Seinfeld (1989–1998): Season 7, Episode 6 - The Soup Nazi - full transcript

In this series-defining episode, everyone goes to this new soup stand because the soup is so great. Unfortunately, the owner is obsessed about his customer's ordering procedure. Jerry and his new girlfriend annoy everybody by using baby talk. George tries to do the same thing with Susan to show how annoying they are to everybody. Jerry and his girlfriend get rejected from the Soup Nazi's kitchen when they're caught kissing in line. Elaine buys an Armoire and asks Kramer to watch it. While watching it, Kramer is robbed by some gay, trash-talking street toughs who want nothing more than the Armour. She then gets rejected from the soup kitchen when she offends the "Soup Nazi". Kramer, who befriends the Soup Nazi, gets a new Armoire exactly like the one that was stolen from him. He then gives it to Elaine, who discovers the Soup Nazi's recipes inside. Jerry pleads with her not to do anything, but Elaine threatens to put the Soup Nazi out of business.

Yes, I'm a very lazy eater.

That's why I like soup.

First of all, it looks half-digested
when they put it down in front of you.

So you feel like half the work
is done already.

I'm hoping Campbell's comes out
with an lV line of soup...

that you could just jam
right into your arm, you know?

Campbell's tomato intravenous.

Mainline gumbo.

Everyone just sitting around
at dinner with their soup lV...

hanging on the hook there,
you know?

How's yours, Grandpa?

Oh, chunky style.

What theatre do you wanna
go to tonight?

We got 61st and 3rd
or 84th and Broadway.

Which one you wanna go to,

You called me "Schmoopie."
You're Schmoopie.

- You're Schmoopie.
- You're Schmoopie.

You're Schmoopie.

All right, Schmoopies,
what's it gonna be?

- Pick a theatre.
- We'll go to 3rd Avenue.

So can you come with us
to the soup place?

No, you have a good lunch.
I'll meet you here for the movie.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hi, Elaine.
- Hi, Sheila.

All right, then I'll see you later.

- Bye, Schmoopie.
- Bye, Schmoopie.

Okay, we ready to go?

Yes, please. Please, let's go.

I'm in the mood for a cheeseburger.

- No, we gotta go to the soup place.
- What soup place?

There's a soup stand.
Kramer's been going there.

He's always raving.

I finally got a chance to
go, and I tell you this:

You will be stunned.

Stunned by soup?

You can't eat this soup standing up.
Your knees buckle.

All right, let's go. Come on.

There's only one caveat.

Guy who runs the place
is a little temperamental.

Especially about
the ordering procedure.

He's secretly referred to
as the "Soup Nazi."

What happens
if you don't order right?

- He yells, and you don't get your soup.
- What?

Just follow the procedure
and you will be fine.

- All right, let's go over that again.
- All right.

As you walk in the place,
move immediately to your right.

Okay, the main thing
is to keep the line moving.

You hold out your money,
speak your soup in a clear voice...

- step to the left, and receive soup.
- Right.

It's very important not
to embellish your order.

No extraneous comments,
no questions, no compliments.

- Oh, boy, I'm really scared.
- Elaine.

Jerry, that's enough now
about the Soup Nazi.

Look at this.

You know what this is?
This is an antique armoire.

It's French, armoire.


- How much is this?
- I was asking 250.

But you got a nice face.
Two even.

Two hundred. You know, I've always
wanted one of these things.

- He gave you the nice-face discount.
- Yeah. All right, you guys go ahead.

- What about the soup?
- I'm getting an armoire, Jerry.


This line is huge.

And it's like this all the time.

Isn't that that Bania guy?

Oh, no. It is. Just be still.

Too late. I think
he picked up the scent.

Hey, Jerry, I didn't know
you liked soup.

Hard to believe.

This guy makes the best soup
in the city, Jerry. The best.

You know what they call him?
"Soup Nazi."

All right, Bania.

- I'm not letting you cut in line.
- Why not?

If he catches us,
we'll never get soup again.

Okay, okay.

Medium turkey chili.

Medium crab bisque.

- I didn't get any bread.
- Just forget it. Let it go.

Excuse me.
I think you forgot my bread.

Bread, $2.00 extra.

Two dollars? But everyone
in front of me got free bread.

- You want bread?
- Yes, please.

Three dollars!

- What?
- No soup for you!

