Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (2015–2016): Season 2, Episode 4 - Bad Blood - full transcript
Flash steps up his game following Gigi's recent experience and Noah and Bam try to get Rehab to support "Feast."
♪ I've been sleeping around ♪
♪ This hungry town ♪
♪ Trying to find myself again ♪
♪ Just trying to find myself again ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ ♪
Ava, you're gonna be
a massive cabaret star.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, guys.
This... this guy could
be total bullshit, honey.
I mean, he might just
be trying to get laid.
So it's not my voice, it's my ass?
No, I'm... I'm... that's
not what I'm saying.
He's just worried...
- And jealous.
- [laughter]
No, no, I'm not, I'm
just looking out for my girl.
This could be big for you, Ava.
Oh, man, you're gonna get
a shitload of attention.
Yeah, lead singer's the
center of attention.
Yeah, everybody wants
to bang the lead singer.
You remember those days, Johnny.
- Yes, I do.
- Hey, man,
lead singers get laid.
Jagger doesn't have a sell-by date.
Mm, sexy till the day he dies.
Every girl on earth wants to do him.
Hey, if we ever get married,
I get a "free to
[...] Mick Jagger" card.
[laughs]
I want to hump Joe Perry's hair.
I'm getting a series Bonnie Raitt vibe
from Joe Perry these days.
Uh, I'm getting some
hot Bonnie Raitt vibes
from Steven Tyler.
Would you do Steven Tyler?
Dude looks like a lesbian
middle-aged lady.
Plus, think how great he'd
be at picking out scarves.
I don't know, I feel
like both of those guys
are one turquoise bracelet away
from shopping at Ann Taylor Loft.
Where they run into Keith Richards
in the hair accessories section.
Hey, what about Paul McCartney?
- No.
- Boo.
- I call him "Carol."
- Why?
'Cause he looks like
somebody's grand-aunt.
- Oh.
- [laughs]
Hey, I'd like to do Taylor Swift,
but just once, then never call her
and see if she writes a song about me.
Oh, she'll write a song about you.
Then she'll pull an Adele
and she'll write an
entire revenge album about you.
Yeah, then she would buy
the apartment next to yours
and leave you some warm snickerdoodles
on your front step
salted with her own lanky tears.
- Could be a turn-on.
- Good.
Well, then it's your
adorable funeral, baby.
♪ Sex and drugs and rock and roll ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die ♪
♪ Anonymous ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
[whispers] Babe.
- Hmm?
- You asleep?
No.
Am I too young for you?
Wha...
No. Why you asking me that?
You sure you don't wish
you were with somebody
closer to your own age,
or somebody with more
experience than me in bed?
Don't be silly.
You're perfect for me.
We're perfect for each
other in or out of bed.
[whispers] Good answer.
What's this?
It's something that
made me think of you
and our kissing calamities.
- Holy shit.
- Do you like it?
I love it.
You're my Mick Jagger.
You're my Ava Gardner.
You know, Kate
Beckinsale in "The Aviator."
Ah, it's just an old Scorsese movie.
Aw.
I like old movies.
[sighs]
- Is it your birthday?
- Nope.
- Then why'd she give it to you?
- Trying to figure that out.
- It's got diamonds in it.
- And rubies.
What do rubies mean as, like, a gem?
I googled it. Commitment.
- Shit. Really?
- I know.
God damn it. There's a
ton of goddamn rubies in it.
The whole goddamn thing's rubies.
[laughs]
You... maybe we're overthinking it.
Oh, yeah, right.
You heard that marriage
crack she made yesterday.
Look at this.
Remember Phil Tessla?
Just like Mickey, he
dropped dead last night,
but not famous enough to get his name
to headline his own obituary.
That's gonna be me, man,
'cause I'm never gonna be
more famous than I am right now.
I ain't gettin' any younger.
She gives me this pin to
step up our relationship
to the next level.
So I'm thinking maybe it's time.
I mean, what the hell am I waiting for?
I'm gonna meet a girl
that's more suited to my tastes
looks-wise and age-wise?
No.
Well, I mean, you could troll
a few local high schools and colleges.
Funny.
I know you think I'm too old for her.
You know what? I actually
don't think that anymore.
Oh, since when?
Since I evolved.
I'm changing, okay?
- Oh, you've evolved?
- Yeah. I'm evolving.
I mean, have you not
noticed my new threads?
Yeah, I've noticed
that you're dressing like me.
I'm not dressing like you, okay?
Ava got me these clothes.
I'm... I'm dressing like
this to make Ava happy.
Okay, that's what I'm
focusing on, all right?
You should be focusing on that too
because if you put a
smile on Gigi's face,
that puts a smile on Ava's face,
and that makes my life
a hell of a lot easier.
Oh, okay, so it is still about you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's all about you taking care of Gigi.
But don't do anything insane
because this is not the
most famous you're gonna be.
When she gets famous, which she will
because she's beautiful and
talented and ambitious,
you're gonna get more famous
for being her guitar player,
and I'm gonna get famous for
being her songwriting dad.
