Shameless (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 5 - There's the Rub - full transcript

- This is what you missed last week on
Shameless... - Come on, Lip, I'm going home.

You let some dude finger you
last night on the El?

You make it sound so filthy.

And he's not just any dude.

No, he's your boyfriend's
brother!

Yo, Robbie, it's me.

To Kevin Ball,
I leave my beloved

- "Alibi Room."
- What?

Why don't you send me $500
a month

- for two years.
- Okay.

No one's getting laid
till they get paid.

Look, I got
the labor force already.

All I need is the clientele
and a location.

- You've got both.
- I want to enlist.

- Phillip.
- It's Lip.

It's just Gallagher now.
Get on.

I want you to break my leg.
I need the insurance money.

It's the only way I'll be able
to pay for the transplant.

Aah!

My own daughter isn't even
a match!

- Daughter?
- Oh, fuck it.

Get... out!

You know, I'm getting pretty
damn tired of everybody

telling me where I should be
and what I should be doing.

Well, then, stop making them
have to!

Grow the fuck up!

I need a-a beer
for my daughter here.

♪ think of all the luck
you got ♪

♪ know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ round up the friends
you got ♪

♪ know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

You're wondering why
I picked this corner?

- I'm really not.
- Well, it's 'cause--

You call me when I'm with Mike.

Text me when I'm with Mike.

How about we just cut out
the middleman, which is me,

and you can fuck your brother?

I'm bringing you there.

No. You're going on
with your life, I'm--

Oh, this motel?
It's classy.

Rooms by the hour.
That's why it's fun.

You know how last time

when I told you
to stop texting me

and it turned into sex?

This isn't that.

I don't know why
it took me this long

to start hating myself,
but I got there.

It's a shitty feeling.

I'm not punishing you
or blaming you.

I just really need this to end.

_

_

Phillip Gallagher?

Yeah, who's asking?

Fort Dearborn Military Police.

Can you step out of
the stall please?

You know, I'm gonna be busy
for a while,

but you can join me if you want
to wipe my ass.

Wait, what the fuck, man?

- Hey, hey!
- Sergeant, wait!

You're Phillip Gallagher?

Jesus, what the hell's
going on?

Or do you get off on watching
guys taking a dump?

Is that your
social security number?

Blow me.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck.

Do you know this man?

No, I've never seen him before
in my life.

Any idea how he got a hold of

your name and social security
number?

No, but it's pretty scary,
you know?

I'm feeling pretty fucking
violated over here.

What's he, uh,
what's he wanted for?

For impersonating you,
apparently.

Also for attempted theft
of government property

and being away without leave.

Wow, no shit.
What did he try and steal?

Helicopter.
Surface-to-air missile.

- Army issue boxer bris.
- Sergeant!

Mr. Gallagher,
we may need you to testify.

We'll be in touch.

Well, at ease, gentlemen.

I've always wanted to say that.

So this is it.

This is where my dad lives.

In all its grandeur.

No one's home?

Thought I might meet
my brothers and sisters.

Yeah, well,
they're pretty busy.

Anyway, we should hit the road.

Time to find out what this

foot is worth to
the damn insurance company.

Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Here.

- For your toes!
- Ah.

Come on, sit down.

Hopefully, they won't break
our hearts again this season.

So, um, there's something
I have to say.

You and me, we have...

a connection.

I mean, last week I was trying
to get you into the sack.

It's understandable
under the circumstances.

I thought,
"The sex is gonna be amazing,"

and then I found out
you were my dad,

so that was, like...
an adjustment.

Sure.

My whole life,

I've been looking for a daddy.

The old men who'd get lucky
with me at last call,

the bass player who got herpes
in Manila,

and now, at last, I have you.

Only--

What?

You didn't come find me

because you need
another daughter.

You just need a liver, right?
And I'm gonna help you find one,

but if that's all this is...

- No, no.
- Then I--

No.

I mean, yes, initially I sort of
looked at you as an organ farm,

but when you figured out
we were family,

you didn't treat me like
the rest of my kids--

rats leaving a sinking ship.

And, hell,
I wouldn't have blamed you.

But you stuck around.

You gave me hope.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I hate to cry.
Oh.

I'd be crying too
if I wasn't so high.

Come on, daddy.

Let's go get you
some money, huh?

Mm.

_

_

Hey, you wanna guess.

Guess what?

What we're doing
for your birthday.

Hmm.
Going dancing?

- Mm-mm.
- I mean, skydiving?

- Mm.
- Sex club?

