Shameless (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 8 - Canceled - full transcript
Oh, hey.
Look, I can't tell you
what happened last week
on Shameless.
I'm dealing with a bit
of a plumbing issue.
- Fuck!
Debbie!
Hey, get up here, all right?
Franny tried to flush
a Care Bear
down the toilet again.
Dementia?
Motherfucker!
How did I get here?
Fiona? Lip?
Terry's coming home today.
They sending him home
with a nurse
-or something at least?
-I don't think so.
Can I help?
My mom's moving to Louisville.
She says there's no community
here for her anymore.
I just wanna crawl into bed
and cry myself to sleep.
Look, we sell
the stuff from Born Free,
-that'll carry us for a while.
-Can't use my garage.
Yeah, we couldn't
use that anyway.
You know, it's the first place
cops would look.
-The cops?
-Yeah, they might come
pokin' around.
Hey, did you hear
Born Free
-got broken into last--
- Brad and I broke in.
I just--I needed to do
something.
And if you get caught
and go to jail,
what is that gonna fix?
So why didn't you
tell me you abandoned a kid?
You ran out on people
who needed you
because you wanted to
go do your own shit.
You are piling all your
abandonment issues on me.
Monica ran out on you,
and now the rest of them
wanna run out on you too.
Fuck!
What the fuck
are you doing?
-We're selling!
-No!
- Hey--
Does
Philip Gallagher live here?
He's inside.
Just be careful.
He's got a sledgehammer.
rock music
Think of all
the luck you got
Know that
it's not for naught
You were beaming
once before
But it's not like that
anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up
the friends you got
Know that
they're not for naught
You were willing
once before
But it's not like that
anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Psst!
Psst!
Hey!
Psst! Psst!
You wanna watch me jerk off?
Thanks, but fuck no.
Hey, you got any updates
on what's goin' on?
When the detectives
are ready for you,
-they'll let ya know.
-All right, could I get
-a sandwich or somethin'?
-Legally don't gotta provide
any food, 'cause legally
you're not under arrest.
All right, so legally,
I can just go.
Sure, but you try to leave,
they probably will arrest you
and bring you right back in.
Psst!
-Is Lip okay?
- Ah, he'll be all right.
It's not his first time
getting questioned.
He can handle an interrogation.
You can't just use your cop
"get outta jail free" card?
When I get in,
I'm gonna try to
grease the wheels
of justice.
Do we have
any triple-A batteries?
That's a big hole.
Coulda just said
he wanted to renovate.
Your brother's
a fuckin' drama queen, man.
Hey, scarf that shit down.
I wanna go check on Terry.
We have a lotta pick-ups today.
I don't know if we have time.
We would if you stopped yappin'
and started eatin'.
You guys remember I have
a thing after school, right?
Yeah, of course.
Wouldn't miss it, buddy.
What thing?
Don't ya want your dad there,
-cheerin' you on?
-Mm...not really.
Well, what is it, anyway?
A contest to pick a new name
for my school.
The winner
gets a free iPad.
Why does your school
need a new name?
'Cause it's named
after Dennis Hastert.
Fuck is Dennis Hastert?
Former speaker of
the House of Representative.
-Native Chicagoan.
-And a child molester.
He's canceled.
Canceled?
You can't cancel history.
It's already happened.
Political correctness
is gonna kill this country.
He diddled kids.
Uh, beside the point.
We can't be applying
today's sexual standards
to...molesters of yesteryear.
Molesting used to be okay?
Dennis Hastert
brought a lotta federal dollars
to Illinois.
I don't think
I can just stand by
while the PC police
erase his legacy.
This is the hill
you wanna die on, Frank?
-Defending a pedo?
- Defending tradition,
defending our shared history?
Yeah.
I'll die on this hill.
This is a hill
we all should die on together.
Come on.
Hey, let's go.
I wanna make sure they're
takin' care of fuckin' Terry
over there.
That one has an Uber
coming for him in ten,
and that one isn't my problem.
- Where's Debbie?
-Since when am I in charge
of keeping track of Debbie?
Aren't you in, like,
a committed
lesbian scissoring thing?
You mean a relationship?
I don't know.
We never defined it.
But, uh, since she didn't come
home last night, I guess not.
What are supposed to do
with Franny?
-We gotta get to work.
-She's not my fucking problem.
None of this shit is,
your sister included.
- Okay, come on, Franny.
I will drop you off at school
on my way to work.
Okay, hey, uh, let me know
when you find out about Lip,
all right?
Yeah.
Uh, what's that guy doing?
upbeat music
This goddamn thing
doesn't work!
-Shit!
- Mm--
- All right, my love,
I let ya sleep in.
I even turned a blind eye
when you moved from the bed
to the couch
and slept some more.
But now it's time
to carpet denim.
- What?
-Carpet denim.
It's Latin for wake up!
Oh, I just wanna sleep.
Please.
You wanna talk about it?
My mama's moving.
She's abandoning us.
-What's there to talk about?
-Oh, we can go visit
for holidays and stuff.
Who doesn't wanna spend
Christmas in Kentucky?
V, if you don't get up,
we're gonna be late
opening the Alibi.
-Who cares?
-What about the girls?
We gotta get them ready--
you don't want me
-doing their hair, do you?
-Who cares?
V, you're the one
who always says
that a white woman
can take her daughter to school
lookin' any old way,
but if a Black woman does it,
people start to question
whether she's a fit mother--
Go away!
Is there anything I can do
to get you up?
-Okay, fine.
-Oh.
- I'm up.
-Okay, great!
I'm goin' back
upstairs and gettin' into bed.
You keep botherin' me,
I'ma stab your ass.
Watch.
How'd you sleep?
Not great.
Seriously, who the fuck
do they think they are?
I'm sorry, I don't know
who we're talking about.
My family.
Sandy, her...
fucking husband,
and her secret child.
Thanks for letting me crash,
by the way.
Feel bad
I put you outta your bed.
-Couch is pretty comfortable.
-I mean, we could have shared.
Under normal circumstances,
I would have loved that.
But I can tell
you're pretty emotional,
and I didn't wanna
take advantage.
You got plans today?
Work.
-Too bad.
- But...
I'm the boss.
You wanna come?
See, I was at home
with my lady and my kid.
All right?
She'll vouch for me.
The kid, he can't talk yet,
but if he could,
he'd say Daddy was home
all night.
We have
your juvenile arrest records,
okay?
So you can drop
the choir boy act.
No, you see, tha-that's
the old me, all right?
I'm reformed now.
I'm sober, even.
You know, I'm not sayin'
I'm a saint but, uh,
I'm a family man,
makin' an honest living.
Okay, asshole,
we know that you were involved
with the robbery,
so you can either cooperate,
or we can make you cooperate.
All right, first of all,
if you knew I was involved
in the robbery,
I'd be in cuffs right now,
and second of all,
I am cooperating.
What am I doing
if I'm not cooperating?
Look, make it easy on yourself.
Tell us where the bikes are,
who helped you,
and maybe we can recommend
you avoid doin' real time.
punchy music
Hey, can I go?
Oh, motherfucker, when's the
last time that got changed?
Fuck do I know?
I can't see it.
-You can smell it, though.
-We don't have time for this.
We're behind schedule,
and we have to wrap up early
for Liam's thing.
Mickey--
What the fuck are you--
Hey, get--
Come on, man.
Aah.
What the hell, Mick?
Terry duty, asshole.
Get up!
Naw, no way, man.
I took care of him on Tuesday.
-It's not my turn--
-Empty his shit bag,
or I empty your skull--
your choice.
Uh, hey, could you
look up something
related to a recent arrest
for me?
Sure.
What's the name of the perp?
Um...Philip Gallagher.
Rookie,
are you really asking me
to break every protocol
in the book so you can
potentially interfere
with an ongoing investigation
involving one
of your family members?
Uh...
I'm fuckin' with you.
I misuse this system
all the time.
One of the perks of the job.
G-A-L-L-A
G-H-E-R.
Hmm.
No arrest yet,
but they are seeking
a warrant for his house.
Just waitin' on
a judge's signature.
Shit.
- Gallagher.
-Ah, ma'am.
Do you know who my new
training officer's gonna be?
Training officer?
That's not gonna happen.
No one wants to work with you
on account of the Carl Curse.
Ma'am?
The Carl Curse.
Everyone who trained you
ends up injured.
You ever heard of
a lucky rabbit's foot?
Yeah.
You're the opposite of that.
Now, not all bad news.
-I got you a new assignment.
-What is it?
They just walked in.
- exciting music
-Take off that uni
and meet us outside.
You're with Vice now.
Hell, yeah!
God, how cool are they?
-Damn it.
- Oh, shit.
- Bad word!
I'm sorry, girls--I just got
an email from the Man.
What do you think--
taxes, jury duty?
Unpaid parking tickets?
-Maybe it's a pizza party.
- Life lesson.
Emails from the government
are never awesome.
They always suck.
Here goes.
Is it a pizza party?
Even better.
A surprise for Mommy.
Come on.
mellow funk music
Shit.
Shit!
Fuck.
Tami, hey, it's Lip.
We got a big fuckin' problem,
all right?
Carl just told me that, um...
Can you believe it?
Uh...you know what?
Never mind.
I'll just, uh...
I'll see ya at home.
All right?
Bye.
We're just goin' to my bar.
You can wear
what you already have on.
I wore this yesterday.
If you don't like
anything I have...
No! It's not that, I just--
I don't know.
I wanna dress up a little.
Always makes me feel better,
which could definitely
help right now,
considering my mood
borders on...
homicidal rage.
You wanna talk about it?
What's to talk about?
My life might be
a dumpster fire,
but it doesn't mean
I can't look good.
Hey, what's this?
It's my ex, Haley's, old stuff.
Cute
Can I borrow some of it?
Sure.
Sweet.
rock music
funky music
These are yours?
Sure does look like it.
Get in.
Can I drive?
No.
Hey, can you at least
tell me what we're doin'?
- Dah dah dah
Dah dah dah
Dah dah
dah
Dah dah-dah
-Hey, you're up.
-Headed to my mom's.
-Why?
-I'm gonna help her pack.
Oh. You feelin' better
about her movin'?
Uh, no. I'm gonna go steal
the keys to her U-Haul.
Really?
I should.
But I decided to be
a supportive daughter instead.
Gonna approach her leaving
with a positive attitude.