Okay? So hold out a little bit longer
and there'll be, like, a
gaggle of 23-year-old girls
just dying to buy whatever
you have to sell.
But not too long, 'cause, you know,
your hair is disappearing.
Dude, is there something wrong with you?
What do you mean?
How can you talk about
your daughter like that?
- Like what?
- Like she's a record deal.
- That's not what I said.
- Oh, yeah, it is.
And listen, number one, my hair's
not receding that fast.
Number two, the gray makes
it look a little wispy.
- Okay.
- Number three,
Gigi's happiness is my main concern
so when we have lunch
today with that cabaret producer,
see if you can keep "evolving."
I know how to use a napkin, asshole.
You know how to keep your yap shut
and let Ava do all the talking?
Ooh. I can almost hear
your DNA imploding right now.
My DNA is not...
this is my [...] you, Flash face.
That's what this face is.
From the first time I
saw The Heathens live,
I swear to God, I was a huge fan.
It was the... it was the Ritz in '92.
Man, I thought you guys were gonna win
the Best New Artist Grammy that year
and the MTV Moonman and an AMA.
Shit, I thought you guys were
gonna sweep the whole thing.
Yeah, no, they broke up before
the nominations came out.
Who did end up winning
the Grammy that year?
Marc Cohn.
With this... this
crappy, little piano ballad
about Elvis' ghost or some shit.
- "Walking in Memphis."
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I won a producing Grammy that night too,
so that song has a... it
has a special place in my heart.
Marc, you know, he ended
up being a one-hit wonder,
it happens, but you guys, man,
I thought you guys had staying power.
I always wondered what
happened after you broke up.
Well, I, you know, wanted
to do something that was more
purely my own vision.
So I-I started this band
called The Johnny Rock Show,
you probably heard about
them. Very highly acclaimed...
I-I remember The Johnny Rock show.
I meant what happened with you, Ava?
You had such charisma. And
your eyes... holy shit.
I could never stop staring
at you when you were on stage.
I just... I kept waiting
for you to do your own thing.
- Well, I...
- Well, she was kind of tenta...
you felt tentative about
stepping out front,
right, honey?
No, no. I wouldn't say tentative.
I would say more
stuck in the background.
Yeah, she crushed it with me last week.
That's the video I showed you.
- Her voice is better than ever.
- I know, right?
It's even sexier now.
It's... it's deeper. I... man...
I-I'm in love with your tone.
Oh, thank you, Brook.
Let me cut right to the point here.
I am bringing cabaret to Brooklyn.
I think there's a market here for
upscale, yet edgy live music
in a theatrical setting.
Debbie Harry is my
opening weekend headliner.
The following Wednesday and Thursday
would be you, Ava X.
Me and Debbie Harry?
- [laughs]
- That's right.
Think you can handle it?
- Well, yeah, I think I...
- You know what?
I-I can handle it.
I'll... I'll be your music director.
I'll pick out the songs.
We'll make the set list.
Come up with a title and all that stuff
that we're gonna need.
You just worry about singing
and I'll handle everything else.
Except the check.
We, uh... we have an old-standing rule,
Grammy winner picks up the check.
- Five-time Grammy winner.
- Sorry?
You won five Grammys?
- I did. Yeah.
No, well, six, actually.
I keep forgetting about the
Michael J. Fox audiobook.
And those count?
I don't know.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
[humming indistinctly]
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey ♪
I find that coloring focuses the mind
on forgiveness.
[sighs]
It's peaceful, cleansing.
Transforms the sin-addled adult soul
into that of an innocent child.
Okay.
The unicorn's mane may be
the most important piece of the picture.
What color should it be?
Atomic Tangerine
or Unmellow Yellow?
Razzle-dazzle Rose.
Right here.
Niece, two nephews.
Yeah, Purple Pizzazz, too busy.
And it's not really
purple, if you ask me.
Purple Pizzazz is hot magenta
on some strange violet mission.
Yeah. Trying to steal
Razzle-dazzle Rose's thunder.
[men laughing in bar]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
What's your favorite shade
of purple, Mr. Silverstein?
Puce.
Puce is a...
very angry color.
Well, it depends on how you say it.
Puce.
Are you saying when I
say it, I say it angry?
Yes.
Puce.
Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
Like me. Puce.
Puce.
You're kind of only saying
it lower and slower.
Puce.
Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce?
Relax your larynx a little.
Just, like, let it fly out of you.
- You know, puce.
- Puce?
Still sounds mad.
- Puce.
- [...] puce!
"Puce" sounds like "puke."
Not even in the [...] purple family.
It's a little maggot color.
Doesn't have the balls to be pink.
The courage to be [...] purple.
Puce is a pussy.
"Pussy Puce" that should
be the Crayola name.
There will be no puce in the show.
[exhales slowly]
Can I ask you a question?
Color question?
No, this is a show question.
Uh, do you sing?
