Shameless (2004–2013): Season 7, Episode 1 - Episode #7.1 - full transcript
Eight months have elapsed. Debbie has joined the Army and left the area. On his fiftieth birthday Frank saves librarian Libby from being run over and believes she is the one for him,despite her narcolepsy and interfering mother. Frank is also present when Nin,his grandmother,kills the severely disabled husband whose care has been a long-time burden to her and who revels in the relative luxury of being sent to jail and waited on. Whilst Joe is trying to persuade the heavily pregnant Karen to go away with him she goes into labour and he delivers the baby. At the christening he also gets a lingering kiss from her.
Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
of the lives they were given
by 'im upstairs...
and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
Stay away!
Stay away! What sounds on
earth could ever replace
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
Because this, people reckon,
and me included,
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented -
to calm us all down,
to stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
You shit on our head.
But you pay the taxes!
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'd cum on your face
for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history,
cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history,
cheaper drugs now!
Scatter. Party!
(LIAM) 'Some old fella
was found dead in his bed.
'Nothing unusual in that.
'Apart from the fact he'd snuffed it
at least six months previous.
'Nothing unusual in that,
apart from the fact
'that he lived in a busy street
'that prides itself on Neighbourhood
Watch and community spirit.
'But somewhere amongst all that
bonhomie, a human being had died
'and no-one even noticed,
because they were all too busy,
'too selfish to clock it.'
All right, babes.
'What we need is for someone to
shake us out of this sleep we're in,
'to remind us that we're all cogs
in a big machine
'and if we don't start looking after
each other,then we're doomed.
'We need someone
to show us the way, set an example.
'We need a hero!
'But where are you going to find
one of them around here, eh?'
Hey...the one thing I do not need
when I'm in this much of a hurry,
is one of your floozies
taking space in the bathroom.
is one of your floozies taking space in the bathroom.
Yeah, happy 50th birthday, you miserable bastard.
And I didn't pull a floozy last
night. I'm very happy with Maxine.
15 minutes she was in there,
with her ablutions.
I'm outside, bladder's busting.
Had to take a piss
in the sink in the end.
Why bring her back here.
What if Maxine finds out?!
Why bring her back here. What if Maxine
finds out?! Finds out what, Frank?
Oh, my dad was just asking me
how I think you'd react if
you caught me with this lady here.
I'd rip his balls off.
I wouldn't blame you.
Hey, morning, Frank. Remember me?
Yeah, we met
in The Jockey last night.
Yeah, we had a few drinks,
got chatting
and before long,
we found ourselves back here,
one thing led to another
and, er, here she is...
We are.
Isn't that right? Enjoy it?
Happy birthday, mate!
None of this would've happened if I'd
got my alarm call like I asked for.
Where've you been,
you selfish little shit?
Out earning a living,
so don't wag a finger at me,
you job-shy, sponging
waste of space!
Don't talk to me like that. I've
got a job, and all. I contribute!
I've got a job.
I've got a job.
Wouldn't really call it a job.
Oh, well what would you call it,
then, smartarse?
Community service?
♪ My boy lollipop... ♪
Come on.
♪ You make my heart
go giddy-up... ♪
♪ You make my heart go
giddy-up... ♪ HORN TOOTS
Nice to see you paying your debt
to society, Gallagher.
POP!
POP!
(LAUGHS)
Not long now.
Half of me can't wait.
The other half
doesn't want it to happen at all.
They say you forget the pain,
though.
How could you forget the sensation
of having an eight-pound bundle of flesh
and bone trying to fight it's way out you
Seven I've had. There's more scar
tissue down there than fanny now.
I remember Paddy telling me
he'd finished.
I didn't even know he'd started.
Like chucking a chipolata
up the Mersey tunnel.
All sense of grip gone.
Worth it, though.
When you've got that little bundle
in your arms, it's all worth it.
I just want it out now.
I mean, two weeks overdue.
I was three weeks over
carrying our Jamie.
A few tricks you might want to try.
Me and Paddy were at it 24/7
to try and budge him.
Tried that.
I love you.
God, I love you.
Curry?
Heartburn.
Get a few gins down your neck.
Might that damage the baby?
Nah, I did it with all of mine.
They turned out OK.
Where do you want these, Mam?
TINNY MUSIC
All this is for Liam, is it?
His birthday party tonight as well.
Oh...
I feel sorry for Liam having
to share a birthday with you.
He'd have been better off born with
the number of the beast on his head.
He'd have been better off born with the
number of the beast on his head. Oh, well...
Nin!
All right, Nin!
How's my second favourite
great-grandson?
Yeah, I'm cool. This is
my girlfriend, Max. This is Nin.
Hiya. Fancy a brew?
Oh, that would be lovely.
Happy birthday, Liam.
Happy birthday, Liam.
Nin!
And happy birthday, Vernon.
Oh, cheers, Nin.
I would've been round sooner
but Jonty went hypoglycemic
so I've spent half the morning
force-feeding him Mars Bars.
Sister.
Thank Christ for that.
Well, I've come round
to offer my services.
I heard Monica had
popped out for a loaf again.
Oh, I wonder
where you heard that from(!)
Thanks, love. Well, I love cooking,
cleaning, ironing's a doddle,
babies need a mother,
so do young boys.
And with Debbie in the Army now...
I don't think
that's going to work, Nin.
It can't be easy,
with Monica leaving.
Well, we've all adapted.
Well, we've all adapted. Nin could
come a couple of nights a week, maybe.
You could stay over.
Liam'd bunk in Stella's room.
Yes, you could go out
for a pint, I could babysit.
No. No, it's too much.
Much too much.
No way.
..hell.
All right.
It was just a thought.
I've got to get off now. >
Jonty'll be needing a feed.
Yeah... Eh, don't be a stranger.
I'll pop round when I can.
Bye, darling.
I'll pop round when I can.
Bye, darling. Nice to meet ya.
You're welcome to come round
whenever you want.
You're welcome to come round
whenever you want. Yeah, whenever.
OK, bye-bye.
You piece of shit.
You piece of shit.
That was horrible. She's lonely.
I'm lonely.
I'm lonely.
You're a sociopath, she's an OAP.
It's not always about you,
you know. >
It's not...
It's not...
What about us and Liam? >
It's not... What about
us and Liam? > Oh.
Nin wanted to help -
we could have done with it!
You better have remembered
Liam's present. You promised him!
Yeah, course I remembered!
Not every day your youngest lad
reaches his teens, is it?
He's 11.
Get off me fuckin' case!
Get out!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Micky, any chance you can use
your contacts in the underworld
to get us one of them?
Eight tonight, the latest?
Cost ya.
40 quid.
45.
45.
35.
