Shameless (2011–…): Season 6, Episode 11 - Sleep No More - full transcript

Billy, tell 'em what they missed.

Billy?

Fiona Gallagher,

will ya marry me?

Yeah.

Wanna do it right this time.

Immigration's gonna put her back
on the next boat to Moscow.

- I'll figure it out.
- We took care of it.

Courthouse this afternoon.

- In and out and hitched.
- What?

You two having sex?

- Dad.
- No.

Hey, stop!

Who the hell are you?

The law, motherfucker!

I think I wanna be a cop.

I ace the test,

then I get the paperwork
to get certified.

"Have you ever spent any time
in a mental institution?"

Your mental health is none
of their business, lie.

I'm sorry I didn't have
time to finish your work.

I was busy getting fired,

kicked out of my room,

and forced to write a ten-page essay

on the dangers of drinking.

You're smart, Lip,

but grow the fuck up!

Oh, like you? A drunk has-been

thriving off of other people's work?

No wonder your kid wants
nothing to do with you.

Contractions are only
three minutes apart.

Oh, Debs...

- Are you okay?
- My water broke.

Push, push, push.

Keep pushing.

Hi, Francis.

Francis?

- After her grandfather.
- Frank?

You were right. I need
to do this on my own.

* Think of all the luck you got *

* Know that it's not for naught *

* You were beaming once before *

* But it's not like that anymore *

* What is this downside *

* That you speak of? *

* What is this feeling *

* You're so sure of? *

* Round up the friends you got *

* Know that they're not for naught *

* You were willing once before *

* But it's not like that anymore *

* What is this downside *

* That you speak of? *

* What is this feeling *

* You're so sure of? *

- Kid's got a set of lungs.
- Yeah.

How 'bout a cup?

I'm good.

Not everyone wants your
microbes in his food.

Are those my drawers?

How long do you think she can go for?

Uh, she stopped for, like,
a half an hour last night.

I'm glad I moved back home.

Wouldn't wanna miss this.

That sounds like a hunger cry.

Debs might not be producing enough milk.

She might need to
supplement with formula.

- Someone should tell her.
- Not you?

It's none of my business.

She's made that abundantly clear.

She's not sleeping, eating, showering.

I wish she'd let one of
you just hold the baby.

Well, maybe she's got
that postpartum thing.

You know, when girls go feral in corners

and gouge anyone's eyes
out who gets too close.

What're those, uh, things called
that guys wear at weddings?

The flower things?

Uh, yeah, boutonnieres.

- Lip and Ian get 'em, right?
- Yeah.

I gotta meet with the florist,
figure out what I'm orderin'.

If they're walking you down
the aisle, they get 'em.

Uh, and ushers, groomsmen...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

my daughter will be
accompanied by her father

as she ambles to the altar.

Her who?

Oh, you mean that deadbeat

that consistently fails to
take care of his family?

I may not have been present
for your first steps

or your first lost tooth
or your first blow job,

but as patriarch, I'm entitled
to my traditional place of honor

next to you for your big day.

Then it's my traditional right

to ask said patriarch to pay for it.

Done.

What?

Done. I'll pay.

- In money.
- Cash.

Dinero. Greenbacks.

Well, you know, if you're
catching up on, uh, Dad shit,

you can cover my tuition.

Teach me how to ride a bike.

I never had a sweet sixteen.

Could throw me one after the wedding.

Has anyone seen Carl?

Uh, yeah, he left a half hour ago.

At 6:00 in the morning? Did he say why?

Find somewhere to sleep without
a screaming infant, maybe?

- All right, kid, let's go.
- No way.

- He's got Headstart.
- That's where I'm taking him.

A white rose for my boutonniere.

Hey, which florist? What time?

The Armenian on Clark at 1:00.

- See ya there.
- Wow.

Be funny if he actually showed up.

What would he do? Pretend
to reach for his wallet?

- Frank owns a wallet?
- I can hear you.

Those are my boots. Hey!

Get used to it.

Hey, Debs.

Where you off to?

School. Missed a bunch.

Gotta catch up.

With Franny?

Yeah.

Great, have fun.

Yeah, I can take ya.

It's too cold to walk with a baby.

No, thanks.

I'm driving right by
the school. Come on.

Don't make it a whole thing.

See ya at work.

I gotta do some, uh, reading for class.

She needs help and sleep.