Well, I've done some
Shakespeare... 13 productions...
and what is Shakespeare, if not singing?
What is "Hamlet" three
times, if not pure music?
You never heard my
Häagen-Dazs commercials?
Mesmerizing. I've seen them.
You had me hooked
on Vanilla Swiss Almond
for two and a half delicious years.
[laughs]
So you're gonna talk/sing 29 of my songs
about the potato famine?
No.
No, I'm gonna
talk/sing five of your songs.
I'm dropping 24 of them
and bringing in a new young composer
because I want to rap.
Rap?
What, like, hip-hop rap?
I want to rap the Irish famine
into the minds of upcoming generations.
I want to drop some
rhymes on young Irish minds.
Drop the top on the spot
where the English dropped dimes.
Kill the chill on the hill
where my tribe's blood was spilt.
Hit the kit on the kettle where
the battle be settled.
This is it, bro, let the blood flow.
Take the bit, bitch.
Hit the hot Celtic switch.
Uh, uh-uh.
Whoo! What?
D... dude.
That was amazing, Campbell.
Thanks, man.
- W... can I say "Campbell"?
- Yeah.
What... dude.
I'm working a heavy Kendrick vibe,
like, 24/7 these days.
Uh, my show is not some
crappy rap thing, man.
It is a song cycle.
It's my show.
You gave over the rights to my company
when you signed the
contract, Mr. Silverstein.
And my show is gonna feast
on "Hamilton's" testicles.
My show is gonna make America forget
about Ha-ha-Hamilton.
My show will be referred
to as "Familton."
Your subject is powerful,
but your songs are
out of date and atonal.
The real genius is this man's drumming.
That was the best thing
about those 29 tracks.
I want wall-to-wall
percussion in "Feast."
I want ancient Celtic tribal drums...
bodhrán meets...
I don't know... the
beats of Dr. [...] Dre.
Yeah, that's... that's genius, man.
Right? Smashing it.
- Punching it. Popping it.
- Yeah.
Look, Campbell,
I was willing to collaborate...
but I mean, I have got to draw the line
at having a 54-year-old white guy...
51.
Standing on stage rapping.
It's not cool!
I mean, it's not Celtic.
- I got news for you, my friend.
- What?
I am the American theater
Celtic barometer of cool.
By the time I get finished with "Feast,"
people are gonna be begging me
to autograph their [...] potatoes.
Well, then you can sign
potatoes by yourself, man.
You may have the right to
destroy my masterwork,
Mr. Scott,
but we have the right to walk away.
Come on, Bam.
Um...
I, uh...
I'm staying with Campbell.
[sighs]
Well, then, I'm taking my name
off of his show.
What color should the wings be?
Not puce.
All right, so listen, girls.
Listen. Hey.
[indistinct chatter]
I've got the idea for the...
Hey. Shh. Hey.
Guys, listen.
Great idea for the opening tune.
"Bang a Gong," T-Rex,
honey, that's one of your favorite
songs ever recorded,
okay, plus it's got a sexy groove.
I've never seen a chick cover it,
but it also gives us
the title of our show,
Ava X Hubcap, Diamond Star, Halo.
Yawn. No.
My foot literally just fell
asleep as you were saying it.
Same song, better title... "Get It On."
"Get It On."
- Right?
- It's awesome.
Oh, my God. "Get It On."
If I see a poster with her
silhouette in stiletto heels,
that says "Ava X Get It On,"
I'm showing up, not to
mention every penis in Brooklyn.
Okay, but "Get It On's" not classy.
"Hubcap, Diamond
Star, Halo," that's classy.
We don't need a classy title, okay?
I'm classy.
We need asses in the seats.
And some really killer shoes.
- Absolutely.
- For sure.
"Get It On" is the title,
but you don't open with that song, okay,
you close with it, because
when people hear "Get It On,"
they're gonna thing "Bang a Gong."
So subconsciously they're
gonna be begging for it.
So we make them wait
and then we give it to them
at the end, make them orgasm.
Okay, so let me just get this straight.
Um, I've got 32 years of
show business experience,
but you're gonna tell me
how to put a set together?
- Yes. I am.
- Okay.
Okay, we open with an original tune
so we can establish
original ground right up front.
You know, something with a sexy groove.
- Yes.
- Okay, honey,
who's the musical director here?
- I am.
- Gigi is.
You're just the piano player, honey.
- Since when?
- Since the cab ride home.
I was in the cab, okay,
and I was talking to
you guys about, you know,
who I was gonna hire
for the horn section,
and you guys weren't even listening.
You were both just
sitting there, texting.
Yes, each other,
making really big decisions.
W-why is she in charge?
Because I'm the only member
of the band that's not on stage,
plus, I have great
ideas, great perspective.
Well, "Bang a Gong" was my idea.
Yeah, which I just made better.
It's a collaboration, Dad.
That's what I'm saying.
I want to collaborate... me and you.
Me and Ava,
but you shouldn't worry about that.
