Sex and the City (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 6 - The Cheating Curve - full transcript

While Charlotte has a great sell in the gallery, especially to 'power lesbians', Samantha spots her hunky gym instructor Thor, and soon has him showering with her and enjoys his creative ...

They say that New Yorkers
will attend the opening of an envelope... long as the champagne
doesn't run dry.

But tonight's opening at
Charlotte's gallery for Yael...

...a lesbian painter from Brooklyn Heights...

...actually transcended the bad wine,
stale cheese routine.

It was lesbian chic meets art-world cool.

A surprisingly fabulous combustion
that no one saw coming.

Charlotte was there
with her latest fling, Gareth Davis.

A toxic bachelor and the owner of Thorn,
a downtown restaurant...

...frequented by second-tier models
and the men who buy them salad.

Miranda brought Ethan Watson...

...a documentary filmmaker
she had met the week before... a sparsely attended
Harvard Alumni mixer.

And my date for the evening
was Samantha.

Not entirely inappropriate
given the circumstances.


Nobody told me it was B.Y.O. Man.

What did you expect?
It's a Iesbian art show.

But don't straight guys follow them
around to see what they're going to do?

Wait a second. You see that guy?

-I know him.

-Who is he?
-He's a trainer at my gym.

And you should see his squat thrusts.
I'm just gonna say hello.

You know what, honey?
I think I'm gonna go home.

-Relax, I'II be right back.
-I don't feel very well.

-What's wrong?
-I have a headache. It just hit me.

-You want a Percodan?
-I'm fine. I just need some sleep.

Go on, make new friends.

-I'II call you.

With Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte
all suitably occupied...

...I figured there was no better time
to make my escape.

The truth was, I had another engagement.

But I didn't dare tell any of my friends
where I was going...

...or who I was planning to meet.

-You Iook sensational.
-You don't Iook so bad yourself.

This old thing? I've had it for years.

I knew it was wrong.

Seeing an emotionally unavailable man
I had sworn off months earlier.

But the guilt worked like an aphrodisiac.

I had never felt sexier or more alive
in my entire life.

By midnight, Charlotte discovered
Manhattan 's latest group... flaunt their disposable income:

The power lesbian.

They seem to have everything.

Great shoes, killer eyewear
and the secrets to invisible makeup.

-I want that one. I'm gonna take it.
-Didn't I say I was buying it?

-I thought you were taking the Iarge one.
-I want both.

For God's sakes.

Charlotte had never sold out
a show before in her life.

She was pleasantly surprised.

Unfortunately, there was
a not so pleasant surprise in store for her.

We're out of champagne.

I'm sure I have an extra case or two
in the back storeroom.

Excuse me.

Relax, we're just kissing.

I'II see you in there.

I can't believe he had the nerve to kiss her
and still pretend he wasn't cheating.

Maybe he doesn't consider
kissing cheating.

Come on. It was only your second date.

So? Doesn't that guarantee me fidelity
until the end of the evening?

Remember Ron,
the married guy with kids on Park Avenue?

He didn't consider fucking
below 23rd Street cheating.

That's insane.

Men cheat for the same reason
that dogs Iick their balls:

Because they can.
It's part of their biology.

Instead of wasting all this energy
condemning it...

...maybe it's time we all got in Iine
with the reality of the situation.

That sounds very empowering,
but you're forgetting one detail.

I hope so.

-Women cheat.
-But it's different.


We don't go around randomly attacking
any man we're attracted to.

-Speak for yourself.
-We're not driven by testosterone.

Then what does drive us according to you?

-You mean hormones.

No. I mean that Iittle voice inside of me
that says, "Mate for Iife."

You can't Iisten to every fucking Iittle voice
that runs through your head.

It'II drive you nuts.

The problem is that you two have very
different definitions of cheating.

I don't tolerate it.

And I'm more forgiving
and realistic about human nature.

That's because you cheat.

I just don't think that you can define
cheating in absolute terms.

You think it's okay to cheat?

I think maybe there's a cheating curve.

Someone's definition
of what constitutes cheating... in direct proportion to how much
they themselves want to cheat.

