Scott the Woz (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 5 - Borderline Forever - full transcript

(suspenseful music)

(inspiring music)

(arcade music)

- Hey y'all, Scott here,

are you about three large
footsteps away from the grave?

Need to kill time before
you go kathunk in a casket?

Might I suggest learning
to talk about video games,

what else would I do at my funeral?

If it wasn't for talking about
video games, I'd be happy,

it takes a lot of no shame to do,

so tell me, are you gonna learn how



to talk about video games

or are you gonna have integrity?

Look at this, this is your life now.

The first step to
talking about video games

is not playing video games and
I cannot stress that enough,

why be a video game player

when you can make silly
comments about 'em?

It's the same sentiment I have
towards the working class,

so put the controller
down and repeat after me,

this game is (beep) bull (beep).

- The game, bull (beep).

- Video games are art and have
been one of the leading ways

for artists to express
themselves in recent memory,

discussing them is completely warranted,



but if you're worried

about losing the listener's
attention during,

make sure to spice things up

by making funny random noises (gurgles).

While discussing said video game,

don't be afraid to not
talk about video games

while talking about video games

for roughly five to 10 minutes

while you act out some kind of a skit,

make sure it isn't funny,

some people call this a waste of time,

I call it a fill-buster.

You got to have your arch-nemesis game

one you just can't escape from,

sure, you could just not play it,

but then what would I have to do tomorrow?

Hey, it's been a while since

that random noise (gargles), still there?

Stand in front of your game collection

to announce your resignation from society.

It's a good thing to yell a lot,

people won't take you seriously
if you aren't screaming,

I call this the Thanksgiving
dinner approach.

Now it's really important to act

like you're better than the
game you're talking about,

this can be achieved with
a few, who made this?

And, what is this game?

But if you don't know what to say,

you can always just start acting awkward

and give yourself a double chin.

So on to the next one,

which is the one after the that one,

the next one is the
(stammers), it's the one.

Swearing, yes!

Swearing is the genetic staple
of the video game player,

you truly play video games if
you can say (beep) about them,

and if you aren't willing
to say (beep) uncensored,

get the (beep) out of here.

- Duly noted.

- You have to have an
opinion on every game,

the right opinion,

you have to play every game too,

and like every game
except for the bad ones,

if you you mess up one of these,

play it off as a joke,

maybe make a funny quip about it

and shake some yellow text

around you to prove you're serious

about being funny, funny moment!

And you can't just talk about video games,

you got to be funny,
especially if you're not funny,

that way you can deflect criticisms

by stating you shouldn't
be taken seriously,

if you need to be seen
playing video games,

hold the controller as close

to your chin as possible and frown.

(controller clicking)

Can you tell the controller's
not even plugged in?

Are you better than the person listening,

no, but you have more
Wii U games than them,

so always remind them of that.

React accordingly to anything happening

on screen, i.e. scream (screams),

and when you start
talking games with people,

make sure to not see them there.

Oh, hi, I didn't see you there.

You have to do your research

and get everything right
about "Mega Man 4",

if you don't, well boy,

you look like an idiot.

If someone pays you to
talk about a video game,

don't act like you already have integrity.

Maybe you could gather various

like minded people
together and pose a threat,

like, watch yourself or
I'll start a podcast,

feel free to really
express some emotions here,

you're talking about video
games for God's sake,

I'd cry too if I were
talking about "Mario Party".

If you're having a hard time
crafting your own things

to say about these games,

never count out plagiarism,

it's a myth anyways, the
alphabet's not copyrighted (beep),

of course, everybody has their own opinion

and that's the way it should be,

there's never going to be a right

or wrong one to have on a video game,

and when someone disagrees with you,

you can always call them
a (beep) over email.

And that just about covers what you need

to know to talk about video games,

you truly have what it
takes to waste your time,

of course you need to
know when to stop talking

so might I suggest a poignant
stinger to end things

before you get all blue?

So grab a dictionary
and find a random string

of words that you think
would work well together,

I own more Wii U games than you,

wow, it's like fate.

I shouldn't have taped over that.

(inspiring music)

- Morning.

- Correct.

Welcome to the fun side of my brain,

filled with an urge to collect video games

and an obscene amount
of Nintendo knowledge,

I call it my wild side,
doctors call it a tumor,

I just like consistency,

knowing these things will always be here,

organized alphabetically.

This is my thing, thank you,

it used to be abstinence,
but this works more.

Everybody should get
into this kind of stuff,

we'd all have the same hobby,

that way it'll be even more confusing

why nobody would talk to me.

Many consider this a waste of time,

to that I say, well, so is living.

Things could be worse, sure,

stupid Nintendo games may
be my only true hobby,

but at least I'm not politically aware.

I mean, there's no true end in sight here,

I did the math and there are a
lot of stupid Nintendo games,

there's no excuse now,

everybody should have no life.

♪ Over 15,000 games to try ♪

♪ To discuss and later shelf ♪

♪ The consistency alphabetically ♪

♪ And Player's Choice can go to hell ♪

♪ The size and shape of disks and cards ♪

♪ For an hour or so I'll talk ♪

♪ I swipe right on them ♪

♪ Till both my thumbs are stems ♪

♪ 'Cause every day's
Fat Tuesday in my eyes ♪

♪ The world doesn't get my passion ♪

♪ They all think "Wii
Play Motion's" a sin ♪

♪ But it's their loss ♪

♪ For they've got no spare time to waste ♪

♪ This is something I know
we should all embrace ♪

♪ I'm on a quest to
address all the requests ♪

♪ Please understand this kind ♪

♪ Of stuff is virgin-etic cache ♪

♪ You have been blessed
with time to rest ♪

♪ I've got a lot to undress ♪

♪ You don't need sex,
this is better anyways ♪

♪ It's stupid Nintendo games ♪

It may be hard to find a place
to start so might I suggest?

Not that.

♪ Might I suggest a "Geist"
to start things out ♪

♪ Then moving on to Pac N' Roll ♪

♪ "Lost in Blue" and Tetris 2 ♪

♪ Or whatever's left at Kohl's ♪

♪ "Nigel Mansell's" plus Clubhouse Games ♪

♪ Name a better pair the taste ♪

♪ If you said "Madden 09" and skin ♪

♪ Get the (beep) out of my face ♪

♪ Please tell me that you understand ♪

- As a vegan, this fits my diet plan.

- They make for great Target practice.

- As long as I'm not having sex.

- You didn't tell me one
of these was (beep) "Gex"!

♪ I shouldn't dwell, I shouldn't dwell ♪

♪ I've got no sex to sell ♪

♪ Take 'em all and distribute 'em ♪

♪ And you're spreading Wii Play ♪

♪ It's a swell these extra
copies extra ban you from hell ♪

♪ I've got a "FlingSmash"
to play every single day ♪

♪ Stupid Nintendo games ♪

♪ I must confess, I must confess ♪

♪ I might be slightly obsessed ♪

♪ How could I not be ♪

♪ Have you've seen these ♪

♪ I've got no shame to blame ♪

♪ If you're down and feeling blue ♪

♪ And life craps in around you ♪

♪ There's a solution for all ♪

♪ That pollution diluting your brain ♪

(console beeping)

♪ Stupid Nintendo games ♪

Who wants to compare pens?

