Search Party (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Chantal?!

Girl,
you standin' in shit.
Huh?

Nasty.

Don't wear them
on the train.



Make the whole mta
smell like shit.

So, kristine
runs up to us

With, like, shards of glass
literally still in her hair.
Mm-hmm.

And she's, like,
"help me flip my car over!"

And i was like,
"no. Call the police."

You know, and, like,
i felt so bad for her,

But it was like,

"you can't bring us
into your mess," you know?

This is not enough
ketchup.

I'm gonna need
some more ketchup, sweetie.

Do you guys remember that girl
chantal witherbottom?

Mm.

Uh, no. Who is that?

I do feel like
i remember that name.



She was like --
she was like this girl --

You know, we went to college
with her.

She -- i'm just
trying to think of

A way
you would remember her.

Um...Here, look.
Do you have ketchup?

Oh.
Remember?

Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.
Oh, she sucked.

Why'd she suck?

Because she had
nothing to offer.

She always, like,
brushing her hair in public.
Yeah.

It's, like,
brush it home, please.
Right.

She was always just,
like, around,

And she was, um --

I mean,
she was very jealous of me.

Do you?
It was -- it was like --

No. I don't
recognize her, no.
It wasn't always that way.

Nice picture, though.
Because,
you guys remember?

Hey, big man!
It was, like, off the bat,

I was cast as a freshman
in all the plays.

And, you know, it was, like,
some people got it,

But her job
was to read lines with me.

Uh-huh.
So, she didn't
like that.

Well,
she's gone missing.

What do you mean
"gone missing"?

She's, like,
a missing person.

There's posters of her,
like, all over the city.

Dory,
what happened to her?

I mean, she's missing.
Well, where is she?

That's --
that's the question.
Why?

Portia,
no one at the table knows.

oh, my god.

I feel like -- i feel like
i'm about to cry.

I know, right?
I mean, it's insane.

Dor...Did i sleep with
that waiter a few years ago?

I don-- i don't know.

Because he's acting like
he doesn't remember me.

And we've been severely
under-ketchuped.

Excuse me. Hey.

It's just crazy 'cause we --
we were friends.

Friends?

You just described her as

"that girl,
chantal witherbottom."

Yeah, but...She was
really nice to me.

You know, i felt like
she had a really good heart.

Don't you think
it's so sad?

I think it's sad.

It's sad.

I hope she's okay.
Mm-hmm.

You got crap
in your teeth.

What?
Come here.
Let me dig it out.

Oh, no, it's okay.

Oh, come on.
No, i'm still eating.

never mind, it's --

Excuse me. Yes.
You or your friend.

Chantal witherbottom
was pursing an mfa in poetry

When she finally
achieved her goal

Of self-publishing
her collection of poems.

And then she disappeared
under mysterious circumstances.

Babe.
Last seen at
her sister's bridal shower

At their family home
in chappaqua, new york...

Babe.
...Witherbottom's sister
elizabeth told officials...

Babe. Baby.
...She sent chantal on
an errand to pick up cupcakes.

Yo.
But she never returned.

Babe!

Hi.

I need to eat now.

You know...

...I think i'm gonna do that
leading women to lead thing.

That's something you think
i'd be good at, right?

[ grunting,
breathing heavily ]

Do you want me to --
aw! Shh. Shh.
Don't talk, baby.

Come on. Don't talk. Don't talk.
Don't talk.

Shh. Shh.

Oh, you almost ready?

Yeah.

Here we go.

Are you okay?
Yeah.

My foot's cramping.

Goodwill. Goodwill.

Goodwill.

Oh, god. What was i thinking?
Goodwill.

Ah!

This i have been saving
for you.

To do what with?

Wear it.
Oh, yeah, of cour--
yeah. Oh, okay.

You could belt it.
It's perfect.
Yeah.

Oh, wait.
How on earth are you gonna

Carry all this stuff
10 blocks?

I just thought
i'd get an uber...
Perfect!

...And then i could just pick up
the dry-cleaning on my way back.

Dory, how is it
that you are so good

At all this stuff
no one else wants to do?

Yeah.
I'm just happy i could help.

Look, my parents
were very progressive,

Which was great.
Yeah, they were great.

Oh! Hey! One second.

And, um...

And right now i'm working
for a major artist.

I'm producing her show.

I can't really say who she is,
but, um, she's huge.

Um, i'm a stylist.
I'm a designer.

I can act if i need to.

I could curate.

I really
just like projects.

I should introduce you
to martine.

Oh, i love martine.

She's amazing,
so no introduction needed.

Yeah, but it's just so
cute because "surviving essex"

Is, like, my parents'
favorite show,

And so they are so sweet
and excited,

And, like, they get it
because i'm --

I'm kind of doing it
as an actor now, which is --

I don't know if you're, like,
a creative type --

I don't really watch tv,
so...

