Sex and the City (1998–2004): Season 4, Episode 17 - A 'Vogue' Idea - full transcript

There is a time of year in New York when,

even before the first leaf falls,

you feel the seasons click.

The air is crisp, the summer is gone.

For the first night in a long time,

you need a blanket on your bed.

It brings up other needs as well.

- What are you doing?
- Is this who I think it is?

- Who do you think it is?
- Princess Grace of Monaco.

She's dead.

So you understand my surprise.



What's shaking, kid?

- It's fall.
- I thought it was lndian summer.

Then I guess I should take off
my moccasins.

Are you still smoking?

Yes and no. I'm bad.

- Are you alone?
- Yes, ma'am.

I can't sleep.
I'm feeling a little lonely.

- Do you ever feel lonely?
- No.

Can I come over?

Sure.

To be clear, it's just
to keep each other company.

I always enjoy company.

- Get it while it's hot!
- I thought it was a company visit.

- All your furniture is gone.
- See?



This is why I'm leaving New York.
The crime.

- Leaving New York?
- I'm moving.

- You are not moving.
- Tell that to my realtor in Napa.

Napa as...

...as in California?

I bought a vineyard.
Half a vineyard.

Technically, it's three-quarters,
but there's a dispute over a hillside.

Take this pizza
and put it someplace.

- Moving when?
- Monday at 5:00.

If I hadn't happened to call tonight,

you were going to go away
without telling me?

I'm not big on goodbyes.
I would have called you.

From where?
A wine vat somewhere?

You can't leave New York.
You're the Chrysler building.

It would be all wrong in a vineyard.

Arrivederci, baby.

- But...why?
- I'm tired of old New York.

If you're tired, you take a "napa",
you don't move to Napa.

I need a cocktail.

And downtown, another woman
was feeling deserted.

- Hey, gorgeous!
- Don't gorgeous me.

I've eaten half a box of chocolates.
When I get cellulite, it will be your fault.

- I got held up.
- The telephone. Have you two met?

I was busy.

What's up? Besides me.

I don't like being kept waiting,
especially when I have a gift for you.

Is this an actual gift
or are we talking sex?

- What's the occasion?
- National "Richard's a prick" day.

I saw it and I thought of you.
Do you like it?

Very much.

It was the closest Samantha had come
to giving her heart to a man

in a long, long time.

It would be perfect right there.

You kept nothing to sit on,
but you have your records?

I know what's important.

Blood, Sweat & Tears?

- Shouldn't this be in a museum?
- Be nice.

Henry Mancini!

Exactly how old are you?

It was my parents'.
Don't knock it till you've heard it.

- Easy, Pops!
- Just give me the record.

I've been thinking.
You can't slink out of town this way.

We have to do it up right.
A proper goodbye.

You and me and New York.
You owe it to us.

By "us"
I mean New York and myself.

How's that wine?

- It's from my vineyard.
- In that case, I hate it.

- You can't be serious!
- Wait, wait.

So corny.

It's classic. Listen.

This was my parents' favourite song.

They used to put it on
before they went out on the town.

Listen. Did you hear that?

When I was little I thought it was
"two twisters". You know, the twist?

It was the 60s
and my parents had the moves!

See? I got you.

Thank you for the company.

That's it?

- You can stay.
- No, I'll see you Sunday night.

Don't disappoint us.
And by "us" I mean you and me.

That pizza will be fantastic
for breakfast.

Next morning, I broke the news.

Going, going, gone.
It's the end of an era.

Where do people go
when they leave New York?

The real world?

A homeless man showed
me his dick. That's real.

- Big wasn't going to tell you?
- No, but he said he'd call.

Like guys you have a second date with
and never see again.

- I pretend they died.
- Now the tough question.

Should you sleep with him
one last time?

Going-out-of-business sex.
What do we think?

- OK, Quick Draw, give it a second.
- No.

We like each other, we respect
each other. It could be nice.

Romantic.

You had sex with Steve.

Sex with an ex can be depressing.

If it's good, you no longer have it.
If it's bad,

- you just had sex with an ex.
- It wouldn't be bad.

I'm just saying.

Aren't you afraid you'll be pulled back
into all that Big stuff again?

- No. He's not Niagara Falls.
- lsn't he?

You're not giving me any credit.

This is not two years ago.
Things have changed.

Big and I are different.
I feel safe around him.

He's like...

...this great man in my life
and he's leaving.

Use a condom,
that's all I'm saying.

I don't know how you survived it.
This love stuff is a motherfucker.

- Did you say "love"?
- What the hell.

My name is Samantha
and I am a love-aholic.

It's infuriating.