Deal.
Go on, kids.
Go on, kids.
Liam told me about Nin.
Wait there.Nice one(!)
Just what I need another -
Esther fuckin' Rantzen!
Just what I need another
- Esther fuckin' Rantzen! All that shit you fed us about how Nin was the one that saved you
when you were little
and yourmum died
and how you were living with your bastard
of a father, that was all bollocks?
So she moves in and it's all
cottage pies and starched shirts.
But you know yourself, within weeks it'll be
sponging her women's bits and wiping her arse!
I'm a single parent now,
got two kids under...
12.
At the age of 50, I'd like a little bit
of colour in my otherwise monochrome life!
Selfish! Left the upbringing of his
kids to anyone that'd take 'em on,
and I should know -
I'm one of them!
and I should know
- I'm one of them! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made mistakes!
Oh, I'm fallible!
Let he who is without sin
cast the first st...
Oh!
Not funny son, not fuckin'...
OK, OK, OK. Contrition you want,
and contrition you shall have!
N-o-o-o!
HORN BLARES
Oh!
(MAN) Dozy bastard!
I shouldn't wear these things.
You saved my life.
Just doing my duty, Mrs...?
Miss. Miss Croker.Libby Croker.
Thank you.
Hey...
What you after, Lillian?
Can't I wish a friend and neighbour
all the best on his big one?
Well, you could if I was
your friend and neighbour.
And you're getting
nowhere near my big one.
Your survival's been
a combination of advance medical
science and sheer bloody-mindedness.
You can go when you've finished.
Half a century, eh? Wish I'd had
a bet on that. Imagine the odds!
Of what?
You still being here.
And when it is your turn
to meet your maker,
it'll be sudden.
Like the flicking of a switch.
(ALL) # Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪
What the fuck?
Happy birthday, Dad.
I'm sorry.
Well, if you're wondering
why they all left,
I'll enlighten you.
You're not worth hanging around for.
I had something good, something
special with each of these women.
They haven't had something good
with you though, have they?
Cos the minute they woke up to
what you were, they were gone.
And I don't blame them. Cos
the minute I can get out, I will.
Well, why wait?
'Libby Crocker.
'Miss Crocker.'
Could this get any better?
I think it could.
There's no need to apologise
for your father.
He always was a selfish little shit.
Just like his mother.
Was she as bad?
Yeah, but at least she was sober.
Well, some of the time.
Now, you've had your birthday treat,
I want you and me to have a talk.
If it's the birds and bees thing,
it's about six weeks too late.
You're full of promise, Liam.
I want you to fulfil your potential.
Go for it.
Give me a hand.
Someday you're going to be faced with
a situation where
to get what you want you have to
tread on someone's head.
And when that situation arises...
I know, do the right thing.
No, none of that
touchy-feely bollocks.
Go for the jugular. The kill.
What kind of advice is that?
Good advice. Carry no passengers.
Bit rich, coming from you.
Jonty? I hate
the fucking sight of him.
If I'd known he was going to cabbage
within six months of our marriage,
I'd have steered well clear.
Look at him, useless.
An endless drain on my time,
energy and resources.
Oh, you don't mean that.
I do.
He'd be better off dead.
Me and him both.
Here. You finish up and get off home.
SQUELCHING
Oh, God.
His bag's burst again.
I'll get the bucket,
you open the windows.
DANCE MUSIC THUMPS
Weirdest place you've ever done it.
Llandudno.
(BOTH) Bog on a train.
Together?
(BOTH) No!
Back of a police bike.
It were parked up. Spain.
What, was it a copper?
Yeah.
Uniform, boots, tache?
Uh-huh.
Lillian, weirdest place
you've ever done it.
Up the bum.
Brendan was a bugger for it.
(ALL GIGGLE)
Jamie!
He's at Frank's party
with his ma and pa.
Get out.
The day of judgement looms, eh?
Pritchard Junior's gonna pop
out and then you've got
some explaining to do, haven't you?
Well, I'll tell him if you want.
Get out.
Sorry, Jamie.
Thing is, me and your missus,
we just couldn't help ourselves.
Some sort of attraction
going on and try as we might...
..we just can't fight it.
I love Jamie.
But you want me.
He's reliable,
solid, trustworthy, loyal, gentle.
He'll make a lovely dad.
And he bores
the fuckin' arse off ya.
Get out... AHH!
Shit!
Get an ambulance!
Oh, brilliant(!)
Jamie's gonna love this one!
Big daddy's gonna miss it!
Please!
All these months of antenatal
and birth partner classes
and he's necking it round the
Gallaghers' when the big moment comes.
Priceless, Karen!
(GROANS)
Right, come here.
Fuck off!
I don't want you
anywhere near us!
Your call.
Joe!
I need you to hold me.
Being a dad was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
He used to say marrying me was the
best thing that ever happened to him.
Yeah, he'd be lying.
Just wait till the time comes, son.
This surge, this wall of emotion
like you've never experienced
before in your life.
It'll happen the second
you clap eyes on them.
It was three months before
I had the courage
to even squint at my Rodney.
The midwife gasped when he came out.
I'll just give Karen
a call, see if she's OK.
Hey, make the most of it,
son, while you can.
It'll be your last party
you go to for a few years.
Karen'd call if she needed ya.
Right, drop 'em!
Where the fuck is the ambulance!?
Come on, come on, come on,
come on try and stay calm.
What... What did they tell
you to do in your classes?
I'll go see where they are.
Don't leave me!
It's coming!
I'm scared, Joe.
I'm scared. I'm scared!
This is your last chance.
This is your last chance.
You say the word and we disappear.
You, me, and baby.
We get away from this place,
get away from them.
You deserve better than this,
Karen, and you know it!
Jamie!
(GROANS)
What the fuck?
Meet your son.
Joe.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, he's beautiful.
BABY GURGLES
Where's Stella?
I'm not her father.
I'm the 11-year-old kid, remember?
Well, when did you last have her?
Kelly's got her.
Eh?
Happy belated birthday.
There's mud on the wheels.
Yeah, I had to ride it.
Delivery van broke down.
All right, it's knock-off. But if
you scratch off the serial number
and give it a re-spray,
be as good as new.
How can I afford a new one?
Do what every other parent
around here does.
Catalogue, borrow,
could even try getting a job.
I've got a...
It's community...
..fuckin' service, yeah.
Do you want this or what?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, "Thank you, Dad."
What's in for breakfast?
I've had mine.
Byron.
Mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Good to see you again. You all right?
There aren't enough men
like you in the world.
Your wife's a very lucky lady.
She's dead.
Dead... Dead... Dead impressed.
Well, she was, when we were together.
Torn asunder.
Buggered off, yeah.