Dory, do you know
my friend alyssa?

No. Hi.
Hi.

Alyssa's a chef at glasserie,

And corinne
is a designer at vogue.

Oh, wow.

This is dory.
She is my friend...

From college.

Can i, um, talk to you
for a moment?

Sure.

I --
hey, portia.

Hi!
Are you okay?

Yeah. Why? Why?

Well, i saw your post
about your friend.

Chantal?

Oh!

It's so hard.

yeah. Thank you for asking.

No, of course.
That's so sweet of you.

i'm okay.
Good.

I just hope she is.
Yeah. Totally.

We just hope
she's having a moment.

But you are --
like, your support

Means so much to me
and to, like, her family.
Oh, of course.

Of course. Yeah.
Thank you.

Marc, if it looks like
i was flirting,

It's probably 'cause i was,
okay?

It's part of my work,

And you have to be comfortable
with that.

Okay,
but as your boyfriend --
uh! That word!

Okay,
i swallow your cum.

Shh.
I take your mom to lunch
every sunday.

To me -- to me,
that means "boyfriend."

Okay, look, look.

I think what we have

Is so, so, so,
so, so, so special.

But when you use
that term,

It just kind of undoes
all of that, okay?

If you're gonna make this
into a problem,

I feel like
you should go home.

But we are in love!

See, i feel like we're
saying the same thing.

I set a google alert
for chantal,

But it keeps updating
me with this woman who
has the same name,

Who just turned 115
in miami.
Hmm.

Which is, you know,
impressive, but...

What?
Dory!

Don't look! Don't!
Oh, my god.

Should i say hi to him first,
or wait till he says --

he's coming.
Which one should i do?

I don't know, but he's here.
He's here.

hey.
Hey. Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

hey, what's up?
Hey.

How you doing?
I'm okay.

Good.
Yeah.

Well, hey, i-i think
i'm gonna head out of here.

Oh, but you
just got here.

Yeah, i just --

I just realized
i'm not really up for this.

But, hey, it's good to see you.
It's been a minute.
Yeah.

You're not still working
for that rich lady, right?

No.
All right.

I-i mean, no, yeah,
yeah, i am,

But it's just like --
just for now.

Sure. Sure.
Yeah.

Cool.
Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

This is nice.
Mm.

Uh...

Bye.

I made you a little drink.
Thanks.

Should we do something?

There's no point.

Something terrible
could be happening.

Yeah, something terrible

Is happening everywhere
all the time.

oh, my god.

Okay.
This is horrible.

Yeah.
This is horrible.

Okay, how about this?

If we hear, like,
a glass shatter

Or something like that,

I'll go over there.
Okay.

Okay?
Yeah.

Oh, my god!
Uh, yeah, i don't --

I -- that could have
been anything.

I don't know.

I just -- look.

Honestly, if you want

To go over there
and deal with that,

That's fine.

I don't know.

Wha-- well,
i don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do, either.
Dory, i can't...

Okay, so...

Look, these girls,
these teenage girls,

They're a very,
very special breed.

They're smart.
They're driven.

They're skillful.
They're passionate.

These girls
need to be challenged,

And i just feel that with you,
they would --

They'd be bored
out of their minds.

I mean i read

All four pages
of your personal statement,

And...

It -- it seems
to paint a picture

Of someone who's immobile,
someone stuck, perhaps.

I-i mean, i

Honestly, you're not even
equipped to teach ticktacktoe.

Right. Um...

I think, uh...

What i was trying
to express was, um...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm, uh -- i'm having a little
trouble finding my words.

uh, i'm sorry.

I'm -- i'm sorry.
I-i-i'm so sorry.

Look, it's just not
a good match.

That's it.
It's clear-cut.

I just feel
a little lost.

Um...

I -- i didn't even really
want to do this program, really.

But i thought
it would feel nice.

It's just, like, everybody
can tell me what i can't do.

But nobody can tell me
what i can do.

How'd it go?

I didn't get it.

What? Oh, my god.
That's crazy.
Yeah.

Well, do you think

They switched up your
application or something?

No, no.
I think they just hated me.

Oh, no.
Nobody hates you.

Come on. Hey.
Yeah?

Let's get
some ice cream.

No, i don't want
ice cream.

I'll get you
moose tracks.

I know you like
moose tracks.

No, i -- i don't want
any right now.
Okay.

What do you want?
I got you. What do you want?

I want --

I really want you

To just walk like
10 steps behind me

Just for...Now, okay?

Come on.
I'm not gonna walk --

Here. Come on.
Look, you're upset, all right?

Yeah.
Let's just
take a deep breath, huh?

All right, this is not
the end of the world.

This is, what, some thing?
It's whatever.

I know that. I know that.
It's just whatever.

Look, honestly, when i tend
to get overwhelmed,

I like to just chill out

And think about the things
i'm grateful for --

You, my mom --
would you please
stop talking?