I knew it.
Sex club.

- I'll wear my crotchless teddy.
- Uh, cocktail attire.

Wear something warm in case
we want to hang outside.

Ah, I've never been to
an outdoor sex club.

Oh, yeah, you know what?

Speaking of romantic,
intimate getaways-- my mom.

Ew.

She wanted us
to come grill tonight.

- She did?
- Mm-hmm.

- That's so nice.
- Yeah.

So it's just us.
And Robbie.

And my parents.
Is that okay?

Perfect.
Sure.

I own the Alibi Room!

It's a bar,
which you may not know,

because your fucking scaffolding
is covering the sign!

Uh-huh.

Your guy said that--

Your-- your--

Excuse me!

Can you please stop
jackhammering

for one minute?
Thank you!

Your guys said the scaffolding
is to check the building

- for loose bricks or something.
- Correct.

Yeah, then why are you
digging up the sidewalk?

New sewer line.

I depend on walk-in business,
all right?

Customers see the sign,
they go,

"Hey, that's a nice bar.

I want a drink there."

Here's the important part.

They need the sidewalk
to walk into my bar!

How long?

What?

How long is it gonna be
torn up?

A day or two?

More like six or seven.

Seven days?

Weeks.

Fuck!

Hey.

- No way.
- Lip!

- You're home!
- Hey.

Thought it was time
I stopped by, check in.

- How are the coeds?
- Oh, it varies by coed.

- What's this?
- Creepy art she's making

- 'cause her boyfriend dumped her.
- A boyfriend?

I'm expressing myself
creatively.

You're counting underarm hair
with a mirror.

Check it out, four new ones.

Get off of me!

Phillip!

How nice!

No one told me you'd be home!

Sheila, wha--
what are you doing here?

Good question.

Well, Fiona's at work,

and then she has a barbecue
at Mike's house,

and I said I'd be happy
to watch the kids.

Nice, and you and Liam here
having a candle-lit dinner?

Well...

Fiona said it was okay
if I had my date over.

It's actually our fourth date.

He's such an interesting man.

What's the music?

"Tribal Twilight,
Recorded Songs

Of The Menominee Indian Tribe."

That would be my succotash.
Hold on.

Okay.

There you go.

Hey, um, you guys heard anything
from Ian?

Not for weeks.
And Fiona doesn't even care.

What about the US army.
You hear anything from them?

We're looking
for Phillip Gallagher.

He's at college.

- No.
- Why the army?

- 'Cause Ian joined up.
- Cool.

Is he old enough?

No, he used my name
and social when he signed up,

and then he tried to steal
a helicopter

and a bunch of other shit.
Went AWOL.

Helicopter?
Awesome.

- Does Fiona know?
- No, not yet.

You know when
she's gonna be back?

She doesn't always come home.

- Lots of Sheila babysitting.
- You could call her.

No, it's not the kind
of news you want

to deliver on the phone.

Hey, is that your boyfriend

with the toothpicks in his head?

It's sort of abstract.
I'm calling it "True Love."

Super creepy.

Collectors will pay millions
for it one day.

An early work from Debbie
Gallagher's collage phase.

- I'll see you guys later, okay?
- Where you going?

I'm gonna go ask around
about Ian.

See if anyone's heard from him.

- Okay.
- Bye.

Like you know anything
about art.

All right, turn to the left.

And raise the leg.

Yeah, now make a sad face.

What, do I look happy?

Oh, man.

Totally thought you were gonna
wuss out on me on this,

come back with a hairline
fracture, but this?

This is a masterpiece.

I mean, this is like a aerial
photo of ground zero.

You should be very proud.

Just tell me
we can get 100 grand.

Oh, I'd say 100Gs, easy.

That's wonderful.

I am just going to get
my hands on the forms.

She signs as a witness, right?

We file the claim, and then
you get a check in 16 months.

What-- 16 months?
No, that's too long.

My liver is failing now.

Well, I can push for
a quick settlement.

- How quick.
- A year?

Hey, Frank, they're not gonna
just hand you the cash, okay?

Suck it up and survive.

Stay with me tonight.
I'll take care of you.

I'm gonna need more meds.

Hey.

Mandy ain't here.

That's good, 'cause I came
to talk to you.

The fuck you want?

You heard anything from Ian?

No.

It's important.

So you think I give a shit

'cause I worked with the guy?

You're gonna make me
spell it out?

What the fuck you getting at?

Nothing, I'm just worried
about him.

That's all.

Well, I haven't seen him.

How hard was that?

He in trouble?