Not seen you in here before.
Well, I'm just, um...
Helping me son with his revision.
Getting a few research books,
you know.
I'd tell your son to make
the most of this place.
Might not be here much longer if
local government get their way.
Oh.
Well, get most stuff
online now though, eh?
That's no substitute for books.
Opening, inviting you to turn,
explore, experience. Virginal.
Never forget a good one, do you?
The majority of the internet's
used for porn, did you know that?
People would rather watch other people
making love than make love themselves,
experience all that
life has to offer via a third party.
Anything to stop them engaging.
You're not one of them, are you?
Frank.
Are you a doer
or a watcher, Francis?
A doer, definitely. Always doing, me.
Do you like to
feel the paper, Frank?
Are you a page turner
or a mouse scroller?
Well, let me show you.
What you doing tonight?
Tonight's an empty page.
I've got a cracking quill.
Plenty of ink.
This lady doesn't surrender
her favours so easily.
The thrill of the chase, eh?
You try to pass yourself off
as a man of integrity but,
for all I know,
you might be a charlatan.
Oh, heaven forfend.
So, prove yourself.
Frank.
(Down! Down! Down!)
Thank you all so much.
It's great, cheers.
Where did you get it from?
Here and there.
We're wetting the baby's head
tonight if you're up for it?
We'll see how we go, eh?
I'll be there.
Maybe you should get some rest.
And maybe you should stop
telling me what I can and can't do.
If I can't celebrate him
coming into the world, who can?
I just came to drop a present off.
Cheers.
There's a party later to celebrate
the arrival of the little fella.
You'll be there.
I don't know, Paddy, uh...
I do. You brought my grandson
into the world safe and sound.
Who knows what might've
happened if you hadn't been there?
Sure.
Cheers, mate. I'll be there.
OK, everybody.
And before our star turn,
we can announce the winner
of the guess the weight competition.
It's Micky Maguire.
Yesss! in your face!
Seven pound, four ounces.
Well done.
There's your 50 quid.
APPLAUSE
That's exactly
the reaction I was after.
Don't know what you mean.
You were out after me
in less than a minute.
Don't flatter yourself.
Karen?
Come on, just about to do the toast.
To our son.
Connor Joseph Maguire.
Connor Joseph Maguire!
Connor...Joseph Maguire.
♪ SHANE MACGOWAN & THE POPES:
Donegal Express
Nin rang.
Nin rang.
Hey, what the fuck?!
She wants to see you.
I don't want to seeher,
the whingeing old bitch.
She asked me to bring ya,
and I'm bringing ya.
All right.
Liam, Liam, wait, wait, wait.
Look, I can't stand it over there.
The sight of Jonty
makes me fucking heave
and there's this, like, this smell...
She's giving me a lecture on how to succeed in
life, and I've got to sit there listening to that.
If I've got to suffer, so have you.
I've got a date - I'm on a promise.
I've got a date - I'm on a promise.
She can wait.
Fuck!
I was hasty when I saw you last time,
unfeeling...
And for that, I apologise.
I just... Oh, it was like
me whole life was crashing in
around me.
I'm not interested
in your sob stories, Vernon.
Nothing you can say
I haven't heard before.
No, but life's on the up now, Nin.
Yeah!
I met someone.
Someone special, you know, decent,
and she makes me feel
like I want to change.
Be a better man, you know?
Has he dropped any Es lately?
Clean as a whistle.
Got a date later.
Pass me my bag, will you, Liam?
Ta. >
So...you think she's the one, eh?
She'soneof the ones.
I have never felt this way before.
I feel younger.
You know, optimistic.
Energised. Positive. You know?
Take her somewhere special.
Go on.
Cheers, Nin. I will.
Liam, get me a glass of water, will
you, and the tablets on my bedside table?
Thank you so much for this, Nin.
Think of the cash as payment.
For what?
For being my witness.
Fucking hell! No! No!
They're going to ask who did it, and
you're going to tell 'em it was me.
You just...
Fucking selfish...or what?!
I'm going to be late for Libby now.
Is Liam OK?
He's ten, for God's sake.
He shouldn't be here.
He's fine. And he's 11.
I need to see him, check he's OK.
You're going nowhere.
Look, I've been through
a nightmare here.
My son...
my te...eleven-year-old son has
seen things no kid should see.
You're expecting us to believe that a frail
old lady in her 80s killed her own husband?
Look, Nin...
She was under an incredible amount
of strain, looking after a man
who didn't know his arse from his elbow and
couldn't wipe either if he wanted to. Right?
She tried, with no back-up
from anti-social services,
no meals on wheels,
no help at all and...
You're not thinking Liam did it?
We're thinkingyoudid.
So where did Joseph come from?
Grandad.
Grandad Joey.
Treated me like a princess.
When Mum and Dad
were at each other's throats...
I dunno,
it must have been a telepathy.
He'd come round and
he'd take me away from it all.
He made me feel special.
I just thought that'd be nice.
If I ever find out you're lying,
Karen...
About fuckin' time!
They had to wait for forensic before they could
release you. Had to check the gun for prints.
They're building the gallows,
giving pissin' Pierrepoint a ring!
And you... Why were you so slow in telling
them what happened, you selfish little twat?!
Hang on a minute!
Bus fare?
She walks in beauty
Like the night of cloudless climes
and starry skies...
(BOTH) And all that's best of dark
and bright meet in her aspect
And her eyes thus mellowed
to that tender night
which heaven to gaudy day denies.
Hardly a glass slipper.
I'm hardly Prince Charming.
It doesn't bother you, does it,
that...that I've got kids?
I mean, I can always trace their mum.
You're all give, give, give,
just like me.
Wouldn't mind a turn at taking.
Hey, how about we learn together?
I want passion, Frank.
Excitement, adrenalin.
I want to wake up in the morning not
knowing what the day has to offer,
and if you can't give me that,
then you're not the man for me.
I am that man.
Talk's cheap.
How about we dance naked
till the sun comes up?
I'm due at work at eight.
Then there's the protest
straight after tea.
Oh, the library protest, yeah.
I will not be ignored, Frank.
Not this time.
Let's make the bastards
sit up and take notice.
Let's not wave our banners
but set the place alight.
Ask for them to leave our
library alone? No, wetellthem!
We dictate the conditions.
This is our moment to shape history,
Libby. You with me?
I want you. Now.
Toilet. Two minutes.
You want adrenalin, excitement...?
Leg it?
No-one in? Husband?
Not married.
Kids?
Kids?
No.
Is that biology or opportunity?
Combination of the two.
What the fuck is this?
Feckin' hell...
I'm not your first, am I? Cos
I don't think I've got the time to...
