Screw (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Excuse me.

Hi, excuse me?

Are you on Charlie Wing?

Why?

I'm Toby. Phillips. Grad Trainee.

Oh.

But hopefully not as big
a twat as you're expecting.

I weren't expecting anything, so...

Oh, the SO hasn't mentioned me?

Er, Miss Henry's not
a big sharer, so...

But she is a brilliant officer,



at least, that's what they say on
other wings.

I'm really looking forward

to learning from her.

You're in early.

So are you.

Wanted to make a good impression,
first day and all that.

Well, as long as you weren't
expecting an induction.

Are you waiting on me?

Is that OK?

It's nice not to have
to walk onto a new wing alone.

Yeah. Just... Just a sec.

Actually, earlier the better,
probably. Yeah.

SHE SIGHS

Connor Joyce.



All good, Miss Gill?

Yeah, all, um...

Not meant to be taking that bag in,
though, are you?

Yeah, I know, but if

I bring my lunch in a clear
plastic bag, shit disappears...

Full of thieves, innit?
Yeah, and I...

I haven't been searched since
I started

so I just thought, I'll bring my
lunchbox in

and fuck it, a shit-ton of drugs
and an AK-47...

He's threatened who?

All I know is it was a non Muslim.

And Joyce told him he's got access
to knives.

Who's told you this?
One of the congregation...

Someone who doesn't like
white converts?

You know that's not how it works.

Once someone becomes a brother,
we care for him, no matter what.

It was reported to me
out of concern for Joyce,

and I am concerned.
I think you should be, too.

He seems angry about something,

but I can't get him to talk
about it.

So, open the bag, please.

Yeah.

Oh, I actually wanted to be
a bit early today, so...

What if I brought you a
chocolate-spread sandwich later?

You really think I'm that easy
to corrupt, Miss Gill?

I've told him "non-believer"
doesn't mean "enemy" but...

He knows a lot about attacks by
radicals on the out.

Are you saying he's a threat?

I'm saying he needs help.

I'll still be expecting my sandwich
at lunchtime.

Fine. Bye.

And you have got the toilets to
the left here.

This is Toby, everyone.

You've met Rose.

Um, Ali. Don.

Selfish pissbag only making himself
coffee is Gary.

That's the boss.

This is Mr Phillips,
he's a Grad Trainee

and he's already spent time on
other wings,

so let's assume he'll last longer
than the recruits we usually get.

Right, anyone?

Mr Phillips?

Is this "shamboiling"?
You've heard about it?

It was all the rage on
A Wing - they boil the bottle,

inhale the fumes.
Doesn't even work, apparently.

Don't tell me. Caplan.

And Chunk, caught by Night Duty...

Oh, if anyone needs a shampoo,
it's Chunk...

Drugs must be fucking scarce...

Which is good,

but this is dangerous
so eyes out for anyone

with extra shampoo,

especially you two.
I want you on AFCs this week.

Accommodation Fabric Checks.
I know...

Yeah, I know...

We're behind and it'll be good
for you to meet the wing.

Great. I'd also love
to get some time with you...

Could you do Connor Joyce's cell in
the first batch,

search his belongings?
You're looking for weapons.

Why, have we got intel?

Joyce. I think he smashed his cell
up on A Wing?

That's why we got him.

He's converted to Islam since

and has been making threats
towards non Muslims.

Mr Shah, have you heard anything?
Why me?

Because if Muslim prisoners are
worried about Joyce,

they're more likely to talk to you.

I'm banning him from Friday Prayers
until he engages with us...

Now, that might make things worse...

Hang on, hang on,

some white scruff turns Muslim

and you're worried about him
influencing them?

We need to take this seriously.

If there's a credible threat to
non Muslims,

then officers are higher-value
targets than prisoners.

Should be celebrating his own
culture,

except then he'd be called
"racist"...

JACKIE: Oi. Leave it.

Talk to Franklin on the hotplate...

Oh, he always does. He's his hero.