What kind of trouble?

I'll tell you when I find out.

Robbie, tell them what you
were saying about the turkey.

- Yeah?
- Turkey?

When I was at Ted's in Oregon,

he wanted me to try
his famous deep-fried turkey.

So we put this hot oil pressure

- cooker thing in the yard...
- Right.

And put the turkey in,
and it exploded.

Set the entire side of
his house on fire.

- No way.
- Fire trucks, all that.

They put the fire out,

and the house
was more or less okay.

But then we saw the turkey
by the swimming pool.

This is really good.

- Oh, you've heard this?
- Pull a drumstick off

and try it...

and it was really, really good!

Can you believe it?

- Wow.
- That's funny.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

Did dad tell you how
I want to move to Portland?

- No.
- Oh, that's interesting.

'Cause he said he spoke to you
and you were the one

who talked him out of writing
the check to cover my move.

No, he didn't mention that
you were moving to Oregon.

- Hmm.
- Can we not do this

- with a guest here?
- What, Fiona?

She's practically family, mom.

Look, Robbie,
I haven't told dad anything

that I haven't said to you,

all right, and I think it's
a smart idea for--

- I don't tell you what to do.

And so if you want to sell cups
for the rest of your life

with dad, go for it, all right?
Sit behind a fake wood desk

all day and make payments
on your duplex

and your cool Dodge Challenger.

What, are you chasing
your dreams, is that it?

How's that working out, Robbie?

Fiona...

can you give me a hand with
the skewers?

- I'd love to.
- Thanks.

I don't have anything
against--

That lakeboat looks gorgeous
at night, all lit up.

What?
What lakeboat?

- Mike said for your birthday--
- Uh, Bill!

It was a surprise.

- I thought it was--
- Oh, he made it

perfectly clear.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

I'll pretend I'm surprised.

And now that you mention it,
it does sound fun.

It's wonderful.

I took Nancy there
a few years ago.

Aw, it was so romantic.

Got a table by the window.

There's seating on the outside,

but it gets pretty cold
out there.

Just bring a warm coat.

There's a lit dance floor
and, I guess, a DJ

or a live band, depending.

We just sat at our table,
got--

God damn it!

- What?
- Stop it, you two--

Stop! Stop it, stop!

- Oh, my God.
- Fuck off!

Stop it!

- What happened?
- Stop it.

What did you say?

Everything okay?

I'll wait inside.

No, you should go.

Mike, I don't know what
he sa--

Please, just go.

Actually,
my deceased ex-husband

had very strong
Christian beliefs,

and I would go to church
with him,

but I've got to admit,
it's been a while.

- I'm not a Christian.
- What?

Good way to meet
nice white women.

Oh, well, I'll take that
as a compliment.

- My eyes enjoy you.
- Oh!

Don't let me interrupt.

I stashed some THC edibles
in the freezer.

I gotta--

What was your name again?
Climbing Weed?

- Running Tree.
- Oh.

You're Indian?
The feather, not the dot?

He's a Menominee Indian, Frank.

We both are, actually.

My great-grandmother was raped
by a Menominee warrior,

and I'm learning all about
the culture.

- Isn't this a great country?
- Yeah.

Just one, big, rapey
melting pot.

Frank, we're just--
we're having dinner.

No, I'm fine.

Can I ask you
a delicate question?

Thanks.

On the Indian reservation,

you people drink yourselves
unconscious,

but I never hear of an Indian
getting a liver transplant.

- Why is that?
- Government won't pay for it.

- So we use a sweat lodge.
- Yeah?

It's a ceremony.

It cleans your liver,
your spleen.

Opens your soul
to the great spirit.

And it's a real high.

Releases the toxins
in your fat cells.

It's like snorting oxy, man.
It's beautiful.

Do-- do you think it would work
for my liver?

- This baby's on its last legs.
- No question.

But I live in a condo.
No place to build a lodge.

Well, you could use my yard.

That would be all right
with you?

Oh, I think it would be
just wonderful.

Hmm.
It's been a while.

But, hell yes.
Let's do it.

- Fuck Western medicine.
- To sweatin' it out.

To sweating it out.

To sweatin' it out!

What is that?

I'm gonna put this sign outside

so people know to come in
the back.

_

You realize that's not how
you spell "Come," right?

- Shit.
- Baby, he saw you.

Alan.

How are you, my friend?
What can I get you?

Well, let's see.
I'll start with two

legally-mandated monthly
payments of $500 each.

And I'd love to give them
to you,

but this bar is
a financial black hole.

