Scorpion (2014–2018): Season 4, Episode 15 - Wave Goodbye - full transcript

WALTER:
Previously on Scorpion...

TOBY: That's Quincy Berkstead.

The man who stole
your fiancée?

Quincy, really? Nobody wants
to see me in my bikini.

- Amy?
- That's Amy?

Toby doesn't gamble anymore.

He quit gambling? How?

Well, if he didn't,
I would have walked.

SYLVESTER: The new Chair
of Blades book comes out today,

and I had it delivered here
instead of my apartment.

It took J.
Randall P. Smythe



ten years to write this.

So I saw you talking
to Flo earlier.

You glad I convinced you
to keep her around?

Yes. I have to admit

the reason why I didn't want
her to come was, uh, childish.

- What was that?
- It's very silly, actually.

I-I dreamt we were married
and we kissed.

What?!

CABE:
Question number one:

Where did you two first meet?

Hup. Please read the
question in the proper form.

Absolutely not doing that.

Come on. The contest is tonight,
and we want to win.

Didn't your football coach say
"Practice like you play"?



No, actually he said,
"If you're complaining

"about how the ball bounces,

you're probably the jackass
who dropped it."

Wonderful tangent.
Game, please?

Fine.

A query,

my dearies:

Where did you first meet
your deary?

BOTH:
Nemo's Diner.

Next question.
Bring it on.

A query, my dearies:

What was the first foreign
country you traveled to

with your deary?

BOTH:
Bosnia.

(both laugh)
We must be like butter

'cause we're on a roll.

A query, my dearies:

Where did you first kiss
your deary?

At Kovelsky's.
In the garage.

Huh?

(buzzer sounds)

Wrong.
TOBY: Uh-oh.

That's the sound
of a couple that is about

to lose their desks.

PAIGE: Our first kiss
was in Kovelsky's

coat closet.

Actually, my deary,
our first kiss came

at your desk,
when we were testing

to see if we had any attraction
to each other.

That wasn't romantic, it was an
experiment. It doesn't count.

Did our lips press against each
other in a passionate encounter?

That's a kiss.

HAPPY:
Engine block will fit nicely.

You're not taking our desks.

TOBY:
We had a deal.

After we beat
your tuchases in this game,

Happy and I get your desks.

Asinine.

TOBY:
No, it's scientific.

I'm trying to fertilize my wife.

Gross.
Gross.

And studies prove
that couples that see each other

more often have
a higher rate of success

when the tadpole train pulls
into the ovulation station.

You can see her
from your desk.

No, no, no. I want to be
right across from her.

I want Happy to get pregnant
as much as anyone,

but I am office manager.

My desk needs to be
centrally located,

not over by
all that greasy stuff.

Yeah, and I think it's stupid,
so we'll win the game,

you two will owe us
dinner at Kovelsky's,

and we will retain
our work stations.

CABE: Don't be
so sure, my dearies.

You're both wrong.

Huh?
Your first kiss

was when Paige kissed Walt

when he was out cold
in the hospital.

HAPPY: Pretty sure
that's a crime.

Oh, what's really a crime
is that these guys

have to practice
to beat us.

Don't take our
no-look high five.

We've been no-look high-fiving
way before you two.

This is going nowhere fast.
We need to get

to the airport
and catch our flight.

Yeah, Paige is right.
Okay, Happy,

quick brush up: What did you
find about the schematics?

Power plant's actually
well designed.

According to
the diagnostic reports,

last week's quake resulted
only in moderate cracking

in the core's walls,

all through here.

Should only take
a few hours to repair.

I spoke with the Mexican
Power Authority this morning.

They approved our use
of our sonar technology

to precisely pinpoint all
fissures and seal them.

WALTER: Great.
Government gig,

helping an ally, good payday.
Let's pack.

(quietly):
Paige.

(Paige sighs)

What do you want?
I'm not giving you my desk.

It's not about that.

You know I'm an enthusiastic
lover, right?

And?

With all
the procreation recreation,

I slipped a disc
in my lower back.

We are all way too involved
in each other's lives.

Be that as it may, Coach Quinn
isn't gonna put me on the bench,

so I need to heal up
before the next big game.

Since you're the office manager,
you think you can

manage to get me off duty?

Okay, fine.

Walter?

Any way Toby can
pass on today's mission?

His back hurts.

From what?

Enthusiasm.

Fine.
Yeah, I don't want to know.

And where is Sly?

He's supposed to be here
running tests

on the reactor's performance.

He knows we have to leave soon.

He's probably preparing software
on the bus ride back here.

I have to say, out of
all the costumes here,

ours are the
most authentic.

I don't want to be that guy,
but I saw a Klentorian warrior

walking around with a pewter
amulet instead of brass.

How do you expect to meet a girl
when you make a gaffe like that?