And on roll count,

once again, we count heads,
not beds.

Fantastic.

What a sprog.

Careful with that one,
his sort don't get the banter.

I'll do AFCs with him if you like...

Are you always on heat?
It's "in" heat and yes...

He could be your son...

Still be bathing him, though,
if he was, eh?

You know ferrets? They can actually
die if they don't get enough sex.

Yeah? Yeah, that's a true fact, man.

Boss. Can I get in to clean
the classroom? Yeah.

I've got it. I've got it.
You sure? Yeah.

Ready to go? Yeah.

So what did you study at uni? PPE.

Like face masks and shit?

Philosophy, Politics, Economics...

Right, so why aren't you running
the country?

What the fuck are you doing here?

What are any of us doing here?

Well, I'm trying to find out
if a shoplifter from Manchester

with a shit beard is trying
to kill us all.

..three. Twoey, three.

Daniels, three.

All right, man?

Been reading Charlie Hobbs's book?

He talks about
the Safe Deposit Centre robbery.

Oh, yeah? Get a mention, did I?

He said it was your idea
to kidnap the guy.

I wanted vegetarian...

No such thing as honour any more.

Do your menu sheet on time, chief.

If you don't do your sheet,
you get chef's choice. Zaid, two.

But...

One of these days,

I'll tell you what really happened
that night.

Adams, two.

How's...? How's Joyce doing?

Seems a good kid. Why?

He hasn't said or done anything
that makes you think

that he might be up to something?

Zukker, three. Since you seem

to know more about my life than
my mother,

Mr Shah, what do I value most?

Oh, I'm not asking you to grass.

Honour.

He's a bit lost, that's all,

that's how he found your lot, innit?

Don't get me wrong. I get it.

If I was him looking for something,

anything to fucking believe in,
I'd probably convert myself.

Tanner, three.

Nothing I need to know, is there?
No.

What's up with you?
Is all the chicken halal?

Yes...

Right, I want my chicken non-halal.

Tanner. Don't start.

Did you hear something?
What's the problem?

Problem is I'm pagan and as such,

I don't see why his lot get

to say how my fucking lunch
is killed.

Want me to show you how something
should be killed, kuff?

Calm down, sunshine,
Since when was you "pagan"?

About ten minutes ago.
Prick. Relax...

Relax? You gonna stand for this,
mate? Are you Muslim or not?

Oi.

Yeah, yeah, I am Muslim, man,

so I know how important
Friday Prayers are

and if you don't stop using words

that you don't understand
like "kuff",

they'll ban you next week, OK?
As well as this one. Right?

It's not fair.

Leave it out,
I'll find you a piece of fruit.

Him an' all, yeah.

I'll keep an eye on him.
Thanks, Franklin.

At training, they said,
back in the '90s,

they made it a requirement for
officers to have five GCSEs,

but they had to scrap it,
because nobody met the criteria.

Oh, I don't know what qualifies
anyone to do this.

All I know is if you're putting
people in charge of others,

especially if they're vulnerable,

they'd better be the right people...

Exactly.

Talk all you want about
rehabilitation programmes,

fact is we're the best programme
there is.

If you treat people
with respect and integrity,

do what you say you're going to do,
what's more powerful than that?

Did you find anything in
Connor Joyce's pad?

No. Incense. Talking of programmes,

I was thinking he could do
Desistance & Disengagement

or Healthy Identity...

It's a good thought,

but his offence
isn't terror-related.

Stick with this one.
You might learn something.

Adrian.

My family sent me new books weeks
ago, why can't I have them?

I, um...

Someone said you have
to test all the pages,

make sure they haven't been soaked
in spice or whatever...

So if someone did that with, say,
the Bible, you'd make a fortune...

I don't smoke.

Don't worry, we'll ask Security,
see what's going on.

Having a good day, Costa?

I'm good, Miss. We're all good.

Hey, look, this, all from one cell.

Whose? Baldy's.

Thieving bastards.
They've cleared my cell.