And now the city has blocked
our front door,

so people think we are closed.

The minute we turn it around
you'll get paid, I promise.

Well, you're keeping up with
my father's legacy.

- We're trying.
- Violating my trust

and screwing me over!

Even dead, he fucks me!

$1,000, tomorrow.
Understand?

Was he threatening us?

Yeah, he's gonna beat us
to death with his limp wrist.

Though he did inherit
his father's gun collection.

True.

And his daddy was a loan shark.

He might have learned
a few tricks of the trade.

So far, this day
has sucked ass.

What kind of clues
are we looking for?

Uh, a friend of Ian
we don't know about,

an address.
Anything, really.

He really stole a helicopter?

Doesn't sound like Ian.

You're worried?

Yeah.
Yeah, you know,

it would be nice to find him
before the army does.

I can help look for him
after school tomorrow.

It would be great if
you could talk to Mandy.

You don't want to?

She's mad at you, isn't she?

Yeah, we reconnected,
and things got complicated.

- Did you have sex?
- What?

You don't have to tell me.

Yeah, but...

you know, it was no big deal.

If it wasn't sex,
then what was the problem?

Everything else.

Tell me what you told Mike!

The truth!
He needed to know.

Oh!

Oh, that was for his sake?
How generous.

I did you a favor, okay?

Fuck you.

You don't want to be with him.

You don't know shit about me.

- Oh!
- Shit!

You've got to be kidding me.

- Ah!
- Uh-- 'scuse--

Hey, you mind not swinging
that shit around?

You're gonna fuckin'
hurt someone.

- This is your fault!
- Mine?

I'm practically tripping
over these bitches.

I want them gone, now!

I was gone ten fucking minutes!

Yo, it's Mickey.
In or out?

I told you, I'm in.

I'm just not looking forward
to discussing it with my wife.

I'll call you back.

Baby?

- Yeah?
- You know how we were talking

about using Stan's apartment
to generate some income?

Rent it out.

Or, we could open up
another business.

Since this one
is going so well.

You know how expensive it is
to get a business license?

Unless we don't need one.

Svetlana and her girls
are out of work--

Wait. Wait a minute.

Do you want to open
a whorehouse?

No, of course not!

Just a rub and tug.

It's a massage with
a happy ending.

I know what a rub and tug is.

Those girls
are trained professionals.

And compared to this place,
it's pure profit.

Baby, look, we are victims of
a society that squeezes

the lower middle class,
screws up our businesses

because of jackhammers
and taxes and regulations

and unnecessary paperwork,

basically forces us
to do illegal shit.

Now I'm having four kids!

And if that means I've got
to turn out some Russian whores

to feed my family and pursue
the American dream,

that's how it's gotta be!

I was gonna say
I think it's a great idea.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Let's get those bitches tuggin'.

There you go.

It means a lot,
you looking after me like this.

Oh.

I am a lucky public--
oh, Jesus Chr-- ow!

Chuckey, be careful!

No, no, it's fine.
It's fine.

- He didn't mean to.
- No.

Did you, Chuckles?

Funny kid.

- It's nice to be with family.
- It sure is.

Morning, Debs.

Morning.
Oh, probably not a good time

- to tell Fiona about Ian.
- And why is that?

Her and Mike broke up.
Heard her talking to V.

And after a breakup, a woman's
not in the mood for bad news.

Hi, Mike.

Sorry for the 15
stalker voicemails.

I'm assuming you don't want
to see my face

in the office, but maybe
I should come get my stuff.

I'm not really sure
how to handle it,

so, uh, call me if, uh...
Yeah.

Hey.

Doesn't sound like a fun night.

Every time I close my eyes,
I see Mike.

- The way he looked at me.
- Mm.

Last night, after a 16-hour
work day at the Alibi,

Kev and I heated Tater Tots
for dinner.

And when I picked up
those little brown lumps

out of the microwave,
Kev made this face.

That's how you look when
you talk about Mike.

- What?
- Mike's a nice guy,

but you were never
that into him.

I have never made that face.

Mike is a Tater Tot.

There's no way
that he doesn't fire me.

Not to mention,
his dad owns the company,

- and he was there last night.
- Ouch.

I was getting so used to
a steady paycheck.

Groceries without coupons,

and wine in a bottle
instead of a box.

You think they'll pay me
for last week, or just stiff me?

Oh, health insurance.

I mean, we have to get to the
dentist before they cancel it.

Told you.

Morning.

Holy shit!
When did you get home?

Last night.

- So good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.