Yeah, so do we.

- Oh, shit, it's them.
- Fuck, Immigration.

- Fuck!
- Don't forget your lines.

Okay, okay, okay.

Jeez.

Coming.

Morning. Lester from USCIS.

- Oh.
- Immigration?

Met at your bar a few weeks ago?

Just a routine mandatory check

to see if the living
situation is as reported.

Please, come in.

So I've been crashing on
their couch as you can see.

I was supposed to move out,

but I've been pretty strapped for cash.

This is the home you and your ex
share with your two children?

Yes, yes, it is.

Until she fell for that
no good commie slut.

Okay, you discover your
employee's being deported.

Moments later, your live-in
partner of many years dumps you

then runs off to city hall
to marry this employee

because they're "in love."

Can you fucking believe that shit?

No. Mind if I head upstairs?

Well, I don't know if they're
receiving any guests right now.

You know, they do a lot
of gay sex up there.

Agent Lester Hibbert here from USCIS.

Routine unannounced check. Let
me know when you're decent.

All good.

Thank you.

Uh, Mrs. and Mrs. Fisher,

do I have your, uh,
permission to look around

at your personal belongings?

Oh, go on. We have nothing to hide.

Junior police training program?

Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

4:30 to 7:30.

Start raising my GPA, hit the gym.

And what do you want from me?

Well, they don't allow
convicted juveniles

in the program.

Thought maybe you could,

uh, pull some strings.

You want to be a police cadet?

Make the world a better place.

Stomp out evil, preserve humanity...

- Yeah...
- Boom, you're a hero.

When's the last time you
bought a bag of groceries?

Or did your own laundry?

You know what comes before civic duty?

Personal responsibility.

Own your shit at home first.

Pass the syrup.

Come on.

Get everything you can.

There ya go.

Like shirts,

pants, stuff like that.

Raggedy looking stuff.

Yeah, what else you got?

These are great.

Hey.

Oh, fuck.

Ah, yeah, they're gutting

the building next door.

Hey, it's gonna get even
noisier around here.

Maybe we should,

you know, crash at your
place a couple nights?

Uh... just till shit calms down?

Nah, it's even worse
over there. Trust me.

Worse in what way?

You can't tell me?

- It's just chaotic.
- I can do chaotic.

So, nervous for your big day?

No.

Nah, excited mostly.

Figured I'd be a janitor
the rest of my life.

You're still gonna be

cleaning up vomit and dumping garbage,

just in a fancier uniform.

- Better pay too.
- Oh.

Check it out.

Turkey sandwich, chips,
an apple, and a treat.

Now go save lives.

Shh, it's okay.

Don't cry.

Can't bring a crying baby to class.

Oh, can I at least pick
up my assignments?

You need to talk to the
counselor and figure out

how to continue your studies at home.

Well, I want to finish school,

so let me learn.

Okay, here's a lesson:

use condoms.

His parents were mauled
by vicious rebels.

He has AIDS. Please, give money.

Yeah, save that 20 for a
bag of Peruvian mangoes.

Tropical fruit is more
important than a dying orphan.

Keep shivering. That's really great.

His immune system is breaking down.

We need money for doctors.

Oh, you have no money?

And you're going into a grocery store?

Interesting.

Whoo.

- Yo.
- Hey.

Ah, we're a study lounge all a sudden?

Well, I'm doing my TA work off campus.

Aw, you're missing all
that eye candy, man.

Hot coeds wearing little
mittens and scarves.

Ready to be unwrapped like
little Hershey's Kisses.

Mmm! Man, I'm telling you,

I miss my rape-walking days.

It gets old pretty quick.

What, did something go down at Screw U?

Oh, burn a bridge,

run for the hills: The Gallagher Way.

I'm not fucking running, okay?

I'm just doin' what I gotta do.

What kind of boss lets
you lay low like that?

Didn't exactly let me.

If you'd have pulled that shit with me,

I'd have fired your ass so hard

you'd have left skid marks.

I can't lose my TA-ship.

You know, I'd have to
drop out, you know?

And I care about my education,

you know, unlike these
dinosaur professors

spouting archaic bullshit,

just sleepwalking across
chalkboards for 30 years.

Oh, poor baby.

Sitting in a bar bitching

about mean teachers and free
grant money while the rest

of us are shoveling shit
just to make ends meet.

Fuck you.

