Sextortion (2020): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Motherf**ker - full transcript
It's election day, Darren must bury his demons and make peace with his past.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
DARREN: The sicko in the sex tape
is me.
It's my sex tape.
The thing about
blowing up your entire life
is you never know
what's going to happen next.
Thanks to me, Carol had finally made
the six o'clock news.
We go now to our special
correspondent, Carol Kopa.
Kia-ora. And thank you, Kent.
But so had I.
I am the sick individual
in the video.
In fact, the whole world
was talking about yours truly.
There's this guy
down in New Zealand.
This is one of the greatest
Kiwi political moments of all time.
The funniest thing ever
to happen in local politics.
And it seemed everyone I knew
was lining up to put the boot in.
Any comments for Darren, sir?
He has betrayed his father,
he has no place in this home
or in this party.
Nothing else to say.
Except for Shona,
at least she was going easy on me.
Darren hired me
to fulfil him in a very specific way
for a specific desperate need
and I did that
and I don't judge him for it.
CAROL: Now no-one has seen
or heard from Darren Bellows
since his very public meltdown.
Understandably, he seems to be
avoiding public scrutiny.
(SIGHS)
My career in politics was toast
and my new life as a laughing stock
had only just begun.
I guess I only have myself to blame
really.
Oh, and Belinda.
CAROL: (ON TV) So, based on
the early exit polls that we have
it's impossible to call which way
this election is going to go.
The incumbent liberal coalition
have lost...
Still here then, are we?
I haven't got anywhere else to go.
(MIMICS) I haven't got
anywhere else to go.
Well, if you're going to
stick around, make yourself useful.
(ELECTION COVERAGE CONTINUES)
REPORTER: It appears CUP Party
leader Darren Bellows'
political career is over
following his shocking antics
over the past weeks.
He should have known...
(SWITCHES RADIO OFF)
Hey, Hari. I just got some pizza.
I don't know if you're hungry or...
It's not spaghetti and pineapple but
I thought we could try something new.
Not really hungry.
Um, I'll just...
I'm so sorry, Hari, about, um, with
the videos and not believing you...
..and Belinda and all that,
I just... I said those... I didn't...
The stuff I said about brothers,
of course you're my brother.
Have you got anywhere to stay?
Nah.
Should take the pizza back
to my place.
Oh, god, uh...
Oh... Yeah...
I was telling lies before.
Yeah?
I'm really hungry.
Oh, well, it's not much to look at
but...
We'll put some spaghetti on it.
Oh, yeah, great.
After all I'd been through, I
was really grateful for a comfy bed
and a home-cooked meal.
There you are.
Thanks.
The polls were finally shutting
on the election
and thanks to Hari...
BOTH: Cheers.
..I was actually starting to feel
that maybe things
were going to be OK.
Hey, Carol's on the news.
Oh, no, no, no, Hari,
I don't want to...
Come on, Darren, we started this,
we have to finish it.
How do you feel?
How do you think I feel, Carol?
What's going on?
The Glenderson Electorate
are obviously disillusioned.
They're obviously after likes
and Instagram followers.
I don't know,
maybe he got bumped from the list?
..they're obviously
not voting for policies.
How else do you explain it?
This is a political upset
for the ages.
Against all conceivable odds,
Darren Bellows has won
the Glenderson Electorate.
Like I said,
when you blow up your entire life
you never know
what's going to happen next.
Oh, frick.
REPORTER: It is early days, only 52%
of the vote has been counted
but I am told that I can confirm,
Darren Bellows
has won a seat in parliament.
It was hard to believe
but somehow this whole debacle
had just given me
a one-way ticket to the Beehive.
As far as I can tell,
this is how it all happened.
Everyone had been talking about me,
so for a lot of people,
Darren Bellows was the only name
they recognised on the ballet.
Some people voted for me as a joke.
So if you're a fan of whacking off
and Jazzercize,
there's no doubt about it...
Who isn't, Jerry?
..I'd be voting for Darren Bellows.
I love Darren Bellows.
And others because they thought
I was the country's
most honest politician.
I'm the pervert in video,
in the sex video.
It was me. It was me in the video.
