Search Party (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 9 - Episode #5.9 - full transcript
[SNARLING]
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Winnie, what are you doing?
Leave Helen alone!
Get...
Shit!
Get off her!
Get off her, get off her!
Get off of her!
Jesus Christ!
Now!
Now!
[SNARLS]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, I'm going to die!
[SCREAMING]
♪ ♪
[WHIMPERS]
♪ ♪
[GASPS]
[GROWLS]
♪ ♪
Oh, thank God.
She's completely lost her mind,
I mean... what are you doing?
♪ Oh, but, dear,
the sky is low, watch ♪
All right.
Everybody, back in the van.
Come on, come on.
Just step in.
Is there a minute I can...
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Your energy is
a little bit hostile.
If you could just...
Watch your head.
Heard it, like an animal...
So scary!
I hope Winnie's okay.
I'm pretty sure
that she has the flu.
I'll have you step
up in, please.
Hey! Don't push me!
Don't push him!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Don't push me!
All right.
Is this all of you?
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
Where is your queen?
We don't know, officer.
Oh!
We got the crazy one
detained in our car.
They say she ate
two old people,
but we can't find any trace
of the bodies anywhere.
I think they're
all fucking nuts.
Well, let's head back
to the city.
Follow us.
Welcome aboard
the Tunnel Access 99.
The door is closing.
Officer Brentline
and Officer Sweetapple,
it feels like you want
to go to New York City.
Police precinct number 13.
Did I get that right?
Yes.
Sorry, you need to speak up.
Can you please repeat?
Yes!
Please, speak confidently,
so we register your answer.
Yes!
Jesus Christ!
Fucking beta-version
bullshit.
I heard everybody on the force
who got one
was bitching about it.
[SNARLS]
Shut up back there!
[QUIET GROWLING]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I don't want to go to jail.
I think jail
would be quite joyful.
But I just got reborn.
I want to go out.
Elliott, where the hell
are Dory and Drew?
BOTH: ♪ When the moon is in
the Seventh House ♪
♪ And Jupiter
aligns with Mars ♪
Drew, I love
your singing voice!
Thank you!
I do, too!
I've always wanted
to pursue it.
I goof around with it
because I've been too afraid
to, you know, lean in.
Well, once we give
these pills to people
and the world
is finally at peace,
you can spend the rest
of your days singing!
That is so true!
And you know why?
Why?
Because...
BOTH: ♪ This is the dawning
♪ Of the age of Aquarius ♪
♪ The age of Aquarius ♪
♪ Aquarius ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Aquarius ♪
[SHRIEKING]
[GASPS]
What's wrong?
Do you want to explain this?
Are these birds evil?
Hello?
Okay.
I'm sorry, Liquorice.
Once again, I don't know
why you're mad at me.
"Jack Hallwood feeds birds
at the age of 93."
Does that not alarm you at all?
Lower your voice.
Sometimes it just takes me
a second
to catch up to your wisdom.
Jack Hallwood, son of Chantal
Witherbottom and John Hallwood.
What does this mean?
It means you're a slut!
Okay.
Okay, so you're saying
that this 93-year-old man
is my son with that child?
The point is
you cheated on me!
No, I didn't, I swear.
Not yet, at least.
But you will
and this proves it!
Okay, you know what?
I will not apologize
for something I have not done.
Do you understand what I'm
talking about here, Chantal?
The end of the world
is just one condom away.
Okay, I will wear a condom.
Is that what you want to hear?
It's too late for that.
Do you know what's coming?
Cannibals!
Flames!
Total annihilation!
Ah!
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
[SIGHS]
You're faking it.
Ah!
Okay, I am
not falling for it.
[SCOFFS]
If you think I'm calling
an ambulance,
you've got
another thing coming.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHS]
Baloney.
[SIGHS]
You don't think it was
the pill that made
Winnie sick, do you?
What?
[SCOFFS]
No, El.
That would be, like...
an extreme reaction,
wouldn't it?
Well, this is what happens
when things go untested.
[METALLIC THUD]
Oh!
What the hell was that?
[THUDDING CONTINUES]
Oh, my God.
Aah!
Officers, I think
there's something
wrong with the car.
Oh, something's loose
and flapping around up there.
All right, all right.
I'll pull over.
[GROWLS]
Hey, we've gotta pull over
for a second
to check some shit.
Copy.
Pull over.
A pullover is a garment worn
on the top half of the body.
Do you accept this definition?
I accept.
Pull over the car.
Pulling over.
Thank you.
[MUFFLED COUNTRY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Oh, my God!
Oh!
♪ ♪
Oh, my God...
What the hell?
Okay...
Ooh!
[ALL SCREAMING]
What's going on?
Mike!
Ow!
Ow!
Ah!