This is my one true love,
never finding a mate,

look at all these things,

the NES games, oh man,

"Super Mario Brothers 2" is
such a funny wet fart of a game,

why did it have to say
Mario madness on the cover?

It almost looks like it's supposed

to be the subtitle of the game,

like "Super Mario Brothers 2",

tell me something I don't know,

Mario madness, take it.

"River City Ransom" I bought
on the Wii Shop channel

because I heard somebody say
it was an 80's equivalent

to "Grand Theft Auto",

and man, I wanted a game like that so bad.

(arcade music)

Oh man, it's just like "Grand Theft Auto",

the characters have skin.

I like this game

because it taught me
proper money management,

and we all know that stuck.

I bought "Donkey Kong Jr. Math",

how do we know that?

They're gonna break my legs,

it was an investment, a fun investment,

yeah, fun as that 10 grand
surgery you just had,

let me spend 200 in peace,

you've got to hand it to Nintendo,

all the "Donkey Kong Jr."
fans are off the street now,

why do coke when you can do math?

You know, and the NES is well-known

for all the horrible licensed games,

but I've got to admit, "Back
to the Future" could be worse,

don't get me wrong, it's bad

and barely follows the movie,

but I don't think it's as terrible

as something like "Ghostbusters"
or "Where's Waldo?",

look, my copy has a flick wound,

I mean, that says it all right there,

the last owner must have hated it,

man, (beep) this game!

(case clacking)

Oh, damn it.

Where is Waldo?

"Kung Fu heroes", it's been too long,

I used to play this at my
grandma's house all the time,

like once, I played it once.

"Pinball" is a (beep) lie

and I'm tired of acting like it isn't,

this isn't pinball,

but when you actually play the game,

this is pinball, you snakes!

The reproduction Nintendo
"World Championships"

and "Campus Challenge" cartridges,

always a joy to have these
as a part of my estate,

do I care these reproductions
are not the real deal?

Well, no, I bought these two,

officially played them
on an actual system,

plus if I owned the originals,

I think I would quit my
job just to care for them,

how do I tell them I quit?

The NES is such a
wonderful pantry of simple,

fun and dog (beep) games,

I love this system, though,

why does the controller
have to be this way?

Why can't the buttons be slightly angled,

you know, how your thumb is?

And when they redesigned the controller,

they made the button placement worse,

I woke up and my thumbs
were like this one day.

(bones crunching)

I was so (beep) happy I
could use this controller.

Even though these official
Nintendo created NES controllers

have a button layout that can
definitely wear on the thumb,

I still love the system,

but hey, what about the Super Nintendo?

Everybody needs to have a
few Super Nintendo games,

you're running out of excuses not to,

you know, we've already
had two world wars,

might as well have "Plok"
while you're at it,

I've got one "Tetris Attack" for you,

this one's "Tetris Attack",

easily one of my top favorite
Super Nintendo games,

and it isn't even real,

they took this Japanese
puzzle game with, dear god,

anything but reptiles,

and when bringing it over here,

they give it a re-skin with all kinds

of "Yoshi's Island" characters

and while we're at it,

"Yoshi's island", what a thing!

The Super Nintendo has one
of the greatest lineups

of 2D platformers, but that one stopped me

from considering family feud to be one

of my favorite games on the system,

what makes the soap moist?

(buzzer buzzing)

Name something kids.

Tonsils.
(buzzer buzzing)

Name something parents save

from a first baby to use for a second.

Food.
(buzzer buzzing)

Name something that's often located

in the basement of the house.

The basement.
(buzzer buzzing)

Name something people
start, but never finish.

Me.
(buzzer buzzing)

War.
(buzzer buzzing)

Books of faith.
(bell ringing)

"Doom's" ass red cartridge, you know,

the color of ass, right?

Oh my God, this version's so bad,

it's impressive they got it

on the Super Nintendo in general,

but it's just not powerful
enough for a game like this,

"Wolfenstein 3-D" works better,

but it's heavily censored
which is kind of bizarre,

like, would you really be

that surprised playing a game
called "Wolfenstein 3-D"?

Hitler?

At least "Doom" has the colored cartridge,

like "Killer Instinct",

this is a fun way to annoy me.

"Super Punch-Out's" weird,

like, the NES game is the most famous,

it's one of my favorites on that console,

but who the hell talks about
the Super Nintendo one?

Nothing wrong with it,

it's just the controls and
sound effects don't feel

as good as the original on NES,

to anybody who disagrees,
I'll see you in court.

(jovial music)

Crucifixion's a bit harsh.

"Donkey Kong Country 3",
the one I just can't own,

I've never legally owned this game,

if you don't believe me,
look through my tax records,

I seeing no donkey,

I did get the original "Donkey
Kong Country", great game,

I did it with the rewind feature

on the SNES online app on Nintendo Switch,

do I deserve to have hands?

Nah, I only felt the need to use it

when this part came up

where differently colored ropes

do differently colored things,

I looked at my excuses for the day

and considered this to be
a rewind warranting event.

the Super Nintendo is such
a cozy corner of gaming,

games were still simple
at their core back then,

but they had so much more depth now,

a game like "Super Mario World"

is pretty much in line with
the Mario games on NES,

but this one just goes
so much deeper than that,

it has a map screen that
eventually tells you

to go (beep) yourself,

"A Link to the Past" is a full realization

of what the original "Legend
of Zelda" on NES was doing,

"Super Metroid" is the same,

"Super Castlevania 4", "Mega
Man X", "Kirby Super Star",

this is where many of
gaming's greatest franchises

of all time, to tons of fans, peaked,

it doesn't get much better than this,

but you ever wonder what the
hell is up with these boxes?

What is this design, it makes no sense?

You know what'll get people

to want Super Nintendo games?

Geometry, and the fact these
boxes are cardboard, please,

I mean, it was excusable on the NES,

here it's damn near inexcusable.

The Nintendo 64's a solid rebound,

if by solid you mean painful,

good thing I only see
in five frames a second,

nah, it's a great system,

it just isn't as slam
dunk-ish as the other ones,

like, it obviously has it's downsides,

it doesn't age that well for one,

this generation of gaming
as a whole doesn't, really,

like, you consistently
still see new games come out

mimicking eight and 16 bit style graphics,

nobody'll be caught dead
trying to resurrect this,

at least we got "Mario
Party" one out of it all,

the greatest party game ever told,

in reality, it may be a repetitive,

unpolished go at the franchise,

and only started to get bad

after it got good nine entries in,

but in my heart, it is the
quickest lobotomy I've ever had.

