Scrubs (2001–2010): Season 1, Episode 24 - My Last Day - full transcript
The interns try and make it through their last day as interns before they become residents; Carla and Turk discuss their relationship.
Since I was a kid, I've been able
to sleep through anything.
Storms, sirens, you name it.
Last night I didn't sleep.
Couldn't stop thinking
about this past year.
Oh, please.
l've seen you naked before.
Dude, you had that?
Five up high for cherry pie!
You find it funny, Dr Dorian?
Why don't you tell me
the EKG findings of Wolff-
Parkinson-White Syndrome?
l haven't even showered yet.
We could shower together
for old time's sake.
l never would've slept with you
if l knew you were Dr Cox's ex.
What was that, newbie?
Relax. He doesn't know.
He likes Carla anyway.
l got Carla wrapped
around my finger.
l heard that!
- What are you guys talking about?
- Nothing.
- Thank you.
- Forget about it.
No, no, no.
You can't forget about these.
l'd pull those hands back
if you wanna keep 'em, Q-tip.
That's just the kind of thing
that can be construed
as sexual harassment.
Got a few hairs
in the sink, there, huh?
For God's sake, man,
don't comb so hard.
All right, enough is enough!
l guess l don't fit in
with your mirror friends.
Enjoy.
I don't know why my mind
is all over the place.
Maybe it's because today
isn't just any other day.
It's my last day as an intern.
Oh, you got me!
Let me go, let me go!
Hey, amigos!
Can you guys believe this?
Tomorrow,
we are officially residents.
Let's get our last day on.
What the hell?
He deserves it too.
Mother...
Mr Bober has been complaining
of abdominal pain and nausea.
- Looks like cholecystitis.
- What, newbie?
This gentleman is suffering
from an inflamed gallbladder
and you have him eating
a grilled cheese sandwich.
Here's an idea.
Why don't we just have him
wash the whole thing down
with a big ol' mug of vodka?
Mr Bober back there is
one of our frequent flyers.
He's with us every six months
for years and l've grown fond of him.
So if you could somehow
manage to not kill him,
well, then, oh, gee,
that would just be ducky.
How come you haven't mentioned
it's my last day as an intern?
Haven't l?
- Come here. Oh!
- OK. OK.
Despite the fact that tomorrow
you will be a resident,
you'll still be the excitable girl
that you are now.
The only difference will be
that some new intern
will mistake you for somebody
who actually knows something.
Why is he so uptight today?
- Hey, Perry.
- Oh, OK.
Jordan. To what
do we owe the horror?
Come on, Perry.
No soft spot for the one woman
who slept with you sober?
Now, if you could sign
this insurance physical,
l'll go back to trying to forget
that horrible, horrible night.
For me to sign this, l would
have to give you a physical.
And when l say ''l,''
l, of course, mean
absolutely anybody but me.
Barbie!
Give my ex-wife here a physical,
and don't be afraid
of that third eye on her chest.
Just remember, it's just as scared
of you as you are of it.
Let's get physical?
- Doesn't matter...
- Carla, can you do me a favour?
Mr Bober needs yet another
Foley catheter. l am so swamped.
Sure, no problem.
But we're not finished yet!
l know we're not finished yet.
l didn't say we were finished yet.
But, baby, it's up to you.
When a couple argues,
you should run
before you get roped in.
Hey, JD.
- You got him, baby.
- l got him.
- l got him!
- Bring him in.
We were talking about our relationship
and how great everything is.
l said, ''lt's weird to think
l'll never date again.''
That's close,
but not quite what you said.
What you said was, ''lt's weird
to think l'll never get to date again.''
You see that? ''Get to date again'',
like she's missing out.
- How messed up is that?
- l did not say ''get''.
You're being ridiculous.
What do you think, JD?
Careful, Tiger. Careful.
l wish people
would call me Tiger.
What?
l agree with Laverne.
