Sex, Love & Goop (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - A show about sex. - full transcript
[sultry music playing]
[Gwyneth Paltrow] If you're watching this,
you probably have a pretty good idea
what this series is about.
- We're having sex, it's a show about sex...
- [all laughing]
...we're gonna talk about sex.
Hello.
- [soaring music playing]
- [Gwyneth] I founded goop 13 years ago
to unearth cutting-edge ideas that
could really help us optimize our lives.
We thought it was about time that
we take this approach to sex and intimacy.
Don't resist. Allow it to come through.
You have total permission
to have an erection.
Oh.
We found some
extraordinarily brave volunteers...
[woman]
My mom was a Jehovah's Witness.
They love lesbians.
- [all laugh]
- Yeah, they're huge fans.
[Gwyneth] ...willing to reveal
what we normally keep hidden.
Each couple was matched
with a phenomenal practitioner.
So, people come to me sometimes
because they want to learn how to squirt.
- That's the whole clitoris.
- [man] Hmm.
What is sexological bodywork?
- Would you like me to go further?
- Yeah.
I bet you didn't know you could have
energetic orgasms, did you?
[woman 1] Would you do that?
- Yeah. I think I might.
- Yeah.
I enlisted my friend and intimacy expert,
Michaela Boehm.
We've been in tantra positions
pretty close together.
Oh, yes.
Ah! I feel so much better.
We're gonna have
to work on the sexy factor a bit.
[woman 2] Right there's the sweet spot.
[moans]
- Man, that's kinky.
- [woman 3] This is great.
[man howling softly]
- [groans]
- [moans]
Oh, my God. What just happened to me?
It's probably gonna be
a little embarrassing and weird.
Oh, man. No pressure.
- Okay.
- [all laughing]
Do you want me to put on
the Iron Man suit? Would that relax you?
[all laughing]
So, how are you all feeling about this?
- Excited.
- [Gwyneth] Yeah?
- Curious.
- Nervous.
- A little nervous?
- [participants giggle]
What's the... What's the nervous part?
I think that we don't know
what's coming, necessarily.
- We don't either.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
Yeah, I feel, like, down,
like, ready to do this.
I feel... a little bit old.
- Just...
- [all laughing]
Like the grandmother I am. [laughs]
I feel vulnerable too.
You guys are showing an incredible amount
of bravery and courageousness because,
you know,
this is a particularly vulnerable subject.
It's not only, uh,
just an incredible bravery
for you to show up with each other,
we'll discuss things that
you might have never said to your partner,
and that's really, really wild
when that happens in a relationship.
It's really great that you guys did this,
and we're excited to be a part of this.
Hi, I'm Damon.
And I'm Erika.
And we've been together
for about six years.
Six years.
The first time I saw her,
I think I fell in love with her.
I'm an artist by trade.
When I met her, I was drawing
caricatures out by the beach,
and when I saw her, I literally said,
"Yeah, she looks like
she could be my wife."
[Damon] You know I love you.
Will you marry me?
[Erika] Yeah. I do.
[Damon] You do?
[Erika laughing] Are you crazy?
If I'm completely honest, I think
the number-one thing we have is love,
because communication
is not there a lot of times. [chuckles]
Like, we get frustrated with each other
and, like, argue and fight.
- We have the...
- [stabbing sounds]
We have the dumbest fights.
[interviewer] Do you fight about sex?
We have.
- Yeah. Definitely.
- Yeah.
I'm more experienced than she is.
Sexually, I feel she's very conservative.
[Erika]
Sexually, we're very different people.
That's been a frustrating thing.
So is it fundamentally
a communication issue?
Or it's like a mismatch in sexuality?
How would you characterize it?
I think it's more of
a communication thing than sexuality.
I feel, uh,
once we start having sex, you know...
- It's okay. We're having sex!
- [all laughing]
It's a show about sex.
We're gonna talk about sex.
When I was a kid,
the worst part about going to school
was getting up to go to school.
Once I was at school, everything's good.
- [woman] Great.
- [all laughing]
See, I like to go to school, so...
[all laughing]
Which is like how we are, basically.
We are very different when it comes to,
like, the way we want the other one to be.
I like music and I like sensual,
and he's kind of like...
[giggles]
I like R&B.
- I like soul.
- No, I'm not talking about music.
What? Look...
He'll very much just be like,
"I'm horny. Like, aren't you?"
And for me I'm like,
"Wait. I was just washing dishes." Like...
[Damon] And for me,
I think as a guy, it's way easier.
She turns me on.
I mean,
it's as simple as that, she turns me on.
When she walks around the house,
that's enough to turn me on. But...
I need stimulation more than just, like,
penetration, basically is the point, like...
I've had a penetration orgasm
twice in my entire life.
[Damon] It's hard because
I want her to really enjoy it.
I mean, who else would you want
to please more than anybody else?
So one of the things
that's amazing in this here is
the people you have access to
and how they've been vetted
and what they're about
and how cutting-edge they are.
You're paired up
with a really, really good practitioner.
I think it's gonna be
a really interesting journey.
[upbeat vocalizing]
My name is Jaiya, and I help
couples to have hot, juicy sex lives
by learning more about their sexuality,
and I'm the founder
of the Erotic Blueprints
and the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough.
People are wired differently
when it comes to their eroticism.
So Erotic Blueprints are
a language to help people understand
more about who they are as erotic beings.
I love that we are here
doing this on camera,
and the reason why I love it is because
I know that if one person viewing this,
it changes their erotic lives,
it's worth it.
[soft percussive music playing]
I love this water.
Oh, check out that statue.
[Erika] Wow, that's beautiful.
[Damon] Wow.
[Jaiya] So, here we are.
[Erika] Here we are.
Here we are.
We're here now to help the two of you,
and so there's
orgasmic pleasure on the plate.
One of the things I wanted to set up
as we talk about your pleasure and orgasm
is that there's no pressure here.
So there's no pressure for you to perform
or have an orgasm or any of that.
The journey is
what I would like to focus on.
So there's five
different Erotic Blueprints,
and the first one is energetic.
And an energetic is someone
who's turned on by anticipation.
They like to have yearning, longing.
So then there's the sensual,
and a sensual is someone who's turned on
by all of their senses being ignited.
That's the senses of smell, taste,
sight, touch, all of that being ignited.
The sexual is someone who's turned on
by what we think of as sex in our culture.
So, intercourse, orgasms, penetration,
genitals, nudity. Those kinds of things.
The kinky is turned on
by whatever's taboo.
So whatever is taboo
for you becomes the turn-on,
and that could be psychological
or it can be more sensation-based.
And then the shapeshifter.
The shapeshifter is someone
who's turned on by all of it.
So it's the whole smorgasbord.
Nothing is ever too much.
So the both of you have taken
the Erotic Blueprints quiz.
The online quiz tells you what's happening
pretty much from
a mental standpoint of each blueprint.
- [Damon] Yeah.
- And I have your quiz results.
So, what's really interesting
when I'm looking at couples' blueprints
is oftentimes they're opposites.
So they'll have, like, their highest one
is their partner's lowest one.
So, what I thought was most interesting
was your lowest, so I'm gonna start there.
So, in terms of sexual
was your lowest blueprint,
and you were 12.9% sexual.
Damon, your lowest was kinky, 5% kinky.
[laughs]
- But your highest, Damon, is sexual.
- All right.
So when I talk about you speaking
different languages, this is what I mean.
You speak sexual.
With my own partner,
I'm highest in sexual,
so my highest percentage
was sexual on my test as well.
