Secret Agent (1964–1967): Season 1, Episode 18 - The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove - full transcript

Jason control, Jason
control, come in caller, over.

Hullo, Jason control, Ulysses Ten here.

Tell London control I'll
be at London Airport at--

Tell them I won't make it!

Hangover?

Hullo.

How'd you get in here?

What do you want?

Why do I never meet
a beautiful Russian spy

in a sleeping car?

Possibly because the
Treasury would send you a memo



afterwards asking why
it was necessary for you

to travel first class.

That's just why I'm here.

Mr. Lovegrove wants to
see you there immediately.

Happy Lovegrove. What's he want?

He just sent me to get you,
he's been trying to find you.

Have you been on a jag?

Everyone seems to be interested
in your financial status

these past few days.

Have you been keeping out of the way?

What do you mean?

Well, the Treasury wants
to know if you're a gambler.

I occasionally go
berserk and play gin rummy

for a penny a point.



What sort of gambling?

You should know, we
better get round there.

All right.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Come on, jump in.

No thanks, I'll walk.

You've been attracting
a lot of attention lately.

It's my personality.

I try to fight against
it but without success.

And you say you don't gamble.

How does it come about then that

you owe a casino 500 pounds?

Who says so?

A gentleman called Alexander,

runs a gambling club
in Mayfair called Almacks.

He's apparently worried over your losses

and started checking around to
find something out about you.

A most disturbing state of affairs.

Oh.

You know we don't like
people paying too much

attention to our agents.

And, uh, I think you know
the rules about gambling.

Gamblers, Drake, are a bad security risk.

I've never been bitten by that bug.

You've never been to this club?

Scout's honor.

All right, you don't look fit.

Ah, it's nothing.

Late nights?

No.

You don't know anyone called Alexander?

Only the Great.

You know as well as I do,

we won't tolerate these
weaknesses in our agents.

I want a satisfactory
explanation
by the end of the week,

otherwise I shall report
the affair to the minister.

And you know what to expect.

He's not as understanding as I am.

Evening, madam, good evening, sir.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

A glorious evening.

Yes, not too bad for the time of the year.

Nice to see you again, sir.

Again, I've never been here before.

You haven't, sir?

I hope you enjoy yourself.

I'm not a gambling man.

They all say that so when they come in.

But you'd be surprised
if I tell you the names

of some of the people I've had
to lend a cab fare home to.

Would you mind parking it for me?

Oh, a new car, sir?

No, why should it be?

Anything wrong, sir?

No.

Good luck, sir.

Thank you.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Nice to see you again.

Again?

Well, yes sir.

Then I'm a member here?

I'm, I'm sure you are, sir.

What was the name?

Drake.

John Drake.

That's right.

So I'm a member?

You couldn't tell me where
I live as well, could you?

I beg your pardon?

That's a joke.

Mr. Drake?

I'm Elaine Pearson.

Oh yeah, last time I was here,

we had a high old time, didn't we?

I don't understand.

Well, that makes two of
us. Would you excuse me?

I work here.

Oh really, I didn't
know they had hostesses

at a place like this.

I'm not a hostess, I'm
Mr. Alexander's assistant.

Old, Alex.

How's he been making out these days?

He wants to have a word with you.

What about?

Oh, come now, don't
pretend you don't understand.

I'd like to have several words with him.

Follow me then.

Mr. Drake, Paul.

Mr. Drake, it's always
a pleasure to meet a good customer.

I love good music, don't you?

Turn it off, my dear.

Thank you.

Now you can get back to your work.

Please sit down.

Something to drink, whisky,
a glass of champagne?

This is not a social visit.

Now, now, Mr. Drake.

I'm glad you came back,
I thought we'd offended you.

Why should I think that?

You'd be surprised at the number of people

who owe us money who become offended.

And you're under the
impression that I, uh,

I owe you money?

500 pounds.

What for?

You know, I love a man
with a sense of humor.

So do I.

I think we're going to
get on very well together.

Of course if it would embarrass you

to pay it all at once.

It would embarrass me to pay it at all.

