Scorpion (2014–2018): Season 3, Episode 8 - Sly and the Family Stone - full transcript
The one-year memorial of Megan, lead the team to a explosion. Which could wipe out the entire country.
Previously on Scorpion...
I want to know
who this fella is.
Who the hell are you?
I'm Sylvester.
What kind of man are you?
The kind of man that's been
caring for your daughter.
Cabe, you need
a place to crash
for a couple
weeks, right?
As of now, Happy's apartment
has a vacancy.
I am running for
the 16th district
alderman of West Altadenia
in the local upcoming election.
Mr. O'Brien,
welcome to America.
Happy and I
can get married.
I'm not pregnant.
Caitlin, Megan, Molly,
Cousin Ian,
Uncle Tobin, Uncle Sean,
Great Grandpa Sean,
Sean the third.
There's a familiar sourpuss.
I have all the
names down.
So, I'll know everyone on sight,
so we can dive into this Pattern
Day ceremony without any...
Pesky social awkwardness?
You are brimming
with anxiety.
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
These people are my relations.
By marriage.
They're mine by blood.
And-and trust me,
you're expending
great effort and energy
on people
who may not return the favor.
Blessing Megan's cenotaph
is-is special.
This Pattern Day
i-is important to me.
Not clear why they call it
Pattern Day.
Patterned after what?
Pattern is a corruption
of the word “patron,”
as in “patron saint.”
You could Google it.
I like to practice
my human interaction.
It's a valuable skill.
Blessing a rock
with Megan's name on it--
it's-it's not special.
She's not even there.
She's in space.
A cenotaph
is a lovely remembrance.
It's an honor
to be invited.
I couldn't agree more.
And since Sly's
obviously nervous,
why don't you help him
out a little.
Give him a rundown
of what to expect.
Okay.
So, you can expect my father
to be my father;
my mother, the same;
and then
my Uncle Tobin,
my mother's brother,
he will snort at you
and grumble about the war.
Which war is
anyone's guess.
And then
Thomas and Conner,
my childhood neighbors,
are unlikely
to have changed
from their formative years,
which were
spent perfecting
the wedgie and the... sweaty.
Never heard
of a “sweaty”"
Yeah, you don't want to be
on the receiving end of one.
I will wager that
Tim is the one who's
most likely to be embraced.
Why me?
Because to some,
the ability to lug
multiple grain sacks from
a storm cellar is impressive.
Knowing pi
to the 34th place is not.
You have seen your parents
since Megan died,
and they watched you do
amazing things that day.
Maybe they passed it along
to the family.
Doubtful.
N-Now, I'm busy.
Excuse me.
I am developing
a revolutionary app.
It maps items
in a grocery store
and it cuts down
annual shopping time
by half, so that averages
to 26 hours
a year per adult.
It's efficiency.
Yeah, when I want
something at a grocery store,
I usually just ask someone
who works there.
Yeah, but with this,
you won't have to talk...
to anyone.
Right.
This is what happens
when you don't interact enough.
Is this what you were
referring to
by the psychiatrics
rule of three?
Explain.
Well, when issues arise,
first time it's a concern,
second time it's a problem,
third time it's a pattern.
Walter created
a canoe-shaped hot dog,
a heavy lead hat for children...
My vertebrae
are still throbbing.
...and now software that is
easily outwitted by your average
stock clerk.
So flustered
that Paige chose
a regular guy
that he's trying
to solve regular
guy problems
to prove he's
regular, too,
but he's flailing.
Bad.
He needs to realize
that Tim's not a bad person.
Then maybe he'll relax.
Exactly.
You know,
if Walt actually liked Tim,
saw in him what Paige saw,
he'd realize that
she made the logical choice
and he'd stop trying to win her.
Problem is...
Walter and Tim, they-they
kind of hate each other.
No, no, they don't need
to actually like each other.
They just need to act
like they do,
and the mind'll take care
of the rest.
But how do we get them
to act like friends?
Friends have things in common.
What's the one thing
they both like?
My mom.
Hey, Tim, my mom's worried
without protection
Walter may face further abuse
in Ireland.
Like sweaties.
And you want me to protect him?
It would comfort Mom.
Walter's mental health
is paramount
to a well-functioning
Scorpion.
And no one
will bother him
if he's hanging out
with a Navy SEAL.
That is true.
So, Tim's Homeland
Qualification Exam
is coming up.
And there is a logic and
problem-solving portion.
If he fails, he could get
bounced from Scorpion.
I'm not sure I'd shed a tear.
But Paige would.
I mean, their relationship
will fade over time,
but if it's prematurely
torn in two,
the mind categorizes
it as unrequited.
“What could have bee”"
can just linger forever,
along with a resentment
against you,
if she believes you could've
prevented the heartbreak.
How do I help him out?
Pal around with him in Ireland.
If you see an opportunity
to coach him in logic,
statistics
or efficiency quotients,
answer him like
you're his friend.
Not for him. For Paige.
Time to boogie if we're gonna
make that flight.
Ralph, get your backpack.
We're gonna drop you on the way.
I don't get why I need a sitter.
So you don't blow up
a city block.
You left without
taking this again.
You two enjoy
your chelation treatment.
Yeah, fun. I'm hooked up
to an I.V. draining cadmium
from my body.
I wish I'd never tried
to make those solar panels.
All I got to show for it
is a false pregnancy,
heavy metals
in my blood
and a missed trip to Ireland.
It's bacon, ham
and sausage?
That's a lot of pig.
He makes me one every morning.
It's a heart-attack-wich.
I can't wait for his house
to get fixed up
and he can go home.
Just hanging around him,
I feel like I'm getting older.
This morning, I asked
where my dungarees were.
In a week,
you'll call them slacks.
Cut him loose.
He's been alone for 20 years.
He's desperate for company.
Last night, we played cribbage
until midnight.
My baby's got a heart of gold.
My subclavicular nerve ending.
Just shut up and clean my blood.
Oh, here they are.
All right,
here we are.
Oh, there he is!
Sylvester, wonderful
to see you.
It's been too long.
Too, too long.
What a pleasure, Sean.
And Louise, you're
as beautiful as ever.
Ah, you're the
sweetest boy alive.
He says that to me
every time we video chat.
Walter.
Mother.
Father.
Good to see you.
So, you stay in
touch with them?
Occasionally.
They're family.
Well...
there's a mad bastard
if I've ever seen one.
Oh, here it comes.
“The damned war”"
There's no way
you beat this ancient grenadier
at Words With Friends
unless you cheated.
How else would a man
know how to spell
“opacifying”?
Well, it's easy if you've
memorized the dictionary.
I wished I lived
in West Altadenia.
I'd vote for ya, Alderman.
Thank you.
He's friends with all of them.
He seemed
to, uh, reach out
and make an effort.
Good.
Well, honored
to have you all here.
Enjoy yourselves.
We'll be, uh, we'll be starting
the Pattern Day observance soon.
Sylvester, you might want
to peel away there first
and take a look
at the condensation catcher
we built after
you sent us that article.
What's this?
It's provided the farm
with much needed water.
We're in the middle
of a year-long drought
and now a heat wave.
Absolutely--
which I predicted.
A-And I sent you plans
for a condensation catcher
three years ago.
Did you?
Well.
Come on, Sylvester.
It's just around here.
Around here.
Nothing has changed.
Ah! Wally, old boy.
Listen, we've got a real
head-scratcher here for you.
Paige, this is, uh,
Thomas and Connor.
They were my neighbors.
I'm sorry, fellas,
it's been a long flight.
Just a quick one.
What's eight million
times eight million?
64 trillion.
The walking brain
does it again!