That's moral relativism.

I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.

The fact is, the act of cheating
is defined by the act of getting caught.

One doesn't exist without the other.

I wondered, was Samantha right?

Is cheating like the proverbial tree
in the forest?

That it doesn't exist
if there's no one around to catch you?

In a gravity-free world of anything goes,
what constitutes cheating?

Everybody cheats.

That's the great thing
about having a trainer.

Seven, keep your neck back.


Pisses me off seeing people
train improperly.

I guess I better behave then.

I'm all about form and discipline.

Do it right or don't bother doing it at all.


Samantha realized that
while purity of form exacted a price... also had its own rewards.

So how do you feel?

You got me all wet. I mean sweaty.

Same time on Wednesday?

It's a date.

Later that day, Charlotte realized
she was tired of listening... another man 's weak justifications.

You don 't understand.
She's a friend of my sister's from college.

She just moved to the city
and her uncle died Iast month.

I was just trying to be supportive.

Besides...'re the one I want to sleep with.

When she felt her life
take a fortuitous turn.

Gareth, I've got to go.

Wait. What--

Hi! Nice to see you.

I just came in to pay for my painting.

It's her painting for six months
and then she's selling it back to me.

Excuse me.

I'm the one with the big Ioft
and all the empty white walls.

Look at it. I am so excited.

Excuse me.
By the way, I Iove the Prada Ioafers.


Power lesbians and their shoes are like
Wall Street brokers and their cigars.

AIice told me so many nice things
about you.

How Iong have you been
doing the art thing?

Ten years. No, 12 years. I'm Iosing track.

AImost five years at this gallery.
What do you do?

I'm a V.P. at Warner Music.
Eileen works on Wall Street.

How Iong have you been together?

Used to be together.
Five years. We're just friends now.

That is so cool.

Want to join Melissa and Drew
in about an hour for a drink?

Sure. Would you Iike to join us for a drink?

I wish I could, but--

But what?

The truth is Charlotte couldn't think
of one really good reason not to go.

I'd Iove to.

One drink at G-Spot,
the hottest new girl bar in town...

...followed by dinner
and scintillating conversation at Luke's...

...a hot new French-fusion restaurant
with an even hotter chef...

...followed by late-night dancing
at Love Tunnel...

...Ieft Charlotte exhilarated and happy
as she'd been in ages.

There was something
relaxing and liberating... traveling in an alternate universe
that contained no thought of men.

By the end of the night,
Charlotte had truly made...

...some wonderful new friends.

That night, Miranda was exhausted
from her own night on the town.

She had spent the last four hours
in the dark with Ethan...

...watching the classic
holocaust documentary Shoah.

Shoah is so much better than
that faky, stagy Schindler's List.

Narrative film can't begin to touch
the horror of experience.

Only documentaries can really
begin to capture the truth.

In fact, the entire concept
of narrative film... just bogus.

You know--

Want to come back to my place?

Miranda was pleased to discover
that Ethan was as passionate in bed... he was on the subject
of non-narrative film.

But just as they were
getting down to business...

...Miranda realized they were not alone.

What's that for?

Just something to get us in the mood.

I think it's kind of sexy, don't you?

Yeah, I guess it could be.

Miranda realized
that Ethan's passion for film...

...had taken on a new and interesting twist.

A few nights later, after a late show
of Gimme Shelter at the Waverly...

...Miranda discovered that Ethan's
new friends were hard to shake.

-Does that really need to be on?

It just really turns me on.

-Aren't I enough?
-You're great.

I can turn off the sound if it bugs you.

Could you move your head
a bit to the right?

Yeah. That's great.

That night, in Mr. Big's kitchen,
I performed an unnatural act of my own.

I cooked.

Voila. Fondue.

You didn't cook.
You just heated up cheese.

And tore up Iittle pieces of bread.

-I'm touched by your effort.

It's the only recipe I could ever master.

AII righty.


...tell me you Iove it.


Now you tell me.

It's horrible.

Can we go to a restaurant now?

I take it back. You're an excellent cook.

I haven't told my friends
we're seeing each other.

Neither have I.

