Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 4, Episode 4 - No Thanks for the Memories - full transcript

A desperate would-be defector is put in trouble because of his mind and politics get in the way of saving his life.

Did you ever compare
an American candy bar...

to a Soviet Zota fudge
log, or a Pulzati toffee brick?

There is no
comparison, none at all.

Here you have got real
chocolate, honest to God nougat...

Cripes, Zhmed, you
are driving me up a wall.

It's no wonder they eat
over 10,000 tons a year.

Oh, look, you will
find this interesting.

The classic Baby Ruth was not named after
the American baseball player Babe Ruth.

Most people think so.

In fact, it was named after
the American president...

Grover Cleveland's
daughter, Ruth.

- Now, what is so interesting about...
- Shut up.

You have not stopped
yammering since we left Canada.

They were right
about your memory.

Your mind is one gigantic
junk pile of American trash.

I know. Everything goes
in, nothing ever comes out.

English. You speak English.

No Russian ever,
not even in your sleep.

Never forget that
you are working.

If he hears one syllable of Russian
while we are working in the field...

Tolst will tear your
tongue out. I mean it.

Okay, but my English is lousy.

Who's ever going to
believe I'm from Finland?

It's nuts.

Did you know that 12.2 percent
Americans speak a second language?

And of those that do...

Zhmed, do it. Just do it, and
don't start yapping those numbers...

Watch it!

- Don't worry, I'll call an ambulance.
- The driver, I think, is bad.

Do you live around
here? Can I call someone?

Here are my papers.

Hi. LEE: Hi.

I was just leaving you a note.

- I gotta cancel lunch again.
- Again?

Yeah, I'm sorry, it's work.

That is the third
time this week.

Oh, I know. I wish I didn't
have to, but Beaman called.

He wants me to check that possible
bogus passport the Finns called about.

The man's in the hospital.

- It's my first Class C interrogation.
- Mm-hm.

Now, a Class C interrogation
is a soft interrogation.

Lots of hand-holding,

Maybe we can make up for
lost time by practicing on me.

- I don't think you need any practice.
- Ha-ha.

- Amanda, I don't see you enough.
- I'm sorry, but it's work.

Now, you know when we're at work,
we have to behave like we're at work.

- Mm-hm.
- Somebody could walk in any minute.

How very, very practical of you.

Except, when we are not at work,
we are not together enough to suit me.

How about dinner
tomorrow at my place?

You don't have any
food at your place.


Once we have Looking Glass
safely inside Cuban air space...

America's strategic command and
control system will be knocked out.

It'll be months before they
can repair the shambles.

No kidding.

But getting your hands on Air Force
documents is risky. Too many problems.

I never think in terms of
problems, only solutions.

Enter Zhmed Doorlof,
my ace in the hole.

His mind is all I need.

Don't try and con us, Tolst. Your
plan, down the tubes before it starts.

Your memory whiz, your "ace in the hole,"
is a patient in an Arlington hospital...

and your driver
is dead. Forget it.

No one ever tells me when
my operations are working.

Believe me, we don't
have a thing to worry about.

Maverick would know what
to do with KGB. I wish I did.

Good morning, Mr. Strengell.

I'm Amanda King from
the, uh, Ladies Auxiliary.

Mr. Strengell?

I'm Eric Strengell of
Helsinki, Finland. Hello.

Yes, I know. And I'm Amanda
King with the Ladies Auxiliary.

Now, it's my job to
make sure that you're as

comfortable as possible
while you're here.

So if you need any books, magazines,
candy, stationery, I'm the one to see.

- I'll take a candy bar.
- Oh, sure.

Why don't you take two?

- I have some American money here.
- No, no, no.

You just think of it as a gift
from the Ladies Auxiliary.

Well, I'm awfully sorry
about your accident...

but I hear from the nurses outside that
you're gonna be out of here in no time.

Yes, I was very lucky, and
everyone here has been super.

- Thank you.
- Well, that's good.

You know, I was
in Finland in '83.

