Sexify (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
A NETLIX SERIES
[ominous music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
Can we take a five?
[woman] All right.
[exhales]
- Hey.
- Hey.
[moans]
♪ Sexify ♪
KUBA GYM: HEY, GORGEOUS. WHAT'S UP?
[exhales]
[sultry music plays]
Again?
(UNKNOWN: HI, IT'S AREK ;)
UNKNOWN: GOT MY NUMBER, RIGHT?
I CAN SEE YOU READ IT!
[exhales]
[moans]
[tense music plays]
- [moans]
- ♪ Sexify ♪
HI, PAULINA!
START
ARE YOU ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?
ALONE
AROUSAL LEVEL
THIS TIME, TAKE YOUR TIME
TAKE OFF YOUR PANTIES,
AND JUST DO YOUR THING
[electronic music plays]
DEVICES
[exhales]
[breathing heavily]
[electronic music ends]
- [gasps]
- [vibrator buzzing]
Hey Adam, I thought you had already left.
No. Hadn't said goodbye yet.
Okay, bye.
[vibrator buzzing]
Gonna answer that?
Oh, uh, yeah.
I will in a sec.
Okay. Bye.
[upbeat music plays]
[music ends]
Our next guest on the show
specializes in two things
that, unfortunately, I know nothing about.
New technologies and sex.
- [rim shot plays]
- [audience laughs]
Her app hasn't launched yet,
but I'm sure you've heard of it.
Please welcome the CEO
with her new app, Sexify, ready to launch.
She is a rising star in Polish technology,
Monika Nowicka!
[upbeat music plays]
APPLAUSE
[music ends]
I have many questions about your app
that helps women easily achieve orgasms.
Most of them from my wife.
- [laughs]
- [rim shot plays]
[audience laughs]
But first, I'd like to ask
about your journey.
You've just begun
your personal ascent in business,
but Nowicki is a name
that carries a lot of weight
in business circles.
What do you mean by that?
Your father, most of all.
Oh, right, I've heard of him.
- [host chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
But I have never relied on my father
for this company.
To clear things up,
my father has nothing to do
with my business.
I believe it's important
for a woman to find her independence
in everything.
And it's for those kinds of women
that we made Sexify.
[audience cheers, applauds]
I don't know.
What don't you know?
Well I always find that chicks are
always talking about their independence,
but when push comes to shove,
they need a man to help 'em out. [laughs]
- [rim shot plays]
- [audience laughs]
And that's when Young Juvenile
walks into your life.
[crowd gasps]
Uh-huh.
Excuse me, who is this?
[all laugh]
Monika, I think maybe
you should get out of the office more.
Young Juvenile is the number one
hip-hop artist in Poland.
- [crowd cheers]
- [band reacts]
Please forgive me.
I wouldn't know
because we are only for adults.
[audience laughs]
This is adult exclusive too. [laughs]
Okay, listen girls,
if you would rather use a product
without having influence
from men like that,
then get ready for tomorrow
when we finally launch Sexify.
- [audience applauds, cheers]
- That's right.
Go home, check out Sexify,
and my latest single, "The Horse"!
[Young Juvenile hoots, hollers]
[exhales]
[gentle music plays]
[sighs]
CAUTION
AREA UNDER CONSTRUCTION
[Paulina] Hey.
Would you let me borrow an outfit?
For the launch, please?
- Sure thing.
- [door creaks]
Just pick something out.
[roommate 1] What's going on?
- [roommate 2] I'm sleeping.
- [roommate 3] I'm almost done.
[roommate 1] No, that's not...
Paula, you want a tat?
Uh, no, thank you.
What "plus one"?
They should feel grateful
they got invited.
Yo, Babes! What's going on?
- You know I'm older than you.
- Just chill.
I call everyone babe.
How can I help you?
I like you.
My honey.
Excellent. That solves all of my issues.
Wait, are you still angry about the show?
You know sometimes you gotta flex, right?
I don't understand a word you're saying.
Yeah, Babes,
that's why I think you're so great!
When honeys don't get it they're all like,
"Oh, Young Juvenile."
Just to get tagged in a post
and party with a rapper.
Oh, so you're looking for a honey to love?
No.
I'm looking for truth.
- I'd take care of you.
- [scoffs]
Have you been asleep for the past hour?
After we launch the app tomorrow,
I could take care of ten kids
just like you.
Private school, swimming lessons,
and a language tutor for all of you.
What I was trying to say
is I could take care of you now.
ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?
WITH SOMEONE
I'm fucking gorgeous. Whatcha gonna do?
You fucking are.
[doors slams]
[chuckles]
♪ Got crazy dudes all around me ♪
♪ Only A-class honeys surround me ♪
[electronic music plays]
♪ Listen up to a young stallion ♪
♪ Check out his tunes
Check out his moves ♪
♪ He's in your head... ♪
[both moaning]
You know,
I was thinking I should exercise more.
Maciek wants me
to go to practice with him,
so I'll come to your launch right after,
okay?
You know, that is if I survive.
Damn it...
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's just-
Just a few last-second touches
I've got to work on.
You think you should've hired someone
to help you?
