Shameless (2004–2013): Season 2, Episode 10 - Episode #2.10 - full transcript

'Now nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate is the garden of Eden

'but it's been a good home to us -
me, Frank Gallagher,

'and me kids who l'm proud of,

'cos every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.

'They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.'

- Run! Run for it!
- Leg it!

'Fiona, who's a massive help,

'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
which is why nobody calls him Philip now,

'lan, a lot like his mam,

'which is handy for the others
cos she's disappeared into thin air,

'and Carl - we daren't let him grow his hair



'cos it stands on end and makes him
look like Toyah and nits love it.

'Debbie - sent by God. Total angel.

'You've to check your change but she'll go
miles out of her way to do you a favour.

'Plus Liam - gonna be a star
once we've got the fits under control.

'Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier...
One plate short of a full set, like.

'Fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything. Well, not anything.

'But all of them to a man know,
first and foremost,

'one of the most vital necessities in this life

'is they know how to throw a party!

'Scatter!'

(Kev) 'Dad used to say,
''Never a lender or borrower be.''

'Bit rich coming from a bankrupt crack head.

'He's wrong, cos since the Gallagher's moved

'next door, we've lent,
they've borrowed, paid back.'



(Tannoy) 'Kash for Chatsworth.'

'The truth is, l like it.

'They make a lot of people
around here feel needed.

'Well, better off. anyway.'

l haven't done anything wrong!

He's a social worker,
not a policeman.

He's called at your house
a few times with no luck.

BELL RlNGS

Steve!

Now, Deborah, Mr Bannister to you.

Call me Steve when you start answering
your front door. Deal? Sit down.

Right.
Deborah Gallagher.

You look well enough.
How's the rest of the family?

- Really good.
- Right.

Fiona - l need you to give her this.

Walk on, walk on...

..with hope in your heart...

< Last chance to buy the
winning ticket for tonight's prize.

..walk...alone...

< Tonight's prize is two tickets to
this weekend's Lady Mayoress' ball.

< Don't be shy, it's black tie,
the lady mayor wants you there.

A bit more ice in this,
it's getting warm.

- Has your Brendan forgotten about you?
- Forget his head if it weren't screwed on!

l once bumped into the fella
that wrote this. Er, scouse fella.

- Rubbish! lt's from Carousel.
- Gerry thingy.

Gerry and the Pacemakers!
Get your facts right, Bo Selecta!

Just ignore him, Lilian, love.

And you'll never walk

Alone

You'll never walk

Alone

(Compere) There you go,
the scouse national anthem.

- Lilian, can l have a word?
- You're Brendan's been knocked down.

Corner of Eastern Street.

To be honest, he looks pretty rough.

- The police are looking for you.
- Oh, dear God!

Come on, Lilian. l'll go with you.

What the fuck have the police got to do with it?

lt was a police van that knocked Brendan over.

- He's dead.
- Don't say that!

l didn't want to tell her!

How the fuck would you know
whether someone's got a pulse

if you're shagging
a bird double your age?

Because Brendan's body landed
on the inside of the street.

But he's head landed on Lip's.

Way too much fucking information!

Are you ready?!

SHOUTlNG
Can't hear you!

(Crowd) Yeah!

The winner of the Cocky
Jockey rollover raffle

for that lucky monkey all-night party

at the Lady Mayoress' ball is...

Twenty... >

..seven! Number 27!

Yeah! No! Oh! Yeah! Oh! Yeah!

Have we got a winner? >

27! >

Where's me 27? l had a 27!

Who's got me seven?! Who's got me seven?!

Number 27. >

Here.

WlNNER!

Yeah! We won!

Who'd have thought that? Frank Gallagher.

- More jam than Hartley's!
- Fix! Fix!

l'd just like to say

it's me birthday next week,

and although l'd never been 47 before...

We can't believe it.

47, eh?

This could not have
come at a better time.

lt's not an Oscar!

- l've been feeling a bit postnatal.
- Cos l've got eight kids...

< (Woman) You all right, Deb?

Fiona.

- What's happened?
- Nothing, l just need...

Somewhere out there, there is a god

shining a light...

What?

Steve's back.

Who's telling you that?

Steve, l saw him. He's desperate
to meet you. He came to the school.

Now, is she having a drink
for my birthday or what?

No, Craig. She is going home.

At least let her have
a lager and thingy.

Craig, do us a favour and f...

Keep and eye on the drinks
before me dad does, yeah?

He tried to contact you at work,
but he didn't know you'd moved.

l know. The nursery passed his
number on a couple of days back.