-That doesn't count. You have no friends.
-I have interested parties.

-Why haven't you told them?
-I sensed you didn't want me to.


What do you want me to tell people?

-Good idea. Let's keep it quiet.

-Why do you want to keep it quiet?
-I just want to be agreeable.

The truth is, I wasn't sure why
I wanted to keep the fact...

...that I was seeing Big again
so under wraps.

All I knew is that it felt somehow illicit.

I didn 't even want
to be caught waking up there.

That morning at 7:00 a.m... I walked the Walk of Shame
back to my apartment....

My god!

-What are you doing up here?
-Teeth cleaning.

-At 7:00 a.m.?
-I Iike to get it over with. How's Ethan?

-Aside from his porn addiction?

It was kind of sexy at first,
but it's getting borderline humiliating.

"Move your head here.
Move your head there."

Isn't the real thing more exciting
than a tape?

Maybe it's a force of habit.

I get the feeling he's more interested
in the video than me.

Like he's cheating on me with them
while we're having sex. I don't know.

Am I expecting too much?

No, you deserve his undivided attention.

Thank you. I have to go.
I have a breakfast meeting.

-You're dressed up for the dentist!
-Laundry day.

-Got it.
-Bye, sweetie.

I felt horrible.
I had never lied to Miranda before.

But I was embarrassed to admit
that I was seeing Big again.

The truth was, I was cheating
on her and all my friends with Mr. Big.

That afternoon, Samantha got
very personal with her new trainer, Thor.

I feel Iike such a cliche.
I bet you sleep with all your clients.

I really don't, but it's always been
kind of a fantasy for me.

-Maybe I could train you.
-Why don't we take a shower first?

You got great Iegs.

If I knew we were going to be doing this,
I'd have shaved them.

That's all right. I'II shave them for you.

Are you a dirty girl?

I guess that depends
on your definition of dirty.

And then to Samantha's
surprise and delight...

...Thor kept right on shaving.

What is this thing guys have these days
about wanting to shave your pubic hair?

It's obvious. They want a Iittle girl.

Actually, in Thor's case,
it was more Iike being branded.

What are you talking about?

He shaved me in a shape: a Iightning bolt.

Where do you find these guys?
Carrie, are you Iistening to this?

That very personal trainer of Samantha's...

...shaved her crotch
in the shape of a Iightening bolt.

Really. It's very creative.
Sort of Iike X marks the spot.

You know, it's a very neglected area.

But people are really starting
to pay attention.

You can't just Iet it grow wild.

There's an entire business...

...devoted to the upkeep
and management of pubic hair.

It says as much about you as shoes.

Congratulations, it sounds Iike you found
yourself a very talented stylist.

What are you doing in there?

You know what? Can somebody get that?
I'll be out in a sec.

Sorry I'm Iate.

You didn't have to get
all dressed up for us.

Why not? You did your hair.

It's not for you guys.
I'm meeting Lydia and her friends tonight.

-Who's Lydia?
-Haven't you heard? Charlotte's a Iesbian.

I am not a Iesbian.
I just have some new Iesbian friends.

She's been out with them
three times this past week.


They're cool and they buy art
and their Iives aren't complicated by men.

I was a major Iesbian in the fourth grade.

Wendy Kirsten. We kissed. It was nice.

They know you're straight, right?

I'm sure they do, but we don't even talk
about sex. It's a non-issue.

You have to tell them,
otherwise you're just Ieading them on.

You're nothing but a big clit tease.

Are you saying that a straight woman
and a gay woman can't be friends?

Of course, but you can't expect to move to
Wonder Woman's island and not go native.

Where's Carrie?

If she doesn't get out of the bathroom,
we'II miss the movie.

Is everything okay in there?

Actually, no.

I need help.

This is embarrassing.
I got a new diaphragm and it's stuck.

How Iong has it been in there?

Since Iast night.

While you were getting
your teeth cleaned--

I'm either gonna have to make an
emergency visit to my gynecologist...

...or someone's gonna have to help me.

I'd help you, but I'm not very dexterous.

You're the Iesbian, go in there.



And I just had my nails done.

