Seinfeld (1989–1998): Season 7, Episode 14 - The Cadillac - full transcript

Old people in Florida,
they drive slow...

and they sit low.

Right? That is their motto.

The state flag of Florida should be like...

a steering wheel with a hat
and two knuckles on it.

And that left-turn signal on...

from when they left the house
that morning.

Right? That's a legal turn in Florida.

It's known as an eventual left.

And old people
get to a certain age...

where, when they back out
of the driveway...



they don't look.

You know what I mean?
They just feel like;

"Well, I'm old, and I'm coming back.

I survived. Let's see if you can."

- Hey, you're back!
- Oh, I'm back, baby.

- How was it?
- One of the best jobs I ever had.

- Good for you.
- I killed.

- You killed.
- Wiped the floor with them.

And not only that,
the money was unbelievable.

- Unbelievable.
- Yeah, highest-paying job I ever had.

How much?

- I'd rather not.
- Oh, come on.

It's not good to talk about money.
It can affect the friendship.

I tell you how much I make.



And I'm always impressed.

Just show me the check. Come on.

- You wanna see it?
- I wanna see it.

Okay.

Check that out.

- This is unbelievable.
- I told you.

My God, you're rich.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't know you made
that kind of money.

- Gee.
- What?

I just don't think
I can talk to you anymore.

I feel inferior.

I never should have told you.

You know, Jerry, I think
this changes the relationship.

I mean, I feel it. Do you feel it?

No, I can't feel anything.

What are you gonna do with all that?

I was thinking of donating
a large portion of it to charity.

- Really?
- No.

Well, you should, Jerry.

To tell you the truth, I was thinking
of buying my father a car.

- You see, that's nice.
- Yeah, maybe a Cadillac.

Cadillac.

Yeah.

That would blow his mind.
He's always wanted one...

his whole life. He's never
been able to afford it.

- I'll do it.
- You're gonna score big points...

with the man upstairs.

Oh, isn't that what it's all about?

Who was Pippi Longstocking?

Pippi Longstocking? I don't know.

Did she have anything
to do with Hitler?

Hitler? Maybe.

- Hey.
- Hey, George.

Have you seen Jerry?
I told him 2:00.

You remember Katy?

Oh, hi. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We met skiing that time.
You're married to the eye guy.

Also ear, nose and throat.

Nose.

What's the worst
that could happen to a nose?

What does it get, stuffed?

- He's funny.
- You don't have to tell me.

Ladies, please, please.

Oh, you know what?
He got engaged.

Oh, you did?

What, is that bad?

I actually would have set you up
with a friend of mine.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

You'd be perfect for her.
She loves quirky, funny guys.

- Bald?
- Loves bald.

Loves bald.

Who...?

- Who is she?
- Marisa Tomei.

- The actress?
- Yeah.

You're friends with Marisa Tomei?

That's right.

That's incredible. My Cousin Vinny...

I love her. She was fantastic.

Yeah, I know.

You were gonna fix me up with her?

She's just been sitting home.

Marisa Tomei's sitting home, Elaine.

Why didn't you tell me
Katy was friends with Marisa?

Oh, I don't know
what I was thinking.

I want this baby fully loaded.

Well, how soon can you get it there?

Oh, that's terrific.

Okay, thanks, bye.
Hey, guess what.

- I just bought my father a Cadillac.
- Really?

- Wow, you are quite the good son.
- Yeah.

I'm a very good boy.

I'm flying down there
and surprising them.

- You gonna sleep on the foldout?
- Yeah.

I guess.

Let me ask you something.

You ever hear of Marisa Tomei?

- The actress?
- Yeah.

- She's... She's something, isn't she?
- Oh, yeah.

- Well, you know Katy, Elaine's friend?
- Yeah.

She happens to be
good friends with her.

Marisa Tomei?

- How does she know Marisa Tomei?
- I don't know. I didn't ask.

You didn't ask
how she knows Marisa Tomei?

- Not the point. Can I finish?
- All right.

Go ahead.
Seems like a reasonable question.

That's all I'm saying.
I would have asked her.

All right!

So she said that she could have
fixed me up with her.