Oh, flakey? Oh...Oh,
he's not happy, come on.

Mr Shah? Yep.

Did you find anything out?
Jihadi Joyce.

Oh, yeah, Franklin said he'll keep
an eye on him,

yeah, everybody respects Franklin...

He wanted to get his autograph
when he arrived.

I didn't, though, in the end.

I noticed you used a prisoner's
Christian name. Adrian.

Why shouldn't I?

No, it's just...
I haven't come across it elsewhere.

Do you have time for that chat now?

Tomorrow.
We'll sort it all out tomorrow.

You played me, Miss Gill.

Where was my sandwich?

What if I buy you a drink instead?

Oh, I'm working nights.

What about next week?

Maybe, if I'm still here.

Told you you wouldn't get an
induction.

She's just busy,
we're doing it later.

You're not saying
you still haven't had one?

Don't matter now.

I think she decided I'd leave any
minute now, so why bother...?

Well, half of all new recruits...
Yeah, I know...

But, still.

William. Did you get your package?

I see you, Mini Leigh. Calling
prisoners by their first names.

So, will you? Stay?

Why do you wanna know?
Is there a book running?

On what?

On how long I stay...

Not that I know of.

I don't.

Although I think there might be one
on who has sex with you first.

Prisoners or staff?

Mr Campbell's been "intimate"

with officers on every wing,
from what I've heard...

From who, him?

Well, I'm more worried about you
than me, mate.

You know Tanya on B Wing?

She once shagged a Governor
who named his cock Toby.

I'm not going to get a sexual
harassment complaint

about you, am I?

If anyone goes to HR,
it'll be Miss Gill about you.

Why are you being
so hard on her, anyway?

I know people like her...

Do you? Who?

When do you ever go anywhere
or see anyone?

Honestly, no wonder you're being
a mardy cow.

You're stressed to fuck,
you never leave this place...

Actually,
I need to nip out in a bit.

OK. I'll cover.

TANNOY: INDISTINCT SPEECH

What was that?

Don't know, don't care.
How many more?

Here, let me.

Is it true you went to university?
Why?

I want to write to my girlfriend,
but I can't.

Write, I mean, I mean, I can,
but like a kid.

Reading's the same.

Will you do it
if I told you what to say?

Won't she know it's not
your handwriting?

Nah, it's pretty new,

I don't want to lose her.
Please, boss?

How come you're still here?

Because I've got a brain

and I know how it looks if
I walk away

the minute the shelves get stocked.

What's your name?

Goldie...

Christian name?

Dan. Why?

I will do it, Dan,

but only if you let me get you
some help with your literacy.

How come you're still here?

I think she likes me. Boss.

Oi-oi.
Look at him running away, man.

Cos he knows what I'm
going to say to him.

Been trying to get that guy
to do a business course for ages.

He's a smart guy, you know. Yeah.

It's my meeting with the SO.
Ooh, have you got your notepad?

Give me a second, yeah? Yeah.

Boss.

Where's my books, guv?

Yeah, erm, I spoke to
Security, yeah,

and they're not happy about one
of them. Crime And...

Crime And Punishment?!
Are you shitting me?

That's what they said, man.

So I can get as much true crime
bollocks as I want

from the library, but I'm not
allowed a classic

of world literature?

There's some good true crime
in there, you know...

It's not about how it affects us,

it's what it does to
the other fucking nutters.

You're in for manslaughter.

Yeah. So are you.
Exactly.

And I've never read Crime
And fucking Punishment. Relax.

I'll, I'll chat to them
again, yeah?

I've, erm, got a meeting,
with the SO.

Yeah, she's not here, sweetheart.
Anything I can do for you?

Do you know where she's gone?
Had to nip out.

Excuse me. Sorry. Thank you.

Oh, great,
I thought you'd forgotten.

I need to do something first...

I know you're busy, I really won't
take up much of your time...

I said I can't now,

unless you want to explain
to Governor Ray why

the document he's been waiting
for has been delayed.