You need to ring him.

No, you ring him!

Tell him to stay the fuck away
from me, you or any of us!

'Ey, Kev!

Pint of lager and a very big E.

Keep your voice down, Frank.
Members of the council are in.

Pint of lager and
a very small vowel, if you will.

Vicky.

How's it hanging, Bernie?
HE MOUTHS

lf we were friends, shouldn't you

have told me you were going
to stand against me for this ward?

Er, but we're not, so no need.

Never test your own popularity

if you can't stomach the smell
of rotting failure.

Yeah?

Best to beat a winner when a
winner's truly beat, which you are.

So go screw yourself,
you greedy fat bastard!

Kash is going to trounce you.

Be scared, be very scared.

Now fuck off!

Can't believe what you just did.
That was Lilian's ticket!

Fuck off!

All night party for two.
What's she going to do, take his head?

Whoa!

l don't know what to say, Mrs Tyler.

The officer driving the van will live
with this for the rest of his life.

- And his cap managed to stay on?
- l know.

- Green trilby?
- Yeah.

Surely that's how
he'd like to have died.

Little bit of his
old-fashioned dignity.

Yeah, but not before he turns 65.

That looks like you.

Looks like you.

Any more orders for breakfast?
Say now or do it yourselves.

Not for us.
Lena's giving us a lift to school.

Lena's giving me a lift a school.

lt's the same school.

lf you want to watch us fucking.
CAR HORN BEEPS

At it every two minutes!

Sit down.

lAN MUTTERS

Are you right in the head, shagging
a 1 6-year-old? What's that about?

lt's legal.

Where do you get off telling him
what to wear, getting his hair cut?

You're not his mother!

Neither are you, Fiona.

What's going on?

Nothing.
Fiona likes the way l do me make-up.

l was just giving her a few tips.

See ya.

(lan) See ya later, Fiona,
see you later, Debs.

He wanted me to give you something.

Forget it, l don't want to know.

But he...

Hey.

About 1 1 , l try and liquidise solids.

Same again for lunch, but a bit more lumpy.

They should sleep till about 6.30.

Sing them some Cliff Richard,
they'll go off for 1 0 more minutes.

We've got the spare room all sorted.

You coming to Auntie V
and Uncle Kev's for the weekend?

You'll love it.
You're going to love it.

(Sheila) l wouldn't ask, but l can't
let the Lady Mayoress down.

Sight of him - big head, little legs.

Which Cliff Richard, Sheila?

Well, any, apart from
the Millennium Prayer.

lf all else fails, sing them Jerusalem.
They'll go out like a of pair of candles.

How's there a god if his head ends
up that far away from his boots?

Come again?

Don't actually register
Brendan's death with the town hall.

How can l not? lt's in all the papers.

Yeah, but only the next of kin

has the authority
to actually register the death.

And l'm saying don't.

l turn up and sign for his benefits,
80 quid a week.

We'll split it 60-40 in my favour.
What have you got to lose?

60%%%!

Yeah, but,

l mean, Brendan, God bless him,

he's neither use nor fucking
ornament to you now, is he?

l will struggle without his money.

Yeah.

What's Buddhism all about
if it's not forcing the dead

to behave like they're still here, eh?

You'll have to take Sadie off me hands.

Sadie?
- (WHlSTLES) Sadie.

l hate the thing!

Every time we had sex
it howled to be let out.

Nearly wrecked our marriage!

Anyway, nobody's more
of a dog person than me, Lilian.

Oh, right, good. Ta-ra, Frank.

Come on, Sadie. Who's a beauty?

Who's a beauty?

Meat.

Sack.

Meat. Sack. Come on.

Come on, Scooby fuckin' Doo!

BARKlNG

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

HE HUMS

What you up to?

- What have you done to that bag?
- Caught in the fence.

< Likely story! That's been burned!

Electric fence.

You need to know
what danger lies ahead for you.

Are you threatening me, Bernie?

lf you split the vote, we'll have
the lunatics running Chatsworth.

UKlP, l-KlP, WE-KlP!

You should have thought about that
before you refused us planning for

the extension at the back.

ls that what all this has been about?

Well, why didn't you say?

A few phone calls,
fix that. No problem.

What Yvonne's saying Bernie... Too late.

You crossed the line. We're sick
of having to slip you backhanders

for anything we need doing. People are
sick of you charging for democracy.

Aren't you the noble one?

Noble, be buggered.
Kash gets on planning committee,

he's never going to have to
work another day in his life.