Really, Mr. Drake?

You're making it very hard for me.

Can I see the check.

Certainly, if you
promise not to do anything

foolish like tear it up.

Oh, well, this is not even my signature.

Really, Mr. Drake, that won't do.

Furthermore, that is not my bank.

You're not being evasive,
are you, Mr. Drake?

We have ways of making life
very unpleasant if you are.

You frighten me, Mr. Alexander.

That is not my check!

Otto.

Otto, tell me, John Drake, that's right.

What does he look like?

Mmm hmm, thank you.

Break it to me gently.

Mr. Drake, what can I say?

Say you're sorry.

Of course, but I feel that
I must do more than that.

You've been the victim of
a most unfortunate case

of misunderstanding.

I'm really very upset.

It's a very unfortunate
coincidence that there

should've been two John Drakes.

I'll make you an honorary member.

I don't gamble.

What a pity.

I find it one of the most
exciting of human activities.

Still, I expect that you
find travel equally exciting.

You are in the travel
business, aren't you?

Which John Drake are
you thinking about now?

Why you, my dear fellow.

Naturally we've checked up on you.

Such a pity we checked
up on the wrong one.

Better luck next time.

Better now?

Have you ever been spanked
in the middle of a casino.

No, but I think I could get to like it.

Are you always so aggressive?

Always.

Or was Mr. Alexander beastly to you?

No, the contrary, he made a mistake and

he apologized handsomely.

Doesn't sound like him, apologizing.

It was quite easy,
you should try it sometime.

Anyway, everything's all right now.

I'm terribly sorry.

let me get you another one.

You are kind.

You know there are so
many men in the world

and I never seem to meet any of them.

Do you believe in destiny, mister?

Drake.

How do you do?

I'm Elsie Farebrother.

So, what were you drinking?

Champagne.

Two glasses of champagne, please.

We must have it at the table.

What's the hurry?

That girl, I've noticed,
sometimes she gets a look in

her eye and she wins.

Which one?

The one in the green dress.

Isn't this fun?

Hilarious.

My mother always used
to say it isn't the menu

but the men you sit next to
you who make a girl's evening.

I guess your mother must've
been a very witty woman.

She was.
-Thank you.

That's where I get my sense of humor.

Don't bet until I do.

I haven't got any chips.
-Here you are, use these.

I couldn't, really.

Oh, silly boy, just bet for me.

I know you're going to bring me luck.

Silly, they're yours!

You keep them for me for a rainy day.

I hope it comes soon.

Oh, black. The color of death.

It's unlucky, my dear.

Thank you, Pierre.

I only cash them in at full moon.

It's just a little superstition I have.

Are you superstitious, Mr. Drake?

Only when I owe money that I never lost.

Ooh, that sounds very deep.

You'll have to explain it to me.

Well, another evening perhaps.

It's been extremely nice and thank you.

No, I must thank you, after
all, you brought me luck.

I wonder what I brought you?

An idea.

Ooh, a naughty one, I hope.

Very.

Well, goodnight, thank you.

Goodnight.

I do hope I'll meet you again soon!

Bye bye.

I do hope so.

Why, Mr. Drake, I thought
you left some time ago.

How can you say that when you were

watching me play roulette?

My goodness, you're a man
after my own heart,

indeed you are.

We should sit down one
evening over a magnum of claret.

What tales we could tell.

Yes, I'd love to.

Unfortunately, I feel you'd
stick me with the bill.

Oh why, Mr. Drake, why?

What sort of man do you think I am?

Leaving already, sir?

I hope they haven't cleaned you out.

No, I won.

Oh, I'm pleased to hear it.

I'll just get your car, sir.

Just give me the key, I'll get it myself.

Just give me the key, I'll get it myself.

Oh, they've done a good job on it.

What are you talking about?

I'm sorry, sir, but didn't
you have a smash up, sir?

Now look, I have never been here before.

Then it must be somebody else, Sir.

Yes.

Everybody keeps apologizing,

it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Make the most of it while you can,

probably the last you get for months.

Anything else on your mind?

I'm not happy about it at all.