Oh, positive.
Yes, asshole.
Positive, mature.
A ray of fucking sunshine.
Why shouldn't I be?
My mom's moving
halfway across the world.
-Kentucky's not that far.
-Bye, Kev.
Well, I was hoping we could
spend the afternoon together.
I have the rest of my miserable
life to spend with you.
-My mom leaves in two days.
-What time ya comin' back?
When I feel like it!
Askin' so many damn questions.
But why now?
He touched those boys
decades ago.
Doesn't cancel culture have
a statute of limitations?
Mr. Gallagher, Dennis Hastert
no longer reflects our values.
The hell he doesn't!
He was speaker of the House,
third in line
for the presidency.
He was a wrestling coach!
How else are wrestling coaches
supposed to demonstrate holds
if they don't...
grope some boys?
-Context matters.
-Please keep your voice down.
- Can I go to class?
-Yes.
And...
w-why are you
leaving it to the kids?
Kids are stupid.
The school board
wanted the children
to feel ownership and pride
in the new name.
That's why the contest has been
limited to current students
and alumni.
Alumni?
I'm an alumnus!
- You are?
- Hell, yes!
Back when it was still
J. Edgar Hoover.
Go, Feds.
No, fuck you! F--
Tough talk on the other end
of a phone, bitch.
No, no, no, no--Michigan,
fuckin' China.
It doesn't matter
where you hide out.
I am gonna hunt you down.
I'm gonna empty Terry's
shit bag in your fuckin' mouth,
you piece of shit!
Cousin Joey?
Dickhead just decided
to run off.
Hidin' out with one of his
scumbag friends in Michigan,
all so he can avoid
taking care of Terry.
Fuckin' believe that?
I mean, it is Terry.
Obviously, we can't rely
on family for this.
We're gonna have to hire
someone to do it.
Like with money?
Yeah, get one of those
house nurses or whatever.
You wanna hire a nurse?
I thought we were saving up
for our own place.
Well, shit shifted.
Shit shifted to Terry.
I have to worry about you?
The whole loyalty department?
What?
Yeah, when I'm too old
to wipe my own ass,
you're gonna be over there
counting fuckin' pennies,
decidin' whether or not
you can take care of me?
-That's different.
-Family's family.
Fine.
We'll find a fucking nurse.
Wipe your ass.
Ah.
I'll go for another.
Hey, it's five o'clock
somewhere.
Ha.
Anyone at home wondering
where you might be all day?
Trust me,
they don't give a shit.
Hey, guys.
Uh, sit anywhere you like.
I'll be right with you.
You boys celebrating something?
Uh...we're taking an extended
and hopefully very boozy
lunch break
so we can commemorate the day
this ugly bastard was born.
That's so nice.
How 'bout some shots
on the house?
On the house?
No.
I can do Happy Hour price
in honor of the birthday boy.
Will you two do a shot
with us?
I'm on the clock.
Red?
Pour 'em up.
Tam!
Yo, we gotta clear out
the boxes!
Police.
Open up!
All right,
all right, all right!
Philip Gallagher,
we have a warrant
to search the premises.
Yeah, well, come on in.
You know,
if I was a lifetime criminal
motorcycle mechanic
who just stole
a shitload of motorcycles,
I might just be dumb enough
to keep them in
the most obvious place.
Where's your garage?
Well, shit,
look, sorry, no stolen bikes,
but, uh, you're welcome to take
one of those
Christmas tree stands.
I don't know
how we ended up with two.
light guitar music
-Keep these, right?
-Oh, no. Give away pile.
What?
I love these.
It's not Christmas
without these plates.
Girl, they have been
in that box since 2007,
which, coincidentally,
is the last time
that we had dinner
at my house.
What am I gonna do with
a Santa table setting for 12
-in Louisville, huh?
-You are literally
throwin' away everything.
What's the point?
We should just back
a garbage truck in here
and shovel everything in it.
-Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
-Ma...
this is my entire childhood,
all of our memories.
Throw away the damn plates, V!
Thought helping you,
hangin' out might be fun,
but this shit is awful.
-I thought we would talk!
-Excuse me.
Had you asked instead of just
inviting yourself over,
I would've told you that I'm
too busy to hang out and talk.
Oh, shit...I gotta get
over to my storage unit.
-I'll go with.
-Uh, no, thanks.
-Why not?
-Because I've had enough
of your company today.
Look, I'm excited
about Louisville,
and you killin' my vibe.
I'm not dyin'.
I'm just movin'.
So what?
Get over it.
If it isn't
my favorite vice detectives.
Man, you know I had to
bring you some dogs
from downtown for later--
extra relish,
-extra celery sauce.
-Aw...muah!
You gentlemen are heroes.
I can never make it all the way
downtown to get these.
How're these fine machines
treatin' ya?
Uh, she rides just
a little rough,
but tell me what the story is
on that Viper over there.
I need a few days
before I can
-let ya take that one.
- What's wrong with it?
Belonged to
a parks commissioner
accused
of embezzling city funds.
Blew his brains out
in the front seat.
Still a mess on the dashboard.
Yo, wait.
So you guys just come here
and take whatever you want?
As long as it helps aid
an ongoin' investigation.
Or if we think it looks cool.
Ya got anything new?
Glad you asked.
I been able to
squirrel away a few things
for you gents.
Act now,
before it's logged as evidence.
Take what you want
You gotta take
what you want
Give it all you got
Hey, barkeep!
Another.
Take what you want...
Let's make these your last.
What? The day's young!
I have some coke,
if you're interested.
All clear.
- Hey. Hey, buddy.
-Hey.
Uh, what's goin' on?
They think
I robbed Born Free.
What? Ha.
Wait--you?
No.
Yeah.
Checked the whole house.
But came up empty-handed,
'cause...
I didn't do it.
Go ahead.
Hey, and, uh, good luck,
you know,
finding the real criminals,
guys.
Lip, we need to talk, okay?
-You cannot just--
-Shh, shh, shh.
You moved all the boxes
outta the garage?
Well, they didn't move
themselves.
Where'd you put 'em?
Uh,
in my dad's basement.
Hey.
Lip.
Y-you can't put our family
in danger like this.
You have Fred to think about.
You have me to think about.
We can't have the cops just
showing up at our house and...
hello!
Are you even listening
to a word that I'm saying?
Kay, why are you staring
at me like that?
Sorry, sorry.
It's just, um...
uh, I-I guess
this whole Gallagher thing
is finally rubbin' off on ya.
I didn't know
you had it in you.
Well...
yeah, I...
I didn't know I had it
in me either.
You know, Carl called,
told me about the warrant,
and I just...
I just acted.
It was like
something clicked in my brain,
and I just went on autopilot.
Does this make me
an accomplice?
Accessory after the fact.
Oh.
It's kinda hot.
Yeah, it is.
I thought being
a criminal would be exciting,
but I didn't know
that it would be...
sexually exciting.
-What about Fred?
- He's out like a light.
We'll be quiet.
You? I doubt it.
I'll just bite your shoulder
when I get the urge to scream.
I don't need a fuckin' nurse.
You can't walk, Terry.
You can't feed yourself.
You can't bathe yourself.
You shit in a bag.
Stop me when any of this
sounds like someone who doesn't
need a fuckin' nurse.
Then just take me to the park.
Leave me there
and let me die in peace.
Oh, see, viable option.
Even Terry thinks so.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Jasmine.
-You must be...
-Ian, yeah.
Come on in.
Mickey, Terry, this is Jasmine,
Terry's in-home health aide.
You got me a n--
Nah--
Nice lady to watch you
while we head to work.
Yeah. You fuck this up,
I'ma cut your dick off.
I wouldn't feel it anyway.
Don't you all worry.
I'm gonna take good care
of Dad here.
Thanks. I know dealin' with
Terry is a pain in the ass.
Fuckin' expensive,
but now I don't have
to worry about anything.
I can focus on work--
Just forgot something
in my car.
rock music
She's probably comin'
right back.
Yeah.
Gallagher, look alive.
All right, look,
I want you to
make a buy off this guy,
all right?
Quarter bag.
Ask for it "dusty."
All right.
But I don't have any money.
Here.
All right?
Hurry up.
Look both ways
before you cross the street.
I'm putting bodies
on the board
Like you've never seen
before...
Hey, man, I need a cop.
Loud or reggie?
Reggie. Quarter.
Make it dusty.
60.
Nah nah nah nah nah
So when
you're in my sights
Nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah-nah-nah...
Freeze, fucker!
You're under arrest.
-Turn around.
-You're a cop?
Hands on your head.
Face the wall!
What the fuck
are you doing, kid?
Making the arrest
like you said to.
No, stupid asshole!
We told you to make a buy.
No one said anything
about making an arrest.
Apologize to this guy.
Uh, I'm...sorry?
Keep the drugs, Gallagher.
Let's get outta here, man.
Come on!
Pulling guns out and shit!
Oh, God, coke is fantastic.
I know, right?
Yeah. I can see why people
become junkies
and run away
from their responsibilities.
-You know, for me,
when it comes to drugs
versus, like, a job...pffft.
Drugs win.
What kinda jobs have you had?
Ah!
Let's see, uh, I was a nurse.
I was
an elementary school teacher.
Addiction counselor.
That was fun.
Ha ha.
Uh, and now,
the, uh, assistant manager
at the illustrious
Mailbox Unlimited
Copy and Shipping Center.
Oh!
Impressive.
Is coke supposed to
make you horny?
'Cause I feel like
I need to...
hump that box right there.
Ahem.
I'm...gay.
Me too!
Well, I haven't...been
with a girl since high school.
It's like riding a bike.
Baby, don't you cry
It's time for us
to say goodbye
So all I gotta do
is put these decorations up,
and I get free beer
for a week?
Ha. Nice try.
Two days.
I don't know, man.
There's a lotta stuff in here.
-Week seems reasonable.
-All right, fine.
You know what?
I'll just ask Kermit.
-He'll probably do it for free.
-Fine!
I accept your lowball offer.
Hey, babe!
How are you?
You doin' good?
Feelin' better
that you saw your mom?
No. She had to get something
from storage,
-so might as well work.
-Okay, well,
how 'bout we get outta here,
do something to cheer you up?
No, thanks.
Here to work.
How 'bout Ron Popeil?
Ronco HQ was right down
the street.
That's a great idea.