Where can this go? No one makes
relationship things work, do they?

They're the same people
that leave New York.

I'm surprised Big is moving.
I always thought... Never mind.

You always thought what?

I always thought you two
would end up together.

- How?
- They made mistakes, but...

If she was going to wind up with anybody,
it was Aidan.

This is very informative.

You don't have enough distance
to have sex with your ex.

Thanks for the sound advice.

- I haven't had sex since my ex.
- It's the only way to move on.

Use a condom.

Later that night,
I got to thinking about fate,

the concept that we're not responsible
for the course of our lives,

that it's all predestined,
written in the stars.

Maybe that explains why,

if you live in a city
where you can't see the stars,

your love life tends to feel
more random.

Even if every kiss, every heartache,

is pre-ordered
from some cosmic catalogue,

can we still take a wrong step
and wander off our personal Milky Way?

I couldn't help but wonder: can you
make a mistake and miss your fate?

If you look at how brilliantly
Monet suggested glimpses of sky

and the luscious, tactile quality
of the canvas,

you can see how he established his fate
as one of the true poets of nature.

Charlotte's fate led her
to the Museum of Modern Art.

We'll move on to the Pollock.

- Weren't you here last Sunday?
- I love the lmpressionists.

And I'm trying to get up the courage
to invite you to dinner.

- That's very sweet, but...
- But you have a boyfriend?

Actually, no. No boyfriend,

I was just separated
and I'm not really ready to date yet.

I understand. I went through
a divorce last year. I'm Eric.

Viewing Jackson Pollock's "One"
is an almost overwhelming ex...

And, speaking of overwhelming exes,
there was Charlotte's, with his mother.

I detest Monet. Such a sap.

Mother, you have got to learn
how to form an opinion.

OK, enough Pollock.

Follow me as we move on
to Paul Gauguin. Now!

Come on!

I changed my mind.
I'll have dinner with you.

To avoid her ex, Charlotte ran all
the way into the Expressionist era.

On the Upper West Side,

two other exes were dealing
with A, B and Cs.

"Connect part C
with bracket B and bolt three."

Now you're not even making sense.
That can't be right.

"Connect part C to bracket B,
using bolt three."

Hand me bolt three.

Aren't you going to point out
you were right?

You have 40 pounds on me.

- I was thinking of Danny.
- Danny who?

For the baby. Danny Hobbes.

- I like that.
- Did you have any ideas?

Paul.

Paul's a big name in the Brady family.
My dad and my grandad.

Well... Paul.

But they're dead.
You didn't even know them.

Danny's better.

"Danny, you want to go
shoot some hoops?"

It sounds right.

Good.

We're making something
for little Danny.

- Don't cry, Steve.
- Sorry.

I've got work to do here.

If you want out of this, say it.

- I don't want sex and I want out?
- What about yesterday?

- We were at the opera.
- I was bored.

I fucked you for three hours
when we came home.

Why haven't you hung the hearts?
It's been laying there for days.

- I'm not sure it belongs here.
- Or I don't?

Samantha, a stranger to love,
didn't do it very well.

The weather this morning didn't
say anything about a shit storm.

Where were you at lunch?
I stopped by and you weren't there.

- I was eating.
- Eating who?

I saw you get into a cab
with a woman in "fuck me" heels!

Listen, Richard, tell me you're sleeping
with someone else

and we'll call it a day.

The hearts would be better in the den.

I had a salad and salmon.
The woman is a business associate.

I do not want out of this, but if you do,
this is a good way to go.

I'm sorry.

She was an interior designer.
You believe me, right?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

He's ploughing someone else.
How could he not be?

You're not cheating on him.
Miracles happen.

I'm going to follow him.

He won't know it's me. I got a wig
from the Raquel Welch wig line.

The Raquel Welch wig line?

Sassy shag, chestnut brown.
Very realistic for synthetic hair.

Why are you doing this?

I can't carry on
and have my heart broken.

If he's cheating on me,
I have to know.

If you love him, don't you think
there's a chance

that he might love you too?

I stole his key. I'm going to check
his answering machine.

I do not have bail money.

Hello, lover!

I am needing those for my last
Big night on the town.

- What are you doing?
- Drinks, dinner, dancing.

- Very old New York.
- I meant sex or no sex.

I'm just getting around
to picking the shoes.

We never really agreed on what
we wanted out of the marriage.

My wife and l,
different backgrounds.

You'd think we'd see
that was going to be the problem.

But no.

- We were in love.
- Love, right?

Love is tricky.

It's so hard to see
clearly through it.

Exactly.
It's like a fog or something.

You're very sweet, Eric.

After dinner, Charlotte invited Eric
home for coffee and...

