but,

it was just texting.

People text, even I text, her.

I mean, Woman. Bad idea.

Try not to, but,
you know, sometimes...

It's not a pleasant
thought, John.

But I have this terrible
feeling from time to time

that we might all
just be human.

-Even you?
-No.

Even you.

-Cake?
-Cake.

Oh, erm...

What. What is it?

What's wrong?

(CHUCKLES) Seriously?

I'm Sherlock Holmes.
I wear the damn hat.

Isn't that right, Mary?

THERAPIST: You seem
so much better, John.

Yeah, I am. I think I am.

Not all day, not every day,
but, uh, you know.

-It is what it is?
-Yeah.

And Rosie?

Beautiful, perfect.

Unprecedented in the
history of children.

-That's not my bias,
that's scientific fact.
-Good.

And Sherlock Holmes?

Back to normal.

SHERLOCK: Get out!
MAN: She's possessed
by the devil.

I swear my wife
is channelling Satan!

Yes, boring, go away.

-I'm not channelling Satan.
-Why not?

Given your
immediate alternative.

What about his brother?

Mycroft? He's fine.

So, you're off now, I won't
see you for a week?

Just spending it at home.

Unless she calls.

The PM.

-Here.
-What's this?

My number.

I already have your number.

My private number.

Why would I need that?

I don't know.

Maybe you'd like
a drink sometime.

Of what?

Up to you.

Call me.

(CHUCKLING)

I mean obviously, normal
and fine are both
relative terms

when it comes to
Sherlock and Mycroft.

(CHUCKLES) Obviously.

She was real.

But, I didn't mean Mycroft.
I mean the other one.

Which other one?

You know, the secret one.

Oh, that was just something...

I said. I'm sure there's...

How did you know about that,
I didn't tell you that.

-You must have done.
-I really didn't.

Well, maybe Sherlock told me.

Wait, you've met Sherlock
exactly once, in this room.

He was off his head.

-Oh no, no. (STAMMERING)
I met him before that.
-When?

We spent a night together.

It was lovely.

We had chips.

(IN FAITH'S VOICE) You're not
what I expected, Mr Holmes.

You're...

Nicer.

Culverton gave me
Faith's original note.

A mutual friend
put us in touch.

Did Sherlock ever tell
you about the note?

I added some deductions for
Sherlock. He was quite good.

But he didn't get the big one.

In fairness though, he does
have excellent taste in chips.

-What's that?
-What's what?

The flower in your hair
is like I had on the bus.

You looked very sweet.

But then...

You have such nice eyes.

Amazing, the times
a man doesn't
really look at your face.

Oh, you can hide
behind a sexy smile
or a walking cane.

Or just be a therapist,
talking about you.

All the time.

Oh, please don't go anywhere,
I'm sure the therapist
who actually lives here

wouldn't want blood
on the carpet.

Oh, hang on. It's fine.

She's in a sack
in the airing cupboard.

-Who are you?
-Isn't it obvious?

Haven't you guessed?

I'm Eurus.

Eurus?

Silly name, isn't it? Greek.
Means the East Wind.

My parents loved silly names.

Like Eurus,

or Mycroft,

or Sherlock.

Oh, look at him.

Didn't it ever occur to
you not even once,

that Sherlock's secret brother
might just be Sherlock's
secret sister?

Oh.

He's making a funny face.

I think I'll put a hole in it.

(GUNSHOT)