Schitt's Creek (2015–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Gesture - full transcript

And, there she is!

Hot off the presses!

Alexis Rose.

Why is there a line through it?

Oh, toner must be low.

This certificate reminds me
of the one you were awarded

for getting your braces off.

Now that was a grand day.

Yes, except my orthodontist
had a slightly better printer.

I'm sorry, did David spend
four months earning a degree?

Alexis, we're equally
proud of you, dear.



Let's see what this says, Alexis?

Elmdale College, Alexis Rose,

majoring in Marketing and...

Looks like a bit of a typo.

- Pubic relations.
- What?

- No.
- Oh my god, give me that!

No, honey, obviously it's
a bit a of a misprint.

Is it though, do you think?

David, do not diminish your
sister's accomplishments.

She didn't do anything to your

I wanted to frame this!
- Hmm.

It looks good!

Oh no...

So you're wearing a leather sweater,



in the dead of summer.

You look good.
- Thank you.

You look ready.

I am.

You know what you're gonna say?

I'm gonna walk in,

and I am gonna tell him that I am,

ready to get back together.

Well, that's what you said
you were gonna say to him

two days ago, and yet, here we are.

Okay, I just wanted to make
sure that I was ready, ready.

You know, for-for both of our sakes?

Mm hmm. That's a nice bracelet.

- Did you get that from Patrick?
- I might have.

So you waiting a full
week to forgive him

has nothing to do with the
fact that he showered you

with gifts and attention every day.

That is purely coincidental!

I was just working up the strength,

to be able to put our differences aside,

for the future of our relationship.

Well, I know I lot of people
who are gonna be very excited

that you guys have worked things out.

Well, that is very touching.

I'm glad that we have
everyone's support.

Yeah, I think it's that, uh,

and I think it's the fact that

you've been a smidge
needy this past week?

- Hmm.
- Maybe needy's the wrong word.

- Hmm.
- Clingy?

I see. Well I'm glad
everyone's gonna be able

to sleep soundly tonight,

because I am going to do this.

Good luck.

Thank you.

And I have missed him a lot.

And I am very excited to
not, not be with him anymore.

I know.

You sure you don't wanna
wait another day, though?

I mean you never know what
could show up on your doorstep.

I don't like what you're insinuating.

That said, if a package does
arrive, please keep it safe.

Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

Oh, always. Just not now.

Council is about to decide which bid

will be awarded the first-ever

district-wide Arts and Culture Grant.

I know. Which is why I
wanted to give you this.

And what, pray tell, might
this collection of words be?

As of today, feel free to
refer to me as Alexis Rose,

Founder and CEO of Alexis
Rose Communications.

Alexis, that's wonderful!

This is my first business proposal.

I'm throwing my hat in the ring
for the Arts and Culture Grant.

Wow! Now, don't get me wrong,

there is no High-Street beret

that I would rather
have thrown in my ring,

but, I have a funny feeling

Council already has its favourite.

Okay, well I wish I knew it was rigged

before I worked so hard on it.

Oh, very well, Alexis, let's
hear your elevator pitch.

But bear in mind, I have to
get off on the next floor.

Okay, um, it's a singles
night at the café.

And the goal is, um,

to get people from nearby
communities together,

for like romance and nibblies.

And hire some staff, and dating experts,

and make a whole night of it.

Darling, I realize the pickings are slim

in this rural spanandry,

but you can't ask Council
to misuse public funds

just so that you can find
yourself a new boy toy.

Excuse me, this has
nothing to do with the fact

that I'm single.

The singles market is very lucrative.

Did you know, that there's
a small town in Ireland

that hosts a singles week every year,

and it's become so popular,

that they're able to subsidize
their entirely yearly budget,

just on profits?

It's a valiant first
effort, Alexis, it is.

But darling, do keep
those wheels turning!

As the Irish like to say,

it's a cinch to mash the
Murphy where there's love.

Ugh!

Morning.

Uh oh, looks like something
showed up for you this morning.

O-Kay? Who's it from?

Well, there might be a hint in the card.

Congratulations, Employee of the Month?

Since when has this been a thing?

Well, this is the second month.

I won it last month,
took myself out for lunch.

I'm kidding. It's a little
incentive for a job well done.

Oh, I mean, wouldn't
wanna be ungrateful.

Uh... this seems like...

some makeup?

It's like a briefcase full of makeup.

Yeah, only the best.

And you thought of this for me because?

Because you deserve it.

I see.

Well, I'm gonna save this
for a special occasion.

No, no, no, it's for everyday use.

It's what the woman
in the store told me.

Thanks.

Stevie?

Aren't you forgetting something?

Uh, I just...

just don't know how to thank you.

Oh, that smile on your
face is all I need.

Hi.

Hi.

So, after some time alone,

I just wanted to come here,

and tell you, that I...

David, I need to apologize to you.

I was going to sleep
last night and I realized

I have not been
respectful of your space.

All of the texts, and the gifts.