So, Kev, how are your two
hot lesbo wives doing?

Fake lesbos. It sucks.

Think it's fun for me living out

of a suitcase in my own home?

Why you gotta do that?

'Cause Immigration shows up

at 7 a.m. going through my shit

to make sure that the fake
lesbos are for real lesbos.

They gotta bang each other too?

What part of the word
"fake" don't you get?

Ah, the part that always sees
'em in here bein' lovey-dovey.

Oh, giggling and touching.

They're bonding.

Do I feel left out? Yeah, a little.

Do I like it that V's got a new BFF?

Not especially, but do I think
that she wants to munch a cooch?

Hell no.

Oh, hey, I thought you
two were in school.

We got kicked out. Franny
wouldn't stop crying.

Thought maybe Svetlana or V could help.

Nah, they're at home getting
their vaginas interviewed.

Whoa, whoa, what do you mean
you got kicked out, though?

I had to meet with a counselor,

and he forced me to enroll
in a alternative program

for teen moms.

They call it distance learning,

but you know what I call it?

Discrimination.

I think you can only
claim discrimination,

you know, if your issue
isn't your own choice.

Well, I didn't choose to
be a part of a family

that didn't support my
decision in having this baby.

Debs, we wanna help you, okay?

You just keep refusing.

Fine, just...

- Hold her while I go pee.
- All right.

Hey.

- Here?
- Support her neck.

Okay, I got her.

I got her. Hi.

Hey.

Hey.

Don't let the death of an
orphaned African child

be on your conscience
this holiday season.

$20 buys him food for a day.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Our "I Do" package includes

the bridal and maid of honor bouquets,

two bridesmaids bouquets,

and one altar piece.

- How much?
- Starting at 800.

Got anything cheaper?

Hoo!

Hell are you doing here?

I said I was coming. Toasty in here.

What's wrong with Liam? Is he sick?

Convincing, no?

Eye shadow and Vaseline.
It's a gypsy trick.

Hey, go wash your face,
and good work today.

Are you the fianc??

Ha.

Uh, I'm the proud papa

who's paying for this enterprise.

- Don't listen to him.
- What's the damage?

The lowest I could go is
650 for our rustic basic.

How much is the deposit?

Um...

30% down, which comes to 195.

No, no, no, no.

Cash okay?

And then she picked up my babies,

one on each hip,

and she whispered into their ears

and they both stopped
crying immediately,

and I was like,

"Damn.

This crazy Russian is magical."

I knew then that I wanted
her in my life forever.

And, Mrs. Fisher, when
did you first realize

you were in love with Mrs. Fisher?

Oh, first time I saw her.

We were in bar where we work.

This thing happened... speaking Russian.

It's when your eyes, they
climb onto your head.

This happened to me.

Well, your individual
interview answers line up

for the most part

and your joint interview has
been shockingly credible.

I've been at this job eight years.

Never seen a setup quite like this.

So did we pass?

Well, I don't buy a word of it,

but so far I don't have any
evidence to the contrary.

I'll review your documents,

follow through with family and friends.

I'll make a few more follow-up visits.

Can't wait to see how far
you ladies take this.

People are pretty swell around here.

I don't hire assholes.

'Cept for this guy.

Oh, don't let her near your lunch.

She goes apeshit over salty snacks.

Listen up, crew!

This is Ian Gallagher, our new trainee.

The only person besides
me to get a perfect score

on both the written and the practical.

- Ooh!
- Act civilized

so he'll stick around.

Uh, label and date your food, please.

This is your locker. Uniform's inside.

Doesn't fit, let me know.

Napping cots around back,

and, uh, we'll hit the wagon

in about 20 for rig check.

Don't be late.

Hey, hey. I, uh, got you a redeye.

Looks like you could use a kick,

but you might want to, uh...

Listen, I, uh, prepped some notes

for your lecture later
on scale relativity,

and, uh, here are some
of the take-home quizzes

for next week.

You know, some other shit
I was supposed to do.

That all?

No. Uh...

No, I wanted to apologize...

you know, for... saying that vile shit

uh, about your...

Your family and stuff.

I was in a really bad
place, and I really...

Papers in my box need grading.

Thanks.

You're invitin' people you
barely know to my wedding.

I know their characters,
not their stats.

How many folks ya think Sean'll want?