But one of the most popular theories
as to why
I won the Glenderson Electorate,
was that it was due
to record low voting turnout.
I guess most people just aren't
that interested in politics.
Adele, what does this
mean for the make-up of the Beehive?
Well, Kent, it was looking like we
were going to have a hung parliament
but now with the surprising
edition of the extra CUP Party seat,
the political future of the nation
lies in the hands
of none other than Darren Bellows.
I think the most important question
is "Where is Darren Bellows?"
Nobody has seen him in days.
So, what is he going to do?
(BREATHES HEAVILY AND SIGHS)
Darren, Darren. This is great.
Darren, this is so great.
You've done it, you've won.
Darren, the voters chose you.
I didn't react that well
to becoming kingmaker at first
but then I realised
I had all the power
and I didn't have to feel ashamed
anymore.
I know what I have to do.
(JOURNALISTS CLAMOUR) Mr Bellows.
Mr Bellows, how do you respond?
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Can we have your first
political statement, Mr Bellows?
Direct your questions to me.
I'm Hari...
Left or right, Mr Hari?
I think the thing
you can always rely on,
Darren Bellows will put the needs
of the Glenderson Electorate first.
So, the prodigal son has returned.
You are a depraved,
perverted little wretch.
You have brought shame
on this family, shame on me!
You will resign from this party
and I will take back what is mine.
And you and I will never speak
or see each other again.
Now get out.
That's not going to happen, Dad.
I'm going to stay leader of the party
and you can go to hell.
What did you say to me?
You can go to hell.
How dare you.
How dare you.
You're the most vile, repugnant man
there ever was, you disgust me.
You're the reason that Mum left.
Huh?
You're the reason I'm so twisted,
it's all you. OK?
You're the reason that Belinda
did all of this.
Belinda,
she's just a cretinous idiot.
I'm actually really glad
she did all of this,
I feel much...lighter.
(CLEARS THROAT)
OK, Dad. This
is what's going to happen is,
you're going to resign as treasurer
of the CUP Party
and then
you're going to get your wish.
We're never going
to see each other again.
OK?
I always thought
you were a perverted little freak.
Yeah, I guess I am.
I mean, that's why everyone
voted for me so, thank you.
I finally realised, I pretty much
always ignored Belinda
and that was so much worse
than anything she'd put me through,
which was a lot.
I can't believe you just said that
to your father.
But he deserved it, so...
I'm really sorry.
I never meant to hurt you.
I just wanted you...
It's alright.
And for what it's worth, Belinda,
I just...
I love you so much and I don't know
what I'd do without you.
I just wanted to say
if there's any chance left
I'd really like
to plant my seed inside you...
..if you still were into
something like that.
Of course, silly.
I love you.
I love you too.
OK. Let's go.
How long have you known Darren?
Look, all our lives,
ever since we were kids really.
He's my best mate.
Mr Bellows. Mr Bellows.
Darren. Darren.
Which way will you go?
OK, first and foremost,
I just want to say thank you so much
to all the voters.
We really appreciate you taking
the time out to come out and vote.
And in terms
of which side of the political fence
we're going to align with,
that is TBC.
So, what do you feel
about these accusations?
Come on, no, no, no, you've had
your fun. You've had your fun.
Come on, back to your circus.
Darren, will you step aside and let
your father take the reins again?
That's enough. Come on.
It's a nice neighbourhood, guys.
I'm so proud of you.
What are you going to do, kingmaker?
I don't know.
What do you think we should do?
I've got an idea.
Open.
Huh?
No?
Yeah.
After years of trying
to force our relationship,
we'd finally made it fit.
We just had to let go of all
the lies about who we thought we were
and embrace who we truly are.
# 'Cause every little bit
of my heart is true
# This is where I belong
# I'm saving every little bit
of my heart for you... #
Oh, man, I'm so...
This is amazing.
Hello. I'm Darren Bellows. And I've
just become a member of parliament.
So, if you voted for me thank you
so much, we did it.
They're calling me a kingmaker, um,
which is a huge decision
and it's, woof, yeah, um.