I certainly did enjoy the
Savonlinna Music Festival.

Well, I'm not really much of a
supporter of our local folk music.

- I prefer the classical pieces.
- Oh.

Well, I would think you would enjoy
the Savonlinna, it features opera.

Of course, I know you have
many things on your mind.

I'm really very sorry about
the death of your friend.

- Is your embassy helping you with that?
- I did not know him that well.

The tour group in
Helsinki put us together.

But the ambassador did come to
see me about him, from Finland.

I mean, the Finnish one.

Oh, that's all right. I
know what you mean, heh.

- My English is not very good.
- Oh, your English is terrific.

It's a lot better
than my Finnish.

You have, uh, an unusual accent.

I'm from the north.
North Finland.

Almost Lapland.
I'm really a Lapp.

Funny, I was told you
were from Helsinki.

- Now.
- Oh.

We watch a lot of
American television.

- Hm.
- The old Westerns are my favorite.

- Isn't that Maverick?
- Oh, yes, that's Maverick, all right.

Why'd you do it, Red?

Sometimes a fellow
just has to go for it.

"Sometimes a fellow
just has to go for it."

Oh, that's great.

Such an American thing to say.

I've learned so much from
Bart and Bret and Brent.

Hm. And Beauregard,
their English cousin.

Oh, yeah, there's
a fourth Maverick.

- Beauregard?
- Mm-hm.

That's great.

That little bit of trivia will keep
me in beer all winter in Helsinki.


Dr. Cohen, report to
third floor nurses' station.

Dr. Cohen, report to
third floor nurses' station.

The little one with the
Hollywood shirt is Jamie.

The one on the right with
the big glasses is Philip.

- Very handsome boys.
- Ah, thank you. They look like Joe.

That's their father. Do
you have any children?

No, but when I do get married, I hope to
have strong, handsome boys just like yours.

Oh, thanks so much.

Hi there, Mr. Strengell.

I'm Ron Landers from
the hospital business office.

Your embassy has agreed to
cover our financial guarantees.

I just need a few signatures.
- Oh.

I'll get out of your way. See you
later, Mr. Strengell. Mr. Landers.

Speak English, always.

I made arrangements
for you to be released.

Go to the hotel and
wait to be contacted.

She issued a flash priority to
order three surveillance teams.

Mrs. King is a
freshman candidate.

And I'm telling you, I don't care
if she followed the patient or not.

Since I've been
supervisor, not one

freshman agent has
ever used flash priority.

- Most of them don't know it exists.
- Oh, come on, Beaman.

Amanda has more experience
than half the operatives in the agency.

She knows what she's doing.

- Now, did we send her the team?
- We sent it.

She said they were
speaking Russian.

Russian? She's had some
training, but she's not fluent.

She's heard enough of it in the
field from the bad guys themselves.

You've just got to treat her
differently. She is not one of your kids.

And most of the time
she guesses right.

I give her quite a bit of slack.

It makes it difficult for me with
the others if she takes too much.

Melrose here.

I'll send Scarecrow
out immediately.

This time her instincts
were right on target.

Strengell is very popular.
We're watching, so is the KGB.


Well, face it, Beaman...

now and then you've gotta
bend the rules to get the job done.

In your case, quite a
bit more now than then.

May I have my
office back, please?

Nice going. This is the first
Class C interrogation in history...

to turn into a full scramble.

Well, don't thank me,
thank the Russians.

The guy at the bar
in the gray suit's KGB.

He's just one of their monkeys
posing as an embassy chauffeur.

- Where's your friend from Finland?
- Restroom. Been there a couple of minutes.

- Rear exit?
- Kitchen, covered.

Delivery's coming in. Two men.

"4247 Bolton Place. File, A."

"4247 Maplewood.
King, A." Amanda.

Delivery men are out.

Stetson and King are still
covering subject in restaurant.

Teams 1 and 3, remain
at your present posts.

I think your tourist just took
another vacation. Come on.