Damn kids and their stupid problems.
l just wanna get home to a warm bath,
catch a little bit of that Fear Factor.
Ted, the reason we're not admiring
the new parking structure
is because you failed to get legal
clearance from the zoning board.
Honestly, sometimes l wonder
if you're happy here.
Do it, Ted. Just do it.
Bob! When l heard
you were up on the roof
l just assumed it was
because your evil mission
here on planet Earth had finally
come to an end, so tell me this.
Where exactly is the mother ship?
- Look, Ted. lt's Dr Cox.
- Hey.
l just saw the new shift schedule.
Give me a break, will you?
l'm glad you're here. The hospital
needs a new Residency Director
and l've decided to recommend you.
Now, finish your tantrum
on your own,
because l'm going to go down to
the cafeteria and get myself a fro-yo.
Ted, chop-chop.
Save my spot.
Bambi, Mr Bober's hypotensive.
l think he's becoming septic.
This guy is more work than
all my other patients combined.
Maybe if you tell him how hard it is
on you, he'll get better!
l'll get paper towels.
Don't worry.
Somebody else will get it.
Yeah. Who can we get?
l'm not shocked.
That's how you live your life.
Got a problem?
Hey, just pass it on down the line.
I was gonna say something,
but it turns out
he gave me a pretty good idea.
Thank you so much
for taking Bober from me.
- But, JD, l...
- l owe you.
I'm a little doormat,
I sit and stay
Let people use me
every single day
Excuse me?
Oh, it's a song l'm working on.
l made it up.
So l let myself get taken
advantage of sometimes, you know?
l mean, big deal.
How do you make friends?
l've seen your type before.
You're that girl that thought
she wanted to lose her virginity
at a party while another guy
was asleep in the room.
Chaz really cared for me.
And l'm sure you have
a cool T-shirt to prove it.
Can we please finish this physical?
And l can't pee right now,
so you'll have to go for me.
What a good girl. Good girl.
Still, Elliot wasn't gonna let herself
get stuck with Mr Bober, either.
- How you doing, Mr Bober?
- Fine.
OK, why did you let
Elliot turf him up here?
l don't know.
All l really remember is she dropped
her pen and bent over.
Dude, thong city!
No. No high-five for you.
- Todd did bad?
- Todd did very bad.
Todd did very, very bad.
What the hell, Elliot?
You can't just pawn
this Bober guy off on me.
lt was JD's patient! l was just
the middleman. Woman. Person.
We can stand here
and argue about who screwed who.
Or?
Or nothing.
l'm on break. Let's do it.
- Rock-paper-scissors right now.
- Fine. Loser gets Bober.
Once, twice, three, shoot!
Did you say Bober?
l'm looking for my grandfather,
Frank Bober.
We moved him to the lCU, dear.
He'll show you up.
That's OK. She...
She didn't hear us.
No, but Jesus did.
Just a closer walk with thee
l didn't appreciate
your game this morning.
Heavens to Betsy,
the gazpacho is scrumptious today.
Dangling that fake promotion
in front of me.
l was dead serious about the
Residency Director's position.
Well, what makes you think
that l'd be interested in that?
Because you want my job,
and you'll never get it
without this on your r?sum?.
But you hate me.
- Like nuts in brownies, captain.
- l don't get your angle.
What could you want
in exchange for my support,
because l'm telling you,
l am not dating that daughter of yours.
l only have a son.
That's my bad. l was just going
by that picture on your desk.
You know the financial burdens
l deal with.
l want you to stop busting my chops
all the time and get on my team.
- Forget about it.
- Fine. Walk away.
Scrumptious.
Wanna bite?
We're doctors.
That's how doctors talk to doctors.
Our only mistake was not being careful
about where we were.
We agree we did nothing wrong,
so let's check in on him
and forget about it.
And that's when
the three of us realized,
even though we'd all
spent time with Mr Bober,
none of us had any idea
what he looked like.