Indeed.

(phone ringing)

Paige. What's up?

Sky, we're leaving
for Mexico shortly.

Great Falcon's feathers,
it's already Wednesday.

You have a genius IQ.

I know you know
how to use a calendar.

I'm sorry. I've been waiting
on line for J. Randall P. Smythe

outside The Warlock's Chest
since yesterday.

I lost track of time.

Chair of Blades author?

Are you in your smock?
I bet you're in your smock.

It's called a
tunic, and yes.

Paige, the thing is, J. Randall
P. Smythe only gives a window

for when he'll show
for a book adornment.

And sometimes, he doesn't
even show at all.

Sounds like a tool.

If I leave, I
might miss him.

You hanging out with that dork
you're always with?

No, just me.

Dyfrost.

CABE: Hey, why don't
we let Sly wait there

during our flight down,
and see if the author shows up.

And if he doesn't, then
Dyfrost can take his books

and get them signed.

All the books.

You gave Sly a book
to get signed, didn't you?

Clam it.

Fine, Sly, but you need to be
back here at work when we land.

Is that clear?

Absolutely. Bye.

I get it. My mom's only
letting me stay till 4:00.

Women, right?

Okay, we're off.

Toby, hold down the fort.

Feel better, Doc.

Tell Sly to call us
when he gets here.

HAPPY:
Rest up.

Tonight, you are
back on the job.

Huh. How romantic.

All right, hurry up.
They're gone.

Coast is clear?

Yeah. I thought they'd
never leave. Come on in.

I hate having to sneak
around like this. I'm sorry.

Well, it's not like you
and Happy are long-lost chums.

And, look, we're-we're trying
to preggo her Eggo.

Any undue stress could
make that more difficult,

so it's best she not know.

I understand.

Uh, okay, so, look,

you were a little emotional
and rambling on your voice mail.

So why don't you
just lay out

exactly what's going on
with Quincy.

And I hate to be a jerk,
but can you talk fast?

Running around
with my ex-fiancée

won't make Happy too happy,

so I'd like to get
this over with ASAP.

Yeah, okay, um, you know,
so like I said,

whenever everything went down
in the bunker,

I decided to end things with
him, and he took it very poorly.

You know,
the-the bunker business died,

there was bad press,

his speaking engagements dried
up, no more TV appearances.

So I-I went
to the bank

to find my accounts drained.

My credit was ruined.

I mean, he-he stole my driver's
license, my passport,

my Social Security
card, everything.

And with no way
to prove your identity,

there's no way to prove
your identity's stolen.

That's a classic
21st century dilemma.

I can't believe
that he did this.

I mean, he is
a very desperate man.

With an even more
desperate beard.

Anyway, I-I figured

he was hard up for money,

and so he sold my identity
for a couple of bucks.

Amy, your identity is worth
more than a couple bucks.

You're a felony-free citizen
with solid credit.

Quincy made a nice chunk
of change there.

See, this is why I came to you.

You know all of
the down and dirty stuff.

And I-I don't, I don't
mean to insult you,

it's just, you know,
when we were together,

you knew every lowlife,
loan shark

or backroom card hustler.

That was your world.

No offense taken.
I was a dirtbag.

I'm gonna make
a few calls.

There's some people
I think might have Intel

on stolen paper in L.A.

And they move their Koreatown
setup every few months.

Hey.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's, um... It's no problem.

Amy, when we were together,
I put you through the wringer,

stealing all your savings
for my long shots and underdogs.

So if someone else
is doing this to you,

that's the least I can do.

So I've found, as my Fantasies
'N Frolics scores ascend,

so does my career.

The same week I went
from a level five

to a level six player,

I went from assistant manager to
co-manager at the Pic 'N Save.

I'm only at level two.

But audiology takes up
most of my time.

I see.

Hey. You're supposed
to be my wingman.

I'm trying to impress
this pretty stereo salesperson.

She doesn't
sell stereos.

She's a doctor.
This is why I need a wingman.

By Elvin Hooves.

Take my books.

I don't feel that well.

We've had success with
this sonar equipment

in the past, Maria.

We'll be able to
locate the most

microscopic cracks
in the reactor core.

PAIGE: Which we'll seal
with a special compound

Happy Quinn designed
just for this job.

It's quick-drying, waterproof,
stress-resilient.

Your reactor will be
at full power in no time.

MARIA:
We can't thank you enough.

This community was once
a dying fishing village.

This plant brought jobs, enough
energy so we could expand.

Our population has grown
to almost 10,000 residents.

And most of them rely on this
plant to feed their families.

Since we've been shut down,
people are hurting.

Well, Scorpion is happy to help.

Speaking of helping,
I am at the garage now,

setting everything up
as we speak.

CABE:
Hey, Sly.

