Secret Agent (1964–1967): Season 2, Episode 19 - Two Birds with One Bullet - full transcript

Hold it. -Is good? -Yes, charming.
I'll use it on my Christmas cards.

Now, you want I strangle her?

No no, but
I'll send for you

next time I stage a riot.

For the riot you'll see what

a wonderful actor is my son.

My wife, she paints
blood all over his head.

Yeah, I'll bear it in mind.

Thank you, Mr. Black.

I have pleasure to do business with you.

Yeah, oh the rifle and
the jacket please, Jose.



The sergeant might miss them.

Ah, in the excitement of
the performance, I forget.

Thanks very much, Jose.

Hey, you.

Where'd you get that rifle?

Well, I, it's --

Get down!

Come, Mr. Black.

You do not want to be
here to answer questions

when the policeman returns.

Go.

Aldo, lights.

We have seen enough.

Congratulations, Mr. Black.



Imperialist colonial brutality.

Helps to sell newspapers.

I like your style.

It has what I call the human touch.

But will your paper there print it?

Oh yes, in bright red ink.

It'll help you to be elected, Dr. Shargis.

You've used an Enfield Model 14.

Why not the new automatic rifle?

Oh forgive me, ma'am.

It was the only thing to hand at the time.

As head of our security,

it is Captain Lin's job
to question everything.

Yes, naturally.

We're surprised so important a newspaper

sent a correspondent to our shores.

Well, the eyes of the world

are on these shores, Dr. Shargis.

And when you're elected,

it'll be a great victory for
anti-imperialists everywhere.

A cigar, sir.

Cuban?
-Havana Havana.

The win is not always important.

We give the lion's tail a little twist.

And when he goes back to
sleep, we twist again.

Yes, your boys could improve their aim

with those bottle bombs.

They nearly got my eyebrows
singed this afternoon.

I cannot give you much
more time today, Black.

I must rehearse my election speech.

This recorder helps me to judge
the effect of my own words.

Oh yes, very modern equipment.

We are not naked savages with sticks.

In there, I have a radio booth

through which my words can reach

every corner of my country.

With the latest British equipment.

The room is completely soundproof.

Ah yes.
-Your camera.

It's German.

West German, yes. I could
do with a few pictures

of you at work, Dr. Shargis,
if you don't mind.

Gladly.

But do not include the tape
recorder.

Unfortunately it is American.

Yeah.

Now that's good, just hold on there.

Okay that's good, hold that, great.

Naturally, you will submit them

for my approval?

Oh yes yes, naturally, now.

Yes, that's nice.

Good.
-Just there.

Just hold it for a sec.

That's very good.

Aldo, I wish Senor Black

to meet the rest of our official family.

So where is Singri Rhamin?

I'm here, Dr. Shargis.

What were you doing on
the balcony, my friend?

Preparing the large speaker system

for your election day address, sir.

Ah.

This is Mr. Black from the
People's Gazette in London.

A pleasure.

I'm a constant reader.

Yes and a contributor,
if I remember rightly.

Yes indeed.

Dr. Shargis would like to go over

the treasurer's report today, Singri.

Thank you for reminding me, my dear Pilar.

They're in the safe.

I will see to them later.

Singri, take a look
at Black's photographs.

Captain Lin is concerned
about the old model rifle.

That's a failing of beautiful women

to be too meticulous.

You worry too much about details.

The gun will do very well.

Now what are your plans?

Oh, to cover all strikes,

demonstrations, civil
disobedience, the lot.

Your camera will be busy on election day.

The square will be filled with
the followers of Dr. Shargis.

A personal tribute to his
leadership and popularity.

The tribute is not for me, Singri.

It's for our cause.

I tell you, Black, without Singri Rhamin,

the great work would move more slowly.

He is my strong right arm.

There is no room for
weakness in the party.

Dr. Shargis leaves us no alternative

but to follow like happy sheep.

We must let Dr. Shargis get on with

his work now, Singri.

Do not forget your nap, Doctor.

Oh no, the rest will do you good.

Is there anywhere here
I could develop my pictures?

Yes, we have a fully equipped
dark room in the basement.

You may use it.

Oh good, would you show
me where it is, please?

A guard will take you.

All right.

Thank you very much.

Dr. Shargis.

A very intelligent man, Aldo.

Do not let him out of your sight.

A Missionary's Downfall.

Light Demerara.

And easy on the lime.