Hugh Hefner Middle School, huh?
-Think about it.
-Fellas. Ditka.
Mike Ditka Middle School.
Contest over.
-Ooh!
-What are you fools
talkin' about?
Frank's trying to name
his old junior high.
Why does it need a new name?
It doesn't.
That's the point.
It was fine the way it was.
-Hear, hear.
-Nevertheless,
I need a surefire winner
so it doesn't get coopted
by a bunch of politically
correct millennial activists.
Last thing I need
is my son attending
Tofu Middle School of
Multicultural Granola Studies.
What's it called now?
Dennis Hastert Middle School.
-The child molester?
-Former Speaker of the House.
Why are you guys worried
about trying to protect
some meaningless,
symbolic name anyway?
How 'bout you try to protect
the real Chicago,
the real South Side,
the people and institutions
who make this town great?
If you hadn't noticed, they're
being shut down every day.
Because this renaming trend
is bullshit.
It's just another way
for society
to erase the hard work
of white guys.
Because at some point,
and who knows why,
being a white guy
suddenly became uncool.
Or maybe white guys are finally
being held accountable
for all of the horrible stuff
they've done,
like child molestation,
for example.
And you, in particular,
don't have to worry about
when white men became uncool,
'cause as far as I can tell,
you've always been...
whatever this is.
-Ha ha ha.
- Ho ho ho!
And, Frank,
why waste your time?
Liam's gonna be outta that
school and on to a high school
with an equally problematic
name in no time.
They're trying to erase
the history of white men
who built this great country.
How far back are we going
with this revisionist
history crusade?
Do we have to reexamine Adam
at the Garden of Eden?
You think Adam was white?
Ha ha ha.
The point is,
I went to that school.
Best years of my life
in those halls,
in those classrooms.
Year I played baseball,
we had a bully on the team.
Johnny Wisneiwski.
A big, fat bruiser.
He could hit a ball...
almost a mile.
If you made an error
in the game,
Johnny was sure to use
the wet end of his towel
to rattail your genitals
in the shower
to remind you of how useless
you were.
Everybody was scared to death
of big, fat Johnny Wisneiwski.
Well, one day, he thwacked
my naked wet ass
with that towel,
and I blew up.
I pantsed him.
What do you think we saw?
His dick.
I'm guessing you saw his dick.
Not just any dick.
The tiniest little button
of a pink dick
you've ever laid your eyes on.
And Johnny Wisneiwski's
reign of terror
ended that very day,
thanks to yours truly.
I was king after that.
And all my kids went there.
There are Gallagher memories
embedded in every inch
of that school.
Should probably be called--
No.
It should definitely
be called
Gallagher Middle School.
Gallagher Middle School.
Outstan--
Gallagher Middle School!
Jesus! Of course!
Whadda ya say we do this:
we go pick up the girls,
we stop for expensive froyo
with all the fancy toppings,
huh?
How many times I have to
tell you I'm not in the mood?
I know, but I think today
could be really special
if we let it be.
It would make me happy,
and I'm pretty sure
it could make you happy too.
Please.
For me.
The love of your life.
Fuckin' froyo.
Ohh...
Hey, I'm gonna take a shower.
And while I'm in there...
Yep?
Think up our next caper.
-Caper?
- You a Batman villain?
-Uh, more like Bonnie.
You know, Bonnie and Clyde?
Yeah.
Think I mighta heard of them.
Something where
we almost get caught
but then we get away with it.
We could...
-pull a bank robbery.
-Or a jewel heist.
I mean...
I would consider
murder for hire.
Hey, uh,
gotta go to this thing Liam's
doing at his school later.
-Mm-hmm.
- Wanna come?
Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I can pretend to be
a law-abiding citizen
for the night.
Oh.
Hey, Cami.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Slow down.
He was crying?
About what?
-I'm confused.
- What?
The cops?
They want Brad to come in
for questioning? When?
No, no, he's gonna crack.
rock music
He's on his way
to the station now?
-Uh, when did he leave?
- Shit, shit! Fuck!
This lady should work.
Terry doesn't have a problem
with Asian people, does he?
I mean, I don't know.
He likes a lot of Chinese food
and Bruce Lee movies.
Found his porn stash once
when we were kids.
Had a pretty decent amount
of Asian chicks in it.
Then we got nothin'
to worry about.
We should just get goin'.
All right, the agency
said this one's tough?
Yeah. Said she's one of those
Vietnamese boat people.
Doesn't get much tougher
than that.
Maybe I should ask the agency
for somebody white
this time, huh?
Yep.
- This place is legal.
- Yeah, it is.
So then why you want me
to buy from them, then?
Listen, this detail
is a golden elevator.
It'll take you
right to the top,
wherever you wanna go.
What're you thinking?
-SWAT?
- Oh, shit.
Grenades?
Assault rifles?
-I love SWAT.
-That's only gonna happen
if we give you
a good recommendation,
and we're only gonna do that
if you do what we say,
no questions.
You wanna ride that golden
elevator, don't you?
Yes, sir, I do.
Good boy.
Go make the buy.
Uh, sirs, quick question.
Why me?
You know, like, out of
all the rookies in the city,
why pick me?
While your personal
assessment indicates
that you might ask
a lotta fuckin' questions,
you're likely to accept
anything we tell you is true.
Huh.
Roger that.
upbeat music
Hey, have you guys
seen my friend Debbie?
Redhead, had a little
too much to drink?
-No?
- Look at me, one, two
Three, one, two, three
Debbie?
Jared?
What the fuck?
-Who is that?
-My husband.
Ah ah ah ah ah...
Debbie, wait.
Come inside.
Let's talk.
Debbie!
Where'd
your butt buddy go?
To pick up your next victim.
-I don't need no nurse.
-Well, maybe if you weren't
such a ragin' asshole,
your family'd take care of you,
and we wouldn't have to pay
someone to be nice to ya.
Ugh.
-That tastes like dog food!
-Keep complainin',
I will feed you dog food
for real.
Ugh.
Oh, no, no--
-Come--
-Mm-mm.
You woulda probably made
a half-decent son
if it wasn't for
that whole fudge packer thing.
Well, you probably woulda made
a half-decent dad
if it weren't for the whole...
racist, homophobic, beatin'
the shit outta me thing.
Have a good one.
Good work, kid.
Oh, wait--there's
a lotta street weed in there.
You contaminated
the evidence now.
-You're mixing it up!
-Naw, man!
Your eyes is playin'
tricks on you, kid.
You're literally
doing it on purpose.
Why?
Oh, come on.
I deserve to know
what I'm involved in.
The weed you bought
on the street
was laced with angel dust.
Now the dispensary weed is too.
So now we can file criminal
charges against the dispensary.
Why?
Because the legal weed is
cutting into our bottom line.
If legal dispensaries put all
the street dealers outta work,
what's left for us, huh?
You know how much we make
off of kickback in bribes
-from street dealers?
-But isn't that wrong?
Paid for my boat.
It paid for
my second mistress's
first Brazilian butt lift.
We frame legal shops,
we shut 'em down,
we get more illegal weed
back on the street.
More illegal weed
equals more dealers,
more dealers equals
more cash in our pockets.
So, really, it's up to you,
Gallagher.
You want some kickbacks?
Or you wanna spend
the rest of your career
bustin' your hump,
poundin' a beat?
Fine.
Let me help.
Good. So how many more
dispensaries
do we gotta put
outta business today?
Uh looks like five.
Next up is Dank Dorm,
then New Leaf Collective,
Heavy Fog,
New Heights,
and last but not least,
The Alibi Room.
All right, let's get it.
- Brad's not pickin' up.
-Well, this is the station
closest to his house,
so if he's going anywhere,
it's here.
Think he can hold up
under an interrogation?
Hell, no.
Wait.
There he is. Okay.
All right, do what you gotta do
to keep him quiet.
Hey, man.
Brad?
Brad.
Brad! H--
punchy music
Brad! Brad!
Ah! Let me go!
Get off me!
I'm gonna confess!
Shh, shh!
Let me go!
It's the only way!
Shut the fuck up, all right?
Talk to us.
We only wanna talk, all right?
Go, go, go!
Just in here.
Terry,
this is Sister Mary Luke.
Oh,
just Mary Luke is fine.
My days in a habit
are long gone.
You must be Terry.
I should warn you,
he's been a handful today.
You idiots got me
a fuckin' nun?
-Watch your language
in the presence of ladies.
-Jesus Christ, lady!
And we'll not take
the Lord's name in vain.
Before the diocese
shut my convent down,
I was tending
to the elderly sisters.
Sister Cecilia had dementia
and a colorful vocabulary.
I found that a-a swift smack
usually fixed her behavior.
-Yeah, that works for me.
-Solid strategy.
There he is!
I have an exciting offer
for you.
I'd like to give you a chance
to abandon your lame entry
into the name change contest
and join forces with me.
-Why would I do that?
-Because I'm gonna win.
The Francis Gallagher
and Children Middle School.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I really want that iPad.
I don't give a damn
about the iPa--
well, I mean, if we won,
we'd pawn it,
and I'd take a cut,
but that's not the point.
We have to preserve
the-the Gallagher legacy.
We'd never be forgotten.
We'd be immortal.
Yeah, I'm good, man.
I'm-I'm not gonna make
this offer again.
Well, suit yourself.
I have to hit the head.
No TP in there.
You know, I-I wanna--
I wanted to talk to you
about somethin'.
I think we should team up
on the name change contest.
Now, b-before you say no,
I should tell you
what my idea is.
The Francis Gallagher
and Children Middle School.
You literally just told me this
30 seconds ago.
I did?
-What'd you say?
-No, Frank!
Hmm.
Hmm.
No toilet paper
in here.
No way, dude--Veronica'll
put my nuts in a table vice.
Yeah, well, if you don't
get rid of their weed,
-she'll be in jail.
- Okay, I'll tell them
if I see them,
but there's no way
I'm touching their product
without talking to them first.
Hey,
what was that last place
we were supposed to hit today?
The A-Alibi Room?
I think that's it, right?
Well, if it's the place
I'm thinkin' of,
it's really not worth
bustin'--
low-rent, mom/pop spot,
couple of stale weed brownies,
nickel bags--
we shouldn't waste our time.
The list is the list.
We got three more
after lunch,
and then it's on to--
what'd you call it?
The Alibi Room.
Hello.
What?
For how long?