And what about the platonic
number for antonium?
There's no such
thing as antonium.
There's antimony
and actinium,
and they're not platonic
numbers, they're atomic.
“Platonic” means it's friendly.
You calling your old pal
an idiot?
Why don't you just
answer the question.
You're walking
into their trap.
I'll answer your questions
if you answer
mine first.
So, if Thomas can pick up 20
pounds of potatoes an hour,
then how many hours
will it take
before he's passed out
at the Duke Pub?
He's the same arrogant jerk
as when he was nine.
Come on.
Walter...
Hey, you know what, I, uh...
I'll go talk to him.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh. Okay.
Yeah, that'd be great.
You're pretty good at that.
Conservation of momentum
dictates that as the stone
enters the water
and pushes it downwards,
the stone is forced upwards.
Huh.
I come here to get away from
problems like Thomas and Connor.
That's why I'm so good at this.
I get what you're
dealing with.
I've got experience
with bullying myself.
Really?
Absolutely.
People have a tendency
to fall into old patterns
when they go home.
Look, I'll tell you what,
the rest of this trip,
I'll get your back.
It might force, uh,
Thomas and Connor
to give you a little
bit of space.
Walter, hey, what...
what are you staring at?
Dead fish.
They old friends of yours
or something?
That was a joke.
No, there are a number
of dead fish,
and the water's bubbling
there and there.
Does it seem cooler
by the lake than normal?
CO2's coming off the lake.
Walter.
Hey!
For our new friends,
it's tradition
that the procession
carries the statue
of St. Charles of Mount Argus
from the church to the cemetery,
where we honor the dead.
And where we'll dedicate
Megan's cenotaph.
The procession adds
parishioners as it passes by,
and it'll be coming
around to us soon, so...
if you could all
get ready to leave.
Have some soda bread
before we hit the path.
Father Paul is
a lovely man,
but he'll talk
your ears off,
and I don't want you
to starve.
Everyone, stop!
What? What's wrong?
The lake's about to explode.
That's a new one.
What are you
saying, Walter?
The top water layer
is so hot,
and the bottom layer
is so much cooler
that carbon dioxide
is collecting
at dangerous levels
at the bed of the lake.
It's like a...
a shaken can of soda.
So if anything
disrupts the lake--
a motor, a landslide,
heavy rain--
then the gas will rush
to the top,
and the lake will explode.
And that will send out
a deadly cloud
of carbon dioxide
the size of a football field.
So anyone in its path could die,
could be knocked unconscious,
could suffer
severe brain damage.
Is that like the size
of an American football field,
or like a proper...
proper football pitch?
Hold on. Hold on.
When is this happening?
I can't be exactly certain,
but soon.
More or less certain
than the time you said
the village would be
struck by an asteroid?
An asteroid did strike,
just in Perth.
He also swore up and down
about an earthquake.
That happened, too.
In Sri Lanka.
I was ten.
My calculations were off.
They're not off now.
Well, then I guess
we're all gonna be
having a drink with
Davy Jones, aren't we?
I'm trying to save your lives.
I'll stop the lake
from erupting without you.
This is good soda bread.
♪ Scorpion 3x08 ♪
Sly and the Family Stone
Original Air Date on Novembe
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Holy crap!
You have to see this.
This is a lake in Tanzania.
That's gonna happen here?
That's what Walter says.
Map of the town!
All right.
So, we have to tackle this
from two angles.
The first, alleviating the
pressure of the carbon dioxide
at the bottom of the lake.
Second, preparing for
the possibility
that we fail; but to do that,
I will need wind speed
and direction.
Sure hope this first grade
science project saves us.
Readings from your
party cup wind meter.
30 rotations
over 15 seconds.
Approximate wind velocity:
eight miles an hour.
Approximate wind direction:
southwest.
Okay, then this would be
the path of a deadly CO2 cloud
within ten minutes of eruption,
and intersecting with
the Pattern Day procession
at Finn's Ravine.
This would kill everyone.
Paige, Sly,
get to that procession.
The one where
you just said
everyone could die?
You need to convince them all to
direct the route further north.
What if they don't listen to us?
They didn't listen to you.
They've taken a shine to you.
Now, remember,
they don't believe that
the lake's about to explode,
so tell them something good.
Oh, boy.
So that leaves us
to find a way
to off-gas the lake.
We're all ears, Walt.
We need a giant straw
to suck the carbon dioxide
from the bottom of the lake.
Steel piping do it? There's
a plumber's truck back there.
Thomas and Connor's.
That will work.
On it.
Okay, Cabe,
you need to find a boat
to haul it to the center
of the lake-- and no engines.
A propeller could
disrupt the CO2 layer
and cause an eruption.
Good to know.
Sorry, fellas.
Okay.
Condensation catcher.
This was my idea.
What's the scoop, kitten?
It's 4:30.
I am on Cabe time,
so I can't sleep past 4:00.
Silver lining is that
I get a lot of work done,
including finalizing
my divorce.
Really?
Which means we can
get married ASAP.
I've already booked an
appointment at the courthouse,
so by nightfall, we will be
woman and husband.
Wow, that's, uh...
Wow!
This is Dr. Curtis. Speak.
Toby, a heat wave has prevented
the carbon dioxide from
turning over in nearby
Clementine Lake.
Now, it's about to erupt,
and I need Happy's help
in building a system
to off-gas the lake
and prevent limnic eruption.
Who is this?
Toby, I need... I need
weather satellite temperatures
of this lake immediately.
So your family trip's going
kind of how you imagined.
Not now!
Okay, piping is
all connected. What's next?
We need something for ballast
while we bolt down
the engineering.
How 'bout an inner tube?
That's a great idea.
Nice, Tim.
Sounds like you boys are
getting on like gangbusters.
We're fine. Happy?
Now you need a valve
to modulate
the amount of carbon dioxide
saturated water
you pull to the surface.
Too little, and the lake
will still erupt.
Too much, and you'll cause
an eruption.
Give me the pipe specs.
Uh, generic steel piping.
12 inches in diameter,
about 60 feet in length.
You need fishing line that
runs the length of the pipe
tied to something that will
act as a flapper valve.
Uh... toilet seat?
It'll do.
I'm in the Irish
national weather satellite.
I'm assuming red thermal imaging
for lake temps is bad?
Very.
That thing's a powder keg
waiting for you
to light the fuse.
Cabe, where are you
with that boat?
On my way.
The only boat I could get
is a little slow.
Father, I just feel
that a different path
would be so poignant
considering
how important today is.
Listen, son,
I've told you once,
I'm not changing
tradition.
Especially not for some
American's first Pattern Day.
Now, get in line.
How'd it go?
The priest hates me.
Then go over his head.
Talk to the crowd.
I can't. I have anxiety
about addressing crowds.
How do you expect
to run for public office
if you can't
address a crowd?
Think of it this way.
Saving everyone's life here
will be good practice for
saving your comic book store.
Excuse me,
everybody, please.
Wait.
Attention. Everybody...
Attention, Irish friends.
First of all,
thank you all so much
for letting me be a part
of today's beautiful ceremonies.
Now, I know
this is against tradition,
but I was wondering if,
instead of going
down through the ravine,
we could change directions
and go north,
towards Megan's
elementary school?
She was so fond of it,
and I would like
to learn and see as much as
I can of her before I leave.
We follow the path
we've walked for generations.
Now, get back in line and...
Respectfully, Father,
he's Megan's husband.
And he was there for her
when she needed him.
And the least we can do is
go a bit out of our way.
Well, that's
a bloody good one.
Bloody Americans.
That was easy.