No, I don't need help.
- Okay, I guess you're fine on your own.
- What?
[moans]
What?
You know I just meant that...
you're a genius. That's all.
Well, I'm late for the office.
You're coming to our launch, right?
[Adam] Hmm?
Uh... yeah. I am.
Super. Bye!
Bye.
[whistle blows]
How's it feel?
Fit all right?
I don't know. Does it look all right?
Yeah, you look great.
[roars]
[roars]
All right!
[Adam chuckles]
[buzzer sounds]
[players laughing]
Hey, guys. This is Adam. He's my buddy.
- Hiya.
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
- Adam, these are the guys.
S'up... fellas.
Why are you still wearing your helmet
in here, man?
What are you saying right now?
No. Have you heard of it?
Nah, I haven't heard of that, but...
Wait. Hold on, I'm going to check.
You know what,
check if it says anything about
- My beads fell off because of you.
- See?
Yes, Monika?
[Monika]
Paulina, I need you to pick up the cake.
Weren't you going to do that?
If I could do it,
I wouldn't need you to do it.
Really?
Paulina, please can you get the cake?
- Um... I...
- I can't make it right now.
And you're not too busy, are you?
All right.
- Thanks. Bye!
- [dial tone beeps]
[Young Juvenile chuckles]
- [player] Your first time, huh, Adam?
- [Adam] Yeah.
- Be careful or you'll injure yourself.
- Hey, Riczi, don't scare the guy.
Don't worry.
I'm just messing around. Relax.
All right. Men, let's kick their asses.
- Right on! Right, Adam?
- [Adam] Let's do it.
Right on!
[whistle blows]
[players shouting indistinctly]
[player 1] Go. Let's go.
[player 2] Fucking wreck them!
[coach] Come on!
[chanting]
[player 3] Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!
Fuck him up!
[coach] Put some fucking effort into it!
[buzzer sounds]
Okay, I understand, but the thing is
I've been waiting over half an hour
for my son's birthday cake.
[employee] It's my first day.
[customer] That's fine,
but I'm starting to get frustrated.
[Paulina] Oh, hey.
Mm. Hey.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [cutlery clinking]
Are those cream rolls?
Yeah, they are.
I envy you.
I think cream rolls are delicious.
We're in a pastry shop. You can get one.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Oh, right. Always something in the way
of your pleasure, right?
- Is this about...
- It's about nothing now.
Hmm.
I like coffee.
So if you want...
Well, I mean, if you like coffee too,
then we could...
- Would you like a coffee?
- [Paulina] What? No.
So, why did you say that?
- There you go.
- [Paulina] Thank you. Have a good day.
- Have a good day.
- See you later.
Unbelievable!
We're not granting accreditation.
Have a good day.
Hey, I rarely say this to bitches,
but you're dope.
- Tell me, how old are you again?
- Twenty.
And a half.
And a half? Hey!
Babes, come on!
I sense some good shit happening here.
- You really do have a way with words.
- Well, yeah. It's what I do. [sniffs]
You'll have a grand life with me like so.
I have a grand life on my already,
Young Lad.
It's Juvenile.
At this point,
there's no sense in remembering.
[upbeat music plays]
[car engine revving]
Hello, Ms.
- [female voice] Hey.
- [Paulina] Hi.
I've got plenty left to do. Make it quick.
[phone rings]
- [male voice] Hello, Ms. Monika.
- Good afternoon.
Wow. This or that?
- This one.
- Amazing.
Ms. Monika,
you had a call from the newspap...
No. No more guests. The lists are closed.
Is the surprise after the countdown
or before the cake?
- After the countdown.
- All right.
...we inhale... and the exhale...
[Monika] Hey!
I've just finished
the final round of testing.
Now we're finally ready for launch.
Great work. Have you slept?
- A little.
- I told you to hire an assistant.
There's no need for that.
I've got us all covered
on the technical front.
Super.
I took care of the media and guests.
I went and grabbed the cake.
Girls!
Today is the day.
Today the world
meets our child.
And then our child will teach it sex.
We might want to rework that metaphor.
[Paulina inhales, exhales]
[player 1] How much you want for it?
[player 2] Watch your back. Oh, hey!
[Riczi] Adam!
I had no idea you were such a berserker.
Where you been hiding all that?
Well, you know,
we gotta fight the fight, man.
[Riczi] Exactly.
You can't be scared of the game.
[chuckles]
Looks like I brought us a real fighter.
- [exhales]
- Sirens!
[blade whooshing]
[upbeat music plays]
[screams]
[Monika] Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
- Holy fuck!
- Riczi! You're gonna make it!
- Hold it!
- How will I play hockey?
- Are you fucking nuts?
- You'll make it again!
- Oh, shit. Turn there.
- Where? Here?
GROUNDBREAKING
INNOVATIVE APP
Hey.
Have you seen Adam?
I'm sure he'll be here soon.
- [Monika] Everything's set.
- [assistant] Yes.
First, the speech, then... What?
- And then you can sing if you want to.
- [chuckles]
Good one! No, but seriously,
first the speech, then the cake...
[assistant] You know everything.
It's all good.
All right. Sounds good.