You take care of business?

I have a man on it.

Is that man wearing

a blue dress with stars on it?

Get off my back. You'll get
your dumb autograph, okay?

You okay, Sly?
You seem stressed.

I'm not stressed.

Well, you sound bothered.

I'm not bothered, either.

Except by this third degree
I'm getting.

All right, well, Sly, why don't
you just give us the readings?

Scanning them now.

All the cracks are up.

The visible ones should be
easy enough for you to spot.

The sonar is picking up
on the microfissures now.

Be careful.

Slow and steady.
(quiet rumbling)

If you want it slow and steady,
hold it slow and steady.

I am holding
it steady.

You're shaking it.
(rumbling grows louder)

No, I'm not doing anything.

This sucker is shaking
on its own.

Oh, man. Hold on!
(alarm blaring)

Is this another quake?

Technically, but...

it doesn't seem to be more
than a light aftershock.

It's already over.
(rumbling stops)

WALTER:
Sly, what are the details?

I know it may have felt like
a light aftershock,

but it was actually part
of the seismic waves

from a 9.1 earthquake

that hit in the Pacific
72 miles off the coast!

Oh, no.
What is it?

MARIA:
Our tsunami warning system.

There was a huge surge
off the Pacific.

Fuente Roja is 12 feet
below sea level.

This is bad.
SYLVESTER: It gets worse.

NOAA estimates
38 minutes until landfall.

And based on the reported size
of the surge,

there's a 100-foot wave
headed your way!

♪ Scorpion 4x15 ♪
Wave Goodbye
Original Air Date on January 29, 2018

_

We need to get
the hell out of here.

We can't till we seal
those cracks.

Now, if the tsunami
floods this reactor

with those cracks
still exposed,

it will melt down
just like Fukushima.

There's no way we can seal
all these cracks in 38 minutes

and still get out of here alive!

We can if we construct
a pulley system.

I can Spider-Woman around here.

It'll slash the time
needed to do the job.

Okay, do it.
Paige, go help them

find what they need
for the build.

Copy that.

Where's the exterior
exhaust vent?

On the south wall. Why?

WALTER:
We need to plug it.

Now, if the ocean water
from the tsunami seeps

into the core
through that vent...

Also Fukushima.
Exactly.

I'll alert the authorities
to begin an evacuation plan,

and I'll have a helicopter
pick your team up from the roof

once you're finished.
Great.

Uh, Paige, once you're done
helping Cabe and Happy,

meet me outside the south wall.

Got it! Toby!
(alarm wailing)

Any advice for Maria
on the best way

to evacuate a town of 10,000?

SYLVESTER:
Uh...

Toby's not here.

What do you mean he's not there?
Where the hell is he?

Um...

Running errands?

TOBY: Look, there's only
a handful of people that deal

in that kind of paper,
so our best bet

is to start with
Rhonda Duffy.

How do you know her?

Uh, played in her card game
back in the day.

Rhonda's, uh, a real pistol.

And she carries one, too,
so tread carefully.

Are you sure we're
gonna be safe?

Yeah, yeah. We'll be fine.

Rhonda loves me.

You conniving, scheming,
backstabbing, little creep.

How was your Christmas?

I knew you'd come
out eventually

from whatever rock
you been hiding under,

you hat-wearing turd.

I'm not a turd, Rhonda.

If you sat in a sandbox,
my cat'd bury you.

Now, you owe me

$8,213.

So where is it?

Or do I have Lugo
take your ear?

Well, for one thing, my entire
body isn't worth eight grand.

And two,

we both know you like
to keep your books clean.

So I'm gonna bet

that you sold my debt
to some knuckle-dragger

for 40 cents on the dollar.
Am I right?

Yeah. My bill with you
is square.

So, Rhonda,
I need a little favor.

(laughs):
You got to be kidding.

No, no, no, no.
I'm dead serious.

You see, this woman right here
is a civilian, and...

Hi. Dr. Amy Berkstead.

She doesn't care.

See, Amy, she got
her identity stolen.

And I figured,
classy lady like you

would know
who might trade

in that kind of paper.
Tell you what.

You walk out of here right now,
I won't have my guys

beat you dizzy in front
of your little friend.

All right. Have it your way.

It was lovely to see you.

You know, it's a shame,
'cause if I go,

I'm not gonna be able
to tell you

how you're getting robbed blind
down there.

Bull.

You see the rack in front of
that guy right there?

Now, I'm gonna assume

that this gentleman's been
coming to your establishment

for, eh, couple weeks now.

He hasn't won yet.
He loses two or three grand.

And then all of the sudden,
today, bam!

Oh, boy, is he incredibly lucky.

Looks like he's up, uh,
what is that, 20 large or so?

Wow.

Rhonda, this man set you up
like a bowling pin.