"Super Smash Brothers",
look at that real cartridge,

this ain't no holographic trick,

if it was, could I do this?

See, it's real.

The start to one

of the most fun gaming
franchises to discuss,

whether you're into the competitive scene

or just like talking how different
noses look between games,

"Smash Brothers" just kind
of brings everybody together

and the original on Nintendo 64,

while incredibly simple,

still holds up to some extent.

"Mario Kart 64", many consider it

to be the greatest kart racer of all time,

I consider it to be that
game where Yoshi looks weird,

20 bones to whoever can
tell me what this is.

"The New Tetris", well yeah,

because this (beep) was old.

"Glover", can you believe I have a room

for a game I'd never played?

What do you mean, yes?

"Yoshi's Story" is this bizarre take

on a "Yoshi's Island" successor,

it's still pretty good,
but it's so similar

yet so different from
any other Yoshi game,

you got to eat fruit,

you don't just get to
the end of the level,

just do what my dietician
said and eat 30 fruits,

so we got to just find 30 pieces of fruit,

and then we move on to the next level,

it's kind of an interesting direction,

and hopefully the next
Yoshi game does something

just as unique.
(buzzer buzzing)

The same thing...
(buzzer buzzing)

Are good...
(buzzer buzzing)

My go-to game on this console

will forever be "Super Mario 64",

"Oh wow, Scott, next you're gonna tell us

"your lung's favorite food is air."

I can't help it, my body
knows what it likes.

The Nintendo 64 is a console
I've learned to love,

though, it's far from my favorite,

that's definitely because
of these damn cartridges,

Nintendo come on, no end labels?

I need to know if this is "Glover" or not,

oh, thank God, oh, thank God,
oh, thank God, oh, thank God.

There's something about
that original Game Boy

that's just so endearing,

but guys, the first handheld game console

because who wants to admit
the Microvision exists?

I mean, this thing is perfection

with a "Tetris" cartridge in it,

but I have "The New
Tetris" now, (beep) you.

"Alleyway" is a fun one,

it launched with the system

and is a direct clone of "Brick Out",

but I think to this day,

Nintendo avoids the question,

they refuse to admit it,

it's one of those older Nintendo titles

where they threw Mario in it
for no reason, see that stick?

That's Mario, well now we got to play it.

These early Game Boy games are so cute,

they're so simple, but
they know what they are

and they don't try to bite
off more than they can chew,

that is a definite problem

with a few titles for the handheld,

they would just try to
take some NES or SNES game

and shrink it down and expect it to work.

"Donkey Kong Land", it's
"Donkey Kong Country" on the go.

(arcade music)

You know, and I just discovered
I could take a (beep)

on the go,

all I have to do is (beep) in my pants.

Even some of the best games on here

like "Links Awakening"
and "Super Mario Land 2",

I mean, they are struggling

with the limitations of
the Game Boy at times,

and yet these are still such
treasured products to me,

sometimes it's nice to go back

to a time where this was
all that was available

in terms of handheld on the go gaming,

you couldn't play "The Witcher 3"

at only 540p portably, you had to settle,

and with all these limitations,

developers still delivered
well-designed and fun games,

and "Tetris" is what it is
because of the Game Boy.

"Pokemon" came out at was supposed

to be the end of the Game Boy's life,

and yeah, that's something
you don't wanna do

on your death bed,

release "Pokemon", interesting concept,

you collect and battle
creatures, let's try it out.

(arcade music)

There, I tried "Pokemon", you happy?

But, I mean, Nintendo knew the Game Boy

was starting to show its age,

that's why we got the Game Boy Color,

the full successor to
the original Game Boy,

full successor I swear to Christ,

we grow closer to my death
every time I say that,

how could it not be?

So many sources group Game Boy
and Game Boy Color together,

bull (beep) gaming journalists
who don't know anything,

people like Nintendo, listen, I get it,

but the Game Boy Color had
too many exclusive games

for me to not consider it
a full fledged successor,

I'll admit it's just a technical upgrade

to the original Game Boy,

when I finish "The Minish Cap",

I adore the old school
Game Boy experience,

but it is far from perfect, guess why?

Now, the Game Boy Advance,

that's where things start to pick up,

I bet this game looks pretty fun.

The GBA was like a
portable Super Nintendo,

but that's kind of all it is to me,

I feel like so much of this
handheld's identity revolved

around games for other consoles.

Oh my God, "Super Mario World" is here,

and "A Link to the Past" and "Kirby"

and "Metroid" and "Donkey Kong",

I mean, it was a dream
come true to be able

to play these classic games
on the go in all their glory,

but what does the Game Boy Advance have

to call it's own, "It's Mr. Pants"?

To be fair, there's quite a
few games on this little guy,

including "Mario Vs. Donkey Kong",

a followup to "Donkey Kong"
on the original Game Boy,

this game was the best,

it's like you'd expect it
to just be "Donkey Kong"

from the arcades on the go,

in reality, it scares
the (beep) out of me,

well, that's the end of "Donkey Kong".

(arcade music)

(screams)!

It keeps going after the
original arcade game ends

and is this meaty puzzle
platformer, it's amazing,

plus it as this exclusive border

on Super Game Boy for the Super Nintendo,

and now I can play my Game
Boy Games on the big screen,

in a house, while I'm right
next to a ceiling, God works.

The Super Game Boy is pretty rad,

it has all these settings you can tweak,

you can change the border,

make your own border for all I care,

but it can't play Game Boy Color
and Game Boy Advance games,

for that you'll need the Super Game Boy 2,

only released in Japan,

look, it's clear like a
Game Boy Color cartridge,

it's color like the Game Boy Color,

it shows the Game Boy Color on the box,

it released around the
Game Boy Color's release,

the Super Game Boy 2
must play Game Boy Color,

it doesn't, does it?

(game buzzing)

It looks like we have
to move up a generation

or two to the GameCube
with the Game Boy Player.

All right, so this is
a bit more of a mess,

instead of a regular cartridge,

we got to screw this on the bottom,

plus pop the start-up disk in,

the last thing the Game Boy Player arc

of my life needed was a start-up disk,

well, when we get in there.

I mean it's playing the Game Boy games,

and Color and Advance as well,

however this thing wreaks
of anti-personality,

compared to the Super Game Boy,

I was worried that thing
was gonna (beep) my wife,

look at how cool it is,

here, this is just the
most convenient means

of playing the entire Game Boy line,

I'm too bored to yawn,

but it's still a lifesaver of a device

and all more reason why the
GameCube reigns supreme,

my favorite console,

many would assume it's the Wii or Wii U,

they didn't have "Odama",

Nintendo was firing at all
cylinders on this console,

pretty much every one of their franchises

got major installments here,

"Mario", "Zelda", "Metroid",

"Donkey Kong", "Smash Brothers",

"F-Zero", "Star Fox", "Animal Crossing",

"Fire Emblem", "Wario", "Wave
Race", "1080", "Pikmin",

"Paper Mario", "Mario Kart", "Party",

"Golf", "Tennis", "Baseball", "Strikers",

"Odama", "Odama", "Odama"?