When I would initiate sex with my partner,
I would touch his genitals and be like...
Like, in the car or randomly,
those kinds of things,
and he'd look at me like,
"What are you doing?"
- "I'm trying to drive."
- [Erika] Right.
"I'm trying to do the dishes,
or I'm trying to do other things."
"What is this?" And it feels like
it's coming out of left field.
So, what's interesting, Erika, is
I thought for sure, just talking to you,
that you would be highest in sensual.
- Okay.
- That'd be your highest blueprint.
But you're actually highest in energetic.
Huh.
What's fascinating is
that right under your energetic,
almost the same percentage,
is kinky.
Okay. [giggles]
So you have, like,
energetic and kinky at the top,
and your kinky is the lowest.
Oh, wow.
[Damon chuckles] Energetic kinky.
[women chuckle]
And the picture
that puts in my mind is crazy.
- [Erika giggles]
- What's the picture?
I mean, somebody jumping
and running around, you know...
- "Ah!"
- [laughing]
You know, with the whips and leather, and,
like, "You're not done!
You're not done!"
[laughing]
I think one of the really important things
here is that we'll redefine kink for you,
for you both, like, what that means,
'cause it doesn't have to mean gags.
And then the energetic piece
isn't about, like,
"I have all this energy
and I'm running around."
[laughs] It's about...
It's about creating...
So, do this right now.
So, if you took your arm and
you just put your hand over your arm,
and then just feel.
Like, can you feel heat?
Can you feel, like,
the hairs on your arm like that?
- That... That's energetic.
- [Damon] Yeah.
It's touching somebody
before you're touching them,
Yeah.
It's playing in the energy
of a person's body, not just the physical.
Okay, so I'm gonna bring out some items...
[Erika] Okay.
...that we will be using for sensation play,
or to play in the kinky realm.
- We gotta get one of these for the house.
- [Jaiya] Okay. All right. Handcuffs.
Have you been handcuffed before?
No. [titters]
That looks like a Pokémon tail, so...
[laughing]
- Pokémon tails can stay?
- Yeah.
"Okay," is what I'm hearing.
This is a wok cleaner,
but the way that it's used is kind of
like this for a little bit of sensation.
Okay, I wanna check in
'cause you mentioned chains.
- [laughs]
- The way this is used is not as impact.
Is that a metal flog?
It's... It's to feel, like,
the way this drips and the temperature.
- There's no impact with this item.
- Okay, cool.
All right, and then, like, nipple, um...
- Oh!
- ...clamps?
Is this something...
His nipples are sensitive.
- My nipples are sensitive.
- [Jaiya] Not your nipples, your nipples.
Although that could be interesting.
[laughs]
- I love hearing your blueprints talk.
- [Damon] You first then.
These are, like, my Wolverine claws.
[Damon] Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, that's kinda hot.
- [Jaiya] It's hot.
[women laughing]
- I don't know why, but that is.
- What is it with women and knives, man?
[Jaiya] I won't break the skin
or anything with them.
It's mostly just for,
like, the interest of the sensation.
[laughing]
This is crazy, man. This is so crazy.
[Jaiya] You're nervous?
Now I am.
[Jaiya laughs]
She can get excited
with that Wolverine claw.
[Jaiya] Yeah.
All right. Well,
if you don't need anything else,
I think we're ready to get on the table.
[stifled laugh]
Okay.
It's so interesting that the "problems"
that arise in a relationship
are such amazing opportunities.
It's like the universe saying to you,
"Hey, like, knock-knock, you know, you're
not perfect, you have some growing to do."
"You have some learning
to do about yourself."
I once had a therapist that said,
"Your intimate relationship
is a meditation
in everything that's wrong with you."
[laughter]
- I thought it was really...
- That's a very good one.
I can really relate to what you said,
because in our relationship
we've been working
with issues like boundaries
and also different, just, personalities.
I'm more avoidant. Rama's more anxious.
- Should I start?
- Yes, you go ahead.
Okay. My name is Felicitas.
My name is Rama.
I was born in Germany.
So I was born in the Caribbean,
born, um, on the island of Antigua.
My parents, they sent us
to the United States to go to school.
[Felicitas] In 2006, I had just arrived
in upstate New York at Vassar College.
And one of the first girls I met
invited me to her house party,
and in walked Rama.
And I remember saying, "Oh, who's that?"
[Rama] We met in September,
we were married in May.
So, we stayed. We have two children.
We have a daughter,
she's turning 11 this year,
and our son is turning six this summer.
We never really had help from any,
you know, external family members.
So, it was always just us,
and we were buckling down a lot,
and really, our relationship suffered.
And a couple years ago,
it came to a screeching halt
where I decided I can no longer do this.
[Erika] Aw.
We were really close to getting a divorce.
I was the one who initiated.
I felt burnt out by family life,
my responsibilities.
I felt like I'm having
to make most of the decisions.
I didn't feel excited about sex anymore.
It caught me by surprise
because I had blinders on.
From the moment we wake up,
we are at the service to the kids.
Making breakfast, preparing lunch boxes,
getting them dressed for school,
getting them to school,
and then, from there,
we pivot to work mode.
[Felicitas] First things first.
Coffee comes first.
So there's just, uh,
not enough of an environment
that can cultivate intimacy.
From the woman's perspective,
it feels like the guy just wants sex.
And I think from a lot of men,
it is communicated in
a very needy way of, like, expectations.
Like, "This is what I deserve
and this is what you need to give me."
As a woman,
once you have a child to take care of,
your capacity and willingness to take care
of someone else who's an adult diminishes.
The husband does become
like the second or third or fourth child.
For me, that's something I don't want.
I'm giving so much of myself, of my body,
I did not need
any more neediness from anybody.
But we're gonna stick together.
We're gonna figure out what it would take
to make our relationship the center
of this next chapter in our lives.
[soft percussive music playing]
[Michaela] Pretty much everything we want
to do now is get the body ready, right?
To the best of your ability,
get into your worst kind of
"Bad day at work,
kids are super annoying" mood.
- Okay, mood. Okay.
- Mood.
I'm gonna do the totally
overwhelmed Supermom. [laughs]
- Okay, good.
- Yeah.
[Michaela]
That's probably one that he knows. Right?
- Get into that place.
- [Rama] You got it.
- [Michaela] Okay, just look at his face.
- [Felicitas chuckles]
- He's like, "Oh shit!"
- [both laugh]
How I often start out
is what I call diagnostics.
Right? And it's a bit like
you bring your car to the mechanic.
Right? To find out what's working
and what's not working.
So, what happened was,
you went into your thing,
and his whole body had a reaction.
He got that little boy,
"Oh, shit, but I'm gonna do it
because that's what I do, but, oh, no!"
Right? You got all of that.
A lot of my work
goes via the lens of embodiment
because the body is
what we need for sex and relationship.
Before we even
talk about sexual engagement,
if his body isn't ready,
we can't even go to the sexual stuff.
We have to get the body
available and online.
It's very, very useful
to actually see the couple in action
and see their bodies in action,
because what they say is wrong
is hardly ever what is wrong.
So, without talking,
you are going to touch in ways
'til you're actually relaxed, right?
[Felicitas] Be, uh, inventive.
Oh, you feel good.
Good.
[Michaela] There were a few
main strands of discovery, right,
within what Felicitas
and Rama were bringing to me.
Rama, he had very nervous,
anxious body patterns
of kind of pulling away
from the ground, so to speak.
So, meaning, not wanting to feel
certain things is the translation to that.
[Felicitas] You don't need to follow.