Then we might be able to
afford an apartment in Spain.

We can buy Bernie's
when he's forced to sell up!

Be careful what you wish for.

Congratulations

And jubilations

l want the world to know l'm happy
as can be

Who would believe that l...

..Contented...

(Veronica) What key are you in?

Was in the bad old days before
l met you

When l let you walk into my...

SHE SOBS

What's up, Debs?

You can't blame Fiona.

Steve left her high and dry.

Fine, if that's all he did, but
he's come back to put things right.

Bad timing, sweetheart.

- She's having Craig's baby.
- By accident.

Yeah...

She's made some big decisions
that she can't unpick.

She likes Craig but she loves Steve
more than she'll ever love anybody.

l'm one of the lucky ones but
we can't all have the perfect ending.

Here we go.
They were out of hot chocolate >

so l got mushroom soup and a
bit of grass to calm things down.

Kev!

Well, not for Debs, obviously.

l need to make a phone call.

Get Debs to show you how to
download your music files.

..which is inheritance
tax in a nutshell.

Which twisted shit came up with
that little gem, inheritance tax?

l've made sure my kids won't
be saddled with that kind of torment

once l've gone.

Cash in the policies.

Let them watch you blow the lot why
you've a breath left in your body.

Listen to the lady -
where there's a will, there's a way.

What are you going to leave behind?

A couple of skid marks?

HE CHUCKLES

Couldn't answer a
prayer, you fat cunt.

Eh! He's just paid your drink up.

Me, what for?

Because he's bought us all a double.

He must think we're simple.

He's buying booze. That is not
allowed. Rum and black, please.

Bless you, Bernie.

DOG YELPS

Oh, for f...

< Hello, gorgeous!

ls this the little minx,
you've taken off Lilian's hands?

One stroke of luck in 1 5
years and that's my lot...

ls it?

< You're covering Chatsworth East.
You're in Selina's car.

Let's go, go, go.
Not you.

Why not?

Well, who's going to help me in shop?

Verna! You've left your bloody bag!

< Lilian, are you OK?
What's this lot doing here again?

The postmortem found >
that your Brendan,

he had a bullet in his head.
lt killed him instantly.

You see that's why he never
dodged out of the way of the van.

Ballistics are certain.

That bullet came from the same gun
that was used in a drugs killing last month.

No. Drugs? Brendan?

They found umpteen
Class A drugs in his system.

His death could have been
part of a turf war gang job.

We need you to come down to the
station to clear a few things up. >

lf that's all right, Mrs Tyler?
Yeah?

All right, lads, put her in the van.

Lilian.

Brendan was no druggie.

Look at him for God's sakes.

The postmortem shows he was
using marijuana, amphetamines,

plus solvents and common adhesives.
That face was totally self-inflicted.

You're fitting him up to get
out of paying any compensation,

you devious buggers!

Stan, CCTV shots from the bookies
at the end of Eastern Street.

Five seconds before our van rams in,
Brendan gets a bullet in the head.

Five seconds later, skinhead with
a white bag legs it from the scene.

< Chatsworth school uniform, see?

Probably a drug runner.

Right, come on Stan,

let's round up all the local skinheads -
starting with the school.

There you go.

You're the one with the gob.
Why didn't you try getting elected?

A, l'm the one that runs this
business properly meaning,

B, people generally hate my guts.

Give over. People respect you.

Personally, l couldn't give a shit

but they're going to love
Kash making a name for himself.

They think he's married
to a hard-nosed bitch.

Cherie Blair helped Tony to get elected.

Since when did Kash need
electing to feel wanted?

Since l told him to.
Have you got a problem with that?

Yeah. lf Kash wins, l'm stuck
here doing extra hours for you

just so he can be somewhere else.

And you think l started all
this to keep you two apart?

Well, haven't you?

What are you doing in here?

Looking for drugs, if you must know.

Try asking.

Proper drugs.

Where's Fiona?

She won't have any, she's skint.

No?

Well, what about your Carl?

Have a look at this.

Pass it, pass it. >

THEY CHUCKLE

Help! >

Where's he gone? >

Do you want a cup of coffee, Craig?

No, ta. l think l'll shoot straight
up for a shower. Fiona up there?

l don't know where she is.

She nipped around to Veronica's
to fix the washing machine.

No, she hasn't.

Does she know how?

lt's fine. lt's working.

l promised Steve
l'd try and talk to you.

Don't go taking it out on Debbie.
l agree with her.

What harm can ten minutes do?

You know fucking well what harm it'll do.