Uh, his kid,

uh, a couple Patsy's people,
some people from AA.

Hey, I need ya to count
that paper stock.

Well, that's a whole buncha names.

I'm an esteemed member
of this community.

The marriage of my eldest daughter

is a notable event.

Ya gonna charge a cover?

When you're knee-deep in
brand-new kitchen appliances

with matching flatware,

I'll be expecting a
thoughtfully worded apology.

- I'll go ring up your bill.
- Okay, reception.

I know this cozy restaurant.
It's great food.

It's got private rooms.

You like Brazilian?

- Where's the money coming from?
- Irrelevant.

This is about your smile as
you dance the night away.

I don't get it.

This sudden interest in my happiness?

I can't stop thinking about

that infant Deb squirted
out on my kitchen table.

I fucking missed it.

I'm tired of missing stuff.

Okay, we'll check out

the Brazilian joint tomorrow morning.

Come on, Liam.

Oxygen tanks are full,
defib has fresh batteries,

gas is at 90%.

- Linens?
- Right there.

- Restraints?
- Are in the gurney.

- What's left?
- Can't think of anything.

Aw, jeez, what'd I miss?

Ah... it's a kick, huh?

I remember my first time
flippin' that switch.

My heart skipped.

I was like, "I'm here," you know?

You make it a habit, and make it quick.

One of the top five rookie errors

is taking too long with rig check.

What are the other four?

Being too detailed in your reports,

using a bag valve mask improperly,

not learning the names of your patients,

and not going out to
drinks with the crew

after your first shift.

You will be counting on these people.

You gotta build trust.

Station 14 Card 28. Stroke.

Patient is non-responsive. Can you copy?

- Go ahead.
- Station 14 copy.

Standing by for 10-20.

It's a nursing home call.

We get about five per day.

Meet you later for drinks.

- Hey, bring your girlfriend.
- I'm gay.

Well, bring your boyfriend.
No one gives a shit.

Have fun with the grannies.

And here comes the hand-o-saurus,

goin' from your nose,

way down to your toes.

- I got your toes.
- Jeez, I suck at this.

- What subject?
- English.

Personal essay based
on The Hero's Journey.

Wow, that's like college level.

We didn't do that till freshman year.

Ugh, yeah, this is so much
harder than regular English.

It's like they want us to fail.

What the hell is a call to adventure?

That would be when you got pregnant.

Oh.

- So where am I now?
- Resurrection.

When the hero gets tested at home.

Hmm.

- God, you're smart.
- Are you testing Mommy?

Are you testing Mommy?
Yes, you are, come here.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, but...

everything terrifies me.

SIDS, jaundice, germs, reflux...

I keep a mirror by my bed

and check her breath ten times a night.

Brrrr! Good God, it's cold out there.

All right, we did
pretty good today, hey!

Go change your clothes. Whoo.

Oh, ho, we get to touch her now?

- Hey, you...
- Stop, you're filthy!

- Have you talked to Derek?
- Not yet.

I keep hoping he'll call.

- What about his parents?
- No.

- They hate me, screw 'em.
- Scandalous.

What kind of a man turns
his back on his family?

What's their name again?

Delgado.

Come here, you.

- Come here.
- Careful!

Hello, little Miss
Gallagher, how are you?

How are you? Whoa, whoa.

It's your grandpa.

Yes, it is.

Gotta start pinching
pennies around here.

Diapers are like 30 bucks,
and formula's like 25 a box.

- Well, why formula?
- I told him to get it.

- I breastfeed.
- Yeah.

Well, Fiona said that you
might need to supplement.

Well, Fiona can suck a turd.

If she had her way, Franny

would be a blood clot
splattered at the bottom

of a trash can at some clinic.

You're not falling for Frank's

"father of the bride" shtick, are ya?

Nothing to fall for.

Well, from here, it
looks like ya might be.

I'm not letting him in.
I'm letting him pay.

There's a big difference.

Just don't want you to
be disappointed again.

Frank has let me down my entire life.

This will be no different.

I just wanna watch him fake

like he's a human for a while.

- For fun.
- Yeah, fun.

Whoo-hoo.

Ok, let's make a bet.

How long till Frank bails?
I give it two days.

One.

If that.

If I win, you have to go down on me

every night for a week.

Hmm.

And if you lose?

Same deal.

You drive a hard bargain, Gallagher.