Happy to. Mr Ray's my mentor.

Sorry, would you,
would you give us a minute?

There you go.

He's a spy.

Sorry. He's a what?

Ray sent him to watch me...

Why the fuck would he do that?

Because they want me out,
Jackie, and they are pushing

and pushing until I do something
there's no coming back from.

Like what?

What, Leigh?

You all right?
You losing it or something?

Well, look, yeah,
you take the odd risk,

sure, but only for good reasons.

It's not like you're
a fucking criminal. You know...

So I emptied the complaints box
last night.

"Shit-ton of drugs all over the wing
you need to fucking sort it."

Oh, now, shouldn't there be a comma
in there somewhere?

We don't know who wrote it?

Before posting it in
the anonymous complaints box?

Woo, fucking university this one...

Fantastic. Might be bullshit, the
amount of wind-ups they post in
there.

Yeah, but Fat Andrew was off
his tits at bang-up...

On what, conditioner? Skank.
First sign I've seen in weeks.

What happened to no grassing?

There's no such thing as honour
any more.

It's not about honour,
they live here,

and most don't want drugs on
the wing any more than we do.

Makes everyone's life
more dangerous,

Ask around, eyes open.

And I'm still not convinced
Connor Joyce isn't a danger,

to himself or others.

Mr Phillips. Miss Stokes'll give you
a wing induction.

Certainly will.

We'll get canteen out of
the way tomorrow,

and then I'll show you anything
you wanna see.

Come on then.

You think all criminals
are in prison?

Only the shit ones are in here,

the ones who are good at it are out
there laughing at traitors like you.

All right, boss. Afternoon, did you
get that letter off? Yeah.

Good.

Criminal law only started to keep
the working class in its place.

That's what prisons are for.

And who is it locks
the fucking doors?

Our own kind. People like
you, Screwlet.

Is that what you are, a traitor?

This what you always dreamed
of doing when you was a kid?

You don't have to worry about me,
handing in my notice on Friday.

Good.
Hi.

Tony and...Nicky?

Why is cell 82 out of action?

SO's orders...

Right, but why?
Oh, don't use that word.

Something about the electrics.

They're bust.

Can we do that letter now, Mr F?

Mr F?

Philips.

Yeah.

Steven?

Your appointment with Housing's
in an hour, don't forget.

Thanks.
Clock's ticking.

You need to get organised.
You ever been homeless?

Yeah, I have, I hadn't forgotten.
That's not why I'm thanking you.

I was thanking you
for giving a shit.

You OK?

Cos...you don't look it...

..and it's starting to worry
a lot of people.

We're here to help you, so...

Tell him, son.

Go on, he's all right.

Tell him what you told me.

A few weeks ago.

She was only a few days old when she
died, like he never even saw her.

That's why he's acting out then -
stupid sod's grieving.

He wouldn't be the first to turn
to religion.

Yeah, but he could've fucking
said though. Well, why would he?

He's gone from care
to young offenders to prison,

it's not like anyone's helped
him before.

The Imam then...
Sex outside marriage is haram,

so he would've been trying
to make a good impression.

How come so many in here
have kids so young?

Well, if your family's shit,

you just try and make a better one
of your own as soon as.

When we started fostering,
we spent most of our time

stopping the poor buggers
from trying to breed.

But erm, funeral is tomorrow.

I know it's short notice

but I was thinking now we know why
he's been playing up...

..can we get him there?

I'll ask the question.

All right?

I used to think an app was something
you downloaded.

Cons are the only ones
with tech in here.

So how you settling in, Professor?

OK, I think. I mean,

the frustrations are
the same on every wing.

We want them to be responsible, so
we take away all responsibilities.

We want them to stop hanging
around losers,

so we put all the losers
under one roof, and all that.

You know that poem,
by Judge Challeen?

Doesn't rhyme.

Poems don't have to rhyme. Do they?

How is it a fucking poem then?
And who are the losers, us or them?

No, it's...

Doesn't matter.