Well, well...
Hey, darling.
I have to tell you.
All of this looks super-pro!
Thanks, Dad. This is only the beginning.
The last time I was this proud of you...
was...
[chuckles]
Excuse me. Thanks for coming.
I've gotta go launch my app.
- Well, okay. [chuckles]
- Girls!
Hello.
[Monika] Hello, guests.
We gladly welcome you all tonight
to the grand launch of Sexify.
In a moment, our app will be available
to all women living in Poland.
We believe that our product
will help lead our country
right out of the Dark Ages
and into the future.
And so, finally we, girls,
will be able to screw whoever
and do it the way we like.
[crowd cheers]
That's my daughter there.
Together with Natalia,
we are fully confident...
and Paulina is included as well,
that this app we have created
is going to bring
the Polish technology industry
to brand-new and exciting places.
[crowd cheers]
And to end things,
we'd like to offer our thanks.
We'd like to thank
absolutely no one.
[crowd laughs]
That's because with this app,
we did it alone.
In just ten seconds,
Sexify will be launching.
Ten... nine... eight...
seven... six...
[microphone feedback]
- [Paulina] But...
- [male voice] Four! Three...
[man clears throat]
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
[laughs nervously]
Just a moment, everyone.
Uh, change of plans here.
That's because we have cake for you.
[guest cheers]
That's right. Come on, bring out the cake.
[assistant] Excuse me.
Excuse us. Excuse us.
Careful.
What is that?
What is that?
Uh, it's a cake.
[power shutting down]
[camera shutter clicking]
Power.
It isn't mentioned enough
how if you want to make it
in the tech industry,
you have to pay the electricity.
But we did pay!
Up to a point.
We have 63 groszy in our account.
And unpaid bills for the past four months.
Not only electric.
How's that possible?
In other issues,
we're behind
on our employees' social security
and the down-payment for Paulina's school.
Okay.
Don't look at me like that.
I had you do one thing, bring the cake.
[Paulina] I don't think
that's our biggest problem now.
[Monika] It shows your attitude.
We've got around half a million in debt.
Roughly that.
Okay. Anything positive, Natalia?
Your hotel is paid
through the end of the year.
[Paulina] Oh, wonderful.
So we've got a hotel, a slide,
and Monika's car from Fast & Furious 13.
Don't have an app though.
[sighs] Just relax.
I'm sure there's other upsides here.
An upside is that a guy hasn't shown up
with a death certificate
because we should be planning
for a funeral right now after all this.
Sexify is officially dead.
Okay, then what should we do.
[Natalia and Paulina sigh]
I only see one solution.
And that is?
- We've gotta borrow money and fast.
- Half a million?
Roughly that.
From where?
I think it's clear. Ask your father.
- Are you fucking nuts?
- Me?
This is everything I have, got it?
I'm no one without this.
We've gotten too close now
to just let your pride get in the way.
- If we don't get money soon...
- A guy with a death certificate.
[Adam] Hey.
Is it already over?
[Natalia] You could say that.
Sorry,
but Maciek nearly cut off a guy's finger...
Cut off a finger?
Yeah, I went to practice,
like I told you. Remember?
Oh, that's right.
Never mind that.
How was the launch, genius.
There was no launch. Only a fail.
[Adam] Fail?
Total fail.
Don't worry. I'm sure
that you can save the app somehow, right?
Just like the finger.
What?
All I'm trying to say is that
things aren't always perfect
from the start, right?
It has to be for me.
Otherwise, why would I bother doing it?
Oh.
I understand.
[audience laughs]
But I've never relied on my father
to do this.
To clear things up,
my father has nothing to do
with my business.
I believe it's important for a woman
to find her independence.
[host] So, then "no role model"?
That's right.
Though if I had to name someone,
it would be Małgorzata Dębska.
She proved that women can call the shots
in technology in the Polish world.
[Young Juvenile]
I earned my first mil when I was 16.
I went to piss during biology,
checked my account, then...
[hisses] ...never came back.
[chuckles]
[screams]
[electronic music plays]
- Paulina!
- Paulina.
Here you go. This one's for you.
- Drink up!
- Drink to us!
[woman gasps]
I got you a drink. Let's do it. Cheers.
And here, this way. Come on.
You meet Marcel.
Oh. How's it going?
Nice to meet you.
So, uh, why the long face?
Trouble over at the company.
- Ah, fuck the company.
- I'd rather not, 'cause it's my company.
You hear that tune?
It's our favorite song.
The one that plays when we kiss.
[scoffs]
- I've never heard this one.
- Exactly.
Mm.
[all screaming]
- [man] We're temporarily closed!
- I want an autograph!
Please stand back! Stand back, everyone.
Excuse me, I have an appointment!
Just like everyone else here.
- [Young Juvenile] Babes!
- Hey!
- [laughs] Get over here!
- Yeah! You heard him. I'm Babes.
- [camera shutters clicking]
- [fans screaming]
- This way.
- This is Babes.
- Sure thing, I'm in.
- Seriously?
Yeah, you got it, Babes.
You fucking hottie.
- I didn't think you'd agree so quickly.
- That one.
