Sex and the City (1998–2004): Season 6, Episode 16 - Out of the Frying Pan - full transcript

After restaurants of various exotic nationalities, her Russian decides to cook in Carries apartment- where he sees and kills a mouse; what she really cannot handle is his insistence to be open about death, even by breast cancer while she insists on avoiding the subject. The girls try to make visit time in Samanthas hospital room resemble cocktail hour. Ever competitive Charlotte learns none of her eggs is good, again, but meets king Charles show dog Dandyridge who fails because of a shorter leg and decides imperfection is no reason to give up on someone. Now Brady has taken over their bedroom, Steve insists Miranda and he consider moving to a larger home- in Brooklyn! When Samantha loses some hair while hooking up with Smith, they both freak a little; unable to find a satisfactory wig, she decides to shave her head- Smith does the same.

Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

When you're dating someone new,
everything can seem foreign...

especially when you're
dating someone foreign.

My Russian had been taking me
around the world.

Greece in Astoria, Italy in the Bronx.

Tonight it was Korea, on West 32nd Street.

- Wow. You look...
- Why, thank you.

So where to tonight?

Very, very exotic place.


Well, just so you know, I'm fully vaccinated.

- Good.
- So should we get a cab?

I have not been to
this mysterious place before...

but I believe we can walk.

I'm intrigued. Continue.

Turn around, we are going to your place.

Art, shmart. The man can cook.

I have never made a risotto
in a frying pan before.

I'm sorry. I don't use my kitchen.

And I don't usually make my guests
sit on the floor...

next to my stack of Vogues,
which I ordinarily hide...

in the tub, for company.

And the walls are...

I love your house. It's so you.

- Small and artless?
- No, warm and lovely.

- Are you okay?
- My foot sleeps.

- Well, now we'll have espresso.
- Great, where?

I don't have an espresso machine.

And you call yourself a writer, yeah?

I may have an old Mr. Coffee one-cup...

but don't hold your breath.

Oh, my God!

Okay, we go out.


That mouse is dead. Wow.

It was a rodent.
You don't want this in your house.

Maybe he was just crossing through...

to get to the much nicer apartment
next door.

They call this denial.

Where there is one, there will be more.

Yeah, we're going out.

At least it didn't happen in a room
I actually use, like my closet.

Good Humor me.

The next morning, we were determined
to use our good humors...

to make Samantha's chemo lounge
as close as possible to a cocktail lounge.

Look at Miranda working Mr. Grape there.

Steve is one lucky guy.

Well, you guys are having a good time.

You bet, cancer is hilarious.

- Are all of you as fun as Samantha?
- We try.

I'm her favorite patient.

- Any mouth sores, sweetie?
- No.

Great, just keep up the Popsicles.

- Samantha, I have to say, you are amazing.
- I am.

And if you love me in chemo, wait till you
see me at Smith's movie premiere.

I'm getting a hot dress, fantastic shoes...

I'm going to kick cancer,
and that red carpet's ass.

Hear, hear.

It's not at all what I expected.

They have these Barcaloungers
and videos and Popsicles.

You throw in shuffleboard,
it would be a vacation in Miami.

Here they are.

Later, the Russian took me somewhere else
I'd never been before...

the kitchen supplies department.

- She doesn't even look sick.
- But she is sick, yes?

Well, she was, but she's gonna be fine.

I had a friend who had breast cancer.

She died.

I think this one is you.

From kitchen supplies to a kitchen surprise.

Hi, Dr. Steiner.

None of them?

Sure, I understand.

Thanks for calling on a Saturday. Bye.

- None of my eggs were viable.
- Oh, baby.


What do you want to do?

- Try IVF again.
- You sure?

- We've already tried it twice.
- Yeah, I'm sure.

It'll work. I mean, it has to.

- You okay?
- Yeah. I'm gonna go for a run.

In high school,
Charlotte was voted most popular...

head of the track team, and class president.

She had won everything...

except the baby race.

Meanwhile, across town,
a couple who had won the baby race...

had lost their bedroom to their baby.

Wait, we saw this one.

"Charming midtown two-bedroom."

Why don't they say what it really is?
Crack house on an air shaft.

Scout, off!