[Michaela] But don't say anything.
This is part of
what we're trying to figure out.
[Felicitas] Hmm.
[Michaela] Felicitas had, um,
an observant aspect to her body
where she was like,
"Huh, I don't know," right,
and so that kind of critical aspect
directly hooked into
Rama's criticized little boy dynamic.
But when he then displayed
the criticized little boy,
Felicitas would get quite disgusted
and, of course, more critical,
but also withdrew attention and love.
[Michaela] Good.
So, we'll stop there for a second.
Yeah. [laughs]
[Michaela] When trauma patterns of
rejection, pain, when they enter the body,
the body can freeze.
And at that point, there is no
real connection possible anymore.
And so I realized that I couldn't
actually go into the sexual domain
until their bodies and
their nervous systems were open.
So, what you're gonna do
is take your hands
and move them down the front of his body,
down his thighs, and go down with it...
Okay.
...and then push down
onto his feet and look up.
Now you've gotta look up.
- [laughs]
- [Felicitas] You love that.
[chuckling]
[Michaela]
Yeah, I think you got the basic idea.
- Yes.
- How was that?
- That was great.
- [laughing]
- It was fun.
- [Michaela] Okay, good.
[vocal harmonizing]
[Jaiya] All right.
So, I'm gonna have you undress
as much as you're comfortable
and lay on the table
face down on top of the sheet.
Face down.
[Jaiya] Now, a way to go
a little deeper from the body perspective
is body mapping.
And so this is...
There's a scale of one to five,
five being highly pleasurable or orgasmic,
and one being like,
"Don't like that at all."
How pleasurable is this kind of touch?
Then we can do it within the blueprint.
So, here's an energetic touch,
or here's a sensual touch,
or here's a kinky touch,
and I kind of combine
those things together into a flow
to create, then, a pleasure map.
- We're actually gonna start energetic.
- All right.
So, we're gonna start up here.
And, Erika, just take
a nice, big, deep breath.
Okay, and we're just
gonna kind of pulse a little.
Like, it got warmer.
- Oh, I did feel that.
- You felt that?
A little pocket where it got warmer.
So now you're feeling some energy.
- Yeah.
- [Jaiya] Yay.
Then what I'm gonna have you do, Damon,
is put your hands where mine are,
and then just come in really slowly.
Yeah, like, kind of what
you're doing there, like, feeling her,
and then, eventually,
you're gonna rest your hands.
I'll have you do once,
since she's sensitive there, one right...
Yeah, did you see that?
[laughs softly]
I love that.
[Jaiya] And you're gonna come up her.
- Does that tickle?
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Jaiya laughs]
- [Erika] Oh!
[Jaiya] So, in here is really good.
So, right behind the knee.
Yeah.
This is like genitals here.
[Damon] Yeah.
Had you heard of
the Sexual Blueprint theory before?
I know Jaiya's work
and I really appreciate her work a lot.
- It's pretty interesting.
- It's really interesting.
And it makes a lot of sense
to give people something,
a lens through which you can see yourself.
Did you take the quiz?
I'm energetic and I'm kinky.
So I'm energetic as well,
but it's a really
interesting way to approach it
and to create more acceptance of self.
- Yeah.
- Right?
Particularly in an area
that's so fraught with
odd feelings and shame
and things like that.
[Jaiya] Okay, let's bring out
a couple little pleasure items.
And then we're gonna see
what your pain scale is like
with this particular implement.
[Erika chuckles]
- [Jaiya] So right now, where is it?
- Like four.
Like a four? Okay, she's pretty sensitive.
Mm-hmm.
- Okay, does four feel like the sweet spot?
- No.
[Jaiya]
No. You would like to go higher or lower?
- Higher.
- Higher. Okay, so go a little harder.
[Erika] Maybe a little higher.
Yeah, that's nice. I like that.
How pleasurable is that for you?
It's a workout, like a Shake Weight.
[laughs]
How pleasurable is it?
Uh, I...
For me, pleasure-wise,
it just felt like I work here, you know?
I mean, I'm just
giving her the pleasure. Yeah.
So, right now, that's not crossing over
to, like, a lot of pleasure for you.
Yeah. So, we'll keep playing with that.
[Jaiya] For Damon,
his turn-on lies in her turn-on.
So, while the implement
may not be doing it for him,
her turn-on is the thing
that can do it for him.
We can play with a little bit of kink.
Our culture teaches us
it's not okay to not know about sex
or to know exactly what to do.
You can take anything furry, right?
- And you can add something that vibrates.
- [Erika] Oh.
[vibrating]
[Erika chuckles] That's nice.
[Jaiya] And so, it was so brave of Damon
to come in and be willing to learn,
and to let that wall down.
To go, "I love her
and I'm going to hear now."
"I'm gonna open up
to hear now what she's been saying."
That's pretty hot. [laughs]
But part of that
is just giving him some comfort,
that this is okay to play with.
All right, we're gonna play with these,
'cause I know they were exciting.
[laughs]
[Jaiya] They're... You peeked. Okay, so...
[Erika] You okay back there, Damon?
[Jaiya] We're just gonna test...
On a scale of one to five,
how pleasurable is that?
- A four.
- [Jaiya] Four.
Okay.
And this is going to be B.
So what you're gonna do is just drip this.
And we're gonna drip it,
kind of like butt-cracky area, okay?
So you're just gonna drip it down slowly...
Man, that's kinky.
[Jaiya laughs]
[Damon and Erika chuckle]
I actually kinda like that. [giggles]
I bet you did.
You should see it from here.
Just gonna drip it
down slowly, slowly, slowly.
When you think about
someone with a sexual struggle,
my mind goes to chemistry
or, you know,
are you well suited for each other?
What most people don't understand is that
relationship and sex
is actually a skill set.
- Right.
- Right?
And so, if you and I would go and
learn how to, I don't know, play golf?
[laughs] You know?
- Talk about sexy.
- Sexy. Yeah.
So, we would have to have tools and then
we would have to learn proper form.
Right. It's kind of such a simple solve.
Yes. But then, so,
for instance, Felicitas and Rama,
they had a very good relationship that
they had rebuilt from almost separation.
- Right.
- But the spark was totally gone.
Right.
And so, there's a difference between
what makes a relationship good
and what makes sex good.
What we're going to do
is a fact-finding mission,
because you do clearly have
great love and respect for each other,
but we're gonna have
to work on the sexy factor a bit.
[all laugh]
I get it. That's why we're here.
That's why we're here.
Okay, what would you say
is his strongest contribution
or strongest gift in your relational,
romantic sexual relationship?
I think his commitment to me.
[Michaela] Aw.
Yes, that is his strongest contribution.
What is her greatest gift to you?
The things you like about her.
Okay.
So, what I like about you...
is... is your...
You have a very strong sense
of right and wrong.
You are very, uh, committed to
being in the right.
Um...
You...
I appreciate, uh, how much energy
you put into wellness
and sustaining our family,
in terms of the decisions that
you make around diet and lifestyle.
You look after our best interests.
I appreciate that.
I very much enjoy your partnership.
And...
Because it makes his life so much better.
- Because...
- I'm joking.
Oh yeah, it makes my life so much better.
- That's true.
- [Felicitas laughs]
Um, tell him a little bit about what it
felt like for him to say those things.
[Felicitas] Mm-hmm.
I didn't feel very seen
in a lot of those things,
because I felt like they were,
like, my contributions to the family.
I think I was hoping
for you to say something
that wouldn't even necessarily,
like, affect you, do you understand that?