I had no idea.
Someone else
was supposed to pick her up--
m-my girlfriend.
Well, I-I'm so sorry,
but I can promise you
that I would never abandon
my daughter at school.
I was at work, I--
When you're
a single working mother
trying to provide for a kid,
things like this happen.
Hello?
Hi, Franny.
Mommy's on her way, honey.
I know.
Mommy misses you too, honey.
I'll be right there.
Hey, baby, I got something
that'll put a smile
on your face...right here.
You know what?
Actually, I would love that.
For real?
Oh--fuck! Uhh--
punchy music
You just checked your messages,
like, two minutes ago.
And shouldn't you be
keeping a look out
in case someone tries to, like,
rob us or somethin'?
You think she knows
how to insert
the little piss tube thing--
The catheter, yes.
Maybe I should just
give her a call,
make sure everything's okay.
We're finally
getting work done.
Can we please just concentrate
for a couple more hours?
Thank you.
Maybe we should swing by
after the next stop,
you know,
make sure she's okay.
And another one bites the dust.
Yes, one more down,
and it is Miller time!
Alibi Room--let's finish it
off strong, boys.
Hop in, kid.
Time's a-wastin'.
Uh, hey, can I drive?
- No.
Come on, you guys've been
driving all day.
Polishing your aviators,
workin' on your tan,
while I've been doin'
all the work.
-Yeah, so?
-I've never driven
a Ferrari before.
I wanna feel
some Italian horsepower.
This might be my only chance.
All right, son.
Let's see what you got.
Long as it ain't mine.
But w-we gotta turn--
turn ourselves in.
No, no. If the cops
thought you knew anything,
they would've come, and they
would've picked you up.
Th-they called me to come
down for questioning, Lip.
-They know!
-They don't know shit.
I wanna come clean, okay?
Ma-make some kinda deal
and return all the stuff.
- You wanna make a deal?
-Yeah.
You're gonna fuck both of us,
okay?
There's no way that
they're gonna believe
that you stole all that shit
by yourself.
Well, I-I won't give up you
or Mickey!
-I swear!
-Uh, Lip,
help me make a bottle
for Fred in the kitchen.
-Now.
-Yeah.
He is not gonna last
five minutes with the cops.
You need to do something.
Do something?
Like what?
Get rid of the evidence,
for starters!
I haven't found a place
to sell the parts yet.
Okay, let's just wait
for the ideal buyer
while the cops close in!
-Cops aren't closing in.
- They will be!
Okay? As soon as they get
Brad in a room at the station
and he starts crying
and confessing...
I don't know,
maybe we should just...
take care of him.
Take--meaning what, exactly?
Meaning...
take care of him.
Wow, this whole, uh,
life of crime thing for you
is gettin' a little bit
outta hand,
-don't ya think, Capone?
-No! No, because he is
gonna get everyone busted.
I am involved now, okay?
Who is gonna raise Fred
if we both end up in jail?
Okay, yeah, he does seem
a little bit fragile.
Oh, yeah, no shit!
We can't let him
out of our sight.
Fuck!
I need to take a rain check
on family bar night.
What?
No, no, no, no.
You love family bar night.
-Cartoons on the TV...
- I love cartoons.
-The pizza.
- I love pizza.
All the soda the girls
can drink--come on, V.
I appreciate your trying
to cheer me up,
but I just wanna go home
and take a nap.
You can close up
by yourself, right?
-Come on, girls.
-No, wait, I'm sorry,
but I can't let you go.
Sorry I'm late!
Ma?
-I-is that your wedding dress?
- Yeah.
I just pulled it
out of storage...for you.
-For me?
- Mm-hmm.
What's goin' on?
It's not family bar night.
It was never family bar night.
You remember how we wanted
to get married at City Hall,
but they cancelled everything
'cause of the shutdown?
Well, they're clearing
their backlog.
They're doing weddings
on Zoom.
upbeat bluesy music
How many years...
-We're gettin' married?
-Yes.
Right now?
Right now.
Seem to blind me
-You good?
-Yeah. Don't I seem good?
You're drivin'
like my grandma.
Thought you wanted to feel
some Italian horsepower.
I'm just being cautious.
There's cautious,
and then there's
whatever this is.
Giddy up, kid.
That a boy.
rock music
Okay.
All right, that's enough.
That's enough, kid.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!
Slow the fuck down!
I don't know what's going on.
It's outta control!
Brake, brake, brake!
Oh...what the fuck?
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Piece of shit!
Man, what the hell?
- You fuck!
- I told you
don't let Billie Eilish
drive the car!
Mommy'll be right up, baby.
Rough day?
I didn't expect you
to be here.
No, I wasn't.
I left.
But then I came back,
because I thought
I should tell you to your face
how big of a bitch you are.
Mission accomplished.
You know, we both said
some things we shouldn't have.
But I'm open
to talking it out.
I'm not.
What do you mean?
I don't think I could be
with a person like you, Sandy.
A person like me.
Wow.
You left your kid.
So what did you do last night
and then again all day today?
-Is that not the same, or--
-I blew off some steam
for less than a day.
And it sucked,
and now I'm back.
With my kid.
Can you say the same
about you and Prince?
No, that is not fair.
I told you why I left Prince.
-I was 15 years old.
-Oh, my God.
I've heard
all of your excuses, Sandy,
and they sound great
coming out of your mouth.
But at the end of the day,
you walked out on somebody
that needed you.
I've got my entire family
trying to leave me.
I don't need to be worried
about you too.
You fucking...
You should see the scene
out there.
Some idiot drove his Ferrari
into a parked car.
What, she's not ready yet?
We're gonna miss our time slot.
-Is this dress too much?
-Excuse me?
-What's wrong with my dress?
- Nothin'.
It's perfect.
Are we really doing this?
I think so.
Dominic!
No, honey,
look, that is for
after they get married.
Kay?
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
I think they're ready
for y'all.
Yes, sir, I'm ready.
Me too.
Dominic!
I'm gonna beat
your little ass--sit down!
Yes, sir.
We'll just check in on him
real quick,
and then we got to get
to Liam's school.
-We're already late.
-In and out, all right?
I promise.
Where's Terry?
Your father...
he's an evil man.
No shit.
What're you doin' out here?
I had to handle him
the same way
I handled Sister Cecilia.
Yeah, the slap to the back
of the head thing, right?
- No.
-What? Like drugs?
-Fuckin' loves those.
- No.
A return to sit at the feet
of our Lord and Savior
in death.
funky music
Sorry, did you just say death?
Okay, we'll now take a minute
to consider the suggestion
of Mahatma Gandhi
Academy of Peace.
What's up, buddy?
Where is everybody?
Fuck 'em.
What'd I miss?
They already rejected
Martin Luther King
Middle School
because MLK was a womanizer.
Then they rejected
Barack Obama
because of his "use of drones
in the Middle East."
They even said no
to Michael Jordan.
Whoa, the GOAT?
His gambling sets
a bad example.
Tough crowd.
Hey, why's Frank
sittin' over there?
Said if I'm not with him,
I'm against him.
I guess we're enemies.
Unfortunately, I don't
think we can further consider
Mahatma Gandhi Academy
of Peace.
We've been made aware of
some problematic
century-old comments
Mr. Gandhi made
about Black Africans.
They're...disqualifying.
Up next to propose
a new name,
Francis Gallagher,
class of 1968.
Uh...thank you,
madam...president.
Thank you.
What I'd like to, uh,
to talk about today...
...is, um...
Obviously,
I'm here to address,
uh, t-the--uh...
I would like to address,
uh, the...
Uh...gimme a second.
It'll come to me.
I can't seem to remember
what I had to say.
Um, I don't think...
Memory's funny, isn't it?
It's like...
sand through your fingers.
Sometimes you can grab it,
and sometimes...
That damn fragile thing,
it's...
...all that'll be left of us.
All of us, at some point...
Just a memory.
And let me tell ya,
if you haven't made a mark,
now, while you're kickin'...
you don't even get that.
Uh...
uh...
Johnny?
Johnny Wisneiwski?
Hey!
Why don't you show everybody
your little baby dick?
-Come on!
I-I know the rest of the team
would really get
a kick outta that, huh?
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'll go first.
-Okay? Come on, Johnny.
- Mr. Gallagher--
- Hey, hey, back up!
That's my dad, asshole!
CPD!
What'd Frank do
this time?
He really lost it today.
Stripped naked at Liam's school
in front of a bunch of kids.
Only thing I could do to
prevent him from going to jail
was badging everyone there,
taking him to the ER.
He's still getting
evaluated.
Debs, you okay?
I've had a day.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I guess
that makes all of us.
A nun killed Mickey's dad.
Terry's dead?
As a doornail.
Damn! A nun?
God really does work in
mysterious ways, doesn't she?
Hey, sorry I missed your thing.
Terry's dying kinda threw
a wrench in our schedule.
-How'd it go?
-I think I did all right.
-Whoa!
-Hey!
-Shit, man!
-Nice!
What name did ya
end up pitching?
Well, when I realized
they had a problem
with every famous person's name
that anybody suggested,
I just thought
I'll play it safe,
so from now on, it's just gonna
be called The Middle School.
Nice one, man.
Hi.
What's going on?
-Where's Brad?
-Locked in the car.
Handcuffed to the door.
He's calmed down,
but he is a ticking bomb.
We gotta do something
-before he goes to the cops.
Okay, so all
of Mr. Gallagher's behavior
can be explained by
his previous diagnosis.
We didn't find evidence
of anything new.
Sorry,
his-his previous diagnosis?
Well, we treated Mr. Gallagher
three weeks ago,
did a neurological assessment,
and arrived at a diagnosis
of alcoholic dementia.
I'm...sorry. I thought
he would have told you by now.
I'm sure I mentioned it.
No.
You didn't.
I'm sorry.
What is alcoholic dementia?
Basically, he pickled his brain
with decades of drinking,
and now his mind
is calling it quits.
It involves significant
impairments of memory
and other cognitive functions.
Were you aware that your father
is an alcoholic?
There's been
some evidence of that, yeah.
Some days will be good,
and some will be bad.
Very bad.
It won't be
a linear progression.
You have to be prepared
to go along for the ride.
And try not to contradict him.
That leads to confusion
and anger.
Excuse me.
What are we doin'
in the hospital?
One of you have another kid?
No, you-you've got dementia.