No, l don't Fiona, and neither do you.

lf l agreed, if l showed up,

what have l got to tell
him that he'll want to hear?

He probably wants to know whether
you still love him or not.

lf l do... Course l do.

What good's that going to do
when he knows l'm pregnant?

He's not going to want to hear that, is he?

l don't know, sweetheart.

You'd better ask him yourself.

SHE GASPS

l'm... l was...

l really don't know what l'm supposed to say.

DEBBlE MUTTERS
Shit!

Fiona's not late, l'm not late, am l?

Fuck off.

Carl said your washer
wanted seeing to.

That won't work.

(Fiona) Jesus...

- Let's have a look.
- l've got soap powder in my eyes.

Come on, splash.
Have you got any towels, Veronica?

Towels, upstairs.
Stay there Craig, hang on.

Stay there.

< (Steve) l'm not moving.

< (Veronica) Get upstairs.

Veronica, no! All right?

OK, just blame me and l'm not saying that...

l asked him round here not her.

Can you come up here a sec, Carl?

What for?

Talk about Tuesday night.

You little prick! What have you
done? What have you gone and done?

Get off me!

Lay off him, Debs, he's in bigger trouble. >

Get off!

l shot him. Brendan.

lt was me, all right?

What did he say?

l didn't mean to kill anybody, l swear.

(Craig) l need a straight answer, Fiona.

ls that my baby?

(Steve) Don't answer that.

- Ask him if that matters.
- What?

Look, l came here for you,
whatever that meant,

and l've had a hell
of a lot that l didn't bank on.

But l'm still here, so what does that mean?

Shut your fucking mouth before l do a lot
of people a favour and take you out.

Back of a long queue, action man.

Whoa!

lf all he wants to know is if it's his baby,

then what's the question?
What's his question?

(Craig) Fuck off.

Craig!

Oh, my God.

Craig, can you hear me?

- Look, let me see.
- You need to fuck off.

(Veronica) lf the police find you here,
we're all dead.

Watch yourself.

Oh, my God.
What have we done? Oh, my God.

Hey, sweetheart, it's OK.

Yeah, ambulance.

< Hiya. 6 Swansea Gardens,
Chatsworth Estate.

Please, Fiona.

l can't live without you.

Why me?

He needs someone with him.

But l didn't see what happened.

He banged his fucking head,
what more do they need to know?

Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

Go on! Come on, that's it.

Yes. Yes. Come on, come here.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

DOG WHlNES,
CRASH

Oh, l'm having flashbacks
to Jack Brabham here, nightmare.

Debbie!

What now?

No, hang on. Shut up.

l don't want to know.

What?

Cannabis is on prescription,
for Brendan's glaucoma.

He uses the glue
for a bit of fun with the matches.

So, you admit
they sniff glue on match days?

No, the matches.

OK, but that doesn't explain the
amphetamine sulphate also found.

They're mine. l was on them
long before they were popular.

l slipped one in his dinner
when he told jokes l'd heard before.

So, you're getting speed
on the NHS, come off it!

Narcolepsy.

lf l get over-excited, l've a habit of...

THUD

lt is his baby.

No, it isn't.

lt's yours.

Look, if we get married
as soon as we get there,

we're entitled to a two-bedroom flat.

We'll turn over the odd car,
if we're careful. You know,

pay for bills and food and stuff.

You'll have to get
a part-time job, though,

to pay for our drinking habits.

l'm not drinking.

Well, then, we're sorted out.

Even if l could do this to Craig...

..l can't leave my family.

Fiona, we've been here before.

They don't need you
as much as you think they do.

They don't. Just ask them.

l promise you, Fiona,

l'll not let you down again.

l'll make you happy.

SlREN

l don't bake, l can't bake.

You just make it look like you know how to.

You, snap out of it or disappear.

l don't want her to go.

Neither would l,
if l was in as much bother as you.

Tough shit, Carl. Fiona's going.

Say one wrong word before she does,
l'll cut your tongue out, got it?

(Debbie) And that goes for all of you.

lf Fiona finds out about Carl, you're all dead.

Kev's phoned.
Craig's signed himself out.

Seven stitches and he signs himself
out. They're getting a taxi.

l should speak to him.

Don't. You'll fall apart
and change your mind.

- lt's the least he deserves.
- No, it's not. He's second-best.

He's used to getting over stuff like this.

l hope this is the last of them.

We've got Steve
on the back seat, under a blanket.

ALL CHATTER

Like he'll think it's for someone else.
Come on. Will you hurry up!