Like, that would have been more about,
"Oh, this is, like, my essence,"
or "I love how you love books."
Uh, right? [laughs]
- But... Okay.
- [Michaela] Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's why...
- There's nothing wrong or right here.
- Right. Yes.
I think this is perfect for,
um, kind of, unfolding the dynamic of
how we're gonna get you really connected.
You have a very specific dynamic.
You pat him on the back
and then you criticize him, right?
And he has this little,
"I'm going to please you, Mommy" thing
and then he has some resentment.
So, that's your dynamic
that we want to break sexually.
- Yes.
- Right.
So I kind of want to upgrade
the operating system a bit.
[all laughing]
And the simplest way to do that
is to give those patterns a different name
so you can access them easily.
So that when you want to be
in that more romantic space,
you can access
a different set of conversation.
Yes. Mm-hmm.
- So. Does that make sense?
- [Rama] Yes.
- It does.
- Okay.
So we're gonna give that woman a name.
[Rama] Mm-hmm.
So, what we're gonna call
the mean schedule, the general,
just because then
we all know what that means.
What's the part that you love
so much when it comes out?
What is that part called?
- Generally...
- Yeah?
- ...I refer to her as Feli.
- [Michaela] Yeah.
- Feli. Felicitas is her full name.
- [Michaela] Yes.
Okay. So we've got... I call her Feli.
That was the general name.
- [Michaela] She likes that?
- Yeah.
When I am feeling
very loving in that way,
I call her Felicitas.
So, if I was to give her
a non-general name,
it might be Felicitas, in fact.
- [Felicitas] Ooh.
- [Rama] Felicitas.
- I like that.
- [Michaela] Like that?
Yeah, I do like that.
[Michaela] A-ha.
Okay. See?
And what do you call him
in his regular life?
- Rama.
- Rama. Right.
- So, Rama has a certain personality.
- [laughs]
This is Rama.
So, we're gonna give him a different name,
too, for the sexual occasion.
My parents gave me the name
Ramayana as the middle name.
They always referred to me as Rama.
- Rama is a god.
- Of course. A god. Yes.
- Yes, the Ramayana is the story.
- The... Is the story.
So my name is not the story of Rama,
I am Rama.
- [Michaela] Yes.
- The king warrior.
What you're really saying is,
"I want to be the king..."
[Felicitas] Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. Right.
- "...of this particular kingdom."
- Right.
- Right?
- That's right.
- Yeah.
Okay, look at her now.
[Felicitas] I like that.
[laughs]
[Rama chuckles]
[Michaela] Now we can start.
[both laugh]
[sultry music playing]
[Jaiya] I have blindfolds here.
Uh-oh. Halle Berry in Catwoman.
- [all laugh]
- Right?
[Jaiya] I'm gonna invite you
to play with this energetic touch,
just, like, her inner thighs,
you know, anywhere there's skin exposed.
You can start to play
and dance on her body a little.
I'm just gonna give you
a little, like, free space to just play.
[sensual music playing]
Uh-huh. That's good.
That tickles.
[Jaiya chuckles]
Hey, baby.
It's making me wanna touch him back.
- Uh-huh, a good sign. Did you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
"It's making me want to touch him back."
Erika and Damon felt like
they were mismatched sexually.
Her blueprint quiz
turned out that she was kinky.
- Mm-hmm. And he was low on kinky, right?
- He was very low on kinky.
If people have fantasies or they're,
you know, they like certain kinks,
where does the resistance
come from the partner?
Are they threatened by it?
Do they think it's off-putting?
- Sometimes it's just unfamiliar.
- Okay.
Because a lot of people assume
that sexual compatibility means
that you both like
exactly the same things.
Right.
There's a whole level of education
which I think is always worth mentioning.
In general, kinky doesn't
necessarily mean whips and chains.
- Right.
- It just means surprise, adventure.
Maybe a little bit stronger touch,
but also being led,
you know, where you kind of
can leave your head behind a bit.
We're going to play
another little kinky game...
Mm-hmm.
...that I think you might like.
So, this game is called Pretty Poses.
And your job is to boss her around, okay?
But it's like you're gonna pretend
like you're a photographer,
and you're looking
for the most beautiful poses.
- Got it.
- So your artist gets to come out again.
Okay.
I'm just gonna start it off,
and then you can kind of come in and play.
[Damon] Okay.
I want you to lower your left leg slowly.
Yes. Yes.
And then take your other knee
and start to raise it as far as you can.
I'm going to give you
a little slack with that.
Yes, right there.
And now arch your back. Yes.
Good. Beautiful.
Now, take one of your hands,
and then just very slowly,
you can touch anywhere on your body
that you want to touch
with one of your hands.
Just very slow. Slow. Slow.
Yes, beautiful.
It's something out of a movie.
- It is.
- Yeah.
Slow. Slow.
Feel your own body.
- Yes. Beautiful.
- [Damon] Oh!
[all laugh]
[Damon] Don't stop what you're doing.
Stretch your right hand
above your head as far as you can take it.
Now start moving
your left hand down your left leg.
And feel it.
[Jaiya] Beautiful.
I love the word "innovation."
Couples who innovate last.
The beautiful thing in the superpower
of the kinky is similar to an energetic.
They could orgasm from something like
the psychology or the game of the play,
as opposed to, like,
having to have their genitals stimulated
the whole time like the sexual.
So, there's all this spaciousness
to their creativity.
And what I find beautiful
about the kinky is
you can play in it
for the rest of your life
and never have explored
all there is to explore.
It is gorgeous. You are gorgeous.
[Damon] Completely gorgeous.
[Jaiya]
Okay, you have permission to speak.
On a scale of one to five,
how pleasurable is this game?
Five.
- Five.
- [chuckles]
So, was that fun for you?
- Sure.
- This is also kinky.
Yeah.
I think it's just also
really helping me get out of my head.
Like, it's really engaging and enjoyable
and feels like we're participating
in something more than just...
you know, intercourse.
[Jaiya] Mm-hmm. Beautiful.
I've been waiting for us
to try something like this,
and this made me realize that,
like, for six years, we haven't been
exploring our sexuality together.
You know, coming from our past experiences
and expecting the other one to catch on.
Her whole body is a wonderland
of pleasure and orgasmic pleasure.
[Damon] Mmm.
Not just her genitals.
You can see that.
Her body, like, twitching or this or that.
Like, it feels really good.
I really learned that she's not
as sexually conservative as I thought.
And that's exciting
for me to a point, because
I'm not kinky, but this kink, I liked it.
So, now I'm like...
I'm just...
[laughs]
Forty-five years old,
learning something new.
[laughs]
Your blueprint is energetic,
and I think you're more
like a psychological kinky
than of the sensation or, like,
spanking or, like, those kinds of things.
They add to it,
but I think yours is more of the game
of "helping me get out of my head."
And kink actually is
helping you get out of your head.
So, those are the main things
for you to just ground in here,
is, like, you're not broken.
There's nothing broken.
What's interesting is that
Damon has had this story
about Erika not being as sexual,
but I think that the more permission
and air he gives her to be sexual,
she is gonna flower and blossom
into something that he's going to be like,
"Whoa," and holding onto
the reins of where that's gonna go.
'Cause it's going
to really blossom and fully flower
and, you know, he's gonna have
a hard time matching it, I think.
And now it's your turn. [laughs]
Yeah.
My blueprint says that I am very sexual,
but it also says that I'm very not kinky.
Yeah.
[interviewer] Are you nervous
to get on the table next?
Yeah, I'm nervous
to get on the table next.
I don't know what's gonna happen.