I missed him out back.

Uh, team 1 thinks he
went toward the metro.

All right. Put spotters
on the next five stops.

This guy is doing more than
just checking out the sights.

- How could we miss him?
- Yeah.

Well, if it's any consolation,
the KGB lost him too.

Amanda, I'm in here.
- Hi, Mother.

Didn't expect to
find you at home.

I know, but I got too involved
with my ATC introduction...

that I, heh, pushed ground school back
an hour. Captain Curt made an exception.

Wait just a minute. What's ATC,
and ground school and Captain Curt?

And what in the world is this?

Oh, that. That's a Cessna 172.

It's a single engine, over
instead of under wing...

fixed landing gear,
13,000-foot ceiling.

But it's going to be
weeks until I get up there.

Amanda, I will clean all
this up when I get home...

- but I'm in a hurry...
- Mother, what are you talking about?

- Flight school.
- Flight school?

It won't be long. In 16 weeks
I'll be soaring with the eagles.

And Captain Curt,
who's my instructor.

Fifty-three, 6'2",
a real buff hunk.

This is my mother who gets
a rash on the Key Bridge?

I know. But there's something about the
wild blue that is so... I don't know. So...

- Invigorating.
- Um... That's right, heh.

And I aim, I just
aim to conquer it.

- You aim to conquer Captain Curt.
- Ah...

Who's that up in the tree house?

- That's little Bobby Kenwood.
- Oh.

He is, uh, testing the laws
pertaining to squatter's rights.

- He goes up there every afternoon.
- He's too little to do that.

- You gotta tell him to come down.
- You are right.

I'll call his mother
when I get home.

Bobby, it's too high
for you up there.

All right, whoever you are, you better
show your face or I'm calling the police.

Mr. Strengell.

No, it's Mr. Doorlof.

Zhmed Doorlof of the U.S.S.R.

I want to defect.

He decided he could tell you
because you knew all of the Mavericks?

I know it sounds
crazy, but it's true.

- How did he find you?
- I told him my name...

and he saw the address on the
back of a picture of Philip and Jamie.

He's some kind of a speed-reading wizard
and he memorizes numbers or something.

Hardly your average
Russian sailor jumping ship.

Did he say why he was
recruited by the KGB?

No, he just said he was running
from them because he was afraid.

- Hm.
- He still thinks I work at the hospital...

and I told him you
were State Department.

- State Department, hm.
- Right.

He said he was recruited
by a man named Tolst.

Tolst? Alexis Tolst?

I don't know.

Oh, he's a very big fish in the KGB's
considerable pond, a legend really.

Nobody in the West
has ever seen him.

They say he's their
majordomo of dirty tricks.

- This could be a very big catch.
- Hm.

- Where's your man?
- Up there.


- Hi.
- Hello.

I'm sorry for this inconvenience,
but I'm told the KGB is everywhere.

Well, take my word for it,
they're not in the backyard.

You can help me to defect?

Yeah, I'll try. But it's not as
easy as it sounds, you know.

It depends on your circumstances, politics.
- Please.

For years I dreamed
about coming to America.

This is a dream come true.

If it is necessary for me
to go to jail, this is okay.

No, no, no. You don't
go to jail for defecting...

but you do have to have
political reasons for defection.

Now, why don't you tell me
how you got here and why?

About two months ago, the
KGB came to my village...

and told me I had a
job to do for my country.

They were never specific
about what I was to do...

- but I'm sure it has to do with my gift.
- Gift?

In my district, they call me
chelovecheski computer.

This means "human computer."

I'm able to compute and analyze
information spontaneously, immediately.

I am amazing.

- Oh. ZHMED: I
can prove it to you.

When I found Amanda's
address in the book...

I was able to remember the names
and addresses of all her neighbors...

because I saw them as I scanned.

Next door, the Eberhards,
two doors down, 4241.

- Next to the Mayhabs...
- Okay, okay.

So you're good with facts and figures.
Why should I believe any of this, huh?