AMY:
Come on.

She doesn't want your help,
and I don't have time

for this nonsense, okay?
You heard the lady.

Hold it.

You catch me a cheat,

I'll tell you who has
Mrs. Doctor's identity.

Deal.

Cabe, you sure
you can handle this?

I'm gonna be 115 pounds

of swinging spider monkey
in there.

CABE:
I won't let you fall, kid.

Sly, where do I
need to be?

SYLVESTER:
The first crack cluster

is 12 feet down
at exactly 45 degrees.

HAPPY:
Done and done.

Hold on tight, Pops.

Whoa!

CABE:
It's okay. All right.

Happy, you all right?

I'm on. Ready to patch.

Sly!

I'm at the exhaust vent.

We need to figure out a way
to plug this thing.

SYLVESTER: Sand is
an aggregate in concrete.

Can that work?
Possibly.

But we need to add something
to create a slurry.

Oh.

Aha! Oil.

Yeah, that'll cause
a coagulation.

But if it's gonna
hold the water out,

we'll need a thickening agent.

Seaweed! Seaweed is used
as a thickener

in nail polish.
WALTER: Brilliant.

Seaweed has carrageenans
known for gelling properties.

Now, I'm gonna mix sand
into the oil.

When you get here, gather
as much seaweed as you can.

HAPPY: The sealant is
activated by high heat.

After I apply it to the cracks,
I'll use my torch to harden it.

Okay. Last group
of micro cracks,

11 o'clock,
six feet from the rim.

HAPPY:
Got it!

Sly, is Toby back yet?

No. He's still busy.

HAPPY: Doing what? We're dealing
with a tsunami here.

I'm not sure.

You're lying.
I can hear it in your voice.

Like when I caught you
ordering that poster

with all the girl superheroes
on it,

and you said it was
for your cousin.

Okay, okay.

I saw Toby and Amy
in a car together,

and I don't know
where they were headed.

Amy?

As in ex-fiancée Amy?

What's he doing with her?

HAPPY: Sly, you better find out
what he's up to.

Don't make me spy on my friend.

HAPPY:
I'm gonna make my foot spy on

the inside of your butt
if you don't.

That's a nice line.
I'm gonna use that.

Okay, I'm searching. Uh...

New England Journal of Medicine
articles.

A coupon for Spam.

What's at 452 San Marino
in Koreatown?

He's taking her to Koreatown?

MAN: That's it.
(players chattering)

SHOOTER:
I want to make some money!

You want to make some money?!
Yes!

Come on! There you go!

There it is, right there.

Here we go.
You ready?

Yeah, yeah.

That was a great bluff
with Rhonda, by the way.

She really bought that
you were leaving.

Well, I learned bluffing
from the best.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. Just saying hi
to an old friend.

Hello, gambling.

CROUPIER:
Place your bets.

Oh, looky here.
All right!

Looks like we got a hot table.

Why don't you give me, um...

Give me $100 on every hard-way.

Money plays.

Smart man, riding my bet.

I'm on fire!
Yeah, looks that way, boss.

(crowd cheering)

CROUPIER: Hard six!
Attafella!

Yeah!

Press it.

Press my bet.

Let me see you do that again.

Buddy, I've been
doing it all night.

(laughs)

(crowd cheering)

Boom!
Boom!

Winner, winner!

Kovelsky dinner!

This feels good.

(ringtone, Happy's voice):
Attaboy. Attaboy.

Attaboy.

Sorry, honey, not right now.

SHOOTER:
You know what?

Double my bet.

I got a horseshoe up my butt;
I'm so lucky.

Technically, what's helping you
isn't what's up your butt.

It's what's
on your neck.

SHOOTER:
What the hell?

Hey, Lugo, this gentleman's
got a little bit of

clear resin on the
back of his neck.

You see, just a dab will do you

if you're looking
to weigh the dice

for snake eyes or
boxcars or really

whatever roll you want.
SHOOTER: No, no, no, no!

Wait. No, wait.

Wait. Ah!

Spotted that 'cause I ran
the same exact scam

on a riverboat casino.

Oh, I recall.

That was the night of
our engagement party.

You missed it.

We should talk to Rhonda.

Okay.

WALTER: Paige, spread it
evenly so it dries faster.

We won't get a
second shot at this.

Right, like our first kiss.

Huh?

I can't believe
you consider the garage kiss

our real first kiss
and the kiss at Kovelsky's

our second crack at it.
Thing is,

when there are two events,

I consider the one
that happened first

the first event, and then
the second one the second event.

I'm weird like that.

The Kovelsky's kiss
was right after you said

you were in love with me, which
makes it our first real kiss.

- Well, not without a time machine.
- You suck.

Just cover the holes.
It's covered.