Unless you failed out
of school.

Why are you here?

It's your birthday.

My birthday.

She wasn't planning
on celebrating with us,

but now we can have
our party here.

Kev will bring cheap booze.

Like, really cheap.

I can pick up a cake
from the supermarket.

- I know this is hard.
- Thanks, Debs.

Hope those aren't for us.

Back to bag lunches,
I'm afraid.

Bologna and cheese.

You can't just start giving us
lunch money and then cut us off.

I know. I'm sorry.

If Mike wants to fire you,
make him act like your boss

and write that shit
on a human resource form.

"I terminated this employee
because I was screwing her,

and then she started screwing
my brother."

- You what?
- Really?

My bad.
But seriously, this shit

is the definition
of sexual harassment.

So I'm just gonna go into the
office like nothing happened,

with everyone staring at me
and hatin' me?

Do you need the paycheck
or not?

Where are the massage tables?

Hey, you know how much
those things cost?

Look at this, Salvation Army,
10 bucks each.

All we gotta do is hang some
sheets, divide the space up.

Yeah, but what about
the cleanup?

What about it?

Isn't there gonna be jizz
all over the floor?

You're over-thinking this,
man.

Look, we've got everything
we need.

Lube, Clorox, all in bulk.

- How much we charge?
- 50 bucks, girls get 17.

17?
Same as Sasha?

At least over there,
we have walls.

- We have tables.
- Yeah, and we learned

a valuable lesson--
anyone can jerk a cock.

I jerk mine, he jerks his.

Learn a unique skill
or shut the fuck up.

No one knows what
the fuck you're saying.

Hey, Fiona.

Fiona.

Good morning.

Can you come with me?
I need to speak with you.

- Everything okay?
- Better if we speak privately.

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday, dear Fiona ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

Make a wish!

Oh... attagirl!

Yeah!

Get some plates and napkins.
Come on, we're hungry.

Got some cake to eat!

- Do you like chocolate?
- Yes!

I want to help, but if Ian
wanted me to share where he was,

- you'd already know.
- He called you?

I didn't say that.

What do you know
about Ian's sex life?

Well, he's gay.

There's an old boyfriend
of Ian's.

- From how long ago?
- No, I mean like "Old" old.

Like, over 40.

I don't know his name,
but if you find him,

ask him about Ian.

Anything?

Yeah, said we should ask
Ian's old boyfriend?

Someone with gray hair?

Jimmy's dad.

He crawled into my bed once,
poked me with a full chub.

- Wait, you mean Ned?
- Yeah, Ned.

Wait, so Jimmy's dad
was Ian's boyfriend?

I'm not sure they ever made it
to boyfriend status,

but, yeah, that's who Mandy's
talking about.

Chicago.
Yeah, Dr. Ned Lishman.

Come on in!

Running Tree, this is Frank's
daughter, Sammi,

and her son, Chuck.

Sorry I'm late, Sheila.

I couldn't find anyone
to watch the kids.

Oh, that's no-- What kids?

Oh.

Oh.

Brought the whole tribe,
did ya?

Y-you didn't tell me
that you had kids.

- You never mentioned it.
- My sister's.

She ran off a few months ago
with her junkie boyfriend.

Well, hello, and welcome
to all of you.

- What are your names?
- This is Dale, Ben, Sarah,

Denise, and Gary.

Hello, Gary.

What's your Indian name?

Gary.

Oh.
Well, I'm Sheila.

Just Sheila.

We're gonna need some help
building this lodge.

These kids are useless.

- What do you need?
- Well, we need a dozen

7-foot saplings, 2 dozen
fist-sized basaltic rocks,

kindling, a couple of shovels,
a pail of water,

and all the tarps, quilts,
and buffalo skins we can find.

Jesus.

Come in.

I assume this
is professional in nature?

It's not,
but it won't take long.

Can I shut the door?

I'd prefer you left it open.

I owe you an explanation,

because what I did was crazy.

And I keep asking myself
why I did it.

The only answer that
I can come up with is that

I think I was trying
to prove something.

Not to you, but to myself.

Prove that I didn't
deserve you...

or this job, your parents,
your friends...

all these nice, normal,
functional people.

I really didn't think
I deserved any of it.

And in the end, I was right.

That it?

Yeah.

Are you firing me?

No. I am transferring you
to Account Management.

I'd prefer you didn't work
for me directly.

Thank you.

I'm the one who's sorry,
by the way.

Why?

That I'm not more interesting.

You are.

I'm really not.