What do you mean, "could have"?

Well, you know, if I wasn't engaged.

Could have fixed me up
with Marisa Tomei.

She said I was just her type.

- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know the odds
of me being anyone's type?

I have never been anyone's type.

But, apparently, this Marisa Tomei
loves funny, quirky bald men.

You know, she won
an Academy Award.

Like I don't know that.

My Cousin Vinny, I loved it.

I, George Costanza, could be
on a date with an Oscar winner.

An Oscar winner, Jerry.
Do you know what that's like?

If 50 years ago someone had fixed
me up with Katharine Hepburn.

Same thing.

Now there's a match,
you and Katharine Hepburn.

- I mean, you've seen her?
- Katharine Hepburn? Yeah.

- Marisa Tomei!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, she's beautiful, right.
She's just my type.

The dark hair, the full lips.

- You like full lips.
- Oh, I love full lips.

Something you can really
put the lipstick on.

Too bad you're engaged.

Yeah, too bad, too bad.

This is no good.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Excuse me, I'm with Plaza Cable.
I'm sorry to bother you.

I'm looking for the guy
who lives over here.

Been waiting about two hours.

You happen to know where he is?

No.

Could you tell him
the cable company was here?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- Nice people.
- Yeah.

Listen, let me ask you a question.

What if I got a cup of coffee
with her?

Well, what about Susan?

I can't have a coffee with a person?

I'm not allowed to have coffee?

Would you tell Susan about it?

Not necessarily.

If you can't tell Susan about it,
then there's something wrong.

Of course there's something wrong.

We had a pact.

- Hey, cable guy's looking for you.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, I've been getting HBO
for free.

They found out about it.
Now they wanna come and take it out.

Well, said he was waiting two hours.
Seemed a little put out.

Oh, was he?

Well, I guess the cable man
doesn't like to be kept waiting.

You don't seem too bothered by it.

Do you remember what they did to me
10 years ago?

"Oh, we'll be there in the morning
between 9 and 1...

or we'll be there between 2 and 6."

And I sat there, hour after hour...

without so much as a phone call.

Finally, they show up.

No apology.

Tracking mud all over
my nice, clean floors.

And now they want me
to accommodate them.

Well...

Iooks like the shoe
is on the other foot, doesn't it?

- I've never seen you like this.
- You don't wanna get on my bad side.

Marks without Positraction...

which was not available
on the '64 Buick Skylark.

Hey.

Hey, what are you watching?

What is that, My Cousin Vinny?

- Yeah.
- I thought you saw that before.

How come you're watching
that again?

I don't know.

Did you know Marisa Tomei
won an Oscar for that?

Boy, she's beautiful, don't you think?
I wish I looked like that.

Turn it off.
You're making me jealous.

I'm gonna think you like her
more than you like me.

- Hello?
- Elaine, it's me, George.

- How come you're whispering?
- Never mind.

Never mind.
I need you to do me a favour.

Remember what we were talking
about at the coffee shop?

No.

Think a second.

You know, your friend was talking
about me and, you know....

George, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- The actress.
- What?

Marisa Tomei!

- What?
- Nothing. Nothing.

Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, what about her?
- Well...

- I think I'd like to do it.
- What?

What?

George, no way. You're engaged.

A coffee.
That doesn't mean anything.

- No, George.
- Elaine.

- Forget it.
- Elaine.

Elaine! Don't!

The judge! I hate this guy.

I can't believe you're buying
your father a car.

And best of all, it's a Cadillac.

A Cadillac?

I had no idea you had
this kind of money.

I don't like to talk about it.

Yeah, I mean,
I thought you were doing okay.

I just didn't think you were
in this kind of, you know...

position.

It's just money.

So when are you getting back
from Florida?

Oh, I don't know.
I'll play it by ear. Why?

I don't know, just....

Things seem a little more exciting
when you're around.

That's all.

Are you okay?

Sure, sure.

- What was that?
- Quiet, quiet.

Hey, you know the guy
who lives here?

- Yeah.
- All morning I've been waiting here.

- All morning.
- Oh, this is....

The guy says he's gonna be home.
I show up, and all I do is wait.

I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it.