The "and" being "I'm determined
to move on from my ex" sex.

This place is huge.
You live here alone?

It's not that big.

Not that big? Was your ex
a king or something?

- He's a doctor.
- Look at the size of this place.

I live in a studio.
You're rich.

My ex-wife was an Orthodox Jew,
you're a rich girl.

Why can't I find a woman
who's compatible with me?

I'm not really feeling that well.
Maybe you should go.

Christ, it's huge!
It goes all the way back there.

- Follow me.
- Good idea.

Charlotte realised she may be ready
to deal with her marriage past,

but not her dating future.

I had a lovely dinner. Bye!

Contrary to popular opinion,

I have given myself permission
to sleep with Big, if it feels right.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

- You're a big girl.
- Can I get that in writing?

It'd better stop raining before tonight.
I have these amazing shoes.

- Are you having a baby?
- Damn! And that was just a kick.

Wait till the labour starts.
I'm getting a little freaked.

Will you be in the room with me?

Steve's good, but he's emotional.
I need something normal to look at.

I'm there purely for decoration.
I'm not cutting any umbilical anything.

That night, after the rain,
after the dinner, after the dancing,

I took Big for a ride.

I can't believe
you actually talked me into this.

A buggy ride in Central Park.

- Very corny.
- Nope, classic.

What are you going to do out in Napa,
besides watch grapes shrivel?

Work, smoke cigars,

- look at the stars.
- I give it a week.

New York.

New York!

Aren't you going to miss it?

But I will miss you, kid.

Very much.

Your cell phone's ringing.

I don't have a cell phone.

Jesus! That is me!

Miranda gave me one because,
you know...

How the hell does this thing...?

Thank you.

I'm in labour. Meet me
at Mount Sinai at 99th and 5th.

- Is Steve with you?
- He's on his way from the bar.

- Are you OK?
- So far.

I've got a cab.
I've got to go.

Miranda's in labour.
I have to get to Mount Sinai.

Excuse me?

We need to get to 99th Street
and 5th Avenue in a hurry.

I can't leave the park.
I'll get a fine.

- What's your name?
- Bobbo.

Here is 400 bucks.

See what you can do.
Bobbo?

One short carriage ride later...

You leave tomorrow at five?
How about lunch around two?

You're leaving me alone
with a horse and buggy?

- Thanks for the ride, Prince Charming.
- Any time.

81st and Park, Bobbo.

You will do anything
to stop me from having sex with Big.

- You look pretty.
- So do you.

Shouldn't you be lying down
or biting on a leather strap?

I'm trying to get my water to break.

It's better than having them
break it for you.

What can I do?

When this gets going, don't let
anyone get all cheerleadery on me.

I don't want any
"You can do it, push, push" shit.

Thus, with a destroyed pair
of Christian Louboutin's,

began Miranda's delivery.

It would continue
into lunch hour the next day.

There she was.
Miss Sassy in her shag,

trying to catch Richard
with his lunch time shag.

- Follow that car!
- Are you kidding me?

Just go.

One cab ride
and a breaking-and-entering later,

Samantha found herself
at Richard Wright's bedroom door.

You bastard!

Who the hell are you?

It's just sex. I love you.

She was right about Wright,
but now she wished she was wrong.

Now your heart's broken too!

Who was that?

The baby was almost as stubborn
as Miranda.

- You're doing good there.
- That's right.

You're almost there.
Now push, push!

- Push, push, push!
- Nurse?

Don't say that.

OK, Miranda.
One more deep breath, and go.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, there he is!

And he's perfect.

Yes, he's perfect!
He's perfect!

Nurse?

He's got ten toes, ten fingers.

Two balls.

- That feels good.
- You did so good.

And just like that, life comes in
and things begin to change.

It's weird.

It's like suddenly
there's a giraffe in the room.

I was thinking Brady.

Brady Hobbes.

That's a fabulous hat.

He's really teeny
and he has red hair!

Really? That is so cute!

I have to go.
I still have a chance to catch Big.

Here comes Raquel Welch.
She'll tell you. I'm late.

- Why are you wearing that wig?
- My hair looks like shit.

Miranda has a son.

Just what the world needs.
Another man.

Let's go see the baby!

Not so fast.

It's not even five.

What is this?

It was official:
a new season had begun.

Maybe our mistakes
are what make our fate.

Without them,
what would shape our lives?

Perhaps if we never veered off course,
we wouldn't fall in love

or have babies or be who we are.

After all, seasons change.
So do cities.

People come into your life
and people go.

But it's comforting to know the ones
you love are always in your heart.

And, if you are very lucky,

a plane ride away.