- Good choice, Mr. Juvenile.
- The whole set.
Sexify will do you well.
- Honestly? I don't give a fuck.
- Excuse me?
I only do business with my posse.
I got a waterboarding track for my bud
because he wanted it.
Waterboarding is torture, isn't it?
See? I don't even know what I have there.
But I'm good to my peeps.
And you're my woman,
so you get whatever you want.
Wait, what?
100 SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS IN A YEAR
[Marcel grunts]
Oh God.
Morning already?
I passed out.
Wait, your company is Sexify?
It looks that way.
I saw your boss on that interview.
Partner, not boss.
Okay, that's cool.
She had a bossy vibe though.
Young Lad, I just want to make sure
that I'm clear here
regarding our business relations.
I want to offer you an investment
in our business.
But honey, just listen.
I've sown my oats. Enough fooling around.
What I need is a woman.
Not a cheap hoe.
I want someone like you, Babes.
- A wife.
- Oh.
Babes, think about it.
I just needed some money, not a husband.
You know what's
in the seventh circle of hell?
Men, money, and sex.
I'm officially done with my fuck career.
All men are fuckers!
[woman]
It's good to see some fire in you, girls.
Especially after that fiasco.
Mrs. Dębska.
If you say it was a fiasco.
I saw you on TV, Monika.
And you caught my eye.
And your product also caught my interest.
Our product.
Of course. Your product.
Your non-existent product.
Which worries you, me, and the bank.
Who will come any day now
to take what's left
of this once-promising project of yours.
However, I could...
let me be clear...
could help you.
As a minority investor.
It's good that nothing happened,
'cause if you teach people sex, then...
I'm not sure I'd measure up for you.
[Marcel chuckles]
Hey.
I didn't mean nothing by it.
It's good that you enjoy life.
Yeah, it's cool.
I just feel like...
I don't think it's a good fit, you know?
You and me?
Well,
all of you.
Maybe if you'd also make an app for men...
We're not looking for outside investors.
Thank you though.
I understand.
- What? She's a business angel.
- I don't believe in angels.
You wanna give up our child?
Have you even asked your father?
All right, listen. Before I leave,
I'll tell you what happens next.
As an experienced,
older colleague of yours.
You'll swallow your pride
and ask your father
for the money that you need.
Somehow,
you'll survive until the next crisis.
And when it comes,
a slew of other potential investors
will arrive.
Serious investors.
You will go to meet these men by tram,
and their private jets will fly them in.
They will have other men in tow with them.
Men who are experts
on cigars and football.
With every passing day,
you'll feel it slip away more and more
until... you're an intruder
in the company you made.
You've become someone to smile at,
to compliment,
or to have a quick office affair with.
But to have a serious discussion?
With a 20-year-old girl?
When men are 20 years old,
they're potential stars.
They're young wolves.
The heir to the throne.
But a 20-year-old woman?
She's a daughter or a lover.
Good enough to discuss the paint color
for the house in Marbella.
Because men,
as you've aptly put it, Monika, are...
[mouths] fucked up.
That won't happen to us.
How did you get here today?
- Why do you ask?
- How'd you get here?
- By tram.
- Okay, we're in.
Super.
Convince me.
But you were the one who just...
I convinced you to hear me out.
Now it's your turn to convince me.
Sexify is a revolutionary, visionary...
How many users do you project
to be using it by year's end?
- Half a million.
- Not enough.
You've got to have at least twice that.
You can't afford
to operate an app like this
with so few users.
- You didn't know that?
- Of course we knew about that.
So what's your idea then?
How do you plan to get a million users
the first year?
[Paulina] We'll make an app...
for men too.
That sounds like a lot of work for you.
No. We're already working on it.
- You're working on it.
- Yeah, Monika, we're working on it?
Yes. We were going to
announce it yesterday.
Um, a similar app for men, from Sexify.
Maxim.
[Paulina] Mm-hmm.
Maxim...
for...
for maximum pleasure.
Exactly.
It's a terrible idea.
That name.
But you've convinced me.
Show me in...
[Natalia] Four weeks.
We've got four weeks to create an app
like Sexify from scratch.
- No, it's different than Sexify.
- Yeah? Why?
Because men are extremely simple creatures
and it's for them.
Also, it's not about them.
It's the money for Sexify.
An app that facilitates the male orgasm?
Easy money.
No.
It's hard. It's not easy.
It's months of collecting
different kinds of data
and creating an algorithm.
We've got a fucking amazing product
in Sexify,
and you're going to ruin it all
with your lie.
Mm. Relax.
Monika is the queen
of field-testing live organisms.
No, actually. Not anymore.
I'm focusing on work.
So... On your mark, Tinder girl.
I don't have Tinder.
Wait. How long have you been single?
And you don't have Tinder?
I don't like all those apps.
Oh.
Fuck it. We've got Adam.
[tense music plays]
[upbeat music plays]
[crowd screaming]
[man] Hey, kids!
Cake! Come on in!
All righty, cake. Here we go.
Okay. Max...
[all] Three! Two! And one!
[all cheer]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music ends]
[electronic music plays]
[electronic music ends]
[electronic music plays]
[electronic music ends]
[ominous music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
Can we take a five?