What, this business?

It's too easy.

Have you checked Alexander's records?

Yes, of course, there's nothing there.

Do you want to follow it up?

It's too pat that this man,

who bounced the check, is John
Drake and I'm John Drake.

What about this other John Drake?

The other one?

Mmm hmm.

I believe he doesn't exist.

Well, what do you wanna do?

I want to become a real gambler.

According to the
Treasury, you already are.

What is the matter with you?

Nothing, nothing's the matter.

Oh, yes there is, I've
noticed it for days.

You sure you've not been drinking?

No, I haven't been drinking.

Then you must be ill.

I'll have you
checked out by Dr. Gallagher.

There's nothing the matter with me!

I just want to clear up
this business, that's all!

Oh, Doc Gallagher, this is Lovegrove here.

I've got Drake with me, will
you give him a checkup please.

Oh, poor old, John.

Well, I've got nothing going
right now, send him along.

He's there now.

Well, run along then.

Yeah.

Dr. Gallagher?

Oh, there you are, John!

What's the matter with granny Lovegrove?

You look fit enough to me.

Feeling fine.

Come on then.

Like a drink?

No, I'd rather not.

You must be ill.

Get on there, lay on your back.

Look at the ceiling.

Lovegrove thinks I'm a secret drinker.

Stupid old fool, eh?

Nothing wrong with you, fit as a flea.

We should tell
Mr. Lovegrove that, Dr. Gallagher,

because I've got this job to do.

Mmm.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

No car tonight?

No, I thought I'd stretch my legs.

You didn't smash it up again, sir?

What?

No.

John Drake, the other one,
Mr. Alexander said he'd

make me an honorary member.

That's quite correct, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Well, well, Mr. Sunshine is among us.

You could make good
morning sound like an insult.

Except that I'm never up in the morning.

I don't think
Mrs. Farebrother has arrived yet.

Hmm?

The merry widow who was trying to

lead you astray last night.

Oh, her.
-Oh, her.

You must get so bored with women throwing

themselves at your head.

It's a professional hazard.

Don't tell me, you're
a ladies' hairdresser?

I'm a travel agent.

I've always wanted to go to Acapulco.

Well, for 247 pounds,
10 plus the airport tax,

it could be arranged.

Oh, I thought you could give
me a professional discount.

Well, that depends,

what exactly does your work here entail?

You could call me Paul's assistant.

Paul?

Paul Alexander, the manager.

You've met him.

Have you known him long.

You're pumping me, John.

Or should I call you Mr. Drake?

Just sir will do.

Ah, you can buy me a drink, sir.

Now, I thought that
I might win myself some money.

If it wouldn't bore you too
terribly, I'll come with you.

Feel free.

Where is uncle Paul tonight?

He's away.

Last time, you brought me luck.

Perhaps it's a punishment
for your being so nasty to me.

Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot.

Oh, is that an apology?

What about that drink?

All right.

Cab, sir?

No, let's walk, I'd like
a breath of fresh air. Goodnight.

Goodnight, madam.

Goodnight, sir.

Goodnight.

You're much nicer when you're not trying.

I wouldn't bet on it.

Oh, well you put my back up, that's all.

I wasn't in the best of moods myself.

Friend Alexander was a little irritating.

He's not so bad when you get to know him.

Do you know him well?

Oh, well, you know.

No.

Well, here we are.

Thank you for walking me home.

My pleasure.

If I didn't think you be shocked,

I'd ask you in for a drink.

Try me.

Oh, would you like a drink?

That's a nice idea.

My goodness, you working
girls certainly live in style.

Why, Mr. Drake, how good of you to call.

Thank you, my dear, you can go to bed now.

What has my namesake done this time?

Sold you London bridge?

My dear, Drake, whatever the time,

your mind is like a rapier.

Yes, I like that, I like it very much.

Let me get you a drink,
I have some excellent brandy.

Personally, I find a glass of burgundy

soothes the internal stress at this hour.

Presumably, you didn't get me here to take

part in a wine tasting.

There you go again, off like a greyhound.

What a restless mind.