- He didn't buy any of it?
- Not one word.

Well, when is he coming back?

Could be tomorrow, next week.

I'm gonna break my neck
flying down those stairs

like that again.

Maybe you should just stay down there.

Are you serious?

Not worth breaking bones over.

This is some bullshit.

You know, I hope Svetlana

really appreciates what
we're doing for her.

What about us appreciating her?

You know that woman
speaks four languages

and can play the accordion blindfolded?

And her childhood was completely fucked.

She could tell you stories that
would turn your hair white.

We're lucky to have her.

She's so mysterious.

She's like the sphinx.

Part-cat, part whatever-the-fuck.

All right.

Guess I'll head down.

Hey. It's only temporary, baby.

Yeah, I know.

It still blows.

Good night.

Good night.

Mr. Delgado.

You wouldn't happen to have a
son named Derek, would ya?

- Why?
- I'm the father

of the underage girl he knocked up.

Remember her? Cute, freckled, redhead?

The girl your 17-year-old son abandoned

when she told him she
was gonna have his kid?

Derek didn't want her to have that kid.

Well, she had it anyway.

Woman's right to choose and all that.

And, boy, is that little
thing cute as a button.

But she can work up some bills.

Be nice to get some help.

Did I mention my daughter's underage?

What do you want?

Money, obviously.

You know, we could
sound-proof the walls.

Yeah, or buy earplugs?

Or figure out how to get
more food into that baby.

Has she let any one of you hold her yet?

- Yeah.
- Both of you?

- Yeah.
- Gang's all here.

Must be "infant fucked us o'clock."

3 a.m.

Hey, did you use my
toothbrush last night?

- Which one's yours?
- The light blue one.

No.

Let me be perfectly clear.

Don't take my underwear.

Don't use my toothbrush.
Don't wear my boots.

Hey, if it's under this roof,

it's fair game, dem's da rules.

If you don't like it,
there's a door right there,

and we have another one right here.

All right, Frank.

Hey-o.

- Yo!
- Hey!

- You made it!
- Yeah, of course.

I'm not gonna miss an
old-school Gallagher blowout.

- Aw.
- Thanks for texting.

Mmm. Yeah.

- What's the occasion?
- Uh, Deb's kid.

- It's gonna be a long night.
- Another long night.

How was your first day at work?

Eh, a little hectic, but I did good.

- And how's the firefighter?
- When do we get to meet him?

- Ian!
- Oh, look who's here, hey!

Oh, there she is, here. Put
that out, put that out.

Look at this! Oh, my God.

She heard you laughing
and wanted to say hi.

Hey, lady. She is a beauty.

Hey.

Hello, lady.

- Oh.
- Her neck, her neck.

Support the neck. She's delicate.

Let's head up. Come on.

Deb, she's so sweet.

- I love the hair, don't you?
- She's been so fussy.

Got a head of hair on her already.

Look out, boys, here she comes.

Oh, my God, she's a Gallagher.

Hey. Hi there.

Morning. Where's Fiona?

Aren't you a bottle of bubbles?

She left early with Frank.

Trying to set a good example for Franny.

When life gets tough, you
smack on a smile your face

and face the day.

Morning, Carl. Did you buy eggs?

I can make us up a scramble.

Lip, you want eggs?

Morning, baby.

Rise and shine, Ian, I'm making eggs!

How is she so fucking perky?

Overactive adrenal gland
from sleep deprivation.

Think she's headed for a major crash.

Got clippers anywhere?

- Why, you wanna cut your hair?
- Want something more cop-like.

I mean, I'll look.

Fuck you, Frank!

Who would do this?

The lady he gave genital warts to.

Or one of G-dawg's boys.

Shit, could have been

that blind bookie Frank
screwed over last spring.

- So this is normal?
- Everybody hates Frank.

- It could have hit Franny!
- It's okay, Debs.

Nah. No, it's not "okay."

You should stop making
yourselves fine with this shit.

Set a fucking boundary.

You're not helpless. You
know, it's your house too.

50, 55 people will be around 4,000.

Includes hot buffet,
salads, hors d'oeuvres,

tables, dance floor, and P.A.

We charge extra for booze.

But you may bring your own.

Oh, Pop can scrape that
together overnight.

Right, Pop?

Four grand is not
begging-with-Liam money.

Four grand is selling-Liam money.

Well, pony up. The lady's waiting.