All you had
to do was lie
and be emotionally
manipulative.
You're a natural
politician.
All right, guys,
I got your cell GPS signal
layered over
the satellite image.
I can track your progress.
We'll give you the heads up
when you're in the zone
to lower the pressure pipe.
Left, right, left, right,
left, right...
You see, Tim, synchronization
is the key to efficiency.
It's worth remembering.
Yeah. Thanks.
Hey, since we
have a minute,
Paige's job is to keep us
emotionally on track,
and our commitment to each
other is a real testament
to her hard work.
If she wasn't invited
to the wedding,
she might feel slighted.
Postpones us a day,
but whatever.
And if Paige is coming,
we could have a jealousy
issue unless we invite
Sly, Walt, Cabe, Ralph.
If they want to schlep
to the courthouse, fine.
And if they're coming,
then we should...
Guys! You're in the hot zone.
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Tim, what are you doing?!
What? She said
we were in the zone.
The hot zone, not the drop zone.
Well, in the military,
“in the hot zone” means go time.
We're not
in the military,
we're in a lake
with a swan boat.
Not good.
Okay, since the pipe
is impossible to retrieve,
efficiency dictates
that we start our work now.
The water should
be deep enough
that our plan will still work.
Now that our
straw's in place,
we need to create suction.
To do that, we first
have to deflate the bladder.
How do we do that?
Jump on it.
Okay.
Don't feel bad, son.
Her soda bread
gets to everyone.
All right,
off the bladder.
Now we wait?
The bladder will draw the CO2
rich water up through the pipe.
The pressure of the gas below
will keep it flowing,
like a geyser.
And redistribute
the gas-pressurized water
so the lake won't explode.
Exactly.
Should be very soon.
It better be.
If somehow, I'm actually wrong,
like I was with the asteroid
and the earthquake...
You were just a kid.
Wish we'd dropped the device
in the proper part of the lake.
- Walt.
- Come on, give me a break.
All day long,
all you've been talking about
is problem solving
and efficiency.
I was just trying
to be efficient.
This is the last time
I do you a favor.
Go ahead and fail
your Homeland exam.
What Homeland exam?
Guys! Focus on the plan.
Toby told me to help you
with a non-existent test?
Ralph asked me to pal around
with you in Ireland.
It was a little Parent Trapping.
Trying to create
some peace in the garage.
Why in the hell would you think
that I need help
with problem solving
and efficiency anyway?
I've built bridges over ravines
in Kandahar in the middle
of a battle zone.
I'm a trained SEAL.
And yet you believed some,
what, half-baked lie from Toby?
That's how little
you think of me?
I guess so.
But since
we were both duped,
perhaps this could be a detente
to the sniping.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
A little dishonesty
never killed anyone.
We will discuss this, Toby.
Yes, we will.
Uh, guys,
is this a good or a bad thing?
Yeah, it's good, it's good.
We've built a highway
to allow the water
from deeper part of the lake
to get to the top.
Guys, don't break out the cigars
just yet.
I'm getting temp readings
showing the hot zone
getting hotter, not cooler.
My bet, you're drawing
carbon dioxide
out of the lake too fast,
and it's exciting
the rest of the gas pool.
You need to slow the water
or the lake will explode.
That's why you put in
the flapper valve.
Pull it!
Shutting the flapper valve.
Come on!
The valve's stuck!
Shut the valve, Walt.
I think we're looking
at a major problem!
It's gone slack!
Come on!
Seaweed.
This would not
have been an issue
if we were at the deeper
part of the lake.
Come on, give me a break!
And that's the end
of our peaceful garage.
It's gonna be the end
of more than that
if we don't get
the hell out of here!
Oh, boy.
- Everybody in one piece?
- Yeah.
Ah, there goes my deposit.
Guys, what I just heard
over my comms
did not sound good.
Is there a deadly
cloud in the air?
Not one that we can see.
Carbon dioxide is invisible
to the naked eye.
You need thermal imaging.
Happy?
It is not good.
We are looking at the Godzilla
of gas clouds.
But it's not heading
towards you, Walter.
Wind direction has shifted
from west to northeast.
I put them in harm's way.
They would have been safe
in Finn's Ravine.
Yeah, it's heading
right for the cemetery.
You mean the cemetery
we're about to go into?
This cemetery?
How long do we have?
15 minutes, unless the wind
picks up, which it may.
Do you guys have
any good news?
Yeah, if you die,
you'll be conveniently located.
Get everyone
the hell out of there!
Pardon me, Father?
Sylvester Dodd, hi.
We'll drive to you now
to evacuate the infirm,
but we have to get the rest
of the town to run south.
We'll be there
as soon as we can,
but we have to drive
around the cloud.
Getting you a route now.
Why not drive through it,
hold our breath?
There's a SEAL
technique where...
The van's engine would choke
on the carbon dioxide.
It would seep in
and we'd choke, too.
Okay, I'm just
throwing out ideas.
If I need something heavy moved,
you're our guy.
Now can you get me a bottle,
some tubing and a funnel?
You know what, Walter?
Hey, hey, hey...
it's all right.
So because of this deadly cloud,
we need to evacuate the cemetery
immediately.
Because the lake exploded?
Wish I could
have seen that.
It would certainly make
this story easier to believe.
Listen, we need to go south,
like, ten minutes ago.
Everybody, come on.
Come on.
You guys, you need to
take this more seriously.
Like when we redirected
from Finn's Ravine.
But that was you asking, dear.
This is from Walter,
and his theories are so...
you know.
I haven't missed
a Pattern Day in my life,
and I'm not starting today.
We've got people
to pay our respects to,
like Megan.
But do you understand
you will asphyxiate and die?
Next year,
I will be spending Pattern Day
for all of you,
if you do not follow me!
Yeah. Let's go.
Pardon me. Pardon me.
That's our van.
What the hell's he done to it?
I will kill the brainiac.
Oh, great, you're
still here.
As I suspected.
Walter,
all we can see
are bright red roses
against a crystal blue sky.
So can we drop all this nonsense
about a cloud
and pay our respects
to your sister?
If she were here,
she would listen to me
and she'd want me to
do everything that I can
to save this town!
Save them from what?
Is that a Molotov cocktail?
Have you gone insane?
The land's a tinder box
from the drought.
You'll burn down the village!
The carbon dioxide will
disperse the oxygen
and extinguish the flame,
proving that it exists!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Our family land!
You'll scorch it to ashes!
Okay, kid.
When's the cloud gonna
put out the flame?
Well, it should have
already by now.
Walter, what
do we do now?
You pompous son of a bitch,
I'm gonna leave you here
with the rest of the dead!
Hey, hey, hey...
Hey, hey, look!
Look, look!
It's starting to peter out.
We need to start evacuating.
Walt, it's too late.
The wind picked up
and the cloud is now covering
the only road leading
to and from the cemetery.
If you go to it,
you will choke and die.
Let's just run
as fast as we can
in the opposite direction.
Come on!
We can't.
Cemetery backs up to a quarry.
It's a dead end.
There's no escape.
Keep moving! We've created, at
best, a 1,200-yard head start.
Which, by my calculations,
gives us five minutes
until the cloud
is upon us!
They're exhausted. I don't
think they can keep going.
Even if they could,
it wouldn't matter.
Okay, so if we can't
run from the cloud,
then we have to neutralize it.
If only we had magnesium.
That would react
with the carbon dioxide
and turn it into oxygen.
Guessing we'll need more
than the magnesium
in my chewable vitamins.
Bright red roses.
Father, do you put
Epsom salts in the soil?
Of course. It makes for larger
blossoms and brighter colors.
I'm guessing Epsom salts
are made of magnesium?