What do you mean,
I can't bring it in? I live here.

It's Sunday.
There's no moving on Sunday.

- That's the rule.
- But I didn't know, Tom.

Can't you just make an exception?
Please? I've got a nice face.

Tomorrow, okay?
You move it in tomorrow.

I'll even give you a hand.

- You're gonna have to hold it.
- I'm the guy on the sidewalk.

I don't have layaway.

Oh, no. Please don't go.

Please. Please don't walk away.

Oh, man.

Oh, this is fantastic.

How does he do it?

I don't see how you can sit there
eating, and not even offer me any?

I gave you a taste.
What do you want?

- Why can't we share?
- I told you not to say anything.

You can't go in there, flout the rules,
and then think I'm gonna share.

- Do you hear you yourself?
- I'm sorry.

This is what comes
from living under a Nazi regime.

Well, I gotta go back there
and try again.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi, Schmoopie.
- Hi, Schmoopie.

- No, you're Schmoopie.
- You're Schmoopie.

- Going.
- Hey, listen...

so we'll meet you and Susan
at the movie tonight?

You know what? I changed my mind.
I don't think so.

- Why?
- I just don't feel like it anymore.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

Boy, he's a weird guy, isn't he?

- Hey.
- Hey.


Hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?

Elaine has to leave her armoire
on the street all night.

I'm gonna guard it for her.

I need something to sit on.

Well, sit on one of your cushions.

But this is so nice and thick.

Ahoy, there.

Oh, Kramer, thank God.

- I really appreciate your doing this.
- Well, you asked for it, you got it.

Do you need anything?

Well, a hot bowl of mulagatani
would hit the spot.

- Mulagatani?
- Yeah, it's an lndian soup.

Simmered to perfection...

by one of the great
soup artisans in the modern era.

Who, the Soup Nazi?

He's not a Nazi.

He just happens to be
a little eccentric.

You know, most geniuses are.

- I'll be back.
- Wait a second.

- You don't know how to order.
- No, I got it.

- No, Elaine.
- Hey, I got it.

Hey, didn't you already get soup?

No, I didn't get it.

Why? What happened?

I made a mistake.

Well, we'll see
what happens to you.

Yeah, no, listen, George,
I am quite certain...

I'm walking out of there
with a bowl of soup.

Let me ask you something.
Is it just me...

or do you find it unbearable
to be around Jerry and that girl?

Oh, I know.

It's awful.

Why do they do that
in front of people?

- I don't know.
- What is that with the Schmoopie?

- Schmoopie.
- Oh, stop it. I know.

I had to listen to a discussion on
which one is actually called Schmoopie.

I cancelled plans
to go to the movies with them.

- You know, we should say something.
- We absolutely should.

I mean, why does he do that?
Doesn't he know what a turnoff that is?

- He can be so weird sometimes.
- Yes.

- I haven't figured him out.
- Me neither.

I gotta focus.
I'm shifting into soup mode.

Oh, God.

Good afternoon.

One large crab bisque to go.

Bread. Beautiful.

You're pushing your luck, little man.

Sorry. Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, there.

Oh, one mulagatani, and....

What is that there?
Is that lima bean?

- Yes.
- Never been a big fan.

You know what?

Has anyone ever told you
you look exactly like Al Pacino?

You know, Scent of a Woman.

Very good. Very good.

You know something?
No soup for you!

- What?
- Come back, one year!


- Look at this.
- It's an antique.

It's all handmade,
and I love the inlay.

Yes, yes. Me too.

It's gorgeous, completely. Pick it up.

- Pick it up from the bottom.
- Wait, what are you doing?

What does it look like we're doing?
We're taking this.

You can't take this.
This belongs to a friend of mine.

Look, you wanna get hurt?

I don't think you wanna get hurt.
If you wanna get hurt, I can hurt you.

Now, just back off.

- Bob.
- Just pick it up.

Hey, what is this, huh?

You have some kind of problem?
What is it you're not understanding?

We're taking the armoire,
and that's all there is to it.


I mean, is he allowed to do this?

It's discrimination.

I'm gonna call the state's
attorney's office.

This is fabulous, my God.
Elaine, you have to taste this.

All right, all right.
Give me a taste.

- Oh, my God. I've gotta sit down.
- Yeah.

What happened?
Where's my armoire?

- It was stolen.
- What?

These street toughs,
they robbed me.