Listen. I did my best, but there...

There was no way that they could...

Yeah, Sean totally called it.

Sorry to have wasted your
time. Thank you so much.

Now listen, I was going
to say, I did my best

to get 'em to give me bigger bills,

but it was late, and he was running low.

What the hell was that
you pulled last night?

We're married.

Married couples have sex.

Oh, you gonna act like
this a real thing now?

You prefer to act like your
seven orgasms were not?

Seven. Damn, I lost count.

Look, I know you feel like you
owe us for what we did but...

I owe nothing.

I take what I want when I want it.

You could stop me.

I love Kevin.

I'm not gonna fuck it up again.

A woman can have romantic feelings

for more than one person.

She loves two children
at once, two friends...

We play pool now.

- Don't lock that.
- I take pool very seriously.

I have a business to run.

One game.

It's slow.

Okay. Fine.

Of pool, an actual game.

With holes and balls and shit.

No balls.

Maybe holes.

Yo.

- When you need 'em by?
- A week ago.

Gotcha.

Hey, look, uh, how long do you plan on

putting me through this shit?

You need a date?

Just curious.

I understand you feel misused.

I tend to bristle when accused
of abusing my position.

But if you feel like you're
the one pushing the boulder

up the hill while I carry the pebble,

that's a problem.

Bottom line: you and I
have boundary issues.

My fault, probably.

Moving forward,

I'd like us to err on the
side of professionalism.

What the fuck's that mean?

It means you keep your shit to yourself.

Helene, your dick, the
sorority parties, all of it.

And I'll do the same.

I'm your employer, not your daddy

or your girlfriend or your therapist.

Also, don't put me in
the awkward position

of having to decide whether to
terminate your scholarship.

Do your job, I'll do mine.

Sound good?

"Ventures into region of challenged..."

Hey. Shh...

"Ventures into a region of wonder.

Gets challenged..."

- Hey, what's up?
- Hey!

You're not gonna believe this.

Frank just forked over $1,000 in cash

for my reception.

- Are you fucking serious?
- Yeah, I know.

It's insane!

That piece of shit.

I mean, you don't...

You don't just decide when
you get to be a father.

Ah, w... that's Frank for ya.

No, I mean what's the fucking point?

I mean, why even have kids

if you can't stick by them

when shit falls apart, or like...

Like if you're the fucking
reason, I mean...

You know, all these old
narcissistic fucking alcoholics

should just crawl in a
hole and fucking die.

Wow, that's dark.

I-I thought you'd think
it was kind of funny.

Well, I guess I'm not in the mood.

- Something going on?
- No.

Nothing, I just...

I didn't get any sleep. I was up...

It was a rough morning. Look,
I gotta get this, uh...

Some work done.

Are you coming home for dinner later?

No. No, I got class tonight.

Well, I'm on my way into the church

to drop off my marriage license,

but I'm free after.

You sure you don't wanna talk...

Yeah, I got to go.

Later.

Your new liver can
handle all that, Frank?

I'm celebrating, God damn it.

I love the weight of this in my hand.

- Oh, yeah? What's the occasion?
- Fatherhood.

I did something selfless,
and I feel spectacular.

Paying for shit you're
supposed to pay for

doesn't make you Jesus.

It does if you've committed your life

to sticking it to the man.

I exist on the fringes of society.

I live by the code of the dragon.

Bank-rolling a wedding...

It's downright heroic.

So I wake babies from nap,

I bring them home, and I cook dinner.

Tonight, I make borscht.

It's my babushka's recipe.

A little bacon, a lot of misery.

Sounds amazing.

Come here.

First of all, I love you
with all of my heart,

and I love us.

That's good to know, baby.
I love you too.

Mm. Wow, you smell fantastic.

I'm in a situation.

Svetlana.

We had sex last night.

It was an accident.

Okay.

Is it gonna happen again?

It already did.

Today. O-on purpose.

It's not just sex.

Oh, my God.

- Are you a for real lesbo?
- Hell, no.

You still got me dick-whipped, but...

something's going on.

"Something"? What the fuck, V?

I thought you two were bonding
like a couple of regular girls,

not carpet munchers!

We were, and then we weren't.

I'm just as confused as you are.

I'm not confused! I am
fuckin' pissed off.

And strangely turned on.

Which is very confusing.