[woman] All right.
[exhales]
- Hey.
- Hey.
[moans]
♪ Sexify ♪
KUBA GYM: HEY, GORGEOUS. WHAT'S UP?
[exhales]
[sultry music plays]
Again?
(UNKNOWN: HI, IT'S AREK ;)
UNKNOWN: GOT MY NUMBER, RIGHT?
I CAN SEE YOU READ IT!
[exhales]
[moans]
[tense music plays]
- [moans]
- ♪ Sexify ♪
HI, PAULINA!
START
ARE YOU ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?
ALONE
AROUSAL LEVEL
THIS TIME, TAKE YOUR TIME
TAKE OFF YOUR PANTIES,
AND JUST DO YOUR THING
[electronic music plays]
DEVICES
[exhales]
[breathing heavily]
[electronic music ends]
- [gasps]
- [vibrator buzzing]
Hey Adam, I thought you had already left.
No. Hadn't said goodbye yet.
Okay, bye.
[vibrator buzzing]
Gonna answer that?
Oh, uh, yeah.
I will in a sec.
Okay. Bye.
[upbeat music plays]
[music ends]
Our next guest on the show
specializes in two things
that, unfortunately, I know nothing about.
New technologies and sex.
- [rim shot plays]
- [audience laughs]
Her app hasn't launched yet,
but I'm sure you've heard of it.
Please welcome the CEO
with her new app, Sexify, ready to launch.
She is a rising star in Polish technology,
Monika Nowicka!
[upbeat music plays]
APPLAUSE
[music ends]
I have many questions about your app
that helps women easily achieve orgasms.
Most of them from my wife.
- [laughs]
- [rim shot plays]
[audience laughs]
But first, I'd like to ask
about your journey.
You've just begun
your personal ascent in business,
but Nowicki is a name
that carries a lot of weight
in business circles.
What do you mean by that?
Your father, most of all.
Oh, right, I've heard of him.
- [host chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
But I have never relied on my father
for this company.
To clear things up,
my father has nothing to do
with my business.
I believe it's important
for a woman to find her independence
in everything.
And it's for those kinds of women
that we made Sexify.
[audience cheers, applauds]
I don't know.
What don't you know?
Well I always find that chicks are
always talking about their independence,
but when push comes to shove,
they need a man to help 'em out. [laughs]
- [rim shot plays]
- [audience laughs]
And that's when Young Juvenile
walks into your life.
[crowd gasps]
Uh-huh.
Excuse me, who is this?
[all laugh]
Monika, I think maybe
you should get out of the office more.
Young Juvenile is the number one
hip-hop artist in Poland.
- [crowd cheers]
- [band reacts]
Please forgive me.
I wouldn't know
because we are only for adults.
[audience laughs]
This is adult exclusive too. [laughs]
Okay, listen girls,
if you would rather use a product
without having influence
from men like that,
then get ready for tomorrow
when we finally launch Sexify.
- [audience applauds, cheers]
- That's right.
Go home, check out Sexify,
and my latest single, "The Horse"!
[Young Juvenile hoots, hollers]
[exhales]
[gentle music plays]
[sighs]
CAUTION
AREA UNDER CONSTRUCTION
[Paulina] Hey.
Would you let me borrow an outfit?
For the launch, please?
- Sure thing.
- [door creaks]
Just pick something out.
[roommate 1] What's going on?
- [roommate 2] I'm sleeping.
- [roommate 3] I'm almost done.
[roommate 1] No, that's not...
Paula, you want a tat?
Uh, no, thank you.
What "plus one"?
They should feel grateful
they got invited.
Yo, Babes! What's going on?
- You know I'm older than you.
- Just chill.
I call everyone babe.
How can I help you?
I like you.
My honey.
Excellent. That solves all of my issues.
Wait, are you still angry about the show?
You know sometimes you gotta flex, right?
I don't understand a word you're saying.
Yeah, Babes,
that's why I think you're so great!
When honeys don't get it they're all like,
"Oh, Young Juvenile."
Just to get tagged in a post
and party with a rapper.
Oh, so you're looking for a honey to love?
No.
I'm looking for truth.
- I'd take care of you.
- [scoffs]
Have you been asleep for the past hour?
After we launch the app tomorrow,
I could take care of ten kids
just like you.
Private school, swimming lessons,
and a language tutor for all of you.
What I was trying to say
is I could take care of you now.
ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?
WITH SOMEONE
I'm fucking gorgeous. Whatcha gonna do?
You fucking are.
[doors slams]
[chuckles]
♪ Got crazy dudes all around me ♪
♪ Only A-class honeys surround me ♪
[electronic music plays]
♪ Listen up to a young stallion ♪
♪ Check out his tunes
Check out his moves ♪
♪ He's in your head... ♪
[both moaning]
You know,
I was thinking I should exercise more.
Maciek wants me
to go to practice with him,
so I'll come to your launch right after,
okay?
You know, that is if I survive.
Damn it...
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's just-
Just a few last-second touches
I've got to work on.
You think you should've hired someone
to help you?
No, I don't need help.