You must watch yourself,
Mr. Drake, you must watch yourself.

You might do yourself an injury.

I'll have a brandy.

I hate the affectation of
those balloon like glasses.

I hope you agree.

Cigar?

Thank you.

Do sit down.

Now, to business.

The day I do business
with you, Mr. Alexander,

is a long way off.

I admire you, Mr. Drake,
professionally, of course.

I can't imagine that our businesses

have very much in common.

Of course not.

My word, I am enjoying myself.

Now, I feel that you could
be a very dangerous enemy,

Mr. Drake.

That's why I'm so delighted
that you're on my side.

I think you ought to see
someone about your fantasies.

Mr. Drake, you should
talk about fantasies.

I beg you, not too much merriment.

My doctors assure me that my
heart is in the right place.

It hangs there rather precariously.

It's late, I have a hard day tomorrow.

Of course you have.

That's one of the things
that I admire about you,

your restless energy, your constant drive.

You chose an interesting profession.

Travel business is as good a way as any

of earning a living.

I know, but there's one thing
that has puzzled me though.

What's that?

How it is that the
impeccable John Drake

of Chelsea Mews South, often
travels under an assumed name.

Engages in what should we
call some unusual activities.

What were you doing in
Cannes as Mr. Symons,

and in Cairo as Mr. Ryder, Maxwell Ryder.

The name has a ring to it.

And in Africa as Major
Sullivan, wasn't it?

Yes, I've followed your career
for more than a year now.

I just wanted to make quite sure that

my original hunch was correct.

Which was?

You work for the government, Mr. Drake.

Oh, not by selling stamps
over a post office counter.

Spy is a melodramatic
word, agent is nicer.

Travel agent.

No, Mr. Drake.

Shall we say an agent who travels?

You're out of your mind.

I am, despite the trappings
of wealth you see about you,

a poor man, a hireling.

A manager's life is not a happy one.

Yes, I've been searching for sometime now

for a way of freeing myself from bondage,

to enable me to spend the rest of my days

in a more congenial way.

Couldn't you get into
an old people's home?

I hardly think of the wine that they serve

at an old people's home would
be quite up to my standards.

No, Mr. Drake, I'm proposing
to ask you for 10,000 pounds.

I haven't got 10,000
pounds, and even if I had,

I wouldn't give it to you.

Of course not, but your employers have.

You can tell them from
me that unless I receive

the money within 48 hours,

your photograph and
description will be on the desk

of every foreign embassy in London.

You will then, of course,
be completely unemployable.

You're bluffing.

Not at all.

I have your IOU.

Remember, you very
kindly gave me an example

of your signature the
other evening in my office.

Before you tear it up,

I must warn you that it's a photocopy.

Are you sure you haven't
got the wrong John Drake?

Which John Drake have I got then?

But I've lost all
confidence in you, Drake.

Stop fidgeting.

You've been untruthful with me!

The plain fact is you
are a compulsive gambler

and I'm not sending in this
chit to cover your losses.

It's not gambling, it is blackmail!

You don't dispute that
this is your signature.

Of course it's my
signature, I've been trying--

You seriously think that
I could underwrite in a moment.

You have a most curious
concept of public funds.

Yes, but don't you realize,

if I don't pay up, he'll blow my cover.

I'll be finished in the service.

You should've thought of that
before you started gambling.

It's not gambling!

It was necessary to do that in order to--

Oh, yes, it's always
necessary with you blokes

when you're staying at four star hotels

or bribing nightclub hostesses.

These small luxuries compensate for

the hard life we lead!

Yes, take it easy, Drake.

I dare say I work just as hard as you do.

Yet, I found two weeks cycling
holiday in Dorset every year

amply refreshing.

Why don't you hire a tandem next year,

then you can take me as long as well?

Facetiousness won't help your cause.

Hmm?

I said, you make it seem pretty hopeless.

There's another thing,
if you leave the service

prematurely, you won't be
entitled to a pension.

No hard feelings.

Hey.

Don't forget to pump up your tires.

You can't just walk in here.

You must make an appointment
with my secretary.