I was helping a man write
a letter earlier

and I suggested he talk about
what he's learned here.

He told me he'd learned that
it's better

to commit burglary in the daytime
because although the chances of

getting caught increase,
the sentence is a lot lighter.

Who told you that?

Dan.
Who?

Dan.

Goldie.

Goldie told you he was in
for burglary?

Fucking wrongun's a serial stalker,

in for multiple threats
to kill his missus.

He's still trying to get at her.

Jax caught him on the phone last
week disguising his voice...

What's up?
Move. Move!

What's up, Professor?

Where's the key for the postbox?
Oh, where's the fire?

Where is it?
Mail's gone out. What's up?

Fuck.
What's up?

ALL LAUGH

Fantastic.

We...tried to get permission
for you to go to the funeral.

But, erm,
there's all sorts of staffing issues

and cos of the notice...

..the Governor...

..had to say no.

Sorry, man.

You tried to do that for me?

Can he at least go to, erm,

you know, whatshername,
Friday Prayers now?

You want me to ask Miss Henry?

All right.

So what's Goldie actually in for?
Burglary.

He broke in to someone's house,
cooked himself a meal,

then he, he fell asleep.

Prick got woken up by the police.

Goldilocks.

You weren't to know it was
a practical joke.

No, although something similar
has happened...

Have you got any idea of
the damage you could have done?

Men convicted of stalking
and domestic violence are some of

the most manipulative in
this place.

I was too eager to help,
you're right.

I know what a damaging crime
it can be.

Do you?

Have you been a victim of it?

Well, no...
Well, then how can you?

Any evidence of drugs from
the fabric checks?

Apart from the, erm...

Yeah, Flakey swears he uses shampoo
as soap, for his psoriasis.

So you're nearly done?

Very nearly.

Can you check on Connor Joyce? It's
gonna be a difficult day for him.

Yeah.

Sorry, Miss Henry, have
I done something to upset you?

We covered that.
No, I mean, something else.

I don't know, have you?

Right, you.

Haven't forgotten about
our date, have you?

Let's go.

I need to talk to you after
the shift.

It don't matter that you're a
bitch to me, I don't give a shit.

I got that.

But Toby does.

I mean, he really, really does,

and he deserves
a lot fucking better from you.

Is this what usually happens?

At the petrol station and the bakery

and your last job at the bookmakers?

You shout your mouth off
and flounce out?

So you have read my file.

I know people like you,
Miss Gill. People like me?

You never stick at anything,
you never commit to anything,

even when you're good at it...
You don't know me.

Didn't think you had it
in you, sunshine.

Like fucking ferrets.

LAUGHTER

This is the guy who makes our tea,
isn't it? Barry.

I would never have the discipline to
keep my cell this tidy.

Could be discipline.

Could also say "institutionalised".

Whatever her problem is,
it's hers, not yours.

Unless it's all of ours.

She doesn't like newcomers,
she's too close to the prisoners,

she disappears in the middle of
a shift without explanation,

then a day later...

..there's drugs on the wing.

All right.

Where's Joyce?

Eh?

Come on, he's gone
to Friday Prayers already?

What, without his Quran?

Boss.

I found these in Joyce's cell.
Look at the bookmarks.

HE WHISPERS

Where is he now?

Move, move. Move.

Where's Joyce?

I need everybody to leave now...

Mr Shah.
I'm fine.

Everybody out.

You heard - move. Move!

Joyce?

Stay away. Back off!

Stay calm, man.
I can still do this part.

Don't, man, please.

No choice. I should have died,
yeah, not her...

Who, your daughter?

Don't you say her name.
It's you. It's your fault.

Do you know how many more
Muslim kids are born compared

to white ones where I come from?

I don't know where you're from.
That's not the point.

OK. OK, well, how many then?

That's your plan, in't it, eh?

Keep having kids until
we're the minority.

Do I look like I've got a plan, bro?

Don't. Yeah?
What?

Do you know what,
he warned me about you? Who did?