This is like my worst nightmare
and greatest fantasy

all combined into one.

Oh, my God.

Does she feel the same way about you?

I didn't ask, and honestly,

I don't even know how I feel.

Then why the fuck are you telling me?

Because...

I want to keep doing it.

With her. And with you.

And with you and her together, but...

And I'm not sure what to do about that.

All right, stop.

I need to think about this.

But I have a massive
erection, and I need to wait

for that to go down first.

The Klein-Gordon equation.

The Dirac equation. Mr. Gallagher.

Glad to have you back.

And the free field...

Einstein equation.

Or we could use the
scale relativity theory

to explain the origin

of how wave functions are generated.

You know, like most people do.

That's an option, of course.

No, it's the standard, actually.

People stopped using field
theory for this shit

back in the '90s, which is about

when you started pickling your
frontal cortex with Scotch.

Both ways

of reconciling wave functions
are perfectly valid.

Nope. Well, I mean, not anymore.

You know, you should read up on it.

Maybe you'll learn something.

- Excuse us.
- What, what, what?

Fucking what?

You smell like a distillery.

You're losing your shit.
Go home, sober up.

I changed your shirt

when you woke up covered
in your own vomit.

I listened to you bawl your face off

about some student you
fucked eight years ago.

I helped you shave your face
before your faculty meeting

'cause your hand was so fucking shaky.

You need to stop talking now, Lip.

You're doing damage to yourself.

You don't give a shit about me.

You don't give a shit about me,

because you don't have to.

Right, you're just sitting
pretty in your ivory tower,

and I'm a fucking insect
crawling on the wall,

till you squash me, right?

What, 'cause that makes you
feel fucking powerful?

'Cause you fucked up your own life,

and you fucking hate yourself for it.

And I was your ticket
out of the gutter, pal.

And you just blew it.

You're officially fucking fired.

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! God, God!

Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck!

Okay, wait, so we don't

cut the jacket for IV access?

No, not if it's leather or down.

Leather's too hard to
cut, down, you'll be

pulling feathers out
of the rig for months.

- Got it.
- Nap time.

See you in 20, okay?

Yup.

The results from your
background check came in.

You voluntarily committed yourself

to the Cook County Psych Ward?

I'm on medication now.

For?

Bipolar.

You lied on your application?

I got perfect scores on my exams.

Did you lie on your certification too?

Well, you wouldn't have hired
me if I'd told you the truth.

You're firing me.

I can't have someone

- on my team I don't trust.
- Shit.

It's paperwork, all right?
That shit is meaningless.

We don't allow people
with a documented history

of mental illness to
work here for a reason.

I'm good at my job
because of my illness.

I can stop a bipolar kid from
jumping through a window

on a fucking 26 call.

Debbie?

Debbie?

Yeah.

I dropped her.

I fell asleep, woke up. She
was facedown on the floor.

Okay. Okay, it's okay.

Hey, look. She's fine.

I got you. It's okay, hey.

Not even a scratch.

Look.

She's fine.

Fine, look.

Not even a scratch.

Babies are resilient.

I can't stop her from crying.

I can't even feed her enough.

I'm a terrible mother.

You care so much.

Okay, that's all that she needs.

Come here.

Hey, you're burnin' up.

Does your breast feel tender?

Debs, you got a clogged duct.

Hey. It's okay.

It's okay. It happened
to Monica all the time.

We just need to clear the duct. Okay?

A warm compress and some Ibuprofen.

You'll be all good.

I'll go get a hot water
bottle started, okay?

I got it.

Okay, I'll get Ibuprofen.

Deb. Deb.

She wants her mom.

Go on.

Freezing in here.

Someone leave a window open?

Oh...

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure thing, son.

Frank, a brick came in
the front window today.

It's addressed to you.

Huh.

Usually they come after the holidays.

You don't see a problem with this?

Well, not if no one got hit.

You know, I thought you
were gonna thank me

for dropping a load of money
on your wedding this morning.

Where'd you get the money?

In an honorable, ethical fashion.

Define "honorable."

Coaxed from an unwilling party.

Define "party."

The parents of the boy
that got Debbie pregnant.

It's amazing what the threat
of a statutory rape charge

will do to make a man
start sweating coins.

You threatened Derek's parents

by accusing their son of statutory rape.

You did what?

Debs!

We need to maintain the upper hand

if we're gonna get him
to keep writing checks.