I'm not gonna put up with it
much longer.

I'm loving this.

Hey, there's a guy out here that...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I know.

Thanks very much for yesterday,
by the way.

Jerry, he wants me to fix him up
with Marisa Tomei.

I am not gonna be a part of this.

"Fixed up"? A cup of coffee.
A cup of coffee is not a fix-up.

You wanna meet her.
You wanna see if she likes you?

- So what? So what if I do?
- You're engaged!

I'm aware! I'm aware!

But this is Marisa Tomei, Elaine.
An Oscar winner.

How can I live the rest of my life...

knowing I could have been
with her?

She said I was just her type.

She loves short, stocky,
balding funnymen.

I notice you threw "stocky" in.

Yeah, what the hell.

George, it's cheating.

It's not cheating if there's no sex.

Yes, it is. Jerry.

Hundred. Hold on a second.

I'm sorry.
I didn't hear what you said.

Elaine, come on.

Would you make the call?
Please, make the call.

Yeah. Yeah, fine. I'll call.

- Eight fifty.
- Oh, right.

So...

how are you getting to the airport?
Do you need a ride, or...?

- Don't be silly. I've arranged a car.
- You sure? You sure?

Because, you know....

- Maybe I'll let you pick me up.
- Okay.

Oh, hi.

Is Katy there?

What?

Oh, really?

Well, could you tell her
Elaine called?

Yeah, thanks.

She's in the hospital.
She has an arrhythmia.

What about Marisa Tomei?

Morty, what do you have to open
this box for?

There's already
a box of cookies open.

I wanted a Chip Ahoy.

I don't want all these open boxes.

Look, I got a few good years left.

If I want a Chip Ahoy, I'm having it.

Surprise!

- Jerry!
- Oh, my God!

- What the hell are you doing here?
- I'm a good son.

Just like that? No call?

- Just like that.
- Oh, you are really something.

To what do we owe this honour?

You wanna know, come on outside.

Outside? What's going on?

Whenever Jerry comes,
something exciting happens.

Come on, come on.

- Well, what do you think?
- Look at this.

Look at this.

You bought a Cadillac?

I bought it for you. It's yours.

You what?
You bought me a Cadillac?

I bought you a Cadillac.
Here you go.

Are you out of your mind?

- What?
- We can't take this.

You don't want it? Are you kidding?

- He's not buying us a Cadillac.
- What are you, nuts?

This is a very nice gesture, Jerry,
but take it back.

Can you believe this?

I'm not letting him buy us a Cadillac.
He hasn't got the money.

- How do you know?
- Oh, get out of here, Mr. Big Shot.

Why can't I buy my father a car?

- Your father doesn't need a car.
- Yes, I do.

- Oh, Morty.
- We're keeping it.

Over my dead body.
Give me those. Give me...

Well, this worked out
just as I had hoped.

- Giddyup.
- Yeah, this is Nick Stevens...

from Plaza Cable.

Well, I waited all morning again.

You said you were gonna be there
from 9 to 1.

I was there. Where were you?

I got nothing better to do...

than stand outside all morning
waiting for you to show up?

You're not gonna
get away with this.

Hey, Jerry, look at this.

My seat's got a memory,
in case somebody moves it.

I could be in prison for years.

I come out, my seat goes back
to where I like it.

That's what I was thinking.

Hello, Jerry.

Hiya, Jack.

So...

how do you like this?

- Whose car?
- It's mine.

- Yours?
- That's right.

- My son bought it for me.
- He what?

My son bought me the car.

It's a present.

- You bought it?
- That's right. I bought it.

You ever see one so nice?

Some car.

- You wanna take a ride?
- No, thank you.

- Come on, take a ride.
- I don't wanna ride.

- Why not?
- I don't feel like taking a ride.

Do I have to take a ride?

He doesn't wanna take a ride.

What do you think,
I've never ridden in a Cadillac?

Believe me, I have ridden
in a Cadillac hundreds of times.

- Thousands.
- Thousands?

You think you're such a big shot now
because you got a Cadillac?

Did you believe that guy?

Anyway, I was thinking
about what you said...

about me and Marisa, you know,
the two of us getting together.