Because I'm
telling you the truth.

I wanna believe you.

So first you tell me everything
that you know about Alexis Tolst.

- Is he in the country now?
- He must be.

He was to contact
me at my hotel.

But this is all I know
about Tolst or why I'm here.

- That's it, nothing else?
- One more thing.

I will be killed if I
make one mistake.

Normally, it's no problem, but
with the cockamamie condition...

of our Soviet relations,
State can't touch this guy.

- Ah.
- As soon as the paperwork is completed...

Mr. Doorlof is to be on
the next flight to Moscow.

- Come on...
- With our apologies.

Pat, you guys have got your
head in the sand as always.

This little nebbish could help us
bring the hammer down on Alexis Tolst.

That's your side of the street.

Diplomatically, this
is not a good time to

be rubbing a defection
in the Soviet's face.

Ah. Of course, if the guy was a ballet
dancer, it'd be another story, right?

Or a hockey player, or some folk singer
that has a couple of little ditties...

about freedom and cornflakes.

- How do you know Doorlof isn't KGB?
- I don't.

I freely admit it, I don't.

But if I could get a clue that
could put me on the trail of Tolst...

- Arrest him.
- That's FBI.

I want him free and on our team.

I've got a feeling this
is something big, Pat.

Of course, you know, if the
guy did, uh, cross the KGB...

he is DOA in Moscow.

He's got a gift. We can use him.

A gift isn't enough.

I wish Doorlof could
dance the Nutcracker...

but he's not a persecute,
he's not an intelligence asset...

he's not a refusenik, he's
not even an M-40 desirable.

He's a nobody.

And for future reference, yanking at
my heartstring is not gonna ring the bell.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna put my butt
in a sling so you can take all the glory.

The State Department
will make one concession.

We can keep Zhmed in the safe house
until we're finished interrogating him.

But then they want
him on a plane...

within 72 hours. AMANDA: Oh.

I managed to alter a
police report stating

that he was found
with an illegal passport.

There won't be any mention
of his attempt at defection.

- That's not much.
- No dices, huh?

Zhmed, the disarmament talks...

have just about shut the
door on any defections.

State Department thinks your
case is a political minefield.

We're sorry, Zhmed.

Russian commissars sent me here,
American commissars sent me back.

Who cares what I want?

We do, but we can't make
it happen by ourselves.

I could return to the KGB,
find out what Tolst is up to.

- No, you cannot. That's too dangerous.
- It's the only choice I have.

My calculations tell me I have a
98 percent chance of being killed...

the moment I touch Russian soil.

My family will find out when
they get a bill for the bullets.

This could be a good
chance to get a line on Tolst.

You sure you wanna use
someone you found in a tree house?

We don't have
many options, do we?

Zhmed, what will
happen to your family?

If I were to become a citizen
here, perhaps I could send for them.

But if I go back...

Please, let me do this. I want to
prove I can be a good American.

I cannot be sent back across the
ocean with no chance to help myself.


I could get hanged for this.

But if you can bring
us Tolst's head...

the State Department
would have to let you stay.

Let me do it, please.

Okay, let's try it again.
What are you gonna tell Tolst?

I'm going to say I thought
the man at the restaurant...

was an American
intelligence agent.

And because I was afraid of
being followed back to my hotel...

I spent the last four hours
pretending to be a tourist.

Good. Now, if they give
you a polygraph test...

you just press your foot down
on a nail on the toe of your shoe.

If you concentrate on the
pain, it'll throw the test off.

Colonel Tolst showed me
this. He calls it "beating the box."

And this is the code you'll
use for any messages.

Take as long as you
need to memorize it.

I think I've got it.

The KGB has got the subject's
room bugged to the teeth.

I got a line on their frequency.

Why didn't the Soviet's just
leave Zhmed in their embassy?

Well, knowing Tolst, the hotel just
might be a temporary holding place.

Backup teams are prepared
to follow if Zhmed is moved.

- Here he comes.
- Yeah.