This is her life. This
is Franny's family.

You know, they're not a
human ATM machine, Frank.

You're taking money from them?

Their son spooged a baby into you

and then flew the coop.

That's abandonment. They owe us!

- He'll never speak to me again!
- Shh, shh.

Okay, hey, calm down, calm down.

Frank told Derek's parents
that he statutory raped me

so he'd give him money.

Really?

Oh, fuck, Frank.

That's a dick move.

It's a move that paid for the deposit

on your restaurant... You're welcome.

Do you hear yourself?

Even when you say you're helping,

it's all about you.

Wind up another brick
through the window...

No problem, no biggie,
it's just my kids' house.

It's...

What's for supper? I'm famished.

Okay. Frank?

You're not paying for our wedding

with your crooked money,
and you're not gonna

ruin her relationship
with her new family,

and you're not gonna smash

Fiona's heart for the 500th time!

Okay, good lord! Enough of this shit.

That's my pork chop!

Excuse me. That's my pork chop.

This is my house.

It's my fucking family.

And yet, you treat 'em like shit.

You don't deserve to walk
your daughter down the aisle.

- Aah!
- Huh?

What, what?

- Stop!
- Stop!

Frank!

- Stop!
- Stop!

Stop this!

Oh, my God! Frank!

- Stop!
- Stop!

Ah... fuck!

Stop! Oh, my God,

you're gonna fucking kill each other!

- Frank!
- Mother...

- Stop!
- Aah!

Hey!

- Hey!
- Stop it!

- Hey!
- Stop!

Oh, my God, what did you do?

Chokehold.

Cops do it.

Is he breathing?

Daddy?

Frank?

You're a fucking asshole, Frank.

God! You were doing so great.

Ya almost pulled it off.

And then you had to go
fuck it all up again.

Get the fuck outta here!

Go!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You're on parole. You wanna go to jail

for fighting with that fucking asshole?

I was standing up for you.

I don't need you to stand up for me.

I can stand up for myself!

That's not fucking standing up for me.

That shit's not about me.

That's about your fucking ego!

My heart is not getting shattered.

I don't have a heart
when it comes to Frank.

Come on.

Let's get you cleaned up.

You like that, motherfucker?

Oh, you feel that shit?

Fuck you, Youens!

Hey!

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

* You say you want satisfaction *

* I said I'll give you reaction *

* 'Cause I'm feeling sentimental *

* And a bit experimental *

* And I wanna see you cry *

* Is a smile what you want *

Freeze!

What the fuck!

- Get the fuck off me!
- Stop moving!

Fuck!

Shit!

The fuck you looking at?

Somebody who got his ass
kicked pretty good.

I was defending my family.

From what?

My daughter's fianc?.

Arrogant fucking dirtbag.

Struts around like he's
God's gift to mankind.

Newsflash, buddy.

You run a garbage-y diner in
a garbage-y part of town.

Nothing to strut about.

Man, what I wouldn't give to
see him bounce off the bumper

of a rig doin' 80.

Then get pierced by the
wing of a low-flying plane.

And then butt-fucked by a flock
of Canadian geese.

- How much?
- How...

What? How much what?

How much money, dumbshit?

The fuck are you talking about?

Hypothetically speaking.

Say a fella just got canned.

Eh, like an hour ago.

Say this same fella,

he's got no moral issue

extinguishing the life
of an arrogant dirtbag.

Go on.

Now, this newly canned fella
meets an irate guy on a train.

Irate guy needs a dirtbag taken out.

How much would he pay for that?

What if irate guy only has
two grand to his name?

- In cash?
- Maybe.

On his person?

Maybe.

Canned fella might wanna talk some more.

This is my stop.

It's half.

The other half when it's done.

"Bruno."

So...

Are we gonna have a fuck
schedule or a fuck calendar?

You see, like, Sunday will be V and Kev.

Monday will be V and Kev and Svetlana.

Tuesday, just be V and Svetlana.

Am I gonna get my own
night with Svetlana?

Oh, shit, that's awesome.
Oh, date night!

Am I dating both of you in
addition to fucking you?

Do we all go on dates together?

Who's gonna be the third wheel?

I'm wondering if we should tell people.

No other dudes. No other dudes.

Part of me wants to brag, but
the other part's like, whoa,

this is kinda freaky-deaky.

Keep it close.