And I know that I said
that I was engaged...

but, you know, it's really just
something you say, you know.

It's like going steady, you know.
Going steady, engaged.

It's all just stuff you say.

Anyway, I was watching
My Cousin Vinny...

on the tape the other day
and I was thinking that...

you know, the two of us
might take a meeting, as they say.

So, what do you think?

Move a pinkie if it's yes.
Can you move a pinkie?

- Hello.
- Hi, Mr. Kramer.

This is McNab
down at the phone company.

We got a report
about some trouble on your line.

Well, I haven't had any trouble.

Thing is, we happen to have a man
right in your neighbourhood.

Is that right? Well, I have been having
a little trouble with my call waiting.

We can fix that. We can fix that.

Oh, can you?

Well, that's funny.
Because as it happens...

I don't have call waiting.

Seems to me that the phone company
would know that.

Oh, right, I'm sorry.

I was looking at the wrong
work order.

Could you hold on for a second?

I've got something on the stove.

Hey, McNab!
Chunnel's on HBO tonight!

Why don't you stop by!

All right. Next thing on the agenda;

The restoration of the fence
at the Broward Gate.

At the present time,
we are still accepting bids.

It's been broken
for six months already.

What the hell are you doing?

Well, l, as your president,
have to find the best price.

And right now, l, for one,
do not think it's cost-feasible.

I'll bet you don't.

What's that?

Come on, Morty. The jig is up.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm sorry.

I'm sitting here the whole meeting
holding my tongue.

I know you a long time, Morty,
but I cannot hold it in any longer.

- What's going on, Jack?
- I'll tell you what's going on.

Morty Seinfeld has been
stealing funds from the treasury.

- Stealing?
- What proof do you have?

Proof? You want proof?

He's driving around
in a brand-new Cadillac.

What more proof do you want?

My son bought me that car.

Your son? Your son could never
afford that car.

We all saw his act
last year at the playhouse.

He's lucky he can pay his rent.

Jack's right. He stinks.

It's his material.

I tell you, he bought it for me.

- I move for a full investigation.
- I second.

- Impeachment?
- That's right.

Have you ever heard anything
like that?

- Can they do that?
- If they get the votes.

Told you we shouldn't have let him
give us the car.

Didn't you tell them I got the bill?
That proves I paid for it.

It doesn't make a difference.
They think we're in cahoots.

You could put a fence around these
condos and call it an insane asylum.

Nobody would know the difference.

No one's ever
been impeached before.

I couldn't live here.
We'd have to move to Boca.

Hello?

- Oh, hi, Evelyn.
- Hello, Jerry.

I just got off the phone
with Sol Brandes.

- What did he say?
- He's voting to impeach.

Not because he thinks
you stole the money...

but mainly because you never
thanked him...

for giving you his aisle seat
at Freddy Roman's show.

I did so thank him.

No, he never heard you.
I told you he didn't hear you.

He's deaf anyway.

Now, my sources tell me...

there's three votes
for impeachment...

three votes
against impeachment...

and one undecided.

- Who's that?
- Mrs. Choate.

- Who's she?
- Oh, that one?

She's been a member of the board
longer than anybody.

She's very tough to deal with.

Maybe we should have her over
for coffee and explain our side of it.

- That's a good idea.
- Okay.

I'll see you
at the Lichtenbergs' tonight.

- The Lichtenbergs'?
- Yes, they're having a party.

We weren't invited.

Well.

Probably they think
you're too good for them.

You know, because of the car.

We're losing all our friends.

- Hello?
- Hello, Mr. Kramer?

This is John Hanaran from Con Ed.

- Oh, it's Hanaran now, is it?
- Yes.

We've had some reports
of power surges in your building.

It seems some jokers
were up on the roof.

They must have damaged
some of the wires.

Oh, you don't say.

Either way, we need to get
into your apartment...

and do a safety check.

Oh, you're good.

You are really good.

What are you talking about?

I guess I should just
go introduce myself, huh?

Hey, what are you watching?

Only You?

That's another Marisa Tomei movie.

And you've seen that one too.

What, do you have a thing for her?