Magnesium sulfide.
I have several bags
in the shed.
Lead the way, Padre!
Walter, new problem: based
on the size of the cloud,
we need at least 100 pounds
of Epsom salts,
and then we need to deliver it
to the center of the cloud.
If we hit the edge,
the carbon dioxide will
just roll over it, unaffected.
I know we can't run
the Epsom salts
into a cloud,
but can we just hold our breath
and-and run it in?
Unless you're Oskar Svendsen,
Norwegian wunderkind
cyclist, no bueno.
It's impossible
based on your VO2 max,
your volume of max oxygen.
No one can hold their breath
long enough because
of the energy required to carry
100 pounds of Epsom salts.
Then take this.
Can you and your friends use
my tank to save the village?
Are you having me on?
You will die without that.
Better me than the village.
That would work, Walter.
It's not ideal.
No, there-there has
to be a better way.
Are you serious?
You're gonna take
this man's oxygen
for another one
of your crazy ideas?
How would you propose that
we get the salt there, Thomas?
- Do you have any notions?
- Actually, I got an idea.
Tim, please,
I'm trying to think.
Walter, you need
something heavy moved.
Tim's expertise,
remember?
During Navy SEAL training,
they taught us a technique
to hold our breath.
Intentionally hyperventilate,
then take a breath
of pure oxygen.
So you flush out
the CO2 in your body
and then you preload it
with unconverted oxygen.
Yeah. End result being
you can hold your breath
for minutes longer.
After the initial breath,
you won't need
Uncle Tobin's oxygen tank.
Guys, I hate to rain
on your parade,
but a few additional minutes
isn't gonna be enough time
for you to deliver 100 pounds
of Epsom salts
to the center
of the cloud and get back.
It's a one-way trip, Timbo.
Not if we split
the burden.
I'm going with you.
I just did the math.
It could work.
Okay. I'll get us set up.
Good, 'cause the cloud
is now entering
the cemetery,
and I don't think it's there
to pay its respects.
I don't want to be back
here next Pattern Day
to remember
another child.
Come back safe.
Thank you.
Follow my lead.
Be careful.
Mm, mm, mm.
That's it.
You're at the center
of the cloud.
You're in the zone.
Is it supposed
to take so long?
Uh, I don't think
any of us have a clue
how long this is
supposed to take.
What was that?!
It's the CO2 reacting
with the magnesium.
They gonna be okay?
That's another thing we
really don't have a clue about.
Guys, I think it worked!
Where's my boy?
Thanks be a million!
He did it!
Hey.
Way to go, Walter!
Well done, boyo. Well done.
Aw, looks like you're
a big hero now, eh, Walter?
Oh, I'm not a hero, but I'm glad
everything worked out.
Oh, right.
Well, I guess a stopped clock
can be right twice a day, eh?
Take the high
road, Walter.
You know, I will
take the high road, because
you two will have to live
the rest of your lives knowing
that the kid that you used
to torment saved you.
- Oh!
- Remind me
to explain to you what
taking the high road means.
Pally,
for your trip back to America,
take this souvenir.
Hey!
What the hell was that?
That guy mouthed off.
You've had experience
with bullies.
How do you get them to stop
picking on you?
Walter, I was the bully.
What?
Look, I was a punk kid.
Okay? The only thing that
finally got me to stop
was getting my ass kicked.
So, go in there
and kick his ass.
All right, Thomas.
I suppose it's come to this.
We are gonna have
a proper fight now, Walter.
And see this?
This is a beating
you've been begging for
- for years.
- No.
Not on Pattern Day.
Dad, you don't need
to protect me.
This is something
that I need to do.
Do we really have
to watch this?
Think we do.
Look, aim for the liver.
Hit him there, he goes down.
Don't forget the plums.
That always works.
No.
Walt's gonna fight square.
Listen,
be patient, watch
his right shoulder.
When it moves,
duck under his hook,
punch him in the liver.
Okay. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about his left?
That's a jab, that's
not gonna hurt.
Not gonna hurt?
Just a jab, it's just a jab.
That sounds like
someone slapping meat.
The left does hurt.
All right,
stick with the plan.
Yeah!
Brains and brawn!
Hey!
Come on.
Enough!
You should all be ashamed!
We all loved her.
We have common ground.
Just not enough
to bridge the gap.
Yeah. We have to maintain
relationships
or they disappear.
I'll stop trying
to make you feel dumb.
And we will stop trying
to make you feel weak.
Maybe next time,
we can all be a bit
nicer to one another.
Next time.
Safe travels, son.
Safe travels.
Thanks to you both.
It was a beautiful ceremony.
Video chat,
Saturday night at 8:00?
Absolutely.
As always.
Father.
Okay, then.
I'm proud of
what you did today, son.
Stopping the cloud or the fight?
Both.
I promise to stay
in better touch from now on.
Okay.
Ready to go?
Yeah.
I am really gonna miss Ireland.
Yeah.
Maybe I will, too.
Where'd you get that?
In one of the boxes
Cabe was storing here.
He looks like an extra
in Dragnet.
I was thinking,
a rushed wedding--
that might not be
the best move for us.
You sending me a signal?
I said my divorce
was finalized
and you said “meh”.
And then you postponed
the wedding
by upping the
guest list 4,000%.
Now, what gives?
You don't want to
marry me anymore?
Happy, Happy.
I still want to marry you,
more than ever.
I just want a huge wedding.
When I was a kid,
I was actually a loser.
I never dreamed
I'd marry a babe like you. I...
It's the greatest
accomplishment of my life.
I just...
I want everyone to know it.
So you want to show me off
like a piece of meat?
Exactly. There's dozens
of people in Brooklyn
that need some comeuppance.
It's just really not my style.
I know.
We're back.
Exhausted.
Toby, I bought you
a new Irish tweed hat,
but I'm too tired
to unpack it.
Tim, can I talk to you
for a second?
You were a real credit
to the team today.
I learned I can
be an ass, and...
I'll try not to be one
in the future.
Wow, Walter, um...
Thank you.
Sure.
And now I have to go study
for my Homeland exam.
Thank you, Walter.
Hey, what's this doing out?
I haven't
looked at this in years.
Toby found it.
Think he was looking
for wedding ideas.
We really went for it.
We got the big room
in the VFW.
Doing the limbo.
My Aunt Angie, she baked,
uh, rainbow cookies.
This was a great a day.
Looks like a happy memory.
It was the happiest day
of my life.
We going home soon, roomie?
I got you something.
Meat?
It's gammon.
That's a traditional
Irish cut of pork.
I'll fry it up for dinner?
Give me an hour to finish
the chelation treatment.
Okay.
See you soon.
You're a softy.
Be glad I am,
because that is why
you are getting
your big wedding.
Really?
If that grump
can smile at his wedding,
maybe this grump can, too.
Ah...
Walter.
Mm-hmm?
What's this?
Uncle Tobin told me
about the village tradition
of taking a stone
from the bottom of the lake
and giving it to
a family member. It's, uh,
supposed to symbolize that
you'd go to the depths for them.
I remember
the tradition.
Megan brought you and I together
and made us brothers.
But that's not
the end of it.
Toby, Happy,
Cabe, Paige, Ralph,
e-even Tim.
They're our family.
Blood doesn't make family.
Love makes family.
Anyway...
Tobin told me nobody ever
gave you a stone from the lake.
Sly, you're my family.
Even if you hadn't
have married my sister.
In all honesty, I didn't
get the stone from the lake.
I got it from the shore.
It's the thought that counts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was a lot of algae
and bacteria
by the shore, so I-I actually
got it from your
parents' driveway.