My message was for 4:30.

The same Pilar, as impatient as ever.

You've changed your
hairstyle since Belgrade.

It suits you.

Well the hairstyles there
weren't very avant garde.

But that was three years ago, John.

We've got a lot to catch up on.

It's good to be working together again.

Well, the boys said you've been sending

up rockets for help.

I specifically asked for you.

Didn't they tell you?

Yes, they implied it.

What's your problem?

Dr. Shargis is going to be assassinated

by his own party.

The living oracle?

Why?

They think he's obsolete and expendable.

And they're going to
make it look as though

the British government
is in on the killing.

Well, that's one way to
get sympathy and votes.

We must protect Shargis.

It would really hurt
British and American

interests if he was killed.

And cost hundreds of innocent lives.

We don't like him but he's a safety valve.

Without him, the whole
place would blow up.

That's the very reason
they want him murdered.

Who's to be the assassin?

I don't know yet.

But Shargis runs this training school

for his, what he calls, freedom fighters.

Any one of them could've
been picked for the job.

Can you get me in
there? Say it's for a story.

Well I don't know.

It's very hush hush.

Rhamin, where does he come into this?

Nowhere yet.

Any indication when the
attempt might be made?

No, but it must be before the election.

Yeah.

Keep an eye on Rhamin.

He could turn out to be a post
graduate in assassination.

I will.

You took these pictures?

Don't you like them?

I think that's rather
effective, don't you?

Wait here a minute, please.

I think perhaps we had
better go, Mr. Black.

Yeah.

You'd better not get involved.

I'll wait outside then.

Right.

Mr. Black, this photograph,
there's some doubt

as to what's--
-What's wrong with it?

The British sergeant is not
wearing regulation weaponry.

I didn't issue it.

Yes, but you did take the picture.

I must ask you to come along
with me. A few questions.

Can't you ask them here?

It is not I who will
be doing the questioning.

All right, fine.

All right, well.

Rustics in an undeveloped country.

Is that what you take us for, Mr. Black?

No sir.
-Yes sir.

I defy the London CID crowd to round up

accomplices more quickly.

But sir, I only--

Lock these clowns up for a few days.

I'm not done with you yet.

You're for the high jump.

Fake atrocity pictures.

Not quite your style, Drake.

Well, they got me where
I wanted to be, Winlow.

In your pocket.

Whitehall's wasting the taxpayers'
money, sending you here.

We don't anticipate any
trouble from Shargis' crowd.

He'll lose the election quietly, as usual.

He may not get the chance.

People in his own party want him killed.

Ridiculous, Shargis is too popular.

That's the point.

Assassination of popular
nationalist candidate,

the British government are to blame,

country goes wild, mad dogs and terrorists

go out in the noonday sun.

I don't like Shargis,

but at least with him,
you know where you are.

Behind all this political jargon,

he does care for his people.

That's right.

And if he is assassinated,

popular sympathy would give the election

to his party and the country

will be under the
control of his successor.

The point is who've they picked.

It'll be old news in 48 hours.

I'll stick close to Shargis.

That's your job.

But if you get yourself
caught in the middle,

I won't be able to pull you out.

Oh and Jose and his--
-And his wife and child.

I won't be able to hold them.

Now that you've confessed.

Ah.
-Get in, Mr. Black.

The inevitable Aldo.

You had us worried, Mr. Black.

We come to pay your bail

and we are told that you are
to be released without bail.

Now why is this?

Well, they're holding my passport.

I'm supposed to pick it up on my way

out of the country in 48 hours.

You said you wanted to see how

we train our young guerilla
leaders, Mr. Black.

Oh yes, people's armed militia

sounds like a good story.

We prefer the phrase
civil persuasion, Mr. Black.

Even at 70, I do not neglect the training

that makes our party strong and ready.

Together, we will hurl our
opponents to the ground

as easily as this.

Now that you've seen my skill,

let me see yours.

Dr. Shargis, as always,

you are an inspiration to our young men.

I am grateful that the authorities

released you in time to
witness these demonstrations.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

You shall see the art of
swift political retaliation

against an enemy of my peoples.

Six seconds.

Dead center, very good.

This next exercise was
devised by Dr. Shargis himself.

We are very proud to say that

it is now being used in
many parts of the world.

In the countries where men also train

to overthrow their oppressors.

Home movies?
-Over there, Mr. Black.

You'll be out of the line of fire.