Over here.
Hey, guys.
When we started here a year ago
and saw some of the
insensitive and jaded doctors,
we all said the same thing:
''That's not gonna be me. ''
Really, the only solace
is that the guilt
passes pretty quickly.
What's wrong, dog?
You guys,
we have to do something.
lf we remove Mr Bober's gallbladder,
it should relieve the abdominal pain.
lsn't he a little old
for that procedure?
- Well, he seems stable enough.
- Problem is, he has no insurance.
And then, all at once,
we realized we had to do something.
We decided to attack
the problem on three fronts.
Dr Cox?
Ms Sullivan?
Dr Wen?
l thought if you looked
at Mr Bober's chart and agreed,
you might be able
to pull some strings or...
And now, here it comes:
The calling me a girl's name,
the telling me
not to waste my time...
Yep. l'll be more than glad
to help you there, Charlotte.
I was half right.
Well, thank you.
Don't ever be afraid
to come to me with stuff like that.
The simple fact
that you seem to give a crap
is the reason l took an interest
in you to begin with.
lt's why l trust you as a doctor.
Hell, it's...
lt's why l trust you as a person.
Are you dying?
l've got a new shrink.
Ah, just say it.
You know, l want to thank you
for this whole year.
Oh, no.
And l just want to know
if l can buy you dinner.
That'd be terrific.
- Great! l'm off in a half hour...
- Oh, no!
Here l was led
to believe that you were...
...doing a gift certificate
kind of thing.
But to sit and eat with you? That's...
That's just... That's crazy talk.
l have half a mind
to issue you a drug test.
- Come on! What'd l sign up for...
- Would've been nice.
He doesn't have insurance. lf you could
talk to the board, JD thought maybe...
First he dumps that patient on you,
and now he wants you
to ask me a favour?
lf you don't start saying no,
you're gonna wind up
on the playing a game
- l call Hide The Pickle.
- JD and l are just colleagues.
l was joking, but you actually
slept with him, didn't you?
A little.
l don't know where your mother was when
she should've told you these things,
but you cannot have sex
with someone you care about.
Sex is for making babies and revenge.
Oh, you're so full of it.
Listen, stick,
if you wanna wipe your nose
and pretend that was a sneeze,
l will play along.
But if you have something to say,
say it.
Everybody knows
you're sleeping with Dr Cox,
and it can't be about making babies,
cos you'd end up eating them.
As for revenge, l'm not sure
that pleasuring him
while he watches SportsCenter
hurts him as much as you think.
You still care about him
whether you admit it or not.
And if you lay one finger on me,
l'm blowing my rape whistle.
Kiss her?
So you see, Dr Wen,
it's not really a favour.
We were supposed to do surgery
on Mrs Beckerman, but she passed away.
Go on.
She's dead, and we hoped that you
could keep her name on the roster.
We don't wanna do surgery on her.
Let's face it, Dr Wen.
We're good, but we're not that good.
- You know what l'm saying?
- No.
We want to get a patient
approved for surgery.
We hope you can keep the slot open.
Oh, sure.
Dr Turk, next time
you need to talk to me,
think hard about what you want to say,
then send her.
- Of course. Thanks, Dr Wen.
- See, what happened there was,
l knew what you were trying to say
despite the exact words you were using.
l tried to help you out instead
of getting mad at you over nothing.
Baby, we both know
it's not the same.
You are the dumbest man
l ever laid eyes on.
Still.
Didn't hurt! Didn't hurt!
Tell me if it hurts this time!
So, you want me to approve
surgery on a 76-year-old man
with no insurance
and no life-threatening condition?
Young man, l'm curious.
What did you think the end result
of this conversation would be?
Well, pretty much, this.
Except l'm invested,
so l thought l might try crying.
Sport, if crying worked on me,
my wife would have
her own car by now.
- Bob? l think you should reconsider.
- What's that, Perry?
l mean, because that didn't sound
like something a teammate would say.