Street toughs took my armoire?

Yeah, it was very frightening.

My life was in danger.

You should've seen
the way they talked to me.

- I can't believe this!
- So where's the soup?

The Soup Nazi threw me out.


- What are you gonna get?
- I'll decide at the last minute.

You better decide, sister.
You're on deck.


What is this?
You're kissing in my line?

Nobody kisses in my line.

- I can kiss anywhere I want to.
- You just cost yourself a soup.

How dare you?

Come on, Jerry, we're leaving.


Do I know you?

So essentially,
you chose soup over a woman?

It was a bisque.

Yeah, you know what
I've just realized?

Suddenly, George has become
much more normal than you.

- Really?
- Yeah. Well, I mean, think about it.

He's engaged to be married.

Your top priority is soup.

Have you tasted the soup?

Yeah, all right.
You made the right decision.

See, it's much easier
to patch things up with Sheila...

than with the Soup Nazi.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh, thanks.
- There he is.

Elaine, I'm really sorry
about the armoire.

Yeah, I know. Me too.

- So did these thieves want any money?
- No.

- They just wanted the armoire?
- Yeah, they were quite taken with it.


Have you noticed
George is acting a little strange lately?

No. In what way?

I don't know. A lot of attitude,
like he's better than me.

I don't think George has ever thought
he's better than anybody.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Were you just talking about me?
What's going on?

Absolutely not.

- Something's going on here.
- All right.

I'm gonna go get some soup.

One of these days,
that guy is gonna get his.

So how was the movie?

We didn't go.
Sheila and I are kind of on the outs.

Oh, yeah?


What, are you happy?

- Happy? Why should I be happy?
- I don't know.

But you look like you're happy.

Why should I care?

You can't fool me.

Don't insult me,
because I know when you're happy.

All right, I am happy.
And I'll tell you why.

The two of you were making me
and every one of your friends sick.

Right, Elaine?

Is that so?

Yeah. With all that kissing and the
"Schmoopie, Schmoopie, Schmoopie."

- Out in public like that. It's disgusting.
- Disgusting?

People who do that
should be arrested.

I guess I have all the more reason
to get back with her.

And we had a pact, you know.

- What?
- You shook my hand.

You're still with the pact?

- You reneged.
- All I did was shake your hand.

And then they just ran off
with the armoire, just like that.

This city.

One large jambalaya, please.

- So continue.
- My friend is awfully disappointed.

You know, she's very emotional.

Thank you.


All right, now listen to me.
You have been a good friend.

I have an armoire in my basement.

If you want to pick it up,
you're welcome to it.

So take it, it's yours.

How can I possibly thank you?

You are the only one
who understands me.

- You suffer for your soup.
- Yes, that is right.

You demand perfection
from yourself, from your soup.

How can I tolerate any less
from my customers?

Gazpacho, por favor.

- "Por favor"?
- Oh, I'm part Spanish.

Adios, muchacho.

You heard him. Get out.

It was stupid of me.

Well, it was very insulting.

No, I know.
I was really sort of half kidding.

Well, behind every joke
there's some truth.

Well, what about that
Bavarian cream pie joke?

There's no truth to that.

Nobody with a terminal illness
goes to Europe...

for a piece of Bavarian cream pie...

and then when they don't have it,
he says, "I'll just have some coffee."

- There's no truth to that.
- Well, I guess you're right.

- So am I forgiven, Schmoopie?
- Yes, Schmoopie.

- Hey, Jerry.
- Oh, hi, Susan.

George. You remember Sheila.

- Oh, yes. Hello.
- Hello. Won't you join us?

- No, thanks. Yes.
- Of course.


you sit on the same side
in a booth?

Yeah, that's right.
You got a problem?

I just think it's a little unusual
for two people to sit on one side...

and leave the other side empty.

Well, we're changing the rules.

Well, good for you.

What are you getting, George?

I don't know, honey.
What do you wanna get?

I want you to get anything you want.

Because I love you so much,
and I want you to be happy.

Okay, sweetie?

Oh, George, you're so sweet.

Well, I can be a little

What about you, Schmoopie?
How about a little tuna?

- You want a little tuna fishy?
- Yeah, a little tuna fishy.


Come here.

And voil?!

- Yeah.
- Oh, I love it!

I absolutely love it!

Yeah, did the K-Man do it
or did the K-Man do it?