- Not that one.
- This is my hotel. I have orders.

New orders.

You have 60 seconds to account
for the last six hours, starting...


They're on their way. Two
surveillance teams are following.

Headed in the direction
of the Russian embassy.

Let's get moving.
Zhmed's on his own now.


You're lucky Captain Tolst
is gonna let you go ahead...

instead of using you
for target practice.

I'm very grateful.

Some people from the Finnish
embassy may be in touch.

So go to your hotel
as a normal tourist.

Please, I'm trying to
do the best job I can,

but I don't know what
is expected of me.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll
show you some classified files...

being transferred from one
government building to another.

The material will be similar to
what's in the box in front of you.

I want you to practice opening
the file and finding the material.

You're to memorize the charts
on the lower half of the third page.

You'll only have 90 seconds
to memorize 30 charts.

You can go back to
your hotel in an hour.

And remember, you're a tourist.

Practice makes perfect.

Rooster's on the walk.
Two mother hens in tow.

Sector 5, look for
the egg to drop.

He's placing something.

We warned you not to make
contact with the Americans. Come on.

This is Sector 5. It's a bust.

I repeat, it's a bust.

- Here. You all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right. I'm all right.

- Follow Zhmed.
- Yeah.

That's not the point.

I know he trusted you, Amanda,
but you can't blame yourself.

Zhmed knew the risks he was
taking when he volunteered.

We saved part of his note and we know
that Tolst is going after government files.

He didn't volunteer. We told
him we were gonna deport him.

All right. Duly noted.

The point is, so far as the
message drop being a bust...

those things happen when
you're going up against the best.

I feel like we handed
him his death warrant.

No, I don't think so.

No, Tolst has gone to a lot of trouble
not to harm Zhmed. He's got plans for him.

That's why he smuggled him into the
country. Now, quit worrying, will you?

Get back here as soon as you can.
We've got an all-nighter ahead of us.

All right. I'll see
you in a minute.

No sign of Zhmed.

If Zhmed is right about the
targets being federal files...

- maybe we can get a break.
- Heh. This town's a paper mill.

There are thousands of
files going out tomorrow.

Yeah, but he'd be after the cream.
Highly classified, strategically important.

According to this report, the only
Z-class files being transferred tomorrow...

are medical, from the Pentagon,
and slated to be destroyed.


What would Tolst
want with medical files?

- Z-class is sensitive-only.
- Who knows?

These aren't anything
but academy physicals...

boot-camp statistics.

There's some steroid
tests, data on combat fatigue.

It has to be a mistake.

Heh. But after what happened on the
street, wouldn't Tolst cancel his plans?

No, it was part of the
plan. He was ready for us.

The more setbacks, the
more this guy just digs in.

Meanwhile, we've lost Zhmed.

And if we can't figure out how the
Russians plan to take those files...

we may never get him back.

Five seconds slow, but better.

Take a breather to drum
up your desire to try harder.

Breathing is a bit difficult.

My contacts tell me there is a
big flap going on at the agency.

If it has anything to do
with the truck incident...

it might be wise to pull out.

Even if Zhmed did make contact
with the Americans, it doesn't matter.

There's nothing he
could've told them.

We're halfway to putting Looking
Glass on display at the Moscow airshow...

and they don't have a clue.

I hope you're right.

I know I'm right.

We could hand deliver
Operation Rainbow Group...

to the Americans and wave
it in front of their noses...

and they still wouldn't
know what was going on.

And they won't figure it out until
their airborne command post...

drops out off Homestead
radar and I wave adiós.

Danley, try to be an
independent thinker for once.

Let us have him for
another 24 hours, will you?

The guy is a gold
mine, a regular gusher.

I know I'm mixing my metaphors,
and you are making me crazy, okay?

I promise you, he'll
be on the plane.

Okay, great. Thanks.

- We might have found something.
- What?

We ran the delivery notices
through the computer.

They're dumping
18,000 files tomorrow.