["Marimba Chant" playing]
[Gwyneth Paltrow] If you're watching this,
you probably have a pretty good idea
what this series is about.
- We're having sex, it's a show about sex...
- [all laughing]
...we're gonna talk about sex.
Hello.
- [soaring music playing]
- [Gwyneth] I founded goop 13 years ago
to unearth cutting-edge ideas that
could really help us optimize our lives.
We thought it was about time that
we take this approach to sex and intimacy.
Don't resist. Allow it to come through.
You have total permission
to have an erection.
Oh.
We found some
extraordinarily brave volunteers...
[woman]
My mom was a Jehovah's Witness.
They love lesbians.
- [all laugh]
- Yeah, they're huge fans.
[Gwyneth] ...willing to reveal
what we normally keep hidden.
Each couple was matched
with a phenomenal practitioner.
So, people come to me sometimes
because they want to learn how to squirt.
- That's the whole clitoris.
- [man] Hmm.
What is sexological bodywork?
- Would you like me to go further?
- Yeah.
I bet you didn't know you could have
energetic orgasms, did you?
[woman 1] Would you do that?
- Yeah. I think I might.
- Yeah.
I enlisted my friend and intimacy expert,
Michaela Boehm.
We've been in tantra positions
pretty close together.
Oh, yes.
Ah! I feel so much better.
We're gonna have
to work on the sexy factor a bit.
[woman 2] Right there's the sweet spot.
[moans]
- Man, that's kinky.
- [woman 3] This is great.
[man howling softly]
- [groans]
- [moans]
Oh, my God. What just happened to me?
It's probably gonna be
a little embarrassing and weird.
Oh, man. No pressure.
- Okay.
- [all laughing]
Do you want me to put on
the Iron Man suit? Would that relax you?
[all laughing]
So, how are you all feeling about this?
- Excited.
- [Gwyneth] Yeah?
- Curious.
- Nervous.
- A little nervous?
- [participants giggle]
What's the... What's the nervous part?
I think that we don't know
what's coming, necessarily.
- We don't either.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
Yeah, I feel, like, down,
like, ready to do this.
I feel... a little bit old.
- Just...
- [all laughing]
Like the grandmother I am. [laughs]
I feel vulnerable too.
You guys are showing an incredible amount
of bravery and courageousness because,
you know,
this is a particularly vulnerable subject.
It's not only, uh,
just an incredible bravery
for you to show up with each other,
we'll discuss things that
you might have never said to your partner,
and that's really, really wild
when that happens in a relationship.
It's really great that you guys did this,
and we're excited to be a part of this.
Hi, I'm Damon.
And I'm Erika.
And we've been together
for about six years.
Six years.
The first time I saw her,
I think I fell in love with her.
I'm an artist by trade.
When I met her, I was drawing
caricatures out by the beach,
and when I saw her, I literally said,
"Yeah, she looks like
she could be my wife."
[Damon] You know I love you.
Will you marry me?
[Erika] Yeah. I do.
[Damon] You do?
[Erika laughing] Are you crazy?
If I'm completely honest, I think
the number-one thing we have is love,
because communication
is not there a lot of times. [chuckles]
Like, we get frustrated with each other
and, like, argue and fight.
- We have the...
- [stabbing sounds]
We have the dumbest fights.
[interviewer] Do you fight about sex?
We have.
- Yeah. Definitely.
- Yeah.
I'm more experienced than she is.
Sexually, I feel she's very conservative.
[Erika]
Sexually, we're very different people.
That's been a frustrating thing.
So is it fundamentally
a communication issue?
Or it's like a mismatch in sexuality?
How would you characterize it?
I think it's more of
a communication thing than sexuality.
I feel, uh,
once we start having sex, you know...
- It's okay. We're having sex!
- [all laughing]
It's a show about sex.
We're gonna talk about sex.
When I was a kid,
the worst part about going to school
was getting up to go to school.
Once I was at school, everything's good.
- [woman] Great.
- [all laughing]
See, I like to go to school, so...
[all laughing]
Which is like how we are, basically.
We are very different when it comes to,
like, the way we want the other one to be.
I like music and I like sensual,
and he's kind of like...
[giggles]
I like R&B.
- I like soul.
- No, I'm not talking about music.
What? Look...
He'll very much just be like,
"I'm horny. Like, aren't you?"
And for me I'm like,
"Wait. I was just washing dishes." Like...
[Damon] And for me,
I think as a guy, it's way easier.
She turns me on.
I mean,
it's as simple as that, she turns me on.
When she walks around the house,
that's enough to turn me on. But...
I need stimulation more than just, like,
penetration, basically is the point, like...
I've had a penetration orgasm
twice in my entire life.
[Damon] It's hard because
I want her to really enjoy it.
I mean, who else would you want
to please more than anybody else?
So one of the things
that's amazing in this here is
the people you have access to
and how they've been vetted
and what they're about
and how cutting-edge they are.
You're paired up
with a really, really good practitioner.
I think it's gonna be
a really interesting journey.
[upbeat vocalizing]
My name is Jaiya, and I help
couples to have hot, juicy sex lives
by learning more about their sexuality,
and I'm the founder
of the Erotic Blueprints
and the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough.
People are wired differently
when it comes to their eroticism.
So Erotic Blueprints are
a language to help people understand
more about who they are as erotic beings.
I love that we are here
doing this on camera,
and the reason why I love it is because
I know that if one person viewing this,
it changes their erotic lives,
it's worth it.
[soft percussive music playing]
I love this water.
Oh, check out that statue.
[Erika] Wow, that's beautiful.
[Damon] Wow.
[Jaiya] So, here we are.
[Erika] Here we are.
Here we are.
We're here now to help the two of you,
and so there's
orgasmic pleasure on the plate.
One of the things I wanted to set up
as we talk about your pleasure and orgasm
is that there's no pressure here.
So there's no pressure for you to perform
or have an orgasm or any of that.
The journey is
what I would like to focus on.
So there's five
different Erotic Blueprints,
and the first one is energetic.
And an energetic is someone
who's turned on by anticipation.
They like to have yearning, longing.
So then there's the sensual,
and a sensual is someone who's turned on
by all of their senses being ignited.
That's the senses of smell, taste,
sight, touch, all of that being ignited.
The sexual is someone who's turned on
by what we think of as sex in our culture.
So, intercourse, orgasms, penetration,
genitals, nudity. Those kinds of things.
The kinky is turned on
by whatever's taboo.
So whatever is taboo
for you becomes the turn-on,
and that could be psychological
or it can be more sensation-based.
And then the shapeshifter.
The shapeshifter is someone
who's turned on by all of it.
So it's the whole smorgasbord.
Nothing is ever too much.
So the both of you have taken
the Erotic Blueprints quiz.
The online quiz tells you what's happening
pretty much from
a mental standpoint of each blueprint.
- [Damon] Yeah.
- And I have your quiz results.
So, what's really interesting
when I'm looking at couples' blueprints
is oftentimes they're opposites.
So they'll have, like, their highest one
is their partner's lowest one.
So, what I thought was most interesting
was your lowest, so I'm gonna start there.
So, in terms of sexual
was your lowest blueprint,
and you were 12.9% sexual.
Damon, your lowest was kinky, 5% kinky.
[laughs]
- But your highest, Damon, is sexual.
- All right.
So when I talk about you speaking
different languages, this is what I mean.
You speak sexual.
With my own partner,
I'm highest in sexual,
so my highest percentage
was sexual on my test as well.
When I would initiate sex with my partner,
I would touch his genitals and be like...