From bein' a drunk, Frank.
funky music
Look, I can't tell you
what happened last week
on Shameless.
I'm dealing with a bit
of a plumbing issue.
- Fuck!
Debbie!
Hey, get up here, all right?
Franny tried to flush
a Care Bear
down the toilet again.
Dementia?
Motherfucker!
How did I get here?
Fiona? Lip?
Terry's coming home today.
They sending him home
with a nurse
-or something at least?
-I don't think so.
Can I help?
My mom's moving to Louisville.
She says there's no community
here for her anymore.
I just wanna crawl into bed
and cry myself to sleep.
Look, we sell
the stuff from Born Free,
-that'll carry us for a while.
-Can't use my garage.
Yeah, we couldn't
use that anyway.
You know, it's the first place
cops would look.
-The cops?
-Yeah, they might come
pokin' around.
Hey, did you hear
Born Free
-got broken into last--
- Brad and I broke in.
I just--I needed to do
something.
And if you get caught
and go to jail,
what is that gonna fix?
So why didn't you
tell me you abandoned a kid?
You ran out on people
who needed you
because you wanted to
go do your own shit.
You are piling all your
abandonment issues on me.
Monica ran out on you,
and now the rest of them
wanna run out on you too.
Fuck!
What the fuck
are you doing?
-We're selling!
-No!
- Hey--
Does
Philip Gallagher live here?
He's inside.
Just be careful.
He's got a sledgehammer.
rock music
Think of all
the luck you got
Know that
it's not for naught
You were beaming
once before
But it's not like that
anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up
the friends you got
Know that
they're not for naught
You were willing
once before
But it's not like that
anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Psst!
Psst!
Hey!
Psst! Psst!
You wanna watch me jerk off?
Thanks, but fuck no.
Hey, you got any updates
on what's goin' on?
When the detectives
are ready for you,
-they'll let ya know.
-All right, could I get
-a sandwich or somethin'?
-Legally don't gotta provide
any food, 'cause legally
you're not under arrest.
All right, so legally,
I can just go.
Sure, but you try to leave,
they probably will arrest you
and bring you right back in.
Psst!
-Is Lip okay?
- Ah, he'll be all right.
It's not his first time
getting questioned.
He can handle an interrogation.
You can't just use your cop
"get outta jail free" card?
When I get in,
I'm gonna try to
grease the wheels
of justice.
Do we have
any triple-A batteries?
That's a big hole.
Coulda just said
he wanted to renovate.
Your brother's
a fuckin' drama queen, man.
Hey, scarf that shit down.
I wanna go check on Terry.
We have a lotta pick-ups today.
I don't know if we have time.
We would if you stopped yappin'
and started eatin'.
You guys remember I have
a thing after school, right?
Yeah, of course.
Wouldn't miss it, buddy.
What thing?
Don't ya want your dad there,
-cheerin' you on?
-Mm...not really.
Well, what is it, anyway?
A contest to pick a new name
for my school.
The winner
gets a free iPad.
Why does your school
need a new name?
'Cause it's named
after Dennis Hastert.
Fuck is Dennis Hastert?
Former speaker of
the House of Representative.
-Native Chicagoan.
-And a child molester.
He's canceled.
Canceled?
You can't cancel history.
It's already happened.
Political correctness
is gonna kill this country.
He diddled kids.
Uh, beside the point.
We can't be applying
today's sexual standards
to...molesters of yesteryear.
Molesting used to be okay?
Dennis Hastert
brought a lotta federal dollars
to Illinois.
I don't think
I can just stand by
while the PC police
erase his legacy.
This is the hill
you wanna die on, Frank?
-Defending a pedo?
- Defending tradition,
defending our shared history?
Yeah.
I'll die on this hill.
This is a hill
we all should die on together.
Come on.
Hey, let's go.
I wanna make sure they're
takin' care of fuckin' Terry
over there.
That one has an Uber
coming for him in ten,
and that one isn't my problem.
- Where's Debbie?
-Since when am I in charge
of keeping track of Debbie?
Aren't you in, like,
a committed
lesbian scissoring thing?
You mean a relationship?
I don't know.
We never defined it.
But, uh, since she didn't come
home last night, I guess not.
What are supposed to do
with Franny?
-We gotta get to work.
-She's not my fucking problem.
None of this shit is,
your sister included.
- Okay, come on, Franny.
I will drop you off at school
on my way to work.
Okay, hey, uh, let me know
when you find out about Lip,
all right?
Yeah.
Uh, what's that guy doing?
upbeat music
This goddamn thing
doesn't work!
-Shit!
- Mm--
- All right, my love,
I let ya sleep in.
I even turned a blind eye
when you moved from the bed
to the couch
and slept some more.
But now it's time
to carpet denim.
- What?
-Carpet denim.
It's Latin for wake up!
Oh, I just wanna sleep.
Please.
You wanna talk about it?
My mama's moving.
She's abandoning us.
-What's there to talk about?
-Oh, we can go visit
for holidays and stuff.
Who doesn't wanna spend
Christmas in Kentucky?
V, if you don't get up,
we're gonna be late
opening the Alibi.
-Who cares?
-What about the girls?
We gotta get them ready--
you don't want me
-doing their hair, do you?
-Who cares?
V, you're the one
who always says
that a white woman
can take her daughter to school
lookin' any old way,
but if a Black woman does it,
people start to question
whether she's a fit mother--
Go away!
Is there anything I can do
to get you up?
-Okay, fine.
-Oh.
- I'm up.
-Okay, great!
I'm goin' back
upstairs and gettin' into bed.
You keep botherin' me,
I'ma stab your ass.
Watch.
How'd you sleep?
Not great.
Seriously, who the fuck
do they think they are?
I'm sorry, I don't know
who we're talking about.
My family.
Sandy, her...
fucking husband,
and her secret child.
Thanks for letting me crash,
by the way.
Feel bad
I put you outta your bed.
-Couch is pretty comfortable.
-I mean, we could have shared.
Under normal circumstances,
I would have loved that.
But I can tell
you're pretty emotional,
and I didn't wanna
take advantage.
You got plans today?
Work.
-Too bad.
- But...
I'm the boss.
You wanna come?
See, I was at home
with my lady and my kid.
All right?
She'll vouch for me.
The kid, he can't talk yet,
but if he could,
he'd say Daddy was home
all night.
We have
your juvenile arrest records,
okay?
So you can drop
the choir boy act.
No, you see, tha-that's
the old me, all right?
I'm reformed now.
I'm sober, even.
You know, I'm not sayin'
I'm a saint but, uh,
I'm a family man,
makin' an honest living.
Okay, asshole,
we know that you were involved
with the robbery,
so you can either cooperate,
or we can make you cooperate.
All right, first of all,
if you knew I was involved
in the robbery,
I'd be in cuffs right now,
and second of all,
I am cooperating.
What am I doing
if I'm not cooperating?
Look, make it easy on yourself.
Tell us where the bikes are,
who helped you,
and maybe we can recommend
you avoid doin' real time.
punchy music
Hey, can I go?
Oh, motherfucker, when's the
last time that got changed?
Fuck do I know?
I can't see it.
-You can smell it, though.
-We don't have time for this.
We're behind schedule,
and we have to wrap up early
for Liam's thing.
Mickey--
What the fuck are you--
Hey, get--
Come on, man.
Aah.
What the hell, Mick?
Terry duty, asshole.
Get up!
Naw, no way, man.
I took care of him on Tuesday.
-It's not my turn--
-Empty his shit bag,
or I empty your skull--
your choice.
Uh, hey, could you
look up something
related to a recent arrest
for me?
Sure.
What's the name of the perp?
Um...Philip Gallagher.
Rookie,
are you really asking me
to break every protocol
in the book so you can
potentially interfere
with an ongoing investigation
involving one
of your family members?
Uh...
I'm fuckin' with you.
I misuse this system
all the time.
One of the perks of the job.
G-A-L-L-A
G-H-E-R.
Hmm.
No arrest yet,
but they are seeking
a warrant for his house.
Just waitin' on
a judge's signature.
Shit.
- Gallagher.
-Ah, ma'am.
Do you know who my new
training officer's gonna be?
Training officer?
That's not gonna happen.
No one wants to work with you
on account of the Carl Curse.
Ma'am?
The Carl Curse.
Everyone who trained you
ends up injured.
You ever heard of
a lucky rabbit's foot?
Yeah.
You're the opposite of that.
Now, not all bad news.
-I got you a new assignment.
-What is it?
They just walked in.
- exciting music
-Take off that uni
and meet us outside.
You're with Vice now.
Hell, yeah!
God, how cool are they?
-Damn it.
- Oh, shit.
- Bad word!
I'm sorry, girls--I just got
an email from the Man.
What do you think--
taxes, jury duty?
Unpaid parking tickets?
-Maybe it's a pizza party.
- Life lesson.
Emails from the government
are never awesome.
They always suck.
Here goes.
Is it a pizza party?
Even better.
A surprise for Mommy.
Come on.
mellow funk music
Shit.
Shit!
Fuck.
Tami, hey, it's Lip.
We got a big fuckin' problem,
all right?
Carl just told me that, um...
Can you believe it?
Uh...you know what?
Never mind.
I'll just, uh...
I'll see ya at home.
All right?
Bye.
We're just goin' to my bar.
You can wear
what you already have on.
I wore this yesterday.
If you don't like
anything I have...
No! It's not that, I just--
I don't know.
I wanna dress up a little.
Always makes me feel better,
which could definitely
help right now,
considering my mood
borders on...
homicidal rage.
You wanna talk about it?
What's to talk about?
My life might be
a dumpster fire,
but it doesn't mean
I can't look good.
Hey, what's this?
It's my ex, Haley's, old stuff.
Cute
Can I borrow some of it?
Sure.
Sweet.
rock music
funky music
These are yours?
Sure does look like it.
Get in.
Can I drive?
No.
Hey, can you at least
tell me what we're doin'?
- Dah dah dah
Dah dah dah
Dah dah
dah
Dah dah-dah
-Hey, you're up.
-Headed to my mom's.
-Why?
-I'm gonna help her pack.
Oh. You feelin' better
about her movin'?
Uh, no. I'm gonna go steal
the keys to her U-Haul.
Really?
I should.
But I decided to be
a supportive daughter instead.
Gonna approach her leaving
with a positive attitude.
Oh, positive.