Potpourri, it's, uh,
testing on lab animals,

astronaut physicals,
drug testing...

There's seven trucks and
six routes to the incinerator...

but only one matches up with
the time indicated in Zhmed's note.

What's this batch? Gall bladder
status of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?

Preliminary physical
data on Air Force crews.

I don't know why he wants it...

but the minute Tolst
makes his move, we move in.

Hey, don't worry.
Zhmed is our first concern.

Even Tolst can't make him
disappear before our eyes.

What do you have?

For the last two miles...

the Army vehicle has
been followed by a tow truck.

All right, drop off.

We'll pick it up from here. We'll
stay a quarter of a mile behind them.

- There it is.
- Mm-hm.

- Looks like you have a problem.
- Yeah, it's the front tire.

The lugs are damn
near welded to the wheel.

Well, I'm sure I can get it
off with my pneumatic wrench.


Thanks, buddy.

We appreciate your help,
but we're in kind of a hurry.

Okay, but stand back...

Shh, shh, shh. Quiet.

Which files are you
supposed to read?

The files are marked "Rainbow
Family." Now leave me alone.

Listen. You and me and those
files are getting out of here.

Tolst will be picked up
the moment you're safe.

I will only be safe if you leave.
Let me do what I'm supposed to do.

- I'm gonna... ZHMED:
I'm hooked up...

I'm hooked up to an explosive.

Tolst is reading our every
move like he has a map.

What made me think I
could get him that easy?

Of course I know how
big the Pentagon is...

but it shouldn't take all day to find the
office that coordinated Rainbow Family.

Yes, medical test results.
Now, run it past the DIA.

Surveillance confirms that Tolst
and Zhmed returned to the embassy...

in a Soviet embassy limo.

We could not touch him
without setting off a major flap.

What do we have here?

I ran the data on the test past Dr. Pfaff.
He confirms they are stress tests.

Stress tests, for what?

Air traffic control.

What does Air Force Intelligence
have on Operation Rainbow Family?

Put me through to Colonel Jim
Jadin with Air Force Intelligence.

Stress tests are pretty routine.
We all get them every six months.

Six teams. Red,
blue, et cetera...

could be the codes for the
individual flight crews, perhaps.


Yes, thank you.

- We've just walked into a hornet's nest.
- What?

Rainbow Family is the code
for a squadron at Andrews...

temporarily assigned
to Looking Glass.

They gave the tests to the pilots
who flew the headquarters' plane.

What's Looking Glass?

Looking Glass is SAC's
headquarters' plane.

If the United States is the target of a
first strike, command switches upstairs.

There's a Looking Glass
plane in the sky 24 hours a day.

As a security precaution, there are
three look-alike planes flying decoy.

Nine crews on an
irregular rotation.

Now we're all beginning to
think along the same lines.

Each crew is assigned according
to those biorhythms and stress tests.

Now, that means that Tolst
has enough to compute a pattern.


But with nine crews on a constant
rotation, the odds are 1000-to-1...

against him ever
figuring it out.

Zhmed's a computer.

Even if Tolst uses Zhmed to figure
out the pilot rotation schedule...

- what could he do with it?
- There's no point in killing a pilot.

Even if he wanted to get on
the base, it'd be impossible.

Security is tighter
than the White House.

You can bet Tolst has found
something to cripple Looking Glass.

We're not gonna find out what
it is until we all get some rest.

In the meantime, I've
arranged for the agency

to escort the assigned
pilots to the base.

Tolst's confidence is beyond belief. It's
like he's rubbing our noses in his plan.

As long as Tolst remains on embassy
grounds, there's nothing we can do.


Okay, I'll talk to you later.

That was Billy. The pilot scheduled for the
next shift was just escorted to the base.

Nothing out of the
ordinary happened.

Yeah, with nine pilots on rotating shifts,
it could be days before anything happens.

What's the matter? You okay?
You haven't eaten very much.

Just thinking about Zhmed.

Once Tolst gets finished with
him, what's gonna happen to him?