Okay, great! Happy,
where do you stand?

Right now,
I am pretty anti-Toby.

No! Where do you stand on
patching the reactor core?

Oh. I'm done.

Not a moment too soon.

The helicopter's
on the roof,

but pilot has to take a
longer route to the airport.

Why the change?

Tremors toppled over
the Fuente Roja bridge.

He needs to maneuver
around the ash cloud

that was created
by the collapse.

SYLVESTER:
That bridge

is the only way out of town.

How will the residents evacuate?

They won't.

We'll have to try
to find higher ground.

HAPPY:
We're below sea level.

There's no way to get
10,000 people to safety in time.

MARIA: Authorities are
doing the best they can.

Please. I need to get back
to my family and you need to go.

There is no more
that you can do here.

CABE: We can't just
leave these people

here to die.
Walt, any ideas?

Yes. We're gonna
have to stop it.

Stop what?
Please don't say the tsunami.

Please don't say
the tsunami.

Guys, we're gonna
have to stop the tsunami.

A query, my deary,
but how the hell

are we supposed
to stop a tsunami!?

I read a paper by Dr. Kadri

at Cardiff University
School of Mathematics

that theorized that you could
stop a tsunami

by creating acoustical
gravitational waves

triggered by an
underwater avalanche.

The sound waves would reduce
the amplitude of a tsunami

and redistribute its energy
across a larger space.

So we could save the town,
and thousands of lives.

Walter, I'm the one who
showed you Dr. Kadri's paper.

And it clearly states that
his thesis is only theoretical.

Tell you what isn't theoretical
is the death and destruction

that's gonna hit this town
in 20 minutes.

Walt, can we pull this off?

We have everything
that we need right here.

Sly, pull up
the oceanographic map

of Fuente Roja.
I have a plan.

Roger that.

Maria, you got
to get your family

and head to higher ground ASAP.

Thank you. But what
about Scorpion?

We've been in situations
like this before.

We're professionals.
He's still not picking up.

I am gonna cover him in parsley
and feed him to the snails.

Most of the time.

SYLVESTER: Okay, I got eyes
on the Mexican coastline.

What about it?

WALTER:
Does the Mazatlan Shelf

extend into Fuente Roja?

Yes. It forms an underwater
canyon due west of the bay.

Canyon walls are 40 feet tall.

They're 3.7 meters from the
shoreline by the power plant.

Okay, 40 feet...
that's just high enough.

HAPPY: Oh, I think I know
where you're headed, boss.

We ramp the reactor to full
power, pressurize the core

and heat the water
to highly-pressurized steam.

Correct. Then we release that
steam through the intake pipe

and into the ocean.

SYLVESTER: Creating a bubble
that will collapse

the canyon wall,
causing an underwater avalanche.

Sending acoustical
gravitational waves

straight towards the tsunami
and knock that sucker out.

Two years ago,
we created a tsunami

to reverse the flow of a river.

Now we're creating an avalanche
to kill a tsunami?

Can't say
we're not well-rounded.

Cabe, you and I
will increase the number

of uranium rods necessary

to fully power the reactor.
HAPPY: Paige and I can reverse

the turbine fan so it's blowing
all the air from the reactor

into the core, instead of out,
and it can become pressurized.

And then you'll boil the water
in the core

to create the steam bubble.

And then release it
through the intake pipe

directly at the canyon wall.
Let's get to it.

(quietly): When is
Rhonda coming back?

No idea.

Do you think his knuckles are
raw from beating up the cheater?

It's not from
tenderizing chicken.

Hey, Lugo, how's the family?

Your mom still smoke
those Guatemalan cigars?

Finally. Was getting worried you
were gonna back out on our deal.

I had to make some calls.
So, can you "Help Me, Rhonda"?

That wasn't funny years ago
and it ain't funny now.

Here's where you can find

the guy who has
her paperwork.

And you're not
gonna like it.

Pinto Goochelli?

The guy who locked you
in the car trunk.

Multiple car trunks.
No, no, no.

The Gooch works the East Coast.
What's he doing here?

Franchising.
What the hell do I care?

Oh. And by the way, he's the guy
I sold your bad debt to.

Oh, crap.

(groans) Damn bolts
are old and stripped.

Okay, hold this.

Okay.

Uh, that is good enough to get

to the controls
to reverse the turbine.

Um... that was
pretty impressive.

Yeah? I just imagined
it was Toby's neck.

Happy, Toby loves you.

I don't know what he's doing
at that address with Amy,

but it's not
what you think.

He wouldn't jeopardize
your relationship.

He's trying to have a baby
with you, for Pete's sake.

Okay, here's an idea:
you take that socket wrench,

you head to the beach,
and you loosen the bolt locks

on the intake pipe
release valve.

And I will meet you there
when I am finished here.