[SHRILL SHRIEKING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I think there's, like, a hawk
or a condor up there!
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
Oh, holy shit.
What is that?
It's a lady?
It's... it's a lady eating them!
[ALL SHRIEKING]
♪ ♪
[SCREAMING]
Open door!
I'm sorry.
Please speak with resolve.
We didn't get that.
Open door!
Open door!
Open door policy
is a term used to refer
to when a supervisor
leaves their office door open
in order
to encourage transparency
within
the company's community.
Do you accept this as a...
No!
No!
Open the door!
You said, "Open door."
[SCREAMING]
Oh.
Ooh.
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
Is that Helen?
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, good Lord!
Oh!
It's so freaky!
Kick the door open!
[ALL SCREAMING]
♪ ♪
[ALL SHOUTING INDSTINCTLY]
Go, go, go!
[ALL SHRIEKING]
We're closed.
It's all broken!
[PANICKED CHATTER]
[GROWLS]
[PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
Open up that door!
Open this door!
Oh!
[ALL SCREAMING AND PLEADING]
[SHRIEKING]
Go, go, go, go, go!
♪ ♪
[BOTH SNARLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[PANICKED CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Dory, there's hundreds
of people camped outside
of Lyte Headquarters,
like, grieving you.
What?
Look.
ALL: ♪ Enlightenment,
enlightenment ♪
♪ It's coming
and it's coming ♪
♪ And it's coming right now ♪
♪ Enlightenment,
enlightenment ♪
They still believe
in the cause.
Then that's who should
get it first.
We go there, and we
distribute what we have,
and the whole world
will change.
How's that grilled cheese,
sugar?
Oh, my God.
It is so, so good.
Like, what did we do
to deserve grilled cheese?
[LAUGHTER]
Okay.
You sound like me.
It is scrumdiddly-
dum-dumcious, though.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SNARLING]
They're going to break
the fucking glass!
They can't.
It's bulletproof.
Why would it be bulletproof?
Because I'm mafia.
Might as well say it.
What is going on?
What is happening?
Look at Helen!
She looks sick
just like Winnie.
Okay, okay, everyone.
Okay, everyone.
Don't be mad at me!
But last night, I switched
the enlightenment jelly beans
for real jelly beans,
and I think I accidentally left
some of the enlightenment
jelly beans in there,
and that's what Winnie
must have taken.
And it turned her
into that thing?
I mean,
unless she has a crazy period
or something, I don't know.
Wait, so I'm not enlightened?
I mean,
you could be, sweetie,
but it's probably just
from your own inner work.
Oh, my God!
Marty, you're bleeding.
Oh, gosh.
[GAGS]
I guess I'll need
a Band-Aid, right?
[TENSE MUSIC]
No!
Shit, shit, shit!
We have to isolate him!
Why?
Marty, have you been
paying attention?
Because you've bitten,
and you're gonna
turn into a zombie.
Just get out!
Can't you kill him?
Aren't you mafia or something?
My role is more
like the gossip.
Okay, a zombie?
Okay, you guys sound insane.
That's so clearly not
what's happening right now.
Like, I've seen this all
the time at music festivals.
They're just dehydrated.
[SNARLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, my God!
You're gonna clean that up.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
[WAILING]
Hey, everyone.
In here, serious, quiet!
[HISSING]
911, what's your emergency?
Zombies.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me, did you
for real just say zombies?
Uh-huh.
What happened
to Elodie and Leonora?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[SNARLING]
[VIDEO GAMES CHIMING]
What was that?
[SNARLS]
[PANICKED GASPING]
He's in here.
The police will be here
any minute.
It's going to be okay.
We'll be saved.
I'm really glad I didn't get
emotionally attached to anyone
who has thus far
turned into a zombie.
Oh, my God.
What?
I just realized something
that's actually
kind of really very bad.
What?
So Winnie ate the jelly bean
and turned into a zombie.
Yeah.
Dory has the rest
of the jelly beans.
Yeah?
Didn't she say she was
gonna pass them out
to as many people
as she possibly could?
Oh, God.
That would be, like,
really bad, right?
What if that's what Drew
and Dory are doing right now?
We have to do something.
But I don't want to.
I don't want to either,
but I think that this thing is,
like, actually spreading
really fucking fast.
She's right.
The R-Naught on this thing
is disastrous,
and I don't want
to do the math,
but the aggressive nature
of this
is likely to significantly
reduce the population.
Oh, God.
We have to stop it.
You're right.
Are y'all psycho?
You can do whatever you want,
but I'm going to stay
right here
until the authorities come
and fix everything.
I'll come with you.
I feel really bad
that I created this formula.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[DISTANT SNARLING]
♪ ♪
Follow me.