Once he's finished with him, he
won't have any use for him anymore.

Think he'll send
him back to Russia?

- Honestly speaking?
- Yeah.

I doubt if he'll get out of D.C.

At one time, I had a contact
at the Russian embassy.

If he were there today,
I might've been able

to get word to Zhmed
to make a run for it.

Whatever they have planned for him,
well, they can't do it on embassy property.

And before they remove
him from the embassy...

they'll convince him
the KGB is everywhere.

- He'll be afraid to run.
- If we could figure out a way...

to get a message to him,
would the agency help?

Yeah, sure. Might
be a little tricky.

Come on.

I'm certain Colonel Hannigan
will be flying tomorrow...

second shift, 1300 hours.

The stress curve for
him is at its low ebb.

The biorhythms are regular.

- Run your computation again.
- I'm certain.

I have to have the exact
rotation sequence of the crews.

The incident on the street
was reported to Moscow.

I got word they plan on
canceling the mission.

Do they think I went to these
extremes to have my mission canceled?

- No, sir.
- Then we will proceed...

as if we haven't heard a word.

Tomorrow night, I'm gonna
be eating black beans and rice...

at the Ambassador
Hotel in Havana...

while our tech team strips out
every code and command sequence...

from the Looking Glass computer.

Now, that's a fact.

And him?

Tomorrow, I want him
out of the embassy.

You can take care of
him any way you like.

Back up this car.

What a remarkably
pig-headed stunt.

I had the right of
way, you cretin.

- I've probably wrenched my neck.
- Did you see the stop sign?

There was a stop
sign there. You ran it.

We have an embassy
car. We have immunity.

Now move your car or you're
gonna be in a lot of trouble. Now!

I locked the keys in the car.

- Are you okay?
- I am now.

When I saw "Maverick,"
I knew it was you.

Did Tolst show you
pictures of any of these men?

They're pilots, and you
looked at their charts.

Wait, wait. Wait a minute.

This cannot be right.
This man is Tolst.

I'm sorry to bother
you, Colonel Hannigan.

I'm Melrose, with the agency.

For security reasons, I'll be
escorting you to the airbase.

What's the problem?

I'll explain in the car.

Let me get my things.

After I fly the Looking Glass to Cuba,
you might consider plastic surgery...

Colonel Hannigan.

Yes, sir. Sign here please, sir.

Thank you. Go ahead, sir.

Yes, sir. We read you.
Yeah, we'll take care of it.

It's not often I get a personal escort
by the agency. I appreciate the trouble.

No trouble, colonel. Just
relieved that it was a false alarm.

Excuse me, Colonel Tolst...

but this is checkmate.

And you lose the game.

Hope you like your new face.
You're gonna be wearing it a long time.

Here you go, gentlemen,
take care of him.

Let's go check on the
real Colonel Hannigan.

Thank you.

And despite your belief that I
only keep a wrinkled apple...

and fermenting cheese
in my refrigerator...

I want you to know I'm preparing a
feast Escoffier would be jealous of.

I really wish you hadn't
gone to all this trouble.

I think I'm too tired
to appreciate it.

Nobody's ever too tired
to try one of my frittatas.

It's a potpourri of eggs,
mushrooms, garlic, spinach...

everything but the
kitchen sink. Ha-ha.

When I was assigned a
NATO operation in Capri...

I met this wonderful old
chef who shared with me...

his secret of making
the perfect frittata.

You don't sauté the
garlic, but add to the eggs...

just before you put
it under the broiler.

Mm, that way you keep the
flavor and you don't burn the garlic.

So, Amanda...

think of this...

as a celebration for Zhmed being accepted
to the Defectors' Relocation Program.

And I can only speak for myself
when I say that we are long overdue...

for some celebrating
around here.

Especially the type that
includes only the two of us, hm?

So with that thought in mind...

some romantic candlelight...

a little bubbly...

and a little romance...

A very little romance.

I may be sleepy,
but I'm not dead.