You want me gone so you don't
have to talk about something

that's clearly
bothering you.

Right on both counts.

Now beat it.

Fine.

(phone beeps)

(ringtone, Happy's voice):
Attaboy. Attaboy.

Attaboy.
(phone beeps)

You should call her.

That would be
a bad idea.

My Happy isn't always so happy.

You know, with the way
that things ended between us,

I never imagined
you would've

stuck your neck out
like this for me.

The way things ended with us
was completely my fault,

with the gambling and...

getting into trouble
and losing all your money.

You were a mess.

But you turned it around, pal.

Look, I'm-I'm really glad
that, you know, you...

you figured your life out.

Unlike me.
Yeah, I have

a-a failed engagement,
a marriage down the drain.

I'm just...

I'm starting to think
that I'm snakebit, so...

You do know
that that's nonsense, right?

That you're smart and you're
beautiful and you're kind.

You just got engaged
to an addict.

And then you married
Quincy Berkstead,

and he's a schmuck,
so that's on you.

(chuckles)

You know, even in the bad times,
you always made me laugh.

And speaking of bad times,
I still think

that we should call the cops.
Absolutely not.

The Gooch is just gonna deny
having your I.D.,

and then they'll come after us
for being rats.

Okay, but the guy has
his offices in a funeral parlor.

That's unsettling.

The Gooch is
finishing up a call.

He'll be with you
in a couple minutes.

(door closes)

You should get settled.
It's almost showtime.

WALTER:
Okay, all the rods are in place.

Reactor's fully powered.
(alarm buzzes)

Fill the core with water.

(wheel creaks)

(water flowing)

SYLVESTER:
This better work.

NOAA is estimating the tsunami

will hit shore in 11 minutes!

Just about finished the bolt
lock on the intake pipe.

Where's Happy?

Right here!

(grunts)
There.

Okay.

Okay. Uh, the wheel must be
corroded by the salt air.

It's gonna take
both of us

to turn it when it's go time.

WALTER: The steam's building
in the reactor core.

When I say,

turn the valve
and release it into the ocean.

Right, so it creates
a giant bubble that'll

knock down
a giant underwater wall

that'll make giant sound waves

that'll destroy a giant tsunami.

That's the gist of it.

Walter, you better be
right about this.

Well, that depends;
I need to open

two chambers here to release
the steam toward the ocean.

Chamber one has to be opened
before chamber two

or the whole reactor explodes.

Should I do it
in that order, Paige?

What the hell
are you talking about?

Well, according to you,
order of events don't matter.

So if a second kiss
can be a first kiss,

then the second chamber
can be the first chamber.

I might not be able
to identify our first kiss,

but I sure as hell can tell you
when our final kiss was.

It was last night, buddy!

Oh, now you're being childish.

Save the lover's
spat for later.

She's totally wrong.
You're a man.

You should be
on my side.

(rapid beeping)

The core is filled.

Releasing the steam now.

In proper sequential order.

And, Happy,

turn the valve now!

(wheel creaking)

(both grunting)

What the hell?

Where's the steam?

Going through the pipe, right?

No, the PSI gauge is not moving.

WALTER: The steam is
stopped in the pipeline.

There's a blockage.
(rumbling)

Oh, man.
This place is gonna blow.

(rumbling continues)
Not good.

It's a pipe
that only carries steam.

What could possibly
be blocking it?

I bet the earthquake damaged
the interior baffles.

We turn the wheel up here,
but nothing happens in there.

I'm trying to find a backup
override to open it up,

but I'm not finding anything.

What are you doing?

If I don't open those baffles,

the reactor blows,
the tsunami hits,

and the only one
who survives this is Toby.

And that'll really piss me off.

SYLVESTER:
Um...

what about me? I'd survive.

Right. Sly, if I die,

you give Toby a gooty-punch
when you see him.

I'd prefer not.
CABE: Happy, if you go in that pipe

and open up those baffles,
that steam'll cook you alive.

The plant oil dispersant!

If it has the right composition,
it could work.

Okay, it's, uh, silicon-based.

Similar to the compound

stuntmen use for protection
when they get lit on fire.

I can use it.
SYLVESTER: You need to be totally covered.

Any portion of your body
that is exposed will be roasted!

Happy, it's too risky.

We need to find another way.

Too late.

I'm dousing her in
dispersant as we speak.

No, Happy! I'm your boss.

You are my employee, and
I'm telling you not to do this.

Wait until I get there,
and I will go down in the pipe.

Okay? Do you understand?

I understand that you're
on the other side of the plant

and it'll take several minutes

for you to get here
and we don't have time.

Don't worry, boss.

I won't ask for workers' comp.

That's not funny!
The goop will only protect you

for a few seconds down there!