- Okay, I guess you're fine on your own.
- What?
[moans]
What?
You know I just meant that...
you're a genius. That's all.
Well, I'm late for the office.
You're coming to our launch, right?
[Adam] Hmm?
Uh... yeah. I am.
Super. Bye!
Bye.
[whistle blows]
How's it feel?
Fit all right?
I don't know. Does it look all right?
Yeah, you look great.
[roars]
[roars]
All right!
[Adam chuckles]
[buzzer sounds]
[players laughing]
Hey, guys. This is Adam. He's my buddy.
- Hiya.
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
- Adam, these are the guys.
S'up... fellas.
Why are you still wearing your helmet
in here, man?
What are you saying right now?
No. Have you heard of it?
Nah, I haven't heard of that, but...
Wait. Hold on, I'm going to check.
You know what,
check if it says anything about
- My beads fell off because of you.
- See?
Yes, Monika?
[Monika]
Paulina, I need you to pick up the cake.
Weren't you going to do that?
If I could do it,
I wouldn't need you to do it.
Really?
Paulina, please can you get the cake?
- Um... I...
- I can't make it right now.
And you're not too busy, are you?
All right.
- Thanks. Bye!
- [dial tone beeps]
[Young Juvenile chuckles]
- [player] Your first time, huh, Adam?
- [Adam] Yeah.
- Be careful or you'll injure yourself.
- Hey, Riczi, don't scare the guy.
Don't worry.
I'm just messing around. Relax.
All right. Men, let's kick their asses.
- Right on! Right, Adam?
- [Adam] Let's do it.
Right on!
[whistle blows]
[players shouting indistinctly]
[player 1] Go. Let's go.
[player 2] Fucking wreck them!
[coach] Come on!
[chanting]
[player 3] Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!
Fuck him up!
[coach] Put some fucking effort into it!
[buzzer sounds]
Okay, I understand, but the thing is
I've been waiting over half an hour
for my son's birthday cake.
[employee] It's my first day.
[customer] That's fine,
but I'm starting to get frustrated.
[Paulina] Oh, hey.
Mm. Hey.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [cutlery clinking]
Are those cream rolls?
Yeah, they are.
I envy you.
I think cream rolls are delicious.
We're in a pastry shop. You can get one.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Oh, right. Always something in the way
of your pleasure, right?
- Is this about...
- It's about nothing now.
Hmm.
I like coffee.
So if you want...
Well, I mean, if you like coffee too,
then we could...
- Would you like a coffee?
- [Paulina] What? No.
So, why did you say that?
- There you go.
- [Paulina] Thank you. Have a good day.
- Have a good day.
- See you later.
Unbelievable!
We're not granting accreditation.
Have a good day.
Hey, I rarely say this to bitches,
but you're dope.
- Tell me, how old are you again?
- Twenty.
And a half.
And a half? Hey!
Babes, come on!
I sense some good shit happening here.
- You really do have a way with words.
- Well, yeah. It's what I do. [sniffs]
You'll have a grand life with me like so.
I have a grand life on my already,
Young Lad.
It's Juvenile.
At this point,
there's no sense in remembering.
[upbeat music plays]
[car engine revving]
Hello, Ms.
- [female voice] Hey.
- [Paulina] Hi.
I've got plenty left to do. Make it quick.
[phone rings]
- [male voice] Hello, Ms. Monika.
- Good afternoon.
Wow. This or that?
- This one.
- Amazing.
Ms. Monika,
you had a call from the newspap...
No. No more guests. The lists are closed.
Is the surprise after the countdown
or before the cake?
- After the countdown.
- All right.
...we inhale... and the exhale...
[Monika] Hey!
I've just finished
the final round of testing.
Now we're finally ready for launch.
Great work. Have you slept?
- A little.
- I told you to hire an assistant.
There's no need for that.
I've got us all covered
on the technical front.
Super.
I took care of the media and guests.
I went and grabbed the cake.
Girls!
Today is the day.
Today the world
meets our child.
And then our child will teach it sex.
We might want to rework that metaphor.
[Paulina inhales, exhales]
[player 1] How much you want for it?
[player 2] Watch your back. Oh, hey!
[Riczi] Adam!
I had no idea you were such a berserker.
Where you been hiding all that?
Well, you know,
we gotta fight the fight, man.
[Riczi] Exactly.
You can't be scared of the game.
[chuckles]
Looks like I brought us a real fighter.
- [exhales]
- Sirens!
[blade whooshing]
[upbeat music plays]
[screams]
[Monika] Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
- Holy fuck!
- Riczi! You're gonna make it!
- Hold it!
- How will I play hockey?
- Are you fucking nuts?
- You'll make it again!
- Oh, shit. Turn there.
- Where? Here?
GROUNDBREAKING
INNOVATIVE APP
Hey.
Have you seen Adam?
I'm sure he'll be here soon.
- [Monika] Everything's set.
- [assistant] Yes.
First, the speech, then... What?
- And then you can sing if you want to.
- [chuckles]
Good one! No, but seriously,
first the speech, then the cake...
[assistant] You know everything.
It's all good.
All right. Sounds good.
Well, well...