"Geist" is funny.

Nintendo published a first
person shooter about ghosts,

I was hoping they'd follow
it up with an RPG about bees.

"Luigi's Mansion" is such
an interesting game, like,

you explore this haunted mansion

and finish the game three hours later,

I'd say the following games in the series

took the general gameplay
of Luigi with vacuum

and ran with it more,

but they will never live up to the amount

of ambiance this original game had,

you can just feel how
haunted this place is,

it's such a fun experience.

"Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix",

because I only do what
Mario tells me to, why not?

It sure is "Dance Dance Revolution"

and this is the only DDR game

on the GameCube and that's weird,

out of all platforms to put that game on

during this generation,
just the PS2 and Xbox,

not the system with customers willing

to buy stupid plastic bull (beep) for it,

the GameCube microphone,
used for "Mario Party 6",

"Odama" and eviction notices,

the DK bongos, different game, same story,

see the GameCube still did a lot

of that weird Nintendo bull (beep),

but it also had a normal
controller and amazing games,

you got the best of both worlds,

of course, looking at
it critically though,

the third party support was definitely one

of its weaker elements,

it was definitely better

than something like the Nintendo 64,

but most third party
games were for the kids,

sure we got our "Resident Evils"
and "Sonic The Hedgehogs",

"Metal Gear Solid: Twin
Snakes", "Super Monkey Ball",

"Beyond Good and Evil",
"Tales of Symphonia",

but the other consoles
had "Grand Theft Auto 3",

also, I love this controller,

but why is the D-pad so small?

Why is the C-stick so tiny?

Why only one Z button?

Why have the region locking?

I can't easily play Japanese
games on my console,

I know that's a thing on multiple systems,

but I just wanna play "Nintendo
Puzzle Collection" in peace,

you have to use an Action Replay disk

to even kind of play
it and bam, beautiful,

this was one of my only cheat devices,

I can use it to not play "Mario Sunshine",

I also have "DreamMix TV World Fighters",

a "Smash Brothers" clone
featuring Bomberman

and Simon Belmont and Optimus Prime,

it's just missing Master Higgins (gasps),

I also have

"The Legend of the Quiz
Tournament of Champions",

a trivia game published by Nintendo,

you can play as Jeff Foxworthy,

you got to appreciate and despise
these Japanese game boxes,

they're cute and cool,

but the outer sleeve is so
easily losable and damageable,

but that's about all I can say,

I can only really go on
for about 45 more minutes,

there are only a few things

in this world I can talk
about for over 23 minutes.

That leaves the Wii,

it had the purest white
game boxes known to man,

a smoker's mortal enemy,

God, I mean the GameCube
may be my favorite system,

but the Wii is just so interesting,

it had exactly what people wanted

and none of what they wanted,

like come on, games for
your stupid (beep) uncle

like "Wii Fit" and "Calvin Tucker",

but then for the core audiences

you got "Zelda", "Metroid", "Donkey Kong",

"Mario", "Sin and Punishment",

a sequel to a Japan only
cult-classic shooter

on the Nintendo 64, who
would've expected that?

"GoldenEye 007" on Wii
is one of my favorites,

a reimagining of the Nintendo 64 classic,

a lot of die-hards don't like this one

because it's basically
just "Call of Duty",

but some bundles came

with the golden Classic Controller Pro,

the original didn't do that!

"Super Mario Galaxy" is my
favorite game of all time,

thank you very much,

the pinnacle of space Mario,

it's just such a magical
feeling playing this game,

even over a decade later,

and I'm sure by the time it's 20

and I'm battling some
kind of fun new disease,

it'll still be,

but the Wii is when anybody

over the age of 40
started throwing a tantrum

over using motion controls,

I don't know, this ball segment

of "Mario Galaxy" always gets brought up

and I never thought it was that bad,

but come back to me in 17
years, I'll be bald and hate it.

Even the casual experiences on Wii I love,

"Wii Sports", "Play", "Fit", trauma,

"Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree"

is an awesome multiplayer game,

"Smarty Pants" is still one

of my favorite generic trivia games,

"Family Feud Decades",

name one of baseball's
great all-time sluggers.

Only baseball team I know,
Harlem Globe Trotters.

- [Announcer] Is your answer there?

(buzzer buzzing)

- Name a song made
famous by Elvis Presley.

Eek, it's Elvis.
(buzzer buzzing)

Name and game that all the kids

in the neighborhood can play together.

Polyamory?
(buzzer buzzing)

As much as I love the system,

again, it's not perfect,

whenever a game asked me
to shake the nunchuck,

man, like, this thing was not
meant as a shaking device,

it has the weight of an empty pencil cup,

the amount of shovelware
I actually kind of like,

sure these things may be
filling a landfill somewhere,

but I'm sure I can find
some use for them someday,

let's not forget the Wii had such classics

as Vince Young starring in "Madden 08",

every story has a Christ figure,

and then followed up by the
most disappointing sequel

to Christ I've ever seen,

Brett Favre starring in "Madden
09", go (beep) yourself,

and Jesus Christ, games on
this console can be hideous,

this was the dropping off point

for developers who kind of cared,

they either did or they didn't on the Wii,

there's no in-between,

the same can sort of be
said about the Nintendo DS,

like, you were either playing one

of the greatest games of all
time or "Chrono Trigger".

The DS man, so many stupid
(beep) things came out here,

but it has one of the
best libraries as well,

now on the Nintendo first party side

of things it was a little weak,

but "100 Classic Books", come on,

I wanna read, not count.

DS games look so chunky now,

whether they're 3D or 2D,

they just all look so DS,

let's not forget the touch screen,

everybody lost their
stylus, but I never did,

it doesn't even matter,

you can use anything on this
screen, fingers, car keys,

using the stylus for PictoChat
or for "Mario 64 DS",

if I was trying to find new
ways to embarrass myself.

The "Nintendo DS Browser",

I bought this before knowing
what a Wi-Fi connection was,

I will never get those $30 back,

the DS is great, but I do feel
like it has aged a bit more

than other handhelds,

it's in this weird purgatory

of just powerful enough to
do 3D graphics, but barely,

but then even the 2D stuff
doesn't look the hottest.

Well, most of the problems with the DS

were rectified with the Nintendo 3DS,

however it had an opposite problem,

DS had great third party
support, iffy first party,

3DS had amazing first party support,

but then barely any of
the third parties cared,

Ubisoft, Activision, EA,

they tried for, like, one year,

and then just gave up,

but it didn't matter

because we got (groans),

Christ, "Metroid Prime: Federation Force",

"Mario Party: The Top
100", "Tri Force Heroes",

"Mario Sports Superstars",
"Pokemon Rumble Blast",

"Yoshi's New Island",

"Paper Mario Sticker Star", "Hey! Pikmin"?