You are so buying me dinner.

Wait. Aren't we skipping a beat here?

Who are you sleeping with?

It's something that started again
a few weeks ago.

I don't know if it's real
so I didn't want to say anything.

It's Big.

You're sleeping with Big?
He was such an asshole to you.

Not really. Maybe sometimes.

Why do you think
it'II be different this time?

I don't know. I'm not sure they are,
but it kind of feels okay.

If it feels okay,
why are you sneaking around?

We've got this physical, chemical...

...kind of connection that's hard to shake.

So Iay off, okay?

-Now it's gonna be a casual sex thing?

-That's gonna work.
-Even I am not that naive.

I'm really not in the mood
to see a movie anymore.

Come on!

I couldn't sleep at all that night.

The problem was, my friends were right.

Falling into this casual thing with Big,
without a sense of what happened...

...or where it was going,
suddenly felt like a huge mistake.

The next morning, Charlotte attended
brunch at the home of Patty Aston...

...the ex-wife of a Hollywood
television producer.

If power lesbians represented
Manhattan 's chicest new social hive...

...Charlotte was about to meet
their queen bee.

Patty is an amazing Iady.

She's on the board of 100 charities
and now she's taking flying Iessons.

She's got a house in Telluride.
We're all going there for Easter.

-You should come.
-I'd Iove to.

She also has some very interesting art.

Diana the Huntress.

I got her on sale.

This is Charlotte.

A pleasure. I've heard so many
wonderful things about you.


I was telling Charlotte
about your amazing house in Telluride.

Sounds wonderful.

I'm gonna get us some drinks.


Do you ski?

Yes, but not well.
I guess I'm what you'd call a snow bunny.

I just kind of hop down the bunny trail.

It's not a prerequisite, believe me.

It's wonderful to Ieave the city
and be in the mountains.


You should plan to join us the next time.
I know Lydia would Iove it if you could.

That's very generous of you.

But before we get on a plane together,
there's something we all want to know.

Are you gay?

No, I'm not.

But I do so enjoy
the company of all these women.

Everyone's so smart and funny.

After spending too much time
and attention on men... feels Iike such a safe,
warm environment.

And while sexually,
I feel that I am straight...

...there's a very powerful part of me
that connects to the female spirit.

Sweetheart, that's all very nice...

...but if you're not going to eat pussy,
you're not a dyke.

Later that afternoon, following
a particularly grueling workout with Thor...

...Samantha decided to take
a relaxing steam.

That asshole!

That day at the gym...

...Samantha discovered
that lightning does indeed strike twice.

That evening,
Miranda was treated to a double bill.

Nanook of the North at Alice Tully Hall...

...and Steady as She BIows
at Ethan Watson's Porn Palace.

Hold it right there.

AII right, that's enough!

This is not a synchronized event.

Look, I Iike you.

But this is ridiculous.
It's either the women in the video or me.

Your choice, but you can't have both.

It's not that simple.

I've only known you for a few weeks.

But I've been involved
with these women for years.

I am so out of here.

That night, for the first time ever,
Big took me out dancing.

It was like he knew
I needed to talk to him...

...and decided to make it
as difficult as possible.

Our attraction, or addiction,
or whatever, was strong.

But I knew I had to be stronger.

Does this mean we're
seeing each other again? Officially?

If you say so.

That is an infuriating response.

I don't know what "officially" means.

"Officially" means officially.

You know, for real.

Every moment of my Iife is for real, baby.

Just answer me this:
Why did we break up?

You tell me.

You're the one who Ieft me high and dry
with two tickets to St. Barts.

You didn't say what I wanted to hear.

Is that it?

No, not just that.

I wanted to tell him
I was afraid he could never love me...

...the way I wanted to be loved.

I was afraid that he didn't
really have the capacity... love anyone but himself.

I was afraid that, given the chance,
he'd break my heart again.

But I cheated and just said....

I guess I was afraid.

I can tell you one thing.

I sure did miss you officially.

Did you cry?


But I did Iisten to a hell of a Iot of Sinatra.

And there it was. I guess we were
back together officially.

Whatever that means.