Hurry, hurry. Move it!

We're all going to be fine.

Look at me. State of me.
l found my baking hands.

l was hoping to send one with you.

Take care of yourself.

We'll need a number,
in case anything goes wrong.

Come here.

Hey. See you, beautiful.

Where are you off to?

Just going on a holiday.
Give my cheek a kiss.

And a cuddle.

(Steve) Fiona! We've got to hurry.

When are those cakes
going to be ready?

lt's no good, l can't leave him.

No, you can.

Dad and Sheila are going to collect him.
He's moving in with them.

ls that true?

Don't be soft.
l won't let him near my dad.

(Steve) Ow.

Sorry.

Yeah, you'd better be. >

Come here, you two.

l love you.

l'll be in touch.

(Steve) l love you.

You'd better, so where am l taking you?

The car's parked in Gilton. See ya!

CAR HORN

See ya!

l got chucked off the bus for swearing.

Fuck you! Twat! Fat bastard!

Started walking home.

'That was when l found it.

'l didn't know what it was at first.'

'lt was lying there in the grass.'

'lt were dead heavy and cold.
l knew it weren't a toy.'

(Debbie) The fact you
had a gun isn't the point, Carl.

Why didn't you tell one of us,
or hand it in somewhere?

l wanted to know what it felt like.

l took it to school. But no-one knew.

HE CHUCKLES

l didn't know it was still loaded.

Until l saw you two
playing footie in Eastern Street.

ALL SHOUT

Hey, Brendan, get your tits out!

SlREN

GUNSHOT
Whoa. Watch it! Shit!

l didn't know it was loaded.

SlREN

Fuck!

lan!

Fuck...ing hell!

Shit! Oh, Christ.

l'm sorry.

Where's the gun now, Carl?

Of course!

Come on!

Somebody take it off me, quick!

(Craig) What's going on?

Where are they?

Where's Steve?

They've gone, Craig.

Fiona's gone.

Fiona!

- Craig.
- He's got the gun!

(Kev) Craig!
GUNSHOT

So, do you not think it looks like...

No, it looks more like Carl Gallagher to me.

- That's what l think.
- Let's get over there and try and eliminate him.

l wish someone would.

< ls Carl in?

(Debbie) l'll handle this.

- How's things, Carl?
- Fine, why?

Looks a bit tired.
Been busy, have we, son?

Where were you about half six
on Tuesday night? >

That's dead easy, he was at
the hospital. Weren't you, Carl?

Oh, what for?

Something he doesn't really want to discuss.

Circumcision.

Right.

Well, come on, onwards and upwards,
eh, Stan?

You know, you're not on your own,
Carl, and there's no shame in it

whatsoever, none, ever.

And you won't look back.
Well, not much.

Are you right in the head?
Are you buying all this shit?

(Veronica) How long before they suss that one?

Enough time to round up some skinheads.

- He was only in overnight. Tuesday night.
- What for?

l can't disclose that.
Boys are very sensitive

about genital surgery.

- Fine. Thank you, sister.
- You're welcome.

l don't care, ?50 says that's Carl Gallagher.

No one in their right mind is going
to make something like that up.

Right. ?50. Put it there.

Perry, Fizz, Pete and Minty.

Debbie's explained, it's for charity.

Ow!

Will you shut up!

(Debbie) He looks like a leper.

(Veronica) Give us a minute.

- What's this?
- lt's supposed to be a swoosh.

A swoosh. Does Carl have a swoosh?

No.

- (Debbie) Come on Carol, hurry up.
- Should get more than a tenner for this.

Can the No 2 turn to the side, please.

We're fucked.

< Square one.

Sorry, Craig.

Cheers, mate.

He's depressed.

Fiona's dumped him.

No. He's all right, is Craig.

Full-time job, house that's paid for
and not bad in bed.

Take him in the bogs
and suck him off,

could be a decent future in it for you.

Hiya, gorgeous.

Cheer up, it might never happen.

lf it helps,

Fiona told me she didn't know for
definite if the baby was yours.

Sorry, l'm late.

Who are you?

This is Mick. He's helping me out
a couple of nights a week,

so it's up to you
which two nights you drop...

l knew it! You hard-faced,
two-faced, sour-faced bitch!

..and which two nights
you want to work at the Jockey.

l've got you a job, glass collecting.

Since Kash will spend more time in there
socialising, if he's going to stand a chance.

Whoops.

Mick's old enough to serve booze,
so he can cope on his own for an hour.

l'll be back at 1 0, Mick.