Please, if people have kind of got
ideas of who I should decide
please, please let me know,
please tell me what to do.
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2021
DARREN: The sicko in the sex tape
is me.
It's my sex tape.
The thing about
blowing up your entire life
is you never know
what's going to happen next.
Thanks to me, Carol had finally made
the six o'clock news.
We go now to our special
correspondent, Carol Kopa.
Kia-ora. And thank you, Kent.
But so had I.
I am the sick individual
in the video.
In fact, the whole world
was talking about yours truly.
There's this guy
down in New Zealand.
This is one of the greatest
Kiwi political moments of all time.
The funniest thing ever
to happen in local politics.
And it seemed everyone I knew
was lining up to put the boot in.
Any comments for Darren, sir?
He has betrayed his father,
he has no place in this home
or in this party.
Nothing else to say.
Except for Shona,
at least she was going easy on me.
Darren hired me
to fulfil him in a very specific way
for a specific desperate need
and I did that
and I don't judge him for it.
CAROL: Now no-one has seen
or heard from Darren Bellows
since his very public meltdown.
Understandably, he seems to be
avoiding public scrutiny.
(SIGHS)
My career in politics was toast
and my new life as a laughing stock
had only just begun.
I guess I only have myself to blame
really.
Oh, and Belinda.
CAROL: (ON TV) So, based on
the early exit polls that we have
it's impossible to call which way
this election is going to go.
The incumbent liberal coalition
have lost...
Still here then, are we?
I haven't got anywhere else to go.
(MIMICS) I haven't got
anywhere else to go.
Well, if you're going to
stick around, make yourself useful.
(ELECTION COVERAGE CONTINUES)
REPORTER: It appears CUP Party
leader Darren Bellows'
political career is over
following his shocking antics
over the past weeks.
He should have known...
(SWITCHES RADIO OFF)
Hey, Hari. I just got some pizza.
I don't know if you're hungry or...
It's not spaghetti and pineapple but
I thought we could try something new.
Not really hungry.
Um, I'll just...
I'm so sorry, Hari, about, um, with
the videos and not believing you...
..and Belinda and all that,
I just... I said those... I didn't...
The stuff I said about brothers,
of course you're my brother.
Have you got anywhere to stay?
Nah.
Should take the pizza back
to my place.
Oh, god, uh...
Oh... Yeah...
I was telling lies before.
Yeah?
I'm really hungry.
Oh, well, it's not much to look at
but...
We'll put some spaghetti on it.
Oh, yeah, great.
After all I'd been through, I
was really grateful for a comfy bed
and a home-cooked meal.
There you are.
Thanks.
The polls were finally shutting
on the election
and thanks to Hari...
BOTH: Cheers.
..I was actually starting to feel
that maybe things
were going to be OK.
Hey, Carol's on the news.
Oh, no, no, no, Hari,
I don't want to...
Come on, Darren, we started this,
we have to finish it.
How do you feel?
How do you think I feel, Carol?
What's going on?
The Glenderson Electorate
are obviously disillusioned.
They're obviously after likes
and Instagram followers.
I don't know,
maybe he got bumped from the list?
..they're obviously
not voting for policies.
How else do you explain it?
This is a political upset
for the ages.
Against all conceivable odds,
Darren Bellows has won
the Glenderson Electorate.
Like I said,
when you blow up your entire life
you never know
what's going to happen next.
Oh, frick.
REPORTER: It is early days, only 52%
of the vote has been counted
but I am told that I can confirm,
Darren Bellows
has won a seat in parliament.
It was hard to believe
but somehow this whole debacle
had just given me
a one-way ticket to the Beehive.
As far as I can tell,
this is how it all happened.
Everyone had been talking about me,
so for a lot of people,
Darren Bellows was the only name
they recognised on the ballet.
Some people voted for me as a joke.
So if you're a fan of whacking off
and Jazzercize,
there's no doubt about it...
Who isn't, Jerry?
..I'd be voting for Darren Bellows.
I love Darren Bellows.
And others because they thought
I was the country's
most honest politician.
I'm the pervert in video,
in the sex video.
It was me. It was me in the video.