Listen to this one,
in our price range, "Three-bedroom."

- I'm putting my shoes on.
- "Outdoor space."

- I'm getting my bag.
- "Finished basement."

- It's a house?
- In Brooklyn.

Okay, shoes are off.

What did I tell you
about that side of the paper?

What? It's a good place.

Steve, we're not moving to Brooklyn.

I'm a Manhattan girl.
I don't like anything not Manhattan.

I'm Queens, and I'm pretty cute.
Let's just look at it.

Sleeping in the dining room isn't so bad.
We're near the kitchen.

Did you let Fatty out of the laundry room?

We don't even need this,
we can hear Brady through the wall!

Miranda, we can't keep living like this.

Scout, down!

Fine. I'll look at it.


- What?
- That is some strong coffee.

- No wonder you work all night.
- That's the way I like it.

- I'm gonna need a little milk in this.
- Then it's not espresso.

Milk will ruin it. Keep sipping it. You'll see.

- I need to talk to you about something.
- Yes?

You know, the other day,
when I was talking about my friend?

- The one with cancer.
- Her name is Samantha.

I just felt like...

you weren't being very sensitive
about my feelings.

I mentioned her, and your first response...

- was to tell me about your friend.
- Who died, yeah.

Yes, see? Exactly.

I'm sorry about your friend,
but my friend is going to be fine.

And my friend died.

See? You're doing it again.

- Not everyone dies.
- Then they are lucky.


Maybe I'm not being very clear.

No, you're being clear.
You don't want your friend to die.

Please stop saying "die."

But to be realistic,
you must acknowledge this possibility, yes?


They caught it early, it's Stage One.
She's having the Cadillac of chemo.

No, she is going to be fine.

- And your scaring me isn't helping.
- All I am saying, when my friend died...

I don't know why,
but you are not listening to me.

You are not listening to me.

Are you kidding? All I've said is, "Please,
don't talk about your friend who died."

Her name was Sophie.

I'm leaving.

What are you talking about?
We're having espresso.

No, we're not having espresso.
We are not listening.

Sit down, finish your coffee. It's hot.

I'm leaving.

Excuse me.

You know, I asked you
not to mention your friend...

and now all I can think about is your friend.

And my friend
has nothing to do with your friend.

- I think you are acting like a child.
- And I think you're acting like an asshole.

- Maybe you should go for now.
- I'm already going!

It was my first fight with the Russian.

And I didn't know if it was
the strong espresso or the strong words...

but either way,
not even my feet slept that night.

My goodness,
look at you and your little coat.

- Did you go shopping?
- Princess Dandyridge Brandywine, come!

I got her.

My goodness, so cute.

Thank you.

That's a mighty big name
for such a little dog.

- It's her show name.
- My gosh, I love dog shows.

- Has she ever won?
- This one? Two-time loser.

She doesn't show anymore.

She was bred from two champion
Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.

But when I tried to show her,
it turns out she has a defect.

- No.
- Yeah, one of her hind legs is too short.

Such a shame, she had so much promise.

She just isn't a winner.

Well, she's awfully cute anyway.

- I'm Charlotte York Goldenblatt.
- Trudy Stork.

All right, Princess, come on, that's enough.

That's enough, come on. There.

- Well, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Bye-bye.

That was the day a King Charles
met an Upper East Side princess.


And an Upper West Sider
went to see a house in Brooklyn.

- Where to?
- Brooklyn, please.

I don't go to Brooklyn.

Yeah, neither do I.

Miranda tried to see her future in Brooklyn,
but she just couldn't get there.

Shit, yeah.

God, you're good.


What? Jesus!

- What do I...
- Just give it to me.

- Man, that's a lot of hair. Did that hurt?
- No, I'm fine, really.

So where were we?

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna take a bath.

Apparently, Samantha wasn't the only one
losing something that night.

- Samantha's not gonna die, right?
- Of course not, she'll be fine.

Her hair started falling out
at a really bad time.

God, was she at work?

No, but she was definitely doing a job.

- No.
- Yes, ma'am.

- She's a trouper, she'll be fine.
- Yeah, I know.

But according to my Russian friend,
we are all in denial.

- Why, what does he say?
- It went like this:

Him: "Your friend might die, yes?"