♪ ♪
[HISSES]
[GASPS]
♪ ♪
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Winnie, what are you doing?
Leave Helen alone!
Get...
Shit!
Get off her!
Get off her, get off her!
Get off of her!
Jesus Christ!
Now!
Now!
[SNARLS]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, I'm going to die!
[SCREAMING]
♪ ♪
[WHIMPERS]
♪ ♪
[GASPS]
[GROWLS]
♪ ♪
Oh, thank God.
She's completely lost her mind,
I mean... what are you doing?
♪ Oh, but, dear,
the sky is low, watch ♪
All right.
Everybody, back in the van.
Come on, come on.
Just step in.
Is there a minute I can...
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Your energy is
a little bit hostile.
If you could just...
Watch your head.
Heard it, like an animal...
So scary!
I hope Winnie's okay.
I'm pretty sure
that she has the flu.
I'll have you step
up in, please.
Hey! Don't push me!
Don't push him!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Don't push me!
All right.
Is this all of you?
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
Where is your queen?
We don't know, officer.
Oh!
We got the crazy one
detained in our car.
They say she ate
two old people,
but we can't find any trace
of the bodies anywhere.
I think they're
all fucking nuts.
Well, let's head back
to the city.
Follow us.
Welcome aboard
the Tunnel Access 99.
The door is closing.
Officer Brentline
and Officer Sweetapple,
it feels like you want
to go to New York City.
Police precinct number 13.
Did I get that right?
Yes.
Sorry, you need to speak up.
Can you please repeat?
Yes!
Please, speak confidently,
so we register your answer.
Yes!
Jesus Christ!
Fucking beta-version
bullshit.
I heard everybody on the force
who got one
was bitching about it.
[SNARLS]
Shut up back there!
[QUIET GROWLING]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I don't want to go to jail.
I think jail
would be quite joyful.
But I just got reborn.
I want to go out.
Elliott, where the hell
are Dory and Drew?
BOTH: ♪ When the moon is in
the Seventh House ♪
♪ And Jupiter
aligns with Mars ♪
Drew, I love
your singing voice!
Thank you!
I do, too!
I've always wanted
to pursue it.
I goof around with it
because I've been too afraid
to, you know, lean in.
Well, once we give
these pills to people
and the world
is finally at peace,
you can spend the rest
of your days singing!
That is so true!
And you know why?
Why?
Because...
BOTH: ♪ This is the dawning
♪ Of the age of Aquarius ♪
♪ The age of Aquarius ♪
♪ Aquarius ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Aquarius ♪
[SHRIEKING]
[GASPS]
What's wrong?
Do you want to explain this?
Are these birds evil?
Hello?
Okay.
I'm sorry, Liquorice.
Once again, I don't know
why you're mad at me.
"Jack Hallwood feeds birds
at the age of 93."
Does that not alarm you at all?
Lower your voice.
Sometimes it just takes me
a second
to catch up to your wisdom.
Jack Hallwood, son of Chantal
Witherbottom and John Hallwood.
What does this mean?
It means you're a slut!
Okay.
Okay, so you're saying
that this 93-year-old man
is my son with that child?
The point is
you cheated on me!
No, I didn't, I swear.
Not yet, at least.
But you will
and this proves it!
Okay, you know what?
I will not apologize
for something I have not done.
Do you understand what I'm
talking about here, Chantal?
The end of the world
is just one condom away.
Okay, I will wear a condom.
Is that what you want to hear?
It's too late for that.
Do you know what's coming?
Cannibals!
Flames!
Total annihilation!
Ah!
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
[SIGHS]
You're faking it.
Ah!
Okay, I am
not falling for it.
[SCOFFS]
If you think I'm calling
an ambulance,
you've got
another thing coming.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHS]
Baloney.
[SIGHS]
You don't think it was
the pill that made
Winnie sick, do you?
What?
[SCOFFS]
No, El.
That would be, like...
an extreme reaction,
wouldn't it?
Well, this is what happens
when things go untested.
[METALLIC THUD]
Oh!
What the hell was that?
[THUDDING CONTINUES]
Oh, my God.
Aah!
Officers, I think
there's something
wrong with the car.
Oh, something's loose
and flapping around up there.
All right, all right.
I'll pull over.
[GROWLS]
Hey, we've gotta pull over
for a second
to check some shit.
Copy.
Pull over.
A pullover is a garment worn
on the top half of the body.
Do you accept this definition?
I accept.
Pull over the car.
Pulling over.
Thank you.
[MUFFLED COUNTRY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Oh, my God!
Oh!
♪ ♪
Oh, my God...
What the hell?
Okay...
Ooh!
[ALL SCREAMING]
What's going on?
Mike!
Ow!
Ow!
Ah!