That's very considerate
of you, Captain Lin.

Now.

As you see, Mr. Black, right on target.

Well done, Juanita.
-Bravo.

Well done Juanita.

Yes, a credit to your
methods, Captain Lin.

Too bad it was only a film.

I know our worthy commissioner of police

has caused you some inconvenience,

but I can assure you,

he will not live to enjoy his pension.

Ah, time grows short, Aldo.

I have not yet finished
recording my speech.

Will you drive me home?

Unfortunately, Father, I promised to help

Singri Rhamin and Captain Lin

with the new recruits.

Well, perhaps Mr. Black
wouldn't mind driving him.

Oh, I'd be glad to.

My car is outside.

Squad!

Next.

Ready?

Now.

An impressive performance, Doctor.

My opponent and I rehearse carefully.

Dishonest, but when one is 70,

it always impresses the young ones.

Have you complete confidence

in your political associates?

I am a good judge of character.

The people around me are handpicked.

I guide them as you guide
the wheel of this car.

Foot brake's gone.

Impossible.

Aldo services the car himself.

No one else is allowed near it.

Hand brake too.

You see the kind of
enemy we have, Mr. Black.

Someone is afraid I will win the election.

Who sabotaged the car?

I don't know yet.

Aldo?

Look, there's no point guessing.

There's bound to be another attempt

since the one tonight failed.

You must stay near him.

Look, here's the key to the
French windows of his study.

That part of the building

opens up onto the square.

We must keep Shargis alive.

Each day, one learns more
of the evils of politics.

Lights.

Choose the lesser of two evils.

Protect the least
poisonous of the monsters.

Who will you choose to lead you?

Those traitors, whose lips
are filled with promises.

Those misguided politicians.

But what else?

That you will be granted independence

when you are fully
-prepared to receive it.

When will that day come?

When your grandchildren
are old and toothless.

Wait for cheers.

Throughout my life, I have fought for you.

I and patriots like Singri Rhamin,

who will one day pick up the torch

when it falls from my hand,

we will lead this country from--

with your votes, we
will lead this country --

From the swamps of imperialist, colonial,

Senor Black.

Don't be alarmed, Dr. Shargis.

My gratitude to you for saving my life

does not permit free
entry through my window.

I had to see you when no member

of your staff was present.
-My staff?

Yes, one of them is responsible

for sabotaging your car.

On what do you base
this preposterous charge?

On information received in my capacity

as a British agent.

If that were true,

I am the last person in this country

that you would tell.

I have to tell you because
I need your confidence.

Your actions do not inspire confidence,

whatever government you work for.

Believe me, Dr. Shargis.

There are people in your
party who want you eliminated.

Fantasies, Senor Black.
-If they've tried once,

they'll try again.

No man has more devoted followers than I.

Because you removed those who weren't.

That is why I have lived so long.

Murmurings from any faction

are reported to me
instantly by Singri Rhamin.

His hand is on the pulse of the party.

Perhaps he's losing his touch.

He's lost nothing, Mr. Black.

You see, I am protected day and night.

Captain Lin is a very accurate shot.

This is an expected pleasure, Mr. Black.

By his own admission,

this man is a British agent.

We shall have to get rid of him.

Father!

The murder weapon, Mr. Black.

Aldo, don't be so foolish.

He's much more valuable to us alive.

I'm to be the scapegoat.

Very clever of you.

If the fingerprints were disturbed,

our worthy Commissioner of police

might find it difficult to believe

that a British agent pulled the trigger.

We're going to turn him over

to the British authorities?

They are noted for their justice.

This man must be tried legally.

Don't you see the effect that would

have on public opinion, Aldo?

Aldo, it's what your father would want.

Don't believe them.

They're tricking you.

If the British don't kill you, I will.

All right, open up.

Just in time.

Now I'm looking for an 11 letter word

beginning with Z and ending in H-I-C.

Do you realize
our switchboard is blocked?

More than 600 calls since the news broke,

all demanding the death penalty for you.

You really should do the Times crossword.

It's most enlightening.

Oh, I've got it.

Zygomorphic.

You better read our local paper for once.

What's their crossword like?

You're for the high jump, Drake.

Don't you realize it?

Where's my camera, Winlow?

That's all you can think of,

with bombings all over the capital

and the mob howling for your head?

My camera?

Off the record,

did you shoot him?

I've gotta get out of here.
-I'd oblige if possible.

But you're the season's burnt offering.