Me: "No, you're an asshole."

- We had our first fight.
- Yeah, I picked up on that.

I mean, this is a man who is so sensitive
about so much.

But then this: "Death, deal with it."

I know he's Russian, but Jesus, come on.

- Maybe it's the language barrier.
- Well, it's definitely a barrier for me.

Is this who I'm seeing,
a man who kills mice and optimism?

It's not denial.
They got it early, she's gonna be fine.

You are aware that you've said
she'll be fine three times in half a block?

Yeah, I just picked up on that, too.

Anyway, how's it helping her,
if we freak out about it?

- It is our job to think positive.
- Exactly.

Can you believe we're actually
having this conversation?

No, and here's another thing
I never thought I'd be saying:

Steve wants us to move to Brooklyn.

Okay, stop!

- Now that is information I can't handle.
- I know.

I can't move to Brooklyn.
Even cabs won't go there.

My conversation with Miranda
brought me back to reality.

Or, more specifically,
the people who want us to live in it.

The world tells us to get real.

But what happens when living in reality
means living in pain, fear...

or Brooklyn?

If a defense mechanism can get us through
the difficult times, how bad can it be?

Maybe the reality is, we need denial.

Denial had become Charlotte's best friend,
next to Harry.

Going for a run?

- What are you looking at?
- Just doing some research.

- On what?
- Adoption.

It could be just a backup, you know.
If we put ourselves on some lists...

by the time we know what's what,
we'll have some choices.

What do you think?

That seems like the right thing to do.

- Hi, Trudy.
- Hi.

Hi, Dandyridge.

I brought you a present.

- It's turkey bacon. Is that all right?
- Sure, she's not a show dog.

Do you like that?

Well, she really loves you.

Who wouldn't love her? Look at that face.

You know...

just because somebody doesn't perform
the way that you want them to...

doesn't mean that you
should just give up on them.

I'm sorry.

I swore I wouldn't cry.

It's just that I'm trying to have a baby,
and it's just not going very well.

That day, thanks to a dog
with one short leg...

Charlotte stopped denying
her shortcomings.

I don't care for babies...

or Labs.

- Thanks for coming.
- Are you kidding me? This is gonna be fun.

I used to do this when I was 16, at the mall.
Without the cancer part.

I have a movie premiere, and I need
to look like myself at my most fabulous.

Would you like natural hair or acrylic?

Sweetheart, does it look like I do acrylic?

These are our best natural hair:
Sassy and Pretty Me.

- No, and no.
- Fine.

Let's try this.

It's from the Rene of Paris line.

This looks like you.

Carrie, how do I look?

You look like Florence Henderson.

Florence Henderson in a bad wig.

Listen, I can't be on the red carpet
in a bad rug, do you understand?

I know.

This is Candy.

She's very popular.

I don't think you're listening.

I don't want to look like Candy.
I just want to look like myself.

Ma'am, these are wigs.

They're not ever gonna look
exactly like you.

That is not acceptable.

- We could style the bangs...
- Don't touch my head.

I've worked with many women with cancer.

I don't have cancer, I have a premiere.

And I don't want some second-rate wig
named after a hooker.

My hair is my thing.

This is bullshit.

Carrie, we're going.

I'm just so angry.

The chemo I can handle,
but this hair thing, it's too much.

- We'll find you a better wig.
- I have left hair all over Manhattan.

Every time the wind blows,
I have to check to make sure I'm not bald.

It's only temporary, it'll grow back.

And until then, I have to look like
a sick person, and I don't do sick person.

Because you're not. You're someone
who had a little blip of bad luck...

- and now it's over.
- What if it's not over?

- It's over, so over.
- What if it comes back?

I could die, Carrie, with really bad hair.

You are not going anywhere.

Carrie, please...

let me talk about what I'm afraid of, please.

The denial part of me wanted to say,
"You'll be fine."

Instead I said.'

Okay, I'm here.

Maybe I should just shave it all off.

Yeah, you could be one of those fantastic
bald women, who's all about earrings.

I better not look like fucking Kojak.

Yeah, cancer.

Turns out, not so hilarious.

After Samantha lost control, she did
the only thing she knew to get it back.


