Scorpion (2014–2018): Season 4, Episode 19 - Gator Done - full transcript

WALTER:
Previously on Scorpion...

My entire school career,
I have only missed three days.

- Here it comes.
- And I've never had a tardy.

I actually just engineered
this water filter.

If I can get one of these
to every West Altadenian,

they would choose to use
tap water over bottled

simply because of the taste.

Walter doesn't feel
anything romantic towards me,

and-and I could never
be attracted to him.

What's wrong with Walter?
He's an amazing man.

Why-why would you never
be attracted to him?



He and I are alike.

Too much head,
too little heart.

'Cause that's what I need.

A smart man, sure,

but one who is sweet
and caring and vulnerable.

PAIGE:
Quinoa, chia-seed

Belgian waffle
with a side of organic,

homemade vegan apple-butter.

So good. Syrup's optional.
And I hope you're hungry.

Thank you, Chef Dineen.

(chuckles)
I'm famished.

I just wanted to try a new,
healthy breakfast, so be honest.

You know, I-I know that
the syrup is optional,

but I would like to
exercise the option.



Okay, no problem.

(spits)

You're gonna dilute the flavor
of the apple-butter.

That's the intention.

Now, Paige, I appreciate
the effort,

but the waffles are dry
and the butter is sour,

and the meal is missing,
well, flavor.

I said be honest, not brutal.

Oh, it-it wasn't my
intention to insult you.

I-I love you.

That's why I can't lie to you.

If I did, I would be

denying you the
opportunity to improve.

Well, I thank you
for that,

but sometimes it's okay
to tell a white lie

in order to protect
someone's feelings.

So, by your logic,
I should continue

to eat the waffles,
even though they're

unsatisfying and they
lack nutritional value,

potentially affecting
my cognitive function

and productivity?

(laughs):
It seems very inefficient.

Or, if you think a more
judicious modulation

of the truth is
worth practicing,

then I can give it a try.

I'd appreciate it.
Oh!

Don't forget,
the UCLA event tonight.

"Trigger Loop as
a Major Determinant

"of Transcriptional Fidelity,

and Its Role in
DNA Expression".

It's thrilling, right?

Looking forward to it.

And that's how it's done.

Of the three,
this cup

tastes the best--
what brand is it?

It is actually filtered
tap water

from right here
in West Altadenia.

So far, 99.038%
of pedestrians surveyed

haven chosen our tap
over the leading bottled brand.

This water purifier attaches
easily to your kitchen sink

in just three minutes.

You'll never have to buy
bottled again.

Okay, thanks.

And be sure to tell your friends
about your new filter.

All right, sure.
And also, call your local DWP

and let them know
how much you love

your new fresh-tasting water.

Great. Uh, this is a great idea.

Thanks. Uh, I have to...

And the science behind it
is really fascinating.

I'm sure it is.

I have to get my dog to a vet.

I don't see a dog.

You see, the filter adjusts

the compound in
a multistep process.

Ralphy-boy, I envy you.

Look at you, at your age,
spending your spring break

saving the planet.

No one parties like I do.

- When's Patty get here?
- Soon.

Thank you for your support.

Oh, excuse me, ma'am,

do you have a moment
to learn about

water purification systems?
- Sure.

Look at her,

engaging the constituency
with science.

She's clearly enjoyed working
with you on this project.

How about you
seize the moment?

Ask her out already.

You know what, Ralph?
You're right. I will go.

(speaking softly)

Hey, I'm ready for my shift.
Where do you want me?

Where do I want you?

That's not normally
how this works.

You boss me around,
remember?

Hey, something wrong?

Nothing important.

No, hey, Patty,

if something's bothering you,
it is important to me.

I had my first tardy
this morning.

I don't want to talk about it.

Here's all the stuff.

Sylvester,
I actually have to go.

I have a potential investor
meeting for my binding agent.

Okay, yeah, um,
well, thank you.

For all this.
(chuckles)

Um... I, uh...

I...

Do you have something
you want to tell me?

Yes. Yes.

Uh...

You know what?
I can't remember.

Okay.

Well, when you do,
you know where to find me.

Bye.

(Ralph sighs)

You missed your shot again.

There's something more pressing.
Like what?

Patty Logan got a tardy.

Yeah.

Something serious
must have happened.

We are gonna get
to the bottom of it.

What is this?

Who replaced the coffee
grinds with tree bark?

That's not tree bark,
that's chicory.

What possessed you to do that?

Voodoo spirit.
Got to get everybody in the mood

for our trip to the bayou.

At least I'll be
wide awake for it.

Any other preparations
I should know about?

He mapped out all his
favorite New Orleans sites,

mostly food-related.

Babe, this could be
my last hurrah

before this potential
bambino comes,

so I got to make it count.

Last time I was in NOLA

was 2012 to bet on
March Madness,

and I made a killing,
so I stayed for Mardi Gras,

and from what I remember,
I had the time of my life.

You do remember we're
going there to work, right?

Every party has a pooper.

That's why you're here.
(blows raspberry)

What part of shrinking

an overgrowing, virus-carrying

mosquito population is a party?

A potentially fatal,
Zika-like virus.

This is not to be taken lightly.

If I was taking it lightly,
Mon Cher,

I wouldn't be
sequestering my bride

and the potential bun
in her oven in the garage

to stay away from
all those scary skeeters.

Okay, you know you're probably
just talking

to my breakfast burrito.

And you didn't
sequester anyone.

I am voluntarily staying back.

Don't worry, I'm gonna
bring you back lots of beads.

(phone rings) Uh, that must be Dr. Ditterman
at State College

of New Orleans Entomology.

He said he had
an update for us

before we fly down.

I'm so glad I was able
to catch you before you left.

Dr. Ditterman, are you okay?
You look a little pale.

We've just had an update
from the CDC.

Uh, they're not divulging
this information to the public,

but the infection rate
from the mosquito virus

is significantly higher
than previously reported.

How much higher?

The CDC is now aware

of over 1,300 cases
across the Southeast.

1,300? Why were they
keeping that under wraps?

Symptoms often present
as the flu or pneumonia,

so it's been easy
to miscalculate.

And there have been
60 fatalities already.

Well, that's almost
a five percent mortality rate.

So I assume the CDC is
keeping this secret

to prevent a mass exodus
in the region.

And the abandoned properties
would just become

breeding grounds
for more mosquitoes.

And those who stayed behind
would be overrun by the virus.

That's the CDC's
assessment, too.

With rainy season days away,
the mosquito population

could expand tenfold.

This disease is on the verge
of becoming an epidemic.

Does our existing plan
still work?

These sterile male mosquitoes

that we have
genetically engineered,

and your team have replicated,
can still be

released into the
local ecosystem.

They will mate
with the females,

who will produce no offspring,

killing off a generation
of mosquitoes

and the virus that they carry.

We followed your instructions
to the letter.

Sterile mosquitoes are ready
for distribution.

Given the new developments,
I was hoping that we could just

disperse the mosquitoes
ourselves.

The release site needs to be
precisely calculated

and it can change according to
barometric pressure

and wind conditions,

which we have to
calculate on-site.

We're on a flight in an hour.
We'll see you soon.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

Okay, team, you're up.

Son of a gun,
we're gonna have some fun.

(zydeco music playing)

Oh, God, even better
when it's fresh.

You could help us
with the bug spray

so we don't get
infected.

What about my beignet?

All right, we've got
some chicken carcasses,

a tranquilizer gun.

This boat's got
some odd equipment.

Yeah, swamp's a
dangerous place.

Got snakes, alligators,
your boars.

And that's just
the animals.

This landscape can
be quite unruly.

Got to stay on your tippy-toes.

Wait, that reminds me.

Tipitina's is a really
cool bar by the river

we should check out
when we're done.

Kill the music,
or I'm gonna kill you.

You are such a grouch.

Just trying to let loose
in the Crescent City, Cabe.

(music stops)

- Hi.
DITTERMAN: Hey..

Nice to meet you all in person.

Sorry it's under
these circumstances.

- Our mosquitoes?
- You have

just over 43 minutes
to release 'em,

or they'll suffocate
in that tin,

rendering them useless,
and the virus unstoppable.

That can't hold
very many bugs.

Are you sure that's enough
to avert a plague?

Well, surprisingly,

female mosquitoes are

more attracted to sterile males.

That's probably how
I landed Happy.

Yeah, they seek them out
to mate.

This tin-full could
cull the hatch by 90%.

The remaining ten percent isn't
enough to spread the virus.

It better, because there are
only a few days

in the breeding season,
and no time to engineer more.

This is all we have.

Okay, no problem.
So, considering

bug concentration,
wind patterns,

depth of swamp water,
and humidity,

this is the ideal drop zone.

That's accessible by fanboat,

but it's deep in the wetlands,
so no time to waste.

I'll, I'll let you get to it.
PAIGE: Wait.

You're not going
with us?

The director of the CDC
is flying in

from Atlanta, and needs
to be debriefed in person.

Who's driving?

I took the wheel
during a swamp tour

during my last visit
to the Pelican State.

I wasn't supposed to,
but I did great until

that tour guide scolded me
for no good reason.

I can handle it.

Thank you for your help, Doctor.

- Welcome.
- I'll get out of your hair.

Oh, speaking of which,

I can hardly notice
that yours is a toupee.

It's quite realistic.

Uh, um... thank you?

Yeah.

- What possessed you to say that?
- You did.

I'm practicing white lies,
like we talked about.

The toupee was actually
very noticeable.

Oh, you really need to go over
the rules of white lies again.

(Toby whoops)

I got it.

It's coming back to me now.

Take it slow, Doc.

- Are you guys near the drop zone yet?
PAIGE: Not yet.

Getting close.

We need to head west.

TOBY:
Copy that.

(engine revving)
Uh-- Oh, my beads!

Whoa-oh-uh...

Toby, Toby, stop the boat.

WALTER: We need to go back.
The mosquitoes went overboard.

Damn it, Doc,
I said to take it slow.

That was not my fault.
The fan sucked in the beads,

it was choking me.
PAIGE: You shouldn't have had

those stupid beads on
in the first place.

We do not have time for this.

Just turn the boat around
so we can get the canister.

It's way back that way.

TOBY:
You know, for the record,

my beads are not stupid.

You said yourself they're cool.

PAIGE:
Do none of you understand

the concept of a white lie?

Up there, I see the container.

Okay.

A little closer,
I'll scoop it up.

(all scream)

Gator!

It got the tin.

Gator? As in "alligator"?

Swallowed it whole. One bite.

PAIGE: We can't just let him
get the mosquitoes.

That tin is the only way
to stop the virus.

♪ Scorpion 4x19 ♪
Gator Done
Original Air Date on March 19, 2018

How the hell
do we stop the plague

if we don't have
those mosquitoes?

We can't.
We're cooked like crawdads.

He's right. In 34 minutes,
those mosquitoes are dead,

and the pandemic
becomes irreversible.

What's the plan?

You know,

we could hit the big guy
with one of these tranq darts.

I could perform
a quick surgery

and take the tin out.

I mean, small incision,
suture with fishing line.

It'd be easy as étouffée.

Well, how do we do that?
We need the beast to tranq him.

Maybe it's a her.

And that matters why?

Well, it's nesting season
for reptiles,

and alligators are very
territorial of their young.

If we find where
she's buried her eggs,

she won't be far away.

Okay, the Barataria swamp

is a national preserve.

The rangers may keep track
of the animals

and their nesting sites online.

Did you guys notice any
distinguishing characteristics?

Yes, she had big, sharp teeth
and a prehistoric jaw.

Distinguishing
to this alligator.

Oh, a long scar
over its right eye.

I saw it when it jumped at me.

Okay, there's a gator
in the preserve system

named Yvonne.
It says here

she lays her eggs
on a muddy spot

half a mile southwest
of your current location.

I will send the coordinates.

Great! Let's get moving.

CABE:
Not so fast.

We start that fan,
it may scare Yvonne.

This fanboat
just became a gondola.

Enjoy your water.

Great stuff.

Saving the planet.

Whatever.

Patty, may I make
an observation?

You really are not
acting like yourself today.

I know you said
you didn't want to talk

about what happened
before, but...

...if you got a tardy,

then it must have been
something serious.

I told you, it's not important.

The tardy thing
is a dumb school record

that nobody cared about anyway.

I cared about it.

Why?

'Cause you cared about it.

Maybe they did me a favor.

Now I don't have to worry about
being a perfect little nerd

with a perfect little record.

Who's "they"?

What did they do?

Some of the popular girls
at school found out

that I asked Jesse Colt
to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

They thought that

it was out of line for someone

with my high school
social status to ask out a jock.

so they decided
to teach me a lesson,

as if Jesse turning me down flat
wasn't bad enough.

He said no?

Idiot.

And what did these girls do?

I leave my bike
on the side of my garage.

This morning,
the tires were slashed.

They left a mean note.

I was late for first period.

(crying): I worked so hard
for that record.

Your parents talk
to the principal?

I can't tell them.

Then they'd tell
the other girls' parents,

and I'd be a pariah, more so.

I have to get back.

I told my civics teacher
I'd be back by 2:00.

See you later.

(sighs) I don't like people
messing with her.

Don't worry.
They won't get away with it.

Well, the baby gators
couldn't have gone

too far from the shore, and
neither would their mother.

Okay, so she's somewhere
around here, but the shoreline's

miles long, and we've got 30
minutes to find the mosquitoes.

How do we track her in time?

WALTER: We don't
need to track her,

we track the mosquitoes.

If we can build
a metal detector,

then we can locate the bug box
inside the gator.

HAPPY:
Okay, I can help you build one.

Does the boat have a radio
with an A.M. band?

CABE:
Let me check.

Yeah.

We'll need a calculator.

WALTER: Yeah, I have
a scientific calculator

in my bag.

I never leave home without one.
Naturally.

The calculator's electronic
circuits produce

a radio frequency signal.

When those frequency waves

reflect off of the metal
canister in the gator,

they'll be audible
through A.M. radio.

CABE: All right,
as soon as we locate Yvonne,

I'll lure her out of the water

with this delicious
chicken carcass.

Then I'll hold her
with the snare

until I hit her
with the tranq dart.

Then it's surgery time.

(vomiting in distance)

We've got another one
with the stomach flu.

I'm gonna need a pickup.

I hate high school.

I'm going to check in with
the principal's secretary,

and see how much longer
we'll be waiting.

What are you in for?

I'm here to help a friend. You?

I forgot my combination,
so I broke my lock again.

H-How am I supposed
to remember, anyway?

There must be hundreds
of possible combos.

Uh, 64,000 combinations,
to be exact.

When my pal gets back,

tell him I'll be
waiting for him outside.

Okay.

(detector beeping steadily)

(detector whirs)
Oh, we got a hit.

Yeah? Let's take
it to shore, Cabe.

All right, quiet.

Try to disturb the water
as little as possible.

Oh, there she is.

CABE:
All right, Toby.

Let's get that chicken ready.

TOBY: Don't tranq her
till she's lassoed.

(Cajun accent):
Quiet now, Cher.

We huntin' cocodril.

(normal voice):
That's Cajun for "alligator."

Yeah? And what's Cajun
for "my foot in your ass"?

I should know that;
I've heard it before.

Paige, keep the boat steady
so I can make the shot.

CABE:
Here you go, girl.

Careful, Cabe.

WALTER:
Ah, she just surfaced.

She doesn't seem interested
in the chicken.

That's 'cause you're not making
it seem like a tasty bird.

You got to entice her, Cabe.

Maybe I should've made it
a cacciatore

or a chicken parmigiana?

You need it to act
like it's alive.

You know? No animal just pops
up and down like that.

See? See how it just skims
the surface there?

It's like a duck.

Watch it, Toby,
you're kind of close.

HAPPY
Hey, dummy, if I'm pregnant,

I do not want to tell my child

that Dad died as gator bait.

(grumbles)

CABE (quietly):
We got movement.

TOBY:
And then, when she comes up

for her meal, Walt,
hit her with that tranq gun.

Got her in my sights.

(groans)
Damn it, she's gone.

Maybe she's not hungry.

Whoa!

(screams)

The rope's tangled around
my arm, I'm falling in!

Tranq the dinosaur!

I can't get a line on her!

Just point, aim and shoot.

PAIGE:
You missed!

It's harder than it looks.

Dig your feet in the mud!

I'm gonna reach into my pocket

and get my pocket knife
and cut the rope!

The thrashing of the water
is moving the boat.

I-I can't aim!

Just shoot it!
TOBY: Shoot it!

(shouts)

Son of a bitch!

Did you hit the target?

Uh, not the one
I was aiming for.

He shot me in the ass!

It's not as easy as it looks!

(grunting)

Come on.

Come on. All right.

Come on, big fella.

Okay. Happy, they're safe.

What about
the prehistoric beast?

(grunts)

Just took a dart from his butt.

The alligator, stupid.

Oh. No, she got away.

I got the dart out before
all the drugs discharged,

but he's still got
a heavy sedative in him.

We're gonna need an antidote

before it hits
his nervous system.

Ah, that's all right.

Let's go.

So about that antidote?

(slurring):
Let's get those mosquitoes.

TOBY:
Happy, you call Ditterman,

and hurry up;
he should have the antivenin.

Enough of this stuff interferes
enough with his nervous system,

it'll kill him.
HAPPY: Already dialed.

You are a mile away
from Rural Route 32.

If you can get Cabe
to that highway,

I can tell Ditterman
to meet you with the antidote.

All right. Uh, I'll take him,
you go get the gator.

Okay.

Be careful.

Let's go, big fella.

What's up, Doc?

(laughs)

Oh, boy.

Guys, I got to go.

I have Ditterman on the line.

So we have T minus 24 minutes
to get our mosquitoes back.

There are no more
tranquilizer darts,

we've lost our surgeon,
and even if we find Yvonne,

we won't be able to get
our tin back, anyway.

Well, maybe we don't need
to get it from her.

Maybe we can get her
to give it to us.

Lobelia inflata
is native to the Southeast.

It grows on the eucalyptus trees
found near the swamps.

Come on, let's go.
Explain how giving the alligator

a plant is going to
give us the box back.

Well, because Lobelia inflata
is more commonly known

by its layman's nickname:
the puke weed.

(groans)

And what exactly
is your relationship

to Ms. Logan, Mr. Dodd?

Brother? Uncle?

I'm her alderman,
she's my intern.

Okay, Mr. Dodd.

Do you have any proof
of who slashed Patty's tires?

Well, no, but I think
the note is crystal clear.

It was retribution
for an alleged crossing

of arbitrary societal lines.

Now, if we
could compare

the handwriting in the note
to the handwriting

of these girls
that Patty has mentioned...

This isn't CSI.

We don't have
the resources

for handwriting analysis.

Now, I'll look into it,

and if there is something
to be done, I'll handle it.

How's that sound?

Like bullnuggets.

Excuse me?

I've met you before.

Your nameplate might
read "Ms. Carlisle,"

but it might as well
read "Mr. Dinkins,"

and you might as well be
a 68-year-old balding man

with an overbite

and a bad comb-over

and absolutely
no intention

of doing anything
about Buddy Hinkle stealing

my Super Fun Guy lunch box
and throwing it up

in the Japanese maple
on the playground.

I think we've gotten off topic.

No.

I am perfectly on topic,
Ms. Carlisle.

I am on the topic

of bureaucrats who would
rather sit and wait out

their last two years
until retirement

instead of actually helping
the kids

who need help.

So I am done talking to you.

What is the name
of Patty's guidance counselor?

Uh, Mr. Gipmar.

I suggest you get Gipmar 'cause
I'm sitting in your office

and I'm not leaving
till I get my lunch box.

There it is.

The Lobelia inflata.

PAIGE:
Oh, it's pretty high up.

No way to scale that tree,

so how do we get up there?

Uh, what sort of equipment
do you have on the boat?

A bunch of your husband's
Mardi Gras beads.

Not really useful.

Oh, I saw a tarp and some rope
for crawdad traps.

Okay, I can work with that.

Yeah, yeah, thanks, Doc,
we'll see you soon.

Cabe, Ditterman's got
the antidote in hand.

He's gonna meet us
on Route 32 ASAP,

so we got to hustle.

I got something in my ear.

It's all right.

You got something, too.

What? No.
Stop it. Cabe.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
those are our comms!

Let's just go.

You okay?

Come here. Why
don't you, uh,

why don't you just
follow my lead here?

Huh?
Here we go.

You know what, Doc?

This is what
life's all about.

Taking care
of people you love.

We need to take care
of each other.

You're gonna learn
that soon...

'cause you're...

you're gonna be a dad.

That's so awesome.

That's so awesome.
Yeah.

Came to the Big Easy to party

and I'm the designated driver
for Tipsy McStumblepants.

- You know what else is awesome?
- Huh?

Breakfast for dinner.

Boop.

I hate you.

Okay, then you take
the end of the rope,

you slide it through
the double-hitched knot,

you put it through the A-hinge
of the crawdad trap,

you wrap it
around the other side,

and you repeat the steps
to act as a counterbalance.

Happy, can you slow down?

I'm trying to follow
your instructions,

but you're going way too fast.

Oh, God, this would be
so much easier

if I was there to build it.

Okay, you're the one
with the, uh, 197 IQ.

Keep up.

My area of expertise is not
mechanical engineering.

Maybe if you could articulate
your ideas

a little bit
better, then...

No, you're right.

I have no patience
for explaining things.

Toby says the same thing.

I am a sucky teacher.

Actually, you're not.

I see here that the mistake
was mine.

I-I did a single-hitched knot
instead of a double-hitch

like you said.

So it's totally my fault.

(mouthing)

But if you could
slow it down a bit,

I, uh, might be able to
get it right the next time

and then we could
climb that tree

and grab that puke weed.

Okay. 20 minutes left
to make this happen.

Let's start off
from the top again.

You take the base
of the crawdad trap.

That's gonna be your seat.

(quietly):
Now, that's how you white-lie.

Very proud of you.

Brown mustard,
L.A. Kings,

wind chimes,
and that's it.

That's everything
that's awesome.

- Oh, is that all?
- You sure?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe I'm
forgetting something.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cabe!

Come on, come on, man. Hey.

Are you feeling all right?

(groans)

Answer appears to be no.

(pants)

(cars driving in distance)

You hear that?

That road can't be more
than a quarter mile away.

Cabe, you know what?

Um, stay here.

I'm gonna go get Ditterman
and the antidote

and I--
and I'll be right back. Okay?

Awesome.
Don't move.

Okay.

(groans)

TOBY: Aah! Cabe! Over
here, over here!

Toby?!

Cabe, hurry!

What you doing?

I'm in quicksand,
you idiot.

Quicksand.

I haven't seen quicksand

since The Princess Bride.

Now, that was

an awesome movie.

Don't fear, Buttercup.

I will save you.

I'm a dead man.

Coming, buddy!

Yeah.

All right, now
pull me out.

(grunts)

Come on.

(grunts, groans)

I can't do it.

Yeah, that's 'cause you're
hopped up on tranq juice.

Oh, I'm really going down fast.

Um, Cabe?

Can you find a
vine or something?

Okay, I'm on it.

No, no, no, no! Forget about it.

New plan.

Forget about trying
to pull me out.

You got to push me down.

Fast!

You want me to smother you
in the quicksand?

No, quicksand's created
by underground water systems

like rivers or streams.

So I bet there's a stream
underneath this pit

that runs to that
pond over there.

So you want me to drown you?

No, just find something heavy

that's gonna
weigh me down quick,

and I'm gonna fall
to the underground stream,

I'll ride it to the pond, and
then I'll swim to the surface

before I suffocate
or drown!

Oh, man, that sounds scary.

Go get the damn rock!

Okay.

(metal detector beeping)

You hear that?

Gator's nearby.

Okay. (grunts)

I'll grab the chicken.

Get every last
bit in there.

I hung from a crawdad
rope 20 feet in the air

to get that crap.
Understood.

I'll need your smart watch.

You plan to text Yvonne?

The watch is also
a tracking device.

This way we won't risk
losing her again.

Oh, you're making, like,
a real-life Tick-Tock Croc.

Yeah.

Peter Pan, when the crocodile
swallowed the alarm clock?

I've never read it.

Besides, Yvonne is an alligator,
not a croc.

Crocs are on average
five feet longer

and they tend to live
in saltwater habitats,

while alligators prefer

freshwater marshes.

Don't ruin Peter Pan for me.

Ping was over here.

(metal detector whining)

(Walter grunts)

Here, gator, gator, gator.

Aah.

Okay, let's follow her.

It's working. It's showing us

exactly where Yvonne and
the mosquitoes are headed.

12 minutes to go.
No time to waste.

Okay. Let's follow that gator.

Cabe! Where the hell
are you, man?!

(panting)

Where's the rock?!

Where the hell
you been?!

Well, I couldn't find
one large rock.

But not to worry.

I found a bunch of small ones.
Pebbles?!

Pebbles do not help me!

I always thought one of the
stupid ones were gonna kill me.

I thought it was gonna be Paige.

Cabe, come on, man.

Stay with me. If I die, you got
to get to Route 32 by yourself.

Oh, oh!

Wasn't the weight
I was looking for,

but you'll do.

(gasps)

(panting)

Whoa! What just happened?!

You just took the worst
water park ride ever.

(panting)

Ooh, I feel alert now!

Yeah, that's an adrenaline rush.

It's soon gonna wear off.

It's a double-edged sword.

The adrenaline's got your
heart pumping faster,

which is gonna make the drug go
through your body faster, too.

Watch stopped moving.

Well, Yvonne would stop
to vomit.

The puke weed worked faster
than we thought.

Ugh, so gross.

Okay, uh,
so she stopped moving

somewhere underwater
around here.

So, once she vomits, the tin
will float to the surface,

so keep an eye out.

There it is.
Okay, grab the net.

Hold on.

PAIGE:
Take it easy, Walter.

Go slow.
WALTER: We have to hurry.

We only have four minutes
to release the mosquitoes.

Aah.

(shouts)

Paige!

What happened?

The-the boat must've hit
a tree stump.

Are you okay?

Yeah. There's the tin.
I'll get it.

You get the boat off the stump.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, I got it.

Okay, great work, Paige.

(grunting):
Yeah, I got the boat free.

(growls)

Paige.

The alligator
is right behind you.

(Yvonne growling)

Oh, God.

Oh. What do I do?

I've got three minutes

before the mosquitoes
are useless,

but if I move, Yvonne's gonna
freaking eat me.

Don't move.

The alligator's
attracted to splashing

or any vibrations in the water.

Get me the hell out of here.

HAPPY:
Walt.

The fanboat probably has

a 500-horsepower engine,

topping off at 45

to 50 miles per hour.

The gator tops off at 20.

Do you follow?

I do.

(Yvonne growling)

You're pissing off Yvonne.

Hold on, Paige!
I'm gonna get you to safety.

Happy's insane.
I can't water-ski barefoot.

HAPPY:
You're not gonna water-ski.

He's gonna drag your ass.

(screaming)

I feel alert now.
Just a little bit further.

Ditterman's gonna meet us up
on the road. Come on.

Cabe, man,
I'm really sorry.

None of this
would've happened

if I wasn't wearing
those stupid beads.

I just thought, if Happy
might be pregnant,

I can have one last hurrah
in New Orleans

before the baby
comes, you know?

One last time to be
wild and crazy

before responsibility
sets in.

I'd hate for my immaturity
to be your downfall.

That's it.

Here's the road. All right,
you're gonna make it, buddy.

Move your feet, man.

You got this.

Are you kidding me?

(grunts)
Oh! Oh!

Cabe, Cabe!

Come on, man.
Wake up.

Cabe, come on, buddy.
Wake up.

If you die on this trip,

I'll never be able to enjoy
zydeco music ever again.

Come on!

Oh, Ditterman!

Hey! Over here!

I got it.

It's not working. You sure
you grabbed the right syringe?

It's the antivenin. I just
may have injected him too late.

Wake up, Cabe, come on.

Zydeco music sucks.

You know, that really is
a quality rug you got there.

He's still affected
by the drugs.

Coming up to
the drop spot.

Hurry, we have
12 seconds left!

Okay. Let 'em go.

Got it.

(sighs)

Just in time.

They'll mate.

Their offspring will be sterile.
Pandemic officially averted.

Guys, I just heard from Toby.
Cabe is okay.

Oh, thank God.
Can we please just go home?

Yeah. Oh.

Besides, we should
get back to L.A. soon.

You don't want to miss
that lecture tonight.

Oh, no... wouldn't want
to miss that.

(school bell ringing)

Our bikes...

Who did this to us?

Oh, no.

Did you do this?

I gave the mean girls a taste
of their own medicine.

By vandalizing their bikes?

I just locked them up.

There's 20 locks
over there, Ralph.

That's over two million
potential combinations

to comb through.
Exactly.

I came here to use diplomacy,
to talk to Patty's principal

or her guidance counselor.

How'd that work out for you?

His mom is gonna kill him.

What were you thinking?

That those girls were cruel

and they did a bad thing.

And now you've done a bad thing.

You can't respond to bullying
with more bullying.

Why not?

In physics, two negatives
often equal a positive.

This isn't physics.

And don't try to outsmart
the situation.

Stupid behavior
plus stupid behavior

just leads to more stupidity.

- But, Mom...
- Quiet. Let me ask you a question.

Do you think those girls
will be nicer to Patty now?

Or do you think that
they'll dislike her more?

Did you help the problem
or exacerbate it?

Over 200 IQ and you need me
to figure it out for you.

(sighs)
I'm sorry.

You're gonna pay for any damage

that may have happened
to those bikes.

You're gonna apologize
to those girls,

and you're gonna take
whatever punishment

the principal thinks is right.

In Ralph's defense,
the principal is a tool.

Eavesdropper.

Ralph.

You're a good kid.

Your heart was
in the right place.

Thanks.
But...

your head was up your butt.

Thank you for what
you did today.

Principal Carlisle
removed my tardy.

She did?
Yes.

On the condition that you
never visit her office again.

Done and done.

Heard some kids messed
with the queen bee's bikes.

It wasn't me, just so you know.
I don't know who did it.

Well, when you're mean,
you make enemies.

Not saying it was right, though.

Can I tell you something?

Of course.

Thing is, if I'm being honest,

I don't have a lot of friends.

I'm aware that my personality
is a bit intense

and different
than the other kids.

I'm sure you have plenty of...
I don't.

But what I'm trying to say is,

I'm thankful
that you're one of them.

Patty, you have
loads of friends.

Ralph, Paige,

Walter, Toby,
the entire team.

And that puts you

way ahead of where
I was at your age.

You had a tough time
in high school?

The toughest.

So it gets better?

It gets so much better.

Patty, you're gonna go on
to do great things.

You're already
on your way.

Trust me.

I wouldn't lie to my friend.

(groans)

That stings.
Stop squirming.

I think every pricker
bush in those woods

took a bit out of
me today. (winces)

So I thought you were gonna
stay down there a bit longer,

get your party on in the bayou.

No, I had a realization today.

I, I realized that I don't want
to be the guy

that wakes up shirtless
in a parked streetcar anymore.

Metaphorically speaking?

Yeah...

I just... Having a baby
does not make you a man.

Taking care of a baby
makes you a man.

And I could barely care
for Cabe today,

and the guy's almost 60.

He almost drowned

in quicksand today
because of me.

I got to...

I got to stop
with the childish antics

and prepare to properly
take care of our future child.

I get it.

I had an eye-opening day myself.

I thought I'd be okay
staying back,

quarterbacking from the garage,

but I went a little crazy.

I like getting
my hands dirty,

being in control.

But having a baby means

a lot of things will be
out of my control.

That is a hard
adjustment to make,

and I feel like...

- I'm losing a bit of my identity.
- Yeah.

I think we both are.

I'm gonna have to stop being
a man-boy all the time.

And you're gonna have to stop

being a controlasaurus
all the time.

That might be a good
thing, you know?

There's a lot of changes
coming our way.

We got to make
some changes, too.

Now stop squirming.

(whimpers)

Ah.

Okay, Sly's gonna
take you home.

I get to go to
a stimulating lecture

on major loop deterrence?

"Trigger Loop as
a Major Determinant

of Transcriptional
Fidelity."

That doesn't sound so bad.

Oh, I'd rather be at the swamp
with the alligators.

Uh, Paige,
uh, bad news.

The lecture
was canceled.

There's not as much interest
in the topic as they thought.

Really? That's surprising.

Yeah. It is. Uh... but it's
probably a good thing, right?

You must be tired
after today.

This way you can go home
with Ralph and rest.

Yeah, that's too bad,
but I'm actually pretty spent.

Being dragged
through the swamp

is draining, so it's
probably for the best.

Okay, well,
get some rest.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow it is.

Okay, Ralph, let's go.

(door swings open)

(door closes)

Oh, hey, guys.

Have plans tonight?

Uh, staying in,
taking it easy.

Order some pizza.

Okay, well, enjoy your pizza.

Uh, I'll see you in the morning.

Smell you later, 197.

What happened
to losing the man-boy?

"Smell you later" is a
classic, goes nowhere.

Do you...?

Hey, guys.
What are you doing?

I'm gonna make sure
Patty gets home safe,

and then I'm gonna
go check on Cabe.

Okay. Have a good night.

See you later, Walter.
Bye, Walt.

(phone chimes)

Excellent.

(car door opens)

Hey.

(car door closes)
I'm glad you could make it.

I thought this topic
might be of interest to you.

I'm sorry it was
such short notice.

Are you kidding me? This lecture
has been sold out for months.

I'm psyched.

Wonderful. Well, let's go have
a stimulating evening.