I got it from
outside the garage.
I was worried about
taking a stone
through customs.
It still means a lot.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
I want to know
who this fella is.
Who the hell are you?
I'm Sylvester.
What kind of man are you?
The kind of man that's been
caring for your daughter.
Cabe, you need
a place to crash
for a couple
weeks, right?
As of now, Happy's apartment
has a vacancy.
I am running for
the 16th district
alderman of West Altadenia
in the local upcoming election.
Mr. O'Brien,
welcome to America.
Happy and I
can get married.
I'm not pregnant.
Caitlin, Megan, Molly,
Cousin Ian,
Uncle Tobin, Uncle Sean,
Great Grandpa Sean,
Sean the third.
There's a familiar sourpuss.
I have all the
names down.
So, I'll know everyone on sight,
so we can dive into this Pattern
Day ceremony without any...
Pesky social awkwardness?
You are brimming
with anxiety.
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
These people are my relations.
By marriage.
They're mine by blood.
And-and trust me,
you're expending
great effort and energy
on people
who may not return the favor.
Blessing Megan's cenotaph
is-is special.
This Pattern Day
i-is important to me.
Not clear why they call it
Pattern Day.
Patterned after what?
Pattern is a corruption
of the word “patron,”
as in “patron saint.”
You could Google it.
I like to practice
my human interaction.
It's a valuable skill.
Blessing a rock
with Megan's name on it--
it's-it's not special.
She's not even there.
She's in space.
A cenotaph
is a lovely remembrance.
It's an honor
to be invited.
I couldn't agree more.
And since Sly's
obviously nervous,
why don't you help him
out a little.
Give him a rundown
of what to expect.
Okay.
So, you can expect my father
to be my father;
my mother, the same;
and then
my Uncle Tobin,
my mother's brother,
he will snort at you
and grumble about the war.
Which war is
anyone's guess.
And then
Thomas and Conner,
my childhood neighbors,
are unlikely
to have changed
from their formative years,
which were
spent perfecting
the wedgie and the... sweaty.
Never heard
of a “sweaty”"
Yeah, you don't want to be
on the receiving end of one.
I will wager that
Tim is the one who's
most likely to be embraced.
Why me?
Because to some,
the ability to lug
multiple grain sacks from
a storm cellar is impressive.
Knowing pi
to the 34th place is not.
You have seen your parents
since Megan died,
and they watched you do
amazing things that day.
Maybe they passed it along
to the family.
Doubtful.
N-Now, I'm busy.
Excuse me.
I am developing
a revolutionary app.
It maps items
in a grocery store
and it cuts down
annual shopping time
by half, so that averages
to 26 hours
a year per adult.
It's efficiency.
Yeah, when I want
something at a grocery store,
I usually just ask someone
who works there.
Yeah, but with this,
you won't have to talk...
to anyone.
Right.
This is what happens
when you don't interact enough.
Is this what you were
referring to
by the psychiatrics
rule of three?
Explain.
Well, when issues arise,
first time it's a concern,
second time it's a problem,
third time it's a pattern.
Walter created
a canoe-shaped hot dog,
a heavy lead hat for children...
My vertebrae
are still throbbing.
...and now software that is
easily outwitted by your average
stock clerk.
So flustered
that Paige chose
a regular guy
that he's trying
to solve regular
guy problems
to prove he's
regular, too,
but he's flailing.
Bad.
He needs to realize
that Tim's not a bad person.
Then maybe he'll relax.
Exactly.
You know,
if Walt actually liked Tim,
saw in him what Paige saw,
he'd realize that
she made the logical choice
and he'd stop trying to win her.
Problem is...
Walter and Tim, they-they
kind of hate each other.
No, no, they don't need
to actually like each other.
They just need to act
like they do,
and the mind'll take care
of the rest.
But how do we get them
to act like friends?
Friends have things in common.
What's the one thing
they both like?
My mom.
Hey, Tim, my mom's worried
without protection
Walter may face further abuse
in Ireland.
Like sweaties.
And you want me to protect him?
It would comfort Mom.
Walter's mental health
is paramount
to a well-functioning
Scorpion.
And no one
will bother him
if he's hanging out
with a Navy SEAL.
That is true.
So, Tim's Homeland
Qualification Exam
is coming up.
And there is a logic and
problem-solving portion.
If he fails, he could get
bounced from Scorpion.
I'm not sure I'd shed a tear.
But Paige would.
I mean, their relationship
will fade over time,
but if it's prematurely
torn in two,
the mind categorizes
it as unrequited.
“What could have bee”"
can just linger forever,
along with a resentment
against you,
if she believes you could've
prevented the heartbreak.
How do I help him out?
Pal around with him in Ireland.
If you see an opportunity
to coach him in logic,
statistics
or efficiency quotients,
answer him like
you're his friend.
Not for him. For Paige.
Time to boogie if we're gonna
make that flight.
Ralph, get your backpack.
We're gonna drop you on the way.
I don't get why I need a sitter.
So you don't blow up
a city block.
You left without
taking this again.
You two enjoy
your chelation treatment.
Yeah, fun. I'm hooked up
to an I.V. draining cadmium
from my body.
I wish I'd never tried
to make those solar panels.
All I got to show for it
is a false pregnancy,
heavy metals
in my blood
and a missed trip to Ireland.
It's bacon, ham
and sausage?
That's a lot of pig.
He makes me one every morning.
It's a heart-attack-wich.
I can't wait for his house
to get fixed up
and he can go home.
Just hanging around him,
I feel like I'm getting older.
This morning, I asked
where my dungarees were.
In a week,
you'll call them slacks.
Cut him loose.
He's been alone for 20 years.
He's desperate for company.
Last night, we played cribbage
until midnight.
My baby's got a heart of gold.
My subclavicular nerve ending.
Just shut up and clean my blood.
Oh, here they are.
All right,
here we are.
Oh, there he is!
Sylvester, wonderful
to see you.
It's been too long.
Too, too long.
What a pleasure, Sean.
And Louise, you're
as beautiful as ever.
Ah, you're the
sweetest boy alive.
He says that to me
every time we video chat.
Walter.
Mother.
Father.
Good to see you.
So, you stay in
touch with them?
Occasionally.
They're family.
Well...
there's a mad bastard
if I've ever seen one.
Oh, here it comes.
“The damned war”"
There's no way
you beat this ancient grenadier
at Words With Friends
unless you cheated.
How else would a man
know how to spell
“opacifying”?
Well, it's easy if you've
memorized the dictionary.
I wished I lived
in West Altadenia.
I'd vote for ya, Alderman.
Thank you.
He's friends with all of them.
He seemed
to, uh, reach out
and make an effort.
Good.
Well, honored
to have you all here.
Enjoy yourselves.
We'll be, uh, we'll be starting
the Pattern Day observance soon.
Sylvester, you might want
to peel away there first
and take a look
at the condensation catcher
we built after
you sent us that article.
What's this?
It's provided the farm
with much needed water.
We're in the middle
of a year-long drought
and now a heat wave.
Absolutely--
which I predicted.
A-And I sent you plans
for a condensation catcher
three years ago.
Did you?
Well.
Come on, Sylvester.
It's just around here.
Around here.
Nothing has changed.
Ah! Wally, old boy.
Listen, we've got a real
head-scratcher here for you.
Paige, this is, uh,
Thomas and Connor.
They were my neighbors.
I'm sorry, fellas,
it's been a long flight.
Just a quick one.
What's eight million
times eight million?
64 trillion.
The walking brain
does it again!
And what about the platonic
number for antonium?
There's no such
thing as antonium.