You should just be
worrying about your piano chops.
What's wrong with my piano chops?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
- And so for sure on the belt.
- I like the first one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do too. I do too.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, baby, watch your step ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you're gonna dress like that ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, baby, watch your step ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you're gonna dress like that ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Ow ♪
♪ The colors and the shapes ♪
♪ Oh, you're painting pattern brown ♪
♪ ♪
[cheering]
- Very nice.
- All right.
- Whoo!
- Nice.
- Way to go, hon.
- Thanks, guys.
- That was awesome.
- Yeah, you too, man.
[clears throat] Dad.
- Yeah?
- You want to walk out together?
I want to discuss some of the songs.
Oh, okay. Great.
Hope you guys are
whispering about coming in earlier
on the second verse over there.
Don't have to come in earlier
if you ain't ham-fisting them keys, kid.
Yeah, you got heavy fingers.
- And happy mother[...] feet.
- Uh-huh.
Always did. You got no nuance.
Try listening to us,
'cause we're
listening to the lead singer.
Slow the heck down, man.
Yeah, or you guys could
just come in earlier
on the second verse.
Thanks for the advice, boys.
I oughta kick his [...] ass.
Ah. What's up?
- Why are you acting like this?
- Like what?
You're being awful.
You're acting like a... like a yappy,
loudmouth, insecure little douche,
which I know is normal
for you, but my God,
it's like you turned the
volume on the bitch knob up to 11.
Yeah, okay.
Why can't you be happy for Ava?
I am happy for Ava. I'm just...
- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I'm just concerned.
You know, I don't want her to get hurt
- or upset.
- Or famous.
Oh, honey, she's
not gonna get famous.
- This is one goddamn gig.
- What if she does?
What if she does? What
if something happens
and she becomes kind of well-known?
- What then?
- I...
God, if you get this jealous
and agitated over one gig
of Ava's what is gonna
happen if I make it?
Honey, I'm, like, your biggest fan.
Nobody wants you to
make it more than me.
But then why can't
you be Ava's biggest fan?
What are you afraid of?
I'm not afraid of anything.
You're afraid she might leave you.
Oh, yeah, like she's gonna leave me.
Honey, you have to
understand something, okay,
we're soul mates, all right.
We're attached at the hip.
Together forever.
She's never gonna leave me.
[scoffs]
W-why, did she say something
about... leaving?
What did she say?
[sighs]
Well, we had a long talk about leaving.
And?
And she's not leaving,
you are.
What do you mean?
You're fired, Dad.
Fired from what?
You're fired from the band.
You're fired from Ava X.
- Says who?
- Says Ava.
Says me. Says Ruck. Says Bam Bam.
Says everybody, but especially me.
Okay, that's bullshit.
Why didn't Ava tell me?
'Cause she's completely
overwhelmed by you.
She feels like you're trying to
subconsciously sabotage her.
I'm not trying to...
We know you have
heavy fingers, but [...], Dad.
You're like an anchor
just weighing her down.
It's such a drag
and everybody feels it.
I'm sorry to say this, but
if you have any song ideas,
if you have any suggestions, you
have to go through me first.
Honey...
I don't want you on stage with her.
You're messing her up.
You're bringing her down.
You are never stepping
foot on that stage, ever.
Okay, I'm not... I'm not...
Shh! Listen.
If you have any brains
left, you will go home,
you will apologize to her, okay,
and you will agree to
step elegantly aside
while she has her time in the spotlight.
She'll love you for it.
[scoffs]
I want a bagel.
Hey, what the [...]?
Don't want to discuss it, John.
You don't want to discuss it?
You fire me from the
band without telling me
and you don't want to discuss it?
We're gonna discuss the
shit out of it right now.
Do not get in that bed, Ava.
We are gonna...
Ava.
Okay.
All right.
Now listen to me.
Do not pick up that...
Don't open that iPad. Honey.
[growls]
Okay.
I know I'm controlling
and I probably express
myself the wrong way sometimes,
but what I'm trying to say, honey, is,
I have the same interest
here that you do.
I-I have your best interest at heart.
What's best for me, John,
is to not have you sitting
behind me on opening night.
- Why?
- Because.
- That's it?
- Yeah.
That's it. "Because."
Because I have
enough to worry about, okay?
How I sound, how I look, what
the audience is thinking of me,
how to keep my hands from shaking.
This is not about you this
time. This is about me.
But that's what I'm saying.
We're saying the same thing. Honey.
I want to be there for precisely
those reasons, okay.
I want to be there in
case you have a panic attack
or you get anxious.
All you have to do is look over at me
and there I am to support you,
to help you breathe, okay.
I'm... I want to be your safety net.
Okay, in case you fall apart,
I'm there to put the
pieces back together again.
But what if I don't fall apart?
What if?
What if I'm great?
But what if you're not?
- Oh, you stupid...
- Ow! Jeez!
Son of a bitch!
You've been doing this all week, John,
mind [...]ing me into failing.