That's all it'll take
for the steam

to blast out of there.
Okay, Happy, close your eyes.

Okay. Ready?

(exhales)

Tell Sylvester not to punch Toby
in the crotch.

Okay.

And tell Toby
that I really did love him.

You tell him yourself.

SYLVESTER: Paige,
you got to close that hatch.

We're down
to our last five minutes.

(pipes creaking, knocking)

SYLVESTER: Happy, according to
the schematics, you should be

coming up on the baffles.

I see 'em!

WALTER: Before you open them, you need
to make sure that your eyes

are closed and you don't breathe
in for at least ten seconds.

The steam will blast
over you incredibly fast.

But if you inhale at all,
you will fry your lungs.

Got it.

Okay. On three.

One,

two,

three!

She did it! Steam's rushing
through the pipe!

Ooh. It's hot as hell.

I can't believe she's in there.

The steam is creating
a giant bubble. Hold on.

Canyon walls are collapsing.

I'm pulling up a reading

on severe acoustical
gravitational waves

headed out towards the tsunami.

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.

No more PSI! Steam's gone!

Happy! Happy!

Oh, God, please answer! Happy!

HAPPY:
Shut your yap!

It echoes in here!

(panting)

Man, I feel like a baked potato.

Are you okay?

I've been better. A little warm.

Walt, is this gonna work?

It better. Or in three minutes,
it's our funeral.

THE GOOCH: So you want
your name back?

Her name, Social Security
number, credit rating--

the whole kit
and caboodle.

Anything else?

Cup of tea?
Sure.

Some cookies?
That sounds lovely.

Foot massage?
You're just being ridiculous.

No, you're being suicidal.

You come here when
you're on the wrong side

of my balance sheet,
and you ask for a favor?

When you should really
be asking for mercy.

Toby, what do I look like?

Jason Statham's uglier brother.

(chuckles)

You have a death wish.

No. I don't.

But I do have something
that you need.

I got a brain that can
profile and can compute

faster than any
gambler you know.

And it's yours if you just give
my friend her paper back.

I don't follow.

I'll break down every
college quarterback

with a drinking problem,

every point guard who's gonna
choke with the game on the line,

every angle that
the linemakers miss but I see.

I'll give it
to you, Gooch.

I'm gonna give you
the inside scoop,

and you will clean up.

If you could still do that,
you'd be doing it.

But from what I hear,

you don't like
the action anymore.

I do. I love it.

I just promised someone
I'd break the habit, but...

things have changed.

What do you say?
We got a deal?

I'm new to town.

I show mercy to a guy who owes,

and I'm a mutt.

So...

I'm just gonna kill you instead.

(voice cracks): Huh?
Grab her.

No. No! Toby? Toby!
No, no, no, no.

Come on, we don't
have to do this.

No. Toby, please...

We're old pals! (screams)

(grunts)

SYLVESTER: Guys, the gravitational wave
will hit the tsunami

in ten seconds; plug your ears!

Why plug our ears?

Because a sonic boom
will follow the wave collision.

At least, I think that's
the order it happens.

Lately, I seem unable
to figure out which comes first.

(groans)
Time to plug my ears.

You just can't stand
to hear the truth.

(deep booming)

Did it work?

There is still a wave
heading towards you.

Theoretically, it should be

less strong and much smaller,
but there's no way to tell

until it's right on top of you.

I think I see a wave
out there heading inland.

Do we run?
There's no point.

And there's no point
in us fighting.

I don't care which
kiss came first.

I just care that we
kissed. I'm sorry.

Me, too.

SYLVESTER:
Guys, heads up.

The wave will grow rapidly

over the last several meters
to shore.

There's our wave.
It's coming in.

Is it growing?

It's a weenie wave.

So that's it?

No. We take the two-hour flight
back to L.A.,

find Toby, and I kick his ass.

Wait, when you were in the pipe,
you said you still loved him.

That's when I thought
I was gonna die.

Now I've got a tracker
on his key chain,

and I don't want
to breach that trust,

but he's forced my hand,
so I'm gonna go hunt him down.

Who'd have thought Toby'd
be the one to die today?

Where the hell is he?
It's been three hours.

He said he had to get
some guys to help.

He'll be here.

If they were gonna kill us, why
don't they just do it already?

I assume they're waiting
to find someone

who can dispose of
a casket and two bodies.

(sighs)
God...

Amy, I am so sorry.

I just keep
messing your life up.

No, you were
trying to help.

I'm the one who got you
trapped in a coffin.

This is a casket.

Coffin's tapered
at the head and the foot.

Really? That's the
last conversation

that you ever
want to have?

Correcting someone's
word choice?

Probably not.
It's just that you...

you don't want to go out
being wrong about...

Why did you do that?

What do you mean?

You told the Gooch that
things had changed.