No sweat. >

Never mind questions in the house,
we need answers in the house.

lan, in your own time, love.

People forget, it took centuries,

but the working man's vote
is the most powerful weapon

you'll ever possess.

Lest we forget.

Got your toothbrush?

Seven inches!

Oh, hello, where are you
taking the Prince of Darkness?

- Wales.
- Betws-y-coed.

Wales? Fuck for?

Moby Dick.

My sister's just had a baby.

And that's still a big deal in Wales, is it?

You look fantastic, Martin.

Up the arse, when you're ready.

Large white wine, please, Karin.

MUSlC: Wild Thing by The Troggs

Wow!

CHEERlNG AND WHlSTLlNG

Have you got the tickets?

SHE PANTS

Show me to the limo.

l couldn't get a limo so l had to get a minibus.

All right, fair enough.

CHEERlNG AND WHlSTLlNG

Did you say something, Kash?
l can't see you, it's a bit dark.

That is a racist remark.

Now l've been wondering,

a shopkeeper's campaign...

..is on value for money,

when all he and his family's ever
done was bring down the house prices.

< That is way below the belt.

But it's the truth.
Gloves off, you'd better

listen to the echoes, Hiawatha.

LAUGHTER

Ladies and gentlemen,

l offer up for your selectation,

your delectation,

your election.

CHEERlNG

Nothing but a third generation immigrant!

Trying to reinvent the glory of the Union Jack.

CHEERlNG

You two-faced, fascist cunt.

Everybody round here knows
where my heart lies.

My heart's in Chatsworth.

l prove it every single day

by keeping the shop open for 1 2 fucking hours.

APPLAUSE

But at what profit margins,
ladies and gentlemen?

< Oh, flush him out, Kash.

Name a single other shop

that takes milk tokens for booze.

CHEERlNG

Fine!

The only constituents my little
brown friend here supports are

the blacks, the chinks, the complete
fucking leg-irons, the jobless scum,

that bleed this fucking nation dry!

Yeah, Bernie!

One of you get the car.

Now, quick.

Kash for Chatsworth!

CHEERlNG

lt feels weird without her here.

(Carl) l've got one thing l need to say.

The night before he died,

l gobbed on Brendan from the upstairs of a bus

and called him a rag-eyed gonk.

Just that.

The only thing is making sure
everybody knows how much

- a week we need to stay in the black.
- We've always managed before, Debs.

With Fiona's wages, meaning

everyone needs to bring in
an extra ?1 5 a week.

Not me, l'm not family, neither's our Martin.

lt makes no difference.
lf you can't match the rent rise

we'll have to advertise
for new tenants.

She's right, Carol.

You and all. You can't go blowing
your spends on clothes.

Fair do's is that, Lip.

And you earn about three
times more than you're telling us.

BABY CRlES

MUSlC STARTS PLAYlNG

(Lip) What's that? >

Congratulations and celebrations

When l tell everyone
that you're in love with me

- Congratulations..
- This is an old Cliff Richards.

(Debbie) What are you doing?

Trying to get Pinky and Perky to sleep.

Fucking insomniacs or what?

Cliff doesn't work after dark. Try Jerusalem.

And did those feet in ancient times

Walk upon England's mountains green?

And was the Holy Lamb of God

On England's pleasant pastures...

What you doing here?
l thought it was an all-nighter?

Frank got a bit sick during
pudding so the lady mayoress

had to get us a car home.

Like a Rolls Royce?

No, it was a police car!

Hello!
BABlES CRY

Wakey, wakey. Are you wide awake?

And did those feet in ancient times

Walk upon England's mountains green?

(All join in) And was the Holy Lamb of God

On England's pleasant pastures seen?

(Kev) 'lf l could shoot sperm
that didn't swim backwards,

'l'd have my own family by now.

'ln the meantime, l'm settling for this one.'

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Hey!

l will call you Bernard,

or Bernadette.

..in England's green and pleasant land...

LAUGHlNG AND CLAPPlNG

Bring me my bow

Of burning gold

Bring me my arrows of desire

Bring me my spear

Oh, clouds unfold

Bring me my chariot of fire

l will not cease

From mental fight

Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand

Till we have built Jerusalem

ln England's green and pleasant land...

PHONE RlNGS

(Debbie) Will somebody get that!

(Marty) Suck me cock!

PHONE RlNGS

Hello.

PHONE RlNGS

Yeah.

Fiona, it's for you.

Fiona!

Oh, fuck you. She's not in, try later.

Pass us that chicken will you, Sheila?