I won't embarrass you, I'll escape.

Well that would be the most embarrassing

thing you could do.

Don't play the stiff
upper lip with me, Winlow.

I have to get out of here tonight,

otherwise Rhamin will be elected president

and you'll be deported
as an undesirable alien.

If they bring feelings high enough,

they might just win this time.

Add to that a timely shipment of arms

and another independent
nation loses its independence.

All right, you win, but how?

I suppose I could stand you
in front of a firing squad.

Blank cartridges.

What about the body?

A quiet funeral, an empty grave.

Takes too long.

Well how about shot trying to escape?

You'll still have to produce

the bullet riddled body.

Cholera, sealed coffin.

They'd tear it open at the nails

to make sure I was inside.

What have you done with Jose?

I released him.

Can you get him quick?

I have a job for him.

What, the old double switch?

Prison chaplain changing clothes?

You've been reading too many thrillers.

No, I think I have the way out of here,

but I'll need a little help from you.

The government wants no part of you.

My men will have orders
to shoot you on sight.

I don't think Rhamin's crowd will do less.

You're burning my candle at both ends.

Open up.

Black, your trial starts in the morning.

You'll be convicted by noon, I'd say.

Someone must have put
pressure on the governor.

I brought you a bed roll,

so you can taste justice
on a good night's sleep.

Yes, what am I going to
do about these bed bugs?

Is Jose ready?

On the guard change.

When the clock bell strikes the half hour.

Bed bugs are the least of your worries.

I make it 8:20 now.

That's right.

Did you put the jelly in?

Don't blow your head off.

It's my duty to advise you

to use the services of a barrister.

I'll bear it in mind.
-Right.

Guard?

What are you doing there?

I'm just finishing it off.

Very tricky.

You're early tonight, Pablo.

What's for supper?

Chicken and rice.

It's a sure sign.

Always chicken before an execution.

Death to Shargis' assassin.

Death to Shargis' murderer!

What the devil is happening here?

This simple tape can put
the country in our pockets.

Our star is rising, Pilar,

and you have helped it to rise.

It was a stroke of brilliance

to lure the British agent into the trap.

The harder he defends himself,

the guiltier he'll look.

I'd better put our money in the safe.

The people's money.

500,000.
-Oh, the tape.

You'd better put that in too.

Especially the tape.

It's worth a lot more than the money.

500,000.

Should purchase
quite a fair sized revolution.

It would be cheaper to win by
votes than by revolution.

But if you should lose tomorrow,

we are prepared to reverse the decision.

Singri, what's the matter?

He was good to me.

Almost like a father.

We must always remember him

with a great deal of
affection, mustn't we?

Hey.

Don't you ever go home, Winlow?

30 men are combing the city for you,

and you turn up here?

I wanted a quiet place to work.

I need your tape recorder.

It's over there.

What exactly are you trying to do, Drake?

I think I ought to know.

Plug that in.

And I shall have to ask you to leave

if you're going to bother me
with a lot of stupid questions.

I want a fresh tape.

And scissors.

Thank you.

Winlow here.

You have?

Good work, Corporal.

We'll have a look at him.

Well Drake, you've just been
captured on the waterfront.

They're bringing you in.

Fine, I hope they're
not too rough with me.

I want some sticky tape.

Don't know if we've got any.

Oh yes.

Here you are.

What are you trying to do?

Now, I recorded this in Shargis' office

the day I met him there.

That's a failing of beautiful women

to be too meticulous.

You worry too much about details.

The gun will do very well.

Now what are your plans?

Now.

Listen to this.

He is my strong right arm.

There is no room
for weakness in the party.

Dr. Shargis leaves us no alternative

but to follow like happy sheep.

There is no room for
weakness in the party.

Dr. Shargis leaves us no alternative--

How do you want him liquidated, Rhamin?

Now.

You worry about details.

The gun will do very well.

The tape recorder can't lie, eh?

Here's 20,000 in bills.

Put it in your safe.

Where the devil did you get it?

When you arrested me yesterday,

you found it in my pocket.

It's the down payment from
Rhamin to murder Shargis.

Murder Shargis, eh?

That's right.

Here, plug this in, will you?

The rest is in Shargis' safe.
Now make us a cup of tea.

It's going to be a hard night.

I've got Shargis election speech here.

I've got to get it back in the safe

before they realize it's missing,

with a few interesting additions.

Haven't much time.