But one of the most popular theories
as to why
I won the Glenderson Electorate,
was that it was due
to record low voting turnout.
I guess most people just aren't
that interested in politics.
Adele, what does this
mean for the make-up of the Beehive?
Well, Kent, it was looking like we
were going to have a hung parliament
but now with the surprising
edition of the extra CUP Party seat,
the political future of the nation
lies in the hands
of none other than Darren Bellows.
I think the most important question
is "Where is Darren Bellows?"
Nobody has seen him in days.
So, what is he going to do?
(BREATHES HEAVILY AND SIGHS)
Darren, Darren. This is great.
Darren, this is so great.
You've done it, you've won.
Darren, the voters chose you.
I didn't react that well
to becoming kingmaker at first
but then I realised
I had all the power
and I didn't have to feel ashamed
anymore.
I know what I have to do.
(JOURNALISTS CLAMOUR) Mr Bellows.
Mr Bellows, how do you respond?
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Can we have your first
political statement, Mr Bellows?
Direct your questions to me.
I'm Hari...
Left or right, Mr Hari?
I think the thing
you can always rely on,
Darren Bellows will put the needs
of the Glenderson Electorate first.
So, the prodigal son has returned.
You are a depraved,
perverted little wretch.
You have brought shame
on this family, shame on me!
You will resign from this party
and I will take back what is mine.
And you and I will never speak
or see each other again.
Now get out.
That's not going to happen, Dad.
I'm going to stay leader of the party
and you can go to hell.
What did you say to me?
You can go to hell.
How dare you.
How dare you.
You're the most vile, repugnant man
there ever was, you disgust me.
You're the reason that Mum left.
Huh?
You're the reason I'm so twisted,
it's all you. OK?
You're the reason that Belinda
did all of this.
Belinda,
she's just a cretinous idiot.
I'm actually really glad
she did all of this,
I feel much...lighter.
(CLEARS THROAT)
OK, Dad. This
is what's going to happen is,
you're going to resign as treasurer
of the CUP Party
and then
you're going to get your wish.
We're never going
to see each other again.
OK?
I always thought
you were a perverted little freak.
Yeah, I guess I am.
I mean, that's why everyone
voted for me so, thank you.
I finally realised, I pretty much
always ignored Belinda
and that was so much worse
than anything she'd put me through,
which was a lot.
I can't believe you just said that
to your father.
But he deserved it, so...
I'm really sorry.
I never meant to hurt you.
I just wanted you...
It's alright.
And for what it's worth, Belinda,
I just...
I love you so much and I don't know
what I'd do without you.
I just wanted to say
if there's any chance left
I'd really like
to plant my seed inside you...
..if you still were into
something like that.
Of course, silly.
I love you.
I love you too.
OK. Let's go.
How long have you known Darren?
Look, all our lives,
ever since we were kids really.
He's my best mate.
Mr Bellows. Mr Bellows.
Darren. Darren.
Which way will you go?
OK, first and foremost,
I just want to say thank you so much
to all the voters.
We really appreciate you taking
the time out to come out and vote.
And in terms
of which side of the political fence
we're going to align with,
that is TBC.
So, what do you feel
about these accusations?
Come on, no, no, no, you've had
your fun. You've had your fun.
Come on, back to your circus.
Darren, will you step aside and let
your father take the reins again?
That's enough. Come on.
It's a nice neighbourhood, guys.
I'm so proud of you.
What are you going to do, kingmaker?
I don't know.
What do you think we should do?
I've got an idea.
Open.
Huh?
No?
Yeah.
After years of trying
to force our relationship,
we'd finally made it fit.
We just had to let go of all
the lies about who we thought we were
and embrace who we truly are.
# 'Cause every little bit
of my heart is true
# This is where I belong
# I'm saving every little bit
of my heart for you... #
Oh, man, I'm so...
This is amazing.
Hello. I'm Darren Bellows. And I've
just become a member of parliament.
So, if you voted for me thank you
so much, we did it.
They're calling me a kingmaker, um,
which is a huge decision
and it's, woof, yeah, um.
Please, if people have kind of got
ideas of who I should decide
please, please let me know,
please tell me what to do.
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2021