There's antimony
and actinium,
and they're not platonic
numbers, they're atomic.
“Platonic” means it's friendly.
You calling your old pal
an idiot?
Why don't you just
answer the question.
You're walking
into their trap.
I'll answer your questions
if you answer
mine first.
So, if Thomas can pick up 20
pounds of potatoes an hour,
then how many hours
will it take
before he's passed out
at the Duke Pub?
He's the same arrogant jerk
as when he was nine.
Come on.
Walter...
Hey, you know what, I, uh...
I'll go talk to him.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh. Okay.
Yeah, that'd be great.
You're pretty good at that.
Conservation of momentum
dictates that as the stone
enters the water
and pushes it downwards,
the stone is forced upwards.
Huh.
I come here to get away from
problems like Thomas and Connor.
That's why I'm so good at this.
I get what you're
dealing with.
I've got experience
with bullying myself.
Really?
Absolutely.
People have a tendency
to fall into old patterns
when they go home.
Look, I'll tell you what,
the rest of this trip,
I'll get your back.
It might force, uh,
Thomas and Connor
to give you a little
bit of space.
Walter, hey, what...
what are you staring at?
Dead fish.
They old friends of yours
or something?
That was a joke.
No, there are a number
of dead fish,
and the water's bubbling
there and there.
Does it seem cooler
by the lake than normal?
CO2's coming off the lake.
Walter.
Hey!
For our new friends,
it's tradition
that the procession
carries the statue
of St. Charles of Mount Argus
from the church to the cemetery,
where we honor the dead.
And where we'll dedicate
Megan's cenotaph.
The procession adds
parishioners as it passes by,
and it'll be coming
around to us soon, so...
if you could all
get ready to leave.
Have some soda bread
before we hit the path.
Father Paul is
a lovely man,
but he'll talk
your ears off,
and I don't want you
to starve.
Everyone, stop!
What? What's wrong?
The lake's about to explode.
That's a new one.
What are you
saying, Walter?
The top water layer
is so hot,
and the bottom layer
is so much cooler
that carbon dioxide
is collecting
at dangerous levels
at the bed of the lake.
It's like a...
a shaken can of soda.
So if anything
disrupts the lake--
a motor, a landslide,
heavy rain--
then the gas will rush
to the top,
and the lake will explode.
And that will send out
a deadly cloud
of carbon dioxide
the size of a football field.
So anyone in its path could die,
could be knocked unconscious,
could suffer
severe brain damage.
Is that like the size
of an American football field,
or like a proper...
proper football pitch?
Hold on. Hold on.
When is this happening?
I can't be exactly certain,
but soon.
More or less certain
than the time you said
the village would be
struck by an asteroid?
An asteroid did strike,
just in Perth.
He also swore up and down
about an earthquake.
That happened, too.
In Sri Lanka.
I was ten.
My calculations were off.
They're not off now.
Well, then I guess
we're all gonna be
having a drink with
Davy Jones, aren't we?
I'm trying to save your lives.
I'll stop the lake
from erupting without you.
This is good soda bread.
♪ Scorpion 3x08 ♪
Sly and the Family Stone
Original Air Date on Novembe
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Holy crap!
You have to see this.
This is a lake in Tanzania.
That's gonna happen here?
That's what Walter says.
Map of the town!
All right.
So, we have to tackle this
from two angles.
The first, alleviating the
pressure of the carbon dioxide
at the bottom of the lake.
Second, preparing for
the possibility
that we fail; but to do that,
I will need wind speed
and direction.
Sure hope this first grade
science project saves us.
Readings from your
party cup wind meter.
30 rotations
over 15 seconds.
Approximate wind velocity:
eight miles an hour.
Approximate wind direction:
southwest.
Okay, then this would be
the path of a deadly CO2 cloud
within ten minutes of eruption,
and intersecting with
the Pattern Day procession
at Finn's Ravine.
This would kill everyone.
Paige, Sly,
get to that procession.
The one where
you just said
everyone could die?
You need to convince them all to
direct the route further north.
What if they don't listen to us?
They didn't listen to you.
They've taken a shine to you.
Now, remember,
they don't believe that
the lake's about to explode,
so tell them something good.
Oh, boy.
So that leaves us
to find a way
to off-gas the lake.
We're all ears, Walt.
We need a giant straw
to suck the carbon dioxide
from the bottom of the lake.
Steel piping do it? There's
a plumber's truck back there.
Thomas and Connor's.
That will work.
On it.
Okay, Cabe,
you need to find a boat
to haul it to the center
of the lake-- and no engines.
A propeller could
disrupt the CO2 layer
and cause an eruption.
Good to know.
Sorry, fellas.
Okay.
Condensation catcher.
This was my idea.
What's the scoop, kitten?
It's 4:30.
I am on Cabe time,
so I can't sleep past 4:00.
Silver lining is that
I get a lot of work done,
including finalizing
my divorce.
Really?
Which means we can
get married ASAP.
I've already booked an
appointment at the courthouse,
so by nightfall, we will be
woman and husband.
Wow, that's, uh...
Wow!
This is Dr. Curtis. Speak.
Toby, a heat wave has prevented
the carbon dioxide from
turning over in nearby
Clementine Lake.
Now, it's about to erupt,
and I need Happy's help
in building a system
to off-gas the lake
and prevent limnic eruption.
Who is this?
Toby, I need... I need
weather satellite temperatures
of this lake immediately.
So your family trip's going
kind of how you imagined.
Not now!
Okay, piping is
all connected. What's next?
We need something for ballast
while we bolt down
the engineering.
How 'bout an inner tube?
That's a great idea.
Nice, Tim.
Sounds like you boys are
getting on like gangbusters.
We're fine. Happy?
Now you need a valve
to modulate
the amount of carbon dioxide
saturated water
you pull to the surface.
Too little, and the lake
will still erupt.
Too much, and you'll cause
an eruption.
Give me the pipe specs.
Uh, generic steel piping.
12 inches in diameter,
about 60 feet in length.
You need fishing line that
runs the length of the pipe
tied to something that will
act as a flapper valve.
Uh... toilet seat?
It'll do.
I'm in the Irish
national weather satellite.
I'm assuming red thermal imaging
for lake temps is bad?
Very.
That thing's a powder keg
waiting for you
to light the fuse.
Cabe, where are you
with that boat?
On my way.
The only boat I could get
is a little slow.
Father, I just feel
that a different path
would be so poignant
considering
how important today is.
Listen, son,
I've told you once,
I'm not changing
tradition.
Especially not for some
American's first Pattern Day.
Now, get in line.
How'd it go?
The priest hates me.
Then go over his head.
Talk to the crowd.
I can't. I have anxiety
about addressing crowds.
How do you expect
to run for public office
if you can't
address a crowd?
Think of it this way.
Saving everyone's life here
will be good practice for
saving your comic book store.
Excuse me,
everybody, please.
Wait.
Attention. Everybody...
Attention, Irish friends.
First of all,
thank you all so much
for letting me be a part
of today's beautiful ceremonies.
Now, I know
this is against tradition,
but I was wondering if,
instead of going
down through the ravine,
we could change directions
and go north,
towards Megan's
elementary school?
She was so fond of it,
and I would like
to learn and see as much as
I can of her before I leave.
We follow the path
we've walked for generations.
Now, get back in line and...
Respectfully, Father,
he's Megan's husband.
And he was there for her
when she needed him.
And the least we can do is
go a bit out of our way.
Well, that's
a bloody good one.
Bloody Americans.
That was easy.
All you had
to do was lie
and be emotionally
manipulative.
You're a natural
politician.
All right, guys,
I got your cell GPS signal
layered over
the satellite image.