- Get out!
- That hurt.
I don't care. Get out!
[sighs]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
♪ This hungry town ♪
♪ Trying to find myself again ♪
♪ Just trying to find myself again ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ Like I always should ♪
♪ ♪
Ava, you're gonna be
a massive cabaret star.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, guys.
This... this guy could
be total bullshit, honey.
I mean, he might just
be trying to get laid.
So it's not my voice, it's my ass?
No, I'm... I'm... that's
not what I'm saying.
He's just worried...
- And jealous.
- [laughter]
No, no, I'm not, I'm
just looking out for my girl.
This could be big for you, Ava.
Oh, man, you're gonna get
a shitload of attention.
Yeah, lead singer's the
center of attention.
Yeah, everybody wants
to bang the lead singer.
You remember those days, Johnny.
- Yes, I do.
- Hey, man,
lead singers get laid.
Jagger doesn't have a sell-by date.
Mm, sexy till the day he dies.
Every girl on earth wants to do him.
Hey, if we ever get married,
I get a "free to
[...] Mick Jagger" card.
[laughs]
I want to hump Joe Perry's hair.
I'm getting a series Bonnie Raitt vibe
from Joe Perry these days.
Uh, I'm getting some
hot Bonnie Raitt vibes
from Steven Tyler.
Would you do Steven Tyler?
Dude looks like a lesbian
middle-aged lady.
Plus, think how great he'd
be at picking out scarves.
I don't know, I feel
like both of those guys
are one turquoise bracelet away
from shopping at Ann Taylor Loft.
Where they run into Keith Richards
in the hair accessories section.
Hey, what about Paul McCartney?
- No.
- Boo.
- I call him "Carol."
- Why?
'Cause he looks like
somebody's grand-aunt.
- Oh.
- [laughs]
Hey, I'd like to do Taylor Swift,
but just once, then never call her
and see if she writes a song about me.
Oh, she'll write a song about you.
Then she'll pull an Adele
and she'll write an
entire revenge album about you.
Yeah, then she would buy
the apartment next to yours
and leave you some warm snickerdoodles
on your front step
salted with her own lanky tears.
- Could be a turn-on.
- Good.
Well, then it's your
adorable funeral, baby.
♪ Sex and drugs and rock and roll ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die ♪
♪ Anonymous ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
[whispers] Babe.
- Hmm?
- You asleep?
No.
Am I too young for you?
Wha...
No. Why you asking me that?
You sure you don't wish
you were with somebody
closer to your own age,
or somebody with more
experience than me in bed?
Don't be silly.
You're perfect for me.
We're perfect for each
other in or out of bed.
[whispers] Good answer.
What's this?
It's something that
made me think of you
and our kissing calamities.
- Holy shit.
- Do you like it?
I love it.
You're my Mick Jagger.
You're my Ava Gardner.
You know, Kate
Beckinsale in "The Aviator."
Ah, it's just an old Scorsese movie.
Aw.
I like old movies.
[sighs]
- Is it your birthday?
- Nope.
- Then why'd she give it to you?
- Trying to figure that out.
- It's got diamonds in it.
- And rubies.
What do rubies mean as, like, a gem?
I googled it. Commitment.
- Shit. Really?
- I know.
God damn it. There's a
ton of goddamn rubies in it.
The whole goddamn thing's rubies.
[laughs]
You... maybe we're overthinking it.
Oh, yeah, right.
You heard that marriage
crack she made yesterday.
Look at this.
Remember Phil Tessla?
Just like Mickey, he
dropped dead last night,
but not famous enough to get his name
to headline his own obituary.
That's gonna be me, man,
'cause I'm never gonna be
more famous than I am right now.
I ain't gettin' any younger.
She gives me this pin to
step up our relationship
to the next level.
So I'm thinking maybe it's time.
I mean, what the hell am I waiting for?
I'm gonna meet a girl
that's more suited to my tastes
looks-wise and age-wise?
No.
Well, I mean, you could troll
a few local high schools and colleges.
Funny.
I know you think I'm too old for her.
You know what? I actually
don't think that anymore.
Oh, since when?
Since I evolved.
I'm changing, okay?
- Oh, you've evolved?
- Yeah. I'm evolving.
I mean, have you not
noticed my new threads?
Yeah, I've noticed
that you're dressing like me.
I'm not dressing like you, okay?
Ava got me these clothes.
I'm... I'm dressing like
this to make Ava happy.
Okay, that's what I'm
focusing on, all right?
You should be focusing on that too
because if you put a
smile on Gigi's face,
that puts a smile on Ava's face,
and that makes my life
a hell of a lot easier.
Oh, okay, so it is still about you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's all about you taking care of Gigi.
But don't do anything insane
because this is not the
most famous you're gonna be.
When she gets famous, which she will
because she's beautiful and
talented and ambitious,
you're gonna get more famous
for being her guitar player,
and I'm gonna get famous for
being her songwriting dad.
