Sherlock (2010–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - A Scandal in Belgravia - full transcript

Sherlock must confiscate something of importance from a mysterious woman named Irene Adler.

(SIGHS)
Hey, are you okay?
Excuse me!
Are you all right?
Sir, phone call for you.
Carter.
LESTRADE: Have you heard of Sherlock Holmes?
- Who? - Well, you're about to meet him now.
This is your case, it's entirely up to you,
this is just friendly advice, but give Sherlock five minutes
on your crime scene and listen to everything that he has to say.
And as far as possible,
try not to punch him.
Okay.
Sir, this gentleman says he needs to speak to you.
Yes, I know. Sherlock Holmes.
John Watson. Are you set up for Wi-Fi?
JOHN: You realise this is a tiny bit humiliating?
It's okay, I'm fine. Now, show me to the stream.
J0HN: I didn't really mean for you.
Look, this is a six.
There's no point in my leaving the flat for anything less than a seven,
we agreed.
Now, go back, show me the grass.
- When did we agree that? - We agreed it yesterday.
Stop.
Closer.
I wasn't even at home yesterday, I was in Dublin.
It's hardly my fault you weren't listening.
- (DOORBELL RINGING) - Shut up!
JOHN: Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?
I don't know, how often are you away?
Nam show me the car that backfired.
It's there.
That? the one that made the noise, yes?
Yeah. If you're thinking gunshot, there wasn't one.
He wasn't shot; He was killed by a single blow
to the back of the head from a blunt instrument;
Which then magically disappeared, along with the killer.
It's got to be an eight, at least.
You've got two more minutes, they want to know more about the driver.
Oh, forget him, he's an idiot.
Why else would he think himself a suspect?
I think he's a suspect.
- Pass me over. - All right, but there's a mute button
and I will use it.
Up a bit! I'm not talking from down here!
Okay. just take it, take it.
Having driven to an isolated location and successfully committed a crime
without a single witness, why would he then call the police
and consult a detective? Fair play?
He's trying to be clever. It's over-confidence.
Did you see him?
Morbidly obese, the undisguised halitosis of a single man
living on his own. The right sleeve of an internet porn addict
and the breathing pattern of an untreated heart condition,
low self-esteem, tiny IQ and a limited life expectancy