What are you doing here?

I got your message. What do you mean,
you're not coming to my premiere?

I'm very busy.

I'm shaving my head, all right?

It's scary and awful, and you can't handle it.

- Who says I can't handle it?
- You freaked out after just a few little hairs.

- You freaked out, too.
- You lost your hard-on.

Shit happens.

Let me be here for you.

Listen, this is very intense,
and you're being very sweet...

but there is no way that you can relate to
what I'm going though.

What are you doing?

No, you can't, your hair's your thing!

Chill out, I'm busy.

And when I'm done cue-balling here,
I'm moving right over to you.

That night, Smith gave Samantha
the very best head of her life.

The next day, Miranda endured
her first out-of-borough experience.



You mean Brooklyn.

Here, let me show you what we could do.

We tear out these closets,
we make this the dining room...

which we wouldn't have to sleep in.

Open up this fireplace.
Imagine all of our friends over here...

the fire's going, having some beers...

None of our friends are coming to Brooklyn,
but continue.

This isn't just about you anymore.

Brady is only gonna get bigger, God willing.

And look at all this space.

You owe it to all of us,
you, me, Brady, Scout, Fatty...

to really look at this place.

We're a family.

Oh, my God.

I'm married.

And that was the reality.

I'm gonna take Brady and the dog outside.

You let me know what you think.

Come on, let's go out back. Yeah!

Let's chase the dog around.

You wanna go get him?

That day, Miranda couldn't deny
what was best for her family.

So what do you think?

We're very interested,
but I'll want to bring in an engineer.

I'd require a long escrow, and if the furnace
isn't up to code, I'll need it replaced.

And so, she negotiated her way
into her future.

And Samantha realized
she couldn't deny cancer.

She would never be exactly
who she was again...

so for that night, she decided to be Lil' Kim.

It was a very special delivery
from Miss Stork.

Oh, my goodness, thank you!

It was a girl, eight pounds, two ounces.

My goodness!
Hello, are you hungry, precious?

- Who is that?
- She's a present, can we keep her?

Anything that makes you smile like that,
we'd be crazy not to.

- What's her name?
- Princess Dandyridge Brandywine.

That's impossible, you got to change it.

What should we name you, pretty girl?

Who's the prettiest girl in the world?

Elizabeth Taylor.

Elizabeth Taylor Goldenblatt.

That was the day Elizabeth Taylor
moved in with Harry and Charlotte.

And something far less glamorous
moved in with me.

Oh, my God!

He will stay at the fancy neighbors' now.


I didn't think I would hear from you.

I was upset.

I need you to not talk, so that...

I can say this without you confusing me.

Samantha is my friend.

She's my family...

my insides.

She will be fine, because she has to be fine.

That's how important she is to me.

So for you to say that she may not be...

it feels very hurtful...

and really unnecessary.

Let me explain.

- My friend, who died...
- Oh, my God!


When she died...

I was surprised.

The amount of pain...

I didn't want you to be surprised, like I was.

- You could have just said that.
- We are different.

Yes, we are.

I need my relationship
with a little bit of milk.

It is clear who is the writer here.

Your friend will be fine.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry about Sophie.

Thank you.

That night, for the first time,
we spoke the same language.

So while Samantha's life and
my life with the Russian would continue...

it was clear that Miranda's life,
as we knew it, was over.


I can't even say it, let alone live in it.
You'll all come visit, right?

Talk about denial.

Stop. We'll all come, won't we?

Well, I won't, I have cancer.

How long are you gonna
play that cancer card?

As long as it takes for you to move back.

But it's just a subway ride away.

A subway that goes under water.
That's not normal.

Another Manhattan?

Please, for all of us.

That night, Miranda was determined
to drink in as much Manhattan as she could.

Do you remember that awful apartment
that I had on 17th Street?

The one with the water bugs?

What about your horrifying studio sublet
on Riverside Drive?

I blocked it.

Man, I have had some
really shitty apartments here.

Why do I think living in Manhattan
is so fantastic?

Because it is.

Here we go.

It would be childish of us to deny
that our lives weren't changing...

but for this night,
none of us were going anywhere.

That's the thing about really good friends,
and a really great Manhattan.

Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew