Secret Agent (1964–1967): Season 2, Episode 15 - Someone Is Liable to Get Hurt - full transcript

That you, Fortunato?

Fortunato?

Hey, is that you Fortunato?

Prince!

Nero, stop barking!

Stand by for
the report number five

on the activities of Dr. Sawarl.

This is Dr. Sawaril who is trying

to take over the
government by force.

Our agent The Frogman Davis

discovered that Sawarl had been trying



to buy arms illegally.

Nothing has been heard
from Davis for several days

and he must be assumed dead.

Although Sawarl appears on the surface

to be loyal to the government,

his friend and ally Colonel
Maturin is not so discreet.

He's given several interviews to the press

stating that a revolution is the only way

to cure the country's problems.

Your job is to get out there right away

and take over where Davis left off.

Find out what Sawarl
and Maturin are up to,

who the gunrunners are, and make sure

there is no illegal arms deal.



Please excuse the heat, Mr. Collins.

The air conditioning is
not working properly yet.

Building is only just
finished, you understand.

New offices in a new building?

The party's going up in the world.

But of course.

We have the answers to all the troubles

of this unfortunate land.

So Mr. Collins, you are a journalist.

That's correct.

And what can I do for you, my dear sir?

I'd like you to arrange
a personal interview

with Dr. Sawari.

Would you care for a cigar?

Thank you.

Do you anticipate that my
request can easily be fulfilled?

Dr. Sawari is a very busy man.

It won't take more than 15 minutes.

To Dr. Sawari, 15 minutes

is not an inconsiderable time.

Fine, 10 minutes.

You must realize that you journalists

have not always been kind to the doctor.

He's a man of extreme sensibility.

Mr. Chand, can you or can
you not arrange this interview?

Scotch?
-Thanks.

Soda or water?

As it is.

What about the interview?

Would you pose questions

of a political nature, Mr. Collins?

Oh, only in the broadest
sense, you understand.

How broad?

Well, I wouldn't ask him, for instance,

how he intends to win the next election.

But he will win the
next election, Mr. Collins.

At the moment, he holds
20 seats out of 112.

If your questions are gonna
be entirely political.

I can answer for Dr. Sawari.

My answers will be his
answers, I assure you.

The line of our party is
very clear on all issues.

There are certain personal
questions I'd like to ask

which only he himself could answer.

May I ask, Mr. Collins, if your article

will be sympathetic?

Mr. Chand, I work for
a reputable newspaper.

If Dr. Sawari can't spare
me 10 minutes of his time

neither you or he can blame me

if my article is not sympathetic.

I see.

I will have a word with Miss Kallai.

She may be able to help you.

I'm grateful to you, Mr. Chand.

Thank you.

The doctor plays a good game,
even if he does take his time.

He won't keep
you waiting long now.

Where are you staying?

At The Blue Rivers.

They do a good pepper pot there.

Have you tried it?

So far my eating has been conservative.

Surprising.
-Surprising?

You're not the conservative type.

It's his reverse backhand
that wins the points.

You sound like an authority.

What kind of dish is it?

Spicy and hot.

What goes into it?

Oxtail, calf's head and slices of pork,

boiled in cassava juice and
spiced with peppers and thyme.

It's appetizing, do you play?

No, I don't play any game.

Surprising.

Not really, it's very simple.

I hate losing.

I'll remember that.

Why?

We're not going to meet again.

Oh, he's won.

He'll be polite, he'll be charming,

but don't take more than
15 minutes of his time.

Chris, there's someone
waiting to meet you.

Mr. Collins from London,
he's a journalist.

Mr. Collins, this is Dr. Sawari.

How do you do, Mr. Collins?

Grateful, Dr. Sawari, you could spare me

a few minutes of your valuable time.

Please sit down.

It's important to keep fit, you know.

Ah yes.

Mens Sana in corpore sano --

Yes, it's true.

If the body is sickly, the
mind tends to degenerate also.

Too many people in high
places neglect their bodies.

Would you say that your
present prime minister

is a case in point?

You mustn't
begin this interview

by putting words in my mouth, Mr. Collins.

He is a corpulent man.

He weighs 200 pounds, I believe.

He's done a good job since he took office.

He's very popular with the
people, wouldn't you say?

As leader of the opposition,

do you think it's likely that I'd agree?

The people's party, Mr. Collins,

is like those cocoa trees which suffer

from swollen shoot disease.

They continue to produce
fruit for a limited time

but they are in fact already dead.

We're back on the subject of health, then?

Precisely.

Our present prime minister

is being prodigal with
our country's resources.

In two years' time we'll be bankrupt.

But the election's in six months.

Surely you don't expect
to gain a majority.

We're enlightening the electorate

to the perils that face us.

You're still going to lose the elections.

You're provoking me.

The truth often is provoking.

I think I may terminate
this interview, Mr. Collins.

Well, aren't you
interested in the possibility

that I might be able to help you?

With words.

With arms.

Arms.

Yes, you are planning an insurrection,

are you not, at this very moment,

negotiating for weapons, isn't that so?

How dare you talk to me
like that, Mr. Collins.

I can provide you with the very best

in automatic rifles,
mortars, tanks, airplanes,

if you want them, and at
very competitive prices.

You're talking yourself
behind bars, Mr. Collins.

Am I?

I'll give you 24 hours
to get out of the country.

Well in that case, Dr. Sawari,

if you'll excuse me, I'll go and pack.

Time, isn't it, that I saw
the whites of your eyes?

Do you have a cigarette?

Why do you hide behind these things?

Because I don't want
to give anything away.

You can have them back when you leave.

You're taking a monstrous advantage.

But you invited me to.

Are these all the samples you have?

I thought it might be a little difficult

to get one of my tanks through customs.

You didn't take a light.

The Smith and Boson repeating
rifle looks interesting.

I didn't have time to assemble it.

Allow me.

Are you here under the
doctor's instructions?

I came to find out if you
were a genuine arms dealer.

And do my samples and
literature satisfy you that I am?

That, and my intuition.

Does the doctor rely
heavily on your intuition?

He's in his present
position because of it.

You're certainly an "eminence
grise" with a difference.

How many rounds does the magazine take?

40, fires as fast as
you can pull the trigger,

hit a beer can at 100 yards.

Most impressive.

But I suspect you're a marksman.

What about an average shot?

Try it.

That's four out of six,
that's fairly respectable.

It's a good gun.

What about the price?

Want to do business?

Yes, I want to do business.

Then we'd better start level.

That should make me very angry.

How many are you in the market for?

Why doesn't it make me angry?

10,000.

Because I'm a very amiable fellow.

One million dollars.

There's a very cold
streak in you, Mr. Collins.

John Collins.

That's a hundred dollars a weapon.

Let's see if there's a mean streak in you.

Wouldn't you say it
was a reasonable price?

At this moment we're negotiating

with a competitor of
yours for the Swaab 300.

It's an inferior weapon.

It's five dollars cheaper.

Eh, who are my rivals?

Boujard, Dunnelman, Hamiliton?

None of those.

Aren't you going to tell me?

No.

Yes, you're quite right.

We might scheme to undercut you.

What if I offered you the
Smith and Boson at 95?

Are you?
-Yes.

Ammunition?

20 cents a round.

When can you deliver?

14 days, that satisfactory?

I'll have to find out.

I'll let you know in 24 hours.

I'm supposed to be out of
the country in that time,

doctor's orders.

I think we can say you've
been granted a reprieve.

Don't think that I don't know

what you're going to do next.

I don't take you for a fool.

However much my rival comes down,

I'm not going any lower.

90?

When you come back, I may not be around.

I'll have to take that chance, won't I?

Yes, you will.

Oh and Miss Kallai, knock
on the door next time!

Mr. Collins?

Yes?

I thought it was time that we met.

Really?

Yes, we have something in common, you see.

May I come in?

I can't imagine what it is.

Perhaps you'd care to enlighten me.

Indeed I will.

Ah, it is pleasantly cool in here.

Don't you like the heat?

I don't like to sweat.

Do you perspire easily?

Unfortunately, yes.

For that reason, I try to exert myself

as little as possible.

Oh, allow me to offer you a lager.

It's still reasonably chilled.

You were expecting a visitor?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I was.

I shouldn't like to deprive your guest.

Oh, I can always send down for some more.

In that case, yes, thank you.

You forgot to introduce
yourself, by the way.

That was intentional.

I see.

I imagine for example that
your name isn't Collins.

But call me, call me
Sporades, that is a name

I like very much.

How do you do, Mr. Sporades?

How do you do, Mr. Collins?

Would you care to sit down
while you're enlightening me?

Thank you, no, I prefer to stand.

I'm always agitated when I have
something unpleasant to do.

That's a weakness.

I had thought
of sending two of my men,

but my curiosity got the better of me.

That's another weakness, Mr. Sporades.

Yes, I know.

But fortunately my weaknesses are balanced

by strengths which more than compensate.

Yes, cigarette, would you like?

No, no, no thank you, I only smoke these.

Turkish?

Would you care for one?

No, I'm out anyway.

I'll get another pack.

Agreeable as
these preliminaries are,

Mr. Collins, I think it is time

that I got down to the nub of the matter.

By all means, Mr. Sporades, by all means.

You can put that away now.

These are quite harmless.

My suspicious nature
is one of my strengths.

The nub, Mr. Sporades, the nub.

It is very simple.

You are treading on my toes.

I am going to ask you
to keep away from me.

How could I do that,
I've never seen you before.

You understand perfectly what I am saying.

Oh yes, but I'd like you to spell it out.

The doctor.

I have been negotiating
a deal with him for a week.

We are reaching agreement
on the price, and then--

Then I came along.

In this business,

we do not undercut each
other, Mr. Collins.

We are all honorable men.

Your sense of
humor is a little ironic.

I have the feeling that you're about

to issue some form of threat.

I told you it is simple,
do not sell to Dr. Sawari.

And if I do?

Surely you don't want
me to say, Mr. Collins.

But I do, Mr. Sporades, I do.

It has a way of sounding so melodramatic.

Oh, please, Mr. Sporades, say it.

Very well, if you insist.

Please don't hesitate.

You'll ruin the effect.

If you sell your weapons to
Sawari's party, Mr. Collins,

make no mistake, I will have you killed.

Oh, that didn't sound
in the least melodramatic.

On the contrary, I thought
it was rather prosaic.

I'm glad you can laugh about it.

I will go now and leave
you to your next visitor.

May she bring you pleasure.

She?

Thank you for your hospitality.

Pleasure.

Goodbye, Mr. Collins.

I'm very happy that you've returned them.

Your need is greater than mine.

Cocktail?

I did knock this time, by the way.

When I think of the ease
with which you enter my room,

it doesn't speak very highly

for the hotel's security system.

I must confess, when you weren't there,

I thought I'd lost the bet.

Did your heart flutter for a second?

For a fraction, yes.

Then I saw your luggage.

Why don't we sit over here?

The jasmine from the
garden's very fragrant.

Where were you this afternoon?

Let's say I got restless.

Can you smell the jasmine?

Yes.

Very fragrant.

Why do you want power, Miss Kallai?

Do you imagine that's a man's prerogative?

You appear to be a lady
who, uh, has everything.

Perhaps that's your answer.

Do you always get your own way?

Don't force me to put my glasses on.

You're going to dine with me.

How nice.

Does that mean the deal's on?

There are still problems.

It's a question of having
machine guns and mortars.

Ah, good evening.

I thought the jasmine had
a strange fragrance of Havana.

You will be Colonel Maturin?

Dr. Sawari.

Regarding the machine guns and mortars,

there's no problem.

I have Browning MGs and Kovac mortars.

You can supply shells for the Kovacs?

Oh yes, of course.

Apart from the Browning,
I've also got the Velletta.

25 Brownings, 15 Kovacs.

Your original estimate,
Colonel, was 20 and 10.

I revised that estimate, Doctor.

And your prices?

300 for the Browning, 450 for the Kovac.

Yes.

If you put in the Smith and Bosons at 90.

My rival must have come down.

He accepted 90, yes.

But we prefer to deal with you.

I don't like the Swaab.
-And I don't like $90.

Colonel, you should
sometimes think a little more

before you speak.

You've just cost the
lady $50,000, Colonel.

I still don't like the Swaab.

All right, Mr. Collins, $95.

Delivery's got to be in 10 days.

That's possible, isn't it?

Oh it's possible, yes.

It has to be yes or no.

If it's no we must use Volos,

he can deliver immediately.

So, Volos is my rival.

It would have been better if
you'd not mentioned his name.

That is unimportant now.

Could you produce the arms
in the time, Mr. Collins.

I shall have
to send a cable at once.

If you give me the message,
I'll see it goes out tonight.

Yes, of course.

I shall expect cash in advance.

Naturally.

Where do you want the goods delivered?

To my private airfield at Tabio.

Where do you keep your supplies?

At the place where I keep them.

How charming.

Shall we go in?

I thought you'd like to try a pepper pot.

I trust it will be to your taste.

Yeah, I'm sure it will.

I think you'll find the amount is right.

Ah.

The check is certified.

Then we're in business.

Do you mind if I close the windows?

It's getting cool.

Did you think it was obvious

the way I gave them their conge?

Yes, you did seem to hurry them away.

The Colonel is not amusing.

I like to spend only as much
time with him as I have to.

And the doctor?

Very preoccupied right now.

With the revolution on his hands,

that's hardly surprising, is it?

Am I preoccupied?

You, Miss Kallai, are
a very singular lady.

I'm going to take that as a compliment.

You should.

May I ask why you didn't
hurry me away as well?

You always manage to disconcert me.

I wish you wouldn't do that.

I'd never have known unless you told me.

You intrigue me because
you don't need dark glasses.

Your eyes give nothing
away, nothing at all.

It's gratifying to hear that.

And yet quite suddenly at dinner,

my intuition veered.

Veered, does that mean
you no longer trust me?

I never trust anyone.

No, it's more complicated than that.

Are you going to stop
on that intriguing note?

Why don't you play something?

I think perhaps--
-Oh, please do.

I should go.

You're tired?

Would you like me to
show you to your room?

My room?

Yes, your room.

Here?

Here.

I'm sorry, I must have
misread the invitation.

I didn't bring my toothbrush.

You'll find one in your room.

Pyjamas?

If you like.

I'd love to stay, but
unfortunately I'm down

for the dawn patrol tomorrow morning, so--

I'll send for your things in the morning.

You'll find it's far more comfortable here

than at your hotel.

I'm quite sure you rate
a four star classification,

but nevertheless, good night.

You're going to be here for 10 days.

Until the goods are delivered.

Yes.

Colonel Maturin wants to be sure

about his guns, and
Dr. Sawarl wants to be sure

that you don't talk.

And you, Miss Kallai?

I want to be sure that
Volos doesn't kill you.

That's very touching.

And I also want to be sure

that my original intuition
about you was the right one.

And uh, if it wasn't?

I'll kill you.

You know, Miss Kallai, as a personality,

you're beginning to grow on me, but--

But?

I'm going back to my hotel.

I uh, wonder if you'd be kind enough

to show me to my room.

Thank you.

Good morning, sir.

Is it?

What would you like for breakfast, sir?

Two poached eggs.

I put your clothes from the
hotel in the dressing room.

Hope you paid the bill.

There's a note here.

I believe it needs an answer.

"I hope you slept well".

"If you are agreeable",

"perhaps you will join me for breakfast".