No, no, it's just that this particular book's
not had its spine bent in quite a while.
One shade the more, one ray the less
Had half impaired the nameless grace Which waves with
every raven tress, or softly lightens o'er her...face.
Look, just...
I thought you were
a man of passion, Frank?
Well, I've had my moments, yeah.
So, surrender.
Well, it's pretty hard waving the white
flag when you're concentration's being tes
Where thoughts serenely
sweet express...
how pure, how dear their resting.
Hang on.
I'm sorry, it's just not happening.
It's hard for me to maintain,
you know, interest
with you droning on Byronically...
Please, Frank.
Please.
Ooooh, yes. Oh, let me have it!
Let me grab your soul away!
Let me have it!
Oh, for fuck's sake!
You know it's me...
Cathy!
(SQUEALS)
Oh, fuck!
(GROWLS)
I thought she'd died.
She's narcoleptic.
Nod off at the drop of a hat.
There are certain triggers,
excitement being one of them.
But don't flatter yourself.
She passes out on a regular basis
watching Britain's Got Talent.
Get that drunk and go.
I wouldn't mind seeing how she is.
No, you won't be seeing her again.
You're no good for her
and she's no good for you.
I like her.
You don't know her.
I like what I know.
She'd shag anything.
You're not that special,
no matter what she told you.
It smacks of sincerity to me.
Did she tell you of
her broken engagement?
The half-caste lad from Liverpool,
who married another woman
so he could inherit a fortune,
broke our Libby's heart?
Yeah, she told me on
the way over here.
That's Scousers for ya.
It's the plot of Wuthering Heights.
Hasn't got a life of her own,
so she lives other people's.
Told me once she was up the duff.
Taken advantage of by a local
landowner after a charity dance.
I said, "You stop
right there, lady."
Tess Of The D'Urbervilles
had been on the telly
the week before and it
had addled her brain.
Thanks for the tea.
Forget her. Move on.
It'll end in tears.
Oh, yeah and what's
that the plot of, then?
I want better for my daughter.
You want better for yourself,
cos you know if she actually
got a life of her own,
yours is as good as over.
I'm her anchor.
I'm her anchor.
Millstone.
I'm her anchor. Millstone.
She'd be lost without me.
She'd thrive without you!
I'm warning you!
She's the first bit of light
I have had in my grey life
for a very long time, and if you
think I'm going to let you cast
your wizened, selfish, gnarled,
bitter little shadow over this,
you are sadly mistaken.
You don't scare me.
Ditto. Now fuck off, Ironside.
Ooh!
Oh, how are you?
I haven't seen you for donkey's.
I'm great, Nin.
It's you I'm worried about.
Oh, me?
Don't you worry about me.
I know what I'm doing.
We just wanted to make
sure you were OK.
Fine.
I'm fine. Oh, I know some people
think what I did was wrong but...
Jonty had no real quality of life,
which meant I didn't either.
We had a word with your lawyer.
He reckons you could be out in two
years. Extenuating circumstances.
You can come and stay with us.
I like it here.
It's warm.
My room mate's very nice.
And they do courses! Imagine!
Nin, you don't have to stay.
With good behaviour...
I'm a Gallagher.
We've never been one for behaving.
All I've got to do is make sure
I never get out. Never.
Now that's your cue to get out.
ALARM BELLS
No credit.
Explain.
The only time I see you
with a smile on your face
is when you're after something.
And aren't we a proper
little ray of fuckin' sunshine?
What are you on?
Nothing.
High on something.
Life. Love.
Should try it.
Seven seventy-five.
You may not have the empire
of a Shirley Porter,
the business acumen
of a Lord Sainsbury,
your establishment has the aesthetic
appeal of the Beirut branch of Netto
but...you still have
the love of a good man, agreed?
Well. Yeah.
What more do you need?
Thank you.
Oh. You. Fucking cu...
PASSIONATE GROANING
Sorry about the bike.
Put the feelers out
for another one, eh?
Does nothing ever
trouble your conscience?
Eh, listen, son, I negotiate my way
through life's moral maze with ease.
So...
For the demo.
All this effort.
Hope she's worth it.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Makes little Frank feel
like he's 17 again.
You know what I mean?
Hang on, hang on!
Something you don't know
anything about yet, sunshine,
is the union between
a man and a woman.
I've known about it for years, the
walls in this house are paper thin.
Yeah, but you never experienced it.
Came close.
When we shared that bunk in Pwhelli.
You see, I've met someone
who inspires, ignites,
lights a flamein my soul.
And goes like a rabbit.
Yeah, that too, yeah.
But, you know, this is different.
You know, it's in it's infancy...
..but I know that it's something
that I want to pursue,
you know, nurture.
How do I look?
Desperate.
BICYCLE BELL
What do you think?
35, like we said?
(ALL)What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
More reading, less breeding!
More reading, less breeding!
The rover returns!
You can't get rid of me that easily,
Miss Croker, I know where you live.
What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
I knew the second from I set eyes
on you. I knew you were the one.
Do you believe in destiny, Frank?
Well, I'm more of a random
sequence of events man, meself,
but I can see the attraction
of believing that certain happenings
are preordained, yeah.
GLASS BREAKS
Fucking bastard!
Shit.
Send for backup.
Get the TAU now!
Listen to me, Frank. This is it,
our moment to shape history!
It's our moment to do a runner.
Take this time and shape it, Frank.
Make a stand, make a mark,
do something that matters.
Stay, Frank.
I'll make it worth your while.
Oh!
MOURNFUL MUSIC
POLICE SIRENS
No!
No!
Libby!
Frank!
Libby...
Fuck's sake, Dad. Apologising to
coppers and assuring them you'll
keep out of trouble in the future?
Well, I am sorry for having a pulse.
Thinking there's a cause
worth fighting for,
not thinking about myself
for once but for the greater good.
So did you get your end away?
It was a bit public.
Where is she?
She won't get bail.
She won't get out.
At least not for a good few months.
Is she worth waiting for?
Come on.
On reflection,
I'd say there's a certain amount of
selfishness necessary for survival.
Like when you're flying
and they say in the safety demo,
"In the event of a decompression,
"help children and others only after
you've put on your own oxygen mask."
You've got to look after yourself
before you can even begin
to look after others.
It's all about balance.
That's the trick.
Get that right
and you've cracked it.
Once upon a time,
there was a king...
I want Manchester to know that
Maguire and Sons are back in business.
This is Back Door Bertie.
Our mutual fuck buddy.
Start small. Work your way up.
Heard the latest from your mother?
We've been dumped as godparents.
I didn't do it to hurt Kelly, son.
Who the fuck am I?
I'm here about my dad. He's missing.