Maybe you meant to pat me on
the ass and say, ''Go get 'em, Bob.''
Right, but what if
we were to look at this
from a purely fiscal perspective?
Did he just say ''fiscal''?
After all, Mr Bober
is here every four to six months,
and if we were
to consider his surgery
as a one-time expenditure, then...
...you would be making
the right financial call.
See now? That's the kind of thinking
l can get behind!
How'd that make you feel?
- Dirty all over.
- You get used to it.
Boys, l'll do what l can,
but if you're gonna pull this off,
you're gonna need
a board member behind you.
How the hell
are we supposed to get that?
This is the closest l've come
to not hating myself
after sleeping with you.
Oh, you're just saying that.
Actually, l'm not. l...
We connected.
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
l guess l was just thinking
of a guy l kind of like.
Let me guess.
He is an arrogant, self-hating
narcissist who just needs to be loved.
- Yeah, pretty much.
- Nobody better.
Hey, stud?
Thank you for not asking me
to help on the Bober thing.
l would've,
but it would've been pointless.
Turns out, you're a very
predictable woman there.
- Please.
- l know you.
You're gonna walk into that boardroom
tonight all tall and strong,
and then you're gonna sit back and just
pray that nobody asks your opinion.
l mean, l'm sure
you probably think
that your little visits here
are a spontaneous surprise,
but did you ever wonder
why the only two candles l own
are already lit
when you walk in that door?
l mean, doll, l hate to tell you this,
but l don't walk around
all day with cologne
down in my engine room.
l'm not that guy.
Some people like reliability.
ln a sedan, it turns out it's terrific.
Cheers.
Here's the good news, however.
Turns out it's never too late
to turn the whole thing around.
Really?
All you gotta do
is stir it up a little bit.
- Stir it up?
- Stir it right the hell up.
- l'll try to remember that.
- So l'm guessing
l'll be seeing you
in about 1 1 days, right?
Probably at the exact same time.
Don't forget to stir it up, baby.
And so it comes down to this,
the hospital board meeting
to decide Mr Bober's fate.
And in a weird way, ours too.
As cheesy as it sounds,
I think we knew
we were all gonna be OK.
Hi, Mr Bober.
Still, I've had this feeling
that I'm forgetting something.
Hey!
Congratulations
on becoming a resident.
Glad l could help.
Help? You were awful to me.
You... awful.
Anyway, go get 'em, tiger.
The world is your oyster, my friend.
What?
lt's my first day.
l'm waiting for someone.
This door is broke.
Every fifth time or so,
it don't open.
Maybe there's a paper clip
stuck in there.
- Why a paper clip?
- l was just making small talk.
- Did you put a paper clip in there?
- No.
lf l find a paper clip...
...you're goin' down.
- Here's to the new residents!
- Here, here!
- l'm a doctor!
- It's been a long year,
but the important thing is,
we got through it together.
- We were a family.
- Hey, everyone.
- Oh, hi.
- How are you?
Ms Sullivan, thank you
for helping us with Mr Bober.
Don't mention it. Even though
l wasn't invited to your party,
- l brought presents for everyone.
- Brace yourself, newbie.
Carla, my ex-husband
is in love with you.
lt's true.
Ask your boyfriend. He knows.
He and Perry
talk about it all the time.
l don't know why you haven't
mentioned this to her.
Perhaps you're afraid
of something. Huh.
And, Bob, when are you gonna
tell Perry that that promotion
you're making him jump through
hoops for was filled months ago?
lt just seems wrong.
Which brings us to Twinkie.
lf you don't have the courage
to tell your ''colleague'' Dr Dorian
that you're still crazy about him,
l'm gonna do it for you,
cos that's what friends do. Yeah.
And finally, Perry,
you are not gonna
believe what happened
the first time l met
your little prot?g? here.
Oh, please, God, no.
l slept with him,
and it was good.
How's that for stirring things up?
Have a great summer, everyone. Bye.
Yup. One big happy family.
to sleep through anything.
Storms, sirens, you name it.
Last night I didn't sleep.
Couldn't stop thinking
about this past year.
Oh, please.
l've seen you naked before.
Dude, you had that?
Five up high for cherry pie!
You find it funny, Dr Dorian?
Why don't you tell me
the EKG findings of Wolff-
Parkinson-White Syndrome?
l haven't even showered yet.
We could shower together
for old time's sake.
l never would've slept with you
if l knew you were Dr Cox's ex.
What was that, newbie?
Relax. He doesn't know.
He likes Carla anyway.
l got Carla wrapped
around my finger.
l heard that!
- What are you guys talking about?
- Nothing.
- Thank you.
- Forget about it.
No, no, no.
You can't forget about these.
l'd pull those hands back
if you wanna keep 'em, Q-tip.
That's just the kind of thing
that can be construed
as sexual harassment.
Got a few hairs
in the sink, there, huh?
For God's sake, man,
don't comb so hard.
All right, enough is enough!
l guess l don't fit in
with your mirror friends.
Enjoy.
I don't know why my mind
is all over the place.
Maybe it's because today
isn't just any other day.
It's my last day as an intern.
Oh, you got me!
Let me go, let me go!
Hey, amigos!
Can you guys believe this?
Tomorrow,
we are officially residents.
Let's get our last day on.
What the hell?
He deserves it too.
Mother...
Mr Bober has been complaining
of abdominal pain and nausea.
- Looks like cholecystitis.
- What, newbie?
This gentleman is suffering
from an inflamed gallbladder
and you have him eating
a grilled cheese sandwich.
Here's an idea.
Why don't we just have him
wash the whole thing down
with a big ol' mug of vodka?
Mr Bober back there is
one of our frequent flyers.
He's with us every six months
for years and l've grown fond of him.
So if you could somehow
manage to not kill him,
well, then, oh, gee,
that would just be ducky.
How come you haven't mentioned
it's my last day as an intern?
Haven't l?
- Come here. Oh!
- OK. OK.
Despite the fact that tomorrow
you will be a resident,
you'll still be the excitable girl
that you are now.
The only difference will be
that some new intern
will mistake you for somebody
who actually knows something.
Why is he so uptight today?
- Hey, Perry.
- Oh, OK.
Jordan. To what
do we owe the horror?
Come on, Perry.
No soft spot for the one woman
who slept with you sober?
Now, if you could sign
this insurance physical,
l'll go back to trying to forget
that horrible, horrible night.
For me to sign this, l would
have to give you a physical.
And when l say ''l,''
l, of course, mean
absolutely anybody but me.
Barbie!
Give my ex-wife here a physical,
and don't be afraid
of that third eye on her chest.
Just remember, it's just as scared
of you as you are of it.
Let's get physical?
- Doesn't matter...
- Carla, can you do me a favour?
Mr Bober needs yet another
Foley catheter. l am so swamped.
Sure, no problem.
But we're not finished yet!
l know we're not finished yet.
l didn't say we were finished yet.
But, baby, it's up to you.
When a couple argues,
you should run
before you get roped in.
Hey, JD.
- You got him, baby.
- l got him.
- l got him!
- Bring him in.
We were talking about our relationship
and how great everything is.
l said, ''lt's weird to think
l'll never date again.''
That's close,
but not quite what you said.
What you said was, ''lt's weird
to think l'll never get to date again.''
You see that? ''Get to date again'',
like she's missing out.
- How messed up is that?
- l did not say ''get''.
You're being ridiculous.
What do you think, JD?
Careful, Tiger. Careful.
l wish people
would call me Tiger.
What?
l agree with Laverne.
Damn kids and their stupid problems.
l just wanna get home to a warm bath,
catch a little bit of that Fear Factor.