"Please signify."

Signified.

X is always the unknown
quantity, isn't it?

Always.

Did you sleep well?

Oh, very well indeed

considering the unusual
lighting arrangements

outside my window and the two
gentlemen outside my door.

You promised to be agreeable.

I'm smiling.

While we're on the subject,
what are those two fellows

doing over there in the shrubbery?

They're weeding.

And I suppose if you
open any door in the place

you'll find someone inside, weeding.

Obviously you don't find
me sufficiently distracting.

Just how many servants
do you employ, Miss Kallai?

A good general, I'm told,

never reveals the strength
or the dispositions

of his forces.

Stop playing soldiers.

And play?

Anything else.

By the way, there were
several things missing

from my baggage.

That was me, I removed your samples.

I'd like them back, if you don't mind.

and so you shall, in nine days' time.

There was no ammunition.

There is a grenade.

Wasn't fused.

You're very persuasive, but no.

Eat your eggs, they'll get cold.

John?

Yes, Miss Kallai?

There was a strange little
gadget among your things.

What was it?

A little gadget.

What's it for?

When am I to be allowed out for exercise?

Even convicts are granted that privilege.

The time will soon go by.

John?

Yes, Miss Kallai?

You didn't tell me what
that little gadget was

in your luggage.

Didn't I?

No.

It's a sample.

But it's not a weapon.

No.

Why won't you tell me what it is?

I will if you're really interested.

I am.

It's a tracking device.

It responds to impulses.

And why do you need it?

What do you use it for?

I told you, it's a sample, I don't.

How is it
connected with selling arms?

It isn't.
-You sell?

Anything.

Does that include people?

This is a very strange conversation.

Perhaps it's the situation.

Perhaps.

Now if you don't mind, I'd like to retire.

Would you be kind enough
to ring for my keepers?

Are you bored with my conversation?

On the contrary,
I find it very stimulating,

but I don't want to overdo it.

Please don't.

If there's anything you
want, you've only to ask.

Excluding my freedom, of course.

Is there anything?

Yes, I've smoked too many cigars,

I'd like something to cleanse my palate.

What?

A melon.

I'll have it in my room.

Mr. Collins!

Mr. Collins!

Mr. Collins!

There he is!

Mr. Collins!

You should have your guttering fixed.

Someday, someone is liable to get hurt.

Now that my wings are clipped,

does he have to stay out there?

You're a very ingenious man.

I can't afford to relax.

It's a pity.

I'll have that brandy now.

Does it hurt very much?

Throbs.

It looks as though I'm about
to leave the frying pan.

Ah, good evening, Miss Kallai.

Please forgive me for dropping
in like this, unannounced.

You'll excuse me for eating,

but I had a certain apprehension

about the success of the raid.

I find food always has a soothing effect.

Volos, I will never
excuse you, not after this.

Mm, I apologize.

What happened to you, Mr. Collins?

I was clumsy.

I find that hard to believe.

Though I admit I have no objection

to seeing you handicapped.

Won't you both take some coffee with me?

I'd like less politeness,
Volos, and a quick explanation.

Black, or with milk?

Mr. Volos can't help being polite.

I'll take mine black.

It was my strict upbringing
as a child, you see.

Sugar?

May I help myself?

Certainly.

Now, if we've finished
with the formalities.

You're using the wrong
tactics, Miss Kallai.

Would you care for a Turkish cigarette?

No thank you, Mr. Volos.

I know you don't use them.

Would you mind if I have one of my own?

No, please do.

I am ready to make my explanation now.

I think it would be more
convenient if we talked

tete a deux.

So, Mr. Collins, would
you please excuse us.

Certainly.

Holst, please take
Mr. Collins out to the car

and make him comfortable.

And Mr. Collins, I think perhaps

you should say goodbye to the lady.

I doubt if you will see her again.

I seem to have heard
that somewhere before.

Goodbye, Miss Kallai.

Being your prisoner had its compensations.