Hey, darling.
I have to tell you.
All of this looks super-pro!
Thanks, Dad. This is only the beginning.
The last time I was this proud of you...
was...
[chuckles]
Excuse me. Thanks for coming.
I've gotta go launch my app.
- Well, okay. [chuckles]
- Girls!
Hello.
[Monika] Hello, guests.
We gladly welcome you all tonight
to the grand launch of Sexify.
In a moment, our app will be available
to all women living in Poland.
We believe that our product
will help lead our country
right out of the Dark Ages
and into the future.
And so, finally we, girls,
will be able to screw whoever
and do it the way we like.
[crowd cheers]
That's my daughter there.
Together with Natalia,
we are fully confident...
and Paulina is included as well,
that this app we have created
is going to bring
the Polish technology industry
to brand-new and exciting places.
[crowd cheers]
And to end things,
we'd like to offer our thanks.
We'd like to thank
absolutely no one.
[crowd laughs]
That's because with this app,
we did it alone.
In just ten seconds,
Sexify will be launching.
Ten... nine... eight...
seven... six...
[microphone feedback]
- [Paulina] But...
- [male voice] Four! Three...
[man clears throat]
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
[laughs nervously]
Just a moment, everyone.
Uh, change of plans here.
That's because we have cake for you.
[guest cheers]
That's right. Come on, bring out the cake.
[assistant] Excuse me.
Excuse us. Excuse us.
Careful.
What is that?
What is that?
Uh, it's a cake.
[power shutting down]
[camera shutter clicking]
Power.
It isn't mentioned enough
how if you want to make it
in the tech industry,
you have to pay the electricity.
But we did pay!
Up to a point.
We have 63 groszy in our account.
And unpaid bills for the past four months.
Not only electric.
How's that possible?
In other issues,
we're behind
on our employees' social security
and the down-payment for Paulina's school.
Okay.
Don't look at me like that.
I had you do one thing, bring the cake.
[Paulina] I don't think
that's our biggest problem now.
[Monika] It shows your attitude.
We've got around half a million in debt.
Roughly that.
Okay. Anything positive, Natalia?
Your hotel is paid
through the end of the year.
[Paulina] Oh, wonderful.
So we've got a hotel, a slide,
and Monika's car from Fast & Furious 13.
Don't have an app though.
[sighs] Just relax.
I'm sure there's other upsides here.
An upside is that a guy hasn't shown up
with a death certificate
because we should be planning
for a funeral right now after all this.
Sexify is officially dead.
Okay, then what should we do.
[Natalia and Paulina sigh]
I only see one solution.
And that is?
- We've gotta borrow money and fast.
- Half a million?
Roughly that.
From where?
I think it's clear. Ask your father.
- Are you fucking nuts?
- Me?
This is everything I have, got it?
I'm no one without this.
We've gotten too close now
to just let your pride get in the way.
- If we don't get money soon...
- A guy with a death certificate.
[Adam] Hey.
Is it already over?
[Natalia] You could say that.
Sorry,
but Maciek nearly cut off a guy's finger...
Cut off a finger?
Yeah, I went to practice,
like I told you. Remember?
Oh, that's right.
Never mind that.
How was the launch, genius.
There was no launch. Only a fail.
[Adam] Fail?
Total fail.
Don't worry. I'm sure
that you can save the app somehow, right?
Just like the finger.
What?
All I'm trying to say is that
things aren't always perfect
from the start, right?
It has to be for me.
Otherwise, why would I bother doing it?
Oh.
I understand.
[audience laughs]
But I've never relied on my father
to do this.
To clear things up,
my father has nothing to do
with my business.
I believe it's important for a woman
to find her independence.
[host] So, then "no role model"?
That's right.
Though if I had to name someone,
it would be Małgorzata Dębska.
She proved that women can call the shots
in technology in the Polish world.
[Young Juvenile]
I earned my first mil when I was 16.
I went to piss during biology,
checked my account, then...
[hisses] ...never came back.
[chuckles]
[screams]
[electronic music plays]
- Paulina!
- Paulina.
Here you go. This one's for you.
- Drink up!
- Drink to us!
[woman gasps]
I got you a drink. Let's do it. Cheers.
And here, this way. Come on.
You meet Marcel.
Oh. How's it going?
Nice to meet you.
So, uh, why the long face?
Trouble over at the company.
- Ah, fuck the company.
- I'd rather not, 'cause it's my company.
You hear that tune?
It's our favorite song.
The one that plays when we kiss.
[scoffs]
- I've never heard this one.
- Exactly.
Mm.
[all screaming]
- [man] We're temporarily closed!
- I want an autograph!
Please stand back! Stand back, everyone.
Excuse me, I have an appointment!
Just like everyone else here.
- [Young Juvenile] Babes!
- Hey!
- [laughs] Get over here!
- Yeah! You heard him. I'm Babes.
- [camera shutters clicking]
- [fans screaming]
- This way.
- This is Babes.
- Sure thing, I'm in.
- Seriously?
Yeah, you got it, Babes.
You fucking hottie.
- I didn't think you'd agree so quickly.
- That one.
- Good choice, Mr. Juvenile.