Like, in the car or randomly,
those kinds of things,
and he'd look at me like,
"What are you doing?"
- "I'm trying to drive."
- [Erika] Right.
"I'm trying to do the dishes,
or I'm trying to do other things."
"What is this?" And it feels like
it's coming out of left field.
So, what's interesting, Erika, is
I thought for sure, just talking to you,
that you would be highest in sensual.
- Okay.
- That'd be your highest blueprint.
But you're actually highest in energetic.
Huh.
What's fascinating is
that right under your energetic,
almost the same percentage,
is kinky.
Okay. [giggles]
So you have, like,
energetic and kinky at the top,
and your kinky is the lowest.
Oh, wow.
[Damon chuckles] Energetic kinky.
[women chuckle]
And the picture
that puts in my mind is crazy.
- [Erika giggles]
- What's the picture?
I mean, somebody jumping
and running around, you know...
- "Ah!"
- [laughing]
You know, with the whips and leather, and,
like, "You're not done!
You're not done!"
[laughing]
I think one of the really important things
here is that we'll redefine kink for you,
for you both, like, what that means,
'cause it doesn't have to mean gags.
And then the energetic piece
isn't about, like,
"I have all this energy
and I'm running around."
[laughs] It's about...
It's about creating...
So, do this right now.
So, if you took your arm and
you just put your hand over your arm,
and then just feel.
Like, can you feel heat?
Can you feel, like,
the hairs on your arm like that?
- That... That's energetic.
- [Damon] Yeah.
It's touching somebody
before you're touching them,
Yeah.
It's playing in the energy
of a person's body, not just the physical.
Okay, so I'm gonna bring out some items...
[Erika] Okay.
...that we will be using for sensation play,
or to play in the kinky realm.
- We gotta get one of these for the house.
- [Jaiya] Okay. All right. Handcuffs.
Have you been handcuffed before?
No. [titters]
That looks like a Pokémon tail, so...
[laughing]
- Pokémon tails can stay?
- Yeah.
"Okay," is what I'm hearing.
This is a wok cleaner,
but the way that it's used is kind of
like this for a little bit of sensation.
Okay, I wanna check in
'cause you mentioned chains.
- [laughs]
- The way this is used is not as impact.
Is that a metal flog?
It's... It's to feel, like,
the way this drips and the temperature.
- There's no impact with this item.
- Okay, cool.
All right, and then, like, nipple, um...
- Oh!
- ...clamps?
Is this something...
His nipples are sensitive.
- My nipples are sensitive.
- [Jaiya] Not your nipples, your nipples.
Although that could be interesting.
[laughs]
- I love hearing your blueprints talk.
- [Damon] You first then.
These are, like, my Wolverine claws.
[Damon] Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, that's kinda hot.
- [Jaiya] It's hot.
[women laughing]
- I don't know why, but that is.
- What is it with women and knives, man?
[Jaiya] I won't break the skin
or anything with them.
It's mostly just for,
like, the interest of the sensation.
[laughing]
This is crazy, man. This is so crazy.
[Jaiya] You're nervous?
Now I am.
[Jaiya laughs]
She can get excited
with that Wolverine claw.
[Jaiya] Yeah.
All right. Well,
if you don't need anything else,
I think we're ready to get on the table.
[stifled laugh]
Okay.
It's so interesting that the "problems"
that arise in a relationship
are such amazing opportunities.
It's like the universe saying to you,
"Hey, like, knock-knock, you know, you're
not perfect, you have some growing to do."
"You have some learning
to do about yourself."
I once had a therapist that said,
"Your intimate relationship
is a meditation
in everything that's wrong with you."
[laughter]
- I thought it was really...
- That's a very good one.
I can really relate to what you said,
because in our relationship
we've been working
with issues like boundaries
and also different, just, personalities.
I'm more avoidant. Rama's more anxious.
- Should I start?
- Yes, you go ahead.
Okay. My name is Felicitas.
My name is Rama.
I was born in Germany.
So I was born in the Caribbean,
born, um, on the island of Antigua.
My parents, they sent us
to the United States to go to school.
[Felicitas] In 2006, I had just arrived
in upstate New York at Vassar College.
And one of the first girls I met
invited me to her house party,
and in walked Rama.
And I remember saying, "Oh, who's that?"
[Rama] We met in September,
we were married in May.
So, we stayed. We have two children.
We have a daughter,
she's turning 11 this year,
and our son is turning six this summer.
We never really had help from any,
you know, external family members.
So, it was always just us,
and we were buckling down a lot,
and really, our relationship suffered.
And a couple years ago,
it came to a screeching halt
where I decided I can no longer do this.
[Erika] Aw.
We were really close to getting a divorce.
I was the one who initiated.
I felt burnt out by family life,
my responsibilities.
I felt like I'm having
to make most of the decisions.
I didn't feel excited about sex anymore.
It caught me by surprise
because I had blinders on.
From the moment we wake up,
we are at the service to the kids.
Making breakfast, preparing lunch boxes,
getting them dressed for school,
getting them to school,
and then, from there,
we pivot to work mode.
[Felicitas] First things first.
Coffee comes first.
So there's just, uh,
not enough of an environment
that can cultivate intimacy.
From the woman's perspective,
it feels like the guy just wants sex.
And I think from a lot of men,
it is communicated in
a very needy way of, like, expectations.
Like, "This is what I deserve
and this is what you need to give me."
As a woman,
once you have a child to take care of,
your capacity and willingness to take care
of someone else who's an adult diminishes.
The husband does become
like the second or third or fourth child.
For me, that's something I don't want.
I'm giving so much of myself, of my body,
I did not need
any more neediness from anybody.
But we're gonna stick together.
We're gonna figure out what it would take
to make our relationship the center
of this next chapter in our lives.
[soft percussive music playing]
[Michaela] Pretty much everything we want
to do now is get the body ready, right?
To the best of your ability,
get into your worst kind of
"Bad day at work,
kids are super annoying" mood.
- Okay, mood. Okay.
- Mood.
I'm gonna do the totally
overwhelmed Supermom. [laughs]
- Okay, good.
- Yeah.
[Michaela]
That's probably one that he knows. Right?
- Get into that place.
- [Rama] You got it.
- [Michaela] Okay, just look at his face.
- [Felicitas chuckles]
- He's like, "Oh shit!"
- [both laugh]
How I often start out
is what I call diagnostics.
Right? And it's a bit like
you bring your car to the mechanic.
Right? To find out what's working
and what's not working.
So, what happened was,
you went into your thing,
and his whole body had a reaction.
He got that little boy,
"Oh, shit, but I'm gonna do it
because that's what I do, but, oh, no!"
Right? You got all of that.
A lot of my work
goes via the lens of embodiment
because the body is
what we need for sex and relationship.
Before we even
talk about sexual engagement,
if his body isn't ready,
we can't even go to the sexual stuff.
We have to get the body
available and online.
It's very, very useful
to actually see the couple in action
and see their bodies in action,
because what they say is wrong
is hardly ever what is wrong.
So, without talking,
you are going to touch in ways
'til you're actually relaxed, right?
[Felicitas] Be, uh, inventive.
Oh, you feel good.
Good.
[Michaela] There were a few
main strands of discovery, right,
within what Felicitas
and Rama were bringing to me.
Rama, he had very nervous,
anxious body patterns
of kind of pulling away
from the ground, so to speak.
So, meaning, not wanting to feel
certain things is the translation to that.
[Felicitas] You don't need to follow.
[Michaela] But don't say anything.
This is part of
what we're trying to figure out.