I return the sentiment.

Goodbye, John.

Would it be presumptuous to
ask where you're taking me?

Not at all.

To one of my favorite haunts.

An attractive old building.

Romantic associations.

Not very accessible.

I don't want it to be.

It was an old pirate hideout.

It still is.

Morgan operated from here.

The Royal Navy searched
for him for five years

and never found him.

Ah, call Airlift.

Tell them that we'll be
flying it out in the morning.

We shall need three of
their large helicopters.

How many trips, senor?

Not less than six each.

Let me show you the rest of this building.

I'd just as soon sit down here.

It won't take you a minute.

You will find it fascinating.

Lead on.

Switch off the landing lights.

Up above us in this tower,

they kept a powder magazine.

And this old cell was right beneath it.

Then if the Royal Navy should happen

to drop a red-hot gunshot
into the magazine,

it took
care of the prisoners as well.

Very ingenious.

Wasn't it?

Come and take a look inside.

It's solid, isn't it?

Very well preserved.

You know that standing here
I can sense the feeling

that one of Morgan's
prisoners must have had.

A feeling of hopelessness.

Well, not altogether.

You know the history of these seas

is full of stories of fascinating escapes.

Yes, but not from here.

The scrub is too thick to penetrate,

and the ridges are too
steep to climb over.

There are only two ways out of here.

By sea, or by air.

You enjoy playing childish
games, don't you, Volos?

Life can be a dull affair.

It shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Won't you join me?

What are we celebrating?

I would like to drink
your health, Mr. Collins.

You have finally done me a good service.

A service?

Yes.

The deal with Sawari is complete.

I have made an extra 10 on each Swaab.

Oh yes.

I have this morning received
a large sum of dollars,

a very large sum.

When I deliver later in the day,

I will receive the rest.

Cheers.

By the way, I had told Miss Kallai

that you are a British agent.

You are, aren't you?

Does it matter?

No, today the stuff will
be delivered to Tabio.

Of course, we will have to decide

what we are going to do about you.

There seems to be only one answer.

Vanity is another one of your
weaknesses, isn't it, Volos?

It is rather pathetic to see
you displaying such defiance

in your condition.

And yet admirable, too.

I think I'd better leave you.

Yeah, I think you'd better.

I couldn't bear to see you
playing the sentimentalist.

No, it wouldn't become me.

Some more champagne?

No thanks, what I need is some sleep.

My ankle's playing up rather.

Ah.

Oh, I promised Miss Kallai

I would collect the check.

Ah, terribly sorry.

There it is.

Yes, a check for--

Thank you.

I won't be seeing you again, Mr. Collins.

Oh, don't bother to wish me luck.

I'm not quite that hypocritical.

Goodbye.

A long farewell.

Manuel, find out what's
the matter with those dogs.

Si, senor.

Mr. Volos.

Mr. Volos, he has gone!

What happened?

I brought him a coffee,
and he was not here.

But there's no way to get out!

No, none.

I should have taken his wallet.

No, Mr. Volos.

He bribed you, didn't he?

No, I swear it, Mr. Volos, he didn't!

Manuel, Manuel!

Si, senor.

Manuel, take the dogs

and search all around the beach.

Look, the dogs had this!

It's Collins's coat!

John calling Electra.

John calling Electra, come in Electra.

Come in, Electra, give
me priority, urgent.

Come in, Electra.

Hello John, hello
John, Electra can hear you.

Have not much time.

Imperative authorities ground
all flights at Airlift.

Advise the General to send
air force helicopters

to Morgan's Roost, West Head
to apprehend gunrunners.

Await your reply.

Message out.

Electra to John, Electra to John.

Hearing you.

Have contacted the general.

Our men will be along in half an hour.

Very glad to hear it.

Thank you, and out.

On our way.

Here, take the Sawari checks,

they can be cashed on demand.

They're going to lock you away

for a very long time.

You think so?

They don't like
people who sell arms,

especially when someone gets killed.

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