Ted, the reason we're not admiring
the new parking structure
is because you failed to get legal
clearance from the zoning board.
Honestly, sometimes l wonder
if you're happy here.
Do it, Ted. Just do it.
Bob! When l heard
you were up on the roof
l just assumed it was
because your evil mission
here on planet Earth had finally
come to an end, so tell me this.
Where exactly is the mother ship?
- Look, Ted. lt's Dr Cox.
- Hey.
l just saw the new shift schedule.
Give me a break, will you?
l'm glad you're here. The hospital
needs a new Residency Director
and l've decided to recommend you.
Now, finish your tantrum
on your own,
because l'm going to go down to
the cafeteria and get myself a fro-yo.
Ted, chop-chop.
Save my spot.
Bambi, Mr Bober's hypotensive.
l think he's becoming septic.
This guy is more work than
all my other patients combined.
Maybe if you tell him how hard it is
on you, he'll get better!
l'll get paper towels.
Don't worry.
Somebody else will get it.
Yeah. Who can we get?
l'm not shocked.
That's how you live your life.
Got a problem?
Hey, just pass it on down the line.
I was gonna say something,
but it turns out
he gave me a pretty good idea.
Thank you so much
for taking Bober from me.
- But, JD, l...
- l owe you.
I'm a little doormat,
I sit and stay
Let people use me
every single day
Excuse me?
Oh, it's a song l'm working on.
l made it up.
So l let myself get taken
advantage of sometimes, you know?
l mean, big deal.
How do you make friends?
l've seen your type before.
You're that girl that thought
she wanted to lose her virginity
at a party while another guy
was asleep in the room.
Chaz really cared for me.
And l'm sure you have
a cool T-shirt to prove it.
Can we please finish this physical?
And l can't pee right now,
so you'll have to go for me.
What a good girl. Good girl.
Still, Elliot wasn't gonna let herself
get stuck with Mr Bober, either.
- How you doing, Mr Bober?
- Fine.
OK, why did you let
Elliot turf him up here?
l don't know.
All l really remember is she dropped
her pen and bent over.
Dude, thong city!
No. No high-five for you.
- Todd did bad?
- Todd did very bad.
Todd did very, very bad.
What the hell, Elliot?
You can't just pawn
this Bober guy off on me.
lt was JD's patient! l was just
the middleman. Woman. Person.
We can stand here
and argue about who screwed who.
Or?
Or nothing.
l'm on break. Let's do it.
- Rock-paper-scissors right now.
- Fine. Loser gets Bober.
Once, twice, three, shoot!
Did you say Bober?
l'm looking for my grandfather,
Frank Bober.
We moved him to the lCU, dear.
He'll show you up.
That's OK. She...
She didn't hear us.
No, but Jesus did.
Just a closer walk with thee
l didn't appreciate
your game this morning.
Heavens to Betsy,
the gazpacho is scrumptious today.
Dangling that fake promotion
in front of me.
l was dead serious about the
Residency Director's position.
Well, what makes you think
that l'd be interested in that?
Because you want my job,
and you'll never get it
without this on your r?sum?.
But you hate me.
- Like nuts in brownies, captain.
- l don't get your angle.
What could you want
in exchange for my support,
because l'm telling you,
l am not dating that daughter of yours.
l only have a son.
That's my bad. l was just going
by that picture on your desk.
You know the financial burdens
l deal with.
l want you to stop busting my chops
all the time and get on my team.
- Forget about it.
- Fine. Walk away.
Scrumptious.
Wanna bite?
We're doctors.
That's how doctors talk to doctors.
Our only mistake was not being careful
about where we were.
We agree we did nothing wrong,
so let's check in on him
and forget about it.
And that's when
the three of us realized,
even though we'd all
spent time with Mr Bober,
none of us had any idea
what he looked like.
Over here.
Hey, guys.