There's the Nintendo Switch guys,

oh my God, isn't "Super Bomberman
R" so quirky and unique?

Nintendo, who's running your E-shop now?

Oh great, a controller for rats,

"Bravely Default 2" is that a sentence?

"Daemon X Machina",
this is still medically,

the only game with a 60
or above on Metacritic

to have given me pink eye,

"Paper Mario: The
Origami King", (beep) it!

Oh, but we skipped over
an important console here,

the Sega Master System,
it's so charmingly pathetic.

What the (beep) is this?

Who asked for this?

Why do I have to look
between the TV and game pad

to change system settings?

Nintendo TV (laughs) (beep) you!

Yeah, why not publish
"Devil's Third", Nintendo?

The Wii U microphone exists,

there's a goddamn mic on the game pad,

why are these two cases black?

Why is this one cream color?

Why does this one not of the blue ridge?

Why remake "Wii Sports"?

Why swap between controllers so much?

Why in "Super Mario 3D
World's" multiplayer

does this big blue border appear?

God, everything Nintendo's
done I have something

to bitch about!

why is this wet?

Why does this repel virginity?

And again, in "Mario 3D World",

why in multi-player does
this big blue border appear?

I get that it's supposed to tell you

that the players are too far apart,

but it comes out of nowhere,

it's sometimes doesn't leave,

and it's just always there mocking me,

just like every shape I've ever met,

where does this blue border get off?

(eerie music)

Wait, it feels like...

What is, what is this?

Go away, I hate shapes!

(dramatic music)

Is this how it's always been?

It's me.

- [Jerry] I know a lot of mes.

(thunder booming)

- Thanks for having me
on such short notice.

- We offer express checkouts for a reason.

- I just really needed to
talk to somebody with a PhD.

- I don't have a PhD, they forgot the U.

- You have phud?

- I have phud.

- Listen man, I feel like
I'm going crazy here.

- Yeah, I remember my first time.

- I can't sleep, I haven't eaten in days.

- Oh God, here have this.

- Blueberry?

- Maybe this is linked to something,

firstly, sign this confirming
your consent to my research.

- Hm, yeah sure, they're just words.

- Consent is the highest form of flattery.

- I thought it was constipation.

- Okay, so are you financially unstable?

- No, I've never paid taxes,

you save a lot of money doing that.

- Are you depressed?

- It is affecting my happiness.

- I can prescribe you liquor.

- Do you even know what I'm talking about?

- As your therapist,

I'll give you the same answer
I give all my patients, no.

- Okay well, everything I see,

there's this blue border around it all.

- That's the most absurd
thing I've ever heard,

and I've had patients of murder.

- Seeing a border is more
absurd than murderers.

- They make great arguments.

- I just don't know what it is,

I recently noticed it and looking back,

I feel like it's been obscuring my vision

for as long as I can remember,

what if there's something
down there I can't see

that it's blocking?

- Oh, it's just carpet

and it is looking pretty good today,

I wish you could see it.

- See, you got to help me,

my sanity's at stake here.

- Uh-oh, somebody's got
a case of the Monday's.

- Fine, you're right,

it's probably not a big deal,

this month has probably
just been really hard on me.

- Don't whine, we've
all been through April.

- Maybe because I talk about
stupid Nintendo games so much,

that's all I do, maybe I'm overdosing.

- Might I suggest a new hobby?

I recommend a book to discover new things

to get into, "Stupid
Bull (beep) For Dummies".

- I don't know what else I'm good at,

what about you, do you have any talents?

- I have a foot fetish.

- Really?

- Not yet, I'm trying to
branch out of therapism,

it'd be more interesting for my epitaph.

- So would you be willing
to do an experiment?

- As somebody with a foot
fetish would say, yeah.

(dramatic music)
(thunder clapping)

Nice bed, are those pillows real?

- Yeah.

So call me crazy here,

but I think I'm (beep) in the head.

- Maybe my other patients can help you,

my murder clients can turn
you on to some new hobbies.

- No, I want you to knock me out.

- Oh, come on, I'm a
therapist not a doctor.

- Please just analyze my
brain when I'm out of it,

we got to figure out what's going on here.

- With what, that cat scanner
in the corner over there?

- Yes.

- Oh no, I'm not doing it,

you never walked over
there to get me a box.

- Hey, here's a flashlight
to look into my ear, go wild.

- Ah, well you're in good hands,

I'm quite knowledgeable on head.

- What did you get on your SAT?

- Oh, a lot.

- Oh, well that's good, I feel safe and...

(pan clanging)

Ah, holy (beep) I do have a head.

- Holy (beep), he does have a head.

- So this is what a brain looks like,

it looks fine, hey Jerry!

- One sec, I'm making sure
I don't get confused here.

- Oh man, all my memories,

that's when I saw a white guy,

that's when I was a white
guy, my favorite water,

when I was horny, when I met anime,

when all my friends died, take me back,

they all have a blue border around them.

- You found the blue border?

Kick it's ass!

- I can't do that,

I can never compete with a shape,

they always win, remember
that gun that shot me?

Shape.

- I know how you feel,

my dad's killer was a shape.

- I just don't get it, like,

Why is it here, why has this border

always been a part of my life?

Why can't I escape it?

Why doesn't anybody else see it?

- Maybe you need to relax,

how about a nice pillow to the face?

(alarm buzzing)

- That's killing me.

- Oh, I'm sorry, maybe a gun

to your head will take
your mind off things.

- I appreciate the help,

but I think I'm just gonna wake up,

go to the desk and whine
about, ah, "The Rink".

(brain gurgling)
(eerie music)

What was that?

- Words.

- No, I think the border just got bigger.

- That's impossible,

you're not even trying
to not be brain dead

and your pulse stopped 30 seconds ago.

- Well, resuscitate me!

- I didn't hear a please.

- Oh my God, I wanna get out of here,

I just wanna talk about
stupid Nintendo games.

(dramatic music)

Old E3s?

"Geist"?

(paper ruffling)

(gasps).

- Maybe a cold washcloth
will revitalize you,

oh, it's not wet enough.

♪ It starts off the same for every week ♪

♪ And ends with a game on PS3 ♪

♪ Pick something right out of the drawer ♪

♪ Then hold it up against the floor ♪

♪ Spew some junk about no sex ♪

♪ Then a vegan comes just to say Gex ♪

♪ At the desk, look like a hoarder ♪

♪ Surrounded by some big blue border ♪

♪ I just want to break the mold ♪

♪ To not follow a path ♪

♪ But every week my life involves
mentioning Barrel Blast ♪

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ My screen is all burned in ♪

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ I always have that stupid grin ♪

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ And just like my virginity ♪

♪ I'm worried this 1080p
outline's here for infinity ♪

♪ I'm on the bordеr ♪

♪ Does my whole life
need a giant watеrmark ♪

♪ Of starting over ♪

♪ I truly really never
noticed something so stark ♪

♪ Why is it this way ♪

♪ These are some deep questions ♪

♪ This is getting too
philosophical for me ♪

♪ Blue from feeling like I'm suffocating ♪

♪ To lay it on the line,
it's closing in on me ♪

Hey y'all, Scott here.