Uh, I was upset, and it was reactionary,

and I thought I was
doing the right thing,

but really all I was
doing was smothering you,

when you had asked for
space, and that's not right.

Okay, well smothering's a bit intense.

It was self-serving,
and it was desperate,

and, and I'm... I'm embarrassed.

Okay, there's no need
to feel embarrassed.

Well, I am. I've just been
trying to deal with everything

here at the store, and
I think you're right.

It's probably better if we
just focus on the business,

and, and not try to push anything.

I'm not sure I said that.

You didn't have to.

In fact, by saying nothing at all,

you... you spoke volumes.

Okay, s... so you would like
to focus on the store, then?

I think that's probably a good idea.

But hey, it's good to have you back.

Oh. Hmm.

Okay. Mm hmm.

So uh...

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and file

Ray's Ham and Clam Bake
in the t'won't happen pile.

Hmm. After a glud of unasinous
ideas put forth today,

the room is suddenly
bombilating with anticipation.

Can we feel that?

It's almost as though
we're building towards

some sort of inevitable climax.

All right, well, we have one here

called Untitled Moira Rose Project.

I'd like us all to close our eyes,

and picture 3 to 5... hundred acres

of carefully-manicured lawn.

Accessorized with sculptures
from some of the world's

most-significant cultural contributors.

On your left, a whimsical
gestalt by David Von Schlegell.

On your right, a playful
abstract by Isamu Noguchi.

Dead ahead, your senses
have just been affronted

by a Magdalena Abakanowicz.

Now, imagine an even more
splendacious art park,

in your very own backyard!

Council, I humbly present Rosewood.

Uh...

yeah, I gotta say,

you're not gonna find a
bigger Noguchi-head than me,

but I think I speak for
everyone here when I say,

good luck on getting your
mitts on a Von Schlegell!

Am I right, guys?

I think we need to be more realistic

about what we can pull off.

And who's to say what we can pull off?

I recently heard of a
small town in Scotland,

no bigger than a thimble,

that is making millions from
a week-long singles fest.

Now, if an idea as
simple as that can work

for a people as infamously
disorganized as the Scotch,

surely we can aspire to
something of equal scale.

Now there's an idea.

Thank you! Ronnie's
on board with Rosewood.

No, I'm not! I like the singles fest.

No, no, that was merely an example

of how Rosewood would
similarly put us on the map.

Moira, let's stuff Rosewood
in a drawer for right now.

I like this singles idea.

- No.
- Single people is what this town needs!

Loose wallets, loose inhibitions,

everything's just really loose.

I vote for singles week.

All in favour of singles week?

Aye!

Okay.

By all means, feel
free to use the printer

- whenever you like.
- Thank you.

Just um, receipt for
business cards that I ordered.

Hmm.

And a few pages of temporary letterhead.

And um, a list of Buzzfeed's
most motivational quotes

for girl bosses under 30.

I'm gonna do something uncharacteristic,

and ask your advice.

Is there something off
about the way that I look?

Did someone mention the posture thing?

- What?
- What is the utility shirts?

No.

No, okay, um, well you
should probably just go ahead

and tell me what you meant then.

Yeah.

Um, so your Dad got me
a suitcase of makeup.

No, no.

Hmm.

And he suggested that
I wear it every day.

So, I'm having a really hard time

not taking that personally.

Here's the thing you
should know about my Dad,

sweetest little guy,
gives the worst gifts.

Okay, well that makes
me feel a little better.

Like he built David a basketball court

for his Bar Mitzvah.

- Oh boy, okay.
- Mm hmm.

And unfortunately, the only way
to like, train it out of him,

is to show him just
how wrong the gift is.

Like, David forced us to
watch him shoot at a basket

for 10 minutes, until
the ball hit the rim,

and then bounced back in his face.

But it actually worked out perfectly,

because all David really
wanted for his Bar Mitzvah,

was a nose job.

They took the court down the next day.

Huh.

Oh, and also, he gave me
a diamond tennis bracelet

for my Sweet 16.

- That's bad.
- I know.

You know what, I'm probably
good to finish this up,

- Okay.
- ... if you wanna go for lunch.

- What?
- I don't know, you tell me.

I just did. I'm happy to
finish doing the creams,

I... I don't think
it's a two-person job.

Okay, so you're just gonna stay here

and not have lunch then,
or are we going in shifts?

I don't know, David,

I'm just trying to be
professional here, okay?

Think this is gonna take
a minute to get used to.

I don't want to get used to this!

I don't wanna pretend
like we're co-workers.

We are co-workers.

Okay, I just liked it better
when we were more than that.

David, I'm just trying to
go off of what you wanted.

You wouldn't let me finish
telling you what I wanted!

I was ready to get
back together days ago!

- What?
- Yes.

Then why didn't we?

I've never been in
this situation before.

Where someone's been so nice... to me.

And generous.

I'm sorry, were you holding
back on talking to me

because you were getting gifts?

I was very upset, and confused.