HOOTER BLOWS
I'm a prostitute, Father.
I don't actually believe in God.
You've got...
GUN FIRES
Lamb stew, lamb hotpot, lambcurry.
Don't you think we should
have a bit more variety?
I'm trying to make
sure that they have
a bit of meat and
twoveg inside them.
for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
of the lives they were given
by 'im upstairs...
and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
Stay away!
Stay away! What sounds on
earth could ever replace
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
Because this, people reckon,
and me included,
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented -
to calm us all down,
to stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
You shit on our head.
But you pay the taxes!
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers,
who'd cum on your face
for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history,
cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history,
cheaper drugs now!
Scatter. Party!
(LIAM) 'Some old fella
was found dead in his bed.
'Nothing unusual in that.
'Apart from the fact he'd snuffed it
at least six months previous.
'Nothing unusual in that,
apart from the fact
'that he lived in a busy street
'that prides itself on Neighbourhood
Watch and community spirit.
'But somewhere amongst all that
bonhomie, a human being had died
'and no-one even noticed,
because they were all too busy,
'too selfish to clock it.'
All right, babes.
'What we need is for someone to
shake us out of this sleep we're in,
'to remind us that we're all cogs
in a big machine
'and if we don't start looking after
each other,then we're doomed.
'We need someone
to show us the way, set an example.
'We need a hero!
'But where are you going to find
one of them around here, eh?'
Hey...the one thing I do not need
when I'm in this much of a hurry,
is one of your floozies
taking space in the bathroom.
is one of your floozies taking space in the bathroom.
Yeah, happy 50th birthday, you miserable bastard.
And I didn't pull a floozy last
night. I'm very happy with Maxine.
15 minutes she was in there,
with her ablutions.
I'm outside, bladder's busting.
Had to take a piss
in the sink in the end.
Why bring her back here.
What if Maxine finds out?!
Why bring her back here. What if Maxine
finds out?! Finds out what, Frank?
Oh, my dad was just asking me
how I think you'd react if
you caught me with this lady here.
I'd rip his balls off.
I wouldn't blame you.
Hey, morning, Frank. Remember me?
Yeah, we met
in The Jockey last night.
Yeah, we had a few drinks,
got chatting
and before long,
we found ourselves back here,
one thing led to another
and, er, here she is...
We are.
Isn't that right? Enjoy it?
Happy birthday, mate!
None of this would've happened if I'd
got my alarm call like I asked for.
Where've you been,
you selfish little shit?
Out earning a living,
so don't wag a finger at me,
you job-shy, sponging
waste of space!
Don't talk to me like that. I've
got a job, and all. I contribute!
I've got a job.
I've got a job.
Wouldn't really call it a job.
Oh, well what would you call it,
then, smartarse?
Community service?
♪ My boy lollipop... ♪
Come on.
♪ You make my heart
go giddy-up... ♪
♪ You make my heart go
giddy-up... ♪ HORN TOOTS
Nice to see you paying your debt
to society, Gallagher.
POP!
POP!
(LAUGHS)
Not long now.
Half of me can't wait.
The other half
doesn't want it to happen at all.
They say you forget the pain,
though.
How could you forget the sensation
of having an eight-pound bundle of flesh
and bone trying to fight it's way out you
Seven I've had. There's more scar
tissue down there than fanny now.
I remember Paddy telling me
he'd finished.
I didn't even know he'd started.
Like chucking a chipolata
up the Mersey tunnel.
All sense of grip gone.
Worth it, though.
When you've got that little bundle
in your arms, it's all worth it.
I just want it out now.
I mean, two weeks overdue.
I was three weeks over
carrying our Jamie.
A few tricks you might want to try.
Me and Paddy were at it 24/7
to try and budge him.
Tried that.
I love you.
God, I love you.
Curry?
Heartburn.
Get a few gins down your neck.
Might that damage the baby?
Nah, I did it with all of mine.
They turned out OK.
Where do you want these, Mam?
TINNY MUSIC
All this is for Liam, is it?
His birthday party tonight as well.
Oh...
I feel sorry for Liam having
to share a birthday with you.
He'd have been better off born with
the number of the beast on his head.
He'd have been better off born with the
number of the beast on his head. Oh, well...
Nin!
All right, Nin!
How's my second favourite
great-grandson?
Yeah, I'm cool. This is
my girlfriend, Max. This is Nin.
Hiya. Fancy a brew?
Oh, that would be lovely.
Happy birthday, Liam.
Happy birthday, Liam.
Nin!
And happy birthday, Vernon.
Oh, cheers, Nin.
I would've been round sooner
but Jonty went hypoglycemic
so I've spent half the morning
force-feeding him Mars Bars.
Sister.
Thank Christ for that.
Well, I've come round
to offer my services.
I heard Monica had
popped out for a loaf again.
Oh, I wonder
where you heard that from(!)
Thanks, love. Well, I love cooking,
cleaning, ironing's a doddle,
babies need a mother,
so do young boys.
And with Debbie in the Army now...
I don't think
that's going to work, Nin.
It can't be easy,
with Monica leaving.
Well, we've all adapted.
Well, we've all adapted. Nin could
come a couple of nights a week, maybe.
You could stay over.
Liam'd bunk in Stella's room.
Yes, you could go out
for a pint, I could babysit.
No. No, it's too much.
Much too much.
No way.
..hell.
All right.
It was just a thought.
I've got to get off now. >
Jonty'll be needing a feed.
Yeah... Eh, don't be a stranger.
I'll pop round when I can.
Bye, darling.
I'll pop round when I can.
Bye, darling. Nice to meet ya.
You're welcome to come round
whenever you want.
You're welcome to come round
whenever you want. Yeah, whenever.
OK, bye-bye.
You piece of shit.
You piece of shit.
That was horrible. She's lonely.
I'm lonely.
I'm lonely.
You're a sociopath, she's an OAP.
It's not always about you,
you know. >
It's not...
It's not...
What about us and Liam? >
It's not... What about
us and Liam? > Oh.
Nin wanted to help -
we could have done with it!
You better have remembered
Liam's present. You promised him!
Yeah, course I remembered!
Not every day your youngest lad
reaches his teens, is it?
He's 11.
Get off me fuckin' case!
Get out!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Micky, any chance you can use
your contacts in the underworld
to get us one of them?
Eight tonight, the latest?
Cost ya.
40 quid.
45.
45.
35.
Deal.
Go on, kids.
Go on, kids.
Liam told me about Nin.
Wait there.Nice one(!)
Just what I need another -
Esther fuckin' Rantzen!
Just what I need another
- Esther fuckin' Rantzen! All that shit you fed us about how Nin was the one that saved you
when you were little
and yourmum died
and how you were living with your bastard
of a father, that was all bollocks?