When we started here a year ago
and saw some of the
insensitive and jaded doctors,
we all said the same thing:
''That's not gonna be me. ''
Really, the only solace
is that the guilt
passes pretty quickly.
What's wrong, dog?
You guys,
we have to do something.
lf we remove Mr Bober's gallbladder,
it should relieve the abdominal pain.
lsn't he a little old
for that procedure?
- Well, he seems stable enough.
- Problem is, he has no insurance.
And then, all at once,
we realized we had to do something.
We decided to attack
the problem on three fronts.
Dr Cox?
Ms Sullivan?
Dr Wen?
l thought if you looked
at Mr Bober's chart and agreed,
you might be able
to pull some strings or...
And now, here it comes:
The calling me a girl's name,
the telling me
not to waste my time...
Yep. l'll be more than glad
to help you there, Charlotte.
I was half right.
Well, thank you.
Don't ever be afraid
to come to me with stuff like that.
The simple fact
that you seem to give a crap
is the reason l took an interest
in you to begin with.
lt's why l trust you as a doctor.
Hell, it's...
lt's why l trust you as a person.
Are you dying?
l've got a new shrink.
Ah, just say it.
You know, l want to thank you
for this whole year.
Oh, no.
And l just want to know
if l can buy you dinner.
That'd be terrific.
- Great! l'm off in a half hour...
- Oh, no!
Here l was led
to believe that you were...
...doing a gift certificate
kind of thing.
But to sit and eat with you? That's...
That's just... That's crazy talk.
l have half a mind
to issue you a drug test.
- Come on! What'd l sign up for...
- Would've been nice.
He doesn't have insurance. lf you could
talk to the board, JD thought maybe...
First he dumps that patient on you,
and now he wants you
to ask me a favour?
lf you don't start saying no,
you're gonna wind up
on the playing a game
- l call Hide The Pickle.
- JD and l are just colleagues.
l was joking, but you actually
slept with him, didn't you?
A little.
l don't know where your mother was when
she should've told you these things,
but you cannot have sex
with someone you care about.
Sex is for making babies and revenge.
Oh, you're so full of it.
Listen, stick,
if you wanna wipe your nose
and pretend that was a sneeze,
l will play along.
But if you have something to say,
say it.
Everybody knows
you're sleeping with Dr Cox,
and it can't be about making babies,
cos you'd end up eating them.
As for revenge, l'm not sure
that pleasuring him
while he watches SportsCenter
hurts him as much as you think.
You still care about him
whether you admit it or not.
And if you lay one finger on me,
l'm blowing my rape whistle.
Kiss her?
So you see, Dr Wen,
it's not really a favour.
We were supposed to do surgery
on Mrs Beckerman, but she passed away.
Go on.
She's dead, and we hoped that you
could keep her name on the roster.
We don't wanna do surgery on her.
Let's face it, Dr Wen.
We're good, but we're not that good.
- You know what l'm saying?
- No.
We want to get a patient
approved for surgery.
We hope you can keep the slot open.
Oh, sure.
Dr Turk, next time
you need to talk to me,
think hard about what you want to say,
then send her.
- Of course. Thanks, Dr Wen.
- See, what happened there was,
l knew what you were trying to say
despite the exact words you were using.
l tried to help you out instead
of getting mad at you over nothing.
Baby, we both know
it's not the same.
You are the dumbest man
l ever laid eyes on.
Still.
Didn't hurt! Didn't hurt!
Tell me if it hurts this time!
So, you want me to approve
surgery on a 76-year-old man
with no insurance
and no life-threatening condition?
Young man, l'm curious.
What did you think the end result
of this conversation would be?
Well, pretty much, this.
Except l'm invested,
so l thought l might try crying.
Sport, if crying worked on me,
my wife would have
her own car by now.
- Bob? l think you should reconsider.
- What's that, Perry?
l mean, because that didn't sound
like something a teammate would say.
Maybe you meant to pat me on
the ass and say, ''Go get 'em, Bob.''