Okay? So hold out a little bit longer
and there'll be, like, a
gaggle of 23-year-old girls
just dying to buy whatever
you have to sell.
But not too long, 'cause, you know,
your hair is disappearing.
Dude, is there something wrong with you?
What do you mean?
How can you talk about
your daughter like that?
- Like what?
- Like she's a record deal.
- That's not what I said.
- Oh, yeah, it is.
And listen, number one, my hair's
not receding that fast.
Number two, the gray makes
it look a little wispy.
- Okay.
- Number three,
Gigi's happiness is my main concern
so when we have lunch
today with that cabaret producer,
see if you can keep "evolving."
I know how to use a napkin, asshole.
You know how to keep your yap shut
and let Ava do all the talking?
Ooh. I can almost hear
your DNA imploding right now.
My DNA is not...
this is my [...] you, Flash face.
That's what this face is.
From the first time I
saw The Heathens live,
I swear to God, I was a huge fan.
It was the... it was the Ritz in '92.
Man, I thought you guys were gonna win
the Best New Artist Grammy that year
and the MTV Moonman and an AMA.
Shit, I thought you guys were
gonna sweep the whole thing.
Yeah, no, they broke up before
the nominations came out.
Who did end up winning
the Grammy that year?
Marc Cohn.
With this... this
crappy, little piano ballad
about Elvis' ghost or some shit.
- "Walking in Memphis."
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I won a producing Grammy that night too,
so that song has a... it
has a special place in my heart.
Marc, you know, he ended
up being a one-hit wonder,
it happens, but you guys, man,
I thought you guys had staying power.
I always wondered what
happened after you broke up.
Well, I, you know, wanted
to do something that was more
purely my own vision.
So I-I started this band
called The Johnny Rock Show,
you probably heard about
them. Very highly acclaimed...
I-I remember The Johnny Rock show.
I meant what happened with you, Ava?
You had such charisma. And
your eyes... holy shit.
I could never stop staring
at you when you were on stage.
I just... I kept waiting
for you to do your own thing.
- Well, I...
- Well, she was kind of tenta...
you felt tentative about
stepping out front,
right, honey?
No, no. I wouldn't say tentative.
I would say more
stuck in the background.
Yeah, she crushed it with me last week.
That's the video I showed you.
- Her voice is better than ever.
- I know, right?
It's even sexier now.
It's... it's deeper. I... man...
I-I'm in love with your tone.
Oh, thank you, Brook.
Let me cut right to the point here.
I am bringing cabaret to Brooklyn.
I think there's a market here for
upscale, yet edgy live music
in a theatrical setting.
Debbie Harry is my
opening weekend headliner.
The following Wednesday and Thursday
would be you, Ava X.
Me and Debbie Harry?
- [laughs]
- That's right.
Think you can handle it?
- Well, yeah, I think I...
- You know what?
I-I can handle it.
I'll... I'll be your music director.
I'll pick out the songs.
We'll make the set list.
Come up with a title and all that stuff
that we're gonna need.
You just worry about singing
and I'll handle everything else.
Except the check.
We, uh... we have an old-standing rule,
Grammy winner picks up the check.
- Five-time Grammy winner.
- Sorry?
You won five Grammys?
- I did. Yeah.
No, well, six, actually.
I keep forgetting about the
Michael J. Fox audiobook.
And those count?
I don't know.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
[humming indistinctly]
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey ♪
I find that coloring focuses the mind
on forgiveness.
[sighs]
It's peaceful, cleansing.
Transforms the sin-addled adult soul
into that of an innocent child.
Okay.
The unicorn's mane may be
the most important piece of the picture.
What color should it be?
Atomic Tangerine
or Unmellow Yellow?
Razzle-dazzle Rose.
Right here.
Niece, two nephews.
Yeah, Purple Pizzazz, too busy.
And it's not really
purple, if you ask me.
Purple Pizzazz is hot magenta
on some strange violet mission.
Yeah. Trying to steal
Razzle-dazzle Rose's thunder.
[men laughing in bar]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
What's your favorite shade
of purple, Mr. Silverstein?
Puce.
Puce is a...
very angry color.
Well, it depends on how you say it.
Puce.
Are you saying when I
say it, I say it angry?
Yes.
Puce.
Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
Like me. Puce.
Puce.
You're kind of only saying
it lower and slower.
Puce.
Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce.
- Puce?
Relax your larynx a little.
Just, like, let it fly out of you.
- You know, puce.
- Puce?
Still sounds mad.
- Puce.
- [...] puce!
"Puce" sounds like "puke."
Not even in the [...] purple family.
It's a little maggot color.
Doesn't have the balls to be pink.
The courage to be [...] purple.
Puce is a pussy.
"Pussy Puce" that should
be the Crayola name.
There will be no puce in the show.
[exhales slowly]
Can I ask you a question?
Color question?
No, this is a show question.
Uh, do you sing?
Well, I've done some
Shakespeare... 13 productions...
and what is Shakespeare, if not singing?