Yeah. Yeah, I have a thing
for Marisa Tomei.

Like she would ever go out
with a short, stocky, bald man.

Like that's her type.

She's an Oscar winner.

Besides, I don't even know her.

It's not like anyone's
trying to fix us up.

Who would try and fix me up
with Marisa Tomei?

What are you talking about?

Have I told you
how much I love you today?

Not in the last 15 minutes.

Well, I do love you very much.

And I love you, Marisa.

Well, then. Come on, get dressed.

We're going to be late
for the premiere.

Stupid foldout.

Why do they put the bar
in the middle of the bed?

- Hello?
- Hi, Jerry.

Elaine? What's going on?

I was thinking. I mean, I'm not really
doing that much this weekend...

and I thought, "Well, what the hell.

Maybe I'll come down there
and hang out a little."

You wanna hang out here...

at Phase Two
in the Pines of Mar Gables?

Well...

it's just two hours by plane.

Gee, I don't know what to tell you.

Damn it. I got another call.

Hang on. Don't hang up, Jerry.

- Yeah?
- Elaine...

you have got to get me
Marisa Tomei's number.

Okay, George, I'm on the other line.
I promise you, I'll get you her number.

- Yeah.
- Goodbye.

Hi.

Hi.

So, what do you think?

I don't think so.

I'll be back on Monday.

Well, if you need that ride...

just give me a call.

I can meet you at the gate, Jerr.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

- All right, I'll see you.
- Jerr, Jerry?

- Yeah?
- Bye.

Bye.

Yeah, sure. No, that's fantastic.

I'll... I'll see you then.

Okay.

I just got off the phone
with Marisa Tomei.

I just spoke to Marisa Tomei.

And I wasn't even that nervous.

I can't remember calling
a woman without being nervous.

Usually I'm pacing all over the room.
I write down things to say.

Okay, well, that's all the time
we have for today.

Why don't we pick up
with this next week?

- Where are you going?
- I got stuff to do.

- What? You can't leave yet.
- Why not?

- We have to discuss my alibi.
- Alibi?

- What does that have to do with me?
- I spend Saturday...

with Susan. She'll wanna know
what I'm doing.

I can't use Jerry.
He's in Florida.

- So you wanna say you were with me?
- Yes.

Okay, fine. You were with me.

Wait a second. Wait a second.
What were we doing?

Where were we?
Why are we together?

- What is the difference?
- Because if you ever see her...

and it comes up,
we have to be in sync.

Okay. Now....

Why do I have to see you?

Because I'm going to the dentist...

and I'm afraid...

and I want you to go with me.

That's no good.

Okay, fine.

What?

I don't like the way you
just rejected my suggestion.

Hey, let's not get so defensive here.
This is a give-and-take process.

I thought that
my suggestion was good.

I think you could have
been a little more tactful.

Okay, look, we've never
worked together on a lie.

You don't understand how I work.
I have a certain way of working.

Jerry and I have worked together
a few times. He knows how I work.

Not a personal thing. We're just trying
to come up with the best possible lie.

- That's what this is about.
- Okay.

- Okay. Fine.
- Okay?

- Good.
- Fine, fine, fine.

Okay.

Okay, how about this?

- What?
- You are having problems...

with your boyfriend, and I am
meeting you to discuss the situation.

I don't have a boyfriend.

She doesn't know that.
We say that you do.

It's good. Believe me.

I thought my idea was just as good.

- The dentist thing?
- Yeah, right. The dentist thing.

- The dentist thing was not good.
- Okay, all right.

What is his name? Who is he?

Art Vandelay.

Art Vandelay?

- This is my boyfriend?
- That's your boyfriend.

What does he do?

- He's an importer.
- Just imports? No exports?

He's an importer-exporter. Okay?

So I'm dating Art Vandelay.

What is the problem
we're discussing?

Yes, yes.

How about this?

How about he's thinking
of quitting the exporting...

and just focusing in
on the importing.

And this is causing a problem.
Because why not do both?

Oh, what? You don't like
that suggestion either?

It's very complicated.

You know, it seems to me
that it's all you...

and none of my ideas
are getting in.