So she moves in and it's all
cottage pies and starched shirts.
But you know yourself, within weeks it'll be
sponging her women's bits and wiping her arse!
I'm a single parent now,
got two kids under...
12.
At the age of 50, I'd like a little bit
of colour in my otherwise monochrome life!
Selfish! Left the upbringing of his
kids to anyone that'd take 'em on,
and I should know -
I'm one of them!
and I should know
- I'm one of them! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made mistakes!
Oh, I'm fallible!
Let he who is without sin
cast the first st...
Oh!
Not funny son, not fuckin'...
OK, OK, OK. Contrition you want,
and contrition you shall have!
N-o-o-o!
HORN BLARES
Oh!
(MAN) Dozy bastard!
I shouldn't wear these things.
You saved my life.
Just doing my duty, Mrs...?
Miss. Miss Croker.Libby Croker.
Thank you.
Hey...
What you after, Lillian?
Can't I wish a friend and neighbour
all the best on his big one?
Well, you could if I was
your friend and neighbour.
And you're getting
nowhere near my big one.
Your survival's been
a combination of advance medical
science and sheer bloody-mindedness.
You can go when you've finished.
Half a century, eh? Wish I'd had
a bet on that. Imagine the odds!
Of what?
You still being here.
And when it is your turn
to meet your maker,
it'll be sudden.
Like the flicking of a switch.
(ALL) # Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪
What the fuck?
Happy birthday, Dad.
I'm sorry.
Well, if you're wondering
why they all left,
I'll enlighten you.
You're not worth hanging around for.
I had something good, something
special with each of these women.
They haven't had something good
with you though, have they?
Cos the minute they woke up to
what you were, they were gone.
And I don't blame them. Cos
the minute I can get out, I will.
Well, why wait?
'Libby Crocker.
'Miss Crocker.'
Could this get any better?
I think it could.
There's no need to apologise
for your father.
He always was a selfish little shit.
Just like his mother.
Was she as bad?
Yeah, but at least she was sober.
Well, some of the time.
Now, you've had your birthday treat,
I want you and me to have a talk.
If it's the birds and bees thing,
it's about six weeks too late.
You're full of promise, Liam.
I want you to fulfil your potential.
Go for it.
Give me a hand.
Someday you're going to be faced with
a situation where
to get what you want you have to
tread on someone's head.
And when that situation arises...
I know, do the right thing.
No, none of that
touchy-feely bollocks.
Go for the jugular. The kill.
What kind of advice is that?
Good advice. Carry no passengers.
Bit rich, coming from you.
Jonty? I hate
the fucking sight of him.
If I'd known he was going to cabbage
within six months of our marriage,
I'd have steered well clear.
Look at him, useless.
An endless drain on my time,
energy and resources.
Oh, you don't mean that.
I do.
He'd be better off dead.
Me and him both.
Here. You finish up and get off home.
SQUELCHING
Oh, God.
His bag's burst again.
I'll get the bucket,
you open the windows.
DANCE MUSIC THUMPS
Weirdest place you've ever done it.
Llandudno.
(BOTH) Bog on a train.
Together?
(BOTH) No!
Back of a police bike.
It were parked up. Spain.
What, was it a copper?
Yeah.
Uniform, boots, tache?
Uh-huh.
Lillian, weirdest place
you've ever done it.
Up the bum.
Brendan was a bugger for it.
(ALL GIGGLE)
Jamie!
He's at Frank's party
with his ma and pa.
Get out.
The day of judgement looms, eh?
Pritchard Junior's gonna pop
out and then you've got
some explaining to do, haven't you?
Well, I'll tell him if you want.
Get out.
Sorry, Jamie.
Thing is, me and your missus,
we just couldn't help ourselves.
Some sort of attraction
going on and try as we might...
..we just can't fight it.
I love Jamie.
But you want me.
He's reliable,
solid, trustworthy, loyal, gentle.
He'll make a lovely dad.
And he bores
the fuckin' arse off ya.
Get out... AHH!
Shit!
Get an ambulance!
Oh, brilliant(!)
Jamie's gonna love this one!
Big daddy's gonna miss it!
Please!
All these months of antenatal
and birth partner classes
and he's necking it round the
Gallaghers' when the big moment comes.
Priceless, Karen!
(GROANS)
Right, come here.
Fuck off!
I don't want you
anywhere near us!
Your call.
Joe!
I need you to hold me.
Being a dad was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
He used to say marrying me was the
best thing that ever happened to him.
Yeah, he'd be lying.
Just wait till the time comes, son.
This surge, this wall of emotion
like you've never experienced
before in your life.
It'll happen the second
you clap eyes on them.
It was three months before
I had the courage
to even squint at my Rodney.
The midwife gasped when he came out.
I'll just give Karen
a call, see if she's OK.
Hey, make the most of it,
son, while you can.
It'll be your last party
you go to for a few years.
Karen'd call if she needed ya.
Right, drop 'em!
Where the fuck is the ambulance!?
Come on, come on, come on,
come on try and stay calm.
What... What did they tell
you to do in your classes?
I'll go see where they are.
Don't leave me!
It's coming!
I'm scared, Joe.
I'm scared. I'm scared!
This is your last chance.
This is your last chance.
You say the word and we disappear.
You, me, and baby.
We get away from this place,
get away from them.
You deserve better than this,
Karen, and you know it!
Jamie!
(GROANS)
What the fuck?
Meet your son.
Joe.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, he's beautiful.
BABY GURGLES
Where's Stella?
I'm not her father.
I'm the 11-year-old kid, remember?
Well, when did you last have her?
Kelly's got her.
Eh?
Happy belated birthday.
There's mud on the wheels.
Yeah, I had to ride it.
Delivery van broke down.
All right, it's knock-off. But if
you scratch off the serial number
and give it a re-spray,
be as good as new.
How can I afford a new one?
Do what every other parent
around here does.
Catalogue, borrow,
could even try getting a job.
I've got a...
It's community...
..fuckin' service, yeah.
Do you want this or what?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, "Thank you, Dad."
What's in for breakfast?
I've had mine.
Byron.
Mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Good to see you again. You all right?
There aren't enough men
like you in the world.
Your wife's a very lucky lady.
She's dead.
Dead... Dead... Dead impressed.
Well, she was, when we were together.
Torn asunder.
Buggered off, yeah.
Not seen you in here before.
Well, I'm just, um...
Helping me son with his revision.
Getting a few research books,
you know.
I'd tell your son to make
the most of this place.
Might not be here much longer if
local government get their way.
Oh.
Well, get most stuff
online now though, eh?
That's no substitute for books.