I hold down a job,

I look after my family,
care about telling the truth.

I'm sorry those aren't
selling points.

Um, if you, uh...

If it's all right,
I'd like you to leave now.

You're not delivering
my sushi, are you?

Uh, no, afraid not.

Do I know you?

Yeah, I'm Lip.
Ian's brother.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah!

- Yeah.
- How can I help you?

I'm afraid Jimmy hasn't been
in touch for a while.

We're looking for Ian.

Hello!

Why don't you both come inside?

Sure, yeah.

Know what pisses me off?

That Chris won't just say--

Hello.

You really got a type, huh?

What does that mean?

Um, these are Ian's siblings.

- Oh.
- Great, so you both know him.

Where can we find him?

Um... I'll let you know
when the food comes.

Okay.

I let Ian crash here
for a while.

- When?
- A few weeks ago.

Then I came home and
he was hosting a group of--

well, in my opinion--
unsavory characters.

They smashed my glass tabletop
with a bottle of Jagermeister.

When things settled down,
I asked Ian to leave.

Where did he go?

Well, he's with your mother.

Monica?

Great, so they're under
a bridge somewhere.

Oh, it was a house.

I still have the address.
You want it?

- Yeah, please.
- Ah.

Hey, Debs, why don't you, uh,
why don't you go home, yeah?

Why?

Just 'cause every time
we find Monica, you know,

we wish we hadn't.
She might not know where she is,

who she is, who we are.

I'm not a little kid.

Okay.

There's no way I'm shelling
out 50 bucks for a handjob.

- 30, maybe.
- Okay, I'll tell you what.

For 30 bucks,
you can go jerk yourself off.

We've got overhead, Tommy.
The laundry alone is killing--

Hey, I pay 30
at the Thai place,

and they wash towels too.

Damn Thai sex workers,

stealing jobs
from decent Americans.

Our girls are Russian.

They eat with forks,

not with sticks, right?

Baby, you hit up everyone
who's come in here,

all three of 'em.

What if we advertise?
Put an ad in Craigslist

or one of those free
local business things?

Hey, yeah, we can get
some meth heads

to hand out flyers and shit.

- And pay them how?
- We don't.

We just tell them
we'll pay 'em,

and if they complain about it,

we'll beat the shit
out of them.

Carl!

Carl!

Carl, hey.

I got a job for you, son.

I'm busy.

No, this is-- this is better.

We're gonna build a sweat lodge.

Great big rocks, heated by
a big fire, and a teepee--

- Big fire?
- Yeah.

Oh, this is Sammi,
your big sister.

- It's time you met.
- Hi!

Hi.

I already got two sisters.

Yeah, well, here's another one.

This is your nephew.

Chucky, baby,
this is your uncle, Carl.

Wow, they even look alike.

Oh, shit.

This is an emotional situation.

Can I talk to you for a second?

- Excuse us, would you?
- Sure.

- She's freaking me out.
- I get it.

Look, how about I take Sammi to
the Alibi for reinforcements?

You and Chuck gather saplings.

You can initiate him into
the Gallagher way.

Wait, what's a sapling?

So what happened
with this, uh, boyfriend?

Ex-boyfriend.
His name's Matt.

He's nice, but he said
we couldn't be together

because I'm a virgin, so
I tried it with someone else--

Wait, tried?

Sex.

With who?

Seth Esparelli,
in the arcade bathroom.

Jesus, Debs.

Only, it didn't work,
and I think we broke up?

I mean, I guess.

I haven't really called him
to, like--

- Confirm?
- No-- yeah.

So stressful.

Yeah.

What the hell?

I warned you not to test me.

- Who are these guys?
- My intramural tennis team.

And trust me,
they do not mess around.

Do you have my cash?

- Wait, are you all gay?
- No.

I'm not trying to be insulting,

I just want to know if you...
want a handjob.

Ned said this is the place.

Doesn't look like anyone
lives here.

Wait, Lip, don't go in there.

I have to, right?

Stay behind me.

- Let's go home.
- It's okay, Debs.

Someone's got the heat on.

This is Ian's.

Yo, Ian!

Someone's coming.

Shit.

Aah!

- Sorry!
- I have got a gun,

you motherfuckers!

I will shoot you full of holes!

No, please don't do that!

We're just looking
for our brother!

Looking for who?

Ian Gallagher?

Or-- or Monica?
She live here?

Who are you?

- Do you really have a gun?
- Yeah!

And Monica don't live here
no more.

Okay, look, this is
our brother's stuff, okay?

So he lives here, right?