You know, I mean, you just know it all.
And I am Miss Stupid, right?

What are you doing?
Are you making coffee?

- Yeah.
- You better make a pot of tea too.

Morty, you're driving me crazy.

Look, I don't want anything
to go wrong.

If this woman votes to impeach me,
I'll be a laughingstock.

You wanna drive a Cadillac,
expect to pay the consequences.

There she is.

Hello. Hello, Mrs. Choate.

- Hello.
- Oh, come in. May I take your coat?

No, no. I prefer to wear it.
Nobody's taking my coat.

How about a cup
of coffee or something?

Coffee?

I'll take hot water
with lemon if you have it.

Please, have a seat.

That's a lovely scarf you're wearing.
Where did you get it?

They're a dime a dozen.

Oh, hi, Jerry. Mrs. Choate,
this is my son, Jerry.

- Give me that rye.
- Stop it.

Help! Someone help!

- Shut up, you old bag.
- Thief!

Stop him! Stop him,
he's got my rye!

- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.

Jerry lives in New York.
You just came from New York?

Yeah, I was visiting my daughter.
And I'll never go back.

The crime there is just terrible.

Do you know I got mugged
for a marble rye right on the street?

Oh, that's terrible. They stole a rye?
Why would they steal a rye?

That's what the city's turning into.
They'll steal anything.

They're like savages.

Yeah, there are some sickos
out there.

You look very familiar.
Have we ever met?

You ever go to Camp Tioga?

Maybe you've seen him
on television.

- Jerry's a comedian.
- No, I don't watch TV.

- It was nice meeting you.
- Jerry, don't go.

No, I think I'll go.

So, Morty, what's this all about?
What do you want?

Hey, where are you going?

Oh, l... I didn't tell you?

I gotta go meet Elaine.

Elaine? What for?

I don't know. She's having some
problems with this guy she's seeing.

I didn't know
she was dating anyone.

Yeah, yeah. She's seeing
this guy, Art Vandelay.

- So, what does he do?
- He's an importer-exporter.

What kind of problems
are they having?

Well, he....

He wants to quit
the exporting and...

focus just on the importing.

And it's a problem because
she thinks the exporting...

is as important as the importing.

Are you having
an affair with Elaine?

Right. Come on.

I'm having an affair with Elaine?
If I was having an affair with Elaine...

I wouldn't tell you
I'm seeing Elaine.

I would make up another person
to tell you I would see...

and then I would go see Elaine.

I'll get you! I'll get you, Kramer!

You won't get away with this.

All right, are you ready to eat?

Oh, right, let's go. Jerry, let's go.
It's time to eat. We're going to dinner.

- Dinner? Well, what time is it?
- It's 4:30.

Four thirty?
Who eats dinner at 4:30?

By the time we sit down,
it'll be quarter to 5.

I don't understand
why we have to eat now.

We gotta catch the early-bird.
It's only between 4:30 and 6.

Yeah, they give you a tenderloin,
a salad and a baked potato for $4.95.

You know what that
costs you after 6?

Can't we eat at a decent hour?
I'll treat. Okay?

You're not buying us dinner.

I'm not force-feeding
myself a steak at 4:30...

to save a couple bucks.
I'll tell you that.

All right.

We'll wait.

But it's unheard of.

So anyway, if you think about it...

"manure" is not really
that bad a word.

I mean, it's "newer," which is good.

And a "ma" in front of it,
which is also good.

"Manure." It's really not that bad.

You're so right.
I never thought of it like that.

"Manure." "Ma" and the "newer."

Did you just make that up?

What, you think I'm doing material?

No, no.

It's hard to believe anyone
could be so spontaneously funny.

And I'm a little tired.

So tell me;

How is it that a man like you...

so bald and so quirky
and funny...?

How is it you're not taken?

Well, Marisa...

you see, the thing is...

I'm sort of engaged.

What?

I'm, you know, "engaged."

- Hey, look, there's a spot right in front.
- Always, Jerry. Always.

Was that delicious or what?

Where you gonna get
a better meal?

It's better than Danny's.

Danny's? Come on.

- Hello, Jack.
- Doris.