- The whole set.
Sexify will do you well.
- Honestly? I don't give a fuck.
- Excuse me?
I only do business with my posse.
I got a waterboarding track for my bud
because he wanted it.
Waterboarding is torture, isn't it?
See? I don't even know what I have there.
But I'm good to my peeps.
And you're my woman,
so you get whatever you want.
Wait, what?
100 SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS IN A YEAR
[Marcel grunts]
Oh God.
Morning already?
I passed out.
Wait, your company is Sexify?
It looks that way.
I saw your boss on that interview.
Partner, not boss.
Okay, that's cool.
She had a bossy vibe though.
Young Lad, I just want to make sure
that I'm clear here
regarding our business relations.
I want to offer you an investment
in our business.
But honey, just listen.
I've sown my oats. Enough fooling around.
What I need is a woman.
Not a cheap hoe.
I want someone like you, Babes.
- A wife.
- Oh.
Babes, think about it.
I just needed some money, not a husband.
You know what's
in the seventh circle of hell?
Men, money, and sex.
I'm officially done with my fuck career.
All men are fuckers!
[woman]
It's good to see some fire in you, girls.
Especially after that fiasco.
Mrs. Dębska.
If you say it was a fiasco.
I saw you on TV, Monika.
And you caught my eye.
And your product also caught my interest.
Our product.
Of course. Your product.
Your non-existent product.
Which worries you, me, and the bank.
Who will come any day now
to take what's left
of this once-promising project of yours.
However, I could...
let me be clear...
could help you.
As a minority investor.
It's good that nothing happened,
'cause if you teach people sex, then...
I'm not sure I'd measure up for you.
[Marcel chuckles]
Hey.
I didn't mean nothing by it.
It's good that you enjoy life.
Yeah, it's cool.
I just feel like...
I don't think it's a good fit, you know?
You and me?
Well,
all of you.
Maybe if you'd also make an app for men...
We're not looking for outside investors.
Thank you though.
I understand.
- What? She's a business angel.
- I don't believe in angels.
You wanna give up our child?
Have you even asked your father?
All right, listen. Before I leave,
I'll tell you what happens next.
As an experienced,
older colleague of yours.
You'll swallow your pride
and ask your father
for the money that you need.
Somehow,
you'll survive until the next crisis.
And when it comes,
a slew of other potential investors
will arrive.
Serious investors.
You will go to meet these men by tram,
and their private jets will fly them in.
They will have other men in tow with them.
Men who are experts
on cigars and football.
With every passing day,
you'll feel it slip away more and more
until... you're an intruder
in the company you made.
You've become someone to smile at,
to compliment,
or to have a quick office affair with.
But to have a serious discussion?
With a 20-year-old girl?
When men are 20 years old,
they're potential stars.
They're young wolves.
The heir to the throne.
But a 20-year-old woman?
She's a daughter or a lover.
Good enough to discuss the paint color
for the house in Marbella.
Because men,
as you've aptly put it, Monika, are...
[mouths] fucked up.
That won't happen to us.
How did you get here today?
- Why do you ask?
- How'd you get here?
- By tram.
- Okay, we're in.
Super.
Convince me.
But you were the one who just...
I convinced you to hear me out.
Now it's your turn to convince me.
Sexify is a revolutionary, visionary...
How many users do you project
to be using it by year's end?
- Half a million.
- Not enough.
You've got to have at least twice that.
You can't afford
to operate an app like this
with so few users.
- You didn't know that?
- Of course we knew about that.
So what's your idea then?
How do you plan to get a million users
the first year?
[Paulina] We'll make an app...
for men too.
That sounds like a lot of work for you.
No. We're already working on it.
- You're working on it.
- Yeah, Monika, we're working on it?
Yes. We were going to
announce it yesterday.
Um, a similar app for men, from Sexify.
Maxim.
[Paulina] Mm-hmm.
Maxim...
for...
for maximum pleasure.
Exactly.
It's a terrible idea.
That name.
But you've convinced me.
Show me in...
[Natalia] Four weeks.
We've got four weeks to create an app
like Sexify from scratch.
- No, it's different than Sexify.
- Yeah? Why?
Because men are extremely simple creatures
and it's for them.
Also, it's not about them.
It's the money for Sexify.
An app that facilitates the male orgasm?
Easy money.
No.
It's hard. It's not easy.
It's months of collecting
different kinds of data
and creating an algorithm.
We've got a fucking amazing product
in Sexify,
and you're going to ruin it all
with your lie.
Mm. Relax.
Monika is the queen
of field-testing live organisms.
No, actually. Not anymore.
I'm focusing on work.
So... On your mark, Tinder girl.
I don't have Tinder.
Wait. How long have you been single?
And you don't have Tinder?
I don't like all those apps.
Oh.
Fuck it. We've got Adam.
[tense music plays]
[upbeat music plays]
[crowd screaming]
[man] Hey, kids!
Cake! Come on in!
All righty, cake. Here we go.
Okay. Max...
[all] Three! Two! And one!
[all cheer]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music ends]
[electronic music plays]
[electronic music ends]
[electronic music plays]
[electronic music ends]