Right, but what if
we were to look at this
from a purely fiscal perspective?
Did he just say ''fiscal''?
After all, Mr Bober
is here every four to six months,
and if we were
to consider his surgery
as a one-time expenditure, then...
...you would be making
the right financial call.
See now? That's the kind of thinking
l can get behind!
How'd that make you feel?
- Dirty all over.
- You get used to it.
Boys, l'll do what l can,
but if you're gonna pull this off,
you're gonna need
a board member behind you.
How the hell
are we supposed to get that?
This is the closest l've come
to not hating myself
after sleeping with you.
Oh, you're just saying that.
Actually, l'm not. l...
We connected.
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
l guess l was just thinking
of a guy l kind of like.
Let me guess.
He is an arrogant, self-hating
narcissist who just needs to be loved.
- Yeah, pretty much.
- Nobody better.
Hey, stud?
Thank you for not asking me
to help on the Bober thing.
l would've,
but it would've been pointless.
Turns out, you're a very
predictable woman there.
- Please.
- l know you.
You're gonna walk into that boardroom
tonight all tall and strong,
and then you're gonna sit back and just
pray that nobody asks your opinion.
l mean, l'm sure
you probably think
that your little visits here
are a spontaneous surprise,
but did you ever wonder
why the only two candles l own
are already lit
when you walk in that door?
l mean, doll, l hate to tell you this,
but l don't walk around
all day with cologne
down in my engine room.
l'm not that guy.
Some people like reliability.
ln a sedan, it turns out it's terrific.
Cheers.
Here's the good news, however.
Turns out it's never too late
to turn the whole thing around.
Really?
All you gotta do
is stir it up a little bit.
- Stir it up?
- Stir it right the hell up.
- l'll try to remember that.
- So l'm guessing
l'll be seeing you
in about 1 1 days, right?
Probably at the exact same time.
Don't forget to stir it up, baby.
And so it comes down to this,
the hospital board meeting
to decide Mr Bober's fate.
And in a weird way, ours too.
As cheesy as it sounds,
I think we knew
we were all gonna be OK.
Hi, Mr Bober.
Still, I've had this feeling
that I'm forgetting something.
Hey!
Congratulations
on becoming a resident.
Glad l could help.
Help? You were awful to me.
You... awful.
Anyway, go get 'em, tiger.
The world is your oyster, my friend.
What?
lt's my first day.
l'm waiting for someone.
This door is broke.
Every fifth time or so,
it don't open.
Maybe there's a paper clip
stuck in there.
- Why a paper clip?
- l was just making small talk.
- Did you put a paper clip in there?
- No.
lf l find a paper clip...
...you're goin' down.
- Here's to the new residents!
- Here, here!
- l'm a doctor!
- It's been a long year,
but the important thing is,
we got through it together.
- We were a family.
- Hey, everyone.
- Oh, hi.
- How are you?
Ms Sullivan, thank you
for helping us with Mr Bober.
Don't mention it. Even though
l wasn't invited to your party,
- l brought presents for everyone.
- Brace yourself, newbie.
Carla, my ex-husband
is in love with you.
lt's true.
Ask your boyfriend. He knows.
He and Perry
talk about it all the time.
l don't know why you haven't
mentioned this to her.
Perhaps you're afraid
of something. Huh.
And, Bob, when are you gonna
tell Perry that that promotion
you're making him jump through
hoops for was filled months ago?
lt just seems wrong.
Which brings us to Twinkie.
lf you don't have the courage
to tell your ''colleague'' Dr Dorian
that you're still crazy about him,
l'm gonna do it for you,
cos that's what friends do. Yeah.
And finally, Perry,
you are not gonna
believe what happened
the first time l met
your little prot?g? here.
Oh, please, God, no.
l slept with him,
and it was good.
How's that for stirring things up?
Have a great summer, everyone. Bye.
Yup. One big happy family.