What is "Hamlet" three
times, if not pure music?
You never heard my
Häagen-Dazs commercials?
Mesmerizing. I've seen them.
You had me hooked
on Vanilla Swiss Almond
for two and a half delicious years.
[laughs]
So you're gonna talk/sing 29 of my songs
about the potato famine?
No.
No, I'm gonna
talk/sing five of your songs.
I'm dropping 24 of them
and bringing in a new young composer
because I want to rap.
Rap?
What, like, hip-hop rap?
I want to rap the Irish famine
into the minds of upcoming generations.
I want to drop some
rhymes on young Irish minds.
Drop the top on the spot
where the English dropped dimes.
Kill the chill on the hill
where my tribe's blood was spilt.
Hit the kit on the kettle where
the battle be settled.
This is it, bro, let the blood flow.
Take the bit, bitch.
Hit the hot Celtic switch.
Uh, uh-uh.
Whoo! What?
D... dude.
That was amazing, Campbell.
Thanks, man.
- W... can I say "Campbell"?
- Yeah.
What... dude.
I'm working a heavy Kendrick vibe,
like, 24/7 these days.
Uh, my show is not some
crappy rap thing, man.
It is a song cycle.
It's my show.
You gave over the rights to my company
when you signed the
contract, Mr. Silverstein.
And my show is gonna feast
on "Hamilton's" testicles.
My show is gonna make America forget
about Ha-ha-Hamilton.
My show will be referred
to as "Familton."
Your subject is powerful,
but your songs are
out of date and atonal.
The real genius is this man's drumming.
That was the best thing
about those 29 tracks.
I want wall-to-wall
percussion in "Feast."
I want ancient Celtic tribal drums...
bodhrán meets...
I don't know... the
beats of Dr. [...] Dre.
Yeah, that's... that's genius, man.
Right? Smashing it.
- Punching it. Popping it.
- Yeah.
Look, Campbell,
I was willing to collaborate...
but I mean, I have got to draw the line
at having a 54-year-old white guy...
51.
Standing on stage rapping.
It's not cool!
I mean, it's not Celtic.
- I got news for you, my friend.
- What?
I am the American theater
Celtic barometer of cool.
By the time I get finished with "Feast,"
people are gonna be begging me
to autograph their [...] potatoes.
Well, then you can sign
potatoes by yourself, man.
You may have the right to
destroy my masterwork,
Mr. Scott,
but we have the right to walk away.
Come on, Bam.
Um...
I, uh...
I'm staying with Campbell.
[sighs]
Well, then, I'm taking my name
off of his show.
What color should the wings be?
Not puce.
All right, so listen, girls.
Listen. Hey.
[indistinct chatter]
I've got the idea for the...
Hey. Shh. Hey.
Guys, listen.
Great idea for the opening tune.
"Bang a Gong," T-Rex,
honey, that's one of your favorite
songs ever recorded,
okay, plus it's got a sexy groove.
I've never seen a chick cover it,
but it also gives us
the title of our show,
Ava X Hubcap, Diamond Star, Halo.
Yawn. No.
My foot literally just fell
asleep as you were saying it.
Same song, better title... "Get It On."
"Get It On."
- Right?
- It's awesome.
Oh, my God. "Get It On."
If I see a poster with her
silhouette in stiletto heels,
that says "Ava X Get It On,"
I'm showing up, not to
mention every penis in Brooklyn.
Okay, but "Get It On's" not classy.
"Hubcap, Diamond
Star, Halo," that's classy.
We don't need a classy title, okay?
I'm classy.
We need asses in the seats.
And some really killer shoes.
- Absolutely.
- For sure.
"Get It On" is the title,
but you don't open with that song, okay,
you close with it, because
when people hear "Get It On,"
they're gonna thing "Bang a Gong."
So subconsciously they're
gonna be begging for it.
So we make them wait
and then we give it to them
at the end, make them orgasm.
Okay, so let me just get this straight.
Um, I've got 32 years of
show business experience,
but you're gonna tell me
how to put a set together?
- Yes. I am.
- Okay.
Okay, we open with an original tune
so we can establish
original ground right up front.
You know, something with a sexy groove.
- Yes.
- Okay, honey,
who's the musical director here?
- I am.
- Gigi is.
You're just the piano player, honey.
- Since when?
- Since the cab ride home.
I was in the cab, okay,
and I was talking to
you guys about, you know,
who I was gonna hire
for the horn section,
and you guys weren't even listening.
You were both just
sitting there, texting.
Yes, each other,
making really big decisions.
W-why is she in charge?
Because I'm the only member
of the band that's not on stage,
plus, I have great
ideas, great perspective.
Well, "Bang a Gong" was my idea.
Yeah, which I just made better.
It's a collaboration, Dad.
That's what I'm saying.
I want to collaborate... me and you.
Me and Ava,
but you shouldn't worry about that.
You should just be
worrying about your piano chops.
What's wrong with my piano chops?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
- And so for sure on the belt.