[Felicitas] Hmm.
[Michaela] Felicitas had, um,
an observant aspect to her body
where she was like,
"Huh, I don't know," right,
and so that kind of critical aspect
directly hooked into
Rama's criticized little boy dynamic.
But when he then displayed
the criticized little boy,
Felicitas would get quite disgusted
and, of course, more critical,
but also withdrew attention and love.
[Michaela] Good.
So, we'll stop there for a second.
Yeah. [laughs]
[Michaela] When trauma patterns of
rejection, pain, when they enter the body,
the body can freeze.
And at that point, there is no
real connection possible anymore.
And so I realized that I couldn't
actually go into the sexual domain
until their bodies and
their nervous systems were open.
So, what you're gonna do
is take your hands
and move them down the front of his body,
down his thighs, and go down with it...
Okay.
...and then push down
onto his feet and look up.
Now you've gotta look up.
- [laughs]
- [Felicitas] You love that.
[chuckling]
[Michaela]
Yeah, I think you got the basic idea.
- Yes.
- How was that?
- That was great.
- [laughing]
- It was fun.
- [Michaela] Okay, good.
[vocal harmonizing]
[Jaiya] All right.
So, I'm gonna have you undress
as much as you're comfortable
and lay on the table
face down on top of the sheet.
Face down.
[Jaiya] Now, a way to go
a little deeper from the body perspective
is body mapping.
And so this is...
There's a scale of one to five,
five being highly pleasurable or orgasmic,
and one being like,
"Don't like that at all."
How pleasurable is this kind of touch?
Then we can do it within the blueprint.
So, here's an energetic touch,
or here's a sensual touch,
or here's a kinky touch,
and I kind of combine
those things together into a flow
to create, then, a pleasure map.
- We're actually gonna start energetic.
- All right.
So, we're gonna start up here.
And, Erika, just take
a nice, big, deep breath.
Okay, and we're just
gonna kind of pulse a little.
Like, it got warmer.
- Oh, I did feel that.
- You felt that?
A little pocket where it got warmer.
So now you're feeling some energy.
- Yeah.
- [Jaiya] Yay.
Then what I'm gonna have you do, Damon,
is put your hands where mine are,
and then just come in really slowly.
Yeah, like, kind of what
you're doing there, like, feeling her,
and then, eventually,
you're gonna rest your hands.
I'll have you do once,
since she's sensitive there, one right...
Yeah, did you see that?
[laughs softly]
I love that.
[Jaiya] And you're gonna come up her.
- Does that tickle?
- [Erika] Yeah.
- [Jaiya laughs]
- [Erika] Oh!
[Jaiya] So, in here is really good.
So, right behind the knee.
Yeah.
This is like genitals here.
[Damon] Yeah.
Had you heard of
the Sexual Blueprint theory before?
I know Jaiya's work
and I really appreciate her work a lot.
- It's pretty interesting.
- It's really interesting.
And it makes a lot of sense
to give people something,
a lens through which you can see yourself.
Did you take the quiz?
I'm energetic and I'm kinky.
So I'm energetic as well,
but it's a really
interesting way to approach it
and to create more acceptance of self.
- Yeah.
- Right?
Particularly in an area
that's so fraught with
odd feelings and shame
and things like that.
[Jaiya] Okay, let's bring out
a couple little pleasure items.
And then we're gonna see
what your pain scale is like
with this particular implement.
[Erika chuckles]
- [Jaiya] So right now, where is it?
- Like four.
Like a four? Okay, she's pretty sensitive.
Mm-hmm.
- Okay, does four feel like the sweet spot?
- No.
[Jaiya]
No. You would like to go higher or lower?
- Higher.
- Higher. Okay, so go a little harder.
[Erika] Maybe a little higher.
Yeah, that's nice. I like that.
How pleasurable is that for you?
It's a workout, like a Shake Weight.
[laughs]
How pleasurable is it?
Uh, I...
For me, pleasure-wise,
it just felt like I work here, you know?
I mean, I'm just
giving her the pleasure. Yeah.
So, right now, that's not crossing over
to, like, a lot of pleasure for you.
Yeah. So, we'll keep playing with that.
[Jaiya] For Damon,
his turn-on lies in her turn-on.
So, while the implement
may not be doing it for him,
her turn-on is the thing
that can do it for him.
We can play with a little bit of kink.
Our culture teaches us
it's not okay to not know about sex
or to know exactly what to do.
You can take anything furry, right?
- And you can add something that vibrates.
- [Erika] Oh.
[vibrating]
[Erika chuckles] That's nice.
[Jaiya] And so, it was so brave of Damon
to come in and be willing to learn,
and to let that wall down.
To go, "I love her
and I'm going to hear now."
"I'm gonna open up
to hear now what she's been saying."
That's pretty hot. [laughs]
But part of that
is just giving him some comfort,
that this is okay to play with.
All right, we're gonna play with these,
'cause I know they were exciting.
[laughs]
[Jaiya] They're... You peeked. Okay, so...
[Erika] You okay back there, Damon?
[Jaiya] We're just gonna test...
On a scale of one to five,
how pleasurable is that?
- A four.
- [Jaiya] Four.
Okay.
And this is going to be B.
So what you're gonna do is just drip this.
And we're gonna drip it,
kind of like butt-cracky area, okay?
So you're just gonna drip it down slowly...
Man, that's kinky.
[Jaiya laughs]
[Damon and Erika chuckle]
I actually kinda like that. [giggles]
I bet you did.
You should see it from here.
Just gonna drip it
down slowly, slowly, slowly.
When you think about
someone with a sexual struggle,
my mind goes to chemistry
or, you know,
are you well suited for each other?
What most people don't understand is that
relationship and sex
is actually a skill set.
- Right.
- Right?
And so, if you and I would go and
learn how to, I don't know, play golf?
[laughs] You know?
- Talk about sexy.
- Sexy. Yeah.
So, we would have to have tools and then
we would have to learn proper form.
Right. It's kind of such a simple solve.
Yes. But then, so,
for instance, Felicitas and Rama,
they had a very good relationship that
they had rebuilt from almost separation.
- Right.
- But the spark was totally gone.
Right.
And so, there's a difference between
what makes a relationship good
and what makes sex good.
What we're going to do
is a fact-finding mission,
because you do clearly have
great love and respect for each other,
but we're gonna have
to work on the sexy factor a bit.
[all laugh]
I get it. That's why we're here.
That's why we're here.
Okay, what would you say
is his strongest contribution
or strongest gift in your relational,
romantic sexual relationship?
I think his commitment to me.
[Michaela] Aw.
Yes, that is his strongest contribution.
What is her greatest gift to you?
The things you like about her.
Okay.
So, what I like about you...
is... is your...
You have a very strong sense
of right and wrong.
You are very, uh, committed to
being in the right.
Um...
You...
I appreciate, uh, how much energy
you put into wellness
and sustaining our family,
in terms of the decisions that
you make around diet and lifestyle.
You look after our best interests.
I appreciate that.
I very much enjoy your partnership.
And...
Because it makes his life so much better.
- Because...
- I'm joking.
Oh yeah, it makes my life so much better.
- That's true.
- [Felicitas laughs]
Um, tell him a little bit about what it
felt like for him to say those things.
[Felicitas] Mm-hmm.
I didn't feel very seen
in a lot of those things,
because I felt like they were,
like, my contributions to the family.
I think I was hoping
for you to say something
that wouldn't even necessarily,
like, affect you, do you understand that?
Like, that would have been more about,
"Oh, this is, like, my essence,"
or "I love how you love books."