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ It's always been this way ♪

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ Not sure if that's okay ♪

♪ It's closing in ♪

♪ Constantly from day to day ♪

♪ To lay it on the line,
it's closing in on me ♪

(gasps).

- I got to remember this for next time.

- When I heard you were in the hospital,

I dropped everything
and came straight here.

- Sh, there's a library across the street.

- Hey, hey, how's our pre-corpse doing?

- Oh man, I've been trying to
get in this place for years.

- I called 911, I asked
them how you were doing.

- Oh, I have some questions for them,

what's their Snapchat?

- They blocked me.

- No, after a mental breakdown like that,

you need to do something
productive like join the army.

- Is that why you're in the hospital?

- No, I stubbed my toe afterwards,

plus I had a coupon that was expiring.

- He said some square existed,
a blue square at that.

(group laughing)

- A blue square,

are you serious right now?
- A blue square.

- Blue square.

- Guys, I swear, there's a big blue border

around everything is see and do,

and I think it gets bigger the more I give

into my primal urges,
watch (yells), you see?

- Man, you know I've never met somebody

who's (beep) stupid before.

- Okay, can I please talk
to each of you separately?

- [Together] Yeah.

- No.

- Terry, how's cheese
pissing you off today?

- Pretty good, I'm seething.

- Does it ever become too much,

I mean, vegan all day?

- I always got me vegan in crime, Jeb,

he's my not eggs to,

dear God, anything but bacon.

- But I mean, that's just another license

to renew every month,

don't you ever just wanna mix things up

and gut a (beep) duck?

- No, I'm pretty content being miserable.

- Do you do anything other than be vegan?

- Well, I don't eat fruit for fun.

- But you're vegan.

- Yeah, my other passion is malnutrition.

- Target employee, how's
it not working at Big Lots?

- Red.

- Do you ever get tired of working there

and having a dead brother?

- If it wasn't for my dead brother,

I would have never
replaced him in your group,

having a dead brother's great,

you should try it sometime.

- Jeb, vegan.

- Uh, I don't know about that, I want out.

- What are you talking
about, you want out?

You're a vegan, not married.

- I don't know, I tried a corn dog

and realized part of it wasn't vegan,

the batter had milk.

- What are you gonna do without veganism,

and what about Terry, what's he gonna say?

- I don't know, I don't
want to hurt his feelings,

he's top vegan in the county, you know?

He gave up drinking water
'cause cows to get too,

I can't do this, I have dreams, you know?

- Like what?

- I like "Gex".

- You mean this?

- No, no, no, the lizard.

- Rex, you hate sex.

- More than most hate not sex.

- Guys, don't you see,

you may not have a blue border around you,

but you have the equivalent

in the form of crippling
restrictive tropes.

- I prefer the term silly running gags.

- And why do you even care,

the borders not harming anyone?

- It just matters to me,

it's been a part of my
life this whole time,

and I just wanna feel normal!

Is this still part of my therapy session?

- The meter's still running.

- You know what?

I'm out of here, I've
got no milk to drink.

- Save some no milk for me.

- Yeah, Target does need an employee.

- And every chastity needs a moderator.

(group screaming)

- Does anybody else see?

- Squares can be blue!

- Where are the sides?

Centimeters being obstructed, centimeters!

- I'm boned.

- I'm not.

- We've got to alert the officials!

- So welcome to being (beep).

- So that's what it feels like.

- I hope you guys're
accomplishing your homework

of dismantling your personalities.

- I've gone cold turkey no meat,

just need a few patches
to get through the day.

- Yeah, I bought a gun for murder.

- Jeb, we keep this up,

the blue border'll vanish

and we can go back to
our specialized diet.

- Terry, what do you think about lizards?

- Yeah, they're great for
looking, not for eating.

- No, no, no, like as a hobby?

- What do you need hobbies for?

You're a vegan, not a man.

- I'm on a job hunt, I heard Wendy's

was lacking Target
employees working there.

- I decided to stop being your therapist

and started being a therapist.

- I eat zinc now.

- Did you not before?

- Well, taking vitamin supplements seemed

like a great way to get
my mind off not having sex

and zinc just suits me.

- You know you can only
take 40 milligrams a day?

- How much is that in pounds?

- Okay, well I spent all
last night with my games.

(beep) you, (beep) you, (beep) you,

(beep) you, (beep) you, (beep) you.

This personality change should be enough

to mitigate the blue
border for us for now.

- For now?

- But I had something to do down there

and I can see with the border in the way.

- Guys, this isn't just a
problem that'll affect us,

I read "Squares: A Cautionary Tale".

- You read the whole thing.

- I'm up to bread, but it says

that blue borders ain't
something that can just go away,

it's like a black hole,
the worse it gets for us,

the more it'll start to affect others,

I think we nailed it's origin

of appearing due to
excessive rut-being-in-ing,

but that's all we got,

if we don't do something about this soon,

it'll not only consume us, but everybody,

humanity is hell-bent on repeating itself

and if we don't warn people
soon, things could get bad.

- I know the Amber alert guy.

- I've been wanting a spotlight from him.

- Rex, I've got something
planned for you and I.

- Oh, I've heard of something like that,

it's called an event, right?

- Everybody else just spread
the word as much as possible,

the more people know, the
quicker we can find a solution,

get on your feet and let's do this.

- I've seen Wendy's employees stand,

this'll be great practice.

- We're not crazy, you're just (beep).

We're not crazy, you're just (beep).

We're not crazy, you're just (beep).

- All right, here's the plan.

- Say no more.

- I booked us an appointment

with somebody that owns a curtain.

- How do you find these people?

- I just thought people took things

with curtains more
seriously, look at showers.

- Ugh, not this plan again,

I'm not gonna (beep) a shower.

- No, turns out the curtain
owner hosts a talk show.

- Those demographics overlap?

- Barely, but if we go on this show,

we'll reach all cable TV users.

- So nobody.

- Hey, that's more nobody than yesterday.

- What's this talk show about?

- I was hoping blue borders, but no,

I had to lie to get us on.

(audience applauding)
(uplifting music)

- Hi, I'm Hector Andfriends,

that's not the name of the show,

that's just my name damn it,

and welcome back to "Throats for Thought",

where we get to chat with throat users

from all over the world and county,

our 15th guest today have throats,

let's get 'em out here.

- You don't know if you have a throat.

- I forget, I never took anatomy.

- Remember if things aren't going our way

and we need attention, when in doubt--

- Vomit.

- No, just lie and say it's your birthday,

that'll get us a sympathy vote.

- It is my birthday.

- Okay, I've just got a cease and desist

from the other nine
groups handing out papers

with this exact slogan.

- It is a popular time
of year to get (beep).

- Well, maybe we can get our
attention some other way,

like with sex appeal?

- But we're already (beep).

- Hey, Hector, it's great to be

on this show with a throat,

ever since I've gotten one,

this has been a short-term goal of mine.

- Oh, who's this?

- Oh, he's my aid.
- Swallow.

- Thanks.

- Well, when I heard your story,

I knew you had to be on the show,

so you have a throat?

- Does he ever.

- I won best throat at the state fair.

- I won biggest.

- Ever since I was 18,

I was told my throat was my best future.

- Okay, okay, been notarized?

- What?

- I mean, any official
throat user's been notarized.

- Hey, hey, if anybody has
a throat here, it's Scott,

I can't tell you how many times
I've been around this man,

and had be, "Damn man,
stop using your throat!"

- Listen, Hector, Hec,
may I call you Hell?

- May I call you (beep)?

- I may not have my
throat documents on hand,

would you settle for dental?

- There's a big blue border
that's gonna eat you.

- Get off my show.

- No, we have to stop the blue border,

it actively annoys everyone
it affects, it has to end!

- Oh my God, my aunt just died.

- On my birthday?

- Well, any publicity's good publicity.

- You got that right.

(static crackling)

- [Reporter] This just in,
a fight amongst 10 groups

of end of the world conspiracy
theorists broke out today

because apparently we can't all settle

on a definitive end of the world.

- Shapes, I don't trust 'em.

Get the (beep) away from me!

- [Reporter] In other
news, on a special edition

of "Throats for Thought",
a throatless con man

and his aid took over the
show to inform everybody

that a blue border will
be overtaking the world,

police later confirmed that
blue borders don't exist.

- All right, step one went
better than I expected,

it's getting us closer
to step two, give up.

- At least we did spread
the word on multiple issues,

now people know about the blue border

and think we're (beep).

- I mean, we only
started to see the border

after you brought it up to us.

- [Together] Huh?

(static crackling)
- This just just in,

reports that the state

of Ohio experiencing a blue
border obstructing their vision

are increasing rapidly,

let's go to our reporter in the field.

- I'm in a field.

- See, that's why I don't
trust the news anymore,

that's a yard.

- I'm standing here
because as a news reporter,

you trust what I have to say
outside more than inside,

various eye-havers are
reporting a phenomena

where a blue border is
obstructing their view,

nobody knows why, but it seems

that the entire state of Ohio is affected.

(dramatic music)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(group screaming)

(border whooshing)

- Other states would contact Ohio to help,

but it seems that they would have

to be convinced that Ohio is real first.

- Oh my God, you know what this means?

- Not Michigan!

- This thing is spreading
like some kind of disease.

- I'd argue the best
diseases are contagious.

- How're we gonna take on something

that's not even tangible the size of Ohio?

- Maine maybe, Ohio,

I've tried, it's not possible.

- Guys, we can't give up,

this is important to me,

people are starting to
finally see what it's been

like to be in my shoes this entire time.

- They're bitching about Wario?

- Where even is this blue border?

I feel like it's everywhere
and nowhere at the same time,

I just can't escape it, like the moon.

(eerie music)

- I think I know where to look,

guys, we're going to space.

- Oh, I left my passport at home.

- How, we need two, maybe
three cars to hold us all?

- I get space sick.

- I just don't wanna (beep) do it.

- Guys come on, does anybody
know how to build a rocket?

- I know of rockets.

- We'll wing it,

the question is what
materials do I have enough

of to make a rocket?

(inspiring music)

- Come on, we gotta try,

Target employee, if the
blue border takes over,

there won't be a Wendy's get fired from

if there's no world left.

- There will always be a Denny's though.

- Terry, there won't be no
cheese to eat if this continues,

Jerry, there won't be me
wasting money on your services,

Rex, there won't be no sex to be had,

Jeb, no everything except for "Gex"

because anything but "Gex" is "Gex".

- That includes shallots.

- If we're the only ones who can do this,

we have to take this blue
border out ourselves,

we're the only one who can do this,

everybody else is busy,

we've got nothing else to do today.

♪ It's our time to prove our worth ♪

♪ By saving the world ♪

♪ Save this frameless Earth ♪

♪ And when we do we'll rub it ♪

♪ In the faces of our government ♪

♪ How could you tax a hero's quest ♪

♪ Just take that IRS ♪

♪ We gotta save the world ♪

♪ We've gotta save the day ♪

♪ I know you all don't have some plans ♪

♪ So hear me out as I sway ♪

♪ You don't want blue cataracts ♪

♪ Wouldn't that be anti-swell ♪

♪ You've got nothing else going on ♪

♪ So you all might as well ♪

♪ We can't give up ♪

♪ At least not yet ♪

♪ We gotta try ♪

♪ I can't lose this bet ♪

♪ We're the only ones capable ♪

♪ Of ending this blue fable ♪

♪ So we mustn't stall our big night ♪

♪ This so counts as a fight ♪

♪ Take your nearest hand ♪

♪ Bop it on your closest head ♪

♪ Loyalty or no dignity ♪

♪ Not both or you'll be dead ♪

♪ It's our duty to fight back ♪

♪ After borders came to dwell ♪

♪ When else does this ever happen ♪

♪ So we all might as well ♪

♪ Might as well ♪

♪ Stand up and unite ♪

♪ Our strength combined
can take the fight ♪

♪ Because it's up to us ♪

♪ And with some luck ♪

♪ We'll watch the border's demise ♪

♪ And if unaware before ♪

♪ Prepare yourself 'cause this is war ♪

♪ There's not much time ♪

♪ According to my forever bordeline ♪

- Sure.

- All right guys, we're going to space,

remember your coats.

- I'll just pick one up on the way there.

- Terry Lesler, you'll be our treasurer,

Jerry Atrict, HR, Jeb Jeb,

customer support representative,

Rex-imo's the moral
support representative,

Target employee, catering.

- Good thing I didn't pack clothes.

- Yeah, I'd like to file a complaint.

- Ready for liftoff,

cramming good luck charm down pants,

setting Tinder radius
for 50 miles and beyond.

(rocket engine roaring)

(inspiring music)

(group screaming)

Oh, (beep) this atmosphere.

- Hello police, yeah, yeah, outer space.

- God, that's a lot of (beep) space.

- Yeah, space is a lot bigger up close.

- All right, it looks like we have

to take a left in about half a mile,

oh, I forgot to carry the three.

- Don't worry, I recognize this area,

just keep going straight.

- Hey guys, so as the caterer here,

I'm trying to figure out what to do,

what would a Wendy's employee make?

- Food.

- All right, back to the drawing board.

(laser whooshing)

(wind whooshing)

- Whoa, what was that?

- Something!

- Oh, we got a leak here.

- I (beep) hate circles!

- All right, listen, I'm
your moral support rep,

so this means a lot coming
from me, we're (beep).