- The K-man did it!
- Yeah!

- How much did you pay for this?
- How about zero?

What? What? Whose was it?
Where'd you get it?

I'll tell you where I got it.

From the guy you callously
refer to as the Soup Nazi.

Get out!

The Soap Nazi gave it to you?

Well, I told him the whole story,
and he just let me have it.

Yeah, he's a wonderful man.

Yeah, you know,
a little bit misunderstood, but....

I'm gonna go down there
and personally thank him.

I mean, I had this guy all wrong.
This is wonderful.

Yeah, well, he's a dear.

How much tip
do you leave on 8.15?

You know, sweetie...

I just want you to know
that I was so proud of you today...

expressing your feelings
so freely in front of Jerry and all.

Just knowing that you're
not afraid of those things...

it's such a great step forward
in our relationship.

Because you love
your little Kiki, don't you?

- How is he today?
- I think he's in a good mood.


Kramer gave me the armoire,
and it is so beautiful.

I mean, I just can't tell you
how much I appreciate it.

You? If I knew it was for you,
I never would have given it to him!

I would have taken a hatchet
and smashed it to pieces.

Now, who wants soup?

Next, speak up.

I'm headed over to Elaine's.

Jerry, those are the guys
that mugged me for the armoire.

- Those two? Are you sure?
- That's them.

- Let's confront them.
- No, let's get a cop.

There's no cops around.
They're gonna leave.

Come on, let's go.

Wow, look, that one is gorgeous.

I would just kill for that one.

No, not in blue.
Blue does not go at all.

Do you know what
you're talking about?

I don't think you know what you're
talking about. Take a look at that.

Excuse me.

- Are you talking to me?
- Well....

I said, are you talking to me?

Well, maybe he was talking to me.

Was you talking to him?

Because you was
obviously talking to one of us.

So what is it? Who?
Who was you talking to?

We were kind of
talking to each other.

Weren't we?

I mean, you know, I've never been
so insulted in my entire life.

There's something really wrong
with this man.

He is a Soup Nazi.

- What? What is that?
- I don't know.

"Five cups chopped
porcini mushroom...

half a cup of olive oil,
three pounds of celery...

- chopped parsley..."
- Let me see.

You know what this is?
This is a recipe for soup.

Look at this. There are like
30 different recipes.

These are his recipes.

- So?
- So?

His secret's out. Don't you see?

I could give these
to every restaurant in town.

I could have them published.

I could drop fliers
from a plane above the city.

Wait, where do you think
you're going?

What do you care?

I don't want you causing trouble
down at that soup stand.

I love that soup.

- Get out of my way, Jerry.
- Elaine, let the man make his soup.

Don't make me hurt you, Jerry.

Look, they have it in blue.

For my baby bluey.

- Are you my baby bluey?
- Oh, yes, I'm your baby bluey.

Oh, yes.

Well, well.

- Hi, Jerry.
- Hey, Susan, George.

You know, I really like Sheila a lot.

Oh, really? Because we're kind of
not seeing each other anymore.

Oh, no, that's too bad.

Yeah, well, she was
very affectionate, which I love.

You know I love that.

But mentally we couldn't quite
make a connection.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Too bad. You gotta have the affection,
which you obviously have.

I think it's great that you're so open
with your affections in public.

See, we had that.

- You did?
- Oh, yes.

But the mental thing....

But, anyway....

- I'll see you.
- Yeah.

See you.

Go on, leave. Get out!

- But I didn't do anything.
- Next.



You think you can get soup?

Please, you're wasting
everyone's time.

I don't want soup.

I can make my own soup.

"Five cups chopped
porcini mushrooms...

half a cup of olive oil...

three pounds celery."

That is my recipe for
wild mushroom.

Yeah, that's right. I got them all.

Cold cucumber,
corn and crab chowder.

- Mulagatani.
- Mulagatani?

You're through, Soup Nazi.
Pack it up.

No more soup for you.


Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!

- What is it?
- Something happened to Soup Nazi.

- What is the matter?
- Elaine's causing a commotion.

She got ahold of his recipes, and she's
gonna drive him out of business.

Now that his recipes are out
he's not gonna make any more soup!

He's moving out of the country!
Moving to Argentina!

No more soup, Jerry.
No more for any of us!

- Where you going?
- He's giving away what's left.

I gotta go home and get a big pot.