So upset, that I barely
finished the chocolates.

David, this wasn't meant to be some

Advent calendar of apologies,

it was like an olive branch
to get you to talk to me.

I just, I guess, didn't know,

how many olive branches you
were planning on extending.

- Ideally, one!
- Okay, well now I know.

Yeah, and now I know, that
while I was torturing myself,

you were sitting at
home, just opening gifts.

- I see you like the bracelet.
- Love the bracelet, thank you.

Um, does this mean
that we... are back... ?

You know what, I feel like now

maybe I deserve an olive branch, or two?

Okay, I understand that.

What if... I gave you back
some of the olive branches

that you gave to me?

I was lying about the
chocolates, I ate them all.

But I'm sure there are some
flowers that are still alive.

- You know what I'm gonna do?
- Mmhmm?

I'm gonna go to lunch,
and you're gonna sit here,

and think about what you've done.

Okay. Okay.

Um, while you're at lunch,
can you get me some lunch?

Unbelievable.

Stevie?

Where's my Employee of the Month?

What's up?

Wow! Look at you!

Yeah, used some of
that makeup you gave me.

- Oh, is that what it is?
- Mmhmm.

Ah, I thought it was the shoes.

You know, something about
this feels really right.

Hmm.

I can't believe that
I didn't think to buy

all this for myself!

So, I'm happy to man the
desk for you this afternoon,

if you've got stuff to do.

Oh, no, no, I... I
can keep working here.

No, Mr. Rose, I insist.

I feel like I'm long
overdue for some quality,

like, face time with the guests.

Oh, okay, well if that's what you feel.

You know what the great
thing about this is?

Right after work, I
can do go a quick shift

over at Bazonga's Gentleman's Lounge.

All right, I'm getting the hint.

Hint? What hint?

Look, Stevie, I'm not necessarily known

for my gift-giving skills,

but Arlene down at the store said

this is what all the young
locals are buying, and I...

No, I really appreciate the gift,

but let's just agree that going forward,

we don't need gifts to express
our mutual appreciation.

Understood.

Well, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna step outside.

I'm getting flashbacks of
David attempting a 3-pointer.

Ooh.

Alexis?

Oh, there you are!

What a delightful little home office

you've created for yourself.

Thank you.

Succulents, and all!

You might be interested to know

that Council has made a decision.

So they chose your idea, then?

I wouldn't let them have it.

Not until they accepted my demand,

which was to employ
the services of the CEO

and Founder of Alexis Rose
- whatever you called it-

as part of my advisory team.

- What?
- Hmm.

Really?

Okay, I'm shocked. Thank you!

No, Alexis, thank you!

Okay, so what's the project?

Hmm, well we landed
on a one-of-a-kind

event to celebrate and... congregate

those who happen to be unattached, uh,

in the hopes of facilitating
interpersonal connections.

Sorry, so like, a singles event, then?

That word is now considered derogatory.

I believe they prefer to
be called independents.

So you stole my idea,
took it to Council,

and claimed it as your own?

Alexis, now is not the
time for pettifogging!

Ugh!

Singles Week just
happened to be the idea

that received a lot of traction.

Singles Week?

I was pitching a Singles Night.

No. No, no, no,

you specifically referenced
a small shire in Scotland...

Ireland!

... that had a very lucrative
week-long singles event.

No, that is where I got
the idea for singles night.

I was proposing like, a
matchmaking event at the café.

Well then, I took your
little germ of an idea,

and I fertilized it to fruition.

Okay, okay, I literally
started my company today.

Do you know how much
work this is gonna be?

Okay, we will be Co-Chairs,

and I will be charging
Council my full fee.

Starting to get keyed
up about this prospect

of a mother-daughter power team.

Modern day Judy and Lorna.

I don't know who that is.

Oh my god.

Okay, David, well I'm
gonna go to dinner,

and if you wanted to
join me, and pay for it,

that could be a start.

Yeah, maybe I could do that.

Uh, I just think I have
something to do first, so...

What is this?

Consider this my olive branch.

♪♪♪

♪ I call you when I need
you, my heart's on fire ♪

♪♪♪

♪ You come to me, come
to me wild and wired ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Oh, you come to me

♪ Give me everything I need ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Give me a life time of promises ♪

♪ And a world of dreams ♪

♪♪♪

♪ You speak the language of love ♪

♪ Like you know what it means ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Mm, and it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Take my heart and
make it strong, baby ♪

You know people can see you, right?

♪ You're simply the best ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Better than all the rest ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Better than anyone ♪

♪ Anyone I ever met ♪

♪ Ooh I'm stuck on your heart ♪

♪♪♪

♪ I hang on every word you say ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Oh, tear us apart, no, no, no ♪

♪ Baby, I would rather be dead ♪

♪ Each time you leave me
I start losing control ♪

♪ You're walking away
with my heart and my soul ♪

♪ I can feel you
even when I'm alone ♪

♪ Oh, baby, don't let go ♪

♪♪♪