Look, we're just trying
to find him.

He's at work.

And where's that?

The White Swallow.

Wait, the what?

The White Swallow, in Boystown.

All right, thank you.
Thank you.

Go, Debs, go.
Go, go, go, go, go.

♪ yow! ♪

Come on, hurry up!

♪ come on, honey,
you know what you do, yeah ♪

♪ nobody does it like she does ♪

♪ nobody does it
like she does ♪

♪ nobody does it like she does ♪

Here you go,
here's your change,

and Veronica will take care
of you.

- Nice.
- Excuse me?

No, not her.
Forget it.

- Mickey!
- Yeah?

Got a customer
to take upstairs.

Right this way, McEnroe.

Alibi.

- It's me.
- Hey! I was just about to

call you.
We're gonna be a couple

of minutes late
'cause we have customers

at the bar for
the first time in days.

Yeah, I was calling
to say I'm not

really much in the mood
for a party.

Well, that's too damn bad,
'cause Kev and I

are coming over with a gallon
of "Ivan The Terrible" vodka

and a bucket
of Cool Ranch Doritos.

If you don't want to partake,
you can watch.

Door's open!

I don't have a choice?

Bye, bitch.

Are you kiddin' me?

Happy birthday.

What the fuck
are you doing here?

Well, I thought
we could celebrate together.

Or I could stab myself
in the eye with a pencil.

By way of apologizing.

- Now it's a party.
- Coke?

Fresh out of rehab,
and you have coke?

Well, booze is the problem.

I can do coke, a little weed.

But as far as booze goes,
I'm clean.

You sound like Frank.

Who's Frank?

Oh, you got a mirror?

Oh, yeah, right here.

Oh, wait, it's a baseball bat.

Hey!
Whoa, easy, easy.

Whoa, whoa.
Okay, okay.

All right. Happy birthday.

Does he know it's us?

Yeah, I think so.
Yo!

What's up?

Hey, man.
Oh.

Debbie!

Oh, my gosh.

- You look great!
- Thank you.

You do too.

This is my brother and sister.

This is family!

Hey.

Hey, how long
you been working here, huh?

- A couple weeks.
- Yeah?

This place, it's awesome.

It's-- it's super convenient.

You guys want drinks?
They're on the house.

- No, I'm good, I'm good.
- Appletini, Appletin--

- No.
- Two Appletinis.

Okay.

Hey, Ian, is there anyplace
we could talk?

Oh, I love this song!

Yeah, look, some army MPs
came by looking for you.

They want to arrest you
for going AWOL,

- stealing government property.
- This is top-shelf.

No, hey,
did-- did you hear me?

They say you stole
a helicopter.

That's hilarious.

Is it?

Yeah, yeah, I mean,
I didn't steal anything,

I just started the rotors.

Hey, can you guys hang around
for a while?

My shift gets off at 2:00,

but I always go out after,
or hit the local gym,

depending on how pumped I am.

But seeing you guys, I-I just--
I feel great, you know?

Okay, you know what,
hey, let's go outside

so we can hear each other, huh?

- Try your drink.
- No, outside.

Come on, come here.

- Hey, get your hand off him.
- No, it's fine, it's okay.

We're brothers, all right?
We're just talking. Yo, Ian!

And I definitely need some ID.

- Come on, Ian!
- Let's go!

She's not drinking, man.
Ian!

Yo!

Why was he acting like that?

It's late.
We should go.

Is there something wrong
with him?

At least we know where
he is now, okay?

I'll come back and check on him.

Let's get you home, though,
all right?

Come on.

This is gonna make you feel
right at home.

Okay.

I've got succotash, quinoa,
and frybread

made from acorn powder,
indigenous to our people.

What was your name again?

One-Eyed Snake.

And this is Stinking Wind.

Stinking Wind.

That's unusual.

Got any burgers?

Buffalo burgers.
I've got buffalo burgers.

Would you like that?
Let me get that for you.

Hold on a second.

Hold on, hold on,
missy, hold on.

Dumb shit, why are you giving
her fake names?

- 'Cause she's crazy.
- At least she made us dinner.

Tie it tight.
Nice and tight.

- Yeah, good, good.
- Yeah, we made it!

- Holy shit.
- Okay!

Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

Look what we built.

We took it from
a whole pile of trees

from the PVC,
and then we got--

- Sammi was amazing!

She rallied the bar
by telling them the lodge

would cure impotence,
and then she led the charge

to steal blankets from the bums
on skid row.

Is she a chip off
the old block or what?