- Listen, if we die, please tell me

was it hey y'all or hey all?

- Hey guys, I made us Baconators.

- That's a (beep) Whopper!

- (grunts).

(burger whooshing)

- Please (beep) up more.

- Oh, who shot us?

- My money's on the working class.

- [Brett] (laughs).

- No, it can't be,

my mortal enemy,

cover athlete of "Madden 09", Brett Favre!

- Oh Scott, you'll pay for this.

- Favre, why are you doing this?

- First of all, that's
none of your business,

for whatever reason you
despised "Madden 09",

so looks like I'll have
to deal with you myself.

- You can't kill us, it's illegal.

- Hey, anything's fair game in space,

this is where I was planning to jay-walk.

- Let's get the hell out of here.

(spaceship whooshing)

(lasers whooshing)
(dramatic music)

- We can't escape him.

- He just called customer
support, he's pissed.

- Oh God, he's docking.

- His troops are boarding the ship.

- Holy (beep) it's the Green Bay Packers.

- All right Favre, we're ending this,

guys,
(sword whooshing)

I know we're trying to
mitigate our tropes here,

but we can't let it affect who we are,

the only way we're gonna win here,

is by being the best us we can be.

- If there's one thing I hate more

than the Green Bay Packers, it's sex.

- Honestly, deep down,

I've always felt like I've
been a Wendy's employee.

- Well, I've always been a vegan.

- I haven't.

- Is that a gun?

- No, it's "Gex".

(dramatic music)

(group grunting)

(sword whooshing)

(gunshots firing)

(light blaring)

(carrot squelching)

(gunshots firing)

(sword whooshing)

(gunshots firing)

(belt whooshing)

(sword clanging)

- He flew in front of us
when we weren't looking.

(laser roaring)

Oh God, he's charging up.

- We don't have enough
resources to fire back,

we have everything we
need except for zinc.

- I already ate zinc,
I'm onto thallium now.

- We need to attention,

things aren't going our way.

- Vomit (coughs).

Hey, here's a nail.

- That'll work.

Guys, we have enough.

- (beep) it!

(dramatic music)

(laser whooshing)

- That's it, I'm tired
of you "Madden 08" fans.

- I'm more of a "Madden 09" guy, I swear.

- Favre, all we're doing is
looking for the blue border,

just let us go and everybody will be fine.

- And you think I have
nothing to do with that,

but you know what?

I'm coming over to deal with you myself.

(suspenseful music)

(laser whooshing)

What was that?

(man screaming)

(spaceship whooshing)

- Who saved us?

- [Together] Vince Young.

- Vince, thank you.

- Yes, hey Scott, no problem,

good luck out there, thanks.

- I'd like to not file a complaint.

- Guys, I don't think we're gonna make it,

we're almost out of gas.

- What are we gonna do,

where are we gonna go?

- Senoko.

- Guys, I don't think
we have to go that far.

- So that's what blue is.

- A color.

(curious music)

(door whooshing)

- I'm so happy we're all hanging out more.

- I'm just happy home invasion's in now.

- What are we looking for exactly?

- Probably a square.

- Well, if any place is gonna
give us answers, it's here.

- Ah sweet, printer ink.

(group yelling)

- Oh man, nice!
- I (beep) with that.

- [Jerry] Oh, wow.

- [Jeb] Look at this one, hey?

- Wait guys, nobody would leave
their printer ink out there

just like that, it's a trap!

(group grunting)

No (grunts)!

- [Blue Border] You dare
acknowledge my existence

and threaten to remove me from your life?

- It kept me busy.

- I'm done only affecting
you and your precious state,

I'm ready to irritate the entire world.

(laser whooshing)

(dramatic music)
(border whooshing)

- Oh God, no!

- [Blue Border] There's
nothing you can do now,

I am now in everybody's
life, not just yours.

- Why did you only
affect me to begin with?

- [Blue Border] You were weak,

you wasted all your time talking

about stupid Nintendo games.

- I risked a lot doing that,

ever heard of spontaneous combustion?

- [Blue Border] You are a waste,

I contacted Farve to take you out,

but apparently I underestimated you.

- But you took advantage of my
group's love for printer ink!

- [Blue Border] Just because my first plan

to eliminate you fell through,

doesn't mean I'm opposed

to ruining your life even more so now,

you were the perfect catalyst for my plan

to be a part of everybody's life,

burn the screen in everybody's eyes,

there's no turning back now,

I am all powerful, I am
eternal life (laughs).

- Wait, the opposite of
eternal life is virginity!

(game whooshing)

(blue border grunting)

- It's weakening it,

- I've been holding this
one in for years (screams).

(games whooshing)

- It looks like it needs one more dose.

- I've been saving this one,

"Madden 08" in Espanol for
PlayStation 2 and Xbox 360!

(dramatic music)

(games exploding)

- I hate when this happens.

- Can we eradicate it?

- No.

- I got Raid.

- If it just stays here,

it might get bigger if we
don't do something about it.

- Maybe it needs a host.

- What are you saying here?

- I think it needs to live with somebody

or else it's just gonna
keep getting bigger

and bigger again.

- I'll do it.

- That goes against
everything we've just done!

- Guys, I've had to deal

with this thing longer than anybody else,

I know how to handle it at this point,

it's never gonna leave,
but I know how it works,

I know how to just talk
about stupid Nintendo games

and not let it bother me,

I would not wish this upon anybody else,

I just hope people understand
what I see all the time.

- Deal.
(inspiring music)

- Look, we did it,
everything's back to normal.

- Yeah, this blue border's not

gonna leave anytime soon for me,

but as long as I know how to handle it

and not let it affect
what I love, that's okay,

plus, who knows, it
might shrink over time,

I think it even did that a while back.

- I think that deserves a
letter of recommendation,

pop that onto your resume,

you're the only patient of mine

that has saved the world from shapes.

- If it wasn't for this whole thing,

I would have never considered myself

to be a fast food employee.

- None of us did.

- At least I can go back

to having no means of crotch access.

- That's good, I heard
Jesus hates handjobs.

- Terry, I'm sorry, I just,

I don't think I could be a
vegan anymore, I like "Gex".

- Well, you can't change who you are,

but we could always use a
volunteer vegan on the weekends.

- Oh boy, now people
will know what I'm not.

- Guys, thanks for helping
me out, it means a lot.

- I think everyone'll understand

this whole blue border
thing you're dealing with.

- Well, even if they don't,

as long as I have what I truly care about,

I don't give a piss.

♪ We saved the world from
a blue border quirl ♪

♪ I just have to live with it ♪

♪ For the whole rest of my days ♪

♪ It's a lot ♪

♪ But you've been taught ♪

♪ This thing is worse than you thought ♪

♪ But there's one small thing ♪

♪ That makes it all okay ♪

♪ Stupid Nintendo games ♪

♪ That blue border won't stand in my way ♪

♪ These stupid Nintendo games ♪

(upbeat music)