Yes, asshole.
Positive, mature.
A ray of fucking sunshine.
Why shouldn't I be?
My mom's moving
halfway across the world.
-Kentucky's not that far.
-Bye, Kev.
Well, I was hoping we could
spend the afternoon together.
I have the rest of my miserable
life to spend with you.
-My mom leaves in two days.
-What time ya comin' back?
When I feel like it!
Askin' so many damn questions.
But why now?
He touched those boys
decades ago.
Doesn't cancel culture have
a statute of limitations?
Mr. Gallagher, Dennis Hastert
no longer reflects our values.
The hell he doesn't!
He was speaker of the House,
third in line
for the presidency.
He was a wrestling coach!
How else are wrestling coaches
supposed to demonstrate holds
if they don't...
grope some boys?
-Context matters.
-Please keep your voice down.
- Can I go to class?
-Yes.
And...
w-why are you
leaving it to the kids?
Kids are stupid.
The school board
wanted the children
to feel ownership and pride
in the new name.
That's why the contest has been
limited to current students
and alumni.
Alumni?
I'm an alumnus!
- You are?
- Hell, yes!
Back when it was still
J. Edgar Hoover.
Go, Feds.
No, fuck you! F--
Tough talk on the other end
of a phone, bitch.
No, no, no, no--Michigan,
fuckin' China.
It doesn't matter
where you hide out.
I am gonna hunt you down.
I'm gonna empty Terry's
shit bag in your fuckin' mouth,
you piece of shit!
Cousin Joey?
Dickhead just decided
to run off.
Hidin' out with one of his
scumbag friends in Michigan,
all so he can avoid
taking care of Terry.
Fuckin' believe that?
I mean, it is Terry.
Obviously, we can't rely
on family for this.
We're gonna have to hire
someone to do it.
Like with money?
Yeah, get one of those
house nurses or whatever.
You wanna hire a nurse?
I thought we were saving up
for our own place.
Well, shit shifted.
Shit shifted to Terry.
I have to worry about you?
The whole loyalty department?
What?
Yeah, when I'm too old
to wipe my own ass,
you're gonna be over there
counting fuckin' pennies,
decidin' whether or not
you can take care of me?
-That's different.
-Family's family.
Fine.
We'll find a fucking nurse.
Wipe your ass.
Ah.
I'll go for another.
Hey, it's five o'clock
somewhere.
Ha.
Anyone at home wondering
where you might be all day?
Trust me,
they don't give a shit.
Hey, guys.
Uh, sit anywhere you like.
I'll be right with you.
You boys celebrating something?
Uh...we're taking an extended
and hopefully very boozy
lunch break
so we can commemorate the day
this ugly bastard was born.
That's so nice.
How 'bout some shots
on the house?
On the house?
No.
I can do Happy Hour price
in honor of the birthday boy.
Will you two do a shot
with us?
I'm on the clock.
Red?
Pour 'em up.
Tam!
Yo, we gotta clear out
the boxes!
Police.
Open up!
All right,
all right, all right!
Philip Gallagher,
we have a warrant
to search the premises.
Yeah, well, come on in.
You know,
if I was a lifetime criminal
motorcycle mechanic
who just stole
a shitload of motorcycles,
I might just be dumb enough
to keep them in
the most obvious place.
Where's your garage?
Well, shit,
look, sorry, no stolen bikes,
but, uh, you're welcome to take
one of those
Christmas tree stands.
I don't know
how we ended up with two.
light guitar music
-Keep these, right?
-Oh, no. Give away pile.
What?
I love these.
It's not Christmas
without these plates.
Girl, they have been
in that box since 2007,
which, coincidentally,
is the last time
that we had dinner
at my house.
What am I gonna do with
a Santa table setting for 12
-in Louisville, huh?
-You are literally
throwin' away everything.
What's the point?
We should just back
a garbage truck in here
and shovel everything in it.
-Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
-Ma...
this is my entire childhood,
all of our memories.
Throw away the damn plates, V!
Thought helping you,
hangin' out might be fun,
but this shit is awful.
-I thought we would talk!
-Excuse me.
Had you asked instead of just
inviting yourself over,
I would've told you that I'm
too busy to hang out and talk.
Oh, shit...I gotta get
over to my storage unit.
-I'll go with.
-Uh, no, thanks.
-Why not?
-Because I've had enough
of your company today.
Look, I'm excited
about Louisville,
and you killin' my vibe.
I'm not dyin'.
I'm just movin'.
So what?
Get over it.
If it isn't
my favorite vice detectives.
Man, you know I had to
bring you some dogs
from downtown for later--
extra relish,
-extra celery sauce.
-Aw...muah!
You gentlemen are heroes.
I can never make it all the way
downtown to get these.
How're these fine machines
treatin' ya?
Uh, she rides just
a little rough,
but tell me what the story is
on that Viper over there.
I need a few days
before I can
-let ya take that one.
- What's wrong with it?
Belonged to
a parks commissioner
accused
of embezzling city funds.
Blew his brains out
in the front seat.
Still a mess on the dashboard.
Yo, wait.
So you guys just come here
and take whatever you want?
As long as it helps aid
an ongoin' investigation.
Or if we think it looks cool.
Ya got anything new?
Glad you asked.
I been able to
squirrel away a few things
for you gents.
Act now,
before it's logged as evidence.
Take what you want
You gotta take
what you want
Give it all you got
Hey, barkeep!
Another.
Take what you want...
Let's make these your last.
What? The day's young!
I have some coke,
if you're interested.
All clear.
- Hey. Hey, buddy.
-Hey.
Uh, what's goin' on?
They think
I robbed Born Free.
What? Ha.
Wait--you?
No.
Yeah.
Checked the whole house.
But came up empty-handed,
'cause...
I didn't do it.
Go ahead.
Hey, and, uh, good luck,
you know,
finding the real criminals,
guys.
Lip, we need to talk, okay?
-You cannot just--
-Shh, shh, shh.
You moved all the boxes
outta the garage?
Well, they didn't move
themselves.
Where'd you put 'em?
Uh,
in my dad's basement.
Hey.
Lip.
Y-you can't put our family
in danger like this.
You have Fred to think about.
You have me to think about.
We can't have the cops just
showing up at our house and...
hello!
Are you even listening
to a word that I'm saying?
Kay, why are you staring
at me like that?
Sorry, sorry.
It's just, um...
uh, I-I guess
this whole Gallagher thing
is finally rubbin' off on ya.
I didn't know
you had it in you.
Well...
yeah, I...
I didn't know I had it
in me either.
You know, Carl called,
told me about the warrant,
and I just...
I just acted.
It was like
something clicked in my brain,
and I just went on autopilot.
Does this make me
an accomplice?
Accessory after the fact.
Oh.
It's kinda hot.
Yeah, it is.
I thought being
a criminal would be exciting,
but I didn't know
that it would be...
sexually exciting.
-What about Fred?
- He's out like a light.
We'll be quiet.
You? I doubt it.
I'll just bite your shoulder
when I get the urge to scream.
I don't need a fuckin' nurse.
You can't walk, Terry.
You can't feed yourself.
You can't bathe yourself.
You shit in a bag.
Stop me when any of this
sounds like someone who doesn't
need a fuckin' nurse.
Then just take me to the park.
Leave me there
and let me die in peace.
Oh, see, viable option.
Even Terry thinks so.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Jasmine.
-You must be...
-Ian, yeah.
Come on in.
Mickey, Terry, this is Jasmine,
Terry's in-home health aide.
You got me a n--
Nah--
Nice lady to watch you
while we head to work.
Yeah. You fuck this up,
I'ma cut your dick off.
I wouldn't feel it anyway.
Don't you all worry.
I'm gonna take good care
of Dad here.
Thanks. I know dealin' with
Terry is a pain in the ass.
Fuckin' expensive,
but now I don't have
to worry about anything.
I can focus on work--
Just forgot something
in my car.
rock music
She's probably comin'
right back.
Yeah.
Gallagher, look alive.
All right, look,
I want you to
make a buy off this guy,
all right?
Quarter bag.
Ask for it "dusty."
All right.
But I don't have any money.
Here.
All right?
Hurry up.
Look both ways
before you cross the street.
I'm putting bodies
on the board
Like you've never seen
before...
Hey, man, I need a cop.
Loud or reggie?
Reggie. Quarter.
Make it dusty.
60.
Nah nah nah nah nah
So when
you're in my sights
Nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah-nah-nah...
Freeze, fucker!
You're under arrest.
-Turn around.
-You're a cop?
Hands on your head.
Face the wall!
What the fuck
are you doing, kid?
Making the arrest
like you said to.
No, stupid asshole!
We told you to make a buy.
No one said anything
about making an arrest.
Apologize to this guy.
Uh, I'm...sorry?
Keep the drugs, Gallagher.
Let's get outta here, man.
Come on!
Pulling guns out and shit!
Oh, God, coke is fantastic.
I know, right?
Yeah. I can see why people
become junkies
and run away
from their responsibilities.
-You know, for me,
when it comes to drugs
versus, like, a job...pffft.
Drugs win.
What kinda jobs have you had?
Ah!
Let's see, uh, I was a nurse.
I was
an elementary school teacher.
Addiction counselor.
That was fun.
Ha ha.
Uh, and now,
the, uh, assistant manager
at the illustrious
Mailbox Unlimited
Copy and Shipping Center.
Oh!
Impressive.
Is coke supposed to
make you horny?
'Cause I feel like
I need to...
hump that box right there.
Ahem.
I'm...gay.
Me too!
Well, I haven't...been
with a girl since high school.
It's like riding a bike.
Baby, don't you cry
It's time for us
to say goodbye
So all I gotta do
is put these decorations up,
and I get free beer
for a week?
Ha. Nice try.
Two days.
I don't know, man.
There's a lotta stuff in here.
-Week seems reasonable.
-All right, fine.
You know what?
I'll just ask Kermit.
-He'll probably do it for free.
-Fine!
I accept your lowball offer.
Hey, babe!
How are you?
You doin' good?
Feelin' better
that you saw your mom?
No. She had to get something
from storage,
-so might as well work.
-Okay, well,
how 'bout we get outta here,
do something to cheer you up?
No, thanks.
Here to work.
How 'bout Ron Popeil?
Ronco HQ was right down
the street.
That's a great idea.
Hugh Hefner Middle School, huh?