- I like the first one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do too. I do too.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, baby, watch your step ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you're gonna dress like that ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, baby, watch your step ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you're gonna dress like that ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Ow ♪
♪ The colors and the shapes ♪
♪ Oh, you're painting pattern brown ♪
♪ ♪
[cheering]
- Very nice.
- All right.
- Whoo!
- Nice.
- Way to go, hon.
- Thanks, guys.
- That was awesome.
- Yeah, you too, man.
[clears throat] Dad.
- Yeah?
- You want to walk out together?
I want to discuss some of the songs.
Oh, okay. Great.
Hope you guys are
whispering about coming in earlier
on the second verse over there.
Don't have to come in earlier
if you ain't ham-fisting them keys, kid.
Yeah, you got heavy fingers.
- And happy mother[...] feet.
- Uh-huh.
Always did. You got no nuance.
Try listening to us,
'cause we're
listening to the lead singer.
Slow the heck down, man.
Yeah, or you guys could
just come in earlier
on the second verse.
Thanks for the advice, boys.
I oughta kick his [...] ass.
Ah. What's up?
- Why are you acting like this?
- Like what?
You're being awful.
You're acting like a... like a yappy,
loudmouth, insecure little douche,
which I know is normal
for you, but my God,
it's like you turned the
volume on the bitch knob up to 11.
Yeah, okay.
Why can't you be happy for Ava?
I am happy for Ava. I'm just...
- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I'm just concerned.
You know, I don't want her to get hurt
- or upset.
- Or famous.
Oh, honey, she's
not gonna get famous.
- This is one goddamn gig.
- What if she does?
What if she does? What
if something happens
and she becomes kind of well-known?
- What then?
- I...
God, if you get this jealous
and agitated over one gig
of Ava's what is gonna
happen if I make it?
Honey, I'm, like, your biggest fan.
Nobody wants you to
make it more than me.
But then why can't
you be Ava's biggest fan?
What are you afraid of?
I'm not afraid of anything.
You're afraid she might leave you.
Oh, yeah, like she's gonna leave me.
Honey, you have to
understand something, okay,
we're soul mates, all right.
We're attached at the hip.
Together forever.
She's never gonna leave me.
[scoffs]
W-why, did she say something
about... leaving?
What did she say?
[sighs]
Well, we had a long talk about leaving.
And?
And she's not leaving,
you are.
What do you mean?
You're fired, Dad.
Fired from what?
You're fired from the band.
You're fired from Ava X.
- Says who?
- Says Ava.
Says me. Says Ruck. Says Bam Bam.
Says everybody, but especially me.
Okay, that's bullshit.
Why didn't Ava tell me?
'Cause she's completely
overwhelmed by you.
She feels like you're trying to
subconsciously sabotage her.
I'm not trying to...
We know you have
heavy fingers, but [...], Dad.
You're like an anchor
just weighing her down.
It's such a drag
and everybody feels it.
I'm sorry to say this, but
if you have any song ideas,
if you have any suggestions, you
have to go through me first.
Honey...
I don't want you on stage with her.
You're messing her up.
You're bringing her down.
You are never stepping
foot on that stage, ever.
Okay, I'm not... I'm not...
Shh! Listen.
If you have any brains
left, you will go home,
you will apologize to her, okay,
and you will agree to
step elegantly aside
while she has her time in the spotlight.
She'll love you for it.
[scoffs]
I want a bagel.
Hey, what the [...]?
Don't want to discuss it, John.
You don't want to discuss it?
You fire me from the
band without telling me
and you don't want to discuss it?
We're gonna discuss the
shit out of it right now.
Do not get in that bed, Ava.
We are gonna...
Ava.
Okay.
All right.
Now listen to me.
Do not pick up that...
Don't open that iPad. Honey.
[growls]
Okay.
I know I'm controlling
and I probably express
myself the wrong way sometimes,
but what I'm trying to say, honey, is,
I have the same interest
here that you do.
I-I have your best interest at heart.
What's best for me, John,
is to not have you sitting
behind me on opening night.
- Why?
- Because.
- That's it?
- Yeah.
That's it. "Because."
Because I have
enough to worry about, okay?
How I sound, how I look, what
the audience is thinking of me,
how to keep my hands from shaking.
This is not about you this
time. This is about me.
But that's what I'm saying.
We're saying the same thing. Honey.
I want to be there for precisely
those reasons, okay.
I want to be there in
case you have a panic attack
or you get anxious.
All you have to do is look over at me
and there I am to support you,
to help you breathe, okay.
I'm... I want to be your safety net.
Okay, in case you fall apart,
I'm there to put the
pieces back together again.
But what if I don't fall apart?
What if?
What if I'm great?
But what if you're not?
- Oh, you stupid...
- Ow! Jeez!
Son of a bitch!
You've been doing this all week, John,
mind [...]ing me into failing.
- Get out!
- That hurt.
I don't care. Get out!
[sighs]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.