- Hi, Jack. Hi, Doris.
- Jerry.

Hello, Morty.

Well, you missed the early-bird.

Yeah? So?

Must be nice to have
that kind of money.

Bernie.

Look who's eating at 6:00.

Your suddenly well-to-do president.

Stop it, Jack.

You enjoy your last meal in office.

Tomorrow, when they kick you out...

you'll have plenty of time
to drive around in your Cadillac.

They're not kicking me out.

You don't have the votes.

That's what you think.

- We'll see.
- Yes, we will.

All right, let's eat already.

- Hi, Susan.
- Hi.

Hi. Come in. Come in.

- Have a seat.
- Elaine, I have to ask you a question.

- Oh, sure.
- Are you having an affair with George?

What?

Don't be ridiculous.

I mean, why would
anyone wanna sleep...?

Well, obviously....

You know... Of... Of...

Why would you think I was
having an affair with George?

Oh, because he said that he had to
talk with you earlier about some...

problem that you were having.

Yeah. Yeah, I did have
to talk with him.

I definitely had to talk with him.

I was having a problem
with my boyfriend.

- Art Vandelay?
- Yeah, Art Vandelay.

I'm sorry.
I... I feel like an idiot.

No, no.

That's okay.

- Forget that we ever talked.
- It is so forgotten.

- All right.
- Okay.

Okay. It's no problem.

So was George helpful at all?

Yeah. Oh, yes.
Yes, he was very helpful.

Because Art and I were
getting into this whole thing...

about his business.

- You know he's an importer-exporter?
- Yeah.

George felt that I was too
adamant in my stand...

that Art should focus
on the exporting...

and forget about the importing.

Wait a minute. I thought that Art
wanted to give up the exporting.

- What did I say?
- The importing.

I did?

So, what does he import?

Chips.

- What kind of chips?
- Potato.

- Some corn.
- And what does he export?

Diapers.

- I'm sorry to bother you.
- Oh, no, it's okay.

Okay.

Come on, George, pick up.

Oh, pick up. Oh, pick up.

- Hi.
- Hi. So, George...

what does Art Vandelay import?

Matches. Really long matches.

There she is. Okay, if I could have
your attention for a minute here.

We're calling this emergency meeting
of the board of Phase Two...

to consider a motion of impeachment
of our president, Morty Seinfeld.

- Nervous, Jack?
- What for?

Because I have the votes.

- Nice to see you, Mrs. Choate.
- Hello, Morty.

Building A, are you for or against
the motion to impeach?

- What does that mean?
- It means if you're for the motion...

you're against Morty.

So why don't you say that?

Hey. I'm running the meeting.

If you think so.

- Building A.
- For impeachment.

- Building B.
- Against impeachment.

- Building C.
- For impeachment.

- Building D.
- Against impeachment.

I can't believe you got that old bag.

Help! Someone help!

Shut up, you old bag.

Thief! Thief!

It's him.

It's your son.

Now I know where I saw him.

He stole my marble rye.

My son never stole anything.
He's a good boy.

They should lock him up.

Like father, like son.

I change my vote.

I vote to impeach.

Me too. I change my vote.

- All those in favour say aye.
- Aye!

All opposed?

The ayes have it.
The motion passes.

Morty Seinfeld, you are officially
dismissed as condo president.

As vice president, Jack Klompus...

in accordance with
the Phase Two constitution...

is hereby installed as president.

Hear, hear, Jack.

Good for you, honey.

All right, I know you're in there.

I know you can hear me.

You win, okay? You win.

I can't do it anymore.

What do you want from me,
an apology?

All right.

I'm sorry.

There, I said it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I see now how we made you feel
when we made you sit home waiting.

I don't know why we do it.
I guess maybe we just kind of enjoy...

taking advantage of people.

But all that's gonna change.

From now on, no more 9 to 12,
no more 1 to 5.

We'll kind of have appointments.

Eleven o'clock is gonna
mean 11:00...

and if we can't make it,
I'm gonna call you, tell you why.

For God's sakes, if a doctor can do it,
why can't we?

Anyway...

that's it.

I'm sorry, bub.

The bags are in the car.
And I guess we'd better go.