No, I-I meant that
I had a friend in need,

so I was willing to gamble.

I'm not willing
to gamble my marriage.

Look, I loved
you once, okay?

And I'm scared, and you
tried to help me today,

and it's been a long
time since anyone's done

anything nice for me.
I don't care.

Look, if I only have
a minute to live,

I don't want to spend it
with another woman's lips

on mine; I love Happy.
Shut up. Shh.

I will not shut up.
You made me an adulterer

in my last moments on Earth.
Shut up. I hear something.

Took you long enough.

My cousins were
way up in Ventura.

- You didn't give me advanced notice.
- Whatever.

Here. That is a grand more
than you asked for.

So don't mess this up.
Nice, deep,

and in a plot no one visits, so
nobody notices disturbed soil.

I know just the place.

Get the cargo ready.

All right.

Pull that out.

No!
(gasps) Here we go.

Hey, Curtis.

When I see you
in the next life...

I'm still gonna want my money.

(laughing)

CABE: Freeze!
MAN: Hands up!

Don't move!

Easy.

CABE: There's an open
grave over there!

You move an inch, I'm gonna
fill it with your ass!

(indistinct
police radio chatter)

Happy, you don't know
what you're gonna find in there.

Maybe you should let me.

No, I got it.

Happy?

Jackass.
I see your back's better.

This is not
what it looks like.

Really? It looks like
you're gooty to gooty

with your ex in a coffin.

It's a casket, actually.
A coffin is tapered...

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Look at us.
We may have had

a silly spat today,
but now we are totally in sync.

Absolutely. And if I recall,
NSYNC was the first concert

you went to as a teenager?
Indeed.

And yours was
Mahler's 9th Symphony

played by
the Dublin Philharmonic.

They were resplendent.

Man, we are gonna
wipe the floors

with those saps tonight.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

That we should give them
the desks.

Temporarily, but yes.
They've had a rough day.

Let's give them a win.

I love the way your brain works.

Really?

He signed his name
in gold-flaked ink?

Full name and everything?

Even the "P"?

Don't feel bad, Dyfrost.

It was one autograph
per customer,

and we both know
that J. Randall P. Smythe

does not bend the rules
or make exceptions for anyone.

I guess not even
his biggest fans on Earth.

By Apollo's Healing Hands!

Um...
CABE: Sly.

I think you know
this gentleman.

J. Randall P. Smythe.

I understand

you couldn't make
my book adorning

due to pressing matters?

Uh, I-I had work.

He had to save
some people.

It's something he's done
on numerous occasions.

How are you here?

Well, I, uh, stopped by
the Wizard's Trunk...

Warlock's Chest.

Whatever. On the way back
from the cemetery

to see if I couldn't get
a couple signed copies,

since you missed it,
and Randall here

heard all that you do and
wanted to meet you personally.

But you never sign
after an event.

Unlike the characters that
spring from my mind to page,

you, Sylvester Dodd,

are a true hero.

It's a pleasure to sign for you.

Thank you!

Okay, well,
Randy here's a busy guy,

so we should let him get going.

Good-bye, brave sir.

(sighs)

So are we good now?

I don't need the IRS looking
into my appearance fees.

And they won't be, as long as
you sign my copy, too.

And don't forget the "P."

(door opens, closes)

Here's your coffee.

If you think
coffee can fix this,

you are more delusional
than I thought.

Nothing happened.

Except we kissed-- but she
initiated it, and I stopped it.

And I would never do anything
with her or anyone else,

you got to believe me.

I believe you. I never thought
you were stepping out on me.

Well, Paige said that
you've been pissed all day.

Because I know you used to go
to Koreatown to gamble, stupid.

I have spent years fixing you
from the mess that you were.

And then some chick
from the past gets you to go

to all the backroom games
and loan shark huts

that used to get you
into trouble.

And we both know how bad you can
get when you lose control.

I love you.
We're trying to make a baby.

And I cannot let you
lose control again.

I can't lose you.

I'm sorry I made you worry.

You know, there were temptations
that would've broken other men--

gambling and casket kissing.

Those other men don't have
Happy Quinn to lose, but I do.

I'm never gonna be
a mess again, Happy.

You don't have
to worry about that.

Guys.

We made a decision
about the desks.

No, no, we had a deal.
You can't chicken out

just because you guys
were fighting all day.

We're not chickening out.

(both clucking)

(clucking continues)

You know what, let's
kick their asses.

Absolutely.

Shall we? Hmm.
Yeah.

Mind if we query first?

Well, it makes
no difference.

Paige and I are completely in
sync; no matter what the order

or the question,
we will be victorious.

Fine. Here we go.

"A query, my deary:

Where did you first kiss
your deary?"

- In the garage.
- Kovelsky's.

BOTH:
Damn it.