Opening, inviting you to turn,
explore, experience. Virginal.
Never forget a good one, do you?
The majority of the internet's
used for porn, did you know that?
People would rather watch other people
making love than make love themselves,
experience all that
life has to offer via a third party.
Anything to stop them engaging.
You're not one of them, are you?
Frank.
Are you a doer
or a watcher, Francis?
A doer, definitely. Always doing, me.
Do you like to
feel the paper, Frank?
Are you a page turner
or a mouse scroller?
Well, let me show you.
What you doing tonight?
Tonight's an empty page.
I've got a cracking quill.
Plenty of ink.
This lady doesn't surrender
her favours so easily.
The thrill of the chase, eh?
You try to pass yourself off
as a man of integrity but,
for all I know,
you might be a charlatan.
Oh, heaven forfend.
So, prove yourself.
Frank.
(Down! Down! Down!)
Thank you all so much.
It's great, cheers.
Where did you get it from?
Here and there.
We're wetting the baby's head
tonight if you're up for it?
We'll see how we go, eh?
I'll be there.
Maybe you should get some rest.
And maybe you should stop
telling me what I can and can't do.
If I can't celebrate him
coming into the world, who can?
I just came to drop a present off.
Cheers.
There's a party later to celebrate
the arrival of the little fella.
You'll be there.
I don't know, Paddy, uh...
I do. You brought my grandson
into the world safe and sound.
Who knows what might've
happened if you hadn't been there?
Sure.
Cheers, mate. I'll be there.
OK, everybody.
And before our star turn,
we can announce the winner
of the guess the weight competition.
It's Micky Maguire.
Yesss! in your face!
Seven pound, four ounces.
Well done.
There's your 50 quid.
APPLAUSE
That's exactly
the reaction I was after.
Don't know what you mean.
You were out after me
in less than a minute.
Don't flatter yourself.
Karen?
Come on, just about to do the toast.
To our son.
Connor Joseph Maguire.
Connor Joseph Maguire!
Connor...Joseph Maguire.
♪ SHANE MACGOWAN & THE POPES:
Donegal Express
Nin rang.
Nin rang.
Hey, what the fuck?!
She wants to see you.
I don't want to seeher,
the whingeing old bitch.
She asked me to bring ya,
and I'm bringing ya.
All right.
Liam, Liam, wait, wait, wait.
Look, I can't stand it over there.
The sight of Jonty
makes me fucking heave
and there's this, like, this smell...
She's giving me a lecture on how to succeed in
life, and I've got to sit there listening to that.
If I've got to suffer, so have you.
I've got a date - I'm on a promise.
I've got a date - I'm on a promise.
She can wait.
Fuck!
I was hasty when I saw you last time,
unfeeling...
And for that, I apologise.
I just... Oh, it was like
me whole life was crashing in
around me.
I'm not interested
in your sob stories, Vernon.
Nothing you can say
I haven't heard before.
No, but life's on the up now, Nin.
Yeah!
I met someone.
Someone special, you know, decent,
and she makes me feel
like I want to change.
Be a better man, you know?
Has he dropped any Es lately?
Clean as a whistle.
Got a date later.
Pass me my bag, will you, Liam?
Ta. >
So...you think she's the one, eh?
She'soneof the ones.
I have never felt this way before.
I feel younger.
You know, optimistic.
Energised. Positive. You know?
Take her somewhere special.
Go on.
Cheers, Nin. I will.
Liam, get me a glass of water, will
you, and the tablets on my bedside table?
Thank you so much for this, Nin.
Think of the cash as payment.
For what?
For being my witness.
Fucking hell! No! No!
They're going to ask who did it, and
you're going to tell 'em it was me.
You just...
Fucking selfish...or what?!
I'm going to be late for Libby now.
Is Liam OK?
He's ten, for God's sake.
He shouldn't be here.
He's fine. And he's 11.
I need to see him, check he's OK.
You're going nowhere.
Look, I've been through
a nightmare here.
My son...
my te...eleven-year-old son has
seen things no kid should see.
You're expecting us to believe that a frail
old lady in her 80s killed her own husband?
Look, Nin...
She was under an incredible amount
of strain, looking after a man
who didn't know his arse from his elbow and
couldn't wipe either if he wanted to. Right?
She tried, with no back-up
from anti-social services,
no meals on wheels,
no help at all and...
You're not thinking Liam did it?
We're thinkingyoudid.
So where did Joseph come from?
Grandad.
Grandad Joey.
Treated me like a princess.
When Mum and Dad
were at each other's throats...
I dunno,
it must have been a telepathy.
He'd come round and
he'd take me away from it all.
He made me feel special.
I just thought that'd be nice.
If I ever find out you're lying,
Karen...
About fuckin' time!
They had to wait for forensic before they could
release you. Had to check the gun for prints.
They're building the gallows,
giving pissin' Pierrepoint a ring!
And you... Why were you so slow in telling
them what happened, you selfish little twat?!
Hang on a minute!
Bus fare?
She walks in beauty
Like the night of cloudless climes
and starry skies...
(BOTH) And all that's best of dark
and bright meet in her aspect
And her eyes thus mellowed
to that tender night
which heaven to gaudy day denies.
Hardly a glass slipper.
I'm hardly Prince Charming.
It doesn't bother you, does it,
that...that I've got kids?
I mean, I can always trace their mum.
You're all give, give, give,
just like me.
Wouldn't mind a turn at taking.
Hey, how about we learn together?
I want passion, Frank.
Excitement, adrenalin.
I want to wake up in the morning not
knowing what the day has to offer,
and if you can't give me that,
then you're not the man for me.
I am that man.
Talk's cheap.
How about we dance naked
till the sun comes up?
I'm due at work at eight.
Then there's the protest
straight after tea.
Oh, the library protest, yeah.
I will not be ignored, Frank.
Not this time.
Let's make the bastards
sit up and take notice.
Let's not wave our banners
but set the place alight.
Ask for them to leave our
library alone? No, wetellthem!
We dictate the conditions.
This is our moment to shape history,
Libby. You with me?
I want you. Now.
Toilet. Two minutes.
You want adrenalin, excitement...?
Leg it?
No-one in? Husband?
Not married.
Kids?
Kids?
No.
Is that biology or opportunity?
Combination of the two.
What the fuck is this?
Feckin' hell...
I'm not your first, am I? Cos
I don't think I've got the time to...
No, no, it's just that this particular book's
not had its spine bent in quite a while.
One shade the more, one ray the less
Had half impaired the nameless grace Which waves with
every raven tress, or softly lightens o'er her...face.
Look, just...
I thought you were
a man of passion, Frank?
Well, I've had my moments, yeah.
So, surrender.