All for a good cause.

Jesus, they reek.

Yeah, well,
they'll keep the heat in.

Come on, guys, let's go.

Yay!

All right, Alan, here's $350.

I'll give you the rest
in a couple of days.

You know, Kevin,
the idea of men upstairs,

jizzing all over
dad's apartment...

works for me.

Tell your friends, okay?

All right, babe,
let Tito here take over.

- We got to get to Fiona's.
- All right, just one more shot.

Here's to good old fashioned
American capitalism.

You can keep a man down.

But you can never keep him
from getting it up.

- Yes, sir!
- Mm.

- Ow! Let's go, let's go!
- Yeah.

Chief says cover all
the holes, come on.

Dad, when Sammi was little,
did you ever think about her?

Of course I did.

Well, no, I didn't, but that had
more to do with her mother.

She was a real pain in the ass.

How come?

She wanted me to... get a job,
support them, yada, yada, yada.

How old are you now, ten?

- 12.
- Well, soon you'll knock up

your first ghetto girl
and ditch her.

But, you get to my age,
you get perspective.

You learn to embrace
the responsibilities

that come with parenthood.

Sammi's my last chance
to get it right.

What do you mean,
"Get it right"?

Huh?

I gotta go.

Now?
You're gonna miss the ceremony.

See ya.

Soon as I carry these hot rocks

into the lodge, we're ready.

You okay?

My son just took off.

Huh, look at my sister's kids.

We're out here building a
traditional fucking sweat lodge,

they're in there watching TV.
Fuck 'em.

- Move that arm!
- Oh!

Move that arm!

Move that arm, move that arm!

Liam's breaking it down!

Oh!

Hi!

♪ you'll get high
once you want to ♪

I don't care if I can't drink
or take your drugs!

I got Doritos!
Doritos are like crack!

I might even snort 'em.

♪ you can't have any warning ♪

Oh!

Well, at least Robbie got
one thing right, the prick.

Fiona, get your ass in here!

I'm gonna show you
how to break it down!

Unh, unh.

- Coming.
- Oh!

♪ you've got gum stuck
in your hair ♪

Oh, whoo!

Okay, go on.

Hey, Debs.

Thanks for coming with me today.

Yeah, thanks for letting me.

Hey!

- Hey!
- Look at Lip now!

- Cake, cake, cake, cake!
- Oh, oh!

Where you been?

Oh, we just on
a little adventure.

I'll tell you
all about it later.

Well, looks like somebody's
gonna get to keep their job!

- Oh, no shit, that's great.
- Mm-hmm.

Fiona!

- Oh, my God.
- What?

- Oh, shit.
- What's on his face?

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.

- Step back, step back.
- Oh, my God.

- Step back.
- He's not breathing!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Liam? Liam? Liam?

- Oh, my God, call!
- Liam?

Liam?
Step back, give him some room.

Liam?

- Oh, my God.
- Liam?

Copy that.
Coming inbound with one child.

BP is 200 over 120.
Heart rate's 130.

What'd he take?

Coke!
He got into my coke.

- How much?
- A half gram, maybe more.

I don't know.

- Coming through.
- He gonna be okay?

He's gonna be okay,
though, right?

Yeah, clear the way, please.

Coming through!

Three-year-old male,
cocaine ingestion.

BP's 200 over 120.
HR is 130.

- He's gonna be okay, right?
- Started 2 milligrams

of Ativan, 12 minutes out.

He's gonna be okay, right?

♪ are you still ♪

I'll get the truck.

Thank you, Great Spirit,

for this blessing, for the good
earth, plants, and trees.

The universal lifeblood
of our sweat

intermingles with the waters
of the world,

carried to the four quarters
of the planet.

We know you, healing spirit,
when you are with us.

Your voice is the voice
of all things.

You call to us--
Frank Gallagher!

- Aah!
- Jesus Christ!

Wow, it's hot.

Hey, is Frank in here?

It's about his son, Liam.

Dad?

Beat 5533, I need an ambulance.

They won't let me back there.

I was watching him at the party.

I thought he was in
the living room.

Excuse me, Liam?
Liam Gallagher?

Have a seat.

Someone will be out
with you in a minute.

What was that?

Who's Fiona?

That's me.

Put your hands
behind your back.

What?

Fiona Gallagher, you have
the right to remain silent.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, what's going on?

Anything you say
can and will be

used against you
in a court of law.

You have the right
to an attorney.

If you cannot afford one,

one will be appointed to you.

Do you understand your rights
as I've read them to you?