Yes?

Nice of you to ask us in.

Yes, we appreciate that.

I hope you've come to the wrong house.

I'm sure he does.

They always say that.

What do you want?

We've come for the money.

What money?

Ah, I wish I'd had a pound
for every time I heard that.

Mr. Alexander thought we
ought to pay you a visit.

We'll take a check.

On your way.

You're letting the side
down rather badly, you know.

What side?

A gambling debt is a debt of an honor.

Yes, a gentleman would
rather go without food

for a week than not pay a debt of honor.

It's just not on old boy,
the way you're behaving.

We may not be a first class power anymore,

but by George, we know
how to pay our debts!

Here, here.

Run along now.

Now, Derek doesn't
like being pushed around.

Do you, Derek?

Why don't you be a good
boy and give us the money?

There isn't any money!

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear.

I do hate violence.

I have an upset stomach
for days afterwards.

You sure you wouldn't
like to pay us that money?

Not really, no.

Turn out the lights when you leave.

Really, he made me feel
positively girlish again.

I don't think Mr. Drake
will be in this evening.

Is someone taking my name in vain?

Mr. Drake, I was just asking about you!

Very nice of you.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I know it was a bit forward of me but--

You mustn't say that.

Mr. Alexander said he thought you weren't

coming in this evening.

I wonder why he should've thought that.

If you'd excuse us,
Mrs. Farebrother, for a few moments,

Mr. Drake and I have
some business to discuss.

Then it's lucky he did come in, isn't it?

Very lucky.

Perhaps you and I could have

a little drink together later.

I look forward to it.
It's a very nice idea.

Unlike yours.

I know, it was unworthy of me.

Alas, we're all human
and I wanted the money.

Can you believe that?

I'm tired of all this absurd charade.

As I told you before,
they won't play ball.

But you're one of their best men.

Yes.

How can they do this to you?

You can always get your MP

to ask a question in parliament.

Do you think if I brought down the price?

You'd have to give me more time.

You'll try?

I'll do my best.

Stout fellow.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Hello, are you going to play?

If anybody's playing
with this gorgeous man,

it's going to be me.

After all, I saw him first, didn't I?

That's right.
How have you been keeping?

Oh, not the same without you.

Ah, zero, I always bet
number one after zero.

There she is and she's
got that look again.

No, I'm sticking to number one.

See!

Whenever she gets that
look, she always wins.

Taxi?

Yes, please.

Are you sure I couldn't persuade you

to have just a tiny nightcap?

No, I have to be up
very early in the morning.

Another time then.

Yes, indeed.

Goodnight, madam.

Goodnight.

Don't shoot, it's a friend.

What heart rending story has big daddy

asked you to tell me this time?

He doesn't know I've gone.

Well, you're gonna catch it, aren't you?

Don't be rude.

What surprise have you
got in store for me tonight? --

I just want to talk to you.
-I'm listening.

You don't trust me.

You can do better than that, can't you?

Oh, please.

Look, it's late, I'm
tired and you bore me.

I could help you.

Thanks, I feel a lot
safer with you as an enemy.

Look, I know you need some money.

I mean, I know that Paul's
got something on you.

What?

I don't know what.

But I could help you get some money.

What do you get out of it?

Look, we can't talk here.

Are you going to drive me home? --

Yes, if you promise not
to ask me up for a drink.

You know the wheel is fixed,
but you don't know why.

No, Paul just tells me to
go and play a certain number.

You always win?

Well only then, he doesn't
like me playing otherwise.

Is it always the same man who puts

his chips down where you do?

Not always.

Different men?

And they know that when
you bet on a single number,

they can bet and win--

That's right.

Why are you telling me all this?

I know you're short of money.

So am I.

When I bet, I don't win anything.

They don't cash my chips.

But if you'd like to follow me,

you can put on as much as you'd like.

I thought perhaps we could split.

Phone me next time.

How much warning do you get?

It varies, not more than 10 minutes.

I can make it in five.

I'll say something
like, "See you tonight".

Good evening, constable.

Goodnight.

Stick around for my call.