-Think about it.
-Fellas. Ditka.
Mike Ditka Middle School.
Contest over.
-Ooh!
-What are you fools
talkin' about?
Frank's trying to name
his old junior high.
Why does it need a new name?
It doesn't.
That's the point.
It was fine the way it was.
-Hear, hear.
-Nevertheless,
I need a surefire winner
so it doesn't get coopted
by a bunch of politically
correct millennial activists.
Last thing I need
is my son attending
Tofu Middle School of
Multicultural Granola Studies.
What's it called now?
Dennis Hastert Middle School.
-The child molester?
-Former Speaker of the House.
Why are you guys worried
about trying to protect
some meaningless,
symbolic name anyway?
How 'bout you try to protect
the real Chicago,
the real South Side,
the people and institutions
who make this town great?
If you hadn't noticed, they're
being shut down every day.
Because this renaming trend
is bullshit.
It's just another way
for society
to erase the hard work
of white guys.
Because at some point,
and who knows why,
being a white guy
suddenly became uncool.
Or maybe white guys are finally
being held accountable
for all of the horrible stuff
they've done,
like child molestation,
for example.
And you, in particular,
don't have to worry about
when white men became uncool,
'cause as far as I can tell,
you've always been...
whatever this is.
-Ha ha ha.
- Ho ho ho!
And, Frank,
why waste your time?
Liam's gonna be outta that
school and on to a high school
with an equally problematic
name in no time.
They're trying to erase
the history of white men
who built this great country.
How far back are we going
with this revisionist
history crusade?
Do we have to reexamine Adam
at the Garden of Eden?
You think Adam was white?
Ha ha ha.
The point is,
I went to that school.
Best years of my life
in those halls,
in those classrooms.
Year I played baseball,
we had a bully on the team.
Johnny Wisneiwski.
A big, fat bruiser.
He could hit a ball...
almost a mile.
If you made an error
in the game,
Johnny was sure to use
the wet end of his towel
to rattail your genitals
in the shower
to remind you of how useless
you were.
Everybody was scared to death
of big, fat Johnny Wisneiwski.
Well, one day, he thwacked
my naked wet ass
with that towel,
and I blew up.
I pantsed him.
What do you think we saw?
His dick.
I'm guessing you saw his dick.
Not just any dick.
The tiniest little button
of a pink dick
you've ever laid your eyes on.
And Johnny Wisneiwski's
reign of terror
ended that very day,
thanks to yours truly.
I was king after that.
And all my kids went there.
There are Gallagher memories
embedded in every inch
of that school.
Should probably be called--
No.
It should definitely
be called
Gallagher Middle School.
Gallagher Middle School.
Outstan--
Gallagher Middle School!
Jesus! Of course!
Whadda ya say we do this:
we go pick up the girls,
we stop for expensive froyo
with all the fancy toppings,
huh?
How many times I have to
tell you I'm not in the mood?
I know, but I think today
could be really special
if we let it be.
It would make me happy,
and I'm pretty sure
it could make you happy too.
Please.
For me.
The love of your life.
Fuckin' froyo.
Ohh...
Hey, I'm gonna take a shower.
And while I'm in there...
Yep?
Think up our next caper.
-Caper?
- You a Batman villain?
-Uh, more like Bonnie.
You know, Bonnie and Clyde?
Yeah.
Think I mighta heard of them.
Something where
we almost get caught
but then we get away with it.
We could...
-pull a bank robbery.
-Or a jewel heist.
I mean...
I would consider
murder for hire.
Hey, uh,
gotta go to this thing Liam's
doing at his school later.
-Mm-hmm.
- Wanna come?
Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I can pretend to be
a law-abiding citizen
for the night.
Oh.
Hey, Cami.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Slow down.
He was crying?
About what?
-I'm confused.
- What?
The cops?
They want Brad to come in
for questioning? When?
No, no, he's gonna crack.
rock music
He's on his way
to the station now?
-Uh, when did he leave?
- Shit, shit! Fuck!
This lady should work.
Terry doesn't have a problem
with Asian people, does he?
I mean, I don't know.
He likes a lot of Chinese food
and Bruce Lee movies.
Found his porn stash once
when we were kids.
Had a pretty decent amount
of Asian chicks in it.
Then we got nothin'
to worry about.
We should just get goin'.
All right, the agency
said this one's tough?
Yeah. Said she's one of those
Vietnamese boat people.
Doesn't get much tougher
than that.
Maybe I should ask the agency
for somebody white
this time, huh?
Yep.
- This place is legal.
- Yeah, it is.
So then why you want me
to buy from them, then?
Listen, this detail
is a golden elevator.
It'll take you
right to the top,
wherever you wanna go.
What're you thinking?
-SWAT?
- Oh, shit.
Grenades?
Assault rifles?
-I love SWAT.
-That's only gonna happen
if we give you
a good recommendation,
and we're only gonna do that
if you do what we say,
no questions.
You wanna ride that golden
elevator, don't you?
Yes, sir, I do.
Good boy.
Go make the buy.
Uh, sirs, quick question.
Why me?
You know, like, out of
all the rookies in the city,
why pick me?
While your personal
assessment indicates
that you might ask
a lotta fuckin' questions,
you're likely to accept
anything we tell you is true.
Huh.
Roger that.
upbeat music
Hey, have you guys
seen my friend Debbie?
Redhead, had a little
too much to drink?
-No?
- Look at me, one, two
Three, one, two, three
Debbie?
Jared?
What the fuck?
-Who is that?
-My husband.
Ah ah ah ah ah...
Debbie, wait.
Come inside.
Let's talk.
Debbie!
Where'd
your butt buddy go?
To pick up your next victim.
-I don't need no nurse.
-Well, maybe if you weren't
such a ragin' asshole,
your family'd take care of you,
and we wouldn't have to pay
someone to be nice to ya.
Ugh.
-That tastes like dog food!
-Keep complainin',
I will feed you dog food
for real.
Ugh.
Oh, no, no--
-Come--
-Mm-mm.
You woulda probably made
a half-decent son
if it wasn't for
that whole fudge packer thing.
Well, you probably woulda made
a half-decent dad
if it weren't for the whole...
racist, homophobic, beatin'
the shit outta me thing.
Have a good one.
Good work, kid.
Oh, wait--there's
a lotta street weed in there.
You contaminated
the evidence now.
-You're mixing it up!
-Naw, man!
Your eyes is playin'
tricks on you, kid.
You're literally
doing it on purpose.
Why?
Oh, come on.
I deserve to know
what I'm involved in.
The weed you bought
on the street
was laced with angel dust.
Now the dispensary weed is too.
So now we can file criminal
charges against the dispensary.
Why?
Because the legal weed is
cutting into our bottom line.
If legal dispensaries put all
the street dealers outta work,
what's left for us, huh?
You know how much we make
off of kickback in bribes
-from street dealers?
-But isn't that wrong?
Paid for my boat.
It paid for
my second mistress's
first Brazilian butt lift.
We frame legal shops,
we shut 'em down,
we get more illegal weed
back on the street.
More illegal weed
equals more dealers,
more dealers equals
more cash in our pockets.
So, really, it's up to you,
Gallagher.
You want some kickbacks?
Or you wanna spend
the rest of your career
bustin' your hump,
poundin' a beat?
Fine.
Let me help.
Good. So how many more
dispensaries
do we gotta put
outta business today?
Uh looks like five.
Next up is Dank Dorm,
then New Leaf Collective,
Heavy Fog,
New Heights,
and last but not least,
The Alibi Room.
All right, let's get it.
- Brad's not pickin' up.
-Well, this is the station
closest to his house,
so if he's going anywhere,
it's here.
Think he can hold up
under an interrogation?
Hell, no.
Wait.
There he is. Okay.
All right, do what you gotta do
to keep him quiet.
Hey, man.
Brad?
Brad.
Brad! H--
punchy music
Brad! Brad!
Ah! Let me go!
Get off me!
I'm gonna confess!
Shh, shh!
Let me go!
It's the only way!
Shut the fuck up, all right?
Talk to us.
We only wanna talk, all right?
Go, go, go!
Just in here.
Terry,
this is Sister Mary Luke.
Oh,
just Mary Luke is fine.
My days in a habit
are long gone.
You must be Terry.
I should warn you,
he's been a handful today.
You idiots got me
a fuckin' nun?
-Watch your language
in the presence of ladies.
-Jesus Christ, lady!
And we'll not take
the Lord's name in vain.
Before the diocese
shut my convent down,
I was tending
to the elderly sisters.
Sister Cecilia had dementia
and a colorful vocabulary.
I found that a-a swift smack
usually fixed her behavior.
-Yeah, that works for me.
-Solid strategy.
There he is!
I have an exciting offer
for you.
I'd like to give you a chance
to abandon your lame entry
into the name change contest
and join forces with me.
-Why would I do that?
-Because I'm gonna win.
The Francis Gallagher
and Children Middle School.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I really want that iPad.
I don't give a damn
about the iPa--
well, I mean, if we won,
we'd pawn it,
and I'd take a cut,
but that's not the point.
We have to preserve
the-the Gallagher legacy.
We'd never be forgotten.
We'd be immortal.
Yeah, I'm good, man.
I'm-I'm not gonna make
this offer again.
Well, suit yourself.
I have to hit the head.
No TP in there.
You know, I-I wanna--
I wanted to talk to you
about somethin'.
I think we should team up
on the name change contest.
Now, b-before you say no,
I should tell you
what my idea is.
The Francis Gallagher
and Children Middle School.
You literally just told me this
30 seconds ago.
I did?
-What'd you say?
-No, Frank!
Hmm.
Hmm.
No toilet paper
in here.
No way, dude--Veronica'll
put my nuts in a table vice.
Yeah, well, if you don't
get rid of their weed,
-she'll be in jail.
- Okay, I'll tell them
if I see them,
but there's no way
I'm touching their product
without talking to them first.
Hey,
what was that last place
we were supposed to hit today?
The A-Alibi Room?
I think that's it, right?
Well, if it's the place
I'm thinkin' of,
it's really not worth
bustin'--
low-rent, mom/pop spot,
couple of stale weed brownies,
nickel bags--
we shouldn't waste our time.
The list is the list.
We got three more
after lunch,
and then it's on to--
what'd you call it?
The Alibi Room.
Hello.
What?
For how long?
I had no idea.