Uh, right? [laughs]
- But... Okay.
- [Michaela] Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's why...
- There's nothing wrong or right here.
- Right. Yes.
I think this is perfect for,
um, kind of, unfolding the dynamic of
how we're gonna get you really connected.
You have a very specific dynamic.
You pat him on the back
and then you criticize him, right?
And he has this little,
"I'm going to please you, Mommy" thing
and then he has some resentment.
So, that's your dynamic
that we want to break sexually.
- Yes.
- Right.
So I kind of want to upgrade
the operating system a bit.
[all laughing]
And the simplest way to do that
is to give those patterns a different name
so you can access them easily.
So that when you want to be
in that more romantic space,
you can access
a different set of conversation.
Yes. Mm-hmm.
- So. Does that make sense?
- [Rama] Yes.
- It does.
- Okay.
So we're gonna give that woman a name.
[Rama] Mm-hmm.
So, what we're gonna call
the mean schedule, the general,
just because then
we all know what that means.
What's the part that you love
so much when it comes out?
What is that part called?
- Generally...
- Yeah?
- ...I refer to her as Feli.
- [Michaela] Yeah.
- Feli. Felicitas is her full name.
- [Michaela] Yes.
Okay. So we've got... I call her Feli.
That was the general name.
- [Michaela] She likes that?
- Yeah.
When I am feeling
very loving in that way,
I call her Felicitas.
So, if I was to give her
a non-general name,
it might be Felicitas, in fact.
- [Felicitas] Ooh.
- [Rama] Felicitas.
- I like that.
- [Michaela] Like that?
Yeah, I do like that.
[Michaela] A-ha.
Okay. See?
And what do you call him
in his regular life?
- Rama.
- Rama. Right.
- So, Rama has a certain personality.
- [laughs]
This is Rama.
So, we're gonna give him a different name,
too, for the sexual occasion.
My parents gave me the name
Ramayana as the middle name.
They always referred to me as Rama.
- Rama is a god.
- Of course. A god. Yes.
- Yes, the Ramayana is the story.
- The... Is the story.
So my name is not the story of Rama,
I am Rama.
- [Michaela] Yes.
- The king warrior.
What you're really saying is,
"I want to be the king..."
[Felicitas] Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. Right.
- "...of this particular kingdom."
- Right.
- Right?
- That's right.
- Yeah.
Okay, look at her now.
[Felicitas] I like that.
[laughs]
[Rama chuckles]
[Michaela] Now we can start.
[both laugh]
[sultry music playing]
[Jaiya] I have blindfolds here.
Uh-oh. Halle Berry in Catwoman.
- [all laugh]
- Right?
[Jaiya] I'm gonna invite you
to play with this energetic touch,
just, like, her inner thighs,
you know, anywhere there's skin exposed.
You can start to play
and dance on her body a little.
I'm just gonna give you
a little, like, free space to just play.
[sensual music playing]
Uh-huh. That's good.
That tickles.
[Jaiya chuckles]
Hey, baby.
It's making me wanna touch him back.
- Uh-huh, a good sign. Did you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
"It's making me want to touch him back."
Erika and Damon felt like
they were mismatched sexually.
Her blueprint quiz
turned out that she was kinky.
- Mm-hmm. And he was low on kinky, right?
- He was very low on kinky.
If people have fantasies or they're,
you know, they like certain kinks,
where does the resistance
come from the partner?
Are they threatened by it?
Do they think it's off-putting?
- Sometimes it's just unfamiliar.
- Okay.
Because a lot of people assume
that sexual compatibility means
that you both like
exactly the same things.
Right.
There's a whole level of education
which I think is always worth mentioning.
In general, kinky doesn't
necessarily mean whips and chains.
- Right.
- It just means surprise, adventure.
Maybe a little bit stronger touch,
but also being led,
you know, where you kind of
can leave your head behind a bit.
We're going to play
another little kinky game...
Mm-hmm.
...that I think you might like.
So, this game is called Pretty Poses.
And your job is to boss her around, okay?
But it's like you're gonna pretend
like you're a photographer,
and you're looking
for the most beautiful poses.
- Got it.
- So your artist gets to come out again.
Okay.
I'm just gonna start it off,
and then you can kind of come in and play.
[Damon] Okay.
I want you to lower your left leg slowly.
Yes. Yes.
And then take your other knee
and start to raise it as far as you can.
I'm going to give you
a little slack with that.
Yes, right there.
And now arch your back. Yes.
Good. Beautiful.
Now, take one of your hands,
and then just very slowly,
you can touch anywhere on your body
that you want to touch
with one of your hands.
Just very slow. Slow. Slow.
Yes, beautiful.
It's something out of a movie.
- It is.
- Yeah.
Slow. Slow.
Feel your own body.
- Yes. Beautiful.
- [Damon] Oh!
[all laugh]
[Damon] Don't stop what you're doing.
Stretch your right hand
above your head as far as you can take it.
Now start moving
your left hand down your left leg.
And feel it.
[Jaiya] Beautiful.
I love the word "innovation."
Couples who innovate last.
The beautiful thing in the superpower
of the kinky is similar to an energetic.
They could orgasm from something like
the psychology or the game of the play,
as opposed to, like,
having to have their genitals stimulated
the whole time like the sexual.
So, there's all this spaciousness
to their creativity.
And what I find beautiful
about the kinky is
you can play in it
for the rest of your life
and never have explored
all there is to explore.
It is gorgeous. You are gorgeous.
[Damon] Completely gorgeous.
[Jaiya]
Okay, you have permission to speak.
On a scale of one to five,
how pleasurable is this game?
Five.
- Five.
- [chuckles]
So, was that fun for you?
- Sure.
- This is also kinky.
Yeah.
I think it's just also
really helping me get out of my head.
Like, it's really engaging and enjoyable
and feels like we're participating
in something more than just...
you know, intercourse.
[Jaiya] Mm-hmm. Beautiful.
I've been waiting for us
to try something like this,
and this made me realize that,
like, for six years, we haven't been
exploring our sexuality together.
You know, coming from our past experiences
and expecting the other one to catch on.
Her whole body is a wonderland
of pleasure and orgasmic pleasure.
[Damon] Mmm.
Not just her genitals.
You can see that.
Her body, like, twitching or this or that.
Like, it feels really good.
I really learned that she's not
as sexually conservative as I thought.
And that's exciting
for me to a point, because
I'm not kinky, but this kink, I liked it.
So, now I'm like...
I'm just...
[laughs]
Forty-five years old,
learning something new.
[laughs]
Your blueprint is energetic,
and I think you're more
like a psychological kinky
than of the sensation or, like,
spanking or, like, those kinds of things.
They add to it,
but I think yours is more of the game
of "helping me get out of my head."
And kink actually is
helping you get out of your head.
So, those are the main things
for you to just ground in here,
is, like, you're not broken.
There's nothing broken.
What's interesting is that
Damon has had this story
about Erika not being as sexual,
but I think that the more permission
and air he gives her to be sexual,
she is gonna flower and blossom
into something that he's going to be like,
"Whoa," and holding onto
the reins of where that's gonna go.
'Cause it's going
to really blossom and fully flower
and, you know, he's gonna have
a hard time matching it, I think.
And now it's your turn. [laughs]
Yeah.
My blueprint says that I am very sexual,
but it also says that I'm very not kinky.
Yeah.
[interviewer] Are you nervous
to get on the table next?
Yeah, I'm nervous
to get on the table next.
I don't know what's gonna happen.
["Marimba Chant" playing]