If I do this part,
I can still die with some honour.

Franklin.

He persuaded you to do this?

Is that why you converted, so you
could get into Friday Prayers,
attack people and kill yourself?

I'd have done it as well if it
weren't for you getting in my head.
It's your fault.

No, it's not me,

it's you. It's not in you.

You don't know me.
Nor does Franklin. Yeah?

He just saw a chance to mess
with your head fast

because of what happened
to Sophie, yeah.

He tried to groom you
but it didn't work, did it?

That's why you left your Quran
behind, because you wanted to be
stopped.

I don't want to live. Yeah?
She's gone, that's it.

But not forever.
She'll wait for you.

The Prophet said that when
a child dies before their parents,

they'll be waiting in Paradise.

Oh, stop it, man. There's no point.

No, no.

Erm...

Yeah...

Whales!

Whales, they commit suicide,
you know.

Yeah, it's a true fact, man.

Do you know what jihad really means?

Don't you get it? I'm not Muslim.

Doesn't matter, man,
it's the same God, yeah?

Jihad means struggle.

God decreed that every soul
should spend time on Earth

so that He might test them.

Look at what you've been through
your whole life, man.

How many wouldn't have even survived
a week in your shoes, man?

That's why I admire you,
you know, all of you,

in a way.

Cos everything in here's so stripped
back, there's nothing to hide behind

and getting through the day
is an achievement.

And there's honesty in that.

Honour.

Do you see?

This is your jihad, brother.

OK?

This is...

..the point.

Give me that, man.

You don't want to do this.

All those people who say
we do fuck all

for the prisoners should see
how hard that is.

What it takes to just get through
a shift without anything happening.

Don't see that on the news,
though, do you?

"No fucker died or escaped
from prison again today."

So what'll happen to Franklin?

Seg.

Then he'll get shipped out
to another nick.

Can't win 'em all, boss.

There'll always be a next time.

Because our recruitment's
being done for us,

every day of the week.

Working class white people
with no voice,

no future and no hope...

..left behind and betrayed
by their own country.

Plenty more where he came from.

I mean, stopping escapes and
deaths is sort of our job.

Yeah. And it's the police's job
to catch criminals but, you know,

every fucker loves them,
don't they?

Yeah, and the firefighters.

Every bloody Christmas
it's the same.

"Here, spare a thought for
the firefighters," and the police

and the nurses and never us,
the bastards.

Who?
The royals.

Oh, don't let Gary hear you diss
the royal family.

You know, we saved people's lives
today, and nobody'll ever know.

We do. And they will.

That's what matters.
That's all that matters.

Come on, get ready.

You got 'em mixed up.

Class and race.

You got 'em mixed up,
you fucking prick.

On the hour,
for anyone who wants to join in,

we'll be observing
a minute's silence in honour

of baby Sophie Charlotte Joyce,
who died, aged three days.

Hey, man.

It's what she was wearing.

Your girlfriend brought it in.

Miss Henry says you're
allowed to keep it.

TIMER BEEPS

TIMER BEEPS

You'll be moved to Segregation
Unit, pending adjudication.

Ready?

Sir.

I'll make a copy.

Congratulations, you are now
C-Wing's Custodial Manager.

Sorry, that's... That's it?

Unless there's something
I've missed?

Why didn't you tell everyone
that it was you that rang
Joyce's girlfriend?

Cell bell's for emergency use only.

Is this a fucking emergency?

Where's my books, you dirty
fucking terrorist?

Thing is, Mr F,
it wasn't a wind-up.

I would like to learn.

I've been writing to my kids every
week for the last two years

and not had a single reply.

Maybe if I could write better.

Did you look in that parcel?

The parcel, did you open it?

No.

Right.

Next one will be ready soon.

What?

The deal was that I pay
for Dean's mistake.

Nah.

This is about you now.

No. I'm out.

Do you know how much time you'll get

for bringing that one
parcel in, Rose?

Exactly.

I say when you're out.

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