Someone else
was supposed to pick her up--
m-my girlfriend.
Well, I-I'm so sorry,
but I can promise you
that I would never abandon
my daughter at school.
I was at work, I--
When you're
a single working mother
trying to provide for a kid,
things like this happen.
Hello?
Hi, Franny.
Mommy's on her way, honey.
I know.
Mommy misses you too, honey.
I'll be right there.
Hey, baby, I got something
that'll put a smile
on your face...right here.
You know what?
Actually, I would love that.
For real?
Oh--fuck! Uhh--
punchy music
You just checked your messages,
like, two minutes ago.
And shouldn't you be
keeping a look out
in case someone tries to, like,
rob us or somethin'?
You think she knows
how to insert
the little piss tube thing--
The catheter, yes.
Maybe I should just
give her a call,
make sure everything's okay.
We're finally
getting work done.
Can we please just concentrate
for a couple more hours?
Thank you.
Maybe we should swing by
after the next stop,
you know,
make sure she's okay.
And another one bites the dust.
Yes, one more down,
and it is Miller time!
Alibi Room--let's finish it
off strong, boys.
Hop in, kid.
Time's a-wastin'.
Uh, hey, can I drive?
- No.
Come on, you guys've been
driving all day.
Polishing your aviators,
workin' on your tan,
while I've been doin'
all the work.
-Yeah, so?
-I've never driven
a Ferrari before.
I wanna feel
some Italian horsepower.
This might be my only chance.
All right, son.
Let's see what you got.
Long as it ain't mine.
But w-we gotta turn--
turn ourselves in.
No, no. If the cops
thought you knew anything,
they would've come, and they
would've picked you up.
Th-they called me to come
down for questioning, Lip.
-They know!
-They don't know shit.
I wanna come clean, okay?
Ma-make some kinda deal
and return all the stuff.
- You wanna make a deal?
-Yeah.
You're gonna fuck both of us,
okay?
There's no way that
they're gonna believe
that you stole all that shit
by yourself.
Well, I-I won't give up you
or Mickey!
-I swear!
-Uh, Lip,
help me make a bottle
for Fred in the kitchen.
-Now.
-Yeah.
He is not gonna last
five minutes with the cops.
You need to do something.
Do something?
Like what?
Get rid of the evidence,
for starters!
I haven't found a place
to sell the parts yet.
Okay, let's just wait
for the ideal buyer
while the cops close in!
-Cops aren't closing in.
- They will be!
Okay? As soon as they get
Brad in a room at the station
and he starts crying
and confessing...
I don't know,
maybe we should just...
take care of him.
Take--meaning what, exactly?
Meaning...
take care of him.
Wow, this whole, uh,
life of crime thing for you
is gettin' a little bit
outta hand,
-don't ya think, Capone?
-No! No, because he is
gonna get everyone busted.
I am involved now, okay?
Who is gonna raise Fred
if we both end up in jail?
Okay, yeah, he does seem
a little bit fragile.
Oh, yeah, no shit!
We can't let him
out of our sight.
Fuck!
I need to take a rain check
on family bar night.
What?
No, no, no, no.
You love family bar night.
-Cartoons on the TV...
- I love cartoons.
-The pizza.
- I love pizza.
All the soda the girls
can drink--come on, V.
I appreciate your trying
to cheer me up,
but I just wanna go home
and take a nap.
You can close up
by yourself, right?
-Come on, girls.
-No, wait, I'm sorry,
but I can't let you go.
Sorry I'm late!
Ma?
-I-is that your wedding dress?
- Yeah.
I just pulled it
out of storage...for you.
-For me?
- Mm-hmm.
What's goin' on?
It's not family bar night.
It was never family bar night.
You remember how we wanted
to get married at City Hall,
but they cancelled everything
'cause of the shutdown?
Well, they're clearing
their backlog.
They're doing weddings
on Zoom.
upbeat bluesy music
How many years...
-We're gettin' married?
-Yes.
Right now?
Right now.
Seem to blind me
-You good?
-Yeah. Don't I seem good?
You're drivin'
like my grandma.
Thought you wanted to feel
some Italian horsepower.
I'm just being cautious.
There's cautious,
and then there's
whatever this is.
Giddy up, kid.
That a boy.
rock music
Okay.
All right, that's enough.
That's enough, kid.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!
Slow the fuck down!
I don't know what's going on.
It's outta control!
Brake, brake, brake!
Oh...what the fuck?
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Piece of shit!
Man, what the hell?
- You fuck!
- I told you
don't let Billie Eilish
drive the car!
Mommy'll be right up, baby.
Rough day?
I didn't expect you
to be here.
No, I wasn't.
I left.
But then I came back,
because I thought
I should tell you to your face
how big of a bitch you are.
Mission accomplished.
You know, we both said
some things we shouldn't have.
But I'm open
to talking it out.
I'm not.
What do you mean?
I don't think I could be
with a person like you, Sandy.
A person like me.
Wow.
You left your kid.
So what did you do last night
and then again all day today?
-Is that not the same, or--
-I blew off some steam
for less than a day.
And it sucked,
and now I'm back.
With my kid.
Can you say the same
about you and Prince?
No, that is not fair.
I told you why I left Prince.
-I was 15 years old.
-Oh, my God.
I've heard
all of your excuses, Sandy,
and they sound great
coming out of your mouth.
But at the end of the day,
you walked out on somebody
that needed you.
I've got my entire family
trying to leave me.
I don't need to be worried
about you too.
You fucking...
You should see the scene
out there.
Some idiot drove his Ferrari
into a parked car.
What, she's not ready yet?
We're gonna miss our time slot.
-Is this dress too much?
-Excuse me?
-What's wrong with my dress?
- Nothin'.
It's perfect.
Are we really doing this?
I think so.
Dominic!
No, honey,
look, that is for
after they get married.
Kay?
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
I think they're ready
for y'all.
Yes, sir, I'm ready.
Me too.
Dominic!
I'm gonna beat
your little ass--sit down!
Yes, sir.
We'll just check in on him
real quick,
and then we got to get
to Liam's school.
-We're already late.
-In and out, all right?
I promise.
Where's Terry?
Your father...
he's an evil man.
No shit.
What're you doin' out here?
I had to handle him
the same way
I handled Sister Cecilia.
Yeah, the slap to the back
of the head thing, right?
- No.
-What? Like drugs?
-Fuckin' loves those.
- No.
A return to sit at the feet
of our Lord and Savior
in death.
funky music
Sorry, did you just say death?
Okay, we'll now take a minute
to consider the suggestion
of Mahatma Gandhi
Academy of Peace.
What's up, buddy?
Where is everybody?
Fuck 'em.
What'd I miss?
They already rejected
Martin Luther King
Middle School
because MLK was a womanizer.
Then they rejected
Barack Obama
because of his "use of drones
in the Middle East."
They even said no
to Michael Jordan.
Whoa, the GOAT?
His gambling sets
a bad example.
Tough crowd.
Hey, why's Frank
sittin' over there?
Said if I'm not with him,
I'm against him.
I guess we're enemies.
Unfortunately, I don't
think we can further consider
Mahatma Gandhi Academy
of Peace.
We've been made aware of
some problematic
century-old comments
Mr. Gandhi made
about Black Africans.
They're...disqualifying.
Up next to propose
a new name,
Francis Gallagher,
class of 1968.
Uh...thank you,
madam...president.
Thank you.
What I'd like to, uh,
to talk about today...
...is, um...
Obviously,
I'm here to address,
uh, t-the--uh...
I would like to address,
uh, the...
Uh...gimme a second.
It'll come to me.
I can't seem to remember
what I had to say.
Um, I don't think...
Memory's funny, isn't it?
It's like...
sand through your fingers.
Sometimes you can grab it,
and sometimes...
That damn fragile thing,
it's...
...all that'll be left of us.
All of us, at some point...
Just a memory.
And let me tell ya,
if you haven't made a mark,
now, while you're kickin'...
you don't even get that.
Uh...
uh...
Johnny?
Johnny Wisneiwski?
Hey!
Why don't you show everybody
your little baby dick?
-Come on!
I-I know the rest of the team
would really get
a kick outta that, huh?
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'll go first.
-Okay? Come on, Johnny.
- Mr. Gallagher--
- Hey, hey, back up!
That's my dad, asshole!
CPD!
What'd Frank do
this time?
He really lost it today.
Stripped naked at Liam's school
in front of a bunch of kids.
Only thing I could do to
prevent him from going to jail
was badging everyone there,
taking him to the ER.
He's still getting
evaluated.
Debs, you okay?
I've had a day.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I guess
that makes all of us.
A nun killed Mickey's dad.
Terry's dead?
As a doornail.
Damn! A nun?
God really does work in
mysterious ways, doesn't she?
Hey, sorry I missed your thing.
Terry's dying kinda threw
a wrench in our schedule.
-How'd it go?
-I think I did all right.
-Whoa!
-Hey!
-Shit, man!
-Nice!
What name did ya
end up pitching?
Well, when I realized
they had a problem
with every famous person's name
that anybody suggested,
I just thought
I'll play it safe,
so from now on, it's just gonna
be called The Middle School.
Nice one, man.
Hi.
What's going on?
-Where's Brad?
-Locked in the car.
Handcuffed to the door.
He's calmed down,
but he is a ticking bomb.
We gotta do something
-before he goes to the cops.
Okay, so all
of Mr. Gallagher's behavior
can be explained by
his previous diagnosis.
We didn't find evidence
of anything new.
Sorry,
his-his previous diagnosis?
Well, we treated Mr. Gallagher
three weeks ago,
did a neurological assessment,
and arrived at a diagnosis
of alcoholic dementia.
I'm...sorry. I thought
he would have told you by now.
I'm sure I mentioned it.
No.
You didn't.
I'm sorry.
What is alcoholic dementia?
Basically, he pickled his brain
with decades of drinking,
and now his mind
is calling it quits.
It involves significant
impairments of memory
and other cognitive functions.
Were you aware that your father
is an alcoholic?
There's been
some evidence of that, yeah.
Some days will be good,
and some will be bad.
Very bad.
It won't be
a linear progression.
You have to be prepared
to go along for the ride.
And try not to contradict him.
That leads to confusion
and anger.
Excuse me.
What are we doin'
in the hospital?
One of you have another kid?
No, you-you've got dementia.
From bein' a drunk, Frank.
funky music