I can track your progress.
We'll give you the heads up
when you're in the zone
to lower the pressure pipe.
Left, right, left, right,
left, right...
You see, Tim, synchronization
is the key to efficiency.
It's worth remembering.
Yeah. Thanks.
Hey, since we
have a minute,
Paige's job is to keep us
emotionally on track,
and our commitment to each
other is a real testament
to her hard work.
If she wasn't invited
to the wedding,
she might feel slighted.
Postpones us a day,
but whatever.
And if Paige is coming,
we could have a jealousy
issue unless we invite
Sly, Walt, Cabe, Ralph.
If they want to schlep
to the courthouse, fine.
And if they're coming,
then we should...
Guys! You're in the hot zone.
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Tim, what are you doing?!
What? She said
we were in the zone.
The hot zone, not the drop zone.
Well, in the military,
“in the hot zone” means go time.
We're not
in the military,
we're in a lake
with a swan boat.
Not good.
Okay, since the pipe
is impossible to retrieve,
efficiency dictates
that we start our work now.
The water should
be deep enough
that our plan will still work.
Now that our
straw's in place,
we need to create suction.
To do that, we first
have to deflate the bladder.
How do we do that?
Jump on it.
Okay.
Don't feel bad, son.
Her soda bread
gets to everyone.
All right,
off the bladder.
Now we wait?
The bladder will draw the CO2
rich water up through the pipe.
The pressure of the gas below
will keep it flowing,
like a geyser.
And redistribute
the gas-pressurized water
so the lake won't explode.
Exactly.
Should be very soon.
It better be.
If somehow, I'm actually wrong,
like I was with the asteroid
and the earthquake...
You were just a kid.
Wish we'd dropped the device
in the proper part of the lake.
- Walt.
- Come on, give me a break.
All day long,
all you've been talking about
is problem solving
and efficiency.
I was just trying
to be efficient.
This is the last time
I do you a favor.
Go ahead and fail
your Homeland exam.
What Homeland exam?
Guys! Focus on the plan.
Toby told me to help you
with a non-existent test?
Ralph asked me to pal around
with you in Ireland.
It was a little Parent Trapping.
Trying to create
some peace in the garage.
Why in the hell would you think
that I need help
with problem solving
and efficiency anyway?
I've built bridges over ravines
in Kandahar in the middle
of a battle zone.
I'm a trained SEAL.
And yet you believed some,
what, half-baked lie from Toby?
That's how little
you think of me?
I guess so.
But since
we were both duped,
perhaps this could be a detente
to the sniping.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
A little dishonesty
never killed anyone.
We will discuss this, Toby.
Yes, we will.
Uh, guys,
is this a good or a bad thing?
Yeah, it's good, it's good.
We've built a highway
to allow the water
from deeper part of the lake
to get to the top.
Guys, don't break out the cigars
just yet.
I'm getting temp readings
showing the hot zone
getting hotter, not cooler.
My bet, you're drawing
carbon dioxide
out of the lake too fast,
and it's exciting
the rest of the gas pool.
You need to slow the water
or the lake will explode.
That's why you put in
the flapper valve.
Pull it!
Shutting the flapper valve.
Come on!
The valve's stuck!
Shut the valve, Walt.
I think we're looking
at a major problem!
It's gone slack!
Come on!
Seaweed.
This would not
have been an issue
if we were at the deeper
part of the lake.
Come on, give me a break!
And that's the end
of our peaceful garage.
It's gonna be the end
of more than that
if we don't get
the hell out of here!
Oh, boy.
- Everybody in one piece?
- Yeah.
Ah, there goes my deposit.
Guys, what I just heard
over my comms
did not sound good.
Is there a deadly
cloud in the air?
Not one that we can see.
Carbon dioxide is invisible
to the naked eye.
You need thermal imaging.
Happy?
It is not good.
We are looking at the Godzilla
of gas clouds.
But it's not heading
towards you, Walter.
Wind direction has shifted
from west to northeast.
I put them in harm's way.
They would have been safe
in Finn's Ravine.
Yeah, it's heading
right for the cemetery.
You mean the cemetery
we're about to go into?
This cemetery?
How long do we have?
15 minutes, unless the wind
picks up, which it may.
Do you guys have
any good news?
Yeah, if you die,
you'll be conveniently located.
Get everyone
the hell out of there!
Pardon me, Father?
Sylvester Dodd, hi.
We'll drive to you now
to evacuate the infirm,
but we have to get the rest
of the town to run south.
We'll be there
as soon as we can,
but we have to drive
around the cloud.
Getting you a route now.
Why not drive through it,
hold our breath?
There's a SEAL
technique where...
The van's engine would choke
on the carbon dioxide.
It would seep in
and we'd choke, too.
Okay, I'm just
throwing out ideas.
If I need something heavy moved,
you're our guy.
Now can you get me a bottle,
some tubing and a funnel?
You know what, Walter?
Hey, hey, hey...
it's all right.
So because of this deadly cloud,
we need to evacuate the cemetery
immediately.
Because the lake exploded?
Wish I could
have seen that.
It would certainly make
this story easier to believe.
Listen, we need to go south,
like, ten minutes ago.
Everybody, come on.
Come on.
You guys, you need to
take this more seriously.
Like when we redirected
from Finn's Ravine.
But that was you asking, dear.
This is from Walter,
and his theories are so...
you know.
I haven't missed
a Pattern Day in my life,
and I'm not starting today.
We've got people
to pay our respects to,
like Megan.
But do you understand
you will asphyxiate and die?
Next year,
I will be spending Pattern Day
for all of you,
if you do not follow me!
Yeah. Let's go.
Pardon me. Pardon me.
That's our van.
What the hell's he done to it?
I will kill the brainiac.
Oh, great, you're
still here.
As I suspected.
Walter,
all we can see
are bright red roses
against a crystal blue sky.
So can we drop all this nonsense
about a cloud
and pay our respects
to your sister?
If she were here,
she would listen to me
and she'd want me to
do everything that I can
to save this town!
Save them from what?
Is that a Molotov cocktail?
Have you gone insane?
The land's a tinder box
from the drought.
You'll burn down the village!
The carbon dioxide will
disperse the oxygen
and extinguish the flame,
proving that it exists!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Our family land!
You'll scorch it to ashes!
Okay, kid.
When's the cloud gonna
put out the flame?
Well, it should have
already by now.
Walter, what
do we do now?
You pompous son of a bitch,
I'm gonna leave you here
with the rest of the dead!
Hey, hey, hey...
Hey, hey, look!
Look, look!
It's starting to peter out.
We need to start evacuating.
Walt, it's too late.
The wind picked up
and the cloud is now covering
the only road leading
to and from the cemetery.
If you go to it,
you will choke and die.
Let's just run
as fast as we can
in the opposite direction.
Come on!
We can't.
Cemetery backs up to a quarry.
It's a dead end.
There's no escape.
Keep moving! We've created, at
best, a 1,200-yard head start.
Which, by my calculations,
gives us five minutes
until the cloud
is upon us!
They're exhausted. I don't
think they can keep going.
Even if they could,
it wouldn't matter.
Okay, so if we can't
run from the cloud,
then we have to neutralize it.
If only we had magnesium.
That would react
with the carbon dioxide
and turn it into oxygen.
Guessing we'll need more
than the magnesium
in my chewable vitamins.
Bright red roses.
Father, do you put
Epsom salts in the soil?
Of course. It makes for larger
blossoms and brighter colors.
I'm guessing Epsom salts
are made of magnesium?
Magnesium sulfide.
I have several bags
in the shed.
Lead the way, Padre!