[SHRILL SHRIEKING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I think there's, like, a hawk
or a condor up there!
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
Oh, holy shit.
What is that?
It's a lady?
It's... it's a lady eating them!
[ALL SHRIEKING]
♪ ♪
[SCREAMING]
Open door!
I'm sorry.
Please speak with resolve.
We didn't get that.
Open door!
Open door!
Open door policy
is a term used to refer
to when a supervisor
leaves their office door open
in order
to encourage transparency
within
the company's community.
Do you accept this as a...
No!
No!
Open the door!
You said, "Open door."
[SCREAMING]
Oh.
Ooh.
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
Is that Helen?
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, good Lord!
Oh!
It's so freaky!
Kick the door open!
[ALL SCREAMING]
♪ ♪
[ALL SHOUTING INDSTINCTLY]
Go, go, go!
[ALL SHRIEKING]
We're closed.
It's all broken!
[PANICKED CHATTER]
[GROWLS]
[PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
Open up that door!
Open this door!
Oh!
[ALL SCREAMING AND PLEADING]
[SHRIEKING]
Go, go, go, go, go!
♪ ♪
[BOTH SNARLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[PANICKED CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Dory, there's hundreds
of people camped outside
of Lyte Headquarters,
like, grieving you.
What?
Look.
ALL: ♪ Enlightenment,
enlightenment ♪
♪ It's coming
and it's coming ♪
♪ And it's coming right now ♪
♪ Enlightenment,
enlightenment ♪
They still believe
in the cause.
Then that's who should
get it first.
We go there, and we
distribute what we have,
and the whole world
will change.
How's that grilled cheese,
sugar?
Oh, my God.
It is so, so good.
Like, what did we do
to deserve grilled cheese?
[LAUGHTER]
Okay.
You sound like me.
It is scrumdiddly-
dum-dumcious, though.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SNARLING]
They're going to break
the fucking glass!
They can't.
It's bulletproof.
Why would it be bulletproof?
Because I'm mafia.
Might as well say it.
What is going on?
What is happening?
Look at Helen!
She looks sick
just like Winnie.
Okay, okay, everyone.
Okay, everyone.
Don't be mad at me!
But last night, I switched
the enlightenment jelly beans
for real jelly beans,
and I think I accidentally left
some of the enlightenment
jelly beans in there,
and that's what Winnie
must have taken.
And it turned her
into that thing?
I mean,
unless she has a crazy period
or something, I don't know.
Wait, so I'm not enlightened?
I mean,
you could be, sweetie,
but it's probably just
from your own inner work.
Oh, my God!
Marty, you're bleeding.
Oh, gosh.
[GAGS]
I guess I'll need
a Band-Aid, right?
[TENSE MUSIC]
No!
Shit, shit, shit!
We have to isolate him!
Why?
Marty, have you been
paying attention?
Because you've bitten,
and you're gonna
turn into a zombie.
Just get out!
Can't you kill him?
Aren't you mafia or something?
My role is more
like the gossip.
Okay, a zombie?
Okay, you guys sound insane.
That's so clearly not
what's happening right now.
Like, I've seen this all
the time at music festivals.
They're just dehydrated.
[SNARLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, my God!
You're gonna clean that up.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
[WAILING]
Hey, everyone.
In here, serious, quiet!
[HISSING]
911, what's your emergency?
Zombies.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me, did you
for real just say zombies?
Uh-huh.
What happened
to Elodie and Leonora?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[SNARLING]
[VIDEO GAMES CHIMING]
What was that?
[SNARLS]
[PANICKED GASPING]
He's in here.
The police will be here
any minute.
It's going to be okay.
We'll be saved.
I'm really glad I didn't get
emotionally attached to anyone
who has thus far
turned into a zombie.
Oh, my God.
What?
I just realized something
that's actually
kind of really very bad.
What?
So Winnie ate the jelly bean
and turned into a zombie.
Yeah.
Dory has the rest
of the jelly beans.
Yeah?
Didn't she say she was
gonna pass them out
to as many people
as she possibly could?
Oh, God.
That would be, like,
really bad, right?
What if that's what Drew
and Dory are doing right now?
We have to do something.
But I don't want to.
I don't want to either,
but I think that this thing is,
like, actually spreading
really fucking fast.
She's right.
The R-Naught on this thing
is disastrous,
and I don't want
to do the math,
but the aggressive nature
of this
is likely to significantly
reduce the population.
Oh, God.
We have to stop it.
You're right.
Are y'all psycho?
You can do whatever you want,
but I'm going to stay
right here
until the authorities come
and fix everything.
I'll come with you.
I feel really bad
that I created this formula.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[DISTANT SNARLING]
♪ ♪
Follow me.
♪ ♪
[HISSES]
[GASPS]
♪ ♪