That's why you'd better
hurry up with the tea,

and there are one or two more things

I want you to get me.

Like another tape recorder.

Now, that's it.

And there we are.

Stand by when the speeches start

with every available man you can muster.

Certainly will.

Through the window, if you don't mind.

You're still a fugitive, remember?

Yeah.

Well, thanks for the tea.

Who left this here?

I don't know.

Perhaps it was Senor Aldo.

He has been here many hours.

Oh.

You will stay here on duty until I return.

You'll let no one in except
Captain Lin and myself.

Now, is that clear?

Certainly, Mr. Pre--

Why do you smile?

I almost said Mr. President.

You must not be too hasty, my friend.

I haven't even been nominated -- yet.

These agents of the imperialists

who killed my father,
murdered your leader.

And where is this hired assassin now, eh?

The authorities dare to
tell us that he has escaped.

They think that they can destroy

our movement by killing our leader.

But when the polls open
this afternoon, my friends,

your votes will prove them wrong.

Your votes will be for the
movement, not for the man.

You may go.

Aldo has been talking out
there for 15 minutes now

without once mentioning my name.

That boy is getting too fond

of the sound of his own voice.

Oh, let him play Hamlet.

I don't like Drake being at large.

He might come here.

He's probably on his way back

to England by now to report
mission not accomplished.

Maybe.

We'd better go down to the grieving son.

Make sure the crowd doesn't start

shouting the name Aldo Shargis.

Will you calm down?

Your insurance is Dr.Shargis'
own recorded words.

When they hear your name
from the martyr's own lips,

there'll be no question whose name

is on the ballot then.

Recording booth is in order.

You'll handle this
recording yourself, Pilar.

I want no bungling with that tape.

Yes, Singri.

11 o'clock, the broadcast.

12 o'clock, the funeral.

And one o'clock, the nominations.

The polls open at three.

Aldo, my dear, I think it's time

you should introduce Singri.

Perhaps they would want to hear about my--

That will not be necessary.

Just a brief mention of how close

I was to your father and
how we worked together.

I'll go and get the tape ready.

Don't waste your breath shouting for help.

It's quite soundproof, as you told me.

I'm not going to let you

prevent the people from hearing that tape.

Put it on the machine and thread it up.

Your recent demonstration of marksmanship

was most persuasive.

I'm not letting you out of my sight

until the broadcast is over.

And then I suppose there's

the intrepid capture of the assassin.

You'll hand me over for
trial and execution.

It'll be my pleasure.

As well as my duty.

You have heard from the son

of our martyred leader.

We are gathered here today

to choose a candidate who can push forward

the great work of Dr. Shargis.

We seek a leader of dedication.

One whom the martyr himself would choose.

A modest man, Mr. Rhamin.

Little men think little.

What would you know of
the glory of real power?

No poor words of mine

can touch your hearts as can
the words of Dr. Shargis.

You will now hear the speech he was taping

when the assassin's bullet cut him down.

The very words of Dr. Shargis.

Start the tape.

Members of the Nationalist Party,

once again, we face an election.

Whom will you choose to lead you?

Those traitors whose lips
are filled with promises?

But why would you
want to get rid of him, Rhamin?

Dr. Shargis leaves us no alternative.

There is no room for
weakness in the party.

Turn that off.

How do you want him liquidated, Rhamin?

You worry too much over details.

The gun will do very well.

All right Rhamin,
but the money isn't enough.

You'll have to double it.

20,000 or no deal.

In the safe.

I'll slip into his room after dark.

You see that the guards
are taken care of, Rhamin.

I'll see to that.

Who's taking over
after we get rid of Shargis?

I am.

Do the others know
or is this your own idea?

Captain Lin is with me.

The rest will follow like sheep.

Lies.

This is a fraud, you know I loved him.

Seize him.

Stop him!

But.

I didn't.

Don't move!

Drop your rifles.

Drop them.

Now you know who framed me.

I have now returned the compliment.

They hired you to kill my father.

Don't move.

I was not the assassin.

She killed him, she and Rhamin planned it.

And what did you do to stop them?

I reversed the process.

Your party is bound to
win the election now.

Your father did not die in vain.

I wish I could've saved him.

You care, Englishman?

Our methods differ.

But he believed in his people.

You are a strange enemy, Mr. Black.

But I believe you.

Perhaps we need more men like you.

You have much power in your country now.

I hope you also have a little mercy.