So, you're absolutely certain?

Yeah, that's the man.

He's not a junior employee.

A naval captain, you say?

Well, unfortunately, they
enjoy certain protection.

Yes, he works in the
joint planning group

of the naval department.

There's been a leak there.

A suspected leak.

If he really is a traitor,

you think they pay him off
that the roulette wheel, hmm?

That's my theory.

How's that, Drake, executive type, eh?

Cute.

I hope there's nothing more you want to--

Oh, yes, come.

How do you reckon he
passes on the information?

Microdot

It's easy enough.

Could be on one of these.

Are they for a disguise?

Well.

It makes you look benign.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing, if you don't
mind being out of character.

So, you can give me no
idea at all whom you suspect?

I'd rather not.

See, if I'm wrong, then no one is smeared.

I see.

Ah, well, that sounds fair enough.

Do you think you could
dream up some phony plan

that our man, if he is a traitor,

could pass onto the opposition?

How about that?

Now I know you again.

What do you mean?

That's my boy.

Flinty eyed old scrooge.

What is it?
-Oh, good evening, sir.

I wonder if you've thought
about your future lately.

All right, get to the point!

Sometimes at the rosiest moments,

there's another shock around the corner.

Well, things haven't been
too rosy recently, so--

Just a moment.

Yes?

See you tonight.

Okay.

I can't wait.

Neither can I, give me five minutes.

I've got no time to
waste, what do you want?

Do you mind,

I'm not accustomed to
being spoken to like this.

I'm sorry, my mistake.

I'm from the Etheral
Insurance company, sir.

And I assure you that
young, professional people--

Yes, I know, but I've got no
time to talk about that now.

You should make time.

You must always make time to
think of the future.

I'll be all right!

Dear Mr. Drake, just in time.

I'm down to my last 100.

That's hard.

But now you're here,

I know something wonderful
is going to happen.

I hope you're right.

Oh, do you?

Oh, that's lovely.

I think we should drink champagne.

All right.

A couple of glasses!

I feel so young.

You look young.

Do you mean it, I mean really?

Yes.

To us.

Here, you take these beastly black ones.

Well, it's beddy byes for Elsie.

I must get my beauty sleep.

I'll see you to the door.
-Which door?

May we cash your chips, madam?

Now Pierre, you know I only
cash them in at full moon.

Cab, madam?

Thank you, Charles.

Goodbye.

Or should I say au revoir?

Hello, Pierre, you've
come to say goodbye, too?

Your cab, madam.

Who is it?

John Drake.

I knew you'd come.

Do come in.

Wondered if you would.

May I take your coat?

It's warm in here.

Yes.

Cozy though.

Thank you.

I'll get you a little drink.

We'll have a little talk.

I haven't been so happy since Norman died.

I didn't mean that.

Norman made me very happy.

I meant I haven't been happy.

I understand.

You would.

You have that sort of face.

I'd like that drink.

Of course.

I'll take that.

Throw it on the carpet.

Oh, Pierre!

Now, I didn't know you cared,

but I'm afraid you're wasting your time.

Oh, it's a party.

I must get some more glasses.

I'll take this.

I'll take this.

But you're, you're--

I suggest that you sit down

and take no further
part in the conversation.

I thought we cured you
of your little tricks!

Well,I did ask you for a raise.

He was blackmailing you, I suppose?

Uh huh.

How much?

10,000 pounds, I haven't
got any money, you see,

and I saw her get all those chips and

I came back here to steal them.

Oh, John!

Oh, never mind, I'll forgive you.

You've caused me a lot of trouble!

I never dreamed it would come to this.

It took me years to build up this network

and now you destroy it in one night.

What does he mean, network?

But it isn't wrecked!

Provided there are no witnesses.

I think he's going to kill us.

How dare you burst into
my bedroom like this!

Stop her, stop her! It's cyanide.

Poor boy, no one's going to hurt you.

Lovegrove.

Here, go on, hop it!

Who's Lovegrove?

I'm Dr. Jenkins.

Hey, what about our ball, mister!

Yeah, what about our ball!