Walter, new problem: based
on the size of the cloud,
we need at least 100 pounds
of Epsom salts,
and then we need to deliver it
to the center of the cloud.
If we hit the edge,
the carbon dioxide will
just roll over it, unaffected.
I know we can't run
the Epsom salts
into a cloud,
but can we just hold our breath
and-and run it in?
Unless you're Oskar Svendsen,
Norwegian wunderkind
cyclist, no bueno.
It's impossible
based on your VO2 max,
your volume of max oxygen.
No one can hold their breath
long enough because
of the energy required to carry
100 pounds of Epsom salts.
Then take this.
Can you and your friends use
my tank to save the village?
Are you having me on?
You will die without that.
Better me than the village.
That would work, Walter.
It's not ideal.
No, there-there has
to be a better way.
Are you serious?
You're gonna take
this man's oxygen
for another one
of your crazy ideas?
How would you propose that
we get the salt there, Thomas?
- Do you have any notions?
- Actually, I got an idea.
Tim, please,
I'm trying to think.
Walter, you need
something heavy moved.
Tim's expertise,
remember?
During Navy SEAL training,
they taught us a technique
to hold our breath.
Intentionally hyperventilate,
then take a breath
of pure oxygen.
So you flush out
the CO2 in your body
and then you preload it
with unconverted oxygen.
Yeah. End result being
you can hold your breath
for minutes longer.
After the initial breath,
you won't need
Uncle Tobin's oxygen tank.
Guys, I hate to rain
on your parade,
but a few additional minutes
isn't gonna be enough time
for you to deliver 100 pounds
of Epsom salts
to the center
of the cloud and get back.
It's a one-way trip, Timbo.
Not if we split
the burden.
I'm going with you.
I just did the math.
It could work.
Okay. I'll get us set up.
Good, 'cause the cloud
is now entering
the cemetery,
and I don't think it's there
to pay its respects.
I don't want to be back
here next Pattern Day
to remember
another child.
Come back safe.
Thank you.
Follow my lead.
Be careful.
Mm, mm, mm.
That's it.
You're at the center
of the cloud.
You're in the zone.
Is it supposed
to take so long?
Uh, I don't think
any of us have a clue
how long this is
supposed to take.
What was that?!
It's the CO2 reacting
with the magnesium.
They gonna be okay?
That's another thing we
really don't have a clue about.
Guys, I think it worked!
Where's my boy?
Thanks be a million!
He did it!
Hey.
Way to go, Walter!
Well done, boyo. Well done.
Aw, looks like you're
a big hero now, eh, Walter?
Oh, I'm not a hero, but I'm glad
everything worked out.
Oh, right.
Well, I guess a stopped clock
can be right twice a day, eh?
Take the high
road, Walter.
You know, I will
take the high road, because
you two will have to live
the rest of your lives knowing
that the kid that you used
to torment saved you.
- Oh!
- Remind me
to explain to you what
taking the high road means.
Pally,
for your trip back to America,
take this souvenir.
Hey!
What the hell was that?
That guy mouthed off.
You've had experience
with bullies.
How do you get them to stop
picking on you?
Walter, I was the bully.
What?
Look, I was a punk kid.
Okay? The only thing that
finally got me to stop
was getting my ass kicked.
So, go in there
and kick his ass.
All right, Thomas.
I suppose it's come to this.
We are gonna have
a proper fight now, Walter.
And see this?
This is a beating
you've been begging for
- for years.
- No.
Not on Pattern Day.
Dad, you don't need
to protect me.
This is something
that I need to do.
Do we really have
to watch this?
Think we do.
Look, aim for the liver.
Hit him there, he goes down.
Don't forget the plums.
That always works.
No.
Walt's gonna fight square.
Listen,
be patient, watch
his right shoulder.
When it moves,
duck under his hook,
punch him in the liver.
Okay. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about his left?
That's a jab, that's
not gonna hurt.
Not gonna hurt?
Just a jab, it's just a jab.
That sounds like
someone slapping meat.
The left does hurt.
All right,
stick with the plan.
Yeah!
Brains and brawn!
Hey!
Come on.
Enough!
You should all be ashamed!
We all loved her.
We have common ground.
Just not enough
to bridge the gap.
Yeah. We have to maintain
relationships
or they disappear.
I'll stop trying
to make you feel dumb.
And we will stop trying
to make you feel weak.
Maybe next time,
we can all be a bit
nicer to one another.
Next time.
Safe travels, son.
Safe travels.
Thanks to you both.
It was a beautiful ceremony.
Video chat,
Saturday night at 8:00?
Absolutely.
As always.
Father.
Okay, then.
I'm proud of
what you did today, son.
Stopping the cloud or the fight?
Both.
I promise to stay
in better touch from now on.
Okay.
Ready to go?
Yeah.
I am really gonna miss Ireland.
Yeah.
Maybe I will, too.
Where'd you get that?
In one of the boxes
Cabe was storing here.
He looks like an extra
in Dragnet.
I was thinking,
a rushed wedding--
that might not be
the best move for us.
You sending me a signal?
I said my divorce
was finalized
and you said “meh”.
And then you postponed
the wedding
by upping the
guest list 4,000%.
Now, what gives?
You don't want to
marry me anymore?
Happy, Happy.
I still want to marry you,
more than ever.
I just want a huge wedding.
When I was a kid,
I was actually a loser.
I never dreamed
I'd marry a babe like you. I...
It's the greatest
accomplishment of my life.
I just...
I want everyone to know it.
So you want to show me off
like a piece of meat?
Exactly. There's dozens
of people in Brooklyn
that need some comeuppance.
It's just really not my style.
I know.
We're back.
Exhausted.
Toby, I bought you
a new Irish tweed hat,
but I'm too tired
to unpack it.
Tim, can I talk to you
for a second?
You were a real credit
to the team today.
I learned I can
be an ass, and...
I'll try not to be one
in the future.
Wow, Walter, um...
Thank you.
Sure.
And now I have to go study
for my Homeland exam.
Thank you, Walter.
Hey, what's this doing out?
I haven't
looked at this in years.
Toby found it.
Think he was looking
for wedding ideas.
We really went for it.
We got the big room
in the VFW.
Doing the limbo.
My Aunt Angie, she baked,
uh, rainbow cookies.
This was a great a day.
Looks like a happy memory.
It was the happiest day
of my life.
We going home soon, roomie?
I got you something.
Meat?
It's gammon.
That's a traditional
Irish cut of pork.
I'll fry it up for dinner?
Give me an hour to finish
the chelation treatment.
Okay.
See you soon.
You're a softy.
Be glad I am,
because that is why
you are getting
your big wedding.
Really?
If that grump
can smile at his wedding,
maybe this grump can, too.
Ah...
Walter.
Mm-hmm?
What's this?
Uncle Tobin told me
about the village tradition
of taking a stone
from the bottom of the lake
and giving it to
a family member. It's, uh,
supposed to symbolize that
you'd go to the depths for them.
I remember
the tradition.
Megan brought you and I together
and made us brothers.
But that's not
the end of it.
Toby, Happy,
Cabe, Paige, Ralph,
e-even Tim.
They're our family.
Blood doesn't make family.
Love makes family.
Anyway...
Tobin told me nobody ever
gave you a stone from the lake.
Sly, you're my family.
Even if you hadn't
have married my sister.
In all honesty, I didn't
get the stone from the lake.
I got it from the shore.
It's the thought that counts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was a lot of algae
and bacteria
by the shore, so I-I actually
got it from your
parents' driveway.
I got it from
outside the garage.
I was worried about
taking a stone
through customs.
It still means a lot.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man