Well, it's pretty hard waving the white
flag when you're concentration's being tes
Where thoughts serenely
sweet express...
how pure, how dear their resting.
Hang on.
I'm sorry, it's just not happening.
It's hard for me to maintain,
you know, interest
with you droning on Byronically...
Please, Frank.
Please.
Ooooh, yes. Oh, let me have it!
Let me grab your soul away!
Let me have it!
Oh, for fuck's sake!
You know it's me...
Cathy!
(SQUEALS)
Oh, fuck!
(GROWLS)
I thought she'd died.
She's narcoleptic.
Nod off at the drop of a hat.
There are certain triggers,
excitement being one of them.
But don't flatter yourself.
She passes out on a regular basis
watching Britain's Got Talent.
Get that drunk and go.
I wouldn't mind seeing how she is.
No, you won't be seeing her again.
You're no good for her
and she's no good for you.
I like her.
You don't know her.
I like what I know.
She'd shag anything.
You're not that special,
no matter what she told you.
It smacks of sincerity to me.
Did she tell you of
her broken engagement?
The half-caste lad from Liverpool,
who married another woman
so he could inherit a fortune,
broke our Libby's heart?
Yeah, she told me on
the way over here.
That's Scousers for ya.
It's the plot of Wuthering Heights.
Hasn't got a life of her own,
so she lives other people's.
Told me once she was up the duff.
Taken advantage of by a local
landowner after a charity dance.
I said, "You stop
right there, lady."
Tess Of The D'Urbervilles
had been on the telly
the week before and it
had addled her brain.
Thanks for the tea.
Forget her. Move on.
It'll end in tears.
Oh, yeah and what's
that the plot of, then?
I want better for my daughter.
You want better for yourself,
cos you know if she actually
got a life of her own,
yours is as good as over.
I'm her anchor.
I'm her anchor.
Millstone.
I'm her anchor. Millstone.
She'd be lost without me.
She'd thrive without you!
I'm warning you!
She's the first bit of light
I have had in my grey life
for a very long time, and if you
think I'm going to let you cast
your wizened, selfish, gnarled,
bitter little shadow over this,
you are sadly mistaken.
You don't scare me.
Ditto. Now fuck off, Ironside.
Ooh!
Oh, how are you?
I haven't seen you for donkey's.
I'm great, Nin.
It's you I'm worried about.
Oh, me?
Don't you worry about me.
I know what I'm doing.
We just wanted to make
sure you were OK.
Fine.
I'm fine. Oh, I know some people
think what I did was wrong but...
Jonty had no real quality of life,
which meant I didn't either.
We had a word with your lawyer.
He reckons you could be out in two
years. Extenuating circumstances.
You can come and stay with us.
I like it here.
It's warm.
My room mate's very nice.
And they do courses! Imagine!
Nin, you don't have to stay.
With good behaviour...
I'm a Gallagher.
We've never been one for behaving.
All I've got to do is make sure
I never get out. Never.
Now that's your cue to get out.
ALARM BELLS
No credit.
Explain.
The only time I see you
with a smile on your face
is when you're after something.
And aren't we a proper
little ray of fuckin' sunshine?
What are you on?
Nothing.
High on something.
Life. Love.
Should try it.
Seven seventy-five.
You may not have the empire
of a Shirley Porter,
the business acumen
of a Lord Sainsbury,
your establishment has the aesthetic
appeal of the Beirut branch of Netto
but...you still have
the love of a good man, agreed?
Well. Yeah.
What more do you need?
Thank you.
Oh. You. Fucking cu...
PASSIONATE GROANING
Sorry about the bike.
Put the feelers out
for another one, eh?
Does nothing ever
trouble your conscience?
Eh, listen, son, I negotiate my way
through life's moral maze with ease.
So...
For the demo.
All this effort.
Hope she's worth it.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Makes little Frank feel
like he's 17 again.
You know what I mean?
Hang on, hang on!
Something you don't know
anything about yet, sunshine,
is the union between
a man and a woman.
I've known about it for years, the
walls in this house are paper thin.
Yeah, but you never experienced it.
Came close.
When we shared that bunk in Pwhelli.
You see, I've met someone
who inspires, ignites,
lights a flamein my soul.
And goes like a rabbit.
Yeah, that too, yeah.
But, you know, this is different.
You know, it's in it's infancy...
..but I know that it's something
that I want to pursue,
you know, nurture.
How do I look?
Desperate.
BICYCLE BELL
What do you think?
35, like we said?
(ALL)What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
More reading, less breeding!
More reading, less breeding!
The rover returns!
You can't get rid of me that easily,
Miss Croker, I know where you live.
What do we want? Libraries.
When do we want them? Now!
I knew the second from I set eyes
on you. I knew you were the one.
Do you believe in destiny, Frank?
Well, I'm more of a random
sequence of events man, meself,
but I can see the attraction
of believing that certain happenings
are preordained, yeah.
GLASS BREAKS
Fucking bastard!
Shit.
Send for backup.
Get the TAU now!
Listen to me, Frank. This is it,
our moment to shape history!
It's our moment to do a runner.
Take this time and shape it, Frank.
Make a stand, make a mark,
do something that matters.
Stay, Frank.
I'll make it worth your while.
Oh!
MOURNFUL MUSIC
POLICE SIRENS
No!
No!
Libby!
Frank!
Libby...
Fuck's sake, Dad. Apologising to
coppers and assuring them you'll
keep out of trouble in the future?
Well, I am sorry for having a pulse.
Thinking there's a cause
worth fighting for,
not thinking about myself
for once but for the greater good.
So did you get your end away?
It was a bit public.
Where is she?
She won't get bail.
She won't get out.
At least not for a good few months.
Is she worth waiting for?
Come on.
On reflection,
I'd say there's a certain amount of
selfishness necessary for survival.
Like when you're flying
and they say in the safety demo,
"In the event of a decompression,
"help children and others only after
you've put on your own oxygen mask."
You've got to look after yourself
before you can even begin
to look after others.
It's all about balance.
That's the trick.
Get that right
and you've cracked it.
Once upon a time,
there was a king...
I want Manchester to know that
Maguire and Sons are back in business.
This is Back Door Bertie.
Our mutual fuck buddy.
Start small. Work your way up.
Heard the latest from your mother?
We've been dumped as godparents.
I didn't do it to hurt Kelly, son.
Who the fuck am I?
I'm here about my dad. He's missing.
HOOTER BLOWS
I'm a prostitute, Father.
I don't actually believe in God.
You've got...
GUN FIRES
Lamb stew, lamb hotpot, lambcurry.
Don't you think we should
have a bit more variety?
I'm trying to make
sure that they have
a bit of meat and
twoveg inside them.