Please stop talking.
Okay.

Just no words. Just stop.
No. No.

Absolutely.
Yes.

Hey, give me a hug.
Come on.

No, i don't
want a hug, drew!

Listen to me...
I get it.

I don't want a hug,
i don't want ice cream,

I don't want to
take a deep breath

And think about
what i'm thankful for.

I just want you
to shut the up.

Could you do that for me?

Yeah.
I'm just trying to help --

I said,
"shut the up!"

I said,
"shut the up!"

Why can't you do
anything i ask you to do?!

Shut the up!

Shut the up!

Shut the up!!

What's up?

Hi!

Um, is my mom around?
She is. You can go on in.

Great.
Oh, and congratulations.

Thank you.

Hi, mom!

Mom, why are you eating?
We're supposed to get lunch.

I'll be ready in two.
Okay.

it's so sweet
of your receptionist.

She was congratulating me.

I'm, like, so embarrassed

That you can't stop
telling people.

Congratulating you
for what?

"surviving essex."
what?

It's the show that i got
the audition and then i got.

Hey, superstar.

Congratulations --
senior policy adviser?

Get out of town.

Oh, no.

No, that's --
no, that's not me.

That's my sister, alexa.

I'm -- i'm just portia.

Oh! Sorry.

It's okay.
Cool.

Eric,
have you had lunch yet?
I have.

Well, why don't you join us
and have some iced tea?

Otherwise
we'll be bored to death.

Sounds great.

Hey, uh --
hey, w-what are you doing here?

Um...

Can i come in?

Uh, no.

No, it's actually
not a good time.

Oh. Okay.
Yeah, yeah.

Are you seeing somebody?

Y-- no, i mean --
it doesn't matter.

I don't want to know,
actually.

I came here just because
i wanted to, uh,

Ask you something,

And, uh, you know,
you're a real honest guy.

I just wanted to ask,
uh,

What did you even...
Like about me,

Like, when we were together,
you know?

Come on.

Thanks.

Jimmy, stop the timer.

Oh, i'm sorry.

I didn't realize.
I can go.

I mean, i don't want to get
in the way of your education.

It's fine.

So, did you stop
the journalist thing, or --

No, no, no.
I'm still a journalist.

I just like
helping the kids.

Oh.

So, tell me and jimmy
what's up.

Well, it's mainly just...
All this chantal stuff.

It's just really
got me thinking --

Chantal?
Yeah.

You know she's missing,
right?

It's so, so scary.

What does chantal
have to do with you?

Well, it's just --
it's made me wonder.

Like,
would anyone even care

If something bad
happened to me?

You're doing that victim-y thing
again.

No.

No, i'm not.
No?

Okay.
No, she's not.

She's not doing it.

Well, i'm just very upset
by it all, you know?

And it's --
it's devastating.

Yeah, for her,
but not for you.

Am i not allowed to feel sad
for somebody else?

Jimmy, if someone died
that you didn't know,

Would you be sad?
Don't --
that's not fair.

Jimmy, please don't answer
that question, okay?

Okay, look, look --

You asked me to be honest,
so i'm just gonna say this --

I think you've decided
that this matters to you

Because you have
nothing else.

I forgot, um...
How you can be.

And...

And i forgot
that i forgot that.

So, no.
I-it didn't answer my question.

Uh, i'm gonna go.

Jimmy, best of luck.

All right, jimmy.

Let's get you
into college.

Just a second.

Cool.

Hi. How's it going?

It's fine.
Oh, cool.

Um, hey, you know,
if you ever need, um,

A safe place to hang out,

We're right upstairs,

And we got
a really comfy couch

And a hot shower,
and, um --

Look, honestly,
i know what it's like

When things get bad,

And that guy you're with is,
like, a total jerk.

It's nuts,
and i want you to know

It's not your fault.

What's the matter with you?
Noth--

Do you have, like,
a little dick or something?

Oh, um --
"oh, we've got
a really comfy couch,

And we want
to help you out"?
Well, that part's true.

Get the
out of my business,

You baby-cock bitch.
Okay, good shit. Yeah.

You're a bitch.
Uh-huh.

Get the out of my --
yes.

Can you speak english?
I do, yeah.

Do you speak english?
Uh-huh.

Get the on
out of my house!!

Sorry.
I want to say sorry about this.

you!
Okay. Good stuff.

I can smell your dick from here,
you piece of shit!

Understood.

Whoa!

Chantal?!

I've got to go.

Cover me.

Oh, jesus.
Are you kidding me?

There's nobody out here.

Chantal?!

Oh, jesus, nancy!
Sorry.

God!
I'm sorry.

Richard!!

Pammy?!
Come here, quick!

You got something?

chantal?

Chantal?

Hey, i-it's me.

It's